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  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

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    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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    Source by Mandy Peterson

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  • Sports Figures, Drugs, and America’s Drug Problem

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    There have been a lot of sports figures in the news recently as a result of drugs. Most recently, Alex Rodriguez has been accused of steroid use. This was a major story as he appeared to be one of only a handful of “clean” baseball heroes of recent times. Just prior to the Rodriguez scandal was the Phelps scandal. If you are one of the three people in the country that haven’t heard, he had been photographed smoking marijuana from a bong. And drugs and sports grabbing headlines doesn’t stop there, as recent articles on Fox Sports have discussed steroid use among the 70’s Steelers, and the recent arrest of Corie Blount, a former NBA player, who was allegedly caught with 29 pounds of marijuana. There was also the arrest of Jacksonville Jaguar former first round pick Matt Jones for cocaine possession early in last year’s football season.

    An interesting article I read on the Phelps scandal was by sometimes controversial sports writer Jason Whitlock. In the article he challenges what some saw as a racial double standard, and even briefly discusses some of the issues with this country’s war on drugs. His article is related to some of the material I use in the course I teach on “The Psychology of Drugs and Drug Abuse.” I show highlights of a documentary called “American Drug War: The Last White Hope.” This film does a good job (although biased at times) of showing the dark side of this war on drugs.

    As an example of America’s misperception of the drug problem, were you aware that tobacco kills more people than all other drugs combined, including alcohol? According to Hart, Ksir, and Ray, smoking is responsible for about 440,000 premature deaths per year. In comparison, alcohol is responsible for at least 20,000 accidental deaths per year, and up to 75,000 in this country when you combine accidental deaths (car accidents, boating accidents, falls, etc.) and deaths from the ill affects on the body (cirrhosis, heart disease, etc.). And these numbers far surpass the deaths from illegal drugs (10-20,000 per year). In fact, illegal drugs kill less Americans then the misuse of prescription drugs. (I had difficulty getting accurate data on prescription drug deaths as a result of misuse, but most articles and sources make it clear that prescription drug misuse causes more deaths per year than illegal drugs).

    According to the documentary I mentioned earlier, some of the contributors to the war on drugs are the companies from the tobacco and alcohol industries. Additionally, this documentary uses interviews with former government officials to substantiate the claim that the war on drugs has been a colossal failure. Street drugs today are more plentiful, more pure, and cheaper. So what has the war on drugs accomplished? According to statistics, it has resulted in approximately 50% of the incarcerated population being jailed for non-violent drug crimes.

    The point is that there are some real misconceptions about the substance abuse problem in this country. Perhaps we are paying attention to the wrong things. Rather than paying attention to cuts in funding for substance abuse rehabilitation, or to the incarceration of non-violent drug offenders, we seem much more concerned with our appointed heroes gaining an advantage in a sport they get paid huge amounts of money to play. Or in someone we have chosen to put on a pedestal, (a 23y/o at that) for letting us down by using marijuana at a college party. We are worried about street drugs, including marijuana, when prescription drug abuse is causing far more damage. And we wouldn’t think of making tobacco or alcohol illegal, despite the fact it causes far more health and welfare problems than illegal substances.

    Don’t we contribute to the sports worship issue? Don’t we make sports figures heroes and role-models, perhaps even more so than more worthy role-models? Don’t we make sports the business it is today, by buying the jerseys, paying the ticket prices, watching the games on television, and making sports the market that it is? Aren’t we quick to dethrone someone who makes a mistake, as if perfection is the only standard we’ll accept?

    I am not pro-drugs. I am not sure if I am pro legalization; I would have to give the issue more thought, and I’m not even sure I’m qualified to voice an opinion. But I am certain we are looking in the wrong directions when we look at drugs in this country. I am hoping it is time for a change: a change which finds all individuals seeking self actualization without the need for a substance; a time where compassion rules, rather than self-righteous indignation. I don’t believe many of us are going to get self actualized or become enlightened watching sports on television. But it is a nice distraction sometimes. How about that Superbowl?

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    Source by William Berry

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  • 6 Bad Habits That Affect Baseball and Softball Hitters

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    One of the most common complaints from players is the lack of power behind the plate. No matter what philosophy of hitting you believe in, none of them will help you reach your greatest potential if these top 6 bad habits are not stopped in their tracks. This is true for baseball and girls’ softball. If you have any of these bad habits, ridding yourself of them will automatically increase power and bat speed.

