Tag: marry

  • Department Administrator Interference in the Doctor-Patient Relationship

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    I contacted a resident doctor in Internal Medicine at a teaching hospital and asked if he would be interested in becoming my primary care physician (PCP). My note briefly described my background in health outcomes research and two of my prescription drugs. He wrote back that he would be honored to be my PCP, and came across as professional, humble, and sincere. A new doctor-patient relationship was formed, and I contacted my existing doctor’s office to arrange for my medical records to be transferred, which immediately informed that office that I must be dissatisfied and going to a new doctor. I also shared with the resident doctor confidential information from my medical records and a copy of one of my professional presentations at a health care conference.

    A department administrator then contacted me to say the resident doctors are not available every day of the week for clinic and are not even here when they do their ICU rotation. Also, the Internal Medicine department protocol would not allow the resident doctor to write me a drug prescription for off label use. Finally, she was concerned that in the past I have ordered and correctly interpreted my own blood tests. The administrator’s attitude reflects one of the chief complaints Americans have with the health care system: the system is coming at them and requiring them to get health services in some predefined structure to which the facility is accustomed but which eliminate any potential for individualized treatment according to individual patients’ needs.

    Apparently the administrator did not spend enough “careful consideration” to get her facts straight. I do not need to see my PCP daily or even monthly. My track record shows I saw my existing doctor once in a calendar year, and the prior doctor before him I saw once in a 15-month period. So the administrator based her decision on her own ignorance of the facts.

    She also misstated facts concerning off-label prescriptions for drugs by resident doctors. One of the drugs we are talking about is Clomiphene. Both a resident doctor and an attending faculty physician at the teaching hospital advised me that they would be willing to write me (off-label) prescriptions for this drug, and the attending physician did indeed phone in a prescription for one of the drugs at my request. Similarly, the Dept. of Obstetrics and Gynecology (OB-GYN) advised me that their doctors, both resident and attending, have prescribed Clomiphene to patients. Therefore, residents in Family Medicine and OB-GYN (both primary care departments) can write prescriptions for Clomiphene, but “protocol” prevents residents in Internal Medicine (also primary care) from writing off-label prescriptions. What kind of a cockamamie rule is that? What, the residents in Internal Medicine are too dumb or too naive to understand off-label benefits of medicines?

    Finally, I had planned for my resident PCP to order and interpret blood tests each time I visited him. The administrator could have learned that fact if she had bothered to call or write me before jumping to conclusions and interfering in my doctor-patient relationship. I strongly reject the Director’s paternalistic view of medicine in which she feels she has to protect resident doctors from patients who order or interpret their own blood tests. These resident doctors are young professionals who have completed their medical degrees; they don’t need paternalistic oversight from a department administrator telling them who they can and cannot invite to be patients.

    Apparently, an overwhelming number of patients who visit this teaching hospital’s doctors want to be told what to do and how to feel. I am the exact opposite; I take personal responsibility for and manage my own health, which is strongly advocated under health care reform. Having a more equal, collaborative relationship with my PCP works for me, and that seems to be the true reason for the administrator’s interference. Studies show that medical malpractice rates drop with a non-paternalistic model of health care services. That fact of reducing litigation risks is pushing more health care systems across the country to migrate to a non-paternalistic model.

    LEGAL ANALYSIS

    I. Formation of Doctor-Patient Relationship

    The first question to address is whether, based on this fact pattern, a doctor-patient relationship was formed. When I gave the Internal Medicine resident doctor confidential information on two off-label drugs that I take, that act would be analogous to a prospective client approaching a lawyer with facts about his case to see if the lawyer will assist him. Contacting a lawyer this way does not create an attorney-client relationship. However, the lawyer is under an ethical duty to protect the confidentiality of the information shared by the prospective client. Similarly, the resident doctor was under an ethical duty to keep the information I shared with him confidential.

    When a lawyer responds to a prospective client, “I agree to take your case,” or “I will be your lawyer,” or words to that effect, then an attorney-client relationship is created, and the protection afforded to the client’s information rises to the level of constitutionally protected attorney-client privilege. In this case, when the resident doctor responded that he would be honored to be my PCP, we have offer and acceptance forming a contract. The offer-acceptance could be construed as my offering to be his patient, which he accepted, or his offer to be my PCP, which I accepted.

