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Effective Restaurant Training Techniques: Jump-Start Your Training Program Today
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I have seen different types of training techniques for restaurant staff. Some restaurants send new hires to their corporate training school; others hire experienced staff thinking they already know how to work that position. I think all new staff members should receive quality training regardless of previous experience.

Each role in a restaurant is important for the restaurant’s success!

Management must be able to work in every position. Their knowledge of each job is vital. Managers must step into those other roles to maintain customer service. Some reasons could be if there is a call-out, or if the sales are higher than projected.

If people tell you that managing a restaurant is easy, they are dead wrong. In-fact it is the most difficult position in the restaurant. Running a restaurant is challenging; management needs to be able to multitask, give direction, and follow-up on that direction. Managers must be able to retain large amounts of information and make quick decisions and be ready to step into any position.

Managers are not born to run a restaurant; they are developed into that position. The same goes for the rest of the staff. Train the management staff, then the trainers. Management will oversee the trainers as they train the rest of the staff.

The most effective restaurant training techniques are:
- Show-Do-Review: The trainer shows the staff member how to do the task. Then the trainer observes the trainee actually doing the task. After completion, they review the task together and the trainer gives feedback to the new hire. The Show-Do-Review technique is especially effective in learning recipes, kitchen duties, cleaning tasks, or service tasks.
- The Memory Game: Once the new hire has some understanding of their new job, the trainer shadows the staff member and helps the new hire remember different key components of the job. Periodically the trainer will ask the trainee a question. If the trainee does not answer the question correctly, then the trainer will provide the answer. The trainer will continually repeat the question all throughout the day or night until the trainee answers it correctly. The purpose of the exercise is getting the staff member to retain the information. The Memory Game can be used to remember important food time and temperature, menu and recipe knowledge, service steps, or even manager responsibilities.
- Role-Playing: Role-playing is one of the most effective training techniques to use in creating top-notch performers. Existing staff members and new hires experience real life situations and “learn by doing”. The trainees will experience “real life” situations in a simulated and controlled environment. This technique allows the trainer to evaluate the trainee’s strengths and areas to improve. This also helps to develop an action plan so that the trainee can overcome any obstacles to their success. “Practice make perfect.” This technique allows the employees to see different perspectives, build confidence, and form good habits. The trainer will observe the role-playing and my correct the staff members periodically to ensure they on the right path. Role-playing is a great technique for service staff and managers to learn the proper way to handle customer questions or complaints, how to approach a table, and the steps of service.
- Shadowing: The trainee shadows the trainer, and the trainer shows the trainee the correct procedures in completing the assigned task. The trainer should ask open-ended questions in reference to the task. Once the trainee is more comfortable, then the trainer will shadow the employee. Communication between the staff members is crucial in developing the trainees. Shadowing could be used for nearly any role, especially on the first days and last days of training.
Once the trainer evaluates the staff member and determines that the employee has mastered that position, then that person is ready to work independently.

Management should observe or be involved in the training process to ensure that employee is receiving quality training. The general manager/owner oversees the managers. The general manager/owner may have the final say in whether a new employee is ready to work solo.

Utilize any tool available to help achieve the training goals. During the training process using feedback or assessment forms can help track the quality of the training. Documenting the progress of the training and reviewing it with the employee will help the employee to know your expectations. It also gives you a paper trail of that particular employees training.

Using a variety of training techniques for your restaurant is useful in getting all your staff on the same page. It also is more interesting than sitting down with someone and reading a scripted presentation. It will help you retain staff, because too many people are thrown into their jobs without the proper training and get frustrated and quit. Having a training program that is easy and effective is important in your restaurant’s success.

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Source by Jeffrey Schim

Views: 0
February 10, 2020
Lifestyle Changes

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Lifestyle Choices: Learn to Overcome Emotional Overeating

Overcoming emotional overeating can seem overwhelming, and setbacks can be expected. But the good news is, there are lifestyle choices that you can make to help overcome this problem.

The key word is choice – you can choose to follow a healthy lifestyle. Sometimes it helps to break things down into small, specific steps you can take (just trying to lead a “healthier lifestyle” is a bit vague!). Following are some of these specifics. And remember, setbacks and relapses are not unusual. Don’t beat yourself up; just start fresh tomorrow.

It is never too late to start afresh and start feeding your body with the nutrients it needs to sustain itself and function better as a whole.

Under-nourished people usually do not have the time or knowledge to ingest proper food and are thus losing out on a healthy lifestyle and risk putting their lives in jeopardy.

Exercise

Experts are in general agreement that regular exercise three to five days a week is most beneficial. This exercise should consist of at least 20 minutes of cardiovascular exercise (such as vigorous walking, jogging, biking, etc.) followed by some light toning or weight training. Committing to this regimen full-force is not necessarily the best way to go; if you can only exercise once or twice a week, that’s still better than nothing and will hopefully pave the way for more in the future.

Exercise is said to relieve emotional overeating in several ways. For one, exercise produces endorphins which are the body’s natural “feel good” hormones. For another, exercise prevents boredom and mindless eating, which is what you might be doing if you weren’t exercising! And finally, exercise will likely boost your self-image, helping to break the cycle of low self-esteem and poor self-image that “feeds” emotional overeating disorder.

