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Remote work will stress-test the internet—and parts will need repair, expert says

With offices across the country shuttered and workers being asked to work remotely when they can, the nation is relying on the robustness of the internet and technology infrastructure as never before. To understand the issues in play, the Gazette spoke with Jim Waldo, chief technology officer for the Harvard John A. Paulson School of Engineering and Applied Sciences, professor of the practice of computer science there, and professor of technology policy at the Harvard Kennedy School. Waldo, who spent three decades in the tech industry, discussed the likelihood that parts of the all-important internet will fail, and the equal likelihood that engineers will make repairs on the fly to keep people working.

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https://techxplore.com/news/2020-03-remote-stress-test-internetand-expert.html

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March 19, 2020
ICC-WHO Joint Statement: An unprecedented private sector call to action to tackle COVID-19
In a coordinated effort to combat the coronavirus COVID-19 pandemic, the International Chamber of Commerce (ICC) and the World Health Organization (WHO) have agreed to work closely to ensure the latest and most reliable information and tailored guidance reaches the global business community.

The COVID-19 pandemic is a global health and societal emergency that requires effective immediate action by governments, individuals and businesses. All businesses have a key role to play in minimising the likelihood of transmission and impact on society. Early, bold and effective action will reduce short- term risks to employees and long-term costs to businesses and the economy.

To aid this collective effort, ICC will regularly send updated advice to its network of over 45 million businesses so that businesses everywhere can take informed and effective action to protect their workers, customers and local communities and contribute to the production and distribution of essential supplies.

ICC will also contribute to enhancing information flows on the coronavirus outbreak by surveying its global private sector network to map the global business response. This will both encourage businesses to adopt appropriate precautionary approaches and generate new data and insights to support national and international government efforts.

As an immediate priority, businesses should be developing or updating, readying or implementing business continuity plans. Business continuity plans should aim to reduce transmission, including by: promoting understanding of the disease, its symptoms and appropriate behavior among employees; setting up a reporting system for any cases and contacts; preparing essentials; limiting travel and physical connectivity; and planning for measures such as teleworking when necessary.

Calls to Action
- ICC strongly endorses WHO’s call on national governments everywhere to adopt a whole-of- government and whole-of-society approach in responding to the COVID-19 pandemic. Reducing the further spread of COVID-19 and mitigating its impact should be a top priority for Heads of State and Government. Political action should be coordinated with actors in the private sector and civil society to maximize reach of messaging and effectiveness.
- Governments should commit to making available all necessary resources to combat COVID-19 with the minimum of delay and to ensure that cross-border medical and other essential goods supply chains are able to function effectively and efficiently
- ICC and the WHO encourage national chambers of commerce to work closely with UN country teams, including WHO country offices where they exist, and to designate mutual focal points to coordinate this collaboration.
- ICC encourages its members to support their country’s national response efforts and to contribute to the global response efforts coordinated by the WHO through www.covid19responsefund.org.
As the pandemic evolves, ICC Secretary General John W.H Denton AO and WHO Director General Dr Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus will continue to coordinate their efforts.

Essential information on the COVID-19 pandemic can be found on the WHO’s dedicated site.

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https://www.who.int/news-room/detail/16-03-2020-icc-who-joint-statement-an-unprecedented-private-sector-call-to-action-to-tackle-covid-19

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March 17, 2020
The Four Horsemen of Marital Apocalypse

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Stop to consider your last fight with your spouse. The exact subject may escape you at the moment. We understand. After a while, the spats – over bills, your job, in-laws or the dishes still in the sink – can all blur together. But contrary to popular belief, it’s not the amount of conflict in your marriage or what you argue about that determines your relationship’s survival rate. to marriage researchers, how a couple fights tends to be the best predicator of whether they’ll end up enjoying their golden years together or battling it out in divorce court. So learning to fight less may not be quite as important as learning to fight fair.

Four Deadly Sins of Marriage

Dr. John Gottman of University of Washington, one of the foremost marriage researchers, claims he can predict with 90 percent accuracy if a couple will divorce. In his storied “love lab,” Gottman studies how couples interact, particularly how they communicate with each other in heated moments. After 30 years of research, he has pinpointed four behaviors that seem to invariably spell disaster in any marriage. He ominously refers to them as “The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.” Every couple needs to be vigilant and ensure none of the four gallop into their marriage and wreak irreversible havoc.

Horseman #1: Criticism

The most common horseman that emerges in long-term relationships is criticism. Frustrations, annoyances and resentment inevitably build up when couples live together – day in and day out. And criticism can be how these emotions manifest in the heat of an argument.

Note that criticism differs from complaining. Criticism focuses on the person. Complaining focuses on the behavior. This may seem like subtle nuance but research shows it is a distinction that makes a significant difference in the long term. For example, this is a critical statement: “You always drive around in circles. You are an awful driver with a terrible sense of direction.” These words are dripping with blame and accusation. They are a personal attack.

Unlike criticism, complaining has more to do with how the other person’s behavior makes you feel. Complaining usually begins with an “I” instead of “you”: “I get so frustrated when you are driving and don’t know where you are going.” See the difference? The second statement is a negative comment about something you wish were otherwise. So though “I” statements can seem awkward, they really help keep the carnage manageable during explosive moments.

Horseman #2: Contempt

You’re an idiot. You can’t do anything right. You make me sick. These contemptuous words have no place in any relationship you value. They are meant to explicitly humiliate or wound. They are toxic and indefensible. Period.

Contempt includes but is not limited to name-calling, hostility and sarcasm. Keep in mind that contempt can also be conveyed non-verbally. An excessively harsh tone or disgusted eye roll can escalate your garden-variety argument into WWIII in the blink of an eye. Avoid contempt in your arguments at all cost. It is the basest, most childish tactic to resort to in a fight. Strive to respect your wife even when you disagree or feel upset with her. Contempt is like a poison. It will single-handedly erode intimacy. It destroys a sense of security and mutual respect. It does real damage because it makes a partner feel belittled and unloved.