    Smushing the Bug

    If you were taught to smush the bug, you have dug yourself into a hole. Smushing the Bug involves a small muscle movement that reduces power and bat speed. Some hitters are taught to twist or turn their back foot to create more bat speed and power in the swing. Nothing can be farther than the truth. Additionally, it is nearly impossible for you to hit middle or outside pitches with the sweet spot of the bat if you have a spinning back foot problem. A sure pop out! This is the most major of these six diseases because it also throws off your balance. This bad habit needs to be fixed right away, but it’s not easy.

    Correction: Try swinging the bat while your back foot is planted flat on the ground. See if you can swing without moving your back heel off the ground. Also, it may be helpful to work on hitting outside pitches off of the tee. This will help you hit from your heels and keep that foot from spinning too soon.

    Bat Wrapper

    This common bad habit affects batters who were trained in the “back elbow up” theory. If your back elbow goes up when getting your weight back, the bat will start to wrap around your head and throw off the timing of the swing, ultimately adversely effecting power and bat speed.

    Correction: In your stance, bring the elbow down right away. If this doesn’t work and your elbow keeps popping up, lay the bat back in your top hand when you move your hands and weight back. This should help prevent the bat from wrapping around your head. You should iron this out by practicing this correction technique until you’re confident that the habit is broken. This disease is most likely going to keep coming back, so monitor it and drill it out of your system!

    Back leg collapse

    This disease is pretty serious and must be addressed. When that back leg collapses, you lose all of the power in your big muscles, and your eyes and head do too much bobbing. This type of batter pops out a lot!

    Correction: Stay as tall as possible in your stance and when swinging the bat for power.

    If that doesn’t work, do some swinging drills where you swing off your back leg only. If it collapses, you’ll fall down swinging. Remember, stay tall and hit the ball!

    Head Diver

    This player was led to believe that if he dives his head near the contact zone, he’ll see the ball better. This action causes your eyes to move off the ball path and throws you off balance. It also locks up the large muscles and prevents power and bat speed production.

    Correction: Concentrate on thrusting your back muscles. If you’re a head diver, you’re trying too hard to hit the ball with your eyes instead of letting your body bring your hands to the ball. “Crack your back” and keep your head behind the ball. It is nearly impossible to have any kind of power or bat speed when you are off balance. Once you contact the ball, remember that it’s OK to let your head come off of the ball for a complete follow-through!

    Bent Lead Arm

    If hitters’ are swinging slightly up and popping up often, you can look to see if their lead arm is bending too much at the start of their swing. This problem is rare, but easy to fix.

    Correction: All you need to do is concentrate on keeping the lead arm straighter when starting your swing. Most advanced or experienced hitters will not have this problem, but it’s something to be aware of. Remember; only make adjustments when the ball is not flying like it should in batting practice. If you’re hitting rockets and your lead arm bends a little, then who cares? In the swing, the lead arm will usually straighten at first and then possibly bend at contact depending on pitch location (Especially the low pitch).

    Twister

    The hitter who twists his upper torso while getting his weight back before he swings will have problems hitting the ball. There is way too much eye movement and upper body movement when the hitter has this problem. This throws your timing and swing path out of synch.

    Correction: This is a rare disease that can be cured by religiously practicing getting your weight back without turning your shoulders. Your hands should move straight back without the shoulder turning much. It makes a big difference!

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    Source by Mike Huber

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  • Affairs: How to Heal After an Affair

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    Affairs can destroy a relationship if you do not know the steps to take to heal from an affair.

    Here are some of the specific steps necessary for healing.

    Avoid overreacting. Statements like “The marriage is over” do not have to be true. Many marriages survive an affair. Avoid a vengeance affair. Acknowledge hurt, betrayal, anger, distrust, and homicidal urges. Sometimes a temporary separation will allow for a cooling-down period.

    Honest discussion about what happened and why is important. The why is more important than the what. Be careful about asking for all the gory details. It is human nature to want to know everything, but each revealed incident creates an image in your mind, which becomes difficult to forgive and let go. This process keeps marriage therapists very busy. The more gory details you know, the more images in your head, the longer it takes to heal.

    Each person has two tasks. The person who had the affair has to be squeaky clean and scrupulously honest. The spouse who didn’t have the affair has to forgive and let go.

    Some people hold the false belief that if they forgive, friends and family will see them as weak. Forgiving, letting go of the pain, and moving on after the deep wound of an affair requires great inner strength. As far as we know, only God can forgive and forget. We humans are cursed with memory and so the healing process requires forgiving and letting go of the hurt. Letting go demands personal discipline and is much more difficult if you have a vengeful, unforgiving personality.