    But offer and acceptance are only two of the three required elements to form a contract. The third essential element is exchange of consideration, expressed in Latin as the quid pro quo. In this case, there were several separate exchanges of consideration that complete the formation of a contract and thereby render it enforceable in a court of law. Consideration is defined as some act or some transfer of an item from one party to the other, for which the receiving party had no legal right to otherwise obtain that consideration. There is no requirement that the consideration have intrisinc value. For example, the transfer of a scrap piece of paper can constitute valid consideration that renders a contract binding and enforceable.

    The initial disclosure of confidential information from my health history amounts to sufficient consideration. Second, the fact that both I and the doctor each began pursuing scheduling an appointment for me to see him is also consideration: neither of us had a prior legal right entitling us to that action by the other person. Third, when we continued to correspond after offer and acceptance, with additional information being shared back and forth, further consideration was exchanged. My sending the resident doctor a copy of one of my professional presentations was a fourth example of consideration. Finally, my request that my medical records be transferred to the resident doctor’s clinic constituted an obvious legal detriment based on reliance rendering the contract enforceable.

    If a lawsuit were filed for enforcement of this contract, I am confident that the plaintiff would overcome any attempt to dismiss the lawsuit by the teaching hospital’s attorneys based on the absence of a contract. Defendant might attempt to argue that no contract could be formed, because the resident doctor is not licensed. According to the website http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictionary.com/resident+physician, a “resident physician is a graduate and licensed physician receiving training in a specialty, usually in a hospital.” The resident’s licensing status would not prevent the formation of an enforceable contract, as we have in this fact pattern, for treatment in the supervised residents’ clinic.

    In court, we would pose a series of questions: 1) Is the resident a graduate of a medical school? Yes! 2) Was our conversation focused on health care treatment? Yes! 3) Does the resident see other patients (whether supervised or unsupervised) in the resident clinic? Yes! 4) Are the resident’s services billed to the U.S. government and to private insurers as the services of a doctor (not a student or a doctor’s aide)? Yes! 5) Did we both use the term PCP in describing our relationship? Yes. 6) Did the resident undertake to assist me in obtaining a medical appointment to see him? Yes! With these answers, any court of law is going to recognize if it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it is a duck. Therefore, the defendant’s argument on licensing will be viewed as a red herring and will fail. In a similar vein, courts have noted “it is axiomatic that a doctor-patient relationship may arise from, briefly exist, and be limited by the unique circumstances presented in a transfer situation.” Sterling v. Johns Hopkins Hosp., 145 Md. App. 161 (Md. Ct. Spec. App. 2002). It does not matter how long the doctor has been seeing patients or how brief the contact with any given patient, a doctor-patient relationship can be formed.

    Selection of a PCP and other medical decisions are “core” private decisions. A fundamental tenet of privacy jurisprudence, as it has been applied to other types of personal matters, is that the individual most directly concerned is entitled to make and implement the protected decision autonomously and free from paternalistic government intrusion. See, e.g., Zablocki v. Redhail, 434 U.S. 374, 54 L. Ed. 2d 618, 98 S. Ct. 673 (1978) (decision to marry); Moore v. East Cleveland, 431 U.S. 494, 52 L. Ed. 2d 531, 97 S. Ct. 1932 (1977) (decision to live with extended family members); Griswold v. Connecticut, 381 U.S. 479, 14 L. Ed. 2d 510, 85 S. Ct. 1678 (1965)(reproductive choice). I would argue that the constitutional right to privacy also protects autonomy in selecting a PCP among a wide choice of available doctors, selecting which medications I want prescribed, and choosing what lab tests I want to order myself to monitor my health.

    In 2005, the Supreme Court of Arkansas provided the best statement in American jurisprudence on the elevated status of the doctor-patient relationship. The court noted the relationship of doctor-patient is unique. “The loss of this relationship, even temporarily, causes irreparable damage to the doctor and the patient. There is no adequate remedy at law because the loss is a loss of a one-time opportunity.” Baptist Health v. Murphy, 362 Ark. 506 (Ark. 2005)

    The court noted that the hospital had violated the Arkansas Department of Health rules and regulations for hospitals by failing to enforce policies that protected the doctor’s selection of patients and the patient’s choice of a physician. “We interpret this to mean that an otherwise qualified doctor must be granted access to his patient for the purpose of treating his patient, if that is what both the doctor and the patient want. Or, stated another way, a hospital cannot deny the services of a physician of the patient’s choice if the patient is already being seen by physicians at the hospital. Baptist Health v. Murphy, 362 Ark. 510-511 (Ark. 2005)

    Based on reading Baptist Health, I will now forward a copy of this article to the state Department of Health to determine whether the teaching hospital violated any of my state’s regulations requiring Tennessee-licensed medical centers to have policies or bylaws that respect the patient’s right to select his own physician. If so, then the teaching hospital is violating those regulations.

