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  • My Husband Says That I Am Too High Maintenance

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    Any complaint that causes your husband to disconnect from your marriage, to distance himself from you, or to consider a separation hurts. There is no scenario where this isn’t painful. But I suspect that it can feel a little more painful when the reason for his distance seems personal.

    What I mean by that is that sometimes, a man will be unhappy because of reasons that have to do with him. He may be having a midlife crisis. He may believe that marriage doesn’t suit his ideology. He may be having a personal crisis. I am not saying that these scenarios are not horribly painful. They are. But at least the wife has no reason to blame herself.

    And then there are the scenarios where things do feel personal. These are the instances where your husband is blaming the issues in the marriage on the wife. It could be something that she has done or something about her, about her actions, or about her personality that is the supposed problem.

    Here’s an example. A husband might tell his wife that being with her is “exhausting.” She might explain: “for the past three months or so, I have been noticing my husband acting distant and weird. I confronted him about it right away, but he denied that there was a problem. Then we were at a family gathering this weekend and it was held outside in 90 degree heat. Like everyone else, I said it was hot and wanted to leave after dinner because I felt sick. My husband got angry at me and said he was tired of dealing with my ‘high maintenance personality.’ As we were leaving, he said that being married to me is ‘exhausting’ and that he may want a separation because he can not stand living his life this way anymore. He says that nothing makes me happy and that I can’t just sit back and roll with the punches of life like a normal person. He says that I am spoiled. He says that he feels like he always has to pick up the slack. I admit that I am not as thick skinned as some when it comes to sitting in the heat all day, but that doesn’t make me a bad person. And he knew that when he married me. I told him that I could try to change and he said that people like me never change and that we are just not compatible. He says that I make him ‘feel tired’ and he doesn’t want to feel that way anymore. Where does that leave me? I don’t want to lose my husband. This really hurts my feelings and feels like a personal attack. But I could forgive it and move on if he would give me the chance. The problem is that he does not seem at all receptive to me right now.”

    I understand why you are hurt. These types of issues can feel, and sound, like a criticism. When someone tells you that you are ‘exhausting,’ that phrase makes it seem as if they no longer want to do the work to keep up with you. Of course it hurts.

    Understand The Context In Which The Comments Were Made: I think that your husband’s ‘fatigue’ might be due to the fact that the maintenance issue may have bothered him for a while, but he sat silent and said nothing – even when you asked him what was bothering him. So things built up until they exploded. His silence is not your fault. And things may have been easier now if he had addressed the problem much earlier – before he became so angry that he lashed out at you.

    Know That Context Doesn’t Mean That It Isn’t Time To Take Action: It’s normal to hope that this will blow over. And it may – for now. But any time a husband is uttering words that indicate he is tired of your marriage or thinks that there is a compatibility issue, you want to pay very close attention and you want to take action right away. I say this not to scare you, but from the concerned place of someone who was in a similar situation. I hoped for the problem to pass over, but I ultimately ending up separated. I think that I possibly could have avoided that fate by taking action at the first sign of trouble.

    Moving Forward Quickly: It’s unfortunate that your husband waited so long to share that this issue has been bothering him, but you can’t undo that at this point. What you can do, however, is be careful of what (and who) you are presenting to him moving forward. It doesn’t sound as if he has made definite plans to move out or to pursue a separation, which means that you may have some time to address this.

    Sit back and be really honest with yourself. Which of his concerns have some validity? What is he right about? Is this issue something that other friends and family members have expressed? If so, then there is nothing wrong with addressing it. Sometimes, it takes a painful situation to stimulate growth. If you take this and use it to move you forward so that you grow and improve in some way, then at least the pain will have been for something. At least you can use this as a stimulus to improve your marriage.

