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  • Affairs: How to Heal After an Affair

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    Affairs can destroy a relationship if you do not know the steps to take to heal from an affair.

    Here are some of the specific steps necessary for healing.

    Avoid overreacting. Statements like “The marriage is over” do not have to be true. Many marriages survive an affair. Avoid a vengeance affair. Acknowledge hurt, betrayal, anger, distrust, and homicidal urges. Sometimes a temporary separation will allow for a cooling-down period.

    Honest discussion about what happened and why is important. The why is more important than the what. Be careful about asking for all the gory details. It is human nature to want to know everything, but each revealed incident creates an image in your mind, which becomes difficult to forgive and let go. This process keeps marriage therapists very busy. The more gory details you know, the more images in your head, the longer it takes to heal.

    Each person has two tasks. The person who had the affair has to be squeaky clean and scrupulously honest. The spouse who didn’t have the affair has to forgive and let go.

    Some people hold the false belief that if they forgive, friends and family will see them as weak. Forgiving, letting go of the pain, and moving on after the deep wound of an affair requires great inner strength. As far as we know, only God can forgive and forget. We humans are cursed with memory and so the healing process requires forgiving and letting go of the hurt. Letting go demands personal discipline and is much more difficult if you have a vengeful, unforgiving personality.

    Following these guidelines will go a long way to help you to heal your relationships after an affair.

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    Source by Shuford Davis

    Views: 0

  • The Importance of Randomized DOT Drug Testing

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    Catch Drivers Off-Guard

    There is a reason for randomizing the DOT drug testing. If drivers know when to expect the drug test every month or every quarter, they’re going to know when to stop using drugs, if they are using. They will know exactly how long it takes to flush out of their system in order to get a negative result.

    By randomizing it, you catch drug abusing drivers off guard. They never know when you are going to call them in for a drug test, and therefore if they are using, you are likely going to catch it. This will allow you to learn more about your drivers and keep the roads safe. If for any reason you catch an employee who is using, you will be able to apply the necessary disciplinary action, which can include termination.

    Deter Drug Users

    You want to be smart about who you bring onto your team. You don’t want drug users and therefore, you may be able to detect any of them when you announce that you offer a randomized DOT drug testing. The moment they hear randomized, they know they will not be able to beat the system. Therefore, they are likely not even going to apply to your company – they will move on to someone who has yet to randomize their testing.

    Ensure No One is Being Targeted

    Employees often like to say that employers play favorites. This is something you have to be extremely cautious of. If you don’t randomize your drug testing, it’s likely that someone will feel as though they are being targeted. Particularly if you have a third-party running the program, no one will be able to claim such a thing.

    It Allows You to Be Complaint

    The DOT wants to be sure that you are running the best program possible. This means that they want you to be randomized, and being compliant is of the utmost importance. If the Department of Transportation decides to conduct an audit on your location and you are found to not be randomizing your DOT drug testing, you could be fined.

    In the end, there are plenty of reasons as to why you want to conduct a randomized drug test. Whether you are a large company or an owner-operator, you need to remain compliant. This doesn’t have to be a task that you do completely on your own. Assistance is available to conduct all of the drug testing, and manage the entire program, should you desire.

    Take the time to explore your current system and determine whether it is running effectively or not. If you aren’t randomizing the drug testing, get started right away. If you are inundated with the process, seek assistance.

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    Source by Jeff Weigang

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  • A Healthy Dose of Medicine for the Soul

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    A large segment of the human population takes things way too seriously for their own good. The strange anomaly is that most people laugh at the wrong thing and fail to laugh at the right thing. This serious incongruity has robbed people of a healthy attitude towards life in general.

    Those who take life too seriously are in danger of missing the great joys of living in a crazy world like ours. I am not sure about the scientific research but I would guess that for every sad moment it takes one hundred laughs to balance the books. Some people are about ninety-nine laughs short of a real sane moment.

    I like the old English proverb that says, “Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.”

    From my perspective, if you cannot laugh with someone you will not be able to cry with him or her and have it mean anything.

    According to some medical advice, it takes more facial muscles and energy to frown than it does to smile. Of course, the only exercise some people have is frowning and who am I to take that away from them.