    II. Tennessee’s Tortious Interference Statute

    Tenn. Code Ann. § 47-50-109 is captioned, “Procurement of breach of contracts unlawful – Damages.” The administrator tortiously interfered in my doctor-patient relationship and prevented the resident doctor from performing his services under our contract. She therefore procured a breach of that contract. The administrator will argue that she was merely performing her duties, but that is no excuse for interfering in an existing doctor-patient relationship.

    Although Tennessee jurisprudence does not have a case on point, courts across the country have taken a dim view and expressed disapproval of employer interference in the doctor-patient relationship. For example, the U.S. Supreme Court stated, “The ethical objection has been that intervention by employer… makes a tripartite matter of the doctor-patient relation. Since the contract doctor owes his employment and looks for his pay to the employer… rather than to the patient, he serves two masters with conflicting interests.” United States v. Oregon State Medical Soc., 343 U.S. 326, 329 (U.S. 1952).

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    Source by Michael Guth

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  • Relationship Anxiety – Why Doesn’t My Boyfriend Want to Marry Me?

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    Relationships aren’t always viewed as investments, but in many ways that’s exactly what they are. This is especially the case for a woman who is dating a man who is somewhat resistant to the idea of marriage. If you’re that woman, you know that you’ve invested a great deal of time and emotional energy into the connection. It’s understandable that you’d want and expect a diamond ring and a romantic wedding at some point, but what do you do if that end goal is nowhere in sight? If your boyfriend has made it clear to you that he’s not interested in marriage, you’re left flabbergasted. Before you throw in the towel and walk away from everything you two have built, you need some answers. Understanding why he isn’t feeling drawn towards marriage can help you overcome the problem and get things moving in a more positive relationship direction.

    Think About His Reasons for Not Wanting to Marry

    Obviously, by this point you and your boyfriend have discussed the issue of marriage and how you both feel about it. In all likelihood you’ve pushed your boyfriend to share with you where his reservations are coming from. Each man is unique which means that his reasoning for not wanting to take the plunge is going to be specific to him. Generally there are several common threads that seem to run through relationships in which the man isn’t in any rush to get married.

    One of the most common reasons why men refuse to make such a strong commitment is they sense that they’ll lose their own identity when they become a “husband.” Instead of being a self sufficient, single guy they suddenly become one half of a couple who are joined together forever. To most women this sounds like a dream come true but for a man who doesn’t feel emotionally mature, this can be a very frightening proposition. Not only does he see his own identity being pulled away but he senses that his role, from the wedding day forward, is simply to please his wife.

    Other men won’t get down on bended knee to make that all-important proposal because the financial aspect of it weighs heavily on their mind. Men want to be viewed as providers and if your man doesn’t have the means to support himself, let alone you and any potential children in the future, he isn’t going to want to take any steps towards commitment. He also likely won’t reveal his true motivations for not getting engaged. He doesn’t want you to think poorly of him. To a man the most important thing is that the woman he loves sees him as a hero in every sense.

    Devote Your Energy to Helping Him Overcome His Resistance

    There’s something to be said for not pushing a man to commit, but there are obvious exceptions every woman should be aware of. If you believe your boyfriend would love to be married, but he does have some lingering reservations that you’ve been able to identify, you can then start work on helping him move past those.

    It’s not advisable for you to sit down with a man who you believe is struggling with finances so you two can have an honest discussion about how he can’t afford a wedding, let alone an engagement ring. It is helpful if you share with him how you see marriage as an equal partnership and how important it is to you to contribute equally, always. If your boyfriend feels that some of the financial burden has been taken off his shoulders, in a very subtle way by you, that may steer him closer towards a proposal.

    You can also persuade your man to see the gains he’ll make in being married to you, as opposed to the losses he may believe he’ll suffer. If your guy is surrounded by single male friends, this may prove a bit more challenging, but don’t ever view it as impossible.

    Simply start mentioning how important you believe it is that couples always have their own interests. You could even bring up the example of a married friend of yours. Talk about how you think it’s great that her and her husband still have their own independent friends and that they each spend time apart from one another visiting with those friends.

    If your boyfriend senses that your attitude after you marry is going to be that of a woman who doesn’t want her husband spending all his time with her, he’ll be more inclined to see marriage in a much more positive light.

