Global Digital Store – Ebooks and Softwares

Tag: Man

It Appears That My Husband Doesn’t Want To Have Sex With Me After His Affair

[ad_1]

I sometimes hear from wives who are devastated not only by their husband’s cheating or affair, but also by the loss of intimacy and physical contact. For whatever reason, sex has been taken off the table. So at a time when a wife is already hurt and confused, she’s now struggling with the fact that she can’t have the reassurance of being intimate. This leaves her wondering whether her husband is still attracted to her sexually and whether or not her marriage will be able to recover.

She might say, “my husband had an affair about two months ago. At first, I would not even speak to him. Eventually, I allowed him to come and see the kids, and little by little, we began talking again. I can tell that he feels very guilty and embarrassed. He goes out of his way to be accommodating and kind to me. He has told me that although he’d like to stay married and that he would never cheat on me again, he can’t ask me to stay with him because he doesn’t know if he could stay with me if I cheated. He is basically saying that he wouldn’t blame me if I refused to take him back. I’ve told him that I’m going to take my time in making a decision. But up until this week, I truly was considering it. However, last weekend, the kids and I watched a movie with my husband and they fell asleep. My husband and I ended up talking and laughing. One thing lead to another and before long we were kissing. When things were about to get intimate, my husband pulled away and said ‘I just can’t have sex with you right now.’ I was stunned, so I asked, ‘you can’t or you won’t?’ He got up and said ‘I just can’t. I’m sorry.’ I have no idea what to make of this. I have tried to ask him about this, but he always changes the subject. Is he not attracted to me? Can he not physically complete the task because of the affair? I want to save my marriage, but I also want to have a healthy sex life again one day. Why would a man not be able to have sex with his wife after the affair?”

I can’t speak for your husband, but I’d suspect that it wasn’t that he couldn’t have sex with you. I suspect that he could have completed the task if he had felt right about it. However, many men have quite a bit of guilt and shame after the affair. So they know that having sex again might create a good deal of awkwardness and negative feelings. On the one hand, they may very much want to have sex with you. But they are ashamed of this desire since they feel that they don’t have any right to ask this of you. Plus, they know that when you disrobe and begin to have sex, you might both be caught up in thoughts of him having sex with someone else, since that wound is so fresh. The thought of this might terrify him. And he might figure that it’s better to just wait to have sex than to try it now and have it be a disaster. Also, he may not want for it to look like he’s only interested in sex with you when he doesn’t really deserve it.

I know that this is painful and may feel like a rejection, but let’s look at the facts. Your husband and yourself were having a nice, light-hearted time laughing together. He was clearly into it when he was kissing you. And then something changed. Since he’s told you that he’d like to save your marriage, I highly doubt that he’s not attracted to you. In fact, I’m sure it was tempting to have sex. However, he was probably trying to avoid a potentially embarrassing or awkward encounter. And perhaps he didn’t want for you to feel taken advantage of in the morning or he did not want for you to feel guilty.

Many couples delay sex after an affair for a couple of different reasons. They want to make sure that it is the right time. They do not want to rush into it and potentially make bigger problems than they already had. Many know that if the sex was awkward and just not good then they would take that to mean that their marriage was doomed. So they wait until they are sure that it will be right, because they know that they are going to analyze it.

Your husband could have the same thought process. He may want to wait until you’re both sure that it’s the right time. He may not want to look like the creep who is pressuring his wife to have sex after his affair. And he probably knows that you might both have thoughts of the affair during sex. All these reasons are why it can truly make sense to wait.

[ad_2]

Source by Katie Lersch

Views: 0

July 20, 2022
Wisdom For Living-Consider The Poor
[ad_1]

Do you consider the poor? Is giving to the poor part of your budget? This is an important wisdom for living. It is a wisdom key which many believing Christians are neglecting to their own detriment. This post expounds on considering the poor as wisdom for living.

Blessed is he who considers the poor; the Lord will deliver him in time of trouble. The Lord will preserve him and keep him alive, and he will be blessed on the earth; You will not deliver him to the will of his enemies. The Lord will strengthen him on his bed of illness; You will sustain him on his sickbed – Psalm 41:1-3 (NKJV).

The poor are important to God. While He waits for them to learn and overcome poverty, He also would want them to be well taken care of, because He cares for them. God will not come down in person to help the poor; He will need human beings to reach out to them. So, God is ready to bless anyone who will offer himself or herself as a channel of blessing to the poor.

Whoever considers the poor does so on behalf of the Almighty God and lends to Him, and He will repay back. Imagine when God is repaying back what He will give! You give with your little hand and God repays with His big hand! Awesome investment! Give to the poor and you will never know lack in your life.

Giving is living. Making giving your lifestyle is to live a purposeful life; putting smiles on the faces of many people and giving them a reason to live on is what life is all about. Among many other blessings that come your way, joy unspeakable and peace of mind become your portion. This cannot be quantified. Also, you tend to keep living even when you are gone.

In Psalm 41:1-3, the Lord stated the things He was going to do for whoever considers the poor.

These include:
- Deliverance in time of trouble.
- Preservation and long life.
- Blessings, which includes financial blessing.
- Protection from enemies.
- Healing and health
All the above will be yours if you will consider the poor as a lifestyle.

As a believing Christian, giving to the poor whatever you can: money, time, energy, food and clothing, expresses the love of Christ to them and will endear Christ to them, convicting them to surrender totally to Him. Indeed, it is a perfect way to win souls for Christ.

Truly, considering the poor is wisdom for living. It gives you the reason to live and continuously changes your level to higher places. It gives you what money can never purchase for you; it gets the living God to be for you, your defense, provider and keeper.

Job was a man who considered the poor and every ear that heard him blessed him and every eye that saw him approved of him. These were because he delivered the poor who cried out, the fatherless and the one who had no helper. He was eye to the blind, feet to the lame and father to the poor; and God blessed him greatly and preserved all that belonged to him (Job 29:11-16, Job 1:10). This can also be your story.

In conclusion, are you in a state that needs to be changed or do you desire to change your level to a higher one? Consider the poor around you, reach out to them and the Lord will reach out to you too. Let God use you to bless the poor and He will cause men to bless you too.

[ad_2]

Source by Ngozi Nwoke

Views: 0
July 20, 2022
Is He Marriage Material? Four Steps for Creating Your Custom Plan & Deciding If He's Worth Your Time

[ad_1]

It's important that you know yourself, your goals, your needs and wants really well before you can find a great relationship that could potentially lead to marriage.

And the best way to determine if your current or future boyfriend is marriage material is to know yourself, create a checklist of what's right for you, and then test him to see if he fits.

In this article, we'll break down what things you need to know about both yourself and him in order to even consider that next step!

Step One: Know There Is a "Mr. Perfect for You" and That You Can Design Him

Are you still waiting for HIM? You know who I mean:

"Mr. Right". The perfect man that will satisfy all your dreams and make your life worth living?

Yeah, that guy. Well, sorry to break it to you like this but …

Prince Charming, riding on a white stallion, lost his way because men hate asking for directions.

Or he found Princess Charming and got married to her on his way to your castle … or, you know, your apartment.