    I am determined, no matter what, to exercise my right to smile and laugh and enjoy the world around me. I must confess that I get this attitude quite honestly.

    My paternal grandfather was a Past Master in the area of practical jokes. No amount of time was too much to spend preparing for one of his famous practical jokes. His favorite holiday was April 1 and began preparing for this holiday right after Christmas.

    The fact that his practical jokes at times got him into trouble did not seem to affect him at all.

    Once while in the hospital for an extended period he had somebody smuggle in to him a can of snuff. For some reason he liked chewing snuff. It is the most disgusting habit I know of on earth.

    He no sooner received his smuggled goods then he began chewing it. If you know anything about chewing snuff, you know it is accompanied by a lot of spitting. As usual, his timing was impeccable. Just as the head nurse passed his door and looked in, he leaned over and spit in to the garbage can he had next to his bed. The nurse, not knowing about the chewing snuff, thought he was spitting blood and immediately went into emergency mode. Immediately my grandfather was rushed into the operating room and the surgeon and medical team were assembled.

    My grandfather was very sick at the time. Some did not think he would get out of the hospital.

    Just as they got him situated in the operating room he pulled from under his sheet his can of chewing snuff and smiled at them. The only person in the room that thought this was in any way amusing was my grandfather. The doctors were so angry with him that they refused to see him for three days and confiscated his can of chewing snuff.

    My aunt and uncle lived right next to my grandfather. My aunt was hyper clean when it came to her house. Dirt in any form was not welcome under her roof. She had a broom that was always within reach because she never knew when a piece of dirt would try to invade her domicile.

    That year my grandfather found something new. I am not sure where he found it but he probably spent a lot of time looking for something like this. It was a rubber facsimile of a very nasty looking piece of vomit. To him it was a prized possession.

    Most of his practical jokes were executed on April 1. Whenever we saw grandfather coming on this particular day we usually ran for cover.

    He went over to visit my aunt and was sitting on the couch in the living room. They chatted for a little while and then my grandfather began to cough a little bit. He said to my aunt, “I haven’t been feeling good lately. I really don’t know what it is.” Then he started to cough a little more seriously, to which, my aunt got up and went to the kitchen to get him a glass of water thinking that might help him.

    When she got back, she was shocked to see on her new coffee table a very horrible sight. My grandfather was bent over the coffee table hacking and coughing as though he was in the process of dying. On the coffee table was a very nasty looking piece of vomit.

    My aunt went into hysterics. She whirled around and within a moment had grabbed her broom and started towards my grandfather. My grandfather was laughing but not for long.

    Suddenly he realized that the flailing broom in my aunt’s hand was aimed at him. She chased him out of the house, down the driveway and for at least three blocks yelling obscenities at him that I dare not repeat in public society.

    Laughter is the fresh air of the soul. Even the Bible thinks so.

    “A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken” (Proverbs 15:13). And, my favorite, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones” (Proverbs 17:22).

    I recommend a healthy dose of medicine for your soul.

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    Source by James Snyder

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  • Relationships: Can A Relationship Allow Someone To Become More Integrated?

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    When someone first starts to spend time with another person, they may find that they only experience good feelings. If there are moments when they don’t, these moments may soon pass.

    The same could also apply when they are not in the other persons company, with this being a time when they will experience good feelings whenever they think about them. If there are moments when they don’t, these moments may also pass before long.

    A Gradual Change

    However, as the weeks and months go by, they may find that their emotional experience starts to change. There could be times when they don’t experience good feelings when they are with their partner and the same thing could happen when they think about them.

    When this happens, one could end up experiencing a fair amount of emotional pain. One could come to believe that the reason they feel different is because of what their partner has done or because their partner has changed in some way, for instance.

    One Direction

    If they come to this conclusion, there is going to be no need for them to take a step back and to see if there is more to it. What is going on out there will be the cause and they won’t have played a part in how they feel.

    The outcome of this is that they could end up blaming their partner, with it being clear that they the ones who are at fault. Their partner could end up going along with this or they could end up pushing back.

