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  • To Prevent A Divorce And Save Your Relationship Merely Takes A Willingness To Do So

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    If your relationship is going through a rough patch and it is one of numerous rough spots you may be worried that you are heading for divorce.

    Often divorce can’t be avoided, it will depend on the couple and the circumstance, but there are many times that you can pursue healing your relationship prior to it reaches the point for divorce.

    One error many people make is that they start making promises.

    Even if you believe you are genuine and that you can make some attitude and behavior changes, but do not commit, declarations like these will not save your relationship.

    You do need to go over the issues with your partner though since you can’t simply alter who you are to make them more than satisfied, and you need to be pleased and more than satisfied, too.

    Often there are issues that both of you require to work with to improve the relationship.

    The Idea is to Repair the Relationship Issues

    Telling your partner that you love or admire him/her continuously is not a great idea either, because even if it is true and you do like him, stating it constantly won’t repair any issues.

    Telling him that you like him can be seen as a bit of emotional blackmail – when all else fails to say ‘I love you’ – it doesn’t rather work like that.

    Rather, it’s the holiness within each of you that must be and connect seen as whole that is the miracle remedy for a failing marital relationship.

    The Course in Miracles states, “The holy relationship is a phenomenal teaching accomplishment. In all its aspects, as it begins, develops and becomes accomplished, it represents the reversal of the unholy relationship.”

    When a relationship is in difficulty it can be difficult and you may find yourself a psychological wreck and seem to think that to prevent divorce is impossible.

    Due to the fact that it will just drain him more emotionally, this is another factor why you shouldn’t keep telling him that you love him.

    Telling him that he is sexy or that you love him is something you must save for when you have your relationship back on track.

    Another big mistake when a relationship is in difficulty is to constantly argue, and all it does is add more stress to the relationship, and no one wins these arguments.

    No one Wins Over Arguments

    In a previous discussion I went deeper into the best marriage advice online and does couples therapy really work?

    – Do not start any arguments with your partner and if he begins one then leave.

    – If he would like to go over matters, when he has actually soothed down then ask him.

    – Do not approach the marital relationship like a competitor.

    You are not wanting to prove who is best at relationships and who is to blame for it stopping working, but do approach it like a partnership that you both need to help each other with.

    Sit down with your husband/wife and calmly talk about any problems you have, if your marriage is heading for divorce perhaps discuss how to avoid divorce.

    Don’t argue with him however ask him exactly what he is feeling and how he thinks you can prevent and enhance the marital relationship divorce.

    To save your relationship take his answers into factor to consider along with your own sensations and attempt to work some compromise that will make you both feel better.

    If you handle the problem in a calm and fully grown method, you can between the two of you, and perhaps with marriage counseling, find how to avoid a divorce.

    Even if you believe you are sincere, but he/she is not, and that you can make positive changes, statements of demanding or pleading will only hurt chances for how to fix a failing relationship.

    – Can you stop a divorce after filing?

    It Takes a Readiness to do the Work

    You may, but typically there are issues that both parties need to work with to rather than dealing with a breakup to enhance the relationship.

    Telling him that you enjoy him or that you will do anything for him/her, is something you need to save for when communication and holiness within is found and connected, and you have your relationship back on track.

    When a relationship is in trouble and continuously arguing is happening, the biggest error that needs forgiveness is.

    Do not approach the marital relationship like a competitor to find who is best at relationships and who is to blame, because the ego is in charge then, and you’ll see you both ending the relationship.

    It may be time for leaving the relationship where healing after a breakup is your next phase if you simply can not reconnect and heal within your hearts.

    (I also suggest searching the web for further content that dives into the idea of getting back with your ex, if that may be in the cards, and sure ways to rekindle a relationship.)

    To success in life and love!