    Be Realistic About the Future of Your Relationship

    Even if you’ve determined why you believe your boyfriend is being hesitant about committing, and you’ve been working at getting him to move past his reservations, there is still a chance that he’ll refuse to marry you.

    If this is the case, it’s important that you look within yourself to decide if waiting endlessly is the right thing for you. Some people just don’t see marriage as something they want in their lives. If this depth of connection is important to you and your boyfriend has continued to resist, even after you’ve helped him understand the benefits of it, it may be time to rethink your future.

    You, and only you, can decide if marriage is a deal breaker within your relationship. If it’s vitally important to you that you two marry, share that with him and leave the ball in his court. If he continues to ignore your needs, you really have to consider whether a partner like that is truly the best choice after all.

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    Source by Gillian Reynolds

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  • Jeffrey Archer’s "Old Love" Redefines Love Story

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    The “Old Love” of Jeffrey Archer is a unique amorous tale between two brilliant students of English literature from Oxford. Archer makes an exploration of the theme of love from a completely unusual standpoint. The rendition is fiercely honest while he portrays a chronic sense of envy and rivalry between two sworn arch-rivals in the Oxford University: William Hatchard and Philippa Jameson. Initially, their aggressive competition unsettles their tutor Simon Jakes. In their constant intellectual debates, Philippa confronted the deep, confident voice of William with her high-heeled boldness. The mutual hatred was absolute. Their sharply perceptive and analytical mind refused to be submissive to each other. Indeed, this fierce sense of competition enabled them to outshine everyone else in the field. Given the background of 1930’s she, to him, was “that silly woman” and he “that arrogant man”. Yet strange is the way of destiny that an unusual love story should blossom between the bitterest of academic rivals!

    This rivalry assumed an unpalatable intensity when both excelled as toppers in their final degree exam. The Charles Oldham Shakespeare’s essay writing competition fed fat to this fire of passionate jealousy and became a life and death question for each to defeat the other.There were liberal exchanges of scornful remarks between the two to play each other down. However, things took a dramatic turn when William unwittingly discovered about the death of Philippa’s father (who was a Vicar) from cancer, and also, his secret dream to let his daughter study in Oxford and win the Charles Oldham award. The sight of silent sobbing of his proud and powerful adversary stirred up a sudden feelings of empathy in his guts. He got over his tentative doubts and offered to accompany her to her village for the burial ceremony. They held hand for the first time and discovered the new bond of friendship as they started their journey to her village. They communicated with each other spontaneously while returning to Oxford which bounces Philippa back to her normal competitive spirit. She slowly discovers the growth of her new found intense attraction for William. The latter secretly enjoys this interesting conversion in the Vicar’s daughter.

    The transformation of hatred into love has always been a captivating subject in itself, and Archer makes the situation entertaining with the employment of sparkling wit in their conversation. They make a visit to Stratford and have meals together. But their first date was far from usual: it is a unique blend of warmth and intellectual antagonism! If this instinctive antagonism triggered a strong sense of hatred before, now it drew them closer. In fact, this killer instinct became a delirious source of entertainment for both. Archer makes the reader question if intense hatred could indeed be an expression of hidden attraction?

    Anyway, the situation takes a quirky turn while returning from Stratford. On their way back to Oxford, Phillipa and William had to spend the night in a car as the petrol gauge showed empty. The former obviously did not miss the chance of expressing her doubt about the cerebral power of a person who couldn’t even read a petrol gauge! The day next William gave her the reason why he let the car run out of petrol: He said with a rare sense of humor: “My father told me if I spent the night with a barmaid then I should simply order an extra pint of beer, but if I spent the night with the vicar’s daughter, I would have to marry her.” He came down on his knees and said,” Will you marry me if I win the Charles Oldham?” Philippa answered that “as there is absolutely no fear of that happening I can safely say, yes… ” When William declared his love for her she told him not to show his face in Somerville again if he failed to win Charles Oldham. The readers wonder if the writer reveals Philippa’s secret wish that she could marry himeven at the cost of losing Charles Oldham! Otherwise why would tears come to Philippa’s eyes when a girl informed her that she had won? It was a moment of crisis for her because between the conflicting emotion of ambition and love in her heart, the latter had won and for once the proud girl confessed, “I do love nothing in the world so well as you; is that not strange?”

