Tag: LIMIT

  • What Can I Say To Make My Husband Understand The Pain That His Cheating Has Caused?

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    It’s very common from me to hear from wives who are struggling to explain to their husbands just how much his cheating or affair hurt them and caused them pain. But often, their husband doesn’t react in the way that they were hoping for and they are looking for a way to explain their feelings so that he actually understands them.

    I recently heard from a wife who said, in part: “I have repeatedly tried to explain to my husband the depth of and reasons for my pain after his infidelity, but he either doesn’t want to hear it or he’s not understanding what I’m saying. Sometimes, I pour my heart out to him and try to explain how he has hurt me and all I get is blank stare back or empty assurances that he really is trying. This is so frustrating to me because I need him to understand the extent of my pain so that I can have some reassurance that he’ll never cheat again. I want him to understand why I sometimes act in the way that I do because of what a grave mistake he has made. But part of me thinks that he’s unwilling or just incapable of hearing me. How can I explain my pain in a way that he’ll actually understand and be willing to listen?” I’ll address these concerns in the following article.

    Pick The Right Time And Know That, Once You Start Repeating Yourself, Your Words Lose Their Effectiveness: I hear from both wives who are faithful and husbands who are not on my blog and I can tell you that if you are constantly talking about your hurt and pain, eventually, even the most sincere husband will begin to tune you out. One reason for this is that no one wants to constantly be reminded of the pain that they have caused. And husbands will often want to place their focus on moving on while the wife wants to place her focus on understanding and digging a little deeper.

    This doesn’t necessarily mean that the husband doesn’t care about your pain or just doesn’t want to hear it. But, at least sometimes, he hears your words as accusations. He might constantly hear that his selfishness and weakness has hurt you deeply and this just isn’t a message that he wants to hear on a continual basis, day after day. Men will often give comments like “she constantly wants to tell me how much the infidelity has hurt her. I do believe and understand that and I’m sorry for it. But, do I really need or have to listen to what an awful person I am every single day? How many times does she need to explain where I went wrong or how awful I am before she will feel satisfied that she’s said it enough? I tell her I’m deeply sorry. I listen. But it doesn’t seem to be enough and we repeat this process constantly.”

    I’m not telling you this to imply that you can’t regularly discuss and try to work through the infidelity. I’m telling you this because I want you to understand the obstacles that are in your way and the dynamics that are at play here. If you really want your husband to listen and to take your words to heart, then sometimes you have to pick the right time and limit the message so that it has the maximum impact.

    Consider What Your Husband Is Actually Going To Hear Before You Say The Words: I alluded to this in the previous paragraph, but sometimes the message that your husband hears has more to do with your tone and your delivery than the words that you say. So you might say something like “your infidelity has hurt me deeply. It’s made me doubt your integrity and your love and commitment to me. It’s affected my self esteem and my level of trust. And I’m not sure when things are going to get any better.”

    But what he hears is often something more in line with: “your poor decision to cheat on me has ruined my life and will probably ruin our marriage. You are an awful, selfish person with very little impulse control. And your actions have caused me so much pain that I might not ever fully recover. Because of this, I am going to feel pain and resentment every time I look at you or even think of you. And, this is going to be our lot in life from this day on because I don’t anticipate any changes.”

    These examples might seem a little extreme, but they aren’t that far off from the comments that I hear. An unfaithful husband can hear a message that you never intended. And because of this, he is often somewhat resistant to that message. Of course, the wife will often take this to mean he isn’t listening or he just doesn’t care and so she will continue to repeat herself with more feeling. And of course, this just keeps the cycle going. She doesn’t feel heard and he feels beaten down and neither person is getting what they want or need.

    If you think about it, what you probably really want is to feel heard. You want for him to know, understand, (and even feel) your pain because if he does, he’s less likely to cheat again and more likely to show the remorse that so many of us really want and need. So, think about what’s most likely to accomplish this.

    You don’t want to come across as too accusatory or too despondent because unfortunately, these things will contribute to him feeling defensive and to tuning you out. Instead, you want to use “I” phrases so that it sounds as if you’re talking responsibility for your own feelings and you’re not just trying to lay on the blame or make him feel continuously guilty for the rest of his life. And, you want to choose the time when your message is most likely to be heard. You don’t want to try to explain yourself in the middle of a fight or when you’re main goal is to hurt him. I’ve found that the message is often more likely to be heard if you say it when things are going a little more positively and both people are calm.

    An Example Of What To Say To Express The Pain His Cheating Has Caused: An example would be something like: “if this is a good time, I’d like to briefly explain how much your infidelity has hurt me. I’m not doing this to punish you or to paint you as a horrible person. I love you and don’t think you’re an awful person, but I need to feel as though you care enough to hear me. And I need to know that you truly understand so that you will hesitate to cheat again. Having someone who you love more than anything betray you in this way is something that is more devastating and hurtful than I could have ever imagined. It calls into doubt things about your marriage and yourself that are just devastating. Can you even begin to put yourself in my shoes and imagine that the rolls were reversed? Because I need to know that you understand how much pain I’m in so that we can begin to move forward once and for all. I don’t intend to keep bringing this up, but before I move on, I need to know that you truly understand.”

    Phrasing like this is much more likely to get the response and the understanding that you are after. But you can only play this card so often before your husband begins to tune you out. So once you’ve laid your cards on the table, it’s best to begin to move forward so that your husband can see that you’re sincere about not using your words to continuously punish him.