    Following these guidelines will go a long way to help you to heal your relationships after an affair.

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    Source by Shuford Davis

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  • Boho Beach Style

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    Summer is defined by sun, sand and the water. People typically focus on their swimsuits and throw on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts on top and their outfit is brought down a level. It’s time to pay more attention to our bohemian-chic tunics as cover-ups for our bathing suits, making you look more stylish and draw attention as soon as you step out of your house.

    We can start with the basics: a tunic/kimono dress. An oversized poncho in a light shade or a shift/flowy dress lets the breeze right in, keeping you cool. The light shades are good to look for when shopping for oversized clothes, especially with the beach, in order not to drown you in the fabric and to avoid the ruthless sun. Light shades let the light shine through while complementing a nice tan. A yellow brings a happy aura around you while a light pink compliments your skin tone. For those who like to have less fabric, shift dresses are ideal; the shift style still allows for a chill vibe but is a bit more fitted to the body. Any shade of color goes well with boho shift dresses, but the ideal summer colors would be a bright blue or blazing orange, summer is all about bringing more color into your day, in contrast to the winter months. Flowy dresses are my preference, letting my skin breathe but not too baggy, simple and chic. Simply printed bohemian dresses add the extra touch to my outfit: hand painted flowers bordering the neckline and the hem of the dress are enough to finish off the outfit.

    Want to show off some of your new bathing suits while still covering up? Flowy sari pants are the way to go. Flowy pants never go out of style as they make your legs look like they go on for miles. Accent your bathing suit by bringing out the undertones or detailed colors with a complementary colored pant. A rich red pant coordinated with the small red detailing of your top brings out your tan and looks stunning along the water. Want to show your inner yogi? Wear the perfect bottoms that work for the lovers of yoga and the beach. Pants of lightweight recycled silk fabric with a cinched bottom and a bright pattern do amazing things for the transition from morning yoga to a beach day.

    No shirt, no shoes, no service? An embroidered tunic kurti is the perfect throw on dress for lounging around. Kurtis come in a variety of styles depending on your mood. Short white kurtis with colored embroidery continues the summer beach theme from the flowy pants. Vibrant colors give a new look and the white hand embroidered tunics are so comfortable and chill.

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    Source by Era Chandok

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  • Emotional Stress: What Is It And How To Deal With It

    Emotional Stress: What Is It And How To Deal With It

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    Dealing with stress is almost a given for virtually everyone at some point or other. After all, life is made of challenges that test us physically, mentally, and emotionally. However, when a person has to deal with that type of adversity all of the time, the constant strain from such pressure can really affect a person’s mental and physical well-being. This can be to the point where your health can be adversely affected for a short or even long term. This is known as emotional stress. The information below should help you to determine if you are facing this type of anxiety and how to overcome it.

    If you are having trouble with your sleeping habits, whether it’s sleeping more than usual or only sleeping for a few hours and having difficulty going back to sleep, you could be suffering from emotional stress. Often, the cause of this is due to either anxiety or depression, especially if there are no physical reasons for your sleeping issues.

    If you are having extreme changes in your weight over a short period of time, especially if you haven’t changed your eating or exercise routines, you might be suffering from emotional stress. Also, if you constantly think about food or constantly avoid eating, those signs could also be indicators that you are suffering from emotional tension. Depression can also cause a lack of appetite.

    The body will sometimes aid you and others in letting you know that you are suffering from over tension when you have physical ailments that you just cannot explain the cause of. If you’ve undergone a physical, and a physician can’t find anything physically wrong with you, it may be emotional stress that is causing your physical pain.

    Another sure sign that you may be over stressed is if you are always in a bad mood, always showing a short temper toward others, and always getting overly upset over little issues or events. Both your physical and mental health could be at risk, as could the physical and mental health of those around you.

    What can you do if you’re showing the above signs? First, you have to identify and directly address the stressor or stressors that are causing your emotional angst. You should also try to look at the positives of your life and determine whether the stressor(s) you’ve identified are really worth worrying about or not. You may be making those issues larger than you really need to be.

    You also need to take time out for yourself and enjoy fun activities to help relieve your mind of the pressure you are dealing with; no one can go for long periods of time under great duress without it affecting him/her. Also, let your family, friends, and physician know what you are dealing with, so that they can all help you overcome that tension and see the positives in your life.

    Emotional stress can cause a great burden on those who are dealing with it, both in terms of their mental and physical health. They can be more irritable, they have trouble with their sleep patterns, they are less sociable than usual, and they may experience severe weight fluctuations.