Nature

Never underestimate the healing power of nature! For those with emotional overeating disorder, choosing to spend more time out in nature can be particularly beneficial. After all, in the natural realm there are no media messages to mess with your self-image, and being in nature connects you to your origins and the origins of food.

Some experts theorize that detachment from food and its natural source plays a role in emotional overeating disorder. Getting involved in nature and exploring and appreciating it can go a long way toward reconnecting with our biologically normal view of food. Maybe you can kill two birds with one stone and do your regular exercise outdoors!

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Source by Michael Oscar Pisani

Views: 0

February 9, 2020
Herbal Cure For Joint Pain

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Joint pain can be stressful and it can also limit the activities you can do comfortably. Severe joint ailments might also restrict mobility. The most common joint ailments that cause excruciating pain include arthritis and osteoarthritis. People are always looking for ways by means of which they can cure or at least relieve the discomfort. Herbal cure is probably one of the best that you can choose for pain relief. This is considering that it revolves around natural herbs which do not have any side effects.

Ayurveda is a natural healing process which offers a holistic approach allowing the patients to attain higher self harmony (atmay), mind (manas) and helps in regaining vital energy from the universe (prana), body and the senses. The Ayurvedic treatment process combines natural herbs and herbal minerals with no side effects. Meditation, yoga and use of massage are also practiced under this treatment to achieve complete wellness besides, getting rid of joint pain.

Arthritis Treatment

This is the most common joint condition people suffer from. It is a systemic, chronic inflammatory disorder which affects organs and tissues, thus leading to pain and ailing. It is a disease that can start with morning stiffness and fatigue extending to muscle ache, weakness and loss of appetite. Those suffering from this condition might use pharmaceutical drugs to relieve the pain, but it is not always a good option. Ayurvedic treatment for arthritis is probably the most effective herbal way of dealing with the pain.

This herbal treatment revolves around internal medicines and external therapies which help in dealing with and eliminating the pain of arthritis. It uses traditional Ayurvedic treatment methods together with classical Ayurvedic medicines to help with pain relief. The treatments are made up of:

Choorna Kizhi:

This is considered to be the most effective of all Ayurvedic treatments when it comes to rheumatoid arthritis, arthritis and osteoarthritis. The treatment uses a mixture of natural herbs which are applied to the body to an extent that the individual sweats profusely. The treatment requires that the patient is kept in different positions including left lateral, right lateral, supine and sitting positions.

Abhyangam:

This treatment uses special massage oil. The oil is applied using a variety of strokes lasting for up to 45 minutes every day for at least two weeks. The treatment is most suitable for osteoarthritis, obesity and body aches among others. The treatment nourishes the body, revitalizes the nervous system, helps overcome stress and fatigue, promotes good sleep, improves physical appearance, and builds self confidence.

Njavarakizhi:

This is another Ayurvedic treatment where the patient suffering from joint pain is rubbed with medicated herbal oils. It is applied all over the body and in different postures, including lying and sitting. The treatment uses cooked Njavara rice and a medicinal decoction used by the therapist for at least 14 days for complete joint pain relief to be enjoyed. Regular use of the Ayurvedic pain treatment methods has a way of offering a permanent cure for arthritis. This is because complete well being is promoted during the treatment.

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Source by Shalini Mittal

Views: 0

February 9, 2020
I’m Afraid My Husband Has Moved On And That It’s Too Late To Get Him Back: Insights That Might Help

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I often hear from wives who want to know when it’s too late to get their husband back. Some tell me that, in their minds, it is too late because their husband has seemed to “move on.” I often hear comments like “We’ve been separated for six months. I think my husband has started seeing someone else. I’m starting to think that this is the end and that it’s too late for us. If someone has moved on, does that mean the end of the marriage?”

Another example is something like: “My husband keeps telling me that we’re over and that it’s too late to do anything to save this marriage. Yesterday, he told me that he was moving on and that I should do the same thing. But I’m not sure how I can do this when it’s never going to be over for me. What can I do?”

The common denominator in all of these questions and comments is that what the person asking really wants to know is when is it too late to save your marriage. Do you reach that “too late” point when your spouse tells you they have moved on? Do you have to take their word for it?

Of course, I can’t definitively answer these questions for anyone because the answer depends on the specific people involved and the situation that they are in. But, I can offer you a perspective from my experiences and observations, which I’ll do in the following article.

Sometimes, Couples Do Reconcile After One Of Them Has “Moved On”: If there’s anything that I know for sure in this situation, it’s that it is possible for things to change. Feelings change. Perceptions change. Situations change also. Just because someone is proclaiming or insisting something today, this doesn’t mean that they can’t do a complete about face tomorrow.

I have seen divorced couples reconcile. I’ve seen couples who have been remarried to other people (sometimes for decent periods of time) decide to get back together. This doesn’t happen in every case, of course. But it most certainly can happen. Sometimes, there’s a change in circumstances which bring about a change of feelings. Other times, it happens spontaneously. But, much of the time, it’s part of a master plan meant to bring about small, gradual, and yet dramatic changes.

Why Hanging On Too Tightly Can Sometimes Backfire: Wives in this situation often tell me that they just can not accept that it’s over or that he has moved on. I do understand this as I was in these shoes and I know how frustrating and painful this whole process can be. However, I can also tell you that I hear from husbands in this situation too and it’s my experience and opinion that clinging too tightly or “refusing” to accept what he’s telling you will often make him feel less loving or receptive toward you rather than more so.