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    Source by Katie Lersch

    Views: 0

  • MLM Training – How To Answer the 30 Most Common Questions And Rejections In MLM or Network Marketing

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    Ok, so you’ve made the call, initiated the invitation, but things didn’t go as smoothly as what you expected.

    Your prospect started to ask some tough questions.

    Gulp, all of a sudden your tongue got tied up! You panic and said something stupid.

    Just yesterday, one of my downlines asked me after she made her first few calls to some prospects.

    What do you say when they ask you, Is this MLM? or Do I need to sell stuff? or Do I need to spend a lot of time?

    Here are your answers to the 30 most asked questions in MLM or Network Marketing.

    1. What is this business all about?

    Answer 1 (refer back to your website): Well, everything is explained on my website. Can you check it out today?

    Answer 2 (if your company does not provide a website): Well, I can’t explain it over the phone, so the best way is to meet up either today or tomorrow so that I can show you the details.

    * Now, the reason why we do not want to explain over the phone, is simply because there is no way the prospect can see the full big picture with some words transferred over the phone! Remember, our responsibility in MLM is to pass the message on and the clearer the message, the lower the chance of rejection or misinformation.

    2. Is this MLM?

    Answer: (Answer a question with a question) Why do you ask that? Have you done MLM before?

    * In this case, we answer a question with a question because we want to know if the prospect is NEGATIVE towards MLM. If the prospects answers your question with a negative response eg. Yes I have and I failed terribly or No I have not, but my relative/friend was involved with some MLM and failed, then you must be more tactful and answer Well, its not what you think or have seen. Check out my website or I can show you the details when we meet up today or tomorrow.

    3. Is this one of those pyramids or money games?

    Answer: No, of course not. Why do you say that? Did you have a bad experience with something like that?

    *Again, we want to find out if the prospect had a negative experience and we want to reassure them that our business is nothing like that.

    4. So do I need to sell anything?

    Answer: No, this business is not about being a super salesperson if you do not like sales.

    *The reason why we say this is because more than 90% of the worlds population does not like sales. However, its more of a fear of having to sell stuff because they do not see the benefits or whats in it for them.

    5. Do I have to sell stuff to my family and friends?

    Answer: No, you do not have to if you do not like doing that.

    * Most people fear peddling products to their family and friends, however most of the time, their opinion will change when they realize how good the products are and how they can benefit from those products.

    6. Do I have to make cold calls?

    Answer: No, you do not need to make cold calls if you do not want to.

    7. Do I have to spend long hours to do this business?

    Answer: Well, its actually flexible and totally up to you. The more time and effort you put into the business, the more you will earn as there is no limit to the amount of money you can make.

    8. I don’t have many friends.

    Answer: Its ok. You do not need to depend on your friends and relatives to succeed in this business.

    9. So what do I need to do?

    Answer: You need to go through our company training and learn the basics of the business, then follow our step by step system to guide you towards success.

    10. Do I need to invest a lot of money?

    Answer: That’s the beauty of this business. You do not need to invest a huge sum of money to start the business. How much will you need to start a McDonald’s or Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise?

    *The idea here to make a powerful reference to a business like McDonald’s which everyone knows or has heard about. Then, inform the prospect that a McDonald’s franchise takes something like US$1 million dollars to start. However, our business just needs a few hundred or thousand dollars to get started. Comparatively, that’s not a huge investment at all!

    11. I can’t talk as well as you.

    Answer: In this business, its not about being able to talk well. Besides, well be guiding you with our step by step system that does not require you to talk well or be a good salesman.

    12. I am just too busy.

    Answer: Will you like to have more time freedom then?

    *Explain to the prospect the ideas I shared in WHY MLM about exchanging your time for money and exchanging OPT(Other peoples time) for your wealth. Many people think they are doing well, but they don’t realize they are still caught in the rat race.

    13. I don’t think MLM or Network Marketing is a professional career.

    Answer: Have you heard of Donald Trump(ultra rich billionaire property mogul in the hit show THE APPRENTICE) or Robert Kiyosaki (World famous author of the book RICH DAD POOR DAD)? If both of them strongly recommend network marketing or MLM as one of the best businesses for people to get rich with, do you think that they will risk their reputation on something that is not professional?

    *The best way is to show them Donald Trump and Robert Kiyosaki’s book which they co-wrote together, Why We Want You To Be Rich? and flip to that one entire chapter where both of them recommend that we join network marketing in order to get rich!

    14. Have you made any money yet?

    Answer(if you just started): No, I just started the business and any business takes time to generate income. However, I can introduce to my upline who has made money already and is very successful. You can check out his website or I can arrange a 3 way call for a conversation with him.

    15. How long will it take for me to make any money?

    Answer: Its up to how much time and effort you put into the business. However, give yourself at least 3 months to learn the ropes first.

    16. What if I run out of friends?

    Answer: As I mentioned, you do not need to limit yourself to your friends and family. We will guide you step by step how you can have an unlimited number of people to share the business with.

    17. I don’t think I can afford the money to start.

    Answer: Do you really seriously want to achieve your dreams? If yes, figure out a way you can get the money to start. You can start saving up now so that you can start later.

    18. You are already successful, that’s why you can do it but I am not like you.

    Answer: Do you want to change your life then? If yes, start by being a good student and learn how to do it. We are willing to guide you towards success.