Horseman #3: Defensiveness

Criticism+Contempt=Defensiveness. Defensive statements become practically an involuntary reflex in homes where contempt and criticism are regular visitors. It is understandable. After all, who wouldn’t put up their guard in response to an accusatory, belittling spouse? Defensiveness is fundamentally a self-preserving tactic.

As understandable as this response can be, it is still hugely destructive. It builds walls. Rather than allow room for connectedness, the foundation for conflict resolution, it tends to breed emotional distance. Defensiveness blocks healing and forgiveness.

Horseman #4: Stonewalling

Because stonewalling is not explicitly aggressive, couples often underestimate its destructive potential. But it can be just as devastating to a relationship in its passiveness. It is, in effect, giving up. It is withdrawing emotionally. It is essentially closing the door to a resolution.

Stonewallers withdraw partly because they can feel overwhelmed with emotion. They may keep their faces expressionless, avoid eye contact, hold their posture rigid, avoid any signs of listening such as nodding or encouraging sounds. They radiate icy distance and disapproval to their partners.

The Secret to Fighting Fair

Now that you know the four horsemen, make a conscious effort to keep them in the stable before they trample your marriage. One of the best ways to do this is to make “repair attempts” during your next argument. According to Gottman, repair attempts are any words or actions that prevent a conflict from escalating out of control. As simple as it sounds, repair attempts keep a marriage from becoming negative, hostile and distant.

Repair attempts can be as basic as changing the topic, giving a compliment, apologizing or saying, “I’ve been cranky all day, can we start over?” It can be as simple as saying, “Don’t worry, we’ll get through this” or cracking a joke to diffuse tension. Research even shows couples who touch during arguments also tend to show higher relationship satisfaction. Do whatever works for you when conflict rears its ugly head.

Remember, the more entrenched the negative patterns of behavior in your marriage become, the more difficult it becomes to break them. Don’t become a victim of these negative cycles. When two mature people can take ownership and be flexible, they will keep their marriage strong even though they may not always agree. As a Scottish proverb says, “Better bend than break.”

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Source by Grant Langston

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February 10, 2020
How to Lose 50 Pounds in 11 Weeks – 5 Things You Must Do

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Trying to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks can seem like a formidable task, but I assure you it can be done.

I’m assuming you’re not interested in using weight loss pills, appetite suppressants, surgery or any of that other junk to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks, which is good…’cos I hate those things. Don’t get me wrong, they have their place in certain situations, but in most cases, are an unnecessarily extreme measure.

When you consider that a gastric bypass operation can cost anywhere between $25,000 to $35,000 US dollars, you have to question whether the advice given to some folks to go through with it is in their best interests or that of the surgeon and his pocket.

Trying to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks may be a tough challenge but there are a few things you can do to make your life easier.

Here are 5 top tips you should follow when trying to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks.

1) Believe in yourself / set goals

The first and most important thing is getting in the right frame of mind. This may sound strange since you already know you want to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks…so what do I mean?

Well, don’t worry, I’m not gonna go all Tony Robbins on you and get you jumping up and down in a euphoric state (although there is some truth to that). Rather, I’m saying that you need a clear picture of where you want to be, and focus on it. You need to feel like you’ve already managed to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks…think about it…how does it really feel. Are your work colleagues inspired and envious of your new body and transformation? Do you have the confidence that you were lacking to ask out that hot guy or gal you’ve had your eye on for like forever?

Only by picturing it in your mind will you be able to set goals for your success and believe that you can and will lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks. The goals will be the checkpoints on your journey, the self-belief will be the fuel that keeps you going.

2) Find a good trainer and surround yourself with good like-minded people

This is an essential and often overlooked part of trying to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks. A lot of people don’t realise that who they surround themselves with plays a huge part in their self-belief, attitude, and overall motivation and determination. It has been said that a person is the average of the 5 or 10 people they hang around with the most, and this regards health, wealth, ambition, aspiration, relationships, family etc. This is not a hard and fast rule, but I feel there is some truth to it.

Trying to lose a lot of weight quickly will be demanding and therefore you want to surround yourself with positive folks who are rooting for you, and not people who are waiting for you to fail, so they can say “I told you so!”

Now, I’m not saying you should just give up and avoid your family and friends, but rather to seek out folks who have similar goals, and understand your situation. Finding people who have been where you are now and achieved your goals can give you a real push to do the same. Why do you think things like Weight Watchers clubs are so successful? It’s because they bring all these people together and they help each other out.

Where can you find these people? There are loads of forums online where you can find people who are trying to lose weight. Just going to Google or Yahoo and typing something like “weight loss + forum” (without the quotes) will yield all sorts of great things. There are also loads of weight loss and fitness programs online that you can follow to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks.

The same applies to your trainer, coach, or workout program that you choose to follow. Are they supportive yet ambitious, pushing you on when things get tough? If not, find one that is.

3) Eat a healthy diet

Obviously, diet and nutrition is fundamentally important when trying to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks. Taking on too many calories will mean you always put on weight, period. Therefore, you will need to create a caloric deficit, by taking on fewer calories than you burn, forcing your body to burn up the fat deposits and use it as energy.

Finding the right diet is important, and many folks go about it the wrong way. Starving yourself is a big no-no. You may lose a few pounds in the first few days, but it won’t last, as your body will transition into starvation mode and slow down your metabolism to burn less fat (it’s your in-built survival mechanism), making it even harder to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks.

So what can you do? Eat more! Yes, by eating smaller meals more regularly you will maintain your metabolism at a higher rate, and this, combined with exercise, will help you lose the pounds faster.

Green fibrous vegetables like broccoli, green beans, asparagus and lettuce are great healthy foods that can actually help you to burn fat, and it’s almost impossible to overeat on them. Eating more of them in the later part of the day along with a good lean protein like chicken breast is one of the best methods of getting lean as quickly as possible, and losing 50 pounds in 11 weeks.