I know that it can be difficult to take step back or to pause when you’re so afraid that the second you do, he really will be gone. But sometimes, you just have to ask yourself if clinging so tightly has been working for you. Take a long look to see if your previous methods have really gained you anything.

Sometimes, if you are honest and can maintain a little distance, you can see that actually, you’ve only been making things worse. It’s really important to ask yourself if the attempts you’ve been making have been bringing him closer to you or improving things or if they’ve been pushing him further away and deteriorating things. If this is the case, sometimes, you come to realize that trying something new isn’t as risky as it may have first appeared.

Backing Off Or Taking Pause Is Not The Same As your Moving On: I sometimes have wives tell me things like: “maybe he’s moved on, but I will never be able to. I just can’t give up on our marriage or let go no matter what he says.” Another example is: “his moving on doesn’t mean that I have to.” All of these points are valid, but nothing says that you have to broadcast this to him. Because, when you’re asserting that you are absolutely not going to move on, then sometimes he will come to oppose you even more and think that he needs to ratchet up his efforts to change your mind. This of course, makes him move further away from you.

So, there are times when you are better off just telling yourself that, although you know full well how you feel, you’re no longer going to keep repeating this to him when he already knows it anyway. There’s nothing wrong with appearing to back off when you know all along that your plan is to gain some ground. And, sometimes you need a pause to gain some perspective and calm.

Taking time for yourself and taking a break from all of the drama can sometimes actually improve the situation. And sometimes, when you are suddenly silent or absent, your husband suddenly becomes interested again. This is what happened in my case, although it wasn’t by design.

No matter which way you chose to go, it’s my experience that you are almost always better off if you are able to maintain your respect and dignity. You want to portray yourself in the strongest way possible and this often requires you to act “as if” when you just aren’t feeling it or aren’t all that confident. Sometimes, it helps to remember the person your husband loved once upon a time and to show him that person when the opportunity genuinely presents itself.

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Source by Leslie Cane

Views: 0

February 6, 2020
Emotional Resilience in Children

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Emotional resilience is the ability to cope with stressful life experiences, disappointments, and challenges in an effective and meaningful way that helps to preserve self-esteem, build social aptitude, and prevent frustration, anger, and even depression. Emotional resilience learned early in life assists in recovering from misfortunes and disappointments, thus fostering emotional health.

Teaching your child to be emotionally resilient will help him / her be in control and build confidence to work through challenging situations effectively. Becoming emotionally resilient in childhood will provide a basic foundation for your child's emotional health in adolescence and adulthood.

Emotions shape your child's interactions with others and affect his or her behaviors resulting from those interactions. In order to prevent conflict, or deal with conflict effectively when it arises, your child should learn to understand his or her feelings, be able to identify them, and regulate them. It is important to teach children there is a whole gamut of emotions that can be expressed in various ways. However, knowing how to express them in a meaningful way will help your child in solving social conflicts and maintaining relationships. One way of promoting development of emotional competence is to help your child develop vocabulary that expresses feelings. Parents can also assist their children in recognizing various emotions and teaching them that emotions can be changed by their thinking.

Emotions are driven by behaviors. However, children must learn that emotions should not take control over their actions. It is crucial for children to know that expressing feelings helps in preventing and resolving problems. They need to be taught that bottled-up feelings lead to misunderstandings, anxiety, anger, and depression.

When your child does not express emotions, he or she is more likely to experience angry outbursts that might come from being sad, embarrassed, or frustrated. Perhaps, your child feels guilty about something he or she did, is afraid, or feels helpless and chooses to express those negative feelings of emotional stress with angry outbursts. This inability to deal with stress in a constructive way most of the time stems from the lack of understanding one's own emotions, emotions of others, and lacking the ability to express feelings effectively.

Signs of Emotional Fragility

– Regression of behaviors
– Withdrawal
– Excessive clinginess
– Bedwetting
– Nightmares
– Aggression

One of the most important things a parent can do to foster a child's healthy emotional development is to promote positive family communication. That includes positive reinforcement, which is praising your child for positive behaviors, giving encouragement, and avoidance of negative criticism when expected results are not achieved. Also, providing consistency is extremely important for a child's emotional health, as it aids in avoiding ambiguity and uncertainty. If a child knows what's expected of him or her, they will most likely comply, thus avoiding frustration, anger, and possibly humiliation.

Younger children might be more open and willing to express their feelings. In adolescence, family communication might become more challenging as the teen tries to suppress their feelings in an attempt to resolve them alone. Parenting teenagers requires patience and the ability to be supportive. Frequently, conversation with your teen at home might be extremely difficult. However, your teen may try to open up while riding with you in a car where there is no eye contact, thus the confrontation seems to be less intimidating. Building a sound foundation of emotional resilience in childhood will help your adolescent achieve emotional health. Should getting through to your child become impossible, or he or she becomes withdrawn and exhibits signs of emotional instability, don't be afraid to seek help. You may start by talking to another family member, a friend, or a counselor.

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Source by Monika B. Pis, Ph.D.

Views: 0

February 5, 2020
Your Thoughts Plus Emotion Create Thought Forms

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Think of a time you walked into a place and you felt peace surround you. Now think of a time when you felt discord surround you. Both times you experienced what is called thought forms. This is when the energy of your thoughts and feelings “take form.” An energy is created which is so strong it can be felt by others if they are paying attention.