    Out of Balance

    If their partner goes along with it, it could show that their partner doesn’t have a clear idea of what they are responsible for and what they are not responsible for. Due to this, it will be normal for them to take the blame for things that have nothing to do with them.

    On the other hand, if their partner draws the line and doesn’t take on what doesn’t relate to them, one may look into what part they are playing in how they feel. If they do this, it will have a positive effect on their relationship and it will also serve one’s own evolution.

    A Different Outlook

    The reason for this is that one will own their own wounds as opposed to blaming their partner for what has been triggered within them. This will stop them for projecting their issues onto their partner, thereby giving them the chance to work through their inner wounds.

    These inner wounds can relate to what has taken place in their adult life and they can go back to what took place during their childhood years. Unlike a physical wound, an inner wound won’t just heal by itself.

    Presence

    An emotional wound can just be covered up and forgotten about by their conscious mind. The downside to this is that when it is brought up to the surface, months or even years later, one can blame another person for how they feel.

    For an emotional wound to be healed, one will need to be with how they feel and to give the wound their full attention. One is then not resisting or trying to change how they feel, they are being with their emotional self.

    A Big Impact

    One way to look at these emotional wounds would be to say that they make it hard for one to operate as a whole human being. They are then going to look whole from the inside, but on the inside they will be anything but whole.

    Another way of looking at this would be to say that one will have many different split-off parts within them. It will take a fair amount of energy for one to keep these parts at bay and it won’t be possible for them to fully show up.

    Weakened

    One could then be in great physical shape, for instance, but they won’t be completely in their power. What this illustrates is that if one ignores these inner wounds, they won’t be able to function at their best.

    Still, what can happen is that one can get used to living in this way, which is why it can seem as though everything is fine. Their energy is unlikely to be as strong as it could be and their presence is likely to be diminished.

    Strengthened

    As they begin to work through their emotional wounds and to integrate these split-off parts, more of them will be able to show up. Furthermore, they will be less reactive and able to be more present around their partner.

    ​

    So by viewing their emotional pain in a totally different way, it will make it easier for them to grow and develop. They will realise that whenever emotional pain comes up, it will be calling out to be acknowledged; it won’t want to be pushed down or changed into something positive.

    Awareness

    If one can relate to this, and they want to become a more integrated human being, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

    The reason one may need external support is because they might not be able to handle these wounds by themselves, which will stop them from being able to work through them. By having someone else to hold the space for them, they will be able to go where they wouldn’t go by themselves.

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    Source by Oliver JR Cooper

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  • Book Summary: Tax-Free Wealth – How to Build Massive Wealth by Tom Wheelwright

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    I was lucky as a kid to have my father as a business mentor. When the time came and I entered the business world, I could not lean on him as he passed away young. The Rich Dad / Poor dad books were my saving grace when it came to financial education. Several of the concepts I knew about because of my father but the advanced strategies and the “how to” really came from the Rich Dad books. Tom is a Rich Dad advisor.

    Why is this important to me?

    I am not doing this summary to waste your time. It is my vision to provide concise action steps that you can adopt right now to enhance your financial life and career. If you want to continuously improve, you have to be committed to continuous learning. Lever the continuous learning with the right associations and you will succeed in your career.

    The Cash flow quadrant really sums up the essence of financial success. If you focus on the left side of the quadrant then you can make an OK income but if you focus on the right side then you can become rich. Robert Kiyosaki points out in Rich Dad / Poor Dad that the left sides of the quadrant people make money, pay tax and then spend it. On the right side of the quadrant people make money, spend it and then pay their taxes. This is a huge difference and can be the biggest success lever in your financial arsenal.

    Tax-Free Wealth points out 24 Tax Strategies you can use on your way to Tax-Free Wealth. For the sake of time I will point out a few along with some commentary about each.

    1. Rule # 1 – It is your money, not the governments. People tend to run scared when it comes to taxes. Remember that you are the one creating the value and making the business work, be smart and utilize tax strategies to minimize tax and maximize your investment. The key here is tax avoidance NOT tax evasion. Every concept in this book is totally legal and encouraged by the IRS.

