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Tag: Life

  • What Do You Think When You Hear The Word Success?

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    Success… It is repetitious… It is as easy as following proven steps… No different from K-12… Only difference is your education is put to the side and the knowledge of life becomes self-driven with determination. You become a part of your inner being. The old ignorant self of you begins to diminish and becomes a past erased. It becomes a tool instead of an excuse. You become a product of your environment in any circle you choose to be in…

    So should you choose to be successful, you only fraternize with like-minded people who are making a move forward. With an idea, faith, or negative changing positives. Your world and how you choose to live it is in YOUR hands. The way you choose to make your bed in the morning is how you lay in it.

    Success… It is something that is self-attainable through being involved with your own kind to build a strong case or strong foundation for which the environment you live in.

    Success… It is the reaction after you fail. Aaliyah said it best, “If at first you don’t succeed. Dust yourself off and try again.” An inspirational song with a meaningful message. It is what I call the dreamer anthem. Humans make mistakes or take wrong turns in life. It is how they articulate a new path and trying to distinguish a stop sign from a freeway.

    Let’s face it; it’s easier to get on the freeway to get somewhere. More gas for your mile and more time spent doing other things.

    The back roads are for leisure.

    You have to be willing to leverage you. Leverage the work with a team as a collective energy.

    Success… It is a building. It can be your cardboard box, your cottage or mansion. Depending on your goals and how you obtain the building materials to house your mission.

    I have been reading, The 250 Personal Finance Questions Everyone Should Ask, the author Peter Sander types the question, “What personal character traits are required for financial success?” Then he goes on to mention a few simple steps. Awareness is a key component to keeping track of your current finances. Step two, have the Commitment to carry out the plan that you put in place. Finally, in step three he mentions Control, the most important tool because temptations are the devil (Bobby Bouchey voice)… LOL! In a sentence or two he mentions how you have to look at the bigger picture of your plan.

    One powerful book to sit down and read.

    Success… It has a following. It is your Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram to life. Of course it filters out the nonsense. You can’t bring all of Yo momma this and into your life but, the concept is merely a metaphor. People who follow you they follow you because they are attracted to your content. You become a brand. You have the appearance of success. Your following goes where you go.

    Lastly, Success… It is a lifestyle. It’s how you wake up in the morning. It is the way you stare at yourself in the mirror. It is type of food that your body takes in. It is the way you risk your life for happiness. You can be anything you want to be. You have to make the decision for YOU. Everything in life starts with you. “Life is what you make it.” So live in 2013 making your actions ring and you will be rewarded with a feeling that can’t be replaced by money any day. I’m going to end this with a great quote.

    “Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a successful personality and duplicate it. “

    -Bruce Le

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    Source by Tyshaun M Taylor

    Views: 0

  • My Backyard Mechanic is Getting Rich!

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    I kid you not… my backyard mechanic (my younger brother) is getting sooo rich from just listening to a little bit of the news. You see he’s a jack of all trades, and very good in all of them. From buying run-down homes and renovating them, to flipping them for a huge profit… to fixing everybody’s broken down cars. I mean who wants to pay a local garage $80 an hour to change brake pads? But this is not what it’s about! This is even easier!

    Imagine that you’re pretty handy with your hands in just about everything. As he puts it… if you can screw a lightbulb, patch a whole in the wall, change a tire, put up shelves, then anyone can do this.

    He knows a good thing when he sees one, and finds every which way possible to profit like crazy on what the masses are complaining about. He finds the solution, applies it to his own life, and shows everybody how they too can do what I’m about to tell you.

    What do you think the biggest mass grievance is in the world today? You guessed it… gas prices. Here’s what he did exactly!

    He converted his car to run half on water and half on gas using the technology that is now available, with a simple $20 kit. From there, he had two simple magnetic signs made up for each side of his car, which states “RUNS ON WATER [http://www.runyourcaronwater.jon-michel.com]” and with his phone number. He also created a flyer in “Word”, and went to his local photocopy shop and had 500 copies printed out. That cost him about $10. He had some young local girls and boys drop these off in mailboxes and gave them a few bucks to do it.