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    Source by James Nussbaumer

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  • Christian Marriage Help: Five Causes of Weak Marital Boundaries

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    Are you looking for Christian marriage help to enable you to have stronger boundaries? If you have difficulty setting boundaries in your marriage you are probably tolerating more than you should and allowing yourself to be disrespected. Boundaries are simply what you will and won’t do and when communicated to your husband give him feedback on how you want to be treated. Here are five causes of weak marital boundaries:

    You don’t trust your thoughts, feelings, and perceptions. If you don’t trust your thoughts, feelings and perceptions, you will doubt your convictions and decisions. You won’t be able to trust that what you want and need in your marriage is valid and worth taking a stand for. In order to stand in your truth, you have to know your truth (Ephesians 6:14).

    You would rather give in than have conflict. If you run from conflict, boundaries will be hard for you. If you feel like you should keep the peace at all costs, then taking any type of stand in your marriage that will mean an argument will be very hard for you. Romans 12:18 says you should do whatever you can to keep the peace, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up your beliefs or that you can’t speak your truth.

    You think being a good Christian wife means submitting to your husband in everything. If you believe that God wants you to submit to everything your husband asks, then you will believe that you cannot have boundaries that say no to treatment you don’t want. Submission is part of a balanced partnership where the husband loves his wife and considers her needs as important as his own (Ephesians 5:22-33). You can say no to anything that doesn’t feel right or healthy and you are entitled to have boundaries.

    You are waiting for God to change your husband. If you are waiting for God to change your husband, then you are abrogating your responsibility to take stewardship of your own life. God doesn’t force people to change and he expects you to take responsibility for your own life. If you allow your husband to mistreat you, then you will be enabling him to sin.

    You know your husband won’t respect your boundaries anyway. When you know that something is unacceptable to you and you also know that your husband won’t do what you need him to do, it is harder to set your boundary because you are already figuring out if you have the strength to follow through with whatever consequence or action will be needed.

    Boundaries simply say what you are willing to do and not do. Each partner in a marriage has the right to say no. If you have weak boundaries, you have to understand the reasons why they are weak before you can begin to develop strong boundaries.

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    Source by Karla Downing

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  • Should You Attempt To Show Your Spouse Affection During A Marital Separation?

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    Many people who are reluctantly separated are not sure how they are supposed to act around their separated spouse. This can seem very odd. After all, this is your spouse that we are talking about. Chances are, you have known him for a very long time and being around him should feel as natural as breathing. However, if you are separated and want to reconcile, you can sometimes sense that you are on shaky ground with your spouse. You don’t want to do or say anything that will make him uncomfortable or drive him away. And yet, the wish to reach out to him can be hard to ignore.

    Someone might ask, “How do people handle the showing of affection during trial separations? My husband and I have only been separated for a short time and honestly, I’m not quite sure of protocol here. My husband was over visiting the kids this weekend and we were discussing a sad issue with my husband’s extended family. My husband was upset and I went to hug him, with no ulterior motive whatsoever. I simply wanted to give him some comfort. I didn’t really think about it beforehand. But when I did it, I felt my husband bristle. He literally stiffened at my touch. I pulled away and tried not to make a big deal of it. Later I talked about this with one of my friends and she suggested that perhaps I should not show physical affection to my husband while we are separated. She said that when you separated, you aren’t necessarily loving on one another. Is this true? Should I not be showing affection to my husband right now? He wanted to separate. I did not, but none of this means that I don’t love him anymore. If I shouldn’t show him affection, I could stop. But I don’t really want to. I feel like I’ve already lost so much. Do people really not show affection while separated?”

    It really does depend on the couple. I know some couples who continue to hug, kiss, have sex, etc, while separated. And I know others who hesitate to touch in any way. There is really no hard and fast rule about this. And in my opinion and observation (based and on my own separation,) I think that it is best if you either follow the understandings that you’ve already established. Or, if you have not established boundaries, you either ask now or read your spouse’s cues to determine his comfort level.