    19. Do I have to become a products expert?

    Answer: No, we are only the messengers who pass the information on to others. We do not need to become doctors, or nutritionists or product experts.

    20. Can I build my business overseas to other countries?

    Answer: Yes, of course. With the internet, we are able to share our business opportunity with anyone in any country around the world. So long we are able to deliver the products there, anything is possible.

    21. Can I start part time and still succeed?

    Answer: Yes, of course. Many of us start part time and build up a significant income before we go full time.

    22. How long will it take to achieve a full time income?

    Answer: Just like any business, give yourself at least 6 months to 1 year to build up a significant income.

    23. Can I register a company to do this type of business?

    Answer: Yes of course. You are already considered a self employed business owner by starting this business, so you can register a sole proprietorship, partnership or incorporated company to do this business and enjoy all the tax benefits.

    24. Can I do this business together with my spouse?

    Answer: Yes of course. In fact, we have seen many success stories of couples who work together as partners in this business and it not only helps with their finances, but their marriage as well.

    25. The money in network marketing is too slow for me.

    Answer: Well, if you’re looking for fast money, usually its associated with high risk. However, if you want low risk, but highly leveraged passive residual income i.e. income that grows while you sleep without risking high investments, network marketing will give you that if you work the business for 1 to 2 years.

    26. Too many people fail in MLM.

    Answer: Isn’t that true in any industry? Example, insurance, property agents, even 9 of 10 traditional businesses fail in any given year. Be it in MLM or in any industry, the only people who fail are those who give up. And those who succeed are those who never ever GIVE UP.

    27. I hear too many horror stories and negative comments about MLM.

    Answer: There is nothing wrong about MLM as a business model. Its just misunderstood by the general public. However, did you know that when franchising first started in USA, everyone said it’s a scam? The same thing happened when personal insurance policies were first introduced to the general public. It took more than 20 years before the public started to accept that personal insurance wasn’t a scam to cheat your money but a necessary protection instead. But if you had been one of those pioneering leaders in the Insurance industry, today you will be very rich! So its the same situation for MLM, when less people understand it, that’s when the opportunity is BIG.

    28. Do I need to convince people to buy products?

    Answer: No. Your responsibility is to pass the information to them so that they can review the DVD, website or magazine so that they can convince themselves if they are interested. You do not need to do any convincing at all.

    29. I have no extra time to do this.

    Answer: If today I told you that I’m selling my ferrari sports car for $1000 and you only have until tomorrow to grab this limited time offer, will you find the time to get $100 to me right now? If yes, it means that the point is whether you really want it bad enough to find time to do it. So do you really want to succeed or are you just fooling around?

    30. I have no idea where or how to start.

    Answer: No problem, let me guide you step by step with our new distributor orientation training system and quick start checklist.

    * By this time, your company or your organizations training system should have a simple step by step checklist or training guide that you can use to duplicate your new downline to get started.

    So there you have it!

    The 30 most common questions, answers and rejections in MLM or Network Marketing.

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    Source by Dennis Bay

    Views: 0

  • I’m Angry That He Won’t Marry Me And This Is Hurting Our Relationship: Tips That Might Help

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    I sometimes hear from women who, after a set amount of time, begin to feel a little annoyance, frustration, anger, or resentment that they are not getting engaged or married. And, as time goes by these negative feelings build so that it begins to hurt the relationship. The great irony of all of this is that this whole process can actually make a marriage or engagement less likely so that it is a vicious cycle.

    I heard from a woman who said: “I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years. I hate calling him that, my boyfriend. We’re in our late twenties and that’s too old to be calling someone your boyfriend. At this point, we have lived together for two and a half years. He knows that I want to get married, but he’s dragging his feet. We own our apartment together, but other than this, there’s nothing legally binding us together. I worry that if something happened to either of us, the other wouldn’t have any legal standing to make decisions. I’m angry that he has put me in this position. I feel like he thinks that I’m good enough to live with but not good enough to marry. And I find myself short tempered and sarcastic with him because of my anger. At this rate, I feel like this whole process is going to hurt our relationship. I can’t seem to control my feelings. And I feel that I have a right to be angry. What can I do?” I will try to address these concerns in the following article.

    Understand That If Left Unchecked, This Cycle Really Can Harm Or Even Destroy Your Relationship: Many couples get caught in this cycle and they just sort of become so used to it that they start to envision that it is always going to be this way. They figure that no one is going to blink first so that they will sort of always be at a stand still, waiting to see who is going to make the first move. That’s why they often don’t even see the end of their relationship coming. This cycle has ended many relationships precisely because people begin to believe that nothing is ever going to change. And eventually, one or both of the parties decides that they just don’t want to live this way anymore.

    Consider Agreeing To Shelf The Issue And Then To Come Back To It At An Agreed Upon Time: Here’s what you have to understand. It’s possible that eventually, this issue will become a central problem in your relationship. And, when this happens, the whole dynamics of your relationship changes and this change is not for the better. It seems as if everything always come back to this one thing and you can’t seem to regain your footing or to move forward.

    It’s my experience and observation that it is better for you to put this issue on the shelf, for just a little while, if you find that it is deteriorating your relationship. Sometimes, when I explain this to folks, they think that I am telling them to give up or to just accept that he doesn’t want to marry you. This isn’t what I am implying at all. I am only saying that if you agree to shelf it and then to reevaluate, you gain a couple of things. First, you limit the damage to your relationship. In order for him to commit to you, he needs to have the peace of mind that the relationship is worthy of that commitment. The chances of this happening are less if you just can’t move past your differences of opinion on this topic.