    Within a week, his phone started ringing and never lets up. He charges $150. a car plus the kit, for work that takes him a couple of hours. On a good day, he manages 4 cars a day. On a bad day, he’ll stop at two or three. Now do the math and tell me this isn’t worth it!

    He has now found a young 17 year old to help him keep up with the demand. He figures it’s just what he needed, because it’s so profitable, that it allows him to expand in other things. No wonder my little brother takes more trips to Hawaii than the average lawyer or doctor. Making money fast has always been a given to him. Entrepreneurship is where it’s at!

    This is a great way of making money fast to finance other ventures.

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    Source by Jonathan G. Michel

    Views: 0

  • Lottery Millionaires – How Many People Win at Least a Million Dollars Every Year?

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    What do these people have in common: George Martinek, Susan Hannoun, Lori Boyle, Bernadette Gietka, Neal Wanless, and Bob Guerzon? Answer: They are all lottery millionaires. They, along with thousands of people every year, defy the odds and win the lotto jackpot. We hear about jackpot winners every week on the news. But have you ever considered how many new millionaires are created by the lottery each year? How many people win at least a million dollars?

    According to the TLC television show, “The Lottery Changed My Life,” more than 1600 new lottery millionaires are created each year. That doesn’t include people that have won jackpots of, say, $100,000 because than the number would be much higher. Still, 1600 is quite a high number.

    If 1600 win at least a million in the lotto every year, it means that there are more than 130 each month, more than 30 each week, and more than 4 each day. That’s a lot of winners.

    Perhaps you’re inspired by these numbers. Perhaps you think that since there are so many big lottery winners, you’re time will come one day. I don’t mean to crash the party, but perhaps you should think again. The odds of winning a million dollar jackpot are bad. 1600 yearly jackpot winners isn’t that big of a number when you consider how many people actually play. Hundreds of millions of people buy billions of lottery tickets each year and only a small fraction of those people actually win a big jackpot.

    Don’t get discouraged, though. The lottery is a game of random luck and you might get lucky one day and become a new lottery millionaire. Good luck!

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    Source by Tino Sundin

    Views: 0

  • True Love Needs to Be Tested Before it Can Claim to Be True Love

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    Showing True Love:

    Love is not a mere emotion. Instead, true love requires an action that can demonstrate that love. Affection is an emotion that is only one ingredient of love, but emotions fly back and forth with situations and hormones.

    I recently watched a movie where a guy was broken up from his girlfriend and came into his apartment to find a supermodel taking a shower in his bathroom. His physical cravings ragged with desire for physical pleasure and the temptation was strong because his girlfriend had already broke things off with him anyway. He truly loved his ex-girlfriend and fled from the sexual temptation he was experiencing and immediately called his ex-girlfriend on the phone in order to refocus his attention back toward faithfulness. One of his first statements to her on the phone was, “I didn’t realize how much I love you until just a couple minutes ago.”

    It Takes Follow Through:

    After the phone call was over the supermodel continued to seduce the guy, but because of his situation he was unable to leave. Her continuous physical advances only intensified for several scenes until eventually he was able to change the situation. In most movies the guy eventually gives in and falls to the temptations that pursue him. In the end he apologizes and is accepted again by the one he claims to have real love for.

    I am infuriated by the lie that is spread through scenes where someone gives in to sexual temptation and then claims to have true love. The reality is that the one who forgave the sinner and accepted the sinner back is the one who is demonstrating true love.

    I was very excited to find a scene that emphasized true love through a demonstration of faithfulness. The most powerful part of his faithfulness is expressed in the fact that the one he truly loved was not showing love back to him.

    True love does not happen at first sight. Love does not become true until it is tested and only then does the heat impart into that love strength like tempered steel.

    What is Testing?

    There is a very important message to learn here that I hope you pay close attention to. The test of true love is NOT a test to see whether or not your love for someone is true. The test is a step of the process that takes mere affection and makes the love become true.

    Many people will experience affection and then later lose the emotions and say, “oh well, I guess I was wrong and the love wasn’t true like I thought it was.” Then they give up and move on to the next “true love” and eventually fail again and keep trying on new relationships for size. With this strategy you will never find true love because true love is only found on the other side of faithful follow-through.

