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Relationship Secrets – How to Stay Happy

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You found that someone special. You know you want to spend the rest of your life with that one person. You know that being able to spend the rest of your life together is your idea of bliss. But we all know there are no guarantees in life. So, how can you make sure you both stay happy, each with the other? What are the secrets to staying happy and content in your relationship? This article provides five relationship secrets to keeping your relationship amazing.

Relationship Secret #1: Quality Couple Time

One of the greatest secrets in keeping a relationship healthy and strong is to spend quality time together, doing the things you both love together. That might mean a quiet evening at home. It might mean going ballroom dancing. It might mean dinner and a movie. The more quality time you have together, the more warm loving memories you co-create. The more warm loving memories you both share, the stronger your relationship will be.

Relationship Secret #2: Communicate Openly with Genuine Concern, Each for the Other

Perhaps the most important relationship secret is the imperative for both members of a couple to dialogue openly with one another, each with a genuine concern for the feelings, wishes, needs and desires of the other. You may not always agree with each other, but when you dialogue with a genuine concern for one another, you will always find that mutually agreeable way forward. And, in so doing, you will both co-create a strong foundation for a lifetime of happiness together.

Relationship Secret #3: Keep Your Partner ‘Safe’

An extension of the second relationship secret, is to keep your partner ‘safe’. This means that when you are both with family and friends, you take a united stand with your life partner. Similarly, if they are going through a difficult situation, you let your partner know that you will always be there for them. It might be as simple as giving them a hug and standing right beside them if/when they have to face a previous partner.

Relationship Secret #4: Make Each Other Your GO TO Person

This relationship secret builds on the second and third ones. When you create an environment of open dialogue, and you both feel ‘safe’, you will become each other’s GO TO person when there are personal or professional problems to address. Each time you seek each other’s help with a problem, you strengthen your coupledom bond even further. On the receiving side of the equation, you feel your partner’s love. On the giving side of the equation, you experience the joy in being able to help your partner through a tough problem.

Relationship Secret #5: Do Things Just Because Your Partner Will Love It

Finally, you will make your life partner’s day when you do things for them, simply because you know how much your partner will love it. You can be really creative in finding more ways to put a delighted smile on your partner’s face.

And when you do things because you know how much your partner will love it, you may be delighted to find that your life partner will spontaneously do something special for you too. This is not a case of quid pro quo. Instead, it is a matter of doing something special for your partner because you enjoy seeing the delighted smile on your partner’s face. In turn, your partner will want to do something equally special to see the delighted smile on your face.

These five secrets are very powerful. And yet, they are just the beginning. The longer you have been part of a couple, the more skilled you both become in nurturing one another’s happiness. So, start with these five secrets, be creative and go from there. Your relationship will be better for it.

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Source by Dr. Rachel Abramson, Ph.D

Views: 0

November 12, 2022
I’m Hoping That My Marital Separation Will Only Be Temporary. How Do I Communicate With My Spouse?

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Many people are understandably confused about how they should communicate with their separated spouse, especially when they are hoping that the break is going to be only temporary. Some have people advising them that it’s better to speak only sparingly, while their heart might be telling them that they want to keep in constant communication.

Someone might ask, “how are you supposed to keep in touch with a separated spouse? I’m hopeful that we will not be separated for very long, but I don’t know that for sure. My husband did make a point of getting a week to week place rather than signing a lease, so that does offer me a bit of encouragement. Still, things are not really all that great between us. We don’t fight horribly or anything, but we just seem to misunderstand one another all of the time, so things are tense and chilly. I am used to talking to my husband multiple times per day, but I don’t know how to proceed now. Some of my friends tell me that I need to follow the ‘no contact’ rule, but I don’t like the sound of that. I want to know that my husband is okay and I’d hope that he’d feel the same about me. Still, it would feel awkward calling and have him not sound like he is happy to hear from me. So I am not sure how I should be communicating and how often. What do most couples do about this?”