    My husband seemed pretty uncomfortable in similar situations and finally I just asked him. I literally said, “Should I not do this?” when I attempted to reach out to him. My husband didn’t flat out tell me no, but he was clearly not comfortable with physical affection in the beginning of our separation. So I eventually decided to just allow him to take the lead. That way, I didn’t have to worry about doing something that would hurt communication between us. Instead, I eventually focused on trying to be comfortable and to laugh and relax with one another so that he’d want to keep communicating. Further down the road, he was the one to initiate physical affection and I believe that this worked best for us, but that may not be true of every couple.

    I do also know that things may change from one day to the next. There might be a time when your spouse pulls away from you and then three days later, he’s reaching out to hug you. It can certainly be confusing and can give you mixed signals. However, I don’t think that you can ever go wrong by being friendly and supportive, but also observant as to how he is acting and how receptive that he might be at the time.

    I realize that this is frustrating. I used to think during my own separation that it just should not be so hard to know how to act around my own husband. But I think that if I would have pressed the issue and pushed affection when he wasn’t receptive, that might have delayed our progress even more. I learned that you really do have to take a gradual approach and just accept the progress that you are given.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

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  • A Christian Love That Goes Beyond Words in Marriage

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    If there is anything that stands at the center of Christianity, it is a deep love expressed to humanity by God himself, which is in turn expressed to others by each of us who have chosen to receive that love. And yet, when it comes to many Christian marriages, this necessary expression of love is often replaced by emotional distancing and painful conflict, which leads many of us to ask, “Where’s the breakdown?”

    CRACKS IN THE MARRIAGE FOUNDATION

    The more I work with Christian couples it becomes apparent that this breakdown is tied to cracks in their marital and spiritual foundations. On the marital front, encouragement is replaced by criticism, validation is replaced by defensiveness, and listening is replaced by the need to express one’s own frustrations. Spiritually, it is often the case that these couples have neglected a pursuit of God in their daily lives, and have defaulted to simply doing things their own way relationally. Yet, they also recognize how relevant that pursuit is to them being able to love one another in the manner they desire.

    A MARITAL DEFINITION OF LOVE

    It is hard to overstate how important love is to a married couple having a strong foundation that lasts a lifetime and facilitates an unbreakable sense of intimacy and connection. Yet, how is the type of love we’re discussing defined? Here’s a definition I will often apply when counseling married couples:

    Love is choosing to be other-centered for the benefit of your spouse, so that what is important to them becomes important to you. It is unselfish and without pride, and aims to offer them the forgiveness and grace which you did not deserve, but were given anyway by God in spite of your sin.

    I realize you may be familiar with other definitions of love, however I believe this definition helps bring married couples to the point of being able to see that their Christian faith is more than a simple tradition. It is a lifestyle of discipleship in which commands such as “love your neighbor as yourself” become formative principles calling each of us to rely on the Lord to empower and guide us as we seek to cherish our significant other.

    RECLAIMING OUR PURSUIT OF THE LORD

    I’m absolutely confident that couples who pursue the Lord in their daily lives, and consistently educate themselves by studying His Word so that they can faithfully follow its instruction and wisdom, will utterly reap the benefits in their marriage. The reason is that we ultimately live out what we believe and what we focus on. Therefore, let us focus on these things so that we can experience a Christian love that goes beyond words in our marriages.

    A MARRIAGE THAT STANDS FIRM

    Let me end by encouraging you to never neglect the freedom that we have to pursue God will all our hearts, and to actually know him and his great love, so that your marriage will stand as a clear reflection of the powerful work the Lord is doing within you.

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    Source by Eric Gomez

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  • Should Marriage Coaching Or Family Therapy Be An Option For Your Marital Problems?

    Should Marriage Coaching Or Family Therapy Be An Option For Your Marital Problems?

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    In an article released by the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, customers of marriage and family counselors from over a dozen states reported on their experience with family therapy.

    The findings suggested that marriage and relationship counselors treated a large range of concerns in relatively short-term fashion. It said that couples therapy and marriage coaching are briefer than specific treatment, which customer satisfaction and practical improvement are rather high.