    If your heart desires true love then you must wait until the affection of your first relationship is gone and then force yourself to remain faithful even if it takes your whole life. Then your love will eventually be tempered into true love that will fill you with satisfaction that is millions of times more awesome than all the other weak loves put together.

    Trust me, It’s worth it!

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    Source by David Josh Burns

    Views: 0

  • The Catcher in the Rye: Mental Health Services and Social Connections for Children

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    The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger, was required reading for my tenth grade English class. I remembered it as a story about the struggles of adolescence, the yearning for independence, and the reluctance to let go of youth. My son is now about the same age as I was when I read the book and we are living through his own nudge for independence, which sparked my interest to give the story another read. Before I began, I wondered what my take on the book would be at this point in life having survived adolescence and received training and experience in child development in addition to having a teen in the house. This reading accentuated the unresolved grief, family dysfunction, mental illness, and lack of social connectedness of the main character, Holden Caulfield, and how these difficulties exacerbate the issues experienced during the typical maturational process. As the country still debates gun control laws in the aftermath of Sandy Hook, and as we try to recover from the Boston Marathon bombing, The Catcher in the Rye reminds us about the importance of developing meaningful and genuine connections with our children and the need to address their mental health issues.

    The Catcher in the Rye begins as a flashback story about Holden Caulfield’s experiences leading up to his nervous breakdown prior to Christmas. Holden narrates the story while receiving inpatient psychological treatment on the west coast. The events begin at Pencey Prep in Pennsylvania, where Holden has been expelled due to poor academic performance, and conclude in New York City as Holden attempts to return home. During the course of his journey, Holden attempts to make connections with a number of people however, he fails miserably due to his social ineptitude, lack of appropriate treatment for what may possibly be bipolar disorder, and inability to believe that other people are capable of being genuine. Holden eventually makes it home and connects with his younger sister. By that time he has decompensated to the point that, even though he is no longer experiencing suicidal ideations, he feels disconnected, misunderstood, and alone. Holden decides that he is going to go away, to escape from society and the rejection, the loneliness, and the pain that he feels. However, Holden makes one last trip to see his sister Phoebe before he disappears. Phoebe’s caring, anger, and innocence provide Holden with the connection he is looking for; she is both a peer and dependent to him. Through Phoebe, Holden is able to cling to his childhood and put off making the leap to young adulthood and independence.

    One theme that I was more attuned to during this reading was the unspoken dysfunction of the Caulfield family. Holden frequently compares himself to his younger, deceased brother, whom he describes as brilliant and athletic, as well as his older brother, who has become a successful author. It is suggested that Holden is a challenging child, and somewhat of a disappointment to his parents as he has been unable to live up to their expectations. He has been expelled from at least four preparatory schools due to poor academic performance, he has difficulty socially connecting with others, and he has frequent mood swings. It is possible that Holden’s parents were drained from watching their youngest son battle with leukemia which left them with little strength to effectively deal with Holden’s grief and potential disability. In Holden’s eyes, they appear to have emotionally and physically divested themselves from him. He has little to no emotional family support and what appears to be very little communication with them. Holden is left adrift to navigate this tumultuous time in his life without support, understanding, and treatment. His efforts to reach out and communicate, including failing out of schools and getting into fights, are not understood as cries for help but are seen as personal shortcomings.

    Holden perceives most people as being phony, superficial, and hypercritical. This may in part be due to his social awkwardness, lack of maturity, and feeling of being abandoned by his parents. He is continuously let down by everyone that he reaches out to for help as they either don’t live up to what Holden has built up in his mind, or they try to take advantage of him. Therefore, Holden comes to believe that everyone is phony who doesn’t or is incapable of meeting his preconceived expectations. In addition, Holden clearly experiences moments of mania during the story, which are often followed by feelings of sadness to the point where he does express some suicidal thoughts. It seems that the lack of communication with his parents, the unresolved grief and guilt over the death of his brother, and the inability to effectively and appropriately connect with others result in Holden being unable to interact with others on anything but a superficial level. The exception to this is Phoebe. Her reluctance to let her brother leave provides Holden with the strength to go home and ask for help. However, in the end, Holden continues to suffer from a lack of love and feelings of loneliness. He states, “Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.” At this point, Holden continues to find it difficult to have genuine, meaningful relationships believing that when you open up to people that they will turn away from you in order to keep the relationship on a superficial level. Holden continues to be plagued by this emotional void and, while there is a hunger for social connectedness, he will continue to experience emptiness and rejection due to his quirkiness.