    Second, if you can get him to agree to revisit this topic later, then he’s committed to thinking very seriously about committing at a later point in time. As far as I’m concerned, that is a huge gain and big bonus. Because as of right now, you don’t have that. And when you shelf the issue, you place your focus back on your relationship. The tension wanes and things can be good between you again. This way, when you two do discuss this again at that set time, your relationship will hopefully have recovered to the point where he is comfortable committing. If he is not, then it may be time to dig a little deeper to determine why he isn’t comfortable committing.

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    Source by Mari Deene

    Views: 0

  • The Only Real Cure For Irritable Bowel Syndrome

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    In this article I will talk about irritable bowel syndrome specifically IBS-D which manifests itself in loose bowel movements or alternating diarrhea and constipation. I will not talk about IBS-C which appears to manifest itself in solely bloating and constipation.

    If you have landed on this page it will be because you like many millions of others have either been trying to self diagnose your condition or more likely that you are looking for a cure. I must warn you in advance, although I have an academic background I am not a medical health professional and you should always consult a doctor before embarking on any form of treatment however mild.

    In this article I will be covering my battle with IBS for approximately 10 years and how I finally found a cure that works. Everybody has a different story when it comes to IBS-D but as I found out, we all have something in common. I will go on to discuss this in the following paragraphs but I just want to start by saying a little bit about me.

    About 10 years ago I was a young university graduate and decided to join a job that first seemed exciting with infinite possibilities. I soon learned that this job was very stressful and required a 24 hour commitment. I didn’t have a problem with working hard but I had a problem with my work environment. Many people at work were miserable, anxious, and horrible to one another and constantly testing their bodies to the limit. It seemed the norm to be constantly stressed out, have a poor diet and feel like you had no control over your life. My work was my life and my life was nonexistent.

    Within a few months I started to come into work and make my way straight to the toilet. As any sufferer of IBS-D will known this meant constant diarrhea. It didn’t matter what I ate or drank I would always have diarrhea. It was not uncommon for me to visit the toilet three or four times a day having eaten little to nothing and immediately have diarrhea.

    Slowly I just got used the feeling and for whatever reason I thought nothing more of it. As soon as I would eat I would not feel at ease until I had gone and empties my bowels after which I immediately felt better. Along with the diarrhea I would lose water from my body which I never had time to replace so I looked like a dried out prune. Over 5 years I continued to do this to my body hoping that I would find a better role in my job and finally this would all stop.

    It certainly did not go away in fact into my 6th year of IBS-D suddenly out of nowhere I started getting debilitating cramps followed immediately by diarrhea. I would have these cramps 5-10 times a day and would literally need to run to the toilet or feel like I was about to soil myself. This made it difficult to be effective at my job which then created a vicious cycle causing my IBS-D to completely go out of control.

    I suddenly thought that I had developed cancer and stated reading everything on the internet about what disease matched up with my symptoms. I found quite a few which is why self diagnosis is not such a wise idea. I went to my doctor and we stated off with a course of antibiotics as he thought I might have developed in infection after an episode of food poisoning.

    This didn’t have any lasting effect and soon I was back to him demanding more in depth tests. This started a with a breath test to rule out food allergies and went onto multiple blood tests to eventually eliminating ulcers, colitis, coeliac disease, Crones disease gut infections, etc. I then went to the next and final step which was endoscopy of both the upper and lower digestive tracts. This all came back negative too. Finally I was diagnosed with severe IBS-D. In one way I was relieved to know that I didn’t have something like colon cancer but at the same time I was depressed thinking IBD apparently has no cure.

    The next chapter of my life involved trailing a long list of medicines in the hope that they would resolve this issue. Now I want to tell you that of the drugs that I took, there are many people out there that rave about some of these drugs and what it has done for them. That is great as everyone’s body is different and what works for you may not work for me.

    I am addressing the huge numbers of sufferers worldwide who like me have tried everything under the sun and were unable to find a cure. Now the following is a non exhaustive list of drugs which I tried and the results by their side.

    Fibre (ineffective) Made things worse

    Pre & Probiotics (ineffective) At first seemed promising but quickly stopped working

    Exercise (ineffective)

    Drinking Lots of water (ineffective) Made things worse

    Exclusion diet (ineffective) Some foods like cheese, chocolate, spice made my IBS worse but exclusion of all the culprits did not resolve matters.

    Anti Spasmodic (ineffective) Lots of different brands but all useless

    Imodium (ineffective) Helped a little with the diarrhea but certainly not the cramps

    Tri Cyclic Anti Depressant (ineffective) Has a drying up effective at first but quickly runs out

    Hypnotherapy (ineffective) Very insightful and relaxing but not enough by itself

    At this point the consultant G.I specialist had run out of ideas and I was left to suffer on my own.

    Having done countless hundreds of hours of research I came across the answer. In Islam we believe that for every single disease God has made a cure so go seek it.

    These are my opinions on IBS-D;

    IBS-D will not kill you, it can easily be treated and there is nothing seriously wrong with you

    IBS-D Is a functional disorder which is caused 99% by stress be it conscious or subconscious

    IBS-D can only ever be treated by dealing with the cause behind the problem and not the problem itself

    IBS-D affects people generally in the Western world where the 24/7 lifestyle and pressures of society cause people to be stressed out beyond limits and this is often brushed off as mild anxiety or depression.

