Tag: Loves

  • Living with pets during MCO

    Living with pets during MCO

    Living with pets during MCO 1

    KUALA LUMPUR: Working from home (WFH) is not as easy as many people think, especially when you have young children and pets.

    Yes, even pets. To others, it might seem easy having pets in the house. After all, don’t you just let them be and you do not have to give much attention to them?

    In reality however, looking after pets is just as much a responsibility as looking after young children. A look at the postings on Facebook and Twitter will show that many see the responsibility as similar, for to them, pets are as much a member of the family as children.

    Going into 24 days of the Movement Control Order (MCO) period, which means 24 days of WFH, the stories on the social media abound of the struggles that pet owners, especially those with cats, face juggling the responsibilities of work and looking after their pets.

    Interior decorate Intan Suhaiza Razak, 35, found that there were many secrets her cats kept from her which she only found out after she started to work from home from March 18.

    “It is only now that I am really getting to know my three cats. I did not spend much time with them before but now that I am with them all day, I am slowly learning their behaviour.

    “For instance, I was shocked to find out that they could turn the tap in the kitchen sink and would play with the water,” she told Bernama.

    Auditor Amirul Iqbal Razali, 30, has found that working from home can be quite challenging when you have cats.

    “I have three, and the minute I turn on the computer, they come around demanding my attention.

    “That would be the time they want to sit on my lap and play, and ask for food, even though I had prepared everything for them. And my work-station has become their bed,” he said.

    Media practitioner Muhamad Saufee Rosman thinks his cat Ethan loves the fact that he and his housemates now have to work from home during the MCO period.

    “He is extra demanding now, maybe because he enjoys the fact that we are home now, whereas previously, he was always left alone in the house. Now, he keeps snuggling up to us all the time,” he said.

    Muhamad Saufee and his housemates do not find Ethan’s demand for attention troublesome, and in fact, he is a stress-buster to them.

    “Life is less boring with him around. Sometimes, he does get in the way, but it would be lonely without him,” he said.

    To these animal-lovers, the Health Ministry’s announcement that pets do not carry the COVID-19 virus was good news.

    “In the beginning, it was a bit worrying, so it was a relief when the ministry said that pet-owners did not have to worry and do not have to take their pets for Covid-19 screenings.

    Nurana Mukhriz, 29, who works in information technology said she cannot imagine being separated from her two cats which she had bred since five years ago.

    “I live alone, so my cats ‘Adik’ and ‘Che Yam’ are my companions. Talking to them reduces my stress level and I don’t feel so lonely during the MCO period,” she said. – Bernama

    Living with pets during MCO
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    https://www.thesundaily.my/local/living-with-pets-during-mco-EF2241413

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  • Three Reasons Why Money Was The Worst Invention Of All Time

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    Who invented money? Ask any number of people and they couldn’t tell you who it was that actually invented money or where the idea came from. History has given us some bad ideas, but money has to be the worst and here are my top three reasons why.

    1. Something Invented By Man Should Not Have Power Over Him.

      If I think really hard and try to imagine a time without money, before it was invented and used on a daily basis, I tend to imagine that the world was a completely different place. People most likely had a barter type society where goods and services were exchanged and that is how one survived. If I had a particular skill, say hunting, and you were hungry you could come to me for food. The idea would be that if you could make fire, and I could provide the food, then we could exchange our skills or abilities and everyone got what was good for them. I assume, for the sake of argument, that if someone possessed absolutely no skills whatsoever, that person was still allowed to eat. I can’t imagine that I would loan the helpless soul some meat, only if it could be paid back somehow. Before helpless soul could blink, he might owe me for five dinners and then I have to send out the collection agents to call in his debts. Money provides control, in both a positive and negative control. Although it is man made, and essentially just a piece of paper or a mixture of cheap metals, money has power, and is power. I can just imagine Mr. Helpless Soul explaining to his wife that he can’t repay the hunter and doesn’t know what to do. So Mr. Hunter decides to enslave the Helpless Soul family until the debt is repaid. It is unfathomable to me that so many people in my country, and the world go hungry every day. Those who possess the money have the power to deny the needs of those that don’t have means. Where have the humanitarians gone? I’ve seen a business owner kick out a person who was homeless and starving, and then half an hour later deal with a complaining customer as he shouted that his food was not hot enough. Money only has the power that we give it. If we choose to see it as just a means to an end, or just some silly paper we have been told to obey our whole lives, then one can focus on what really matters. I am not advocating not paying debts, or shucking responsibilities. This is the world we live in, and norms must be followed…until the laws change again to suit what the politicians want on any particular whim of a day.