    For me, reading The Catcher in the Rye in high school highlighted the struggle for independence and Holden’s war on hypocrisy. On this reading, I was able to obtain a better understanding of the tragedy that occurs as a result of Holden’s parents being unable to provide him the emotional support that he needs to overcome his brother’s death and deal with his mental health needs. Holden’s repeated failure to socially connect and develop a meaningful relationship with anyone other than his sister and the lack of treatment for his mental health issues made me think of the recent tragedies in Colorado, Sandy Hook, and Boston. It reinforced the need to take mental health needs and services seriously; just because these conditions are unseen doesn’t mean that they aren’t debilitating. Feeling cared for and connected to others reduces the stress, stigma, and isolation that are associated with these conditions. It made me wonder whether these tragedies could have been avoided if the people involved had received appropriate therapy and treatment. They may have felt connected and accepted, and these tragedies may have been avoided. The message of being accepted and cared for from The Catcher in the Rye continues to be relevant to young people today as we all strive for acceptance.

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    Source by David Pino

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  • Free Sex Is The Most Expensive

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    Have you ever had free sex? By free sex I mean one night stand sex, friends with benefits sex, we both know this isn’t going anywhere sex. How about now? You’ve probably never thought about it however, free sex maybe the most expensive sex you will ever have. It may cost you ever seeing your grandchildren, ever seeing your children; spending the last of your days alone…

    Have you ever met the perfect person? The dream person or are you still waiting to meet the perfect person? I submit we have all met the perfect person. the challenge is when the perfect person becomes the imperfect person. When they do something we don’t like, when they hurt us, when they don’t call us back, when they let us down.

    Everyone is perfect for the first 90 days it’s called the perfect phase. Some people live continually in the perfect phase. They’re called 90 day wonders. They meet someone, on the first day they have sex and every day thereafter. They spend all their time together. Until somewhere around the 90th day the perfect person becomes the imperfect person and they WONDER what happened.

    Then they call their forgotten best friend you; everyday, heartbroken, can’t believe it didn’t work out, convinced they can’t get over it until suddenly you don’t hear from them. Do you know what happened? They met another perfect person. On and on they go chasing mirage after mirage until at the end of their days they look back and the don’t see their grandchildren, they don’t see their children; and they spend the last of their days alone…

    Do you know what a man gives up when he commits, when he marries? Besides all the perfect free sex he thinks he could be having if he wasn’t married. Irresponsibility. He takes on responsibility; for others. Do you know what a woman gives up? Besides George Clooney. Independence.

    Together they form a interdependence. They commit to the relationship with an imperfect person. Then at the end of their days when they look back. They see their grandchildren, they see their children and at the end of their days they see each other.They’re not alone.

    Virtue and integrity are the foundations of love and a well lived life. The only way you know you love yourself or anyone else is by the commitments you are willing to make and keep. Sex is great it inspires us however love brings us home.

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    Source by James Allen Hanrahan

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  • Review of Secrets of Self-Made Millionaire Book by Adam Khoo

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    This is the first Adam Khoo book I bought, and it really caught my attention. I have heard of Adam Khoo on numerous occasions and wonder what he is like running a few successful businesses making him a self-made millionaire.

    Adam did not immediately dive in to explain the methods he used to achieve great wealth. Instead, he explained how self-made millionaires think which allows them to see opportunities where others see problems. Once you adopt the habits of a millionaire, a whole new world will begin to open to you and is fundamental to wealth creation.

    The next fundamental aspect I learned from Adam about wealth creation is to set crystal clear financial goals. All of the millionaires, billionaires in the world have at some stage of their life decided that they wanted to be rich. From there, the rich will create high level financial goals for themselves to reach within a certain time frame and a specific whole figure is often used as their target. Lets say you want to increase your monthly income to a higher figure, you need to change your strategy.