    So here is the magic bullet you have all been waiting for that worked for me and if my concept is correct should work 100% without fail for genuine IBS-D sufferers.

    First accept that you have IBS-D because you are under pressure consciously or subconsciously and this is your body’s way of warning you that enough is enough.

    I spoke to my G.P and asked for Venlafaxine XL which is an SNRI antidepressant. I choose this specifically because it had constipation as one of its side effects; it was a powerful antidepressant and reduced visceral hypersensitivity.

    Within 6 months at 150mg a day I had completely 100% recovered from any symptoms of IBS-D.

    So how did it work? It is simple; the vicious cycle of stress, followed by cramps followed by diarrhea was broken. I no longer worried every time I went out if I had been food poisoned or where the nearest toilet was. It just let me get on with life without thinking about IBS and soon I was able just stop worrying about IBS and that is it.

    Every single person reacts differently to different antidepressants so try them and see which one works best for you. Whilst you are on them you could try using hypnotherapy to make you understand that if you take the stress away then you break the cycle. It’s your thoughts that control your bowels. Controlling your thoughts will help control you’re IBS but as I said before hypnotherapy is ineffective on its own.

    The only other drug that I have used when coming off Venlafaxine was a benzodiazepine called Alprazolem, brand name XANAX. In the UK this is not prescribed on the NHS so you will have to get it by private prescription. This drug can be addictive but if you have good self control it is an excellent drug to use on a controlled as needed basis. One tablet of 0.5 mg and I would be saying what IBS? You have to be very very careful not to increase your dose or develop a habit for this drug. You should also know it can develop tolerance and so you will then need to start increasing your does. Use it like it is supposed to be used as a treatment for IBS and not recreationally for you pleasure and you will have no problem.

    Finally I’d like to conclude by saying that if I didn’t have God in my life I probably would have given up long ago. Now I have my life back and am free from IBS-D. God always gave me hope so never give up the search for treatment and treatment starts with knowledge of your condition. So don’t make the mistakes I made and loose ten years of your life before realising that we are all human and we all have breaking points. If you have gone past that breaking point your body will tell you one way or another so listen to your body.

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    Source by Jordan James Sinclair

    Views: 0

  • Transforming Negative Emotions Into Positive Feelings and Actions Part 2

    Transforming Negative Emotions Into Positive Feelings and Actions Part 2

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    Techniques to Release, Overcome and Transform

    1.) Observe yourself having the emotion. Just become aware and watch yourself in the process. This de-fuses it and frees you from an emotional strangle-hold and escalation. It takes will and strong desire to do this and becomes easier with practice.

    2.) Choose an image, a personal symbol, to place in your mind to stop self as soon as you recognize a negative emotion happening. For example, a stop sign, 10 deep breaths, a Danger sign or whatever means ‘stop” to you.

    3.) Consciously lift and move your energy from your solar plexus (stomach) area to your heart. The emotional charge is in the stomach and when you relocate your focus to the heart, you calm down and can see what is best. You’ll become harmless to yourself and others as your center of love is activated and replaces the negative feeling. A better decision can then be made.

    Release the Emotion (A present Feeling or one from the past):

    1.) Stomp, pound a pillow, yell, run, cry; release the emotion from the body.

    2.) Image a shower of light pouring down on you and washing the painful emotion away.

    3.) Pull the plug on the emotion. Image it as a color going down a drain.

    4.) Journal, write your feelings down.

    5.) Art Therapy. Do a simple technique that releases the emotion by taking a sheet of paper and using crayons, markers or pastels to draw/scribble your feelings on the paper. Get them out on the paper; release them. Turn the paper and see this situation differently. Now, draw. A new perspective can harmonize the emotion you’re releasing.

    6.) We release emotions with intention to be rid of them, not to fuel the fire for more. Be sure to release with the desire to be free of them.

    Transforming Negative Emotions:

    1.) Change your energy field. Close your eyes and imagine the emotion as energy around you. What does it look like, what color, shape, form etc. does it take? Now allow it to change and smooth out, becoming transformed, harmonized, peaceful. What does it look and feel like now?

    2.) Change your perspective on the situation. Re-frame it in a way that’s positive/productive for you. Ask yourself, how this situation can help you. What is good about it? How are you growing from it? A positive attitude about something can help resolve it for you, even if it’s a difficult situation. A new mindset can change everything.

    3.) Ask self what the lesson you are learning from this situation is. Knowing the lesson helps transform the negative feeling and take on the mastery of the lesson you are in the process of learning.

    4.) Put a new and positive picture in your mind about the situation that is causing the hurtful emotion. Instead of dwelling on the painful scenario or the trauma incident or being yelled at or treated disrespectfully, replace it with one of yourself healed, happy, successful, determined to move on etc. Whatever feels great and counters the old feeling. Keep the new picture in place whenever the old feeling comes up. The mind and body respond quickly to pictures, so this will shift you fast.

    5.) Inner Listening. Get very quiet and go into the silence within. Allow your inner guide to bring you new insights, wisdom and solutions for healing and transformation.