Creating a Negative Thought Form

A passing thought, one without feeling, does not create a thought form. You need the power of your feelings to make such a creation. This is why it is crucial to manage your thoughts and emotions. What you hold in your mind surrounded by emotion stays with you. It can be supportive for you or it can hinder you.

Let’s say you are having a bad day. Things didn’t go well at work. Your lunch ended up in your lap and there was a traffic snarl which prevented you from getting home as scheduled. And, yes, when you walked in an hour late, the dog hadn’t been able to hold it and had pooped in an inconvenient place.

With each new thing that went wrong, your feelings of distress become stronger and more pronounced. You can almost feel a little black cloud of frustration or depression surround you. The longer this cloud of negative emotion surrounds you, the more difficult it is for you to pull yourself out of the emotional dumps.

Transforming the Negative to a Positive

To pull yourself out of the dark hole you find yourself, you need to get rid of the black cloud. How do you do that when one thing after another has gone wrong? It takes an act of will and determination on your part. Here are a few tricks.

1. Focus on your heart. You will find that your mood lightens when you do this.

2. Breathe in and out of your heart. This helps you to become even more centered.

3. See those heavy feelings as a cloud and see them being washed out of your body and into the ground.

4. Imagine a time of great joy, peace or relaxation. Really feel it and put a color to it.

5. Allow that color to expand outwards and totally surround you.

You’ve now changed the reality you created from one of darkness to one of joy.

If you do this on a regular basis you will find yourself being more disciplined about the thoughts and feelings you have. You will become aware that they are transitory and you can change them to something that will move you forward in life.

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Source by Cathy Chapman, Ph.D.

Views: 0

February 5, 2020
How Nootropics Make You A Better Entrepreneur

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Just imagine a pill you can take to enhance your points of view, increase your memory, and make you more productive. In it sounds like an ultimate life hack, you’re not the only one.

There are pills that guarantee that out there, yet how they work is a little complicated.

These pills are known as nootropics or smart drugs.

So what are nootropics?

Nootropics are a class of brain power enhancing supplements that are utilized to enhance focus and help to boost memory. Nootropics are regularly used to increase capacity to focus, help people concentrate more and reduce anxiety.

You will often observe Nootropics called as “smart drugs” as they are connected with increased intelligence, focus and motivation.

Be they are not at all like brilliant medications which can frequently bring about negative reactions or side effects with long term use. Nootropics are safe to use and pose a low risk of any side effects if used properly.

Numerous nootropics have similar systems of working by improving communication between neurons in your brain, adjusting neurotransmitter levels or by balancing brain cell health.

They also improve metabolism of your neurons, support neuroplasticity, or even support the development of new neurons and neurotransmitters.

How Nootropics work?

There are various sorts of Nootropic supplements accessible. Also, there are distinctive classifications and “families” of Nootropics, for example, Racetams and Ampakines.

Each of these particular supplements work in different ways and have different working mechanism. Given this, there is not one answer to the question “How Do Nootropics Work?” rather a wide range of answers.

There are however some basic ways in which nootropics work and modulate the neutrons in your brain. One of them is listed below

Together, the neurotransmitters and the receptors make up a “framework.” There are an immense huge number of these neuronal frameworks inside the mind.

What a Nootropic supplement does, generally, is to explicitly target and increase the proficiency of those frameworks which result in enhanced cognitive abilities.

How Nootropics will make you a better entrepreneur?

The initial step for an entrepreneur is to investigate what they are doing battling against. For some (myself included) it is to enhance focus and effectiveness during the working hours was my primary objective.

Diehard business people working 18-hour days require to last longer during the day and work normally when sleep deprived.

This is where nootropic role come into play. Below are the benefits of nootropics that will help you to become a better entrepreneur.

1. Increase concentration

Before you consider enhancing your memory capacities, you should first increase your concentration. Nootropics can help with that, particularly in case you can’t concentrate on a particular work over a longer period of time. This is a noteworthy issue with entrepreneurs who encounter inconvenience in concentrating for longer hours of work.

2. Enhances memory

It is easy to read and comprehend a specific topic but the vast majority discover it somewhat troublesome to recover data from their memory. Nootropics have appeared to have beneficial outcome on a man’s memory.

It enhances and repairs all parts of your memory capacities, including the working memory and recall. It additionally supports brain cell development and enhances the connections between the neurons. Aside from these advantages, they additionally repair the neuron, which thusly gives a help in comprehension of data information and recalling it.

3. Improves brain health

With busy schedule and poor diet, out brain takes a genuine bashing. Nootropics not only enhance your memory and information investigation but also improves the overall health of brain. They increases oxygen stream to the brain and maintains neurons and brain cells which keeps the brainwaves casual and more effective.

4. Better mood

The primary reason behind why many individuals can’t concentrate and focus at a specific task is foul mood. A few studies demonstrate that improper eating habits and sleeping habits can affect your mood. Nootropics can boost and stimulate mood enhancing neuroreceptors which makes your mood better and helps you to concentrate more.

Conclusion

Being an entrepreneur is not an easy job. You have to think outside the box that will make your business grow. Nootropics can help you to concentrate more and help you make your product awesome. If with a single nootropic you do not see significant results, you can combine different nootropics to see greater results. This is known as nootropic stacks.