4) Follow a good exercise plan

Without exercise, even the best diet plan in the world will struggle to help you lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks. You need to exercise in order to get the full benefit of the caloric deficit we mentioned earlier. It will create the furnace where you burn off those unwanted pounds.

Regular exercise also aids the mind, confidence and overall health. By tightening up, toning and growing your muscle, you also help your body to burn fat faster. Did you know that muscle can actually help you burn fat? So the more muscle you have the more fat you can burn, because your metabolism will work faster with more muscle.

Find a good training and exercise plan, with a good variety of cardiovascular work for your overall fitness, endurance and toning exercises like pushups and sit-ups, and some light weight training.

5) Stick to it!

This is the most important and often the hardest thing when trying to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks. The best diet, exercise routine, trainer, and goals, mean nothing without the small action of going and actually doing it. Things may get tough over the next 11 weeks, but sticking to it and following through will show results, and you’ll be amazed at what you achieve. Once you see a little success you’ll be hungry for more and then it’ll be so hard to stop the momentum you build up, that 50 pounds in 11 weeks will seem like a piece of cake!

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Source by John Wheeler

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February 4, 2020
Created To Bond – Changes That Heal Part II
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Failure To Develop Relationships

Emotional ties have a dramatic effect on our well-being. When one fails to develop relationships or bond with others, it can and often does affect their ability to stave off or recover from a variety of not only physical but also emotional ills. When they learn to attach to and trust others, they begin to develop not only emotionally, but also psychologically. Thus, their ability to bond with others… to become closely knit, often carryover into their home life.

When a child is distressed, he/she may show unusual signs such as increased pulse, increased or labored respiration, helplessness, and hopelessness and may easily become enraged. These signs are often seen when the biological parent remarries and the child tends to believe that he/she must compete with the step-parent for the biological parent’s attention.

When the adoptive or step-parent enters the situation with food, physical contact, compassion and other help, the child learns her parents can meet her needs. The child is then more active and able to respond to stimulation such as playing. When the child is content, she is able to sleep and feel comfortable in her surroundings.

According to Deborah Gray, author of Attaching in Adoption, “attachment is a relationship formed primarily with members of the family and requires more time and interaction to be created. Attachment is what most adoptive parents are referring to when they talk about bonding with their child. Adopted children of all ages may have an attachment to their birth family, even if the relationship was neglectful or abusive. Many adoption experts agree that if a child can form an attachment to birth and foster parents, she will have the skills to attach to her adoptive family as well.”

Signs of Secure Attachment

The parental attachment process can often take weeks or years to fully develop, and in some cases there maybe pervasive attachment disorders for which professional therapy will be required. A strong indicator of whether attachment is taking place is the comfort with which the adoptive or step-parent is able to recognize the child’s needs. It is important to remember that the repetition of parents meeting a child’s needs is the foundation of forming a secure attachment with children of all ages, not just infants.

The attachment bond shapes an infant’s brain

The attachment bond is the term for our first interactive love relationship-the one we had with our primary caregivers, that is, our mothers. The mother-child attachment bond is instrumental in shaping infants brains. This important attachment profoundly influences our self-esteem, our expectations of others, and our ability to attract and maintain successful relationships. So, the success, or failure, of our first love-the attachment bond-has a life-long effect.

Our secure attachment bond shapes our abilities to:
- feel safe
- develop meaningful connections with others
- explore our world
- deal with stress
- balance emotions
- experience comfort and security
- make sense of our lives
- create positive memories and expectations of relationships
Attachment bonds are as unique as we are. Primary caretakers do not have to be perfect. They do not have to always be in agreement with their infants’ emotions, but it helps if they are emotionally available a majority of the time.

We were born with an innate or preprogrammed need to bond with one very significant person-our primary caregiver, usually our mother. Like all infants, you were a small bundle of disjointed emotions-intensely experiencing fear, anger, sadness, and joy, often at the same time. The natural emotional attachment that grew between you and your caregiver was the first interactive relationship of your life, and it depended upon nonverbal communication. Therefore, the bonding you experienced in this relationship determined how you would relate to other people throughout your life. This bonding relationship established the foundation for all verbal and nonverbal communication in your future relationships.

For better or worse, the attachment bond profoundly influences the infant brain. It is a baby’s first love relationship. When the primary caretaker can manage personal stress, calm the infant, communicate through emotion, share joy, and forgive easily, the young child’s nervous system becomes “securely attached.” The strong foundation of a secure attachment bond enables the child to be self-confident, trusting, hopeful, and comfortable in the face of conflict. As an adult, he or she will be flexible, creative, hopeful, and optimistic.

People who fail to establish this type of bonding relationship often experience confusing, frightening, or broken emotional communications during their infancy and often grow into adults who have difficulty understanding their own emotions and the feelings of others. This hampers their ability to establish, build and/or maintain attachments leading to successful relationships.

What is Attachment?

Attachment is the relationship between infants and their primary caregivers-is responsible for:
- shaping the success or failure of future intimate relationships
- the ability to maintain a normal emotional balance
- the ability to enjoy being ourselves and to find satisfaction in being with others
- the ability to successfully rebound from various disappointments, discouragement, and misfortune
Many scientific studies of the brain-and the primary role attachment plays in shaping it-has given us a new basis for understanding why vast numbers of people have great difficulty communicating with the most important individuals in their work and love lives. Once, we could only use guesswork to try and determine why important relationships never evolved, or developed chronic problems, or fell apart. Now, thanks to new insights into brain development, we can understand what it takes to help build and nurture productive and meaningful relationships at home and at work.

What is the attachment bond?

The mother-child bond is the primary force in infant development, according to the attachment bond theory pioneered by English psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth. The theory has gained strength through worldwide scientific studies and the use of brain imaging technology.