    6.) Forgiveness means letting go. It doesn’t condone bad behavior, but lets the pain go. You and others have the right to make mistakes and grow. Forgive self if needed and forgive others. This doesn’t mean that you will choose to stay connected with anyone who harms you. It means you let go of the painful movie, get the lesson and move forward. You stop the images and negative emotions from their endless control over you. Restore your self- esteem if you’ve acted poorly and wish the other person well if they have. To clean yourself completely, do a systematic of forgiveness for everyone in your life. You will be rejuvenated. Forgive; let go and say goodbye to these emotions.

    7.) Change a gripe to a goal. If you regularly complain and feel negatively about something or someone, set a goal for yourself and be determined to accomplish it. For example, if you are jealous of someone who has a degree in art; stop it and find a way to get one for yourself. If you are short of money and angry at others who have it, stop it and chart your path, make a plan to increase your income. Things happen first in the mind, so begin to visualize yourself having what you want already now. Feel the joy of it and for 5 minutes several times a day, sit quietly and feel the emotions you would have if it were yours now. Soon you begin to believe you have it. In the Biology of belief, Bruce Lipton offers scientific proof that we get what we believe.

    8.) Thoughts and emotions are intimately connected in fact, inseparable. One leads to the other. What repetitive thoughts do you have that are hurting you? Are you taking charge of your negative thoughts and transforming them? Think the opposite of your negative thought as soon as you catch yourself having it. Correct yourself on a daily basis; over and over. Repetition of the new corrected thought forges a new brain pathway and pattern. Strong intention and follow through is necessary.

    Don’t let your mind wander all day without direction or self-monitoring. You can change your mind at any moment into a more positive state. Letting your thoughts run wild will take away your peace. Take charge of yourself and choose thoughts that will help you.

    9.) What belief about yourself do you want to change? Finances, relationships, self-concept, accomplishment of a specific goal; health, personal qualities etc. Beliefs that limit and cause pain keep your emotions at a painful level, and only you can change that.

    Taking Positive New Action

    1) Set clear boundaries. You decide what you will and won’t accept from people and act on it.

    2) Practice assertive communication with others. Tell them how you feel without blame or judgment; just how you feel. Stand up for self if needed.

    3) Be creative. Create something positive from your experience.

    For example, women who have been abused have set up women’s shelters around the country. People who grew up hungry have started programs to feed poor children.

    All of these techniques work. Practice and practice and you will see yourself and your life become fulfilled and beautiful. Be very patient with yourself, as this is hard work and takes a lot of self- control, intention and discipline. It’s a progressive unfolding of the highest part of self. Over time we blossom!

    Steps in Review:

    1.) Stop and control self.

    2.) Release the emotion

    3.) Transform the emotion

    4.) Take positive new action

    5.) Replace negative emotional reactions with spiritual actions and personal spiritual qualities.

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    Source by Carole Cravath

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  • A Substantive Due Process Challenge to the War on Drugs

    A Substantive Due Process Challenge to the War on Drugs

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    Substantive Due Process Analysis of the Incarceration of Drug Offenders

    A. Framework

    In Washington v. Glucksberg, Chief Justice Rehnquist described the framework for substantive due process analysis:

    Our established method of substantive-due-process analysis has two primary features: First, we have regularly observed that the Due Process Clause specially protects those fundamental rights and liberties which are, objectively, “deeply rooted in this Nation’s history and tradition,” and “implicit in the concept of ordered liberty,” such that “neither liberty nor justice would exist if they were sacrificed.” Second, we have required in substantive-due-process cases a “careful description” of the asserted fundamental liberty interest. Our Nation’s history, legal traditions, and practices thus provide the crucial “guideposts for responsible decisionmaking,” that direct and restrain our exposition of the Due Process Clause. As we stated recently in Flores, the Fourteenth Amendment “forbids the government to infringe . . . ‘fundamental’ liberty interests at all, no matter what process is provided, unless the infringement is narrowly tailored to serve a compelling state interest.”

    Applying this method, one must first examine freedom from incarceration to determine if it is a fundamental right. If so, government policies that require the incarceration of offenders, including drug offenders, must serve compelling interests and be narrowly tailored to achieve them. This article assumes for the sake of argument that drug problems give rise to compelling state interests. It then reviews the interests asserted by the government in its pursuit of its drug war policies and the results of those policies to determine whether the policy of incarcerating drug offenders is narrowly tailored to those asserted interests.

    B. The Fundamental Liberty Interest: Freedom from Incarceration

    Federal and state laws subject drug offenders to incarceration. Incarceration is a tremendous deprivation of liberty that triggers the protections of the Due Process Clause. The Supreme Court has recognized this right on a number of occasions. In DeShaney v. Winnebago County DSS for example, the court held:

    [I]t is the State’s affirmative act of restraining the individual’s freedom to act on his own behalf–through incarceration, institutionalization, or other similar restraint of personal liberty–which is the “deprivation of liberty” triggering the protections of the Due Process Clause . . . .

    Perhaps the earliest explicit recognition by the Supreme Court of freedom from incarceration as a fundamental right under substantive due process came in Allgeyer:

    The ‘liberty’ mentioned in [the fourteenth] amendment means, not only the right of the citizen to be free from the mere physical restraint of his person, as by incarceration, but the term is deemed to embrace the right of the citizen to be free in the enjoyment of all his faculties; to be free to use them in all lawful ways; to live and work where he will; to earn his livelihood by any lawful calling; to pursue any livelihood or avocation; and for that purpose to enter into all contracts which may be proper, necessary, and essential to his carrying out to a successful conclusion the purposes above mentioned.