    2. Rule # 2 – The Tax Law is written to permanently lower your taxes. All financial plans need a solid foundation. This is why you simply can NOT focus on rate of return only. You can make a huge rate of return but if you can lose it because of a law suit or 50% gets eaten up in taxes then you will lose in the long run. 99% of the tax code is written as incentives to encourage people to start business. The reason the government does this is because businesses create jobs and that is the single biggest economic driver.

    3. Rule # 3 – The fastest way to put money in your pocket is to reduce your taxes. Businesses require investment. That investment is a business expense along with R&D, Travel and other business related expenses. You can combine vacation and work legitimately and write it off as a business expense. If you travel and sell items then go on sales calls in the vacation area. If you are a real-estate investor then travel where you may invest.

    4. 4. Rule # 24 – Build massive passive income through your tax savings. This is the strongest wealth builder in the book because you lever up compound interest, velocity of money and leverage. Utilizing these three vehicles along with investment stacking and you will be rich. The goal is to build your business and make the money there and turn it into passive income and then park the added money into cash flow investments like real estate. You want your money working harder than you do. You do not want to trade hours for dollars. Let me give you an example.

    In our software company there are two ways to build wealth and that is through intellectual property and maintenance agreements. These two things used together will build a company that can be sold for 2-4X revenues. Now to foster that investment with leverage, I use the “Infinite Banking Concept” to lend money to the business through “my own bank.” Now the money the business pays me comes back as investment income which means lower taxes. The new revenue the additional maintenance contracts bring foster new contracts. The next step is to use “good debt” to leverage our coverage and purchase more maintenance contract revenue with our software platform.

    In summary, you make money in your business and hold it in passive income generating assets using good leverage, velocity of money and compound interest.

    Tax-Free Wealth is a great resource that I encourage you to read. If you immerse yourself in these concepts, financial security and true wealth can be yours.

    I hope you have found this short summary useful. The key to any new idea is to work it into your daily routine until it becomes habit. Habits form in as little as 21 days. One thing you can take away from this book is lever your financial education. If you take control of your education and schedule 30 minutes per day dedicated to this then you will reap results. You cannot put your financial future in the hands of somebody else. Take on the responsibility and good things will happen.

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    Source by Joe Mosed

    Views: 0

  • Hustler Vs Entrepreneur – Which One Are You?

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    To hustle or not to hustle?

    Currently the use of the word “hustler” is thrown about as a positive way to describe oneself as having an entrepreneurial streak, or starting a new business.

    From the 1800s, hustler meant “thief”, and in particular, someone who was aggressive with their victims. Nowadays, the dictionary still holds this definition true, describing a hustler in a negative light: a thief or criminal; a gold-digger or prostitute; an overly pushy salesman (OED, 2015). In modern music (mostly ghetto rap), “to hustle” refers to a way of making money and doing it against all odds. Maybe the latter is where startups are drawing their inspiration from?

    Hustlers work for immediate gratification to obtain cash-flow, without a long-term vision. It’s about a foot in the door, a constant drive to keep making the money – it’s all about making the next sale.


    As an entrepreneur myself, I would NEVER like to be referred to as a “hustler”.

    Why hustle when you can “undertake enterprise”?

    Being an entrepreneur may involve overcoming odds and making money, but it’s definitely NOT hustling. Startup entrepreneurs find ways of making money, but do so ethically and in terms of a defined growth strategy. Entrepreneurs build a business, own the business, delegate, strategize, and think ahead. They link things – they are connectors: businesses, ideas and people. Entrepreneurs create systems, contingency plans, they develop others, and (probably most noteworthy) entrepreneurs consider exit planning.

    The actual meaning of entrepreneur?

    It stems from Old French, “to undertake enterprise”. What’s enterprise? Well, that’s work. The characteristics of an entrepreneur were added in the 15th century: a person with “adventurous disposition, readiness to undertake challenges, and a spirit of daring” (Harper, 2015). In recent definitions, “One who undertakes an enterprise; one who owns and manages a business; a person who takes the risk of profit or loss” (OED, 2015).


    Which side of the coin are you on?