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Source by Ritika Singh

Views: 0

February 4, 2020
Created To Bond – Changes That Heal Part II
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Failure To Develop Relationships

Emotional ties have a dramatic effect on our well-being. When one fails to develop relationships or bond with others, it can and often does affect their ability to stave off or recover from a variety of not only physical but also emotional ills. When they learn to attach to and trust others, they begin to develop not only emotionally, but also psychologically. Thus, their ability to bond with others… to become closely knit, often carryover into their home life.

When a child is distressed, he/she may show unusual signs such as increased pulse, increased or labored respiration, helplessness, and hopelessness and may easily become enraged. These signs are often seen when the biological parent remarries and the child tends to believe that he/she must compete with the step-parent for the biological parent’s attention.

When the adoptive or step-parent enters the situation with food, physical contact, compassion and other help, the child learns her parents can meet her needs. The child is then more active and able to respond to stimulation such as playing. When the child is content, she is able to sleep and feel comfortable in her surroundings.

According to Deborah Gray, author of Attaching in Adoption, “attachment is a relationship formed primarily with members of the family and requires more time and interaction to be created. Attachment is what most adoptive parents are referring to when they talk about bonding with their child. Adopted children of all ages may have an attachment to their birth family, even if the relationship was neglectful or abusive. Many adoption experts agree that if a child can form an attachment to birth and foster parents, she will have the skills to attach to her adoptive family as well.”

Signs of Secure Attachment

The parental attachment process can often take weeks or years to fully develop, and in some cases there maybe pervasive attachment disorders for which professional therapy will be required. A strong indicator of whether attachment is taking place is the comfort with which the adoptive or step-parent is able to recognize the child’s needs. It is important to remember that the repetition of parents meeting a child’s needs is the foundation of forming a secure attachment with children of all ages, not just infants.

The attachment bond shapes an infant’s brain

The attachment bond is the term for our first interactive love relationship-the one we had with our primary caregivers, that is, our mothers. The mother-child attachment bond is instrumental in shaping infants brains. This important attachment profoundly influences our self-esteem, our expectations of others, and our ability to attract and maintain successful relationships. So, the success, or failure, of our first love-the attachment bond-has a life-long effect.

Our secure attachment bond shapes our abilities to:
- feel safe
- develop meaningful connections with others
- explore our world
- deal with stress
- balance emotions
- experience comfort and security
- make sense of our lives
- create positive memories and expectations of relationships
Attachment bonds are as unique as we are. Primary caretakers do not have to be perfect. They do not have to always be in agreement with their infants’ emotions, but it helps if they are emotionally available a majority of the time.

We were born with an innate or preprogrammed need to bond with one very significant person-our primary caregiver, usually our mother. Like all infants, you were a small bundle of disjointed emotions-intensely experiencing fear, anger, sadness, and joy, often at the same time. The natural emotional attachment that grew between you and your caregiver was the first interactive relationship of your life, and it depended upon nonverbal communication. Therefore, the bonding you experienced in this relationship determined how you would relate to other people throughout your life. This bonding relationship established the foundation for all verbal and nonverbal communication in your future relationships.

For better or worse, the attachment bond profoundly influences the infant brain. It is a baby’s first love relationship. When the primary caretaker can manage personal stress, calm the infant, communicate through emotion, share joy, and forgive easily, the young child’s nervous system becomes “securely attached.” The strong foundation of a secure attachment bond enables the child to be self-confident, trusting, hopeful, and comfortable in the face of conflict. As an adult, he or she will be flexible, creative, hopeful, and optimistic.

People who fail to establish this type of bonding relationship often experience confusing, frightening, or broken emotional communications during their infancy and often grow into adults who have difficulty understanding their own emotions and the feelings of others. This hampers their ability to establish, build and/or maintain attachments leading to successful relationships.

What is Attachment?

Attachment is the relationship between infants and their primary caregivers-is responsible for:
- shaping the success or failure of future intimate relationships
- the ability to maintain a normal emotional balance
- the ability to enjoy being ourselves and to find satisfaction in being with others
- the ability to successfully rebound from various disappointments, discouragement, and misfortune
Many scientific studies of the brain-and the primary role attachment plays in shaping it-has given us a new basis for understanding why vast numbers of people have great difficulty communicating with the most important individuals in their work and love lives. Once, we could only use guesswork to try and determine why important relationships never evolved, or developed chronic problems, or fell apart. Now, thanks to new insights into brain development, we can understand what it takes to help build and nurture productive and meaningful relationships at home and at work.

What is the attachment bond?

The mother-child bond is the primary force in infant development, according to the attachment bond theory pioneered by English psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth. The theory has gained strength through worldwide scientific studies and the use of brain imaging technology.

The attachment bond theory states that the relationship between infants and primary caretakers is responsible for:
- shaping all of our future relationships
- strengthening or damaging our abilities to focus, be conscious of our feelings, and calm ourselves
- the ability to bounce back from misfortune
Scientific research reveals the infant/adult interactions that result in a successful, secure attachment, where both people are aware of the other’s feelings and emotions is the necessary precursor for successful relationships. These studies also reveal troubled, or insecure attachment, in which the communication of feelings fails thus resulting in an inability to form the bind needed to establish a solid relationship. Researchers found that in order to have successful adult relationships there must exist in us and we must depend on the ability to:
- manage stress
- stay “tuned in” with emotions
- use communicative body language
- be playful in a mutually engaging manner
- be readily forgiving, relinquishing grudges
The same research also found that when an insecure attachment exists some type of abuse may have caused it, but it is just as likely to be caused by isolation or loneliness. These recent discoveries offer a new glimpse into successful love relationships. Taking these observations into account often provides the keys to identifying and repairing a love relationship that is strained or falling apart.

