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  • Why Do You Need an Attorney for Marital Arrangements and Settlements?

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    It is very unfortunate, when you are on the verge to sign a divorce agreement. But in spite of the emotional breakdown, you have to be caution before signing any agreement of settlement framed by the attorney of your spouse. If you do not agree with the settlements mentioned in the drafts, do not sign, rather look forward to hire a prolific divorce lawyer who is famous in handling most critical divorce cases.

    What are the qualities your attorney must have?

    Before hiring a divorce attorney to defend you for the case make sure that the legal professional and qualified enough to handle such critical case. Hence, it is recommended to hire a lawyer from a known countenance.

    If you have to appoint the legal practitioner without any reference, go through the website of the expert. Check the testimonials and the area of expertise. Moreover, check the reviews of the lawyer and how many successful marital agreement and settlement cases he/she has handled? Checking the license of the lawyer is also suggested.

    If you want to stay confident about all the mentioned pointers, consult a reputed attorney or a well-known solicitor firm that has the strong background of defending marital separation and settlement cases.

    Hire an attorney to write the agreement

    Often the departing married couples decide their own terms and depending on that they try to write their own agreements. But it is strongly recommended that even for a mutual agreement settlement you should afford a lawyer. These legal masterminds have the expertise to draft the lines with the legal twist that covers everything that have been decided among the divorcing couples. Often the self-drafted papers look vague and unclear. Moreover, the opponent can take advantage of the unclear data and blackmail the other spouse in future. This can also call for another case. Hence, to stay away from all such anticipated debaucheries, it is better to hire a lawyer and get him/her write the agreement.

    Handling the agreement of child custody

    The children of the separating parents have to go through several traumas and troublesome time. Therefore, lawyers of both the parties and the court are compassionate about such separation cases. Usually, the children are handed over to that parent who is more responsible and economically stable to take care of the kids. Some unfortunate cases have also witnessed where both the parents are not interested to take their children. During this critical situation, the court takes care of the kids and they are handed over to homes. But if your case is different and you want to fight for your kids, you need to hire an experienced lawyer that can ensure that the children will be will you.

    Therefore, before signing the agreement of the custody let your Attorney read the drafts thoroughly so that you may not be misguided or cheated by the opponent about the custody of your kids.

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    Source by Garfield Langmuir Logan

    Views: 0

  • Advantages And Disadvantages Of Living In Apartments And Villas

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    Today, villas are becoming very popular. As opposed to the space you get to enjoy in a villa, residing at an apartment can be very restrictive, most especially when you have kids. Property experts emphasized though that living in both have their own pros and cons. By being aware of these pieces of information, you can decide if buying a villa instead of staying at an apartment in a hotel is a smart decision or not.

    Living In An Apartment

    Certainly, security is better if you choose to live in an apartment. A non-resident individual can’t just enter in an apartment building. Neighbors will also be very close to know it something bad is going on and can quickly call the police. When it comes to water, gas, and electricity, life will be a lot easier. These things will be provided by the building. Maintenance will also be stress-free due to the fact that the real estate owner is responsible for the building’s upkeep. In case there will be a park where your family and friends can spend quality time in, it is likewise the building owner’s responsibility to keep it clean and damage-free. Most importantly, you will get access to important facilities.

    On the other hand, maintenance costs can be very expensive – this will depend on which building you bought the apartment in. Since you have nearby neighbors, your conversations may possibly be heard. But you can always make your apartment soundproof. You may also have a limited space. Moreover, expansion is not possible because if you purchase an apartment, the area you have invested in is fixed. Of course, you can’t just break down a wall if you want to make your area more spacious.

    Buying A Villa

    If you choose to buy a villa, you will get to enjoy freedom. You will not feel like you are a prisoner inside. This further means that your movement won’t be limited. In fact, you can expand if you really want to and decorate your room with whatever design you prefer. Moreover, you can have a garden in your yard. A garden will make your property more beautiful. If not, you can choose to install a swimming pool in your yard if it does not have one yet. Lastly, a villa will certainly make you appreciate what a real home feels like.