It truly does depend on the couple and on the state of the marriage. In my experience, it greatly helps to try to agree on the agree that you’ll talk on certain nights and see one another at regular times, this is ideal. It allows you to check in regularly. Plus, literally seeing one another allows you to still be invested in each other’s lives.

I know that this might seem like overkill, but too many couples leave this to chance and then some time goes by and then it’s suddenly awkward and weird to call. People also tend to assume the worst of each other when they aren’t in regular communication. So if your spouse is receptive to regular communication, I’ve found that this is best.

With this said, sometimes one of the spouses doesn’t want excessive contact initially, especially when things are volatile. In this instance, texting can be better than nothing. That allows you to check in and let your spouse know that you are thinking of him, while it’s not as intrusive as calling so that he has to pick up.

To be honest, I see “no contact” going wrong more than I see it being helpful. Often, with “no contact” the couple just drifts further and further away and assumes the worst of one another. The only time that I’ve seen “no contact” work is when one spouse is blatantly rejecting the other so much that communication is only possible when the rejected spouse is doing all of the heavy lifting. I had to do a variation on this, but I wouldn’t call what I did “no contact.” My husband got very tired of me always asking how he felt and what he wanted. When he wouldn’t answer me, I’d just keep calling and texting. He eventually shut down. It got to where I really had no choice but to back off. I went out of town. I told him that I was going and that I was available if he wanted to talk. I checked in every once in a while. So this wasn’t traditional “no contact,” where I completely went silent. I just toned down the communication on my end because it had become too much. But I made it clear that he could reach out to me at any time. And he eventually did. So it was to my benefit to tone down what my husband perceived as overbearing behavior. However, I would never have given my husband the perception that I didn’t want to talk to him and wasn’t available.

Ideally, it’s best to have open and regular communication in a way that feels comfortable to both spouses. You may prefer phone conversations. Your husband might prefer texting. You might want to actually see each other at regular intervals. Whatever works for you is okay. But in my experience, it’s best to remain in contact if you can make that work. It’s so easy to not check in and then before long, you’ll find that things have deteriorated even further. You’ll worry that your spouse is seeing other people or avoiding you. These things are avoidable if you communicate, but I realize that not everyone has that luxury. Sometimes, a text might be all that you get. But at least you know that your spouse is okay and is checking in. I tried to tell myself that my goal for each communication was to make it so that my husband was open and receptive the next time that we communicated. When you leave things on a positive note, then it’s more likely to be pleasant the next time. When you look at it this way, you are more likely to be in regular communication, which in my experience is the ideal way to go.

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Source by Leslie Cane

Views: 0

November 12, 2022
A SMART Approach, To Better Health

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If you asked most people, they would state, one of their priorities, is living, a happy, healthy life! Being healthier, and happier, means focusing on the best way, for you, to use a smarter way, to become a healthier person! Wouldn’t it be great, if, we could use, a SMART approach, to better health? What would this represent, and mean, and what methods, considerations, and mind – set, might enhance our possibilities, and personal action? With that in mind, this article will attempt to, briefly, consider, examine, review, and discuss, using the mnemonic approach, what this means and represents, and why, it might be, in our best interests, to pay some attention to these items.

1. Self; sustainable; symptoms; solutions; stronger: How can anyone, become stronger, more fulfilled, etc, unless/ until, he pays attention to his personal self – interests, and what he really wants, and makes him happiest, and most contented? It is smart, to look at the bigger, sustainable paths, than seeking instant gratification (and disregarding ramifications)! Do you know, the symptoms, of being happy, versus, what stresses you, in a negative way? Smarter people, always, seek solutions, which make them, consistently, stronger, better, and more content!

2. Motivated; maintenance; MD: Will you be, motivated, enough, to consistently, perform, personal maintenance, and use every opportunity, in your personal best interests? Always consult, a medical doctor (MD), in order to ensure, there is no significant ailment, and/ or, illness/ disease, so you might be able to proceed, with the finest, overall, wellness procedure!

3. Attitude; attention; articulate concerns: When visiting a health professional, it’s important to fully express and articulate your concerns, ailments, etc, in order to be fully examined, etc. Proceed, with a can – do, positive attitude, and pay attention, to the finest possibilities!