    2. Money Shifts Focus From Helping One Another To Arbitrary “Worth” Of Mere Things.

      Why should I do anything to help anyone else, unless they can pay for it? If my entire focus in life is to obtain material things, then I should only be motivated by money, or obtaining it, to do anything. What is anything really worth? Marketing companies have defined worth for me since I was a child, and it was beaten into me during commercial breaks of GI Joe. What is the value of all of the things you want in comparison to something that really matters? Imagine what the worth is of spending one more hour with a loved one before they pass away and are gone forever. The worth of teaching your children that there is more to life than money and obtaining things. The worth of feeding a homeless man, and helping him have at least one night’s sleep where his stomach doesn’t keep him awake. The value of reaching out a hand and helping someone else in this world is worth more than the largest diamond, the heaviest gold, and the purest oil. Now, I am the biggest hypocrite on this topic, because I love things! It has been programmed in me for so long, it is hard to shake the desire to obtain things. Imagine a life in which people helped each other because it is the right thing to do, and not just for what they could get in return. The argument is, well, that things can’t just be free. You have to pay something to get something. How would the world work if everyone was just giving away everything for free and everyone just had everything they needed and didn’t have to be slave to credit card companies anymore or to a job that they dislike? How would we survive? My answer to those questions is, famously! I would be free to learn a trade that benefits others and could use that ability to provide for my family and to help others. I have wanted to help by donating or giving my entire life, but never had the means. I’ve donated a little time here and there, and not near as much as I should or would have liked to, but at least it was something. But because I like things, and those things have cost me money, I have to continue in my job, and repeat the same cycle my father did.

    3. Money Makes You Question If People Really Care About You, Or Just Your Money.

      I try to envision the end of my life surrounded by those that have made my journey with me, who love and care for me because of the enrichment I gave to them through my friendship and dedication. In my latter years, enjoying my days with my wife, and talking to my grown children and my grand children. I want to soak up every single minute of my life between here and there. I want to feel and love and enjoy all that there is to offer. I have seen families destroyed, fighting over the money left behind after a loved one passes. Some of those grudges are held for the rest of their lives. They lose a relationship and also a loved one, and the only thing they can think about, is how much money they will be getting. More than likely, Mr. Entitlement as we will call him, won’t even miss the loved one that was lost. How many brilliant individuals never get the chance to succeed because of lack of means, and how many elite are given free passes because their pile of paper is bigger than yours. Do the people closest to you care about you or your money? Does the girlfriend only love you because of what you can buy her? Do your children only listen to you in order to get something they want? Take the money away, and would they abandon you? Such a great idea, this money.

    My answer to all of this is that I don’t have an answer. My two year old daughter asked me about money and loves putting money in her piggy bank. It made me start to consider all the reasons I worry about money, and fight about money, and read books about money. Nothing like the honesty of a child, to make you sit and think.

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    Source by Mitchell Pierce

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  • He Hasn’t Said I Love You Yet? What This Really Means for Your Relationship

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    There’s a very special moment in every romantic relationship that a woman holds her breath for. It’s when your man tells you he loves you. Ideally, he’ll say it first and it will happen in a wonderful, memorable place. You’ll remember everything about the second those fateful words left his lips. The shirt he was wearing, how his hair was styled and what his cologne smelled like will all become important nuances of the moment when you both knew that you were going to be life partners. It all sounds so dreamy and ideal, doesn’t it? From experience, most of us know that it typically doesn’t go that way. He’ll usually blurt out the words at the most inopportune time like when we’re stopped at a red light or during a football game. Regardless of the circumstances of the delivery, the words are still meaningful and relationship changing. Sadly, not all men reach a point where they feel comfortable sharing those words. If it’s now been months or even years and he hasn’t said I love you yet, what exactly does that mean for you and your future with him?