    On the contrary, security is not tight if you live in a villa, most especially when you are away. Apart from that, you will also need to pay for facilities, and manage gas, electricity, and water by yourself. Most importantly, the location might be a bit hassle to you if you are working within the city.

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    Source by Brian E Bell

    Views: 0

  • Negotiation Tactics and The Poison of Emotion

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    “Don’t take it personally… it’s just business.”

    No doubt you have heard these words spoken by an opposing party to a business deal. Many people have heard these words, and they usually followed a bone-crushing blow from the other side. As if to make any wound acceptable, they remind you they wouldn’t do it on a personal level, but only in a business context.

    As if the two are separable.

    The reality is, personal and business are really not separable, and this is why: when you negotiate a deal, you do not negotiate with a retail shop, or a construction crew, or a brand of product – you negotiate with a person. And that makes it personal, every time.

    Because negotiations are personal, there usually are emotions involved. Humans are emotional creatures; in fact, we are the only emotional creatures. We are unique from the rest of the created world in that we have wills, intellects and emotions. These three trademarks of the human psyche are integral to any negotiation, and the more value involved, the more these three human traits play a role.

    When emotions take the stage in a negotiation, things can get skewed very quickly, and what began as a logical journey to a reasonable conclusion becomes an intense entanglement of anger, pride, and despondency.

    When people get angry, they let reason go to the wind. “Okay, fine,” they say, “if he is going to treat me like I’m stupid, I’ll make sure he knows I’m not.” Then an unwise, unproductive decision is made.

    When a negotiation becomes a showdown of who can prove they are getting the better deal, there’s a battle of pride, and the two sides just continue to try to top the other and the negotiation goes nowhere.

    When someone feels like the breath was just knocked out of them, like when the opposing party downplays or even criticizes what the other party thought was the most valuable element of the deal, a hurt, dejected emotion surfaces and there is an underlying resentment from there on through the rest of the process.

    Emotions are poison to negotiations.

    A skilled negotiator who understands how to apply effective negotiation tactics will do all she can to leave emotions at the door… and lock the door behind her until an agreement is reached.

    In many negotiations, emotions are expected to arise, and some situations almost guarantee them. When two people who have lived in their house for thirty years, reared their children there, made lifelong friendships with the neighbors, and remodeled the home with their own blood and sweat and tears, realize they are at a point where they must sell, they are not going to sell easily. You can bet these folks are going to have some serious emotions when accepting an offer to buy their home. They are selling a part of themselves and may need some serious motivation, which could be an irresistible, bullet proof, over-asking price offer from a buyer.

    And this can mean a tough negotiation ahead.

    High octane deals can create problems, but there are negotiation tactics to deal with them. Here are a few to consider:

    • Understand the other party may be putting on a front

    Some of the nicest, most pleasant people become monsters at the negotiating table. Why? Many reasons. For one, certain people believe you are supposed to be rude and hard-nosed in a negotiation. Yes, they are wrong, but telling them about it is useless. The important thing to remember is you must absorb the abrasiveness and harsh language with grace. Let them be as assinne as they want, but don’t let it affect you. Even if you are burning inside because the buyer just told you the mural your friend painted on the building side will be painted over as soon as the recording ink dries, DON’T LET THEM KNOW IT. Emotion is fine; expressing emotion in a business dealing is weakness.

    You must be strong whether you feel it or not, because it is not so much how you feel that counts, it is how the other side perceives how you feel.

    • View everything from the standpoint of fair market value

    The fact that you hand planned those deck boards and involved your kids through the whole project really doesn’t matter. It may make the deck more valuable to you, but it doesn’t to your buyer. A deck is worth what the fair market value for decks is. Nothing more. In a similar way, the fact that it took you a full year of pursuit to secure that particular client doesn’t affect the value to the buyer of your business. The client is worth the fair market value of their revenue generation for the business. Nothing more.

    Leaving personal emotions out of the deal will help a negotiator to view the value and transferability of his assets properly, and encourage a healthy and balanced negotiation.