    With the goals and target set, you create a plan and execute it accordingly. If your goal is to achieve a targeted portfolio, in your plan you will provide how much you need to save and invest each month along with the rate of returns to reach your target in the allocated time frame. If your goal is to increase your monthly income, in your plan you will provide the methods of increasing your primary income source along with any other income source you need to start anew.

    With the financial plan created, you will find that it is going to be a steep uphill task to achieve the targets set in your plan. Many people give up without achieving their dreams. How do you increase your income at the rate that will allow you to achieve your targets? That’s where Adam teaches us how to massively increase our income in any career along with creating a home based internet business.

    Increasing your income in only one side of the coin. The other side of the coin is to reduce expenses. Many people get into serious debt no matter how much income they earned because they failed to manage their expenses, spending more than they earn. It is even easier to get into debt when salespeople from banks constantly push you to sign up for their credit cards. Adam illustrates the essential money skills you need to have and how to reduce expenses without lowering your current standard of living.

    When you increase your income and reduce your expenses, you will have surplus funds. We have to put this surplus funds to work for us instead of just working hard and saving alone which will not make us wealthy. Using the theory of compounding, you can turn small amounts of money into a huge amount over time with discipline. All rich people use investment vehicles to help them create their wealth and the stock market is one such vehicle. They understand both the risk and returns of the stock market allowing them to achieve returns in the range of 15%-25%.

    Last but not least we need to know how to protect our wealth after spending so much time and effort to build it. Unforeseen circumstances can happen and wipe out our wealth if we are not prepared for it. The rich always engage experts to help them protect their wealth from unscrupulous people.

    I highly recommend Adam Khoo’s Secrets of self-made millionaires if you want to learn how to build extraordinary wealth using multiple sources of income. Many areas of his book have exercises for you to practice what he has taught to accelerate your wealth creation. Get his book now!

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    Source by Raymond Heng

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  • Mindset: A Summary

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    Dr. Carol S. Dweck was challenged by her student to write a book on the results of years of their research study. Dr. Carol S. Dweck rose to the occasion and has written this book, “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, and How we can Learn to Fulfill Our Potential” in the hope that it will help the ordinary human being understand that life is what you make it and not what was dealt to you at birth. She has written in simple language giving examples of ordinary real people like herself and her students, artists like Picasso, sportsmen like Michael Jordan, the basketball player and John McEnroe the tennis player, Marina Semyonova the great Russian dance instructor and CEOs of different companies to name a few. In the third paragraph of her introduction she writes, “… you’ll learn how a simple belief about yourself… guides a large part of your life… In fact it permeates every part of your life… ” Thus she draws the reader into the book, making the reader one of her real life examples as the reader finds himself or herself in these examples.

    Dr. Dweck introduces the two types of mindsets, the fixed mindset and the growth mindset in the first section of the book. She writes how she learned from ten year old kids that failure could be turned into a gift if you had the right mindset. By giving them hard puzzles to work on, the kids cultivated their intellectual skills through effort and did not give up. These kids became her role models in her pursuit of whether human qualities are things that can be cultivated or are things curved in stone. Each person has a unique genetic endowment but experience, training, and personal effort take them the rest of the way.

    Dr. Dweck’s twenty years of research has shown that the view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life. She writes that, if you believe that your qualities and traits are curved in stone and cannot be changed then you have a fixed mindset. And if you believe that cherished qualities and traits can be developed and cultivated then you have a growth mindset.

    Fixed mindset people believe that an individual’s intelligence, quality and traits are a fixed quantity which cannot be increased. If they are doing well in school then they are smarter than the others who are not doing well. If they do well in sports then they have talent dealt them at birth. They spend time to prove that they are better in the qualities dealt to them just to prove they were dealt a healthy dose and that they are not deficient. If something doesn’t work for fixed mindset people they always blame it on something else.