    Never Forget How Different You and Your Man Are

    I’ve often heard women say that they wish men were more like them. In some ways, that would be wonderful, but essentially we love men because they are men. Your man doesn’t process his feelings the same way you do. If he falls in love with you at first sight, chances are very good that he’s not going to share that news with you until months into the relationship. The same is true of the man who falls in love with his woman at a slow pace. He’s not going to give you updates about what he’s feeling. Men just aren’t wired that way.

    Sharing deep and meaningful feelings to a man makes him feel emotionally vulnerable. It’s very much like he’s taking the armor off his heart and he’s putting himself in the line of fire. If you don’t react favorably to his declaration of adoration or if you say something hurtful, it will pain him in a way that nothing else could. A man needs to feel very secure in his relationship before he’ll be ready to blurt out that he loves you.

    Pay Close Attention to His Actions Rather Than His Words

    So much can be gained from really paying close attention to how your man acts when he’s around you. There are certain behavior patterns that sync with a man who is truly and madly in love. You may believe that he’s not in love unless he says the words, but don’t discount how he treats you. For a man who is struggling with opening himself up to the point where he does indeed feel very vulnerable, his actions can give you great insight into what is in his heart.

    A telling example is the man who rushes through his day so that he can spend as much time as possible with the woman he adores. Nothing matters quite as much to him as seeing her smiling face at the end of his workday. The same is true of the man who sends a few text messages or emails during the day. His mind is clearly on the woman he cares for. Any small gestures like this should be viewed for what they are and that’s a strong sign that his heart is focused on the woman in his life.

    See His Commitment to You as a Sign of What’s in His Heart

    If a man has stopped dating other women and his focus is always just on you, he’s smitten. Men are notorious for wanting to play the field. Once a man stops looking, thinking about and seeing other women you should take note of that. He may not have said that he loves you outright but the fact that he’s lost interest in other attractive women speaks volumes about how he views you.

    This is especially clear if he’s suggested that you don’t see other guys or that you two just date exclusively. If he does mention this, it obviously means that he wants you to himself and that generally has a lot more to do with a man’s heart than his ego.

    A man in love wants to draw a tight circle around the woman who is the center of his world. He doesn’t want the threat of any other men on the horizon and he doesn’t have eyes for any other women either. His focus is clear and he’ll ask you to focus on him too.

    Be Wary of a Man Who Doesn’t Seem Connected Emotionally to You

    As much as you want to hope that he does love you, even if he has yet to say it, you do need to be mindful of the fact that his reluctance to express it is based on the fact that he just doesn’t feel it. If you’ve told your boyfriend that you love him and you’re met with dead silence, or he changes the subject very quickly, it’s easy to jump to the assumption that he isn’t in love and just is very uncomfortable talking about the subject at all.

    Some men will work hard at avoiding any discussion about feelings. They’ll say things like, “I’m not ready for a serious relationship yet, ” or “love is overrated.” If your guy has expressed similar sentiments to you, you have every right to be discouraged by that. He’s telling you, in a very roundabout and non-compassionate way that he’s just not feeling the same things you are.

    It’s up to you to determine whether or not you want to continue to invest yourself in a relationship like this. Granted, over time his position may change and he may decide that he does indeed love you. Perhaps a bit of time apart, as in a short-term relationship “break” might help him see the light. There’s a chance it won’t though.

    Just remember that all men are different and even though some are quick to say those three meaningful words, other men just can’t fathom saying, “I love you,” to any woman unless they’re on the verge of proposing to her. It’s up to you to decipher your man’s actions and read between the limes to truly see what’s in his heart.

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    Source by Gillian Reynolds

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  • Use Caution With Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) in Living Wills

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    All people including lawyers need to use caution with Living Wills and the Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) clause. Our relative who was an Emergency Medical Technician (EMT) for 17 years said he would not sign a DNR because he thought if he did that it would allow physicians to cause his death. We respected his decision but could not believe that physicians who mainly preserve life would be anxious to end life. However, it turns out he was correct, a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) document does give a nursing home or a physician a green light to determine when or if a person can get medical care to preserve life.