    An 1891 law review article noted that Blackstone described “freedom from restraint of the person” as “perhaps the most important of all civil rights,” and that Lord Coke felt “the liberty of a man’s person is more precious to him than everything else that is mentioned [in the Magna Charta].” Blackstone states that “the rights of all mankind . . . may be reduced to three principal or primary articles; the right of personal security, the right of personal liberty, and the right of private property.” Indeed, the original Latin in the Magna Charta’s “law of the land” clause uses the term “imprisonetur.”

    No court has invalidated a criminal statute through the application of substantive due process analysis to the fundamental right of freedom from incarceration. At the same time, no court has ruled to the contrary. The Supreme Court avoided the question in Reno v. Flores:

    The “freedom from physical restraint” invoked by respondents is not at issue in this case. Surely not in the sense of shackles, chains, or barred cells, given the Juvenile Care Agreement. Nor even in the sense of a right to come and go at will, since, as we have said elsewhere, “juveniles, unlike adults, are always in some form of custody,” and where the custody of the parent or legal guardian fails, the government may (indeed, we have said must) either exercise custody itself or appoint someone else to do so.

    This analysis would not apply to adult drug offenders. The Fourth Circuit also avoided addressing freedom from incarceration as a fundamental right in Hawkins v. Freeman:

    Hawkins’s rhetorical reference to the right as being “freedom from unjust incarceration,” and that of amicus, American Civil Liberties Union of North Carolina, as the “right to be free from arbitrary incarceration,” are issue-begging generalizations that cannot serve the inquiry. A properly precise description can, however, be found in the facts and legal authorities relied upon by Hawkins in support of his claim. From these, we deduce that the precise right asserted is that of a prisoner to remain free on erroneously granted parole so long as he did not contribute to or know of the error and has for an appreciable time remained on good behavior to the point that his expectations for continued freedom from incarceration have “crystallized.”

    Hawkins is distinguishable because it deals with an inmate whose parole was revoked. In any event, the casual dismissal as an “issue-begging generalization” flies in the face of nearly 800 years of common law tradition and over a century of Supreme Court decisions recognizing freedom from incarceration as a fundamental right. Indeed the language of the Supreme Court’s Ingraham decision supports the application of substantive due process proposed in this paper:

    While the contours of this historic liberty interest in the context of our federal system of government have not been defined precisely, they always have been thought to encompass freedom from bodily restraint and punishment. It is fundamental that the state cannot hold and physically punish an individual except in accordance with due process of law.

    The Court also stressed this fundamental liberty interest in Foucha v. Louisiana, a case involving the confinement of a person found not guilty by reason of insanity:

    Freedom from bodily restraint has always been at the core of the liberty protected by the Due Process Clause from arbitrary governmental action. “It is clear that commitment for any purpose constitutes a significant deprivation of liberty that requires due process protection.” We have always been careful not to “minimize the importance and fundamental nature” of the individual’s right to liberty.

    While the Foucha Court indicated that “a State may imprison convicted criminals for the purposes of deterrence and retribution,” the remark was dicta and did not involve any discussion of substantive limits on the police power. In Meachum v. Fano the Court made a similar remark in the context of a case dealing with prison conditions: “[G]iven a valid conviction, the criminal defendant has been constitutionally deprived of his liberty to the extent that the State may confine him.” Again there was no discussion of substantive limits on the police power. Indeed the previous sentence noted: “The Due Process Clause by its own force forbids the State from convicting any person of crime and depriving him of his liberty without complying fully with the requirements of the Clause.”

    Recently in Zadvydas v. Davis, the Court noted:

    The Fifth Amendment’s Due Process Clause forbids the Government to “depriv[e]” any “person … of … liberty … without due process of law.” Freedom from imprisonment–from government custody, detention, or other forms of physical restraint–lies at the heart of the liberty that Clause protects.

    Freedom from incarceration is not just a fundamental right. It is the one of the most fundamental of rights.

    C. Identifying the State’s Interests

    Governmental drug policy interests identified in federal statutes include “demand reduction,” “supply reduction,” and “reducing drug abuse and the consequences of drug abuse in the United States, by limiting the availability of and reducing the demand for illegal drugs.”

    Federal law sets specific goals for the National Drug Control Strategy. These include:

    “Reduction of unlawful drug use to 3 percent of the population”;

    “Reduction of adolescent unlawful drug use to 3 percent of the adolescent population”;

    “Reduction of the availability of cocaine, heroin, marijuana, and methamphetamine”;

    “Reduction of the respective nationwide average street purity levels for cocaine, heroin, marijuana, and methamphetamine”; and

    “Reduction of drug-related crime.”

    Goals are also set forth with regard to drug-related crime:

    (i) reduction of State and Federal unlawful drug trafficking and distribution; (ii) reduction of State and Federal crimes committed by persons under the influence of unlawful drugs; (iii) reduction of State and Federal crimes committed for the purpose of obtaining unlawful drugs or obtaining property that is intended to be used for the purchase of unlawful drugs; and (iv) reduction of drug-related emergency room incidents . . . .