    Growth mindset people work hard to do better always. They do not sit back and see their accomplishments as the final goal. In their minds there is always room for improvement. They have no time to sit and see themselves as the best or better than others. They have no time to sit and think that they have a special talent. They are busy thinking of how they can make it better and what changes they can make if something expected did not go right. To them if something doesn’t go right it’s not failure it is a challenge to find out ways to make it happen.

    In the second section of the book, Dr.Dweck, takes us through her research journey of fixed mindset and a journey of growth mindset through several sets of eyes. Showing how these two mindsets make or break people in their daily lives. In individual sports she gives an example of John McEnroe fixed mindset in tennis. He was a brilliant player who believed on talent not effort and working hard. When he didn’t win he blamed it on something else. Like when he blamed the system for not liking the game any more. He would not take responsibility. Micheal Jordan on the other hand has a growth mindset. If he missed a goal he would go and practice for several hours trying to figure out why he missed it In team sport the author gives an example of Couch John Wooden who was tactically and strategically average but went on to win ten national championships. Coach Wooden a growth mindset, tells us he was good at getting players to fill roles as part of a team. He cared about the feelings of the players. Fixed mindset like Coach Bobby Knight picked players for talent. He was an excellent coach but used the dictator approach to win. The winning were short lived and broke individuals’ characters in the process.

    In corporate companies the author uses General Electric CEO, Jack Welch, as the fixed mindset who managed to humble himself to a growth mindset and as he grew in his mindset the company grew at the same time. Lee Iacocca whose fixed mind set is good to bring the company up to the top in a hurry but then you need to get rid of him before he breaks it. Ford motor company did just that and Lee Iacocca was not happy. Fixed mindsets leaders are more concerned with being heroes and put their ego before the welfare of the company. The author gives example of Enron as a company that broke in the hands fixed mindset high echelon smart people. Enron employed smart people with talent and paid the maximum price of closing the company. Enron is a good example of groupthink where executives get carried away with their brilliance and superiority and make catastrophic decisions.

    In love, these two mindsets can make or break a relationship. In her research, Dr. Dweck, found out that fixed mindsets feel judged and labeled by rejection in a break up. They also chose revenge as a means to get at the person who hurt them. Growth mindsets chose to forgive, learn from it and move on. The author gives Hilary Clinton as an example who forgave her husband and went to canceling in order to save her relationship. Time and effort is needed to cultivate the emotional skills that are needed to keep a relationship.

    Dr. Dweck, ends this third section with the influence that parents’, teachers’ and coaches’ mindsets have on children that are under their care. In her research she found out that children interpret the caregivers words of support and encouragement in a fixed mindset approach. This sets them up for failure. For example, “… You learned that so quickly! You are so smart… ” is interpreted as “… If I don’t learn something quickly, I’m not smart… ” She explains that parents, teachers and coaches should refrain from giving praise that judges their intelligence or talent but praise them for the work that they put in. She goes on to say parents, teachers, and coaches need to give equal time and attention to the children regardless of their initial skills. The children will in turn give all and blossom. The author points out, “… As parents, teachers, and coaches we are entrusted with peoples’ lives. They are our responsibility and our legacy… “

    In the fourth section of the book, Dr. Dweck, embarks on the most gratifying part of her work, watching people change. People are not conscious or aware of their beliefs. Dr Aaron Beck, a psychiatrist, discovered that he could teach them how to work with and change these beliefs. And cognitive therapy, one of the most effective therapies ever developed, was born. Dr Dweck, used workshops to probe the way people of fixed mindsets dealt with information they were receiving. She found that they put a strong evaluation on each piece of information. Something good led to a very strong positive label and something bad led to a very strong negative label. People with growth mindset are also constantly monitoring what’s going on, but their internal monologue is not about judging themselves or others. They are sensitive to positive and negative information, but they are attuned to it’s implications for learning and constructive action. Dr. Dweck also had workshop for students. The workshops require a large staff to deliver the material. So the workshop material was put on interactive computer modules. The teachers guide their classes through the modules, and called it Braintology. These mindset workshops put students in charge of their brain.