The attachment bond theory states that the relationship between infants and primary caretakers is responsible for:
- shaping all of our future relationships
- strengthening or damaging our abilities to focus, be conscious of our feelings, and calm ourselves
- the ability to bounce back from misfortune
Scientific research reveals the infant/adult interactions that result in a successful, secure attachment, where both people are aware of the other’s feelings and emotions is the necessary precursor for successful relationships. These studies also reveal troubled, or insecure attachment, in which the communication of feelings fails thus resulting in an inability to form the bind needed to establish a solid relationship. Researchers found that in order to have successful adult relationships there must exist in us and we must depend on the ability to:
- manage stress
- stay “tuned in” with emotions
- use communicative body language
- be playful in a mutually engaging manner
- be readily forgiving, relinquishing grudges
The same research also found that when an insecure attachment exists some type of abuse may have caused it, but it is just as likely to be caused by isolation or loneliness. These recent discoveries offer a new glimpse into successful love relationships. Taking these observations into account often provides the keys to identifying and repairing a love relationship that is strained or falling apart.

Insecure attachment affects adult relationships

Insecurity can be a significant problem in all of our lives, and it usually takes root when an infant’s attachment bond fails to provide the child with sufficient structure, recognition, understanding, safety, and mutual accord. These insecurities may lead us to:
- Tune out and turn off-Most often, if our parent is unavailable and self-absorbed, we may-as children-get lost in our own inner world, we become introverted, avoiding any close, emotional connections. This often causes us as adults to become physically and emotionally distant in relationships.
- Remain insecure-If we have parents who are inconsistent or intrusive, it’s more than likely that we will become unrealistically anxious and fearful, never knowing what to expect. Then as adults, we may become willingly available one moment and totally rejecting the next.
- Become disorganized, aggressive and angry-When our early needs for emotional closeness and comfort is neglected, or when a parent’s erratic behavior is a source of disorienting terror, emotional problems are sure to follow. As we grow into adults, we may lack the ability to love easily and may unknowingly be insensitive to the needs of our partner.
- Develop slowly-Problems often occur when we fail to develop as rapidly as we should, both emotionally and intellectually. Such developmental delays often manifest themselves in the form of deficits and often result in subsequent physical and mental health problems, and generally lead to social and learning disabilities.
Lessons Learned From Our Attachment Bond

There are many powerful, life-altering lessons we learn from our attachment bond-our first love relationship continues to teach us as adults. The gut-level knowledge we gained from this bond then guides us in improving our adult relationships and making them secure.

Lesson No. 1-All adult relationships depend on nonverbal forms of communication for their success. These nonverbal communication skills are learned in infancy. Newborn infants cannot talk, reason or plan; yet they are equipped to make sure their needs are met. Infants don’t know what they need, they feel what they need, and communicate accordingly. When an infant communicates with a caretaker who understands and meets their physical and emotional needs an attachment takes place and the strength of that attachment influences other relationships later in life.

Lesson No. 2-Relationships in which the parties are tuned in to each other’s emotions are called attuned relationships, and attuned relationships teach us that:
- nonverbal cues deeply impact our love relationships
- as we play it helps us smooth over the turbulent times we endure in love relationships
- inevitable conflicts can build trusting relationships if we approach them without fear or a need to punish or retaliate
When we can recognize knee-jerk memories, perceive expectations, inappropriate attitudes, unfounded assumptions and improper behaviors as problems resulting from insecure attachment bonds, we can squelch their influence and their effect on our adult relationships. That recognition allows us to readily reconstruct the healthy nonverbal communication skills that ultimately produce an attuned attachment and successful relationship.

Becoming an Adult and Relationship Orientation

As we grow into adulthood, for the most part we bring with us the ideas and communication lessons we have learned from the time of our infancy. Whether these are good or bad depends on our ability to not only view life from our perspective but also have the ability and the willingness to see things from the other person’s point of view as well. When we are able to do that, then we are in a more astute position to deal with situations and circumstances that are adverse to us.

As we move through the adolescent stage of life we find ourselves at odds not only with others but also with ourselves. We want to be an adult with all of its rights and privileges sooner that we can become one, yet at the same time we want to abdicate the responsibility that goes with that station in life. It is a time of being able to make your own decisions and taking authority over your own life, but you are not there yet. You must learn to maintain control of your impulsiveness and your inhibitions. You must be able to objectionably reevaluate your beliefs, see your parents and authority figures realistically, recognize and pursue your God-given talents and goals, and be willing to take ultimate responsibility for yourself. Finally you must be able to accept and appreciate people who are different.

This ability helps us to be able to accept the good and the bad because we are able to address situations in a mature manner. When we are able to do this, we place ourselves into a position of strength, resulting in a proper evaluation of ourselves. Thus we are able to overcome some of the most persistent problems we face daily because now we are not only able to see things in black and white but also in the various shades of gray. As such, we are able to make allowances for our and other peoples mistakes.

We at that point come to realize that everything in life doesn’t have to go our way in order for us to be happy. We gain a new perspective on ourselves, others and God as a result of our changed thinking. We are then able to deal with each other with mercy, in grace, with the understanding that we too make mistakes. When we move into the realm of tolerance and forgiveness, we are able to love others without them having to be perfect.

Yet, in order to accomplish the task and responsibility of growing up we must also be willing to take responsibility and be accountable for those things of which we have been put in charge. Those things include our attitude, tongue, and actions. As we continue to grow in stature and wisdom the maturity level of our life should also increase proportionately.

Differences Between Men And Women

From my experience in dealing with women, (my mother, aunts, seven sisters and many friends and associates) I find that the majority of women are generally oriented towards their existing friendship networks whereas men were more interested in meeting new people and finding people who had similar interests — in other words, men would rather enjoy the adventure of reaching out to new people rather than cementing their existing relationships.

These results contribute to the growing research on social capital, networking and highlight the importance of examining specific interactive applications. The importance of distinguishing between strong and weak ties plays a major role in establishing new relationships. Also, it is necessary to consider the importance of taking into account gender differences in social interaction patterns. Whereas, women increase their bonding social capital as a result of using these sites but men do not. Women, on the other hand, show a decrease in bonding social capital with those whom they meet outside of their normal sphere of influence.