    However, when she discovered that William was a joint winner, her puckish spirit returned as she said ” I take thee for pity” to which William replied ” I yield upon great persuasion… ” They were locked in a passionate embrace, and after that, they were never apart for more than a few hours. Strangely, their honeymoon in Athens ended up in a heated argument over the relative significance of Doric and Ionic architecture!

    Later in life, this constant battle of wit prevented their romance from dwindling into boredom and banality. Their serious research works and creative activities, though on different fields, kept them deeply connected. After three years, “with well-received D. Phils”, they moved on, in tandem, to college teaching. But their fierce encounters continued and their sharp wit at each other’s expense would flash across the dinner tables at Oxford. However, those who understood their love felt envious of their unique relationship! They were childless yet their life was not tasteless.

    Returning home after the celebration dinner (being declared the Joint Professor), their heated argument over Proust’s monumental work took such an intimidating turn, that a policeman, nearby, asked Philippa “Is everything all right madam?” “No, it is not”, William declared “this woman has been attacking me for over 30 years, and to date the police have done deplorably little to protect me”. Yet, beneath this apparent antagonism, their bond continued to grow stronger with each passing year. Interestingly, their intense love was inseparable from their zealous intellectual antagonism which lent a peculiar aura to their relationship. When Philippa was made the Dame of the British Empire, William referred to her as an “Old Dame” he had to live with now. It is this bitter-sweet flavor of their love which defines their marriage.

    The most irritable habit of Philippa to William was her determination each morning to complete “The Times” crossword before he arrived at the breakfast table. One fine morning in June, William, studying the clue, filled in the eight boxes left incomplete by Philippa. Philippa’s instantly retorted that there was no such word. To the delight of Philippa the word “Whym Wham” could not be found in the shorter Oxford Dictionary. William assured her that the word could be found in OED on his desk, made for scholars like him. William left the breakfast table with sharp comments on Philippa’s limited command of English language and that she will have to eat a humble pie at Somerville’s Gaudy Feast as she reads the collected works of John Skelton…

    William left with a sigh, kissing his wife on her cheek, wishing he had lost Charles Oldham. Philippa replied that he did indeed because it was highly inappropriate during those days to declare a woman as the sole winner! Having closed the front door, as she entered the kitchen, Dame Philippa suddenly suffered her lone heart attack. She called out to William hoarsely but in vain. The news of her death was conveyed and the story ends with a note of dark humor in the suicidal note of Sir William (who shot himself with his pistol): “Forgive me, but I had to let her know”. There was the volume of the work of John Skelton held open in one of his hand with the word “Whym Wham” underlined neatly, his fingers stiff and cold around it. Such weird ending, subtly hints at the essence of special relationship this couple shared so that they rise above the great marriage vow “TILL DEATH DO US PART.” Archer’s love story excels because death could not part Sir William and Dame Philippa! Even while following his wife to her grave, William felt the need to camouflage the inseparable bond they shared, and the insufferable loneliness he would feel without her… he does it with a wry sense of humor!

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    Source by Mandira Mazumder

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  • I’m Angry That He Won’t Marry Me And This Is Hurting Our Relationship: Tips That Might Help

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    I sometimes hear from women who, after a set amount of time, begin to feel a little annoyance, frustration, anger, or resentment that they are not getting engaged or married. And, as time goes by these negative feelings build so that it begins to hurt the relationship. The great irony of all of this is that this whole process can actually make a marriage or engagement less likely so that it is a vicious cycle.

    I heard from a woman who said: “I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years. I hate calling him that, my boyfriend. We’re in our late twenties and that’s too old to be calling someone your boyfriend. At this point, we have lived together for two and a half years. He knows that I want to get married, but he’s dragging his feet. We own our apartment together, but other than this, there’s nothing legally binding us together. I worry that if something happened to either of us, the other wouldn’t have any legal standing to make decisions. I’m angry that he has put me in this position. I feel like he thinks that I’m good enough to live with but not good enough to marry. And I find myself short tempered and sarcastic with him because of my anger. At this rate, I feel like this whole process is going to hurt our relationship. I can’t seem to control my feelings. And I feel that I have a right to be angry. What can I do?” I will try to address these concerns in the following article.

    Understand That If Left Unchecked, This Cycle Really Can Harm Or Even Destroy Your Relationship: Many couples get caught in this cycle and they just sort of become so used to it that they start to envision that it is always going to be this way. They figure that no one is going to blink first so that they will sort of always be at a stand still, waiting to see who is going to make the first move. That’s why they often don’t even see the end of their relationship coming. This cycle has ended many relationships precisely because people begin to believe that nothing is ever going to change. And eventually, one or both of the parties decides that they just don’t want to live this way anymore.