    By identifying and realizing what you are suffering from, you can work towards overcoming it with the proper attitude, approach, and help from your family, friends, and physician.

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    Source by Peggy Everson

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  • Transforming Negative Emotions Into Positive Feelings and Actions Part 2

    Transforming Negative Emotions Into Positive Feelings and Actions Part 2

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    Techniques to Release, Overcome and Transform

    1.) Observe yourself having the emotion. Just become aware and watch yourself in the process. This de-fuses it and frees you from an emotional strangle-hold and escalation. It takes will and strong desire to do this and becomes easier with practice.

    2.) Choose an image, a personal symbol, to place in your mind to stop self as soon as you recognize a negative emotion happening. For example, a stop sign, 10 deep breaths, a Danger sign or whatever means ‘stop” to you.

    3.) Consciously lift and move your energy from your solar plexus (stomach) area to your heart. The emotional charge is in the stomach and when you relocate your focus to the heart, you calm down and can see what is best. You’ll become harmless to yourself and others as your center of love is activated and replaces the negative feeling. A better decision can then be made.

    Release the Emotion (A present Feeling or one from the past):

    1.) Stomp, pound a pillow, yell, run, cry; release the emotion from the body.

    2.) Image a shower of light pouring down on you and washing the painful emotion away.

    3.) Pull the plug on the emotion. Image it as a color going down a drain.

    4.) Journal, write your feelings down.

    5.) Art Therapy. Do a simple technique that releases the emotion by taking a sheet of paper and using crayons, markers or pastels to draw/scribble your feelings on the paper. Get them out on the paper; release them. Turn the paper and see this situation differently. Now, draw. A new perspective can harmonize the emotion you’re releasing.

    6.) We release emotions with intention to be rid of them, not to fuel the fire for more. Be sure to release with the desire to be free of them.

    Transforming Negative Emotions:

    1.) Change your energy field. Close your eyes and imagine the emotion as energy around you. What does it look like, what color, shape, form etc. does it take? Now allow it to change and smooth out, becoming transformed, harmonized, peaceful. What does it look and feel like now?

    2.) Change your perspective on the situation. Re-frame it in a way that’s positive/productive for you. Ask yourself, how this situation can help you. What is good about it? How are you growing from it? A positive attitude about something can help resolve it for you, even if it’s a difficult situation. A new mindset can change everything.

    3.) Ask self what the lesson you are learning from this situation is. Knowing the lesson helps transform the negative feeling and take on the mastery of the lesson you are in the process of learning.

    4.) Put a new and positive picture in your mind about the situation that is causing the hurtful emotion. Instead of dwelling on the painful scenario or the trauma incident or being yelled at or treated disrespectfully, replace it with one of yourself healed, happy, successful, determined to move on etc. Whatever feels great and counters the old feeling. Keep the new picture in place whenever the old feeling comes up. The mind and body respond quickly to pictures, so this will shift you fast.

    5.) Inner Listening. Get very quiet and go into the silence within. Allow your inner guide to bring you new insights, wisdom and solutions for healing and transformation.

    6.) Forgiveness means letting go. It doesn’t condone bad behavior, but lets the pain go. You and others have the right to make mistakes and grow. Forgive self if needed and forgive others. This doesn’t mean that you will choose to stay connected with anyone who harms you. It means you let go of the painful movie, get the lesson and move forward. You stop the images and negative emotions from their endless control over you. Restore your self- esteem if you’ve acted poorly and wish the other person well if they have. To clean yourself completely, do a systematic of forgiveness for everyone in your life. You will be rejuvenated. Forgive; let go and say goodbye to these emotions.

    7.) Change a gripe to a goal. If you regularly complain and feel negatively about something or someone, set a goal for yourself and be determined to accomplish it. For example, if you are jealous of someone who has a degree in art; stop it and find a way to get one for yourself. If you are short of money and angry at others who have it, stop it and chart your path, make a plan to increase your income. Things happen first in the mind, so begin to visualize yourself having what you want already now. Feel the joy of it and for 5 minutes several times a day, sit quietly and feel the emotions you would have if it were yours now. Soon you begin to believe you have it. In the Biology of belief, Bruce Lipton offers scientific proof that we get what we believe.

    8.) Thoughts and emotions are intimately connected in fact, inseparable. One leads to the other. What repetitive thoughts do you have that are hurting you? Are you taking charge of your negative thoughts and transforming them? Think the opposite of your negative thought as soon as you catch yourself having it. Correct yourself on a daily basis; over and over. Repetition of the new corrected thought forges a new brain pathway and pattern. Strong intention and follow through is necessary.