The fear of incorporating emotional intimacy into these association/relationships is mainly due to a fear of rejection and engulfment – a fear of losing the other and/or losing yourself. To overcome this obstacle you must be able to establish an inner bond with yourself. Inner Bonding is a transformational process for healing the fear of intimacy related ideas that have been carried from past experiences.

The mental visualization of these experiences often cause us to digress into a self-contained state of emotional security that hinders our ability to openly tolerate the inconsistencies we see in others. As a result, we ourselves are moved to a protective state and therefore unable to deal with the negative feelings that we will invariably experience. This barrier can block us from resolving issues that in reality are non-issues.

The Immaturity In Adolescence

Struggles with adolescent identity and depression usually set in when an adolescent experiences a loss. The most important loss in their lives is the changing relationship between the adolescent and their parents. Adolescents may also experience strife in their relationships with friends. This may be due to the activities their friends take part in, such as smoking, which causes adolescents to feel as though participating in such activities themselves is likely essential to maintaining these friendships. Teen depression can be extremely intense at times because of physical and hormonal changes but emotional instability is part of adolescence. Their changing mind, body and relationships often present themselves as stressful and that change, they assume, is something to be feared.

Your experiences in life help you to mature. The maturity is developed when you know you have no one to blame for the past but the circumstances and your immaturity. Oftentimes your immaturity stopped you from having a proper perspective of the facts facts and seeing things as they were. This made you blame others for your sufferings. You may have created and escalated your suffering without realizing the facts and circumstances and taking a easy way out by holding others responsible for it.

You feel you are always on the receiving end of every wrong or perceived wrong due to your immaturity. However, life has a knack of replaying memories and after few years it recreates the same circumstances but this time puts you on the opposite side (giving end), you are left with no choice but to accept the fact that you were so immature then and have grow-up with years. As you mature, life makes you see your ‘old you’ in somebody else now in these replaying of circumstances and you know that the other person still has to wait years ahead to grow and realize these facts.

Maturity slowly leads to wisdom when you know that it is only you who has to stand up and take responsibility for your past – action / inaction, sufferings / failures instead of holding others responsible. It is truly said that you create your own happiness. By blaming others and holding grudges you keep happiness at bay and give way to hatred and self pity. However, with time and wisdom when you accept the responsibility for your sufferings and embrace all your successes without pride -you are truly happy.

Divorce And Its Affects On Maturity

Children of divorced parents often bitterly vow not to repeat the same mistakes. They want to avoid putting themselves and their own children through the pain that comes from the dissolution of a marriage. But, according to University of Utah researcher Nicholas H. Wolfinger, these children’s aspirations face unfavorable odds. “Growing up in a divorced family greatly increases the chances of ending one’s own marriage, a phenomenon called the divorce cycle or the intergenerational transmission of divorce.” Dr. Wolfinger has spent almost a decade studying the marriages of children from divorced homes in America. These children are more likely to marry during their teenage years, cohabitate and marry someone who is also a child of divorced parents. And they are also one-third less likely to marry if they are over age 20.

“Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages,” by Wolfinger, published by Cambridge University Press, contains important information for those interested in divorce and its repercussions. “Divorce is an important topic because it has so many consequences for well-being,” writes Wolfinger,

“Its transmission between generations adds a whole new dimension by perpetuating the cycle of divorce. The divorce cycle, in short, can be thought of as a cascade. Ending a marriage starts a cycle that threatens to affect increasing numbers of people over time, a sobering thought in an era when half of all new marriages fail.” His research also suggests that if one spouse comes from divorced parents, the couple may be up to twice as likely to divorce. Spouses who are both children of divorced parents are three times more likely to divorce as couples who both hail from intact families.

Besides observing the marital stability of the offspring of divorced couples, Wolfinger’s book provides another perspective on how parental divorce affects offspring marriage timing, mate selection, cohabitating relationships as well as historical trends in the divorce cycle. Wolfinger also explores the divorce reform movement in America and argues in favor of no-fault divorce laws, arguing that a return to an age of tough divorce laws would recreate the social conditions that used to make divorce harder on children.

It is my opinion considering all that has been written on this subject that one reason children from divorced families get divorced more often is because they have a tendency to marry as teenagers. Social history demonstrates that the older you are when you marry, the less likely you are to get divorced. It’s good advice for everyone.”

On the other hand, the more transitions children experience while growing up, the more they will experience as adults. Taking this into consideration, the question that needs to be asked is, “What is the hardest for kids is how many disruptions they experience — the up-and-down cycles.

This is a valid question because many children will have stepparents, and some will see their new families dissolve. This type of disruption occurs any time they lose a parent — except from death. That’s different, and doesn’t have the same negative effects on children… whereas divorce is ambiguous. Children wonder whether the divorce was their fault or who is to blame. And they wonder ‘Is he coming back?’” It is certainly good news that people are less likely to stay in high conflict marriages than they used to. However, “ending a low-conflict marriage may hurt children as much as staying in a high-conflict family,” and the odds of divorce transmission are actually highest if parents dissolve a marriage after little or no conflict. It therefore behooves us to evaluate the effects divorce will have upon our children and their emotional well being should we decide to travel that road.

But before making that decision, we should honestly examine ourselves and the motivating things that are moving us in that direction. This inventory, if prayerfully done will allow us to see the other persons point of view more clearly and thereby make the necessary adjustments, where warranted, to resolve the issues that precipitated situation to begin with. If we are truly willing to continue the relationship, then we must take the necessary steps needed to resolve the issues of what is good or bad by first considering what we could have done to alleviate the problem rather than casting blame. When we allow the power of forgiveness to flow in us we cannot only deal with the past and present, but also the future as bonds are cemented.

Gray, Deborah. Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents. Indiana:Perspectives Press Inc., 2002.

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Source by Franklyn T. Johnson, Ph.D

Views: 0
February 3, 2020
Recreating Lindsey Buckingham’s Signature Sounds – Big Love

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One of the less well known guitarists of the last entry is Lindsey Buckingham of Fleetwood Mac. Newer guitarists may not be familiar with Buckingham, but his style and sound inspired several generations of guitarists. He’s probably most well known for hist signing, songwriting and production skills, but his guitar playing was instrumental in Fleetwood Mac’s success, so it’s worth taking a look at. I’m going to take a look at his sound and give you an idea of the kind of setup that’s required to reproduce some of his signature sounds.