    Consider Agreeing To Shelf The Issue And Then To Come Back To It At An Agreed Upon Time: Here’s what you have to understand. It’s possible that eventually, this issue will become a central problem in your relationship. And, when this happens, the whole dynamics of your relationship changes and this change is not for the better. It seems as if everything always come back to this one thing and you can’t seem to regain your footing or to move forward.

    It’s my experience and observation that it is better for you to put this issue on the shelf, for just a little while, if you find that it is deteriorating your relationship. Sometimes, when I explain this to folks, they think that I am telling them to give up or to just accept that he doesn’t want to marry you. This isn’t what I am implying at all. I am only saying that if you agree to shelf it and then to reevaluate, you gain a couple of things. First, you limit the damage to your relationship. In order for him to commit to you, he needs to have the peace of mind that the relationship is worthy of that commitment. The chances of this happening are less if you just can’t move past your differences of opinion on this topic.

    Second, if you can get him to agree to revisit this topic later, then he’s committed to thinking very seriously about committing at a later point in time. As far as I’m concerned, that is a huge gain and big bonus. Because as of right now, you don’t have that. And when you shelf the issue, you place your focus back on your relationship. The tension wanes and things can be good between you again. This way, when you two do discuss this again at that set time, your relationship will hopefully have recovered to the point where he is comfortable committing. If he is not, then it may be time to dig a little deeper to determine why he isn’t comfortable committing.

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    Source by Mari Deene

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  • He Doesn’t Know If He Wants to Marry Me! What This Means for Your Future

    He Doesn’t Know If He Wants to Marry Me! What This Means for Your Future

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    When you’re a woman who has dreamed for years of a romantic proposal and a beautiful white wedding dress, you’re bound to be disappointed when your intended groom has cold feet. One of the most disheartening things any woman can say about the man she loves is, “he doesn’t know if he wants to marry me.” It stings, it frustrates and it makes you second guess the entire relationship. How can he possibly say he utterly adores you and can’t imagine his life without you yet he won’t take any step towards marriage? If your guy seems completely stuck in boyfriend mode and he says he’s unsure about marriage, you really need to address why that is. If you ignore this, with the hope that one day he’ll “come to his senses” and propose, you may find yourself waiting impatiently five or even ten years from now.

    Before you do anything else, ask your man why he doesn’t want to marry you. You must be prepared for any potential answer though. Typically a commitment phobic man will resort to saying that he is scared of the idea of marriage because his parents divorced or he doesn’t feel financially stable yet. Those are valid reasons for any man to be hesitant about a serious step towards commitment. If he confides in you why he doesn’t feel ready yet, you can then work together towards finding a suitable compromise. Maybe you need to talk more about what caused his parents’ divorce so you are both aware of any potential triggers that may make him withdraw after the wedding. Or it may be more of a matter of talking frankly and openly about your mutual finances and how you can both invest in a future wedding.

    If your boyfriend stumbles when it comes to answering questions about why he doesn’t want to get married, you should be concerned. Sadly, the reason some men don’t want to get married is because they don’t feel that their current girlfriend is their ideal partner. You’ll be hard pressed to get your boyfriend to admit that this is the drive behind his desire to stay dating instead of committed, but you can read between the lines to gather the information you need.

    Consider how he views marriage in general. If he seems happy when a friend gets engaged and he’s talking often about how he hopes to be married one day, you need to pay attention to whether your name is ever mentioned as part of that plan. Some men will date one woman until they decide it’s time to look for a life partner. That’s when the break up occurs and just a few months later the man in question is suddenly marrying someone he just met. Most of us know of a couple just like that and typically it’s because either the man or the woman just didn’t see their partner as marriage material so they went looking for someone who was.

    Giving your man an ultimatum about marriage can actually be the undoing of any future that you two may have had, married or not. If you tell him that it’s marriage or the relationship is over, don’t be shocked if he says goodbye. You’re much better off talking to him rationally about how he envisions the future and whether or not he anticipates ever changing his mind about wanting to marry you. If he’s certain that he wants to remain your boyfriend and not your husband for the next several years, you then have an important decision to make. Remember your future happiness is in your own hands, so take all the knowledge you have of your man, weigh it against what you truly want in your life and go from there.