And by the way, even Prince Charming wasn't flawless. I'm pretty sure he left dirty dishes in the sink and never made up the bed.

Anyway, the point is that PERFECT isn't showing up anytime soon.

Truth is … nobody is perfect. No man and no woman. Perfection doesn't exist in people. But don't feel bad if you have been looking for the perfect man.

I did that for a long time, deathly afraid that if I didn't get him exactly right, I'd failed myself, my future kids, the planet, my Mama, and possibly God.

I was wrong. Don't even look for perfect, because the concept of "perfect for YOU" exists instead. You can plan the guy that may not perfect in the world, but is perfect for and fits YOU well.

The perfect-for-you man of your dreams is not hiding under your bed, though. That would be too easy. Can't have that.

Nope, you are going to have to actively design and then look for him. But don't worry, the search can be fun if you want it to be, and the hardest part is done. You now know you won't find perfect, so the pressure is off!

By the way, are you feeling the whole "not pretty enough" thing sometimes too? Wondering "why am I still single" even?

I did too. However, I learned that although I may not completely fit my society's "standard of beauty", I did meet quite a few men's individual standard of beauty … or was at least close enough!

And that's all you really need. So don't worry. "Mr. Close-Enough-To-Perfect-For-You" might be just around the corner … if you'll give him a chance!

You can plan him. Don't do this by default.

I've noticed that we sometimes find ourselves dating or even married by what I call "by default". That means we find a man, decide that he is the best we can do, and latch on without really analyzing him to determine if he's really right for us or our lives.

Don't fall victim to default. This isn't the time for "get in where you fit in". You CAN plan him. When you do your research and work your strategy, you won't have to put up with the losers!

You'll have a way to know whether he's marriage material … or not!

Now that you know that there is no "Mr. Right" or perfect man, the pressure is off, and you can now have fun looking for what I call your "ideal male". You're also aware that dating by default isn't the best way to avoid the pain of being with a dud. And you understand you can take the bull by the horns and decide what you want your ideal guy to look like.

Now it's time to dive into YOU, determine your dating deal breakers, and decide what kind of guy fits you best.

Step Two: Get to Know YOU: Your Goals and Dreams, Needs and Wants, and Deal Breakers

Did you see the first The Matrix ™ movie? Remember that scene where Neo goes to see the Oracle?

He is trying to figure out if he's "the one" – a Messiah of sorts and the man Morpheus is searching for– and thinks the Oracle can help him decide what to do.

Typical of a good mentor, the Oracle makes Neo find his own way. Before putting him out to find his own answers, she points out the plaque above her door that reads nosce te ipsum.

Know thyself.

You should know yourself really well before committing to someone else.

Have you ever taken time to really think about what YOU want for your life? I don't mean what you THINK you want – which is usually what others want for you – or what society wants for you – don't get me started on that, but what YOU really, truly, want for yourself?

Why? Well, understanding yourself is the most important thing you can do before getting deeply involved with another person.

I'm not saying you'll do everything perfectly even if you see yourself clearly. Problems can still happen, and you will make mistakes.

But if you pick a mate based on what you learn about yourself, you will have a much better shot at finding compatibility than if you have no idea who you are and just go into this blindly, hoping it will turn out okay.

If you don't know yourself or your needs well, and hook up with someone before finding YOU first, you may end up realizing that the person you are with does not fit you or your life at all, or at least not enough for things to last very long. Relationship compatibility is CRUCIAL.

Being badly matched could be disastrous, especially if you cement yourself to him by having a child or getting married.

Know Your Goals and Dreams … and Stick With Them

When I think about it, I'm so glad to have been born when I was. We've got so many options now that women in my mother's age range and older just didn't have. We now have the tools and the right to decide what we want in terms of a career, marriage, and family just as much as men do.

However, despite having goals and dreams, we sometimes get so caught up in a relationship that our own lives take a backseat. We end up giving up our dreams for relationships and marriage, children and family.

Now, if you have a family with a man that's right for you then maybe these sacrifices are worth it.

However, they are never worth it with the wrong man, so always keep your goals in the front of your mind and don't let the wrong guy take them from you.

So what are your goals and dreams?

Think about the things you want to do with your life. Your goals can be in any category, including career, travel, health, spirituality … anything at all. It's up to you. But to get you started, I suggest you look at these areas.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Do you have a specific career in mind? Is there any special education you want to achieve? Anywhere in particular you want to work? Maybe even start your own business?

What about fun? Have you always wanted to travel? Where to? How long? Don't be modest; anything is possible!

Do you have any specific body or health goals? Want to lose a bit of weight? Gain weight? Gain muscle? Run a marathon?

Do you feel a lack in your spiritual life? Want to attend church more? Study other religions? Memorize a holy book or two? Become a Buddhist? None of the above? Don't forget this is about YOU.

Do you want kids? No kids, but more dogs? A cat or two? A llama? Plan your own family goals!

The point is that these are to be YOUR ambitions and no one else's. Let your imagination have some fun.

Now that you've considered your goals, let's look at what you want and need in a relationship.

Decide on Your Needs / Wants

I hear some of you asking: "wants or needs … what's the difference?"

Well, when I say needs, it's exactly that. Those are characteristics you can't really live without. Wants are nice, but not crucial. You can go on without them if necessary.

I have several friends who are single and looking for a good man. A couple of these ladies wanted to buck the trend of just dating whoever came along.

Instead they really studied themselves and then decided what type of man they want. They began to examine what type of guy complemented them and quickly discovered what they would and would not tolerate in a mate. I suggested they document their needs and wants to decide if the next guy would fit them.

For example, one friend, Josie, decided her ideal guy would know how – and be willing to – cook some of the meals. He had to be thoughtful, emotionally available and like to talk things out after an argument instead of hiding out and pouting.

She also realized she needed him to be on the same page as her spiritually, and that he would have to be an avid church attendee. He also should love and want children like she did.

Clearly, getting involved with a man who had none (or barely any) of these characteristics would result in serious arguments and almost guaranteed problems in Josie's future.

So she wrote her requirements on a checklist, and if potential dates didn't meet her minimum needs, she politely said thanks, but no thanks.

By doing her work up front, Josie was able to avoid a lot of the painful frustrations of dating the wrong guy. She hasn't found the "right one" quite yet, but she's successfully avoided several really wrong ones.

So what are your wants and needs pertaining to him?

Like Josie, do you want him to be spiritual or religious? Look back at your goals list. Does it have any things on it that you want to do and he should match? For example, if your goal is to become a Buddhist, should he already be one, or be open to it?

Should he want kids? Should he want pets? Do you already have a pet and / or or kids and the "children" have to sign off on him?

Next, you will discover that some of your wants / needs will have nothing to do with your goals. They'll be all about his personality traits, which we'll cover in a bit.

Be Aware of Your Deal Breakers

Speaking of wants vs. needs … deal breakers – like needs- are crucial. These are the characteristics you must have – or avoid – for a relationship to work.

A huge deal breaker that I have encountered in my work has been the differing desire for children. If that's you, just be upfront about it.

If he wants kids and you don't, that's okay, but you two aren't compatible. If you want them and he doesn't, then it isn't going to work. Children just aren't something you can compromise on.