4. Reasoning/ rationale; research; relevant; real: Consider your reasoning, and rationale, and research your options, alternatives, etc. Know the difference between relevant scenarios, and, less important ones! Keep it real, and never, merely, accept rumors, or, opinions, and investigate the research, and realities!

5. Trends; timely; total health: Recognize, realize, and understand, every trend, which might be helpful, to you, in you quest, for a healthier existence! Never procrastinate, in taking actions, which might be in your best interests, but, rather, take timely, well – considered actions, focused on optimizing, your total health, and well – being!

Are you willing to take some SMART approaches, to a healthier life? Will you commit to proceeding, with a can – do, open – mind?

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Source by Richard Brody

Views: 1

November 12, 2022
Money Is Actually Important

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“If you think that money is not important, you don’t have any”

After hearing the panelist make this comment, I immediately looked around the room to see who he just offended. Although I agree with him, I was surprised to hear him make such a strong comment in such a public forum. The truth is, this type of belief makes people without money, and no plans to get it, feel better. I have heard this a thousand times from family and friends when the topic of money comes up.

I remember growing up and watching the movie “Can’t Buy Me Love” in school. The basic idea of the movie is that an unpopular male high schooler is desperate for approval and pays the lead cheerleader to date him for a month; or to at least make it look as though they are dating. This way he will become popular, which was a guarantee of his happiness. The result was that she starts to fall for him and he does in fact become popular. The popularity however, does not make him happy. In fact, the lesson was that money cannot buy you happiness. He was much happier with his original relationships than he was with the new ones from the “cool crowd”. I was in elementary school when this movie was shown to my class and I still remember it.

I have always believed that money cannot buy happiness and that I could honestly be fulfilled without it, but I still wanted it and I still pursued it. I focused a huge part of my life to attain it and now, after all the years of hard work and struggle, I am glad I did. I live a very happy and fulfilled life, and money enhances it.

I relate money to alcohol. Alcohol, when consumed responsibly, can enhance an experience. It can make challenging situations easier and it can bond people together. It can also ruin your life! A difference of course, is that alcohol is much easier to get, but outside of that, there are a lot of similarities. They both are enhancers and they both can be addictive. They both can ease stress, but they both can create stress too. I know rich people that are miserable, and I know rich people that are happy. The money does not create one or the other.

There was a time as I was trying to create wealth that I lost almost everything financially. I went through an extremely challenging time in my business and my personal financial life. I stopped answering the phone because I knew it was debt collectors on the other end. I learned a great deal with this experience. One thing I know for sure is that I never want to be broke again. Although I believe having money is not a guarantee to happiness, not having money is a guarantee of at least some stress and pain. It is possible to be happy without money, but it is a hell of a lot easier with it. Money is important.

From my experience, the only sure-fire way to happiness is through solid relationships. These days I spend a lot more energy strengthening relationships with friends and family that make me happy. I also focus on limiting time and energy into relationships that drain me or do not make me happy. This is tough to do, but the results are positive. Over the years in business, my circle of friends has shifted to more supportive and positive people. This happened organically, but now that I am aware of it, I can focus on it. The real estate industry has been good to me in many ways, but the most important is the people that I have met and that I now spend time with. Some of the most generous, supportive, and amazing people in the world are real estate investors. It is helpful to have a little extra cash to have amazing experiences with people I want to be around.

It is true money alone will not make you happy, but it sure helps. Money is important.

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Source by Kevin Amolsch

Views: 1

November 11, 2022
Successfully Resolve Customer Service Problems to Retain Customer Loyalty

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It seems that as our technology improves, the business/customer relationship is declining. With online technical and sales support, the personal side of customer relations is not as prevalent. There is no longer any loyalty to a business and its products and services. This trend can cause a significant decrease in sales. One way to counteract this trend is to resolve customer service problems successfully and efficiently in order to retain customer loyalty.

