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  • Advantages And Disadvantages Of Living In Apartments And Villas

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    Today, villas are becoming very popular. As opposed to the space you get to enjoy in a villa, residing at an apartment can be very restrictive, most especially when you have kids. Property experts emphasized though that living in both have their own pros and cons. By being aware of these pieces of information, you can decide if buying a villa instead of staying at an apartment in a hotel is a smart decision or not.

    Living In An Apartment

    Certainly, security is better if you choose to live in an apartment. A non-resident individual can’t just enter in an apartment building. Neighbors will also be very close to know it something bad is going on and can quickly call the police. When it comes to water, gas, and electricity, life will be a lot easier. These things will be provided by the building. Maintenance will also be stress-free due to the fact that the real estate owner is responsible for the building’s upkeep. In case there will be a park where your family and friends can spend quality time in, it is likewise the building owner’s responsibility to keep it clean and damage-free. Most importantly, you will get access to important facilities.

    On the other hand, maintenance costs can be very expensive – this will depend on which building you bought the apartment in. Since you have nearby neighbors, your conversations may possibly be heard. But you can always make your apartment soundproof. You may also have a limited space. Moreover, expansion is not possible because if you purchase an apartment, the area you have invested in is fixed. Of course, you can’t just break down a wall if you want to make your area more spacious.

    Buying A Villa

    If you choose to buy a villa, you will get to enjoy freedom. You will not feel like you are a prisoner inside. This further means that your movement won’t be limited. In fact, you can expand if you really want to and decorate your room with whatever design you prefer. Moreover, you can have a garden in your yard. A garden will make your property more beautiful. If not, you can choose to install a swimming pool in your yard if it does not have one yet. Lastly, a villa will certainly make you appreciate what a real home feels like.

    On the contrary, security is not tight if you live in a villa, most especially when you are away. Apart from that, you will also need to pay for facilities, and manage gas, electricity, and water by yourself. Most importantly, the location might be a bit hassle to you if you are working within the city.

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    Source by Brian E Bell

    Views: 0

  • Mindset Vs Skill – How to Succeed in Business

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    An online mentor of mine, Jennifer Allwood, shares that “business is 20% strategy and 80% mindset”. While the “strategy” of a business is very important, to be successful you must have the right mindset about yourself, your company and your customers.

    If you are a small business owner and you are looking for the “secret strategy” to change your business, you could spend all of your time in search of strategy. For example, scroll through Facebook and you will see the 100’s of trainers, coaches and experts who are trying to sell you the latest “gadget” for success.

    Stop enrolling in every Free Group and Free Download that you see. You are WASTING your time by chasing a shiny new object that is just not out there.

    Learn the skills you need, know your audience, and stay plugged in to your industry. After that? It’s all about Mindset.

    How do you know if you have a mindset problem?

    You keep searching for the “right” skill, the “right” training or that “right” coach that will give you the Magic Pill or Secret Sauce for success. Here are a few examples that might indicate you have a mindset problem:

    • Complain about the success of others
    • Enroll in every course/training you see on social media
    • Continue to ask for the Right Words to describe your product or what you do
    • Buy every planner in search of a better system
    • Always busy but not completing Income Producing Activities
    • Not consistent in small, daily activities

    If you are searching constantly for skills, then you don’t believe in yourself or your business. To succeed, you need the mindset component along with the skills.

    Subconscious Mind

    Your Subconscious Mind runs the show based on unfiltered information known as beliefs. Your Mind believes everything that you think. For example, when you say these things, your mind believes it:

    • Why am I so stupid?
    • I will never get that promotion.
    • I’m not very pretty.
    • I’m not smart enough.
    • I’ll never be successful like “Suzy”.

    Each and every time you say these phrases out loud and in your mind, your brain believes the statement! Next, you must learn how to change your mindset.

    How to Change Your Mindset?

    If we know that changing our mindset is key, then why are we not doing it? And most importantly how do we change our mindset? It’s not easy, but keep it simple and you can Change Your Mindset!

    There are several recommendations that I can make for changing your mindset.

    • Personal Development?-?I highly recommend Mel Robbins and her resources.
    • Daily Affirmations! Write them on your bathroom mirror or maybe a Pinterest board.
    • Eliminate Distractions and get new friends
    • Don’t allow yourself to say negative things about yourself
    • Make it an everyday habit

    To get the life you want, you must let go of old limiting beliefs. Tackle the mindset beliefs that are keeping you from moving forward, keeping you from reaching your greatness!

    If you have a small business, please know that you must have the skills for your business. But, you must also have the right mindset for success. You need skills and mindset!

    How do you continually feed your mindset?

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    Source by Kathleen C Olivieri

    Views: 0

  • The Husband and Wife Relationship – Understand the Dynamics

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    The relationship between a husband and wife are usually complex, and many married couples do not understand the dynamics of the relationship they are in this is the cause of many failing relationships. For a really strong marriage they both need to understand how the dynamics of a husband and wife relationship works. The key to the question of dynamics is to appreciate just how men and woman are poles apart not only physically but more importantly emotionally and mentally.