    Don’t let your mind wander all day without direction or self-monitoring. You can change your mind at any moment into a more positive state. Letting your thoughts run wild will take away your peace. Take charge of yourself and choose thoughts that will help you.

    9.) What belief about yourself do you want to change? Finances, relationships, self-concept, accomplishment of a specific goal; health, personal qualities etc. Beliefs that limit and cause pain keep your emotions at a painful level, and only you can change that.

    Taking Positive New Action

    1) Set clear boundaries. You decide what you will and won’t accept from people and act on it.

    2) Practice assertive communication with others. Tell them how you feel without blame or judgment; just how you feel. Stand up for self if needed.

    3) Be creative. Create something positive from your experience.

    For example, women who have been abused have set up women’s shelters around the country. People who grew up hungry have started programs to feed poor children.

    All of these techniques work. Practice and practice and you will see yourself and your life become fulfilled and beautiful. Be very patient with yourself, as this is hard work and takes a lot of self- control, intention and discipline. It’s a progressive unfolding of the highest part of self. Over time we blossom!

    Steps in Review:

    1.) Stop and control self.

    2.) Release the emotion

    3.) Transform the emotion

    4.) Take positive new action

    5.) Replace negative emotional reactions with spiritual actions and personal spiritual qualities.

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    Source by Carole Cravath

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  • Sore Penis TLC – Help for Bruised Penile Tissue

    Sore Penis TLC – Help for Bruised Penile Tissue

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    Bruises can be painful and a little disconcerting no matter where they appear on the human body, but when they show up on the penis, men might reasonably react with more than a little alarm. Thankfully, most cases of penile bruising are mild, and they tend to dissolve and disappear on their own, with a little supportive penis health care. But there are times when a bruised, sore penis merits a trip to the doctor for more advanced healing options.

    Bruising Basics

    The tissues of the penis are lined with blood. Deep channels inside the penis fill up with blood when a man is aroused, and this movement of fluid makes an erection possible. Even when a man isn’t focused on sex, however, the penis is nourished by blood flowing into thick veins and arteries that line the penis, as well as tiny capillaries that lie beneath the skin.

    Both large blood vessels and the smaller channels can burst when they’re subjected to pressure or some other form of trauma, and when they burst, bruises are soon to follow, as the blood rushes out and flows freely beneath the skin. Penile trauma can come in many forms, but common causes of intimate bruising include:

    • Surgical procedures;
    • Rough or dry sex;
    • Twisting motions during masturbation;
    • Accidents or blunt trauma.

    A typical bruise looks reddish when it first appears, but as the bruise heals and the blood is reabsorbed into nearby tissues, the skin can take on spectacular colors, including purple, green and yellow.

    Cause for Concern

    Some bruises are best handled with the help of an expert. For example, some bruises develop when a man hits his penis on something hard, like a partner’s pubic bone, and the impact can break delicate internal tissues. Such trauma won’t heal on its own, and it is often very painful, so incidents like this require a trip to the doctor’s office or ER.

    Helping the Healing

    An ordinary bruise that has no other complicating factors tends to disappear within a few weeks, no matter what a guy might do. Human physiology is adept at healing these sorts of damaged tissues, and the body’s cleanup crews head to the site mere minutes after the original injury and make sure that all is progressing as it should. There are some things men can do, however, to ensure that this process moves as quickly as it possibly can.

    Allowing time for healing is vital, as continued pressure or friction on bruised tissues can allow yet more blood cells to escape, and the bruise might spread instead of disappearing. Even if a man isn’t experiencing pain, it might be best to avoid sexual activity until the discoloration begins to fade and the tissue returns to its normal color. If pain accompanies the bruising, letting the injured tissues rest is especially important.

    Washcloths dipped in cool water can provide relief in the 24 to 48 hours following the injury, but in the days that follow, warm compresses can also help to speed healing. The warmth allows blood vessels to expand, so the damaged cells can be accessed and swept away as quickly as possible. A washcloth soaked in warm water, applied several times per day, should help the discoloration to fade.

    Applying a high-quality a penis health creme (most experts recommend Man1 Man Oil) may also help to promote healing. While penile creams are not intended as a cure for damaged tissue, vital nutrients such as vitamin C can help to promote the restoration of circulatory tissue, while natural moisturizers such as shea butter keep the skin feeling soft, supple and responsive to the touch.

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    Source by John Dugan

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