    Particularly, of customers from over 500 marriage and relationship counselors in over a dozen states:

    – Over 95% rated services outstanding or great

    – Over 90% would recommend their therapist to a buddy

    – Over 90% would go back to the very same therapist in the future

    – Over 90% stated they were assisted in dealing more effectively with problems

    – Over 90% were generally pleased with the service they got

    – Over 95% got the kind of assistance they wanted

    – Almost 75% indicated enhancement in children's behavior

    – Just under 65% reported enhanced physical health

    – Over 95% were pleased with the amount of assistance they got

    – Just under 55% reported improvement in operating at work

    – Almost 60% revealed enhancement in kid's school efficiency

    [NOTE] Excerpted from "Clinical Practice Patterns of Marriage and Family Therapists: A National Survey of Therapists and Their Clients", Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.

    While the above research study supplies raw information that supports the efficiency of marital relationship and household counseling, a very interesting conversation on the question, "Does Marriage Counseling Work" from a public forum devoted to this subject offers a less medical, but still positive view .

    I found that what seems to be an extremely sincere and frank conversation among couples, "who've been there," the response to the question of whether marriage counseling works is a favorable one.

    Will Marital Therapy Work for You?

    Regardless of the studies and viewpoints which seem to support the question of, 'Does couples therapy work,' there are those who question its effectiveness.

    Previously I had a discussion on 'what's going on today with males and how the men actually feel about close relationships and what turns the men on about women.'

    This got the subject going on the science of marital therapy is being studied in excellent detail these days. Research is showing that it is not as reliable as individuals believe that ladies seem to get more from it than men.

    Surely there are times when it may not have a long-lasting result on the couple's marital relationship.

    What type of couple gets the most from couples therapy? The response is young, non-sexist, still in love, open couples.

    Which couples get the least after finding what seems to the best marriage advice?

    Some factors that can make couples therapy not successful consist of couples who wait too long before seeking assistance. I mean that typically one or the other is set on getting a divorce and is closed to any suggestions that may save the marriage.

    It appears that couples who seek relationship healing or marriage coaching due to the fact that they want their relationship to work are more likely to prosper with marriage therapy.

    Many Do Benefit

    Yes, they will benefit more than those who enter into couples counseling with the (maybe hidden) reality that they really more deeply want out of the relationship.

    Again as the Course in Miracles further states, "It is still up to you to choose with truth or with illusion. Remember that to choose one is to let the other go."

    When thinking about best marriage advice, it's hard not to wonder whether seeing a marital relationship counselor will actually work.

    An honest marriage psychologist would agree that the inspiration of a couple might be the single most crucial aspect in identifying the success of marital therapy.

    It's not likely that even a fantastic counselor would be able to conserve a marital relationship where one spouse really doesn't want to put in the effort for relationship healing.

    The best marriage advice you find from a marriage therapist can most likely help a couple who are utterly devoted to making their marital relationship work.

    (I like to often suggest seeking out the web for more helpful material on things like should you separate or divorce now instead of trying to fix a broken a marriage or love relationship?)

    To success in healing and finding happiness!

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    Source by James Nussbaumer

    Views: 0

  • Should Gays Be Allowed to Marry?

    Should Gays Be Allowed to Marry?

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    Marriage is more than a piece of paper. It confers numerous benefits, such as health, disability and life insurance, pension funds and tax refunds for spouses. Many gay couples desire to marry and partake in these benefits but have been denied this right because of their sexuality and that is not fair. According to some individuals, America is the greatest country in the world. It is supposedly filled with opportunities for everyone, not just financially but an opportunity to be free from judgement. This is not true. Everyday, millions of people are denied a right many take for granted. Gay couples in most states cannot marry because it is illegal to marry someone of the same sex and that is not fair.