    It is interesting to note how a simple characteristic like a mindset affects decision making in a wide spectrum of the population. A student in kindergarten, a CEO in billion dollar company, a surgeon at work in a hospital, a sportsman at practice and on the court, a chef at a high end hotel, selection of dance students and a sport team. College students drop classes or drop out of school due to having a fixed mindset. A growth mindset helps you learn to deal with anger, and deal with stereotypes in racial and gender discrimination. It’s quite fascinating.

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    Source by Nancy Maina

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  • My Husband Says He’s Miserable With Me and Isn’t Sure He Wants to Be Married – Insights to Help

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    Over the weekend, I received some correspondence from a wife who had noticed her husband acting cold and distant all weekend. He seemed to be picking fights, was clearly on edge and was showing body language and postures which indicated that something was very wrong. Of course, the wife asked him what was bothering him and he proceeded to answer with phrases like “nothing,” or “it’s just a bad day.”

    The wife was not happy with these responses and continued to press. The husband proceeded to withdrawal and act defensive. Finally, after the wife continued to follow him around and nag him, he angrily blurted out “can’t you see I’m miserable with you? If it weren’t for the kids, I’m not sure if I’d even want to be married to you.” The wife later regretted her response (which was to tell the husband that being married to him was no picnic either.)

    Later when they both calmed down, she asked him if he really meant what he said. The husband took a deep breath and said “I really don’t want to hurt you, but yes, I’m just not happy. I don’t know if it’s healthy for either of us to remain married.” The wife wanted my advice as to how she should proceed or act around him as he was clearly determined to sulk and complain. I will tell you what I told her in the following article.

    Determining What Responsibility A Wife Has In Her Husband’s Misery: The wife admitted that things weren’t perfect in her marriage. In fact, she had felt a distance growing in her marriage for some time. However, she would have never guessed that her husband was as miserable as he said he was. She suspected that he was projecting some disappointment and misery in other areas of his life and from his work onto their marriage.

    She may well have been right. This is actually quite a common occurrence. Much of the misery that he was feeling may not have initiated with her, but what was more important than it’s origin was the fact that he was equating his negative feelings with her and with the marriage. This may well be very unfair and even quite inaccurate. But, like it or not, this was her reality today and even she admitted that the marriage could use some improvement.

    So, while much of this may not have been her fault, there were certainly areas that she could address and improve. In a marriage that is working well, the spouse who is having issues with his job, his life, or his family will typically find solace and comfort in his spouse – rather than blaming her for the problem. The fact that he was doing just that indicated that there was a lot of room for improvement.

    So while the responsibility for the husband’s misery very likely did not lie totally with the wife, there was some opportunity to provide support and to let him know that she was there for him, willing to listen, and willing to help him in any way that she could – which is probably exactly what she would want for him to do if the roles were reversed.

    Beginning To Make Improvements In Your Marriage When You Husband Wants To Remain Alone In Being Miserable: When I explained some of these things with the wife, she was a bit resistant. She said that he was moping around so much that he might trip on his bottom lip. Granted, it can be hard to approach someone like this. But, she had pretty much been either ignoring him or trying to convince him either that he wasn’t as miserable as he thought, or that, if he was, this was his fault and not hers.

    Although this strategy is understandable, it’s not usually the most effective. The first step would be to calmly bring this out into the open and say your peace in a positive way that doesn’t continue to encourage or elicit his negative emotions. She might start by saying something like “I’m very sorry that you’re so unhappy right now. I love you and want for you to be happy. If there’s anything that I can do to help with this, I’m more than willing to do that. I can listen. I can offer support. I can make some shifts and changes if that’s what you need, but I can’t read your mind. Are you willing to talk about this so that we can come up with a plan to make this better?”

    I had no way to predict how the husband was going to react. I can tell you from previous experiences that some husbands will continue on with the negative act and say things like “it’s too late,” or “there’s nothing that you can do now.” Some men, though will begin to meet you half way even in the beginning. No matter what reaction you get, it’s very important that you respond in a positive manner. If they lash out, reply that you’re sorry to hear that and again offer your support. Eventually as you remain calm, supportive, and positive, it will become harder and harder to remain negative when you refuse to engage them.