Another deal breaker I recommend you consider is ANY type of abuse. Even if it seems "mild" or that he's "just playing", mistreatment is a red flag and it's better to be single than dead. Too many women have ignored the signs and ended up paying with their lives.

Are there other deal breakers on your mind? Then put them on your list.

Now That You've Listed Them, Look for Your Needs, Wants, Dreams and Deal Breakers in HIM

If you're currently dating, does your current guy fit any of the items on your checklist so far?

Remember to be honest about this. Be aware whether you see these attributes because you want to, or if they are really there.

Be honest with yourself, put the emotion aside, and find out who he actually is. Time out for the fantasies and soap operas. This is serious. If he really doesn't fit – even if you really want him to – strike him from consideration. Doing so doesn't mean he isn't a good guy, he's just not the right one for you.

Step Three: Look for Generally Good Traits in Him

Remember I said earlier that you also needed to consider his personality traits too?

Now it's time to look into whether he has good personality traits or whether he shows some relationship red flags you need to steer clear of.

I'll mention my top three desirable traits just to get you started. It's up to you decide whether they are also on your list, or you can do without them. I know I've said this a lot, but your checklist is always yours and should reflect you, not me or anyone else.

Trust

Trust. I usually trust close family and friends, but are hesitant to extend it to strangers. It takes a while to gain my trust, and I suggest you do the same when dating.

Have you ever heard the expression "measure twice, cut once?". I think it's mostly for carpenters and woodworkers who want to be sure before making a permanent move. You can always take off a little more, but you can't always put it back.

Keeping that phrase in mind while dating wouldn't hurt. Why?

We have to be careful. A poor choice in a mate can have huge consequences in a woman's life, so we definitely have to measure our men multiple times before committing. One of the ways you should evaluate a man is whether you trust him, so be sure to do that carefully.

To determine whether you can trust your partner, here are a few tips:

* Rely on yourself first. Do you normally make good decisions? Yes? Then trust that you will make the right call.

* Depend on your head and your heart. Look for signs. Is he checking out other women when you're together? Does he hang around with trustworthy people or does he deal with shadies?

* Pay attention to what he is telling you AND showing you and then use that information to help you make informed decisions. Talk is cheap. Watch what he DOES.

* Remember that if you have decided that you are going to trust him, then follow through and trust him! Don't sit and worry at night, wondering what he's doing or if he's being unfaithful.?If you feel you have to do that, then a relationship with this guy just isn't worth the stress.

Honesty

Trust and honesty go hand in hand, so let's talk about it a bit. Find out if your partner is honest before getting too deeply involved with him.

How do you know if your guy is honest?

Take the initiative.

You must be honest if you're expecting it from your partner. Don't hide things, mislead him, or tell little "white lies" that are so easy to rationalize: it's no big deal if I just hide this small detail, etc.

I know an otherwise really sweet couple who seemed to build their relationship on white lies. I think they were trying to "spare each other" from bad stuff, but it ended up backfiring on them. They didn't outright lie to each other (at least in their minds), but those little lies formed cracks in their relationship that eventually caused it to collapse.

Do your homework.

Find out all you can about your partner.

You don't have to be obsessed, but do your research within reasonable boundaries.

I don't think it's necessary to get the cops involved here, but say if you were introduced by a mutual friend or family member, ask that person about your partner. Are they trustworthy? What are they like in private? Find out those types of things and you'll quickly get an idea of their honesty.

You'd ask for a referral and recommendations for anything else you're considering -from a plumber to a lawyer-why not get more information on a potential mate?

Last, make sure he knows upfront that honesty is an expectation and you won't tolerate anything less.

Have conversations about honesty. Make it clear that you are going to be honest and ask him to do the same. It's funny how many issues in relationships can be worked out through simple communication. Just talk.

If you start your relationship on a good, honest foundation, your chances of success increase greatly over those who choose to be dishonest or shady. And if you inform him upfront that it's expected, here's his chance to leave if he can't handle it.

As with anything else, there is risk involved. If trust is earned and then continues, awesome! But if it gets broken, don't beat yourself up and think you failed. You did everything you could.

We all make mistakes, you're only human. Learn from it, move on, and eventually you'll get it right!

Respect

I try to follow "The Golden Rule". I try to treat others as I would like to be treated. I want to be respected, so I try my hardest to respect others. It ain't easy all of the time, but it's worth at least trying!

If you have tried giving plenty of respect to your partner, but are not getting it in return, don't forget that you have the right to fix that problem. Don't just take his lack of respect lying down!

Whether that means talking with him about the lack of respect and asking for changes, or deciding this is not worth your time, make sure you don't allow disrespect to continue too long.

To figure out where you stand, ask yourself these questions:

• Does he respect you? If he demeans, objectifies, or degrades you, you're better off leaving. As the investors say on Shark Tank ™: "I'm out".

• Notice the way he treats you when you don't agree with him. Can you appreciate each other's different views without him getting pissed off?

• Find opportunities to be around his closest friends or family. When with familiar people, he will show his true colors eventually. Is he respectful around them?

• How does his family treat you? If they treat you as their equal, not an inferior, that's a good sign. Hopefully, he learned good things from them.

You also need to be honest with yourself regarding how you view your partner. Do you really value him, too? If you find you don't, you need to rethink your relationship.

Step Four: Tidy Up Your List

This isn't the end, it's just the beginning. Your checklist is always growing and changing along with you, so don't hesitate to add or even delete items that no longer fit you.

The point is that your plan reflect you at all times and if used, will allow you to choose a man who is right for you.

Good luck!

[ad_2]

Source by Nichole White

Views: 0

July 19, 2022
Make Time to Heal

[ad_1]

The course of life can lead to many roads. As a child we don’t have much say about anything. As a young adult we can begin to make choices; some lead to pleasure, while others lead to pain. We may not realize that some of those choices determine the direction of much of our adult lives.

If we grew up in a dysfunctional home we may repeat some of the same mistakes that caused us pain while growing up. When we make similar mistakes that our parents made they can lead to a cyclical pattern of emotional pain. If you were abused, neglected or abandoned you suffered some degree of emotional trauma. Recognizing emotional deficiencies is the first step.

Not everyone processes emotional pain the same

Getting help for emotional issues requires humility and courage. The fact that emotional pain isn’t outwardly visible; often results in denial; which leads to not pursuing any form of help. Not everyone processes emotional pain the same.

Imagine – two people lose their job. One person goes home and is sad, yet not over taken by emotions. The other person is also terminated; he leaves the work-site and returns in a fit of rage. Why? No one can pinpoint all of the reasons two persons experience identical circumstances yet respond differently.

Whenever someone experiences unexpected tragedy in life: there is a process or method that intuitively begins to take place. The Kubler-Ross model states there are 5 stages to grief and loss. They are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Each person is unique therefore there is no specific order or amount of time that dictates how brief or lengthy this process takes. The Kubler-Ross model identifies the emotional occurrences that one might experience due to sudden loss or grief.