    Marriage is a legal commitment between two consenting adults. It is about sharing, love, trust, and legal status. Two adults who make this private personal choice to form a life-long commitment should not be denied the right to marry just because their sexual orientation. It is illegal to discriminate against gays seeking employment, education or housing. Gays keep communities safe as firefighters and police officers, staff hospitals, and pay taxes. Denying gay couples the right to legally marry takes away their legal rights in receiving employee benefits, government benefits, and other benefits that heterosexual couples enjoy.

    A person's sexuality should not be an obstacle to whether he or she wants to marry someone. A gay person has the same needs and desires as a heterosexual individual. The only difference is the way he or she has sex. If two individuals fall in love and wants the same economic advantages that marriage offers heterosexual couples, they should not be denied that right based on their sexuality.

    Although American society denies the right to marriage to gays, it glorifies heterosexuals who make a mockery out of marriage by marrying and divorcing a succession of partners. This practice is called "Serial Monogamy" and it is sickening and very hypocritical of American society to stand judgment on gays for their lifestyles but sanctions heterosexuals who do not have good judgment or morals. Most people who are opposed to gay marriage often bring up the Bible, saying that the Bible does not condone the gay lifestyle and that marriage is strictly between a man and woman.

    However, these same individuals are often involved in extra-marital affairs, are cohabitating without the benefit of marriage or are gay themselves, hiding behind pious words of morality. Gays are just like anyone else and they deserve to partake in the economic advantages that marriage has to offer. Instead of denying the right to marriage to gays, American society should concentrate on fixing the widening economic gap between the wealthy and the poor and figuring out why American society is the laughing stock of the world.

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    Source by Kathy Henry

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  • Is Equitable Distribution of Marital and Non-Marital Assets the Same As Equal Distribution?

    Is Equitable Distribution of Marital and Non-Marital Assets the Same As Equal Distribution?

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    No, equitable distribution of marital and non-marital assets is not the same as equal distribution. Equal distribution states, known as community property states include California, Louisiana, New Mexico, Washington, Arizona, Idaho, Nevada, Texas, Wisconsin, and by agreement of both parties, Alaska. All other states distribute marital assets using the term "equitable" which, in legal terms, means "fair" distribution of assets. (Debts are also termed marital and non-marital and will be distributed equally or equitably according to the parties state of residence). The actual fairness of the distribution will depend on if a couple can negotiate their own equitable distribution through the mediation process, required in Florida, for example, or if a judge must use his or her interpretation of what will be fair for each party, particularly when looking into the past for who contributed what to the marriage and into the future for how each party will continue to manage as a single, now responsible for their own welfare.

    Non-marital assets include all property, real and otherwise which a party obtained before the marriage took place. For example property such as a home, high-end furniture or electronics, valuable jewelry, and / or a vehicle, if completely paid for by a party prior to his or her marriage would be termed non-marital and be retained by that party. Also property real or otherwise, if sold during the marriage could provide profit belonging to the owning party to be used at his or her discretion. An inheritance or specific gift can also be termed non-marital. Substantial proof of the pre-marital ownership or post-marital acquisition of all non-marital assets will be required before the actual acceptance of an asset as non-marital.

    Marital assets are all property and items accumulated and / or purchased during the marriage. Monies earned during the marriage are also looked at to determine what each party has contributed to the welfare of the union. It is important to understand that, for example, a woman or man who has stayed home to care for home and children will have their years of non-monetary work be given a value which will compute into dollars when figuring the actual equitable distribution. The lifestyle of the family and how each party will be able to continue following the final judgment will also be a factor when a judge decides the final distribution. Remember, "fair" is the keyword is making an equitable distribution. Length of the marriage, the parties economic situation, contributions to the education or career or the other party, the need to keep an asset such as a business or family heirloom, severe waste of assets during 2 years prior to filing, and the wisdom of retaining the marital home, particularly if minor children are involved are all considerations when determining equitable distribution. A complete list of considerations for equitable distribution of marital assets and debts in the state of Florida can be found in Florida Statute 61.075.