The following list outlines simple but effective methods of successfully resolving customer service problems:

Create a Customer Complaint Department: The best way to deal with customer complaints effectively and efficiently is to have experts who are able to manage irate customers with their problems

Be Polite and Courteous: If a customer walks into a business or calls, it is important that the customer service representative takes the time to show that they care and are willing to listen and help. Empathize with the customer’s problem. An angry customer will calm down if they feel they are valued and respected. Be positive.

Record the Problem: Writing the complaint down and the actions that will be taken helps avoid any misunderstandings. It also shows the customer that the matter is important to the business.

Provide Solutions or Methods of Resolving the Problem: Don’t list business policies and practices. This will only infuriate the customer. Work with the customer to come up with a solution that will satisfy the customer. If possible, don’t pass the problem off to another representative or transfer the call to someone else. If you do, make sure the new representative has all of the pertinent information so the customer does not have to repeat himself.

Empathize, Don’t Apologize: A direct apology will assign blame to the company. It is better to empathize using such phrases as: ‘I am sorry you have had such a difficult time with our product.’ It will show that you care about the customer’s situation. Try to understand the customer’s feelings and point of view. Understanding will go a long way in satisfying the customer.

Keep Your Promises: Make sure that you don’t make promises that you can’t keep. It will reflect badly on the company and make you look incompetent. The customer will also appreciate reliable service.

Produce Positive Results: Always follow through with your plan to resolve the problem. Bad or poor quality service will cause you to lose customers. The key to maintaining customers is to always follow through with your promise.

Offer loyalty Incentives: If the problem cannot be adequately resolved, offer a customer an incentive so they will continue being a loyal customer. This can include giving them a replacement product or service along with a gift or discount on their next purchase. Everyone loves free things. It will make the customer feel appreciated.

Think of customer complaints as lessons for improving customer care. The solution to great customer service is being able to identify the type of customer you are dealing with. To reap the rewards of customer loyalty, the customer needs to be put first when there is a problem. Showing the customer you care and are willing to resolve the problem efficiently and effectively will go a long way in retaining customer loyalty. Customer loyalty cannot be established immediately, but the investment is well worth it. A happy and satisfied customer is essential to achieving a successful and long term business.

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Source by Amy Nutt

Views: 1

November 11, 2022
Why Do We Love Cats So Much?
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Kittens are immeasurably cute. If you’re having a bad day and you walk up to a kitten, I know they will be able to make you feel better. You will catch yourself smiling every now and then, because who can resist their charm? No one.

Each cat has its own distinguishing characters and personalities. They feel like tiny humans to us who own one or two cats, and we treat them as such.

When cats just want their own “me-time”, as their owner, those are the times you find yourself craving for their attention.

And you get extra excited when they do want your attention. They probably just want to use you to rub their belly or pet them, but it makes you feel good nonetheless.

Cats are natural activists, although they prefer indoors. When they’re not plainly ignoring you, or sleeping, they could just decide to knock a few things off your tables because they know they can. They would move around the house knocking things over, trying to fit through tiny spaces or even visit your laundry room for a quick “let me sit on this clothes and scare my human” activity. Whatever it is they do, we always love them for it.

There are numerous reasons as to why lots of people love having dogs around – they would always greet their owners at the door upon their return, they enjoy having their owners love and attention, and they are always happy having their owners around – which are almost similar to that of cats too. Many people think that cats don’t like hanging around with their owners in the house, but us with cats know them best. We know that they’re not as anti-social as their reputation precedes them to be.

To those of us, myself included, who own one or more cats at home, we can boldly say that we rarely ever truly feel alone. Those fluffy little things are godsend. I have gotten so attached to mine that I don’t think I could ever live without cats anymore.

Even when my cat prefers to stay on his own and refuse to engage with me – since cats don’t share physical contact with humans as much as dogs – do, just knowing that my cat is with me is enough comfort to get me through the day.

There would be times when my cat would behave in an annoying manner, and even though what he did was wrong and he deserved to be punished for it, I would still forgive him from the bottom of my heart. How could I not? Cats are the cutest when angry.