    • Have a third party do the negotiating

    Usually big corporations involved in mergers and acquisitions and buy-outs employ the services of an attorney or attorneys to handle the negotiations. This is partly because of the technical know-how required in complicated deals, but it is more than that. Corporate execs know that to have an outside, neutral person to handle the dealing removes any personal element (or at least most of it) from the negotiations. The attorney’s job is not on the line, nor is his standing in the company. But the executive’s is, and there is power in removing those personal elements which can make a party weaker.

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    Source by Rhett Kniep

    Views: 0

  • Advantages of Group Dating

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    Group dating is very popular in Japan and it is also known as ‘compa’ and ‘gokon’. Group dating is slowly becoming very famous in other countries also because through group dating people can easily find a suitable partner. The concept of dating in a group is very unique and different. In this system a girl and a guy who know each other from before plan a date in which each of them get 4 to 5 eligible friends. This date can be held in discos, bars, restaurants and hotels.

    So now let us discuss the most advantages of a dating in a group. These advantages will help you to understand this type dating in a better way.

    1. Socialize in group in a much better way
    As a group dating system involves trustworthy peers people can socialize in a much better way with each other. Group dating helps a person to learn from one another’s experiences. This type of dating involves a group of trusted teens who go out together in a group rather than in couples. Every parent want their kids to be in good company and influence, this type of dating helps them in this matter.

    2. Group dating helps in observing the opposite sex
    Teenagers are often interested in the opposite sex, but they are too scared of rejection. But in this type date setting, teenagers of genders can get to know each other very well. In this setting, every person can keep an eye on his or her friend, this helps in creating a better bond between friends and siblings.

    3. Can get acquainted with each other very easily
    This type of dating is most appropriate for those people who like some one but are not able to express their feelings. By becoming a part of this system they can get to know more about the person they like or love. Through group dating they get confidence and can face rejection more easily and boldly.

    4. No risk of temptation
    Having fun and getting to know each other are two main features of a group date. Kids involved in this type of dating are much better behaved because they want to impress each other. They avoid doing things that can harm their friends. Temptation is reduced to the bare minimum because kids are in the company of trustworthy friends.

    5. No pressure of impressing any one
    The main advantage of this type dating is that even if you do not manage to find a partner, you can still enjoy the outing or party with your friends. In a group dating even if you do not find a compatible partner you can still have a pleasant time, because you do not need to impress a particular person.

    These are the most important advantages of this type of dating system.

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    Source by Jessica N King

    Views: 0

  • Teaching Entrepreneurship To Children: Should We Do It?

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    Should we be teaching entrepreneurship to children? When you were a child did you ever have a stand where you sold soft drinks like sodas? Did you ever offer cakes and candy to other students at school in order to make some money?

    Not everybody is bitten by the entrepreneurial bug when they are kids however. I truly believe that it’s vital teaching entrepreneurship to children. The harsh realities of entering into the workforce in a difficult economy presents a lot of challenges. The alternative of being an entrepreneur and working for yourself is something that should be explained to children and young people.

    Making then Aware of an Alternative

    The main thing working against our children having an entrepreneurial mindset is our education system. With only a few exceptions, most of the teaching we get from the time we are in kindergarten to the day we graduate from college is…

    * Make sure you get a good education

    * Study hard and graduate with your degree

    * Get a wonderful job with great additional benefits and you’re set for life!

    There are a number of issues with this.

    There is absolutely nothing wrong with working and getting a good job with for a terrific company. A lot of people end up doing this and a some enjoy it and make a huge contribution to their company.

    The real truth is that there is a HUGE portion of people who are not pleased with their jobs and are in fact totally dissatisfied. This can be due to the fact that they either do not like the work they do, who they actually work with or they may not get paid enough being just one paycheck away from being broke.

    The Second problem is that it is very RARE in these modern times to find anybody that works at one specific job for more than 3 to 5 years. Switching between jobs regularly has actually become the “brand-new standard”.

    That’s why it’s so essential in teaching entrepreneurship to children and revealing to them that there is an option to having to go out into the workforce to make a living. Would it not make more sense to instruct children about entrepreneurship and show them a that there is a very real alternative to living a life in the corporate world.

    Teaching them about things like beginning their own home-business… particularly an online business. We have to remember that the younger generation now invest most of their time online nowadays. So,when they are young, why not instruct them about how to make money with a medium like the internet that they are so comfortable using.