    This is clearly a situation in which you need to place your priorities in order so you can make an informed decision. Emotional circumstances like these can cloud our judgment. It’s hard to know whether marriage is more important than loving him. If you want the ring, the dress and the happily-ever-after future and he won’t budge in his decision to not pursue that, consider where you want your life to be in a year, or five years. The answer of what is best for you is found in looking towards your own future and fulfilling your own personal goals including a healthy, committed marriage with a man who sees the joy in being your better half.

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    Source by Gillian Reynolds

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  • Should Gays Be Allowed to Marry?

    Should Gays Be Allowed to Marry?

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    Marriage is more than a piece of paper. It confers numerous benefits, such as health, disability and life insurance, pension funds and tax refunds for spouses. Many gay couples desire to marry and partake in these benefits but have been denied this right because of their sexuality and that is not fair. According to some individuals, America is the greatest country in the world. It is supposedly filled with opportunities for everyone, not just financially but an opportunity to be free from judgement. This is not true. Everyday, millions of people are denied a right many take for granted. Gay couples in most states cannot marry because it is illegal to marry someone of the same sex and that is not fair.

    Marriage is a legal commitment between two consenting adults. It is about sharing, love, trust, and legal status. Two adults who make this private personal choice to form a life-long commitment should not be denied the right to marry just because their sexual orientation. It is illegal to discriminate against gays seeking employment, education or housing. Gays keep communities safe as firefighters and police officers, staff hospitals, and pay taxes. Denying gay couples the right to legally marry takes away their legal rights in receiving employee benefits, government benefits, and other benefits that heterosexual couples enjoy.

    A person's sexuality should not be an obstacle to whether he or she wants to marry someone. A gay person has the same needs and desires as a heterosexual individual. The only difference is the way he or she has sex. If two individuals fall in love and wants the same economic advantages that marriage offers heterosexual couples, they should not be denied that right based on their sexuality.

    Although American society denies the right to marriage to gays, it glorifies heterosexuals who make a mockery out of marriage by marrying and divorcing a succession of partners. This practice is called "Serial Monogamy" and it is sickening and very hypocritical of American society to stand judgment on gays for their lifestyles but sanctions heterosexuals who do not have good judgment or morals. Most people who are opposed to gay marriage often bring up the Bible, saying that the Bible does not condone the gay lifestyle and that marriage is strictly between a man and woman.

    However, these same individuals are often involved in extra-marital affairs, are cohabitating without the benefit of marriage or are gay themselves, hiding behind pious words of morality. Gays are just like anyone else and they deserve to partake in the economic advantages that marriage has to offer. Instead of denying the right to marriage to gays, American society should concentrate on fixing the widening economic gap between the wealthy and the poor and figuring out why American society is the laughing stock of the world.

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    Source by Kathy Henry

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  • 12 Unique Ways To Ask Your Partner to Marry You Using the Internet

    12 Unique Ways To Ask Your Partner to Marry You Using the Internet

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    Asking your partner to marry them should be a memorable experience, but what if you don’t have enough cash to hire a plane and pop the question in the clouds? If you’re feeling the pinch, but still looking for something a pretty special, then turning to the internet and social media may just be the solution. The internet provides a vast scope of opportunity when it comes to asking someone to stay with you forever, but by far the most difficult challenge when using the internet is to make the experience feel romantic. Face to face is by far the most romantic way to propose but with some extra effort and thought it can still be achieved. A romantic experience by definition can mean different things to different people, so weather you’re a pizza fanatic, love New York, brilliant at building WordPress sites, or have great persuasion skills, the internet may just be your key to rocking your partners world.

    Create A Website

    Build a website that holds all of the pictures and videos of your relationship together. Use it as a record of all your time together and as a special touch, make a video asking for their hand in marriage.

    Get A Video To Go Viral

    This could be a tricky one and you will need to be very inventive. You could specifically say in the video that if it finds it’s way back to your partner through social media, then you will ask for their hand in marriage. This might give other people more incentive to share it.

    Use Fiverr.com

    There are some really good gigs on Fiverr that you can use to ask for someones hand in marriage. Billboards are pretty popular. You could use someone with a billboard in New York or next to a famous landmark.

    Status Update

    If you’re in ownership of some epic persuasion skills then you could ask your partners favorite celebrity to pose the question via a status update on Facebook or Twitter.

    Create an Game

    Create an online game or android app that ends with you asking for their hand in marriage. You’re going to need some great programming skills for this, or you can use an app that incorporates a treasure hunt theme that they use it to track down the ring offline.