    If they do tell you some things that might help, by all means meet them half way and do what you can to make things better. Although not all of this is your fault, it will only benefit both you and your marriage if you can lighten the tension, begin to identify and work on the issues, and to be the spouse that you would want your husband to be to you if the roles were reversed. If you can do this, it’s highly likely that all of the “ending the marriage” talk will begin to eventually lessen also.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

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  • A Healthy Dose of Medicine for the Soul

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    A large segment of the human population takes things way too seriously for their own good. The strange anomaly is that most people laugh at the wrong thing and fail to laugh at the right thing. This serious incongruity has robbed people of a healthy attitude towards life in general.

    Those who take life too seriously are in danger of missing the great joys of living in a crazy world like ours. I am not sure about the scientific research but I would guess that for every sad moment it takes one hundred laughs to balance the books. Some people are about ninety-nine laughs short of a real sane moment.

    I like the old English proverb that says, “Laugh and the whole world laughs with you, cry and you cry alone.”

    From my perspective, if you cannot laugh with someone you will not be able to cry with him or her and have it mean anything.

    According to some medical advice, it takes more facial muscles and energy to frown than it does to smile. Of course, the only exercise some people have is frowning and who am I to take that away from them.

    I am determined, no matter what, to exercise my right to smile and laugh and enjoy the world around me. I must confess that I get this attitude quite honestly.

    My paternal grandfather was a Past Master in the area of practical jokes. No amount of time was too much to spend preparing for one of his famous practical jokes. His favorite holiday was April 1 and began preparing for this holiday right after Christmas.

    The fact that his practical jokes at times got him into trouble did not seem to affect him at all.

    Once while in the hospital for an extended period he had somebody smuggle in to him a can of snuff. For some reason he liked chewing snuff. It is the most disgusting habit I know of on earth.

    He no sooner received his smuggled goods then he began chewing it. If you know anything about chewing snuff, you know it is accompanied by a lot of spitting. As usual, his timing was impeccable. Just as the head nurse passed his door and looked in, he leaned over and spit in to the garbage can he had next to his bed. The nurse, not knowing about the chewing snuff, thought he was spitting blood and immediately went into emergency mode. Immediately my grandfather was rushed into the operating room and the surgeon and medical team were assembled.

    My grandfather was very sick at the time. Some did not think he would get out of the hospital.

    Just as they got him situated in the operating room he pulled from under his sheet his can of chewing snuff and smiled at them. The only person in the room that thought this was in any way amusing was my grandfather. The doctors were so angry with him that they refused to see him for three days and confiscated his can of chewing snuff.

    My aunt and uncle lived right next to my grandfather. My aunt was hyper clean when it came to her house. Dirt in any form was not welcome under her roof. She had a broom that was always within reach because she never knew when a piece of dirt would try to invade her domicile.

    That year my grandfather found something new. I am not sure where he found it but he probably spent a lot of time looking for something like this. It was a rubber facsimile of a very nasty looking piece of vomit. To him it was a prized possession.

    Most of his practical jokes were executed on April 1. Whenever we saw grandfather coming on this particular day we usually ran for cover.

    He went over to visit my aunt and was sitting on the couch in the living room. They chatted for a little while and then my grandfather began to cough a little bit. He said to my aunt, “I haven’t been feeling good lately. I really don’t know what it is.” Then he started to cough a little more seriously, to which, my aunt got up and went to the kitchen to get him a glass of water thinking that might help him.

    When she got back, she was shocked to see on her new coffee table a very horrible sight. My grandfather was bent over the coffee table hacking and coughing as though he was in the process of dying. On the coffee table was a very nasty looking piece of vomit.

    My aunt went into hysterics. She whirled around and within a moment had grabbed her broom and started towards my grandfather. My grandfather was laughing but not for long.

    Suddenly he realized that the flailing broom in my aunt’s hand was aimed at him. She chased him out of the house, down the driveway and for at least three blocks yelling obscenities at him that I dare not repeat in public society.

    Laughter is the fresh air of the soul. Even the Bible thinks so.

    “A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken” (Proverbs 15:13). And, my favorite, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones” (Proverbs 17:22).

    I recommend a healthy dose of medicine for your soul.

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    Source by James Snyder

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