    Keeping it Real

    Understanding that children these days can truly benefit from finding out how to begin their own business, how do we begin teaching them about it?

    I think it’s extremely important to set the right expectations early on. Having your own business can be an amazing experience, however children should be taught that it does also include hard work and dedication. This is something that children (and adults) in some cases choose to skip over.

    The reality is beginning an online business has the possibility to make you a lot more money than most everyday jobs.

    It’s essential to offer children choices. Make them understand the benefits and challenges of working in the “Rat Race” and the alternative of working for themselves in their own business.

    To be really practical we have to remember that children will regularly want to select the most simple and “Safest” method rather than something that might present a greater challenge and require a little additional effort even though in the long-term they could be much better off.

    Keep Their Dreams Alive

    The last thing to keep in mind is to be supportive of children who wish to start their own company. You see most children still have dreams and goals when they are young.

    As time goes and life presents some obstacles to their dreams in various forms, children then start to lower their goals and become more willing to settle for mediocrity. That is unless they have someone to look up to and admire and to learn from. Be the kind of individual who motivates and supports those children to dream big and work hard to realise their ambitions.

    With it becoming harder to find a good job nowadays, young children (and lots of grownups) need to be aware of the option of a home based business as a vehicle to achieve their dreams and objectives. Teaching entrepreneurship to children and assisting them in preserving their dreams can help pave a path on their journey to financial freedom and a life filled with passion.

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    Source by Merv Stevens

    Views: 0

  • How to Uncover Your MLM Prospect’s Motivation

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    When talking to a MLM prospect or a new team member it is vitally important to discover their primary motivating factor. What makes them want to join your business? Or if they have already joined why did they join?

    In order for anybody to succeed in MLM they must have a big enough “Why” – why did they join? What is it that they are trying to achieve? It’s all well & good if they say “financial freedom” is their goal, but what exactly does that mean to them, & why is it so important to them? After all, the phrase “financially free” can mean a multitude of things to different people. Some people may think they have achieved financial freedom if they have their mortgage paid for along with their monthly expenditure such as utility bills & groceries. However others will think they have achieved financial freedom when they can travel the world first class, never look at the prices on menus when eating at top class restaurants or the price tags on clothes. To others it would be sending their kids to private school & not having to worry about not having enough money to provide a roof over their heads.

    Of course it’s not always about money it could be that money is not a problem but time is, time to spend with the kids, time to take a relaxing break, time to take their partner out for a nice dinner…

    Without knowing what motivates your MLM prospect or new team member you cannot help them reach their goals. I’ve mentioned this in other articles, if you help enough people get what they want then you will get what you want, but how do you do this if you don’t know what it is that they “want”?

    In his book “Questions are The Answers” Allan Pease* describes a great method to find out people’s primary motivating factor. Ask your prospect or new team member “do you know why people start a Networking Business”? If they say “No” then you simply say “let me show you”. If they say “yes” you ask them to tell you why, listen to what they have to say & when they have finished you ask “any more” They will say “no” then you say “let me show you” and you produce the following list;

    Extra Income

    Financial Freedom

    Have Own Business

    More Spare Time

    Personal Development

    Helping Others

    Meeting New People

    Retirement

    Leave a Legacy

    Then ask them the following questions;

    1. WHAT IS YOUR NUMBER 1 PRIORITY?

    2. WHY DID YOU PICK THAT ONE?

    3. WHY IS THAT IMPORTANT TO YOU?

    4. WHAT ARE THE CONSEQUENCES OF NOT HAVING THAT OPPORTUNITY?

    5. WHY WOULD THAT WORRY YOU?

    Make sure after every question that you listen to what they have to say without interruption or comment, just go through the questions one after the other in the order above. When you have finished you will have identified their primary motivation.

    You can now tailor the rest of your talk to describe how your MLM opportunity can help them get exactly, what it is that they want. Don’t be surprised if some people become emotional when going through the above questions, after all you are delving deep into what is important to these people & what motivates them. The reasons are often very personal & so some people will inevitably become emotional.