    Create a Picture

    Pictures are by far the most shared thing on the internet. You could create one seriously funny marriage proposal picture and get it to go viral.

    QR Code

    Create a really cool QR code that they can scan. You could set one up in your local pub so they had no idea that it was related to marriage.

    Use a Band

    Pay a band to record a video and get them to devote a song to your loved one. Right at the end you could get them to tell your partner that you have a question to ask you.

    Video Star

    More persuasion skills needed here. Get your partners favorite celebrity to upload a video message asking them to marry you.

    Surprise Delivery

    If your partner orders products online regularly, ask the company to create a special package to send next time as a surprise. If you’re looking for really cheap idea, then why not ask you’re local pizza delivery service. Whilst not the most romantic experience ever, no one is ever about to forget the time the pizza delivery boy delivered a love pizza with a ring in whilst singing your favorite love song.

    Facebook Ads

    Set up a Facebook page asking your partner to marry u with a unique cover and logo. Then create an advert to be displayed to her/him. You will need to advertise using only friends of friends and then narrow the advert down to your partners age group and sex so that they have every chance of seeing it.

    Start Blogging

    Create a blog style story and get it published in an online magazine or newspaper. The story will need to be interesting enough to read as an article though. Maybe if you met in interesting circumstances or your partner has done something amazing with their life then you can tell their story over the media waves, popping the question right at the end.

    There are many ways that you can ask someone to marry them over the internet. The best part is that the cost can be kept to a minimum; however to make something truly amazing and memorable, you’re going to need a mixture of average tech skills, a bit of cash, and one seriously inventive personality. If you do happen to be a fledging in all these departments, then fear not, put a list together of your most useful friends and revert back to this list. We’re sure that one of you’re friends at the very least will have a skill that matches one of the above ideas: failing that, who doesn’t love pizza?

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    Source by Lydia J T

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  • 5 Major Reasons Why Marriages Break

    5 Major Reasons Why Marriages Break

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    Love: Yes, I mean love. I know you are wondering how love could cause a break up. It is believed that love is the basis of marriage. It is love that brings about marriage. You only marry once you realize that you love somebody else just as yourself. You can not marry somebody you hate. Unless is for some other reasons. When the sweet love you once shared turn into bitter, marriage is set to break. How will one live with a person that she / he resents so much. It is impossible, and that is why, most couples choose to separate and go their on ways. Every human being want to be loved. therefore, where there is no love, couples never stay together for long.

    In-laws: What part does in-laws play in your marriage? Well, there is no marriage without in-laws. When couples get married, they automatically get in-laws. Some of these in-laws are the best and some are the worst. One could wonder whether they ever wanted their son / daughter to marry. They interfere with their children's / brother's / sister's marriage a lot. Who is to blame in this case? In most cases, it is the in-laws from the husband's side that bring all these problems. In such cases the blame goes to the man. He should stand up for his wife at all time even if she is wrong. He should not be the one inciting his people against the wife. Am sorry to say this but some husbands have the audacity to bad mouth their wives to their families. Tell me, won't your in-laws hate you when they hear such bad things coming from your own husband? If you allow your family interfere so much in your marriage, then know that with time, your wife will get tired and call it a quit!

    Infidelity: This is the worst of them all. No one desires to be cheated on by the partner.in fact, if discovered by the other party, there is no forgiveness. When a man discovers that his wife is cheating on him, he can do the worst to the man involved with his wife. Women are lenient. On their part, they can forgive their husbands but will never ever love them again. Some women end up choosing to leave the man and even demand for divorce.

    Comparisons: This is a very painful reason for break ups. when a spouse chooses to constantly compare his / her spouse to another, it really hurt much. Even though the one doing it, could be doing it so unknowingly. In some cases, the spouse who does this comparisons, is aware of it and usually do it purposefully to hurt the spouse. The targeted spouse may in some cases, try to much up to the party being compared to and if the sacrifice is not noticed, this may lead to a break up.

    Physical, emotional and mental abuse: This is one of the major causes for marriage break ups. One couple could be abusive to the other partner. This could be physical / emotional torture. An abusive spouse is worse than a murderer. The reason is: they usually use intimidation and manipulation to keep the abused partner under control at all time. They are sadist! They never want to see their spouses happy! They beat them up, call them all sort of abusive names and even cause the other partner feel useless and unworthy. With such, the marriage will definitely break up especially when the abused get tired of constantly being abused.

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    Source by Leah Simiyu Mbatha

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