Just like any other pets, cats also feel very much like a child – even when they are older. To people who love taking care of their children, or any children, cats also feel quite similar to them in certain ways:
- They need you constantly;
- They need your attention and affection always and;
- They are always happy when you care for them.
Bottom line, having a cat is a great bonus for those who love being needed and appreciated.

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Source by Karina Popa

Views: 0
November 11, 2022
How Can I Increase My Husband’s Love For Me When He Wants To Leave?

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I sometimes hear from wives who are fairly certain that their husband is going to leave them. Some of them just have a strong feeling or suspicion that their husband is unhappy. Others have husbands who have been very honest about the fact that he is considering moving out. Many of the wives do not want to accept this. Some of them concede that the marriage does have problems, but most don’t believe that the problem is serious enough to end the marriage. Most of the wives just want to buckle down, focus on the love that is left in the marriage, and try to salvage their family. The wife usually figures that if the love is there, everything else can be fixed. Sometimes, the husband clues in on this, begins to pull away, and starts to make the wife worry that he no longer loves her in the way that he used to. So, she puts two and two together and starts to believe that if she can just make him “love her more,” then he won’t want to leave any longer.

She might say, “I can tell by the way that my husband acts that he doesn’t love me like he used to. And I know that it’s not just my imagination – because, in the past, he has talked about moving out. First, he was going to do it in the fall, but then Thanksgiving and Christmas rolled around, so he didn’t. Then he got really frustrated with me again in March and I am pretty sure that he was looking for another place to live, but his mother got ill, so he had to deal with that. At this point, I just want to make him love me more so that I don’t have to deal with this moving out threat every few months. I can’t keep waiting for issues to come up that are going to discourage him from moving out. How do I increase his love for me so that he won’t want to move out?”

Why You Don’t Want To Let Any Hint Of Manipulation Into This Mix: This situation is so tricky on so many levels. First of all, the second that you try to “make” someone feel or do something, then you introduce elements of both manipulation and desperation into the mix. Those things are never good. If a husband is already feeling somewhat annoyed, knowing that his wife is trying to “make” him do something is not going to bring about loving feelings. It is usually going to encourage him to do just the opposite – he might instead back away and retreat. Worse, he may then limit your access to him, which suddenly makes your job a lot harder.

Take Stock Of What Is Positive: I don’t know you and I know even less about your marriage. But it could be telling that your husband is still in your home. A man who was completely miserable or at the end of his rope would leave and would not let anything stop him – regardless of the holidays or his extended family. If the situation was truly intolerable, he would go first and worry about the timing or the details second. I’m not saying that he’s happy. I’m just saying that the situation may not be dire just yet. You may still have time.

I know that your inclination right now is to panic and to pressure your husband more. These are the last things that you should do. Think about what attracted your husband to you initially. It probably wasn’t a panicked woman who wanted to lay claim on him and to hold him in a tight grasp. No, it was probably a playful woman who listened intently when he talked and who expected the same from him.

Fixing What Is Fixable: One really good way to entice him to love you more is to take away the things that make him love the situation less. What I mean by that is that often, it is the circumstances surrounding the marriage that draws out the feelings within it. You can have a hard time feeling love when you are so stressed that you can’t even spend quality time with your spouse. It can be hard to feel love when you are fighting. The very best thing that you can do is to create an atmosphere that is conducive to loving feelings and then remove what pollutes that atmosphere. If you know that it drives your husband crazy when you are clingy, then stop. Control what you can – and this is normally your behavior, not his.

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Source by Leslie Cane

Views: 0

November 10, 2022
Breaking Down the Strip-Lining Sales Technique

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In our most recent blogs, we’ve been reviewing Negative Reverse Selling and how it is very effective in creating great bonding and rapport with sales prospects. Negative Reverse Selling is a way of saying and doing the opposite of what the prospect expects from a salesperson, disarming them and creating trust with them. One of its more compelling techniques is called strip-lining, a method of using reverse questions to get the prospect talking, and you keep “throwing more line and let them swim”. However, you need to do this step right or it could backfire on you. When you do it correctly, prospects feel like they are in control of the conversation, and you have a better chance of making a sale. Practice this step frequently in low risk situations before using it on your biggest and best prospects.