    Finding out someone’s primary motivating factor is essential if you want to help them build a successful MLM Business, if you fail in establishing their “why” then it is very unlikely that you can help them & in turn yourself to succeed.

    *Questions are the Answers by Allan Pease, Published by Manjul.

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    Source by John Mac

    Views: 0

  • Can A Spouse Have An Emotion-Based Revenge Affair And Not Realize It?

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    I get a decent amount of correspondence about revenge after an affair. Sometimes, the faithful spouse wants to (or is considering) doing something to get revenge. Other times, they are feeling the urge to want revenge but they are trying desperately to resist that urge because they know that it is not really going to help anything.

    Other times, I hear from the cheating spouse who is scared of revenge or who thinks that they might be seeing vengeful behavior (even if their spouse denies this.) Here is an example. A husband might say: “I really can not effectively tell you how sorry I am that I cheated on my wife. I really don’t know what I was thinking. And in fact I probably wasn’t thinking clearly at all. I believe that my children are the only reason that my wife did not leave me. But although she’s still here, at times she looks at me with pure hatred. Her opinion of me has obviously changed. Where she used to respect me, now she acts as if I have low morals and am just a jerk. She doesn’t really listen when I talk and half the time she rolls her eyes at me and doesn’t even try to engage me with conversation. For the past three weeks, she has been spending a lot of time with a male coworker. I didn’t say anything at first because she gets mad at me so easily. Plus I thought it would hypocritical of me to insinuate that I don’t want her to have male friends when I am the one who had an affair. But last night we were spending time with our kids and the guy called. So I lost patience and asked her about it. She said that it was her job to train the guy at work and that they had become ‘close.’ She says he makes her laugh and feel good in a way she hasn’t for a long time. I got flustered and asked her if she thought that the relationship had crossed a line and had become an emotional affair. She got very angry. She said that the last thing she would do is start up an affair considering how my affair pretty much ruined our lives. She said that she was not that stupid. But now I’m wondering if perhaps she’s started an emotional affair for revenge without even knowing it. Is that possible?”

    Anything is possible. As a spouse who has been cheated on, I can tell you that there is a vulnerability there. Being cheated on makes you doubt yourself. It makes you wonder if anyone will ever find you attractive again. It makes you wonder if everyone is going to see you as damaged. So when a man show interest in you, allows you to confide in him, and boosts your confidence, this can feel like a relief. It can feel as if it’s just what the doctor ordered. And if your spouse gets jealous and insecure, well, perhaps he deserves it.

    At the same time, I am only speaking for myself when I say that although I would have welcomed any attention, I would have never made my situation worse by actually cheating. Our family life was so broken at the time that there was no way that I was going to add to my problems by adding another infidelity into the mix. I was not in any state to be in any sort of romantic relationship.

    I’m not saying that this is how your wife feels. I can’t possibly know that. However, I also can tell you that plenty of women have men friends at work, with there being nothing inappropriate about it. Adults are capable of having friends of the opposite sex without cheating. So your wife having a relationship with a male coworker doesn’t necessarily mean that you have anything to worry about.

    Rather than accuse your wife of something that might not be true and making her feel defensive, I would place my focus on your marriage and your relationship with her rather than placing your focus on her relationship with him. Because if you can work through the issues and strengthen your marriage, then you will have more confidence that you have nothing to worry about. And your wife won’t have the need to get her emotional needs met elsewhere.

    She may not even be consciously trying to do anything inappropriate. She may just be finding relief in having someone to interact with. And it may be nothing to worry about. But, if it gives you a bad feeling, there is nothing wrong with trying to bump up your attempts to improve your marriage and to strengthen your intimacy as quickly as you can. The sooner she is getting her emotional needs met by you, the sooner she will no longer need to get it from someone else, assuming that’s what is happening right now. That said, it’s possible that you are very sensitive about something that is innocent due to the affair.

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    Source by Katie Lersch

    Views: 0

  • Poultry Farmer Millionaire’s Biggest Secret Exposed! Become the Next Poultry Farmer Millionaire

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    In this article I will show you how you can increase your current egg production and triple your current revenue! I will show you how to be a professional and successful poultry farmer!