The first thing that makes Buckingham so unique is the fact that he uses a fingerpicking style. Originally a Banjo player, Lindsey Buckingham made the transition to guitar, and his virtuoso performances are a signature sound of Fleetwood Mac. Buckingham plays bass lines with his thumb while he uses the other fingers to voice melodies and sweeping arpeggios. The resultant music is truly original and inspiring.

Looking at his setup, one thing that you’ll notice is that he has a truly unique axe. His Turner electric is not a guitar that has much fame, outside of Lindsey Buckingham. It’s shape, distinctly violin like, is one of the most unique features of the guitar. You will also find Buckingham playing an acoustic on various tracks. There’s nothing especially important to be said about his acoustic, other than the way he plays the instrument.

There’s one performance in specific that I’d like to analyze. During one particular Fleetwood Mac reunion, back in 1997, Buckingham performed the song “Big Love”, playing a Gibson Chet Atkins sold-body nylon string guitar. The reason that I’ve chosen this one is because of the unique sound that he got using that particular guitar. You can actually recreate this sound, even if you don’t have this particular axe. Using your acoustic electric guitar, I will show you how to simulate this sound using your guitar and a few simple effects.

In order to simulate this sound, you’re going to need delay and reverb. If you have an amp with these effects built in, that will do just fine. For the delay time, you’re going to want to set it around 125 milliseconds. You’ll need to be able to adjust the blend on the delay, adjusting it to be mostly the direct signal. This is important because when you’re soloing and playing intricate melodies, you don’t want the delayed notes muddying down the sound you’re trying to create. If you’re using a delay unit, such as those built in to some amplifiers, that only allows you to adjust the delay time by tapping a button, you may find it difficult to get the exact sound that I’m trying to teach. You can play around with the settings to see if you can get a sound that’s similar or just use this guide as a way to get ideas for new sounds.

Another adjustment that you may want to consider, if you have a nice delay, is to roll off some of the high end from the delayed signal. Again, this is to make sure that your original notes really sing through. As for your reverb, you’re going to want to reduce the size of the room to around 35 percent. If you’re not allowed to change the room size, don’t worry, just know this is going to be more of a creative exercise for you, rather than an all out recreation of the original sounds of Buckingham. Finally, you’re going to want to roll out a good bit of the midrange from your amplifier (or board if you’re going directly into one). This is going to keep things crisp and clear when you’re really laying on the notes.

While using built in effects are limiting, you can get a unique sound using this guide. For those with a nice effects board or pedals that allow them to adjust all of these settings, you’ll find a deep airy sound is the result of these settings. This is great to add some depth to a track where the main guitar part is played on an acoustic. If you haven’t heard the version of “Big Love” that I’m talking about, get on the net and look for videos or recordings from the ’97 Fleetwood Mac reunion show. It’s truly worth your time & is a great performance! Good luck & happy guitarring!

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Source by John T Halbert

Views: 0

February 2, 2020
Why Jock Itch Might Lead to Lower Sex Drive

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Jock itch. It’s not a welcome visitor for any guy. Even when a dude is really cautious and careful about his penis health, doing everything he can to avoid an itchy penis, he might still end up with a lousy case of jock itch. And while guys all know about the itchiness and discomfort that come with this condition, not all are aware that jock itch also has the potential to affect a guy’s sex drive – and not in a positive way either.

What it is

Known among the medical community by the name tinea cruris, jock itch is a common fungal infection that affects areas of the body covered by or in close proximity to, the area where an athletic supporter is commonly worn. In other words, the penis, balls, inner thighs and buttocks are the most common sites to be afflicted by jock itch.

It presents as a red, itchy rash; frequently the rash is ring-shaped and raised around the circumference. Often it is redder on the edges and a lighter red on the interior of the ring. Sometimes the ring will have a half-moon shape rather than being round.

Fortunately, jock itch is not serious; however, it can bring forth an itchy penis that is extremely annoying. In some cases, a man can scratch the itch so ferociously that the area can become infected.

Jock itch is highly contagious and caused by the same fungus that causes athlete’s foot. So, for example, a man may get it from sharing a towel or clothing of a man with the fungus (either in the form of jock itch or athlete’s foot).

The sex drive connection

A man with jock itch may find that it has a negative effect on his sex drive. Often the reason for this is psychological. When a man has an itchy penis or scrotal area that sports examples of tinea cruris, it may deter any potential partners from engaging with him. It may also make a man feel self-conscious and worried that his formerly glorious penis has become diseased-looking and unattractive. This can in turn make him feel unappealing, a sentiment that may stay with him even after visible signs of the condition have disappeared. His sex drive may suffer as a result.

However, sometimes the decrease in sex drive may be due to the treatment employed to rid himself of his jock itch.

Many doctors recommend the use antifungal powders or creams as a means of treatment. These are often very effective. But at least two common antifungal medications – clotrimazole and ketoconazole, which are found in many medications – can be lower sex drive culprits.

Why? Although large scale studies have not been conducted, animal studies do indicate that use of these ingredients in males can lower testosterone levels. Testosterone is created mostly in the testicles and plays a significant role in bone density, muscle development, fat distribution and, of course, sex drive. Essentially, the more testosterone a man produces, the heartier his sexual appetite.

Fortunately, the effects of these medications on testosterone are temporary; after discontinuation of the treatment, a man should see his sex drive return to normal – and, of course, not all men will see an appreciable difference.

Treating jock itch is crucial, even if the sex drive is temporarily affected. The itchiness associated with jock itch is often alleviated through the use of a superior penis health crème (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil, which is clinically proven mild and safe for skin) with a combination of a high-end emollient (such as Shea butter) and a natural hydrator (such as vitamin E). These two ingredients hydrate the skin and create a moisture lock which helps reduce common itching. Keeping the penis skin healthy through the use of a powerful antioxidant is also advised. A crème with the antioxidant alpha lipoic acid is well poised to fight the free radicals that cause oxidative stress in penis skin cells.