Inner healing takes time

Inner healing takes time. Whenever an individual is stuck and seems unable to move past any specific emotion professional help may be the best out. All too often hurting people don’t identify themselves as needing help until things have gotten way out of hand.

Self-Love is a good starting point for healing. Love and forgiveness are equally important for emotional well-being. Struggles can build character if we process our emotions in a healthy way. Feeling alone, forgotten and misunderstood is common to man: being stuck in these emotions isn’t. It takes strength, courage, perseverance and support to overcome tragedy. Not everyone will overcome; some will remain stuck in grief. No matter what we say or do for them some will not move forward. It’s at this point that we should maintain a loving heart towards them; and set boundaries when necessary.

God will often use people to help other people navigate through difficult times. Those that overcome obstacles in their personal lives can be strength to those who are struggling

Your past is your reality, not your destiny

If you have been unable to move forward from grief after an extended amount of time, don’t blame yourself. If you have unresolved emotional pain, grief, or bitterness don’t lose hope. I’d like to encourage you to make it a point to seek professional and spiritual help to heal. Don’t settle for pain being your lot in life. Instead take courage; press past your wounds until you experience wholeness. Make peace with your pain. Your past is your reality, not your destiny.

God wants to heal you and restore peace to your life. There are many dedicated professionals such as; social workers, psychologist, psychiatrist and therapist who are available to help you.

In addition there are qualified pastors and ministers who can help guide you to inner peace. Finding the right help might not be as hard as you imagine. Getting started is the first step. Make getting help a priority and be consistent. Recognize when it’s time to stop dealing with your troubles on your own. If your efforts have failed to yield notable results it’s time to reach out for help. If you’ve gotten results that only provide temporary relief this indicates the need for a new method. Get professional help.

Don’t let excuses keep you from becoming emotionally sound. Be humble; bold and courageous by taking the necessary steps to acquire victory. Be willing to do the work to get results.

There are many reasons you shouldn’t give up on being restored. Do it for yourself, and those who love you. Expect healing to take place. Expect relief to come and grief to be gone. You are worth the fight. Everything in your life won’t be summoned up in a day; reach for healing anyway. It takes time to heal; Healing is a process.

Give your pain over to God; He is able to take on the caresof the world without being overburdened.

Instead of suppressing old emotional wounds, confront them, make peace with them, and then let them go. Turn your pain over to God; He is able to take on the care-of the whole world without being overburdened.

Make a decision to be the best you, that you’ve ever been; starting right now! Get a grip on yourself so you can take charge of your future. Step out of your place of barely getting by. Put away all the things you’ve used to self-medicate. Trust someone to help you move past your pain. Healing is available!

Come out of your place of hiding; there is no healing there! There is no resolution in a private box! Mankind was not created to become an island. People were created to relate to other humans. Help is waiting, Are you ready? Your healing is waiting for you!

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.

1Peter 5:7 NLT

[ad_2]

Source by Elaine P Jones

Views: 0

July 19, 2022
Do Women Like Sex Toys? 7 Things Every Man Ought to Know About Your Girl (and Her Toys!)

[ad_1]

What kind of sex toys to women really like? What would a woman use a sex toy… when she can have sex with any man she wants, any TIME she wants? Do women masturbate as much as men do? If not… why not? Can a woman have an orgasm with a sex toy, faster than during sex? What type of toys are most common? Will buying a sex toy for my girlfriend, wife or partner turn her on… Or will it be wildly inappropriate?

Any of these questions sound familiar? If you are anything like the vast majority of men who enjoy our articles on sex, lust, love and relationships, the topic of sex toys and girls has no doubt come up for you more than once, right? (no pun intended, too)! The truth is, while women love sex as much as men do, it’s much more difficult for a woman to have an orgasm from sex. Why? Because girls have a much different sexual response cycle than men do, and our most sensitive sexual spots are often buried more deeply in our bodies than men can reach on their own.

Want some quick facts about women and sexual aids? Let’s take a look at 7 little known facts below!

Here are some random thoughts about women, vibrators, sex toys and things that turn her on when she’s NOT with a partner. (and sometimes, when she is as well)

1. The vast majority of women do masturbate. (not as much as guys do, it’s true)

2. Women DON’T use vibrators to play… As much as they use nothing at all. (just her hands, guys – she’s easy!)

3. Many women enjoy sex toys as part of an easy way to spice up a relationship and have better sex to boot!

4. Some women don’t want to discuss what they do in private, either… As this can still be a topical taboo.

5. Buying a sex toy may seem like a good and romantic idea, but in truth, it’s probably NOT what she really wants as a gift. Why? Because while some women might disagree with this, what she does in her alone time is probably best selected BY her, for herself. (even though many women do enjoy sharing these sorts of intimate experiences with their partners)

6. The vast majority of women can have an orgasm from a sexual aid of any type. While it’s not nearly as “open” a conversation in public as men’s habits are, some surveys show that upwards of 90% of women can achieve orgasm from self gratification, and most can (and frequently do)! Have multiple orgasms from the same activity.

7. Lastly, there are 2 different types of orgasms that are common while using sexual “props” or toys. The first is a sequential orgasm, which is a form of multiple orgasm where one quickly follows the other. The second type, called a “serial” orgasm, is more commonly found amongst women who enjoy longer, and deeper experiences with sexual “helpers”. A woman who has serial orgasms is a woman who can climax many times, in a single session of sex. (and some would say, is a very lucky woman indeed)!

[ad_2]

Source by Amy A.

Views: 0

July 19, 2022
The Sorry State Of Nigeria’s Judiciary Among Others Makes The Battle Cry For A Revolution Inevitable By Francis Adewale

Lawyers

“Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable.”
– President John F. Kennedy (1962)

This week may be one of the worst weeks for Nigerian judiciary and they might have made the much vaunted Sowore’s revolution inevitable. The first salvo was the list of judges released by the National Judicial Council replete with the names of their sons and daughters as well as hangers on. Second is the farcical decision in EFCC vs Kalu where the Supreme Court “suo motu” created a new section to the constitution of Nigeria by vacating a conviction duly given under an extant law. The strange rationale by the Supreme Court is that the presiding judge, now elevated to the Court of Appeal should not have pronounced the sentence. The Court conveniently ignored the fact that the accused counsel had invited the judge to come back and continue the hearing by a formal letter!

Gone are the days when Nigerian judiciary is famously celebrated as the last bastion of defense for the common man. The days of Kayode Esho, Chukwudifu Oputa, Muhammed Uwais is long gone. Our judiciary is no more like Caesar’s wife, above board. The problem however is not necessarily down to the hydra headed monster of corruption alone but a more sinister evil called, nepotism. It is my humble opinion that an opaque process for selection of judges led us to where we found ourselves this week. And the problem did not start with the current chief justice. The dysfunction and bastardization have been long in coming, and as we will find out in this piece, the cancer has eaten deep into the fabric of this nation. The revolution is inevitable.