    When you are signing paper work to place your loved one in a nursing home they will tell you how humane a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) clause is, not requiring Cardiopulmonary Resuscitation (CPR) and/or a defibrillator which can break your loves one’s ribs. However, they do not inform you how bad it is for your loved one if they lose their mental or physical faculties unable to communicate their wishes for medical care and uncaring people determine the DNR means that they do not want medical care to extend their lives. Although my wife had a power of attorney requesting medical care for her Father, the Nursing Home staff just ignored us and our attempt to preserve the life of our family member.

    It turns out they had our relative sign a DNR while in a mental fog of an infection. The physician made a misdiagnosis claiming this patient’s daughter (my wife) was mentally ill for trying to honor her Father’s last wishes. She could not adequately communicate with her Father so she had reservations about sanctioning an amputation of his leg without his consent which I thought was prudent. This physician had never even met or talked to my wife and had no psychiatric credentials we are aware of. But when a physician makes a notation in a medical file it has powerful weight with a Court even if the information is false. So the nursing home staff took the physicians view declaring my wife crazy for trying to preserve the life of her Father thus over ruling her rights as a power of attorney and were going to legally expunge the life of her Father who wanted to live.

    Thus, a DNR in some circumstances can be more powerful than a power of attorney. I do not believe we are the only victims of this abuse of a DNR clause that some misguided people use to prematurely extinguish the value of human life. The common practice with the fervent sales pitch to get family members to sign a DNR out of humanity may be valid to a certain extent, but it can also be abused by people who believe they have the right to determine when a person dies.

    Including a clause or adding a hand written notation that the DNR does not give any party the right to deny medical care to your loved one is advisable. A DNR has the ability to convert a physician or nursing home staff into a psychopath and you should have reservations about signing such a document.

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    Source by Dale Adams

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  • Sell Junkyard Auto Parts and Make Money From Home

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    A lot of people make some serious money from home selling junkyard auto parts. My husband’s been doing this for a while now and just loves it! I’m still amazed at how untapped this market is. Maybe because when you sell junkyard auto parts you’re not sitting at a computer all the time?

    But working from home doesn’t always mean making money online or just from your computer, especially if you’re doing any type of arbitrage deals.

    And there are thousands of people looking for cheap auto parts online. Why not get in the game and be one of their salvage auto parts suppliers?

    This is business that you really don’t have be a mechanic or detail specialist to make some real money, especially if you’re just dealing with interior or exterior restoration parts or basic engine parts.

    For example, a head rest is a head rest. Unscrew some parts and pull it out. Door panels are door panels. Unbolt them from the hinges and take it off. Engine components may be a bit trickier but you can always go on YouTube and find out what the parts are, what they do and even how to remove them.

    But even in this type of a business, you may want to specialize in a niche. What do I mean by a niche when it comes to used auto body parts? Pretty easy. Here are some ways to drill down a niche just by specializing…

    1. … in a particular make and model of vehicle
    2. … in sports cars
    3. … in truck parts
    4. … in engine parts
    5. … in exterior body parts
    6. … in interior restoration parts

    Just think about all of the parts that go into building a vehicle, whether it’s a truck or car. Some parts are even interchangeable between makes and models. For example, I needed a new front fender for my 2001 Mercury Villager. Did you know that the 2001 Nissan Quest has an identical body to the same year Mercury Villager?

    They do! So my husband took the parts off of a junked Quest and replaced the fender and front light assembly on my Villager.

    The cup holder assembly in my Villager cracked too. But instead of replacing that unit, he found a narrow console with built-in cup holders from a Dodge SUV that fit perfectly between the front bucket seats of our Villager. Same color and texture as the interior of our car; that console looks like it came with our van!

    So now we have three “new” cup holders in the front, and two additional cup holders for the rear seat, from one $10 used Dodge console.

    You will have to do some research on eBay before going out and spending money. You can’t just go out and buy any junkyard auto parts and expect them to sell. There are some steps involved to making this a profitable at-home business.

    1. First, get a price list from your local salvage yard. Look for the least expensive parts on the list.
    2. Look up the parts on eBay and filter by Sold listings. Take an average of what those parts are selling for and see what your profit margin is. For example, if it’s going to cost you $10 to buy the part and it’s selling on average of $85 or more, and there are a lot of them being sold, you’ve got a winner.
    3. Take into consideration how much time and effort you want to put into pulling the parts off the vehicles. Some parts are pretty easy and you’ll only need a couple of screw drivers on hand. Other parts can be rather tricky, depending on whether you’re dealing with interior, exterior or under-the-hood parts.
    4. Another thing to think about is the weather! Here on the east coast it gets really blustery during the winter. And in the spring, it can get pretty muddy out in the yard. So you need to make sure you’re dressing for the weather – be prepared for anything.