    Did you know there are thousands of successful millionaire poultry farmers out there? And I will reveal one of the biggest secret of success that will drastically triple your current egg revenue.

    One of the biggest secret that every poultry farmer should know is that chicken needs love, protection and comfort, just like human beings. And in order to provide these 3 keys of success you need a chicken coop!

    Chicken coops are the biggest secret of poultry farmer millionaires! This is why brand new quality chicken coops cost on average one thousand dollars.

    Why are chicken coops so effective? This is a very good question and the reason why they are super effective is because they provide:

    Protection: they create a huge and powerful barrier from the outside world. This means that it will make the lives of ferocious chicken predators a lot harder to kill and eat your beloved birds. Quality chicken coops provide spiky metal wire fencing that will warm and harm ferocious predators to will trespass your property.

    Comfort: most hen houses are made from wood with luxurious and comfortable interior. For instance you can make fluffy beds for every bird and have zones for water and food. Make the house like a home for your beloved chickens.

    Love: all of these can be translated in to one word: love. And this love of protection and comfort will make the chickens to produce 3 times for eggs then they would if they were living outside of a coop. This comes natural to them and why it wouldn’t? They got the perfect environment to raise their kids (eggs). And this is the perfect opportunity for you as a professional poultry farmer to increase your revenue!

    As I said quality chicken coops costs thousands of dollars, however you can also drastically reduce the costs by simply doing some DIY work. This is the ultimate secret of professional poultry farming and every single poultry farmer millionaire uses this tactic.

    To build a quality chicken coop from scratch only takes few hours and it only takes some cutting, hammering and painting. All you need is a good set of chicken coon DIY plans; these plans will guide you step by step in the entire process of building a highly effective chicken house. By simply following these easy to read DIY guides you will be able to build a quality chicken coop in no time.

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    Source by Smit Chacha

    Views: 0

  • Mindset: A Summary

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    Dr. Carol S. Dweck was challenged by her student to write a book on the results of years of their research study. Dr. Carol S. Dweck rose to the occasion and has written this book, “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, and How we can Learn to Fulfill Our Potential” in the hope that it will help the ordinary human being understand that life is what you make it and not what was dealt to you at birth. She has written in simple language giving examples of ordinary real people like herself and her students, artists like Picasso, sportsmen like Michael Jordan, the basketball player and John McEnroe the tennis player, Marina Semyonova the great Russian dance instructor and CEOs of different companies to name a few. In the third paragraph of her introduction she writes, “… you’ll learn how a simple belief about yourself… guides a large part of your life… In fact it permeates every part of your life… ” Thus she draws the reader into the book, making the reader one of her real life examples as the reader finds himself or herself in these examples.

    Dr. Dweck introduces the two types of mindsets, the fixed mindset and the growth mindset in the first section of the book. She writes how she learned from ten year old kids that failure could be turned into a gift if you had the right mindset. By giving them hard puzzles to work on, the kids cultivated their intellectual skills through effort and did not give up. These kids became her role models in her pursuit of whether human qualities are things that can be cultivated or are things curved in stone. Each person has a unique genetic endowment but experience, training, and personal effort take them the rest of the way.

    Dr. Dweck’s twenty years of research has shown that the view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life. She writes that, if you believe that your qualities and traits are curved in stone and cannot be changed then you have a fixed mindset. And if you believe that cherished qualities and traits can be developed and cultivated then you have a growth mindset.

    Fixed mindset people believe that an individual’s intelligence, quality and traits are a fixed quantity which cannot be increased. If they are doing well in school then they are smarter than the others who are not doing well. If they do well in sports then they have talent dealt them at birth. They spend time to prove that they are better in the qualities dealt to them just to prove they were dealt a healthy dose and that they are not deficient. If something doesn’t work for fixed mindset people they always blame it on something else.

    Growth mindset people work hard to do better always. They do not sit back and see their accomplishments as the final goal. In their minds there is always room for improvement. They have no time to sit and see themselves as the best or better than others. They have no time to sit and think that they have a special talent. They are busy thinking of how they can make it better and what changes they can make if something expected did not go right. To them if something doesn’t go right it’s not failure it is a challenge to find out ways to make it happen.