Insecure attachment affects adult relationships

Insecurity can be a significant problem in all of our lives, and it usually takes root when an infant’s attachment bond fails to provide the child with sufficient structure, recognition, understanding, safety, and mutual accord. These insecurities may lead us to:
- Tune out and turn off-Most often, if our parent is unavailable and self-absorbed, we may-as children-get lost in our own inner world, we become introverted, avoiding any close, emotional connections. This often causes us as adults to become physically and emotionally distant in relationships.
- Remain insecure-If we have parents who are inconsistent or intrusive, it’s more than likely that we will become unrealistically anxious and fearful, never knowing what to expect. Then as adults, we may become willingly available one moment and totally rejecting the next.
- Become disorganized, aggressive and angry-When our early needs for emotional closeness and comfort is neglected, or when a parent’s erratic behavior is a source of disorienting terror, emotional problems are sure to follow. As we grow into adults, we may lack the ability to love easily and may unknowingly be insensitive to the needs of our partner.
- Develop slowly-Problems often occur when we fail to develop as rapidly as we should, both emotionally and intellectually. Such developmental delays often manifest themselves in the form of deficits and often result in subsequent physical and mental health problems, and generally lead to social and learning disabilities.
Lessons Learned From Our Attachment Bond

There are many powerful, life-altering lessons we learn from our attachment bond-our first love relationship continues to teach us as adults. The gut-level knowledge we gained from this bond then guides us in improving our adult relationships and making them secure.

Lesson No. 1-All adult relationships depend on nonverbal forms of communication for their success. These nonverbal communication skills are learned in infancy. Newborn infants cannot talk, reason or plan; yet they are equipped to make sure their needs are met. Infants don’t know what they need, they feel what they need, and communicate accordingly. When an infant communicates with a caretaker who understands and meets their physical and emotional needs an attachment takes place and the strength of that attachment influences other relationships later in life.

Lesson No. 2-Relationships in which the parties are tuned in to each other’s emotions are called attuned relationships, and attuned relationships teach us that:
- nonverbal cues deeply impact our love relationships
- as we play it helps us smooth over the turbulent times we endure in love relationships
- inevitable conflicts can build trusting relationships if we approach them without fear or a need to punish or retaliate
When we can recognize knee-jerk memories, perceive expectations, inappropriate attitudes, unfounded assumptions and improper behaviors as problems resulting from insecure attachment bonds, we can squelch their influence and their effect on our adult relationships. That recognition allows us to readily reconstruct the healthy nonverbal communication skills that ultimately produce an attuned attachment and successful relationship.

Becoming an Adult and Relationship Orientation

As we grow into adulthood, for the most part we bring with us the ideas and communication lessons we have learned from the time of our infancy. Whether these are good or bad depends on our ability to not only view life from our perspective but also have the ability and the willingness to see things from the other person’s point of view as well. When we are able to do that, then we are in a more astute position to deal with situations and circumstances that are adverse to us.

As we move through the adolescent stage of life we find ourselves at odds not only with others but also with ourselves. We want to be an adult with all of its rights and privileges sooner that we can become one, yet at the same time we want to abdicate the responsibility that goes with that station in life. It is a time of being able to make your own decisions and taking authority over your own life, but you are not there yet. You must learn to maintain control of your impulsiveness and your inhibitions. You must be able to objectionably reevaluate your beliefs, see your parents and authority figures realistically, recognize and pursue your God-given talents and goals, and be willing to take ultimate responsibility for yourself. Finally you must be able to accept and appreciate people who are different.

This ability helps us to be able to accept the good and the bad because we are able to address situations in a mature manner. When we are able to do this, we place ourselves into a position of strength, resulting in a proper evaluation of ourselves. Thus we are able to overcome some of the most persistent problems we face daily because now we are not only able to see things in black and white but also in the various shades of gray. As such, we are able to make allowances for our and other peoples mistakes.

We at that point come to realize that everything in life doesn’t have to go our way in order for us to be happy. We gain a new perspective on ourselves, others and God as a result of our changed thinking. We are then able to deal with each other with mercy, in grace, with the understanding that we too make mistakes. When we move into the realm of tolerance and forgiveness, we are able to love others without them having to be perfect.

Yet, in order to accomplish the task and responsibility of growing up we must also be willing to take responsibility and be accountable for those things of which we have been put in charge. Those things include our attitude, tongue, and actions. As we continue to grow in stature and wisdom the maturity level of our life should also increase proportionately.

Differences Between Men And Women

From my experience in dealing with women, (my mother, aunts, seven sisters and many friends and associates) I find that the majority of women are generally oriented towards their existing friendship networks whereas men were more interested in meeting new people and finding people who had similar interests — in other words, men would rather enjoy the adventure of reaching out to new people rather than cementing their existing relationships.