What should you practice? Getting the fit right means executing as follows:

• Neutral prospects get very hard strip-lines, such as, “It sounds like you’re very happy and I should leave. Before I go, what do you like about who you’re doing business with now?”

• Negative prospects get hard strip-lines, but not as hard as neutral prospects. For example, “Based on what you just said about your current vendor, it makes sense to me why you’re not interested in switching your business to another company. We get great feedback like that from our customers, too, but your vendor sounds really good at what they do. I don’t know if you can do any better than that. There doesn’t seem to be much opportunity for us to work together here, is there?”

• Positive prospects get strip-lines that are just a light tug: “Thanks for reaching out to us. I have to say, your friend Bronwyn gets almost all the credit for having a great experience with us. She was very good about explaining the application problem, and that really helped her have a happy outcome with us. Since I don’t know your application, I’m not sure if I can help you at this point. Could you be nice enough to tell me about it?”

In all three examples, you’ll find three components. Look at each of them, and you’ll see how strip-line responses are structured.

1. The first component is a build-up (a compliment or validation of the prospect’s point of view). In the above, an example of that was, “It sounds like you’re very happy.”

2. The second component is a takeaway (a conclusion that goes in the opposite direction to what the prospect expects). In the above, an example was, “… and I should leave.”

3. The third component is a question (a continuation of the discussion). In the above, an example was, “Before I go, what do you like about who you’re doing business with now?”

Looking at the example above for positive prospects, notice the buildup portion of the response validates how well things went “with Bronwyn” and gives most of the credit to her: “Thanks for reaching out to us. I have to say, your friend Bronwyn gets almost all the credit for having a great experience with us. She was very good about explaining the application problem, and that really helped her have a happy outcome with us.”

The takeaway portion includes words to the effect that you’re not yet convinced you can help the prospect. “Since I don’t know your application, I’m not sure if I can help you as well at this point.”

The third part, the question, is pretty obvious; you ask a question to start to understand the application, the problem, and ultimately the prospect’s pain: “Could you be nice enough to tell me about it?”

When you strip-line a prospect using all three components of the technique, you are likeliest to uncover the most meaningful information. You now know what a good fit looks like. What does a bad fit look like? Let’s say a prospect calls your office and says, “I’ve heard really good things about your company. A friend of mine, Bronwyn, told me all about you, and I’m very interested in doing business with you.” Obviously, that’s a positive prospect. It wouldn’t be appropriate for you to do a hard strip-line since the prospect is almost ready to buy. Saying to the prospect, “You must have used some other vendors in our space. Why wouldn’t you want to use them now?” will not only confuse the prospect, but would probably ruin the sale. So that’s a bad fit. Instead, you’d want to use the approach I shared with you above, the one that begins “Thanks for reaching out.”

Sometimes the prospect says something that more or less does the buildup for you. In that case, you don’t need to do it, but you still need to do the takeaway and pose the question. For example if the prospect says, “I heard really good things about your company,” you could strip-line by saying, “That’s nice to hear, but we’re not for everyone. Would you like to tell me why you thought it might have been a good idea to call, and hopefully we find out that we’re a good fit”?

In summary: Strip-line very hard with neutral pros-pects, even sounding like you are getting ready to leave the sales call or implying that you think the sales call is over; strip- line hard with negative prospects; strip-line lightly with positive prospects.

Strip-lining is a great way to uncover pain because it’s extremely disarming and helps build trust. When you do it right, it doesn’t sound like you’re selling. Prospects feel like you truly embrace and care about their goals and pain. (As, of course, you do!) If you don’t uncover pain with strip-lining, then perhaps that particular prospect doesn’t have enough pain to do business with you. Strip-lining combined with other pain-finding Sandler approaches will put you in a different league from all those other salespeople who traditionally start with the hard sell, list off features and benefits, and offer prospects free quotes.