    Hustler vs Entrepreneur…

    Semantics matters

    Words change in meaning across time – that’s a common thing. But shifting from a negative use to a positive usage (pejoration to amelioration) is very rare. Between entrepreneur and hustler, we need to reflect. From a linguistics perspective, something to watch here. From a new business perspective, you should decide which side of the coin you’re on.

    I guess the choice lies in this –

    Are you undertaking an ethical enterprise as owner and manager, with adventurous disposition, readiness to undertake challenges, spirit of daring taking risks of profit and loss?

    Yes?

    Then you’re an entrepreneur NOT a hustler.

    ~A.

    —

    Direct references:

    -Harper, D. (2015). Etymology Dictionary Via http://www.etymonline.com/

    -OED – Oxford English Dictionary (2015). Via http://www.oed.com/

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    Source by Autumn O’Connor

    Views: 0

  • Just What Is An "Odd" Emotion?

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    While performing social media consulting work for a child psychologist, my eyes were drawn to a Psychology Today magazine sitting in the office lobby. The headline for the cover story read “Odd Emotions: Master The Feelings You Can’t Name.” The title alone was intriguing enough to stoke my interest because, well, I’m a “highly sensitive person” and I often experience emotions that I can’t quite name or explain.

    There Are Just No Adequate Words, Or Are There?

    So-o-o… not too long ago, I struggled with understanding some emotions that I can best describe as a ball of intertwined feelings occurring simultaneously. It felt like an explosive double roundhouse kick to the gut from Ronda Rousey that left me dazed, confused, hurt, angry, scared, humiliated, and traumatized.

    And those are just a few of the emotions that converged upon my spirit in one fell swoop. But the worst part was not being able to explain or comprehend the emotions, nor that no one else seemed to understand it, either.

    Fast forward to the other side of my multifarious emotions, I discover that these “odd” feelings really don’t have one name. When artist and writer John Koenig was not able to label his emotions of pending death, he just invented one, “moriturism,” and says “it [his emotions] felt somehow okay.”

    He then created a website that serves as a dictionary describing emotions that have no name using a combination of creativity, linguistic research, and etymology to assign a name and meaning. For instance, “exulansis,” he has determined is a noun which means “the tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it-whether through envy or pity or simple foreignness-which allows it to drift away from the rest of your life story, until the memory itself feels out of place, almost mythical, wandering restlessly in the fog, no longer even looking for a place to land.”

    The word is a present verb from its Latin root exul, which means “to exile, banish.”

    Fluff or For Real?

    You may be wondering, if people really remember or use these words. Highly likely not, but psychologists suggest in the article that naming or labeling an emotion “might make it more manageable,” “allow us the opportunity to choose our response,” and “help to put a frame around more complex emotions.” I would agree with them, because I believe being able to name what I was previously feeling would have helped to redirect my energy because I spent a lot of time just processing my emotions and the experience.

    Others may see it as a pointless exercise that probably won’t be useful, but Koenig believes it helps individuals to understand that the same indescribable emotions they are feeling have been felt by others. The experience may also encourage the practice of honoring one’s sensitivity and personal emotions in a constructive manner. That’s a lot less exhausting than the alternative, which is running from or suppressing emotions in hopes of an exulansis.

    What do you think about “odd” emotions? Are there inventive words you’ve heard or used to describe an emotion or even an experience, whether good or bad?

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    Source by N. Ann Hall

    Views: 0

  • How to Lose 60 Pounds in 2 Months

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    Is it possible to lose 60 pounds in 2 months? Yes, it is, and many people have done this before. You can do this as well if you do the right way.

    Is it safe to lose 60 pounds in 2 months? Well, it depends as everybody is unique. It may be safe for others, but it doesn’t mean it is safe for you.

    So what’s wrong with dropping 60 pounds in 2 months? There is nothing wrong with losing weight quickly, as long as it’s done the right way. You know that in theory, one could drop as much as 20 pounds a week following a very ambitious eating and exercise plan, devoting more than seven hours per week to rigorous exercise, and under a physician’s care.