These results contribute to the growing research on social capital, networking and highlight the importance of examining specific interactive applications. The importance of distinguishing between strong and weak ties plays a major role in establishing new relationships. Also, it is necessary to consider the importance of taking into account gender differences in social interaction patterns. Whereas, women increase their bonding social capital as a result of using these sites but men do not. Women, on the other hand, show a decrease in bonding social capital with those whom they meet outside of their normal sphere of influence.

The fear of incorporating emotional intimacy into these association/relationships is mainly due to a fear of rejection and engulfment – a fear of losing the other and/or losing yourself. To overcome this obstacle you must be able to establish an inner bond with yourself. Inner Bonding is a transformational process for healing the fear of intimacy related ideas that have been carried from past experiences.

The mental visualization of these experiences often cause us to digress into a self-contained state of emotional security that hinders our ability to openly tolerate the inconsistencies we see in others. As a result, we ourselves are moved to a protective state and therefore unable to deal with the negative feelings that we will invariably experience. This barrier can block us from resolving issues that in reality are non-issues.

The Immaturity In Adolescence

Struggles with adolescent identity and depression usually set in when an adolescent experiences a loss. The most important loss in their lives is the changing relationship between the adolescent and their parents. Adolescents may also experience strife in their relationships with friends. This may be due to the activities their friends take part in, such as smoking, which causes adolescents to feel as though participating in such activities themselves is likely essential to maintaining these friendships. Teen depression can be extremely intense at times because of physical and hormonal changes but emotional instability is part of adolescence. Their changing mind, body and relationships often present themselves as stressful and that change, they assume, is something to be feared.

Your experiences in life help you to mature. The maturity is developed when you know you have no one to blame for the past but the circumstances and your immaturity. Oftentimes your immaturity stopped you from having a proper perspective of the facts facts and seeing things as they were. This made you blame others for your sufferings. You may have created and escalated your suffering without realizing the facts and circumstances and taking a easy way out by holding others responsible for it.

You feel you are always on the receiving end of every wrong or perceived wrong due to your immaturity. However, life has a knack of replaying memories and after few years it recreates the same circumstances but this time puts you on the opposite side (giving end), you are left with no choice but to accept the fact that you were so immature then and have grow-up with years. As you mature, life makes you see your ‘old you’ in somebody else now in these replaying of circumstances and you know that the other person still has to wait years ahead to grow and realize these facts.

Maturity slowly leads to wisdom when you know that it is only you who has to stand up and take responsibility for your past – action / inaction, sufferings / failures instead of holding others responsible. It is truly said that you create your own happiness. By blaming others and holding grudges you keep happiness at bay and give way to hatred and self pity. However, with time and wisdom when you accept the responsibility for your sufferings and embrace all your successes without pride -you are truly happy.

Divorce And Its Affects On Maturity

Children of divorced parents often bitterly vow not to repeat the same mistakes. They want to avoid putting themselves and their own children through the pain that comes from the dissolution of a marriage. But, according to University of Utah researcher Nicholas H. Wolfinger, these children’s aspirations face unfavorable odds. “Growing up in a divorced family greatly increases the chances of ending one’s own marriage, a phenomenon called the divorce cycle or the intergenerational transmission of divorce.” Dr. Wolfinger has spent almost a decade studying the marriages of children from divorced homes in America. These children are more likely to marry during their teenage years, cohabitate and marry someone who is also a child of divorced parents. And they are also one-third less likely to marry if they are over age 20.

“Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages,” by Wolfinger, published by Cambridge University Press, contains important information for those interested in divorce and its repercussions. “Divorce is an important topic because it has so many consequences for well-being,” writes Wolfinger,

“Its transmission between generations adds a whole new dimension by perpetuating the cycle of divorce. The divorce cycle, in short, can be thought of as a cascade. Ending a marriage starts a cycle that threatens to affect increasing numbers of people over time, a sobering thought in an era when half of all new marriages fail.” His research also suggests that if one spouse comes from divorced parents, the couple may be up to twice as likely to divorce. Spouses who are both children of divorced parents are three times more likely to divorce as couples who both hail from intact families.

Besides observing the marital stability of the offspring of divorced couples, Wolfinger’s book provides another perspective on how parental divorce affects offspring marriage timing, mate selection, cohabitating relationships as well as historical trends in the divorce cycle. Wolfinger also explores the divorce reform movement in America and argues in favor of no-fault divorce laws, arguing that a return to an age of tough divorce laws would recreate the social conditions that used to make divorce harder on children.

It is my opinion considering all that has been written on this subject that one reason children from divorced families get divorced more often is because they have a tendency to marry as teenagers. Social history demonstrates that the older you are when you marry, the less likely you are to get divorced. It’s good advice for everyone.”

On the other hand, the more transitions children experience while growing up, the more they will experience as adults. Taking this into consideration, the question that needs to be asked is, “What is the hardest for kids is how many disruptions they experience — the up-and-down cycles.

This is a valid question because many children will have stepparents, and some will see their new families dissolve. This type of disruption occurs any time they lose a parent — except from death. That’s different, and doesn’t have the same negative effects on children… whereas divorce is ambiguous. Children wonder whether the divorce was their fault or who is to blame. And they wonder ‘Is he coming back?’” It is certainly good news that people are less likely to stay in high conflict marriages than they used to. However, “ending a low-conflict marriage may hurt children as much as staying in a high-conflict family,” and the odds of divorce transmission are actually highest if parents dissolve a marriage after little or no conflict. It therefore behooves us to evaluate the effects divorce will have upon our children and their emotional well being should we decide to travel that road.