    In the second section of the book, Dr.Dweck, takes us through her research journey of fixed mindset and a journey of growth mindset through several sets of eyes. Showing how these two mindsets make or break people in their daily lives. In individual sports she gives an example of John McEnroe fixed mindset in tennis. He was a brilliant player who believed on talent not effort and working hard. When he didn’t win he blamed it on something else. Like when he blamed the system for not liking the game any more. He would not take responsibility. Micheal Jordan on the other hand has a growth mindset. If he missed a goal he would go and practice for several hours trying to figure out why he missed it In team sport the author gives an example of Couch John Wooden who was tactically and strategically average but went on to win ten national championships. Coach Wooden a growth mindset, tells us he was good at getting players to fill roles as part of a team. He cared about the feelings of the players. Fixed mindset like Coach Bobby Knight picked players for talent. He was an excellent coach but used the dictator approach to win. The winning were short lived and broke individuals’ characters in the process.

    In corporate companies the author uses General Electric CEO, Jack Welch, as the fixed mindset who managed to humble himself to a growth mindset and as he grew in his mindset the company grew at the same time. Lee Iacocca whose fixed mind set is good to bring the company up to the top in a hurry but then you need to get rid of him before he breaks it. Ford motor company did just that and Lee Iacocca was not happy. Fixed mindsets leaders are more concerned with being heroes and put their ego before the welfare of the company. The author gives example of Enron as a company that broke in the hands fixed mindset high echelon smart people. Enron employed smart people with talent and paid the maximum price of closing the company. Enron is a good example of groupthink where executives get carried away with their brilliance and superiority and make catastrophic decisions.

    In love, these two mindsets can make or break a relationship. In her research, Dr. Dweck, found out that fixed mindsets feel judged and labeled by rejection in a break up. They also chose revenge as a means to get at the person who hurt them. Growth mindsets chose to forgive, learn from it and move on. The author gives Hilary Clinton as an example who forgave her husband and went to canceling in order to save her relationship. Time and effort is needed to cultivate the emotional skills that are needed to keep a relationship.

    Dr. Dweck, ends this third section with the influence that parents’, teachers’ and coaches’ mindsets have on children that are under their care. In her research she found out that children interpret the caregivers words of support and encouragement in a fixed mindset approach. This sets them up for failure. For example, “… You learned that so quickly! You are so smart… ” is interpreted as “… If I don’t learn something quickly, I’m not smart… ” She explains that parents, teachers and coaches should refrain from giving praise that judges their intelligence or talent but praise them for the work that they put in. She goes on to say parents, teachers, and coaches need to give equal time and attention to the children regardless of their initial skills. The children will in turn give all and blossom. The author points out, “… As parents, teachers, and coaches we are entrusted with peoples’ lives. They are our responsibility and our legacy… “

    In the fourth section of the book, Dr. Dweck, embarks on the most gratifying part of her work, watching people change. People are not conscious or aware of their beliefs. Dr Aaron Beck, a psychiatrist, discovered that he could teach them how to work with and change these beliefs. And cognitive therapy, one of the most effective therapies ever developed, was born. Dr Dweck, used workshops to probe the way people of fixed mindsets dealt with information they were receiving. She found that they put a strong evaluation on each piece of information. Something good led to a very strong positive label and something bad led to a very strong negative label. People with growth mindset are also constantly monitoring what’s going on, but their internal monologue is not about judging themselves or others. They are sensitive to positive and negative information, but they are attuned to it’s implications for learning and constructive action. Dr. Dweck also had workshop for students. The workshops require a large staff to deliver the material. So the workshop material was put on interactive computer modules. The teachers guide their classes through the modules, and called it Braintology. These mindset workshops put students in charge of their brain.

    It is interesting to note how a simple characteristic like a mindset affects decision making in a wide spectrum of the population. A student in kindergarten, a CEO in billion dollar company, a surgeon at work in a hospital, a sportsman at practice and on the court, a chef at a high end hotel, selection of dance students and a sport team. College students drop classes or drop out of school due to having a fixed mindset. A growth mindset helps you learn to deal with anger, and deal with stereotypes in racial and gender discrimination. It’s quite fascinating.