    If you are very honest and you find that his words do not have validity, then you may went to dig a little deeper. Sometimes, a husband will project another problem onto to what is obvious or handy. It may not have been the heat or your personality at all during that family gathering. But the situation might have given your husband an easy explanation. Sometimes, a husband can be frustrated and not quite sure why. That’s one more reason why it’s very important to be extremely observant right now – so that you are taking action on the items that are truly at issue.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

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  • Role of Alternative Medicine in Modern Society

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    Typically, alternative medicine differs from traditional medicine in that alternative medicine is older and what we might call unconventional or non-Western medicine. Alternative medicine does not follow the traditional science and research that current medicines undergo. Alternative medicine could also be termed complementary or traditional medicine or the therapies that can be integrated into current medicine. The staff of the National Library of Medicine of the United States classified alternative medicine under the category of complementary therapies in their Medical Subjects Heading Section. This was done in the year 2002. The definition provided was that alternative medicine therapeutic practices were not considered as an integral part of the traditional allopathic medicine. Therapies like acupuncture, dieting, physical therapy like exercises or yoga, etc. are termed as alternative medicine. These therapies are called complementary when they are used along with conventional treatments. If they are done in place of conventional treatments, they are known as alternative treatments.

    In April 1995, the panel of National Institutes of Health, Bethesda, Maryland, worked on Definition & Description, CAM Research Methodology Conference, Office of Alternative Medicine. The panel defined alternative medicine and complementary medicine as those healing resources that encompass all health systems and practices that are different from the dominant health system of a particular society or culture. Usually, therapies like ayurveda, herbal medicine, folk medicine, homeopathy, acupuncture, naturopathy, diet practices, chiropractic, music therapy, massage, pranic healing, etc. are classified as alternative or complementary medicine. People who do not find a cure, remedy or success in allopathic medicine generally try alternative medicine. Such people generally suffer from cancer, arthritis, acquired immuno deficiency syndrome (AIDS), chronic back pain, etc. Therapies included under alternative medicine would cease to be included in that category once their efficacy is proven and they are considered safe and effective. They are then considered as part of traditional medicine. An example would be chiropractors. Twenty years ago insurance would not pay for them as they were considered “alternative and ineffective.” Today thousands of people have been helped by chiropractors and they are now recognized in the medical community. A similar movement is underway in the nutritional supplement and nutraceutical industry.

    Over the years, more and more people have been using alternative medicine because traditional medicine is not working for them. The 2004 survey by the National Center for Complementary & Alternative Medicine of the United States revealed that approximately 36% of Americans used alternative medicine in 2002. If alternative medicine is used in conjunction with traditional allopathic medicine, an integrative doctor is a person’s best option. Some traditional doctors are adamantly against or simply do not believe in complementary medicine, even though research continues to show the benefits of many compounds. Your doctor should be informed about other approaches you may be using and if they are not comfortable with that then always feel free to choose another doctor. This would enable the doctor to foresee any possible complications or a better time in which to use a complementary therapy. The concern in using alternative medicine stems from the fact that some practitioners of alternative medicine do not have an accredited medical degree and therefore do not have a valid medical license. However, in recent times, many educational institutions and universities have started offering courses in homeopathy, ayurveda, siddha, unani, acupuncture, and naturopathy. The recent growth in this industry is evident by the many people demanding different, and in some cases better, care than what they are receiving in “modern medicine.” They are no longer accepting the fact that they need to suffer with pain or illness because modern pharmacy does not have a magic bullet for them.

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    Source by Darren Dunner

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  • Metcalfe’s Law And Multi Level Marketing Exponential Growth

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    You may be wondering what has Metcalfe’s Law got to do with your multi-level marketing business. Here is why, Metcalfe’s Law will effect a exponential growth to your multi-level marketing business if applied appropriately.

    According to Wikidepia, Metcalfe’s law states that the value of a telecommunications network is proportional to the square of the number of users of the system (n2). First formulated by Robert Metcalfe in regard to Ethernet, Metcalfe’s law explains many of the network effects of communication technologies and networks such as the Internet and World Wide Web. The number of unique connections in a network of a number of nodes (n) can be expressed mathematically as n*(n-1)/2.

    The law has often been illustrated using the example of fax machines: A single fax machine is useless, but the value of every fax machine increases with the total number of fax machines in the network, because the total number of people with whom each user may send and receive documents increases.

    To put Metcalfe’s Law into perspective, every new user in your case, your business partner or downline expands the possibilities for everyone else who’s already there. Thereby it is important to know this law because it likens to why you are build your multi-level marketing business. Know that your business will be spurred exponentially when it hit a certain point. And that each business partner is significant in contributing to this law.

    Therefore, hang in there and keep recruiting, because every new business partner you have in your multi-level marketing business, you are expanding the circle of possibilities.

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    Source by JY Chia

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