Lawyers

Google

What precipitate this write up is a social media post by a good friend of mine and I obtained his permission to repost his comment with my personal edits:
“It took Orji Kalu only 4 months including Covid lockdown challenge to move from the High Court to Supreme Court to get his so called sound judgment from Supreme Court while it took ten years to get his case completed at the High Court level. Ten good years! And we are told justice in Nigeria is not cash and carry? The Supreme Court is preparing the ground for a revolution and very soon something extraordinary will take place. The same Supreme Court that will give 2021 and 2022 court date for poor defendants, sat and summarily decide a case within 4 months while cases of those facing a life sentence languish in the labyrinth of jungle justice!”

My first response to the post, is to retort that the problem did not start with judiciary, but they seem to have led the “nunc dimitis” for the internment of democracy in Nigeria. The judiciary may have pushed us to the praecipe but they were not the only one. We all recalled the impunity days of PDP rule and how they ride roughshod on people’s right, celebrating acquisition of jets obtained from corrupt practices while hordes of masses suffer the indignity of scrapping for foods from the gutter. Towards the end of that era, we all thought, if we can just get a man of integrity into Aso Rock, someone who will brook no atom of corruption, we will change the country. The election of 2015 seems to have lulled Nigerians into thinking that all we need is someone or a duo with integrity, so we elect Buhari and Osinbajo, a puritan and a pastor and went home satiated. What we were not prepared for or more appositely choose to ignore is the fact that the vehicle that brought them into governance is none other than the decrepit system that PDP used to feather their nest. In the first 4 years, we were told that the problem is with the National Assembly where the legistlooters shifted their control of the vortex of power in Abuja, opposing every anti-corruption moves of the executives. Then come the last election where the ruling party now controls the executive and legislative arm, but corruption runs through the gamut of the judiciary and Aso Rock looks the other way while nepotism festers in its rank.

It is as if the cancer has completely swallowed up the entire fabric of the nation. Cases involving the poor dragged on for years while those who can afford senior advocate can get quick justice. Many warned that this will sound the death knell of democracy in Nigeria. Every attempt to even build on free and fair election has been truncated by the judiciary. What with the recent confounding judgment from Imo and Bayelsa. Our two gargantuan political parties now owned our judiciary lock, stock and barrel. They sit in smoke filled rooms to determine who will be governors, legislators and judges, and those who will play ball are readily appointed as pawns in the chest board of the Nigerian ruling class, wives, nephews, cousins, sons and daughters are made judges and senior advocates overnight without recourse to any modicum of meritocracy. A friend of mine recently quipped that the problem of nepotism is not just that it defeats meritocracy and breeds mediocrity but that it infects the entire body politics and renders it comatose. Corruption can be traced, and ill-gotten wealth recovered but nepotism is more sinister. Those who obtain position of power and authority through nepotism hold fealty only to their masters who appointed them. Such appointee will readily twist the constitution, made up section that does not exist all at the behest of their “godfather”. It is insidious and evil.

I graduated from Nigerian Law School 30 years ago, after an excellent stint at Great Ife. My class at Ife, drawn from the north, east, west middle belt and south-south has in its rank some of the best legal minds any country will be proud of. We graduated with high hopes to take on the world and change the land. Few of us found ourselves abroad on scholarship where we flourish and excel. Those in legal practice in Nigeria, either at the federal or state ministry of justice or private practice are the ones my heart bleeds for, especially those without access to members of the National Judicial Council. I have had the privilege to advance my career abroad as an attorney and public defender. I frequently sit on panels that recommend colleagues for appointment as judges in a fair, open and transparent process; something my colleagues in Nigeria could only dream of.

When I look at the state of Nigerian legal practice my heart bleeds. The career growth of colleagues in the legal profession in Nigeria is stunted not for lack of excellence but influence in the right place. Influence peddling is an art form in Nigeria and politicians used to have the exclusive preserve of selling it to the highest bidder, but our Judicial Council seems to have mastered the art. The problem will not be this pronounced if the sons and daughters they are foisting on Nigerian judiciary are steeped in the Nigerian experience or have a modicum of merit. As many of my colleagues are apt to complain, majority of the recent appointees hardly spend few years in Nigeria. They all went to schools abroad. Totally devoid of the Nigerian experience, and constantly removed from the everyday life Nigerians suffers under. Majority of them lives in the gilded mansions of their forbears in Abuja and other state capitals, where they are rarely touched by the “better angels of our nature” to use the phrase coined by Abraham Lincoln. It is therefore no surprise that they care only for what their “godfather” demand.

Let me however warns that the biggest mistake we could make is to think that the rot is only in the heart of our judiciary. Think again. Nepotism is next door, next street, next town and everywhere in Nigeria. It rampages through the land, be it North, East or West. Just look at our churches and mosques, who do you see minister or lead the prayers when the founder/visioner is not around? You guess right, if you say their sons and daughters. Gone are the days when Pa Fadayomi push to have a meritorious doctor of aerodynamics succeed him. Gone are the days when the leader of the faithful in Nigeria is selected by their aptitude in the knowledge of the Quaran. Nowadays, the exit of the leader is the beginning of the reign of the progeny. It has infected our colleges and universities, scholarship and opportunities that used to be available on merit are now exclusive preserve of the vice chancelor’s children and family members. Woe betide the school senate members that dare ask questions. Advertisement for jobs that has already been reserved for the children of the privileged are means to extort money in the form of application fees a la Abba Moro immigration recruitment scheme. A recent recruitment without advertisement at our apex bank reported by Sahara Reporters shows that successful applicants names were picked out of the rolodex of the governor. Commercial Banks staff are not an exemption, they are either recruited based on sex appeal or influential ministers/senators’ “recommendation” which doesn’t come easy for the educated but less privileged applicants.

A friend concluded an animated discussion on social media on this issue with a distinctively Nigerian resignation: “It is clear that those who do not want things to work properly in Nigeria are more powerful than those who are working towards finding solutions to our problems.” Again, my response is what do we have to lose if we embrace Omoyele Sowore’s revolution, even with its youthful disdain for experience? Especially when our current experienced leadership seems to treat the Nigerian masses with contempt. Look at it this way: They do not need our votes to win election, as they could procure midnight judgment in Abuja a la Bayelsa and Imo. They do not need to legislate to fill any lacunae in our constitutional experience as the Supreme Court proved in Kalu’s case. In fact, as long as oil flows and they have the means to fill their Cayman Island bank accounts, we may as well not exist. Greed and avarice have become the directive principle of Nigerian ruling class. To rescue ourselves from their vice grip, we need revolution now!

Francis Adewale
Tioluwanimi@gmail.com

Opinion

AddThis

:

Original Author

:

Francis Adewale

Disable advertisements

:

Read More
http://saharareporters.com/2020/05/09/sorry-state-nigeria%E2%80%99s-judiciary-among-others-makes-battle-cry-revolution-inevitable

Views: 0

May 9, 2020
Labourer found drowned in Lipis river

KUANTAN: The body of a labourer suspected to have slipped and fallen into Sungai Jelai in Lipis was found by rescuers today.

Lipis district police chief Supt Azli Mohd Noor said the body of Asri Sallih, 47, was found at 8.45 am at a spot about eight kilometres from where he had fallen into the river.

“The incident is believed to have happened when he was at the jetty in Kampung Tanjung Jati at 12.30 pm on Thursday to drain water from his boat,” he said in a statement today.