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Source by John Dugan

Views: 0

February 2, 2020
Can Enzyme Therapy Heal Breast Cancer?

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That is a million dollar question, isn't it? I can speak from my personal and professional experience, and say that I have seen Enzyme Therapy play a very important role in healing Breast Cancer, and many other types of cancers. What are enzymes and why do they work?

Let's start by understanding cancer cells and what is called the Trophoblast Theory, discovered by Dr. John Beard in the early 1900's. Trophoblasts are specialized cells of the placenta that multiply rapidly, invade the wall of the uterus and create its own blood supply. Cancer cells function in the same way: they multiply rapidly, invade other tissues and create their own blood flow.

Trophoblasts produce the hormone HCG which is the basis for the widely used pregnancy test. Cancer cells also produce HCG, as confirmed by a study done in 1977 by Dr. Robert Williams. He reported the presence of HCG, 2 and 3 years before a cancer diagnosis. There have been other studies indicating that this "pregnancy hormone" is present with various forms of cancer. (Learn how to STOP cancer before it starts with sensitive blood cancer markers, such as this one in references)

The placental Trophoblast cells continue to multiply and grow until something very interesting happens. On day 56 after conception, the fetus begins to secrete pancreatic enzymes . This STOPS the replication of the Trophoblasts and the placenta no longer continues to grow.

But as adults, don't we secrete pancreatic enzymes, specifically protease enzymes like trypsin? We do, but not in sufficient quantities. Our pancreas is over worked because of excess sugar and carbohydrate consumption. Eating cooked and processed food also puts a strain on our pancreas.

Years of application by various doctors such as Dr. William Kelley, Dr. Kelly Raber and Dr. Gonzales have proven time and time again, that Enzyme Therapy is extremely beneficial for cancer patients.

All enzymes accelerate reactions, or even permit reactions that otherwise would not happen, while the enzymes themselves end up unchanged. Enzymes therefore are catalysts and can act over and over again doing the same thing. The protease group of enzymes (trypsin, chymotrypsin) are specifically directed to proteins. Amylase attacks carbohydrates while lipases attack fats.

Cancer cells act as enzyme-inhibitors by secreting a number of substances that reversibly inhibit the proteases manufactured by the pancreas in the body (this is one of the reasons that high levels of pancreatin are needed to defeat cancer). Glyco-proteins in the form of lactate (a precursor to lactic acid) are also released from the cancer cells that also act as enzyme-inhibitors. That is only 1 of many reasons why one may need large doses of Pancreatic Enzymes.

Secondly, the theory is that pancreatic enzymes attack the proteins on the cancer cell membrane, making them weaker and more vulnerable to the Immune System. The electrical charge of the cancer cells seems to "attract" these enzymes, while our healthy cells repel them.

Slowly but surely, Enzyme Therapy is gaining recognition in the scientific journals. A study conducted in Colonge, Germany in cancer patients suffering from Breast and Colo-rectal Cancers, documented promising result with enzymes. The therapy significantly decreased tumor-induced and therapy induced side effects and complaints. They found that the enzymes had the following properties:

Boost the Immune System
Anti-inflammatory
Anti-infectious
Anti-tumor
Anti-metastatic

Enzyme Therapy has worked with thousands of people and all types of cancers.

Unfortunately, this type of therapy will never gain FDA approval because you can't patent an enzyme and make billions of dollars. The cancer industry is a sickness-based industry that will never find a "cure". The cure is already here and it can be found in lifestyle changes, organic nutrition, ingestion of cancer killing herbs, detoxification and emotional healing, or as I have coined the term, The 7 Essentials.

To learn more about Enzyme Therapy, visit the Cancer X Products in my store. Email me directly if you have any questions. Always consult with a professional and experienced health care provider that is familiar with enzymes – don't guess when it comes to your health.

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Source by Veronique D Desaulniers

Views: 0

January 29, 2020
Timeshare Sales Techniques – The Statement of Intent

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The statement of intent is an excellent sales tool for establishing a number of things right at the beginning of your sales presentation. Firstly and most importantly it is used to calm your clients down and make them feel more comfortable about being on a Timeshare or Holiday Club presentation.

Once you have collected your clients from the reception, have them seated correctly in the warm up area and ordered their drinks, you should give them what is known in the Timeshare Industry as “The Statement of Intent”. Or “Breaking of the pact”

Your clients are probably very nervous, either because of a past personal experience on a Timeshare presentation, or because of all the bad press and warnings they have read or heard about what happens when you attend a Timeshare sales presentation.

The easiest way to alleviate their fears is let them know exactly what is going to happen during their presentation. People only fear the unknown. So if you let them know what to expect and in what order. They will normally calm down immediately.

A good statement of intent should go something like this:

“Ok John and Mary, while we’re waiting for our drinks to arrive let me tell you exactly what’s going to happen while you’re with me here today”. “Firstly I’m going to ask you to help me with a brief holiday survey about where you’ve been in the past, where you would like to go in the future, and what you’ve liked or disliked about some of the holidays you’ve taken in the past. It’s a very important part of my job as the information people like you give us, help my company to keep up to date with the ever changing holiday trends and stay ahead of the competition, then I’m going to show you around the resort and you will see why we now have so many members in my holiday club and you’ll realise the benefits that my members get from being part of such a large and well established holiday company, at the end of my presentation you will be given the option of either saying no thanks, in which case I will make sure you get any gifts you have been promised and a taxi back to your hotel, or you can choose to join the other thousands of families who said yes and are now enjoying the many benefits of being part of my club and I will make sure my manager is available to sort out the best possible deal at the best possible price, either way the choice will be yours.” “All I ask is that you allow me to do a full presentation and answer all your questions before you make your choice.” “Is that fair enough?”

Now get all parties to agree and shake all their hands. At this point you must confirm that they are OK for time, that they’re not rushing of to meet any one in half an hour and they haven’t left Grandma alone on the beach in full sunshine.