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    Source by Karen S Musselman

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  • Homosexual Dating – Truth and Connection

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    Homosexual dating has become much more widespread and accepted in Western culture, allowing both gays and lesbians the chance to reach out to one another beyond that of closed doors. Now there are many ways you can have a rewarding homosexual dating experience, so don’t be afraid to get out there and explore all of the potential relationships you can create at a wonderful same-sex communities.

    Homosexuality is a form of love that needs not to be judged or explained, because it is just another example of how when you love someone it doesn’t matter what colour their skin is, how old they are, or even what sex they are. True love knows no boundaries, has no discriminations and only wishes to be shared with another who returns the same emotions.

    Unfortunately, not everyone agrees with this idea of love, and due to this fact, many homosexuals, regardless if they are male or female, are made to feel alienated, which can often lead to feelings of depression or loneliness. There is no reason why you should let these feelings overcome you, or let other opinions of those you care about, such as family members or friends, negatively influence your life when it comes to finding love, relationships, and homosexual dating.

    Homosexual dating is about finding someone who feels the same way you do, enjoys spending time with you, treats you with respect and makes you feel like an equal. It is about being apart of a relationship with mutual understanding, which has the potential to forge a strong connection between both you and your partner.

    Like any dating experience, there will be certain setbacks and struggles that you may face during homosexual dating. This is only natural, simply because in order for you to connect with someone, it is important that you feel comfortable with them.

    As a gay or lesbian, you should not feel that you need to grab any opportunity that comes your way. There is no harm in starting as friends and working slowly into the relationship to discover how much you have in common. As long as you are honest with your feelings, you should have no problem finding a partner.

    Homosexual dating is how you can establish an amazing connection with someone who understands you, and loves you for who you are with no questions asked. Even though you will meet some people who are destined to give you a hard time with your sexual preference, all you can do is trust your own judgments, be true to yourself, and give your love and time to those who deserve it.

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    Source by Frank Duru

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  • Mind, Body, Spirit Healing–Putting It into Practice

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    Modern Medicine promotes the belief that health and wellness is a crap shoot, genetically driven and at best, pure luck. If the roll of the dice isn’t in your favor or your genetic make-up has been doomed six generations back, or luck runs out, Modern Medicine has a magic pill, chemical bomb or simply cutting out whatever organ is afflicted as a solution.

    Norman Vincent Peale declared, “Change your thoughts, and you change your world.” Caroline Myss, medical intuitive extraordinaire states, “Every choice we make, every thought and feeling we have, is an act of power that has biological, environmental, social, personal and global consequences.” Wayne Dyer states, “We are responsible for everything in our lives, including whether the chemistry in our body works or doesn’t work.” If you believe health and wellness is a crap shoot, genetically driven or pure luck you have set the stage for body malfunction. If you believe as Norman Vincent Peale, Caroline Myss, PhD and Wayne Dyer, PhD, Deepak Chopra, MD believe your choices, thoughts and feelings are an act of power, and that you are responsible, then you are in control of your health.

    To be effective Mind, Body, Spirit healing needs to be practiced on a daily basis–not after your body is being ravaged by a malfunction. Mind, Body, Spirit healing is a process that maintains and supports health and wellness, thereby prevents body malfunction. People who practice Mind, Body Spirit healing avoid having cancer, MS, heart attacks, strokes, and the 101 other afflictions from A to Z, which Modern Medicine has conditioned us to be plagued by from birth to death–for many a premature death.

    The nine most frequent surgeries in America are Tonsillectomies, myringotomies, Cataract removal, Low-back surgery, Gall Bladder removal, Hysterectomies, C-Section, Sleep Apnea, Jaw pain.

    As Dr. Myss stated–“…every thought and feeling we have, is an act of power that has biological,…consequences.” In order to change any biological consequence you need to change your thoughts, which changes your feelings. Your new thoughts/beliefs must be shifted to empower you to control your health.