His family reported to the police when they failed to locate him at the jetty two hours later.

Following that, a 39-man party from the Fire and Rescue Department, police and Civil Defence Force launched an operation to search for Asri, he added. –Bernama

Read More
https://www.thesundaily.my/home/labourer-found-drowned-in-lipis-river-GL2386585

Views: 0

May 9, 2020
THE FOURTH STORY—BABY ANIMALS AND MAN

As the days and months glided by, our little girls were greeted one autumn morning by the advent of a little baby brother. Wife had given consent, years gone by, for me to tell the foregoing stories of life; but, only a few months before the above event, she had requested the privilege of telling this last story, as the girls would naturally ask of her how the little fellow came. This she told them, in a way no doubt, better than I could have done.

In lecturing to multiplied thousands of boys and many hundreds of girls, I have told the stories of life much as I did to my little girls, with this story added.

Baby animals.—We will now study God’s plan of increase in the higher animals and man. We shall find many striking resemblances and interesting variations between the lower forms of life that we have studied and the higher forms that we shall now study. All along the ascending scale of life we have found male and female organs of sex, possessing male and female natures. We have found that the male organs of sex produce a fertilizing substance called pollen in plants and semen in animals; that the female organs of sex produce seeds in plants and eggs in animals. We have found that every new plant, fish, insect, and bird comes from the union of the pollen with the seed, or the semen with the eggs. This last fact is true of the higher animals and man. We found that the seed of the plants are fertilized in the ovaries of the mother organs; that eggs of fish are fertilized outside of the body of the mother; that the eggs of insects and birds are fertilized inside of the mother’s body. This last plan is also true of the higher animals and man. We found that the seed of plants were sown or planted in the soil; that the eggs of fish were deposited in water; that the eggs of insects and birds were laid in some specially arranged place for them, usually called nests. In the higher animals and man the young starts from a tiny fertilized egg and grows in an organ in the mother’s body, called the womb, until it is strong and old enough to be born.

The earliest stage of plant life in the little seed is called an embryo. When the seed has been planted and the little embryo appears above ground, it is then a little baby plant. The earliest stage of animal life in the egg of the fish, insect or bird, is an embryo. The mother part of the plant stores up food in the seed and the growing embryo feeds upon this food, until its little roots have grown down into the soil where they can take up food from the soil and the blades or leaves are large enough to receive light and heat from the sun and food from the atmosphere. The mother fish, insect and bird store up food in their eggs for the little embryos to live upon until they are hatched. Among the higher animals and man, the embryo begins with the tiny fertilized egg in the mother’s womb and receives nourishment and life from the mother’s blood through a duct, called the placenta, which is connected with the mother’s womb at one end while the other end connects with the body of the embryo at a point called the navel. In this way the mother furnishes the young with all the air, food, water and life that it gets until it is born. Among the higher animals and man the young when born are very tender and helpless. For several weeks or months they are fed on milk from their mother’s breasts. In higher forms of life the birth of young is attended by greater sacrifice and suffering than in lower forms of life. For months, and in the case of man, for years, the parents must labor and sacrifice to feed, protect and educate them. Birth in the human family is attended by greater suffering and the little baby is more helpless and tender, and for this reason requires more tender care than the young of any other animal. You have observed that in the lower forms of life where the parents do not have to suffer to bring their young into{ the world or labor to provide for them food or shelter that they do not love their young. As we ascend the scale of life in our study, we find that love exists between the parents and young just in proportion as the parents suffer and labor for their young.

One of the most impressive and effective ways of telling the story of life in man was told by a wise and queenly mother in the following true story. This mother introduces the story by telling how solicitous she became about her little boy when he was about seven or eight years old. He was in the public school where he was likely any day to hear the story of life from some wicked boy. She was anxious that her boy should hear this story first from his mother’s lips.

How a mother told the story of life to her boy.—In telling the story, the mother said:

One morning, the opportunity that I had been praying and watching for, came. I observed my little boy playing rather roughly, not cruelly, with the pet cat. Speaking kindly to him, I said, “Son, don’t be rough with the old cat; handle her gently.” “Why, mamma?” he replied. “Son, mamma cannot make the reason clear to you now, but you obey mamma and in about ten days, mamma will tell you a very beautiful story, and, then you will understand.” As those days glided by, with pride I observed the unusual attention and kindness he showed the old cat. One morning, about ten days later, he came running into my presence, perfectly delighted, wonderfully elated, and overflowing with joy, he invited me out the back way to see what he had found. I anticipated his discovery, but I wanted him to have all the pleasure. So, I offered him my hand while he proudly led the way. As we stepped from the back porch, turning he pointed his finger under the floor; I looked, and there was the old mother cat and by her side were four as beautiful little kittens, basking in the sunlight, as the human eye ever saw. He bragged about having found them; called my attention to their color and markings; and claimed two of them as his own.

We sat down on a rustic seat where we could still see them. We admired their plumpness, color, eyes and playfulness and chatted together about them. At length I said, “Son, do you remember about ten days ago when you were playing rather roughly and I asked you to handle the old cat tenderly?” Promptly he replied; “Yes, mamma, and you promised me that in about ten days you would tell me a beautiful story that would explain why I should handle the old cat kindly. Can you tell me that story this morning?” “Yes, son, mamma is ready to tell you the sweetest and purest story that a mother can tell her son. When mamma asked you to be kind to the old cat, those fourlittle kittens were then in her body. That was why the old cat was larger than she is now. The little kittens were then much smaller and very tender, and, had you been rough with the old cat, you might have injured them; and, then, they might have been born crippled, deformed or dead. When they were born three or four days ago their little eyes were so tender that the full light of the sun would have put out their sight, so they were born with their eyelids closed and glued together. The old cat knew how tender their eyes would be, so three or four days ago she went away back under the dark floor and gave them birth. As they have grown older and their eyes have become stronger, every few hours the old cat has brought them a few feet nearer the light. Meanwhile, their eyelids have gradually opened until they can now look up at the sun as well as you can. If they had been born out in the open, the full light of the sun would have made their tender little eyes very sore or put them out.”

By this time I saw that my boy was very anxious to ask me a question. I was just as eager for him to ask it. I believed that he was going to ask the very question that my mother heart longed for him to ask; the very question that I believed God wanted my little boy to ask. I paused and looked into his little upturned face. As his deep, true blue eyes met mine, spontaneously, naturally, seriously he enquired, “Mamma, was I once in your body, too?” “Yes, son, you were formed in mamma’s body, in a little nest or home underneath mamma’s heart. You started as a little cell. For two hundred and eighty long days, nine full months, nearly a whole year, you were growing in mamma’s body. Mamma knew that you were there and loved and prayed for you long before you were born. Mamma had to be careful not to meet with an accident lest you might be born crippled, deformed or dead. Mamma had to be cautious about the food she ate, the air she breathed, the water she drank, the exercise she took, all she thought and did; because you were united to mamma by a little cord filled with blood vessels, through which mamma was supplying you from her blood with all the materials necessary for your forming body, mind and soul. In this way you were being influenced by mamma. Mamma was anxious that you might have a healthy and perfect body and grow up to be a smart, good and great man. If mamma had been angry, untruthful or dishonest during these months that you were a part of her, you might have been born with an ugly disposition, tendency to steal or be untruthful. Mamma was very careful about all she thought, said and did during the months you were a part of her body.