    You would need to lose only 7-8 pounds a week to reach your goal, which is far less than 20 pounds a week. I think there’s nothing wrong losing 60 pounds in 2 months if you don’t have any health issues. Do consult your doctor first before you go for it to be sure it’s safe for you as I already mentioned, everyone is different. What is safe for others may not be safe for you.

    The very important key to lose 60 pounds in 2 months is to plan your diet and exercise very well. You need a proper plan to stick with. The plan must fit your daily lifestyle, the one that you are able to follow, not just quit after a week or less.

    The first thing you need to do is to find out why you can’t lose weight.

    1. Can you reduce high calorie foods and drinks?

    2. Do you feel stressed when you don’t have your favorite foods?

    3. Is exercise killing you?

    4. Are you too tired to exercise because you’re obese?

    5. Are you bored with following the diet program?

    6. Do you think you have tried many weight loss programs but they don’t seem to work for you?

    The list goes on and on. As you may already know that the basic rule of losing weight is to eat less but to maintain a healthy diet and exercise more. It sounds very simple to say but it isn’t in practice. You could overcome this issue by gradually changing your lifestyle. I understand that it takes time and you may not lose 60 pounds as fast as you want. That’s why you need to find out the right plan for yourself by trying out many weight loss programs and see what works best for you. Most people who successfully lost weight may have had many failures but it didn’t stop them from trying. You need to keep your motivation high in term of weight loss. Think positive and you’ve already won half the battle.

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    Source by Susan Boyce

    Views: 0

  • Life Lessons Learnt Post Drug Detox

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    Drug addiction is a chronic illness that brings misery not only to the life of the individual addicted, but also to his or her loved ones. In recent years, drug addiction has become a matter of serious concern for the United States as a large number of young adults in the country are getting addicted to prescriptions drugs and illegal substances at an alarming rate.

    The “drug culture” rampant in the American society takes a heavy toll on the people’s personal as well as professional lives. Sometimes, the influence of the drug can be so strong that it may lead to several other serious issues, such as increased risk for physical and mental ailments, suicidal thoughts, and even death.

    However, drug addiction is a preventable and curable disease that can be treated with medications and counseling. Medical detoxification is the first step toward quitting the vice of addiction and leading a productive life. Though the detox process is essentially aimed at removing toxins from the body after a long-term drug use, it teaches some incredible life lessons along the way.

    Listed below are some of the lessons that people learn during drug detox in a rehabilitation program, which can be carried out for many years to come:

    1. Addiction does not discriminate

    Drug addiction can affect anybody regardless of age, gender, ethnicity, race, or even socio-economic class. Often starting as an experiment, people gradually cross the illusive line of addiction, from where there is no turning back. However, the good news is that an effective detox program can help such people get rid of the devastating habit.

    2. Increasing awareness about addiction is important

    Being aware about the ways in which a particular drug can affect an individual and knowing about the legal repercussions of its addiction can motivate a person and his or her loved ones to stay away from the drug. Also, being aware of the right detox program is important to ensure a speedy recovery for a person who is already in the clutches of destructive drug use.

    3. Addiction leaves one lonely

    Drug addiction is a chronic illness that makes an individual live in solitude. Those fighting substance abuse disconnect themselves from the external world and stay aloof from friends, relatives and other loved ones. Undergoing a detox program teaches a person to make friends, lead a social life and engage in healthy habits.

    4. Self-care is essential

    Taking care of own body and mind is important to keep oneself fit and healthy. This is also required to ensure that a vulnerable individual does not get trapped into drug addiction, and continues to lead an addiction-free life post detox.

    5. Running away from stress does not prevent drug addiction

    For many individuals, addiction generally develops when they feel low, sad or depressed. However, in a detox program, a person comes face-to-face with such negative emotions and makes efforts to develop “emotional sobriety” first, in order to lead a drug-free life.

    Leading a drug-free life is possible

    Abusing any form of drugs, including prescription drugs, is illegal and can deteriorate the life of any individual. A comprehensive detoxification is a must in every drug rehabilitation program as it prepares the patient for further treatment procedure. The complexity of detoxification depends on the nature and length of the abuse.

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    Source by Barbara Odozi

    Views: 0