    To eliminate/avoid the most common reasons for surgery, it is important to know the thoughts/beliefs, which creates body malfunctions and healthy thoughts/beliefs to prevent or heal it.

    Tonsillitis, Quinsy, Sore Throat – cause: Fear, Repressed emotions, Stifled Creativity, A strong belief that you cannot speak up for yourself and ask for your needs, Feeling unable to express yourself. Holding in angry words.

    Remedy: “I release all restrictions and I am free to be me. It is my birth right to have my needs met. I now ask for what I want with love and with ease. My good now flows freely. Divine ideas express through me. I am at peace.”

    Ear Infection – cause: Anger. Not wanting to hear. Too much turmoil. Parents arguing.

    Remedy: Myringotomies are performed for recurrent ear infection, usually in children under five. Since your child is incapable of changing the thoughts/feelings you need to take the responsibility to change the child’s experience and foster the expression of feelings. Listen to and acknowledge your child’s feelings. Avoid talking at your child, talk with your child. There many excellent books on effective parenting. If there is turmoil, fighting and arguing between the parents–seek counseling to resolve your adult issues. I urge adults who have frequent colds/sore throats to use the following thought patterns. “I hear with love. Harmony surrounds me. I listen with love to the pleasant and the good. I am a center of love.”

    Cataracts – cause: Inability to see ahead with joy. Belief in a dark future.

    Remedy: “Life is eternal and filled with joy. I look forward to every moment.”

    Gall Bladder problems-cause: Bitterness. Hard thoughts. Condemning. Pride. Fear.

    Remedy: “I joyously release all hurts from the past. Life is sweet and so am I.

    Uterus/ovary problems – cause: Allowing confusion to reign. Giving power to outside influences. Rejection of the feminine processes.

    Remedy: “I am at home in my body. I am balanced in my creative flow.

    C-Section-cause: Belief in old wives tales. Belief–childbirth should be painless. Fear. Stopping the process. Rejection of the feminine processes. Unhealed aftereffects of child sexual abuse/rape or adult rape cause the memory of trauma to interfere with the natural birth process. If you are a sexual child abuse or adult rape survivor heal the emotional and physical aftereffects. See http://www.gen-assist.com to find a sexual abuse recovery specialist, traditional therapy is not effective to guide you through sexual abuse recovery.

    Remedy: Change your beliefs about childbirth. Take natural childbirth classes. A mid-wife and/or doula can lead you through a healthy delivery in the majority of instances. “I trust the process of life. I am safe. I am balanced in my creative flow.”

    Jaw Pain-cause: Anger. Resentment. Desire for revenge.

    Remedy: “I am willing to change the patterns in me that created this condition. I love and approve of myself. I am safe.”

    Sleep Apnea: Stubborn refusal to let go of old patterns, overweight or tonsil malfunction.

    Remedy: “I release all that is unlike love and joy in my mind. I move from the past into the new and fresh and vital.” Lose weight and follow remedy for tonsil malfunction.

    Low-Back Pain L-1 to L- 5 – cause: Crying for love and a need to be lonely. Insecurity. Stuck in childhood pain. See no way out. Sexual abuse. Guilt. Self-hatred. Rejection of sexuality. Financial insecurity. Fear of career. Feeling powerless. Insecurity. Difficulty in communicating. Anger. Inability to accept pleasure.

    Remedy: “I am safe in the universe and all Life loves me and supports me. I grow beyond my parents’ limitations and live for myself. It is my turn now. I release the past. I cherish myself and my beautiful sexuality. I am safe. I love who I am. I am grounded in my own power. I am secure on all levels. I deserve to enjoy life. I ask for what I want and I accept with joy and pleasure.”

    Tip: Write these thoughts on a 3X5 card. Read them silently or out loud 3 times upon awakening and before going to sleep. Have a copy with you, if you notice you are running the old tapes in your head, read the new thought pattern. Within 30 – 45 days you will notice you feel better, more energized and have a sense of relief.

    The food we eat or lack of proper nutrition contributes to physical malfunction. I will discuss nutritional needs–titled Holistic Nutrition.

    Article resource: Heal Your Body, Louise Hay.

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    Source by Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD

    Views: 0

  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

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    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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    Source by Mandy Peterson

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