    D. Defining “Narrow Tailoring” in the Context of Substantive Due Process

    Assuming that the governmental interests are compelling, we must determine whether the incarceration of drug offenders is narrowly tailored to achieving them. The government must show that its policy passes strict scrutiny. The concept of narrow tailoring is not well defined in the context of substantive due process, but has been fairly well defined in regard to the First Amendment and Equal Protection. Equal Protection cases also arise out of the Fourteenth Amendment. In Wygant v. Jackson Bd. of Education the Supreme Court held: “Under strict scrutiny the means chosen to accomplish the State’s asserted purpose must be specifically and narrowly framed to accomplish that purpose.” In a footnote, the Court described narrow tailoring in even further detail:

    The term “narrowly tailored,” so frequently used in our cases, has acquired a secondary meaning. More specifically, as commentators have indicated, the term may be used to require consideration of whether lawful alternative and less restrictive means could have been used. Or, as Professor Ely has noted, the classification at issue must “fit” with greater precision than any alternative means. “[Courts] should give particularly intense scrutiny to whether a nonracial approach or a more narrowly-tailored racial classification could promote the substantial interest about as well and at tolerable administrative expense.”

    It is important to note here that a policy that does not advance the government’s interests violates substantive due process regardless of how it compares with the alternatives. If it does not accomplish its purpose, logic dictates it cannot be specifically and narrowly framed to accomplish its purpose.

    E. Advancing Governmental Interests

    Congress has identified certain tools for assessing the national drug control strategy. The National Household Survey is the measure for “unlawful drug use.” Similarly, “adolescent unlawful drug use” is to be measured “by the Monitoring the Future Survey of the University of Michigan or the National PRIDE Survey conducted by the National Parents’ Resource Institute for Drug Education.” On these measures, the goals are not being reached.

    The measure of adolescent drug use that was specifically identified by Congress, illicit drug use in the past 30 days, worsened in 2001. More than 25% of US twelfth graders reported using illicit drugs in the past 30 days. That is nearly double the figure for 1992 and more than eight times the stated goal of 3%. Over 40% of 12th graders tried an illicit drug in the past year.

    The PRIDE Survey and National Household Survey show similar results.

    The drug war has also failed in its other goals. The Monitoring the Future Survey tracks how twelfth graders perceive the availability of drugs. Reducing availability is an explicit goal of the drug war. The perceived availability of marijuana in 2001 was slightly higher than in 1975. The figures for harder drugs are more disturbing. From 1975 to 1986, roughly 20% of twelfth graders said heroin was easy to get. That number shot up in the late 1980s and has remained consistently higher than 30%. Cocaine remains widely available to our youth, with nearly 50% of twelfth graders saying it is easy to get. The survey began measuring the availability of ecstasy in 1989, when only 22% of twelfth graders felt it was easy to get. In 2001, that number went over 61%, having jumped from 51% the year before.

    Drug war policies are not achieving the stated drug war goals. They cannot be “specifically and narrowly framed to accomplish their purpose” because they are not accomplishing their purpose. Drug use has not been reduced in any significant way, and levels of drug use are far above the stated goals. Our children have easy access to drugs. We can’t even keep drugs out of jails. The drug war and the incarceration of drug offenders have also failed to achieve secondary goals regarding supply, demand, purity, drug-related health problems and drug-related crime. The policy of incarcerating drug offenders does not “directly advance[] the governmental interest asserted.” The War on Drugs is not working.

    F. Alternative Means

    Even if a court is persuaded that incarceration advances the government’s interests, the government must also show that its policy choice fits better than the alternatives. Critics of the drug war encompass a broad spectrum of backgrounds, and the range of “solutions” is just as wide. Libertarians and others favor outright legalization of drugs. The legalization of marijuana is a somewhat popular variation of overall legalization, and there are other variations such as the legalization of marijuana for medical purposes and decriminalization of drugs or marijuana. Another leading approach, known as harm reduction, looks at drugs from a public health perspective.

    The effectiveness of some of these alternatives is difficult to assess. Even so, certain comparisons can be made. Advocates of treatment point to studies showing that treatment is much more effective than incarceration. Spencer notes:

    The recidivism rate for first time Dade County drug offenders was sixty percent, but for those who successfully completed the Dade County Drug Court treatment programs, the recidivism rate reported by Dade County officials was only seven percent. Drug court treatment programs are also cost effective. It costs Florida only $2,000 to put a drug offender through a drug court program, as compared to $17,000 per drug offender for incarceration. As a result, other drug court programs are being established throughout the country.

    Similarly, a Rand study found treatment to be seven times more cost-effective than current supply-control policy in reducing cocaine consumption.

    G. The Incarceration of Drug Offenders is Not Narrowly Tailored

    Incarceration involves a far greater infringement of fundamental rights than alternatives which are both more effective and less intrusive. The incarceration of offenders is not advancing the state’s asserted interests. The drug war is not narrowly tailored, failing the Supreme Court’s “established method of substantive-due-process analysis” as described by Chief Justice Rehnquist. The laws requiring the incarceration of drug offenders are therefore unconstitutional, if substantive due process analysis is applied.

    IV. CONCLUSION

    It is true that the approach suggested in this paper would limit the police power. Constitutional protection of individual rights exists for that very purpose. We face coercive government action, carried out in a corrupt and racist manner, with military and paramilitary assaults on our homes, leading to mass incarceration and innocent deaths. We can never forget the tyranny of a government unrestrained by an independent judiciary. Our courts must end the War on Drugs.

    For the full article, with endnotes, see: http://www.redlichlaw.com/crim/substantive-due-process-drug-war.pdf

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    Source by Warren Redlich

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