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Source by Greg Nanigian

Views: 0

November 10, 2022
People Are Not Very Supportive Of My Marital Separation. They Aren’t Happy For Me If Things Improve

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I sometimes hear from people who are getting some hurtful feedback from those who are supposed to be “supporting” them during their marital separation. Sometimes, this so-called support comes from friends or family members. It can even come from the “support group” that you specifically joined in order to feel lifted up during your separation, which can be incredibly disappointing. Someone might say, “I did not really want to burden my family, friends, or coworkers with details about my separation. They know that I am separated, but I just don’t want to hear people’s personal opinions about my husband or my marriage. I am hoping to reconcile and so I don’t want to influence their opinions about my husband or about our relationship. However, I wanted a place to talk things through and to feel supported so I joined a support group for people going through a separation / divorce. The first week felt pretty good, but maybe that is because everyone was on their best behavior. I have to admit that the last few weeks, it really hasn’t gone well. I want to reconcile with my husband. I was looking for people who could identify with what I was going through to keep my spirits up while I was waiting to see what happened with my marriage. However, many of these people are getting ready to divorce and are quite bitter and angry. If I try to relay good news that happened between my husband and myself during the week, I sometimes get sarcastic comments. Someone might say ‘well, just wait. He’s just trying to be nice to you so that you’ll accept the divorce later.’ These type of comments are obviously not what I want to hear. I don’t mind expressing my fears, but I want people to try to talk me down or to help me look on the bright side. I don’t want people to tell me that the worst case scenario is going to happen or that all separations end in divorce. This is why I didn’t tell some friends and family, but now I am getting this with the support group. And yet, I know that I need support, so I am not sure what to do.”

I can really identify with what you are saying. I told some people about my own separation and I really came to regret it. Some of my friends became really angry with my husband and never really got over it – even after we reconciled. By then, I’d long forgiven my husband, and I just wanted to move on. But some people wouldn’t let it go. The thing is, with some people, if you tell them your most personal issues, then you’d better be ready to talk about those same issues every single time that you talk with them because they want to keep bringing it up and picking the scab. That is why you have to be really careful about who you confide in. Some people will project their own experiences and fears onto your experience and obviously, this doesn’t help you. Just because there are people in the support group who may be headed for divorce, this does not mean that you will be. At some point, I just had to tell people who weren’t supportive that I valued their friendship, but that I needed to talk about something else. Then I sought support elsewhere.

If you have not tried counseling, that is probably the very best option for support. They are trained professionals whose only job is to help you. They don’t know you outside of this and therefore are not going to let other things bleed into the reason for your being there. That is really the ideal scenario, but if you are resistant to counseling, then you have to pick your “trusted support person” carefully. If you truly feel that the support group isn’t going to improve, then you want to make sure that if you decide to end this support system, then you have already replaced it with a new and better one. Honestly, my ideal support person was not who I thought that it would be. It was someone from work who I did not know very well and perhaps that helped. She didn’t have all of the history with me that some of my other friends did. And she had separated and reconciled previously so she understood my thought process. Our interactions always left me feeling better, and not worse.

I often journaled my feelings on weekends because I knew that I needed to get them out and didn’t have access to my best support person. I came to decide that I’d rather journal to release my feelings than to have unsupportive people make me feel worse.

It’s important to remember that you can control who you allow to influence you. It’s possible to politely retreat when people aren’t understanding or supportive. It can be really important to surround yourself with positivity because it’s easy to get discouraged. And it’s very important to remember that people’s unsupportive reactions usually have more to do with their situation than with yours. They are projecting their own life and their own problems onto you, which just isn’t fair. If the support group isn’t providing the support that you need and is just making you feel worse, there’s nothing wrong with politely seeking support elsewhere. Because support is very important, but it can be tricky and difficult to find the right, objective person or group of people. At the same time, you don’t want to alienate family and friends, which is why it’s fine to just change the subject and ask to discuss something else.

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Source by Leslie Cane

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November 10, 2022
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May 9, 2020