“Mamma knew about the day that you would leave your little home and come into this world. For hours mamma suffered great pain. The faithful doctor was present and did all he could to lessen mamma’s suffering. Papa stood at my side, held my hands in his, often stooped over and kissed my lips, cheeks and brow. As soon as you were born, the air rushed into your lungs and you cried, just as all little babies do when they are born alive. Mamma heard your baby cry and it thrilled her with joy known only to a mother, when she knows that her little baby is alive. But, son, when you were born and for many weeks and months, you were tiny, tender and helpless. No one in this world, and, God could not have found an angel in all of heaven who could have cared for you as well as mamma could. Mamma fed you at her breast, held you in her lap, fondled you in her arms and sung lullabies to you. When you were only a few weeks old you would have the colic. All night long your little body would be racked with pain and mamma would walk the floor with you, rub your little body and sing to you.” By this time my little boy was standing up close by my side, had both arms thrown around my neck, his little lips were kissing my cheek, and tears were rolling down his on to mine. Then he said, “Mamma, I am glad you have told me that story. I love you better now. I did not know that you loved and prayed for me before you ever saw me; that you were so careful that I might be well born; that you had to suffer so much when I was born; and that you cared for me so good when I was so small and when I was sick. This story will help me love you better and I will try never to disobey or tell you a falsehood.”

Do you not see how much better it was for this boy to hear the story of his life from the pure lips of his loving mother, than to hear it first from the lips of some ignorant and wicked boy or man? Well this is the story of your life. You cannot understand now how much your mamma suffered in bringing you into this world. Then, both your father and mother have made many sacrifices for you and are deeply interested in your future. If you should make a shipwreck of life, I am sure that their old days would be spent in grief. How can you repay your parents for all their sacrifices? If you will keep your thoughts, words and actions pure, every time your parents see or think of you, they will be thrilled with joy and appreciation. Will you not now promise yourself and promise God that by His forgiveness of the past, grace and help now and in the future, that you will keep yourself pure? When you have done this will you not go and kiss mamma, and tell her that you love her better than ever before and that you are determined to live up to her prayers and wishes?

Extract from EBook of Self Knowledge and Guide to Sex Instruction, by T. W. Shannon

Views: 0

April 19, 2020
THE GIRL’S RELATION TO THE HOME

The girl in the home is a member of the partnership plan of the family. She should have the same financial, social and moral rights of her brother. Her moral training should be no better than his. If she is properly trained in the home, her services are as valuable as her brother’s and she should have the same financial rights.

The girl and her father.—The father, if worthy of being such, should have the confidence, respect and love of his daughter. She should feel free to approach him with her wishes and her problems. His advice and council will be of great value to her in her social relation with young men. Many girls fail to show themselves interested in their father. Girls should be attentive, kind and loving in their relations to their father.

The girl and her mother.—A mother should not forget the experience of her girlhood. Though busy and burdened with many cares, she should take time to talk, often and intimately, with her daughter, of her own girlhood, her own temptations, her own experiences in the various vicissitudes of life. By wisely cultivating the relation of a sympathetic companionship, the mother can often bridge her daughter over that period of adolescence, when many girls come to regard their mothers as “old fogies.” This is a stage of growth in a girl’s life. It usually occurs when they are in the high school. They openly and unkindly criticise their mother’s dress, speech, advice, council and religion. This is a period of development that girls pass through. The right relation between the girl and her mother would save the mother from many tears and heartaches and the girl from many regretful memories of misconception and blindness.

Fortunate, is the girl, who has never had an attack of “high school snobbery,” who has never spoken lightly of the imaginary deficiencies of mother; but, who has always found it a joy to divide gifts with mother, to hand her the prettiest rose and to read her a choice story.

The girl and her brother.—Girls do not always appreciate the influence they are exerting over their brothers. A boy’s estimate of woman is often received from his sister’s influence. A sister has it largely in her power to make her brother gentle, true and pure. She can make home attractive and pleasant for him and thus save her brother from seeking pleasures in questionable places and ways. Brothers and

Chums in the Home

sisters should grow up together, be educated together, play together and, as far as possible, help each other. Their joys and sorrows, aims and purposes should be mutual. Her lack of physical strength, her natural tastes and aspirations, her duties and mission in life, being in many respects different from her brother, require a line of preparation unlike her brother receives.

Her first and most valuable training.—Marriage is not the only goal toward which a young woman may turn, but it is the most natural, important and worthy. Most all girls look forward to marriage as a possible and desirable goal. Perhaps no woman would refuse marriage, if the right man should propose. It is for this reason that every girl should prepare herself thoroughly to be a housekeeper, a wife and a mother. This should be her first and most thorough training. She should not rest satisfied until she has learned every phase of how to keep house, to care for the wants of small children and to manage hired help. This training should begin in childhood. A girl should be able to dress herself and to keep her own room by the time she is ten years old. Whatever may be her career in life, she will always be the better off because she is a good housekeeper. She may not have to be a housekeeper, for she may have servants, still she is all the better off, as she will understand how to manage the servants.

The independent girl.—In addition to having prepared herself for a housekeeper, a wife and a mother, she should now prepare herself for some vocation in life. The right man may not present himself, she may be called upon to support an aged mother or father, or an invalid husband, and she will need to know how to earn a living. A girl, unprepared to support herself, waiting year after year for some man to come and marry her, is an object of profound pity. If the right man comes along and marries her, all is well. But she often marries the wrong fellow, or waits for many weary years and yet, he never comes. A generation ago few opportunities of earning a support were open to a girl. Conditions have changed, woman’s ideals have grown and the world offers her other vocations than housekeeping, wifehood and motherhood, and unless these come in very attractive form she can choose the vocation of art, music, teaching, stenography, book-keeping or some other calling. By the time she is eighteen, a girl should be able to keep a house or earn a living in some business way. This will give her an assurance of independence. Regardless of the wealth of her parents, she should have these two qualifications. If her parents are poor and she is ambitious, she can now work her way through college, if she desires.

If the morals of a girl have been properly safeguarded by her mother’s training and teaching, the independent girl is little more likely to fall than the girl who remains at home and waits for a husband.

The independent girl who goes out into the world with her brother, shoulders the same burdens, wrestles with the same problems, fights the same battles and overcomes the same difficulties, will meet a better class of men than those who would likely seek her out in her home. She is more likely to be happily married, than if she remained at home. She is now better fitted to be a housekeeper, wife and mother, than if she had remained at home. She has learned how to produce a dollar, she now knows the value of it and how, wisely, to spend it.

Mother’s Responsibility.