Apart from relaxing your clients and making them more open minded, you will have also got rid of the time problem. If they start pushing you to speed things up you can just remind them that they agreed to allow you to do a full presentation and you shook hands on it.

Your clients will have agreed to give you at least ninety minutes. It’s up to you to turn that ninety minutes into a three hour presentation that ends in a deal!

They won’t even notice the time if you, entertain them, win them over, and close them using the “Simple Selling Skills” you’ll be learning when you keep dropping by my site on a weekly basis.

See you next week.

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Source by Alan Roy Hocking

Views: 0

January 29, 2020
Customer Trust and Loyalty

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Customer trust is a precondition for prosperity. Yet, most businesses…

o Act as if customer trust develops because the business believes it is honest.

o Build only a shallow type of trust that does not lead to profitable relationships and loyalty.

o Have no strategy to build the type of trust where customers increasingly value the relationship.

Now is an excellent time to aggressively and systematically work at building customer trust. Virtually all businesses have been tainted by the general rise in societal distrust of companies.

o A recent Datamonitor study of consumers in the USA and Europe found that 86% are less trusting of companies than they were five years ago.

o 80% of people stop buying products or services from companies when their trustworthiness comes into question (Edelman 2005 Trust Barometer)

o People spread distrust to friends and associates, the people we trust most.

o Over 33% who lose trust in a company, openly campaign against that company on the Internet.

The Datamonitor and Edelman research demonstrates that it goes beyond a few isolated cases. Furthermore, according to a Yankelovich study, more than two-thirds of people don’t believe advertisers and marketing. They see it as self-serving distortions.

Customers want to do business with companies they trust but, don’t know who to trust. Therefore, companies that proactively demonstrate trustworthiness stand to gain a tremendous source of competitive differentiation.

What is trust and why is it important to customer relationships? Webster gives two definitions of trust that help separate the wheat from the chaff.

1. firm belief or confidence in the honesty, integrity, reliability, justice of another person or thing.

2. confident expectation, anticipation, or hope; as in trust in the future.

Most companies believe they are trustworthy but only measure up to the first definition. They want to be known as a company that is honest, reliable and fair. They expect their products live up to expectations and when they don’t they think they treat customers equitably.

Do you think your company measures up? If you say yes, ask yourself what you proactively do to build this trust. Many companies have no deliberate strategy.

If you have a deliberate strategy, now might be a good time to question how well it is working. As mentioned above, Yankelovich’s research shows that most customers don’t believe your marketing and advertising. And, the Edelman Trust Barometer concluded that when looking for a credible source of information on a company or product, CEO’s, employees, public relations people and celebrities rank in the bottom half.

Measuring up to the first definition of trust is essential to sustainable and profitable customer relationships. However, even if customers believe your company is honest, reliable and fair, this is no guarantee they will be loyal and profitable. To garner commitment, profitability and high lifetime value, a company must measure up to Webster’s second definition as well.

Businesses that meet the first definition but not the second, run into the Satisficing Trust Barrier. Satisficing trust is the trust that allows a customer to feel comfortable in buying products or services from a company. It is a sense of confidence that the company will stand behind the product. It is sufficient trust to purchase a well-defined product, a commodity. In a world of abundance and overwhelming choice, satisficing trust does not insure repeat business. Customers buy commodities that offer the best trade-off between satisficing trust, price and convenience. Some companies become complacent because they feel they offer the best combination of the three. Unfortunately for them, all it takes to lose customers is for a competitor to create the perception of a better deal. No real relationship value has been accrued by the company who wins business this way.

The operative words in the second definition of trust are “hope” and “trust in the future.” Many purchases these days are not commodities; they are not well defined and may not have a track record. To make these types of purchases the customer must take a “leap-of-faith,” and this requires trust. In this type of trust the customer must believe that the vendor company is truly interested in a win-win relationship. That is, they are interested a long-term relationship where both parties benefit. This type of trust grows out of experience with a company demonstrating a real commitment to win-win. Since virtually all customers have been “burned,” companies often have to subjugate their short-term interests to stimulate the development of faithful trust.

Customer want to build relationships that help them more confidently make “leap-of-faith” decisions. Being able to rely on this trust helps them simplify things in an increasingly complex world. When this happens, trust in the relationship becomes more important to customers than price and convenience. It starts with “hopeful trust.” Customers want the best for themselves. They want to adapt and to embrace change, and they will place extremely high value in relationships that help. Customers are on the lookout for signs from companies that their “hopeful trust” will be well placed. But this “hopeful trust” is just a test. If experience demonstrates that trust in the relationships is justified, faithful trust will emerge.

When trust morphs from “hopeful” to “faithful,” a very significant twist occurs. The main concern of customers shifts from price and utility to the seeking of advice and guidance. When price is an issue, customers withhold information. When they seek guidance, they openly share. “Faithful trust” enables this openness. It also enables both parties to prosper and builds a basis for co-adaptation, now and in the future.

The trustworthy company gets the immediate sale, but they get much more. Snafus or mistakes that might have once terminated a relationship are now overlooked for the sake of the relationship. Customers become turbocharged advocates. They don’t merely tell others what you sell; they vouch for you and the relationship value you deliver. They come to depend on your business and, as a consequence, they want you to thrive.

The real-life story of Billy Blue, a men’s clothier in San Francisco illustrates the power of fully trusting relationships. Billy Blue’s thriving business took a nose dive during the dot.com crash. The downturn was so severe its owner, Billy Bragman, considered closing his doors. Instead, he wrote his customers a letter explaining the situation and asked them to buy more clothes. Even though many of his customers had their own business “trial and tribulations,” they increased their clothes purchases. One guy sent a check for $2,500 with a note saying, “You know what I like; just send me some new clothes.” Billy Blue customers could easily have turned to other men’s stores but they chose to support Billy Blue. They valued their relationship with Billy Blue and didn’t want it to go out of business.

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Source by John Todor

Views: 0

January 27, 2020