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    Source by Nancy Maina

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  • My Husband Says He’s Miserable With Me and Isn’t Sure He Wants to Be Married – Insights to Help

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    Over the weekend, I received some correspondence from a wife who had noticed her husband acting cold and distant all weekend. He seemed to be picking fights, was clearly on edge and was showing body language and postures which indicated that something was very wrong. Of course, the wife asked him what was bothering him and he proceeded to answer with phrases like “nothing,” or “it’s just a bad day.”

    The wife was not happy with these responses and continued to press. The husband proceeded to withdrawal and act defensive. Finally, after the wife continued to follow him around and nag him, he angrily blurted out “can’t you see I’m miserable with you? If it weren’t for the kids, I’m not sure if I’d even want to be married to you.” The wife later regretted her response (which was to tell the husband that being married to him was no picnic either.)

    Later when they both calmed down, she asked him if he really meant what he said. The husband took a deep breath and said “I really don’t want to hurt you, but yes, I’m just not happy. I don’t know if it’s healthy for either of us to remain married.” The wife wanted my advice as to how she should proceed or act around him as he was clearly determined to sulk and complain. I will tell you what I told her in the following article.

    Determining What Responsibility A Wife Has In Her Husband’s Misery: The wife admitted that things weren’t perfect in her marriage. In fact, she had felt a distance growing in her marriage for some time. However, she would have never guessed that her husband was as miserable as he said he was. She suspected that he was projecting some disappointment and misery in other areas of his life and from his work onto their marriage.

    She may well have been right. This is actually quite a common occurrence. Much of the misery that he was feeling may not have initiated with her, but what was more important than it’s origin was the fact that he was equating his negative feelings with her and with the marriage. This may well be very unfair and even quite inaccurate. But, like it or not, this was her reality today and even she admitted that the marriage could use some improvement.

    So, while much of this may not have been her fault, there were certainly areas that she could address and improve. In a marriage that is working well, the spouse who is having issues with his job, his life, or his family will typically find solace and comfort in his spouse – rather than blaming her for the problem. The fact that he was doing just that indicated that there was a lot of room for improvement.

    So while the responsibility for the husband’s misery very likely did not lie totally with the wife, there was some opportunity to provide support and to let him know that she was there for him, willing to listen, and willing to help him in any way that she could – which is probably exactly what she would want for him to do if the roles were reversed.

    Beginning To Make Improvements In Your Marriage When You Husband Wants To Remain Alone In Being Miserable: When I explained some of these things with the wife, she was a bit resistant. She said that he was moping around so much that he might trip on his bottom lip. Granted, it can be hard to approach someone like this. But, she had pretty much been either ignoring him or trying to convince him either that he wasn’t as miserable as he thought, or that, if he was, this was his fault and not hers.

    Although this strategy is understandable, it’s not usually the most effective. The first step would be to calmly bring this out into the open and say your peace in a positive way that doesn’t continue to encourage or elicit his negative emotions. She might start by saying something like “I’m very sorry that you’re so unhappy right now. I love you and want for you to be happy. If there’s anything that I can do to help with this, I’m more than willing to do that. I can listen. I can offer support. I can make some shifts and changes if that’s what you need, but I can’t read your mind. Are you willing to talk about this so that we can come up with a plan to make this better?”

    I had no way to predict how the husband was going to react. I can tell you from previous experiences that some husbands will continue on with the negative act and say things like “it’s too late,” or “there’s nothing that you can do now.” Some men, though will begin to meet you half way even in the beginning. No matter what reaction you get, it’s very important that you respond in a positive manner. If they lash out, reply that you’re sorry to hear that and again offer your support. Eventually as you remain calm, supportive, and positive, it will become harder and harder to remain negative when you refuse to engage them.

    If they do tell you some things that might help, by all means meet them half way and do what you can to make things better. Although not all of this is your fault, it will only benefit both you and your marriage if you can lighten the tension, begin to identify and work on the issues, and to be the spouse that you would want your husband to be to you if the roles were reversed. If you can do this, it’s highly likely that all of the “ending the marriage” talk will begin to eventually lessen also.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

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