But before making that decision, we should honestly examine ourselves and the motivating things that are moving us in that direction. This inventory, if prayerfully done will allow us to see the other persons point of view more clearly and thereby make the necessary adjustments, where warranted, to resolve the issues that precipitated situation to begin with. If we are truly willing to continue the relationship, then we must take the necessary steps needed to resolve the issues of what is good or bad by first considering what we could have done to alleviate the problem rather than casting blame. When we allow the power of forgiveness to flow in us we cannot only deal with the past and present, but also the future as bonds are cemented.

Gray, Deborah. Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents. Indiana:Perspectives Press Inc., 2002.

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Source by Franklyn T. Johnson, Ph.D

Views: 0
February 3, 2020
The 8 P’s of Success

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Every time I try to cook rice, I either end up having mini popcorns or my rice end up turning into a thick paste of porridge. Trust me, I have tried and you can say I haven’t succeeded yet. Success, according to Oxford dictionary, is achieving something that you have been trying to do or get. Though this is not exhaustive, here are the 8 P’s of Success.

1. Purpose

Find and have something worth living and dying for. Your purpose could be raising your children or making a difference in other people’s lives. When you find your purpose, life takes on a new and different meaning.

2. Passion

Sleep, walk, talk and see yourself achieving your vision and goals. Say you want to be a better parent or salesperson, the more you repeat and affirm this to yourself and those near you, the better off you are. Constant affirmations help to remind us of our goals.

3. Persistence

Don’t give up even when you don’t see results. Most of the time, results don’t appear in relation to the efforts you might be putting into achieving your desired goals. The good thing is; something is happening beneath the surface and you need to keep doing your best in order to see your desired results.

4. Practice

Keep working. We have all heard the saying, if at first you don’t succeed; keep trying, again and again. Constant practice helps teach us how to do it better. Make sure you keep going whether there are results or not.

5. Patience

Be patient with those who should (but don’t understand) your vision or goal. And above all, be patient with yourself. Often when people don’t affirm us or fail to recognize and appreciate our efforts, it isn’t cause we are failures. It could be because they don’t understand know how best to encourage or affirm us. Look at it this way. The fact that you are having an umbrella doesn’t stop the rain from falling from the skies! You should, in like manner keep going.

6. People

Have people around you, even those you cannot stand because they will help you to improve. Seek their opinion, listen and soldier on knowing that no man has succeeded in becoming an island. Read books, listen to audio tapes, ask questions and attend motivational speaking engagements.

7. Prayer

Involve God in everything you do by seeking His guidance, provision, wisdom and the grace to keep going on.

8. Plunge in

Launch into what you want to do and just get it done. Do not give procrastination a foothold in your life. Do not wait for the perfect and ideal situation, environment or time. Just go for it and give it your best. Remember, you don’t have to see it on your family tree to attempt it.

“The person you struggle with the most, has the most to teach you… about yourself.” – Shawne Duperon

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Source by James Odhiambo

Views: 0

February 3, 2020
How to Select the Right Hair Transplant Doctor

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1. Do your research

Before selecting a doctor for the job, it is very important that you do your research. Use the Internet as well as referrals from your friends and family to make a list of at least 4 to 5 best hair transplant surgeons for hair loss treatment in the town.

Note: Though the best way to find the right surgeon is through a referral, avoid referrals from your hairstylist. Friends and family are the most trusted sources in any case.

2. Find the right doctor

Once you have prepared the list of doctors, book consultation with all of them to have a better understanding of their skills and the services they offer. During the consultation, judge your physician for his approach towards hair restoration. He or she should have holistic approach towards the surgery and must be able to help you evaluate your hair restoration options, both surgical and non surgical. Also make sure that hair restoration is the primary focus of your physician’s practice.

Based on the above facts, choose the best physician out of the list.

3. Find the right clinic

Besides choosing the right doctor, it is also important that you choose the best clinic in the town that is patient focused. Check if the clinic has made investment in state of the art equipment as well as in hiring the most skilled staff that is dedicated and trained for all types of Hair Transplant surgeries.

4. Ask for references

Another thing that helps in selecting the right doctor for the procedure is his score. Ask your doctor how many patients he has produced for excellent results. It will be very good if the surgeon could give you a couple of references – the patients he or she has operated over the last few months. You can meet them to know their experience. This will give you a better idea of the surgical skills as well as patient handling of your prospective surgeon.

5. Before and after pictures

After references, the best source to check the surgical skills and the results the surgeon has produced in the past is the “Before and After Pictures” of the patients your prospective physician has operated in the past.

6. Read the reviews

You can also have a better understanding of the physician’s reputation in the hair transplant industry by reading the patient reviews on different hair transplant related discussion forums on internet. A vast majority of patients participates in these online discussion forums and post not only their experiences but also their before and after photos.

7. Don’t let low prices tempt you

Having that said, never let the low prices tempt you. Nurse practitioners and assistants are also performing hair transplant surgeries nowadays, at quite cheap rates. But don’t compromise on the quality of the services just to get the surgery done at cheaper rates.

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Source by S Muddassar Shah

Views: 0

February 3, 2020