Extract from EBook of Self Knowledge and Guide to Sex Instruction, by T. W. Shannon

Views: 0

April 11, 2020
THE ESSENTIALS OF A HOME

The basic incentive for marriage.—A completed home embraces a father, mother and one or more children, bound together by natural love for each other. The initial step in home building is taken when a man and woman decide to assume the duties, responsibilities and functions of marriage. Courtship and marriage may be prompted by a number of motives. There is but one natural and worthy motive—LOVE. This motive may be a little out of date in some circles, but it remains essential to a normal home, a happy productive home. This expression of love is awakened to conscious activity through acquaintance and friendship, becomes a joyful reality in courtship, is consummated in marriage and is perpetuated through life, because{16} of a chaste, pure, unselfish sex preference of one man for one woman and that one woman for that one man. If for any reason, this sex preference is ever broken, the bonds of love between husband and wife will be weakened, if not severed for all time. This bond of union may be broken in a number of ways. There may be other causes of domestic inharmony, all of which can be adjusted so long as sex preference, or love, binds the two as one. Under the guidance of unselfish sex selection, few mistakes would ever be made, in the choice of a companion.

The tests of true love.—A man and woman bound by pure love for each other, may live in a shack or a humble rented cottage, they may have to toil late and hard to support a family of growing children, but they and the children will be happy and usually healthy and strong, bound together by mutual love. They will remain true to each other through adversity, sickness and death.

Mismated.—If husband and wife are not bound to each other by a natural sex preference, or love, though they may hold in their possession broad acres of land, railroad bonds and heavy deposits in the bank, live in a mansion and move in the élite circles of society, they will not love each other, their children, or be able to build a REAL home.

Other incentives for marriage.—It is quite customary,{17}

A Good Argument for Pure Living

in some grades of society, to choose a life companion for social or financial advantage. Such unions are not natural. They are cold business transactions. A man prompted by these motives sees in a woman the qualities of a good housekeeper, a social queen, or a financial gain. A woman prompted by unnatural motives sees in a man opportunities for social prestige, a life of luxury and ease. They drift apart instead of their personalities blending, through love, as one. Soon he spends his days in his daily vocation and his evenings in the lodges. She finds her only pleasure in following the latest fashions and devoting her time to various social functions. Each have their secrets and manage to avoid public disgrace.

Should a child be born into such an unnatural home, it would receive an unfortunate heredity and a still more unfortunate environment. The initial of its life was accidental, its prenatal rights were not regarded, its advent was not welcomed, it is now turned over to a hired nurse. Such a child is more unfortunate than an orphan. In no true sense has it a father or mother. This child, when visitors are about, or when the family is making a public display, may be petted, pampered and spoiled by its parents and on all occasions lavishly supplied with dress and toys; thus egotism will be stimulated and propensities gratified and this child will be placed at a decided disadvantage in life. Compared{19} with this child, the little ragged street urchin is to be congratulated.

When the natural, God-designed and God-honored, sex instinct is perverted and base desire supplants love, in the choice of a companion, the home instinct is degraded, love dethroned and inharmony prevails.

The Romance, of Courtship and the Honeymoon, is Transitory. There is a certain amount of the glamour, mystery, novelty, romance and poetry connected with courtship and the honeymoon, while perhaps natural at the time, but in the very nature of the case cannot be permanent. The plain, practical, everyday experiences of life must become prominent in every successful home. The fairyland, of flowery visions, rippling streams of sentiment, poetic fancies of bliss and the lunar and stellar raptures of love, must yield, after a period of such experiences, to mundane realities where these beautiful dreams terminate and air castles are destroyed and life once more becomes real.

When the termination of this romantic period comes to the young wife, whose vision of marriage was received from sensational novels, fashion journals, the theater and gay social gatherings, and to the young husband, kid-gloved, well-starched and much-cravatted, it will be unexpected and very disastrous to their imaginary love. Cruel and prudish are they, who are responsible for creating artificial social{20} visions in the minds of the youth. But when the termination of romance comes to the young husband and wife, whose courtship and marriage have been true to nature, this will be supplanted by the dawning consciousness of life’s real mission in marriage and they will discover that the truest, sweetest and most enduring pleasures and joys of life have only begun.

The first born.—Fortunate and happy is that young couple, who, before the romance of marriage is over, becomes aware that preparations must be made for the first little stranger into their home. If the faint prophecies, of the approaching advent of their first-born, thrill their lives with hopeful and joyful anticipations, marriage will now have a deeper significance, the bonds of love and dependence become stronger and the pleasures of life more real. The supremest moment of marriage comes when the young husband, who for the first time, in the birth chamber, stands by his wife’s side, holding her hands in his; stoops and kisses her lips, cheeks and brow, as she bravely and beautifully endures the throes of parturition. Such an experience is enough to transform a brute into a man. When the first-born is placed to the young mother’s breast, a deep, profound, but quiet happiness knows no bounds in two hearts that beat as one. This is the primary purpose of marriage. A cooing baby is nature’s own sequel to the honeymoon.{21}

God’s Richest Blessing to a Home.

Health, happiness and life worth living is made possible through parenthood.

If a child was intelligently planned for and warmly welcomed into every home, the first year of married life, then one by one at reasonable intervals until the family consists of four to eight healthy, happy, well-cared-for children, most of the problems of marriage would be solved.

The childless homes.—All efforts to evade the fiat of nature and God, “multiply and replenish the earth,” not justified by the authors of this law, will lead to health blighted, happiness destroyed, a home wrecked and two souls will be arrested in their endless progress. In homes, voluntarily childless, and in homes where one or two little intruders were accidentally and unwillingly admitted, can be found the most serious and perplexing social problems.

Childless homes made happy.—The involuntarily childless homes, and the homes voluntarily childless, because of justifiable reasons, need not be unhappy. Their paternal and maternal natures may be developed by adopting homeless children. In this land there are many such happy homes. If the mother love, in childless homes, annually wasted on poodle dogs, was expended on homeless children, there would soon be no childless homes, orphan homes and homeless children, and more happiness in the world.{22}

How shall family troubles be solved?—While natural sex preference and the birth of children solve almost all the domestic problems and make possible the solution of all family troubles, they do not render the husband and wife immune to all differences, disagreements, incompatibilities and perplexities. It is not possible for the husband to see everything from his wife’s view point, or the wife to see everything from the husband’s point of view. If they differ in taste, retain their personalities, have lofty ambitions, possess sensitive natures and have their individual ideals, they will often differ in their opinions, and, occasionally very good people will find themselves in disastrous disputes. Commendable ideals and virtues, as well as faults, may become the sources of domestic trouble. What should they do—separate? No. Secure a divorce? Certainly not. Let these steps be the last possible resort. Where a family of children are to be scattered and injured by the disgrace, perhaps a divorce should not be sought, on any grounds. The bleeding hearts and blasted hopes caused by one divorce is greater than that caused by a score of deaths. Divorce degrades morals, withers ideals and causes untold human suffering. What is the remedy? Agree to let past differences, disagreements and quarrels remain in the past. Don’t bring the dead yesterdays over into the living to-days. Each{23} morning, give each other a clean slate. Resolve each morning to please, rather than to displease your partner. By doing this, irreconcilable differences will gradually disappear. This does not mean that they should lose their individualities, or compromise with their convictions. This is not a radical or expensive remedy, but one that works in nearly every case.

Extract from EBook of Self Knowledge and Guide to Sex Instruction, by T. W. Shannon

Views: 0

April 11, 2020