    As can be easily seen, the whole issue of determining marital versus non-marital and equitable distribution involve a whole maze of considerations. An experienced legal professional will be able to help his or her client sort out the many in and outs, as well as help collect the necessary proofs needed. And finally, if you are serious about a dissolution of your marriage, try to the best of your ability to work out your final agreement during your meditation when you and your spouse can determine the equitable distribution for yourselves. A lot of feelings can be hurt when a judge is the one to tell you what you can and cannot keep. Finally, if the equitable distribution decided on during mediation is extremely one-sided a judge can refuse to sign the final order, so be fair, "equitable" and all will benefit.

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    Source by Grant J Gisondo

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  • My Husband Says He’s Going To Leave Me, And Yet He’s Still In Our Home – Why?

    My Husband Says He’s Going To Leave Me, And Yet He’s Still In Our Home – Why?

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    Often, when a husband announces that he is going to leave, a wife expects him to promptly pack his bags and begin the separation. It’s not that this is what the wife wants to happen. But when someone makes an announcement that is this serious, well, the assumption is that no one would want to drag their feet on this, as once the decision has been made, it’s probably easier to just go ahead and move out.

    However, this isn’t what always happens. Some husbands make this announcement and then they don’t really move out right away. Some are still telling their wives that they are leaving even as they continue to park themselves on the couch and make use of the refrigerator. A wife might say: “I truly don’t get it. Three weeks ago, my husband came home and announced that he is going to leave me. He said that our marriage hasn’t been good for a while now and that he thinks that we should take a break and live apart to see what happens. This isn’t what I want. In my heart, I feel like if he leaves, he might never come back and we might end up divorced. He actually told me that he wanted to leave on a Friday night. I expected him to move out that weekend. Why wait? If you’re going to take the initiative to tell your wife that you are going to leave her, I would think that you would want to leave as soon as possible. That isn’t the case, though. It’s three weeks later and he’s still in our house. He’s still complaining. He’s still saying he’s going to leave and yet he is still here. I’m afraid to ask him why he’s still here because I am afraid that he would take that to mean that I wanted him out. My mom says that he is essentially free loading or that he’s too lazy to find a new place, but that doesn’t make sense, as my husband earns more than I do. Why do men say that they want to leave their wives and then stay at home?”

    I can only speculate, because there are a variety of reasons. I will list some of them below so that you can see if any of them might ring true.

    He May Not Want To Actually Leave And Was Just Trying To Get A Reaction: Sometimes, a husband truly is frustrated with the marriage or the situation, but he doesn’t know how to create change. He may have tried to make a change without success or he’s afraid that you will be resistant or defensive. So he puts the “leaving” out there in the hopes that you will try to stop him or that you will then be open to negotiating change.

    He May Be Trying To Move Out At The Right Time Or In The Right Way: Some husbands do take their time in actually moving out. Many aren’t all that excited about moving from their familiar and comfortable home into a smaller apartment. Others will try to leave their wife in a good place before they physically move out. What I mean by that is that some will complete repairs and necessary maintenance before they leave so that their wife doesn’t have to worry about this.

    He May Be Having Second Thoughts: This is the final suggestion that I will make. We all say things or make decisions out of frustration, only to have second thoughts later. Actually moving out of your home and pursuing a marital separation is a huge step. And it would be completely normal for him to reconsider and then to hesitate to admit this. It’s possible that he’s hoping that this will just blow over or that you will ask him not to leave.

    Deciding Where To Go From Here: Since you can’t know which of the above is true (unless he tells you,) then you have to ask yourself what really matters the most. If you want to save your marriage, then I think you have focus on the fact that at least he’s still there – whatever the reason. It’s so much easier to save your marriage when your husband is physically present. When he moves out, it can be difficult to reconnect and to not have repeated misunderstandings since communication is limited and not always face-to-face. Yes, I know that it is frustrating that he’s sending mixed signals and that this is confusing. But I think that it is better to focus on the fact that he is there rather than questioning him and then potentially forcing him out. If you can use this time to improve things so that he doesn’t follow through and leave, then that’s probably the best option.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0