    These differences are best illustrated when you consider the way a husband and wife relationship approaches the matter of problem solving, which shows how they approach problems in completely different ways

    The wife will typically talk about the problem with friends and family alike, explore different angles for a solution then combine that research with input from her group of family and friends. This may take some time because women in general like to discuss various solutions and how they feel and relate to the problem, before deciding on any one answer.

    The husband on the other hand is more likely tom be a solitary thinker and by virtue of that will be unlikely to discuss the problem with anyone till he has decided on the solution to the problem.

    In the husband and wife relationship, problems can be caused by their opposite approach to problem solving, the husband could think that she is taking the problem lightly by talking too much to her friends and family when in his opinion she should be thinking rather than talking about the solution. Conversely the wife may be concerned that he is not addressing their problems because he is not talking about it, when in reality the reason he is not talking about it is that it is constantly on his mind but he has not yet come up with an answer to discuss.

    Some of the time a wife can talk about a problem she may have, simply to vent her feelings about a certain matter, to lessen the tension they feel rather than to get an opinion on how to solve the issue. In that way she express her thoughts in front of her friends who in the main will empathize with her while not necessarily offering their opinion as to the solution. Men on the other hand rarely talks about a problem unless he wants advice or help to reach a solution to the problem

    The danger is in this situation is that a husband might give his wife his considered opinion as to the solution to a problem, thinking that he is solving things in the way he thinks he is expected to, while his wife is thinking that he does want to listen to the problem and just giving an answer to put an end to the matter.

    Though not totally accurate the above example illustrates how the usual differences between men’s and women’s approach to problem solving work out. Understanding they way in which the different genders react can help to stop arguments about the way things are done, consider your partners needs before you act.

    The Husband and wife relationship understand the dynamics and you will builder a stronger and longer lasting relationship.

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    Source by Tom Janic

    Views: 0

  • Wealthy Women Seeking Men? How To Find Wealthy Women Looking for Men!

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    The internet is a goldmine. And often a goldmine of wealthy women seeking men. You just need to know where to look and how to dig! This short article is aimed at men who want to find wealthy women looking for men. I will share with you all the tips I know.

    Where NOT to dig…

    Wealthy ladies tend to equate money with value. Therefore, you will not find them using free dating classifieds (like Craigslist.com) or free dating sites.

    X marks the spot…

    The two most high-population places online for you to find wealthy women looking for men are “millionaire dating” sites and any of the popular dating service (those that EVERYONE seems to join at one time or another).

    Saving your gold…

    Most of us cannot afford the millionaire dating sites. Their monthly membership fees in 2010 range from $49.95 to a ridiculous $99.99. Finding wealthy women seeking men need not, however, be an expensive occupation.

    Did you know most of the big name-brand dating sites offer new members a free membership? Yes. They tend to have sections for free members and ones for the free members. This is perfect for our purposes.

    Digging tips…

    Now, this is how you can easily find wealthy women looking for men on these sites. All you do is put in a search for local women. I would suggest women over 30, but it is entirely your decision. Once you have that list, some sites allow you to filter for income! Yes. So you can create a list of local ladies with high incomes.

    Now, sites that do not allow this are still great, perhaps even better (because other men like yourself are not competing with you for the rich ladies). In the case of these sites what you can do is merely view profiles of the local ladies. Look at their photo albums. If they live in big houses then send them a friend request. In this way you will, again, end up with a list of wealthy female friends who are on the site looking for men.

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    Source by Davina Anderson

    Views: 0

  • A Beautiful Mind – Nobel Prize Winning Doctor John Nash

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    “Nothing’s ever for sure, John. That’s the only sure thing I do know,” says the schitzotypical auditory plus visual delusion and hallucination known to John Nash as Charles. This is very true even coming from one of these three imaginary people that John Nash believes to be a part of his daily life. Although non-existent these characters including not only Charles, but his adolescent niece Marcie, and his military contact William Parcher or just Parcher, play a pivotal role in the life of professor and doctor, John Nash.

    True, much of what the public knows of the mental disorders, and specifically Schizophrenia is based on what they observe from films and television. This Oscar/Academy four time wining film, A Beautiful Mind, is a very compelling story about a genius mathematician/ cryptologist, who’s life in Cold War era America, aroused his super paranoid and delusional thought process to overwhelm his mind.

    ONSET:

    John Nash exhibited mild symptoms or schitzotypal behavior probably through his childhood. This is evident because of his avoidant personality shown by his impeded interpersonal communication and relationships, and by his moderate “word salad” that he has. His hallucinations and delusions manifested initially by his graduate school Princeton roommate Charles.

    His peers played a crucial role in his life and in his recovery. Once stabilized to a level of acceptance and coping with his symptoms he is given visitations and job opportunities to help him in reintegration. Through the entire relations ship from student to wife, Alicia Nash was interceptive and supportive of his treatment and life after treatment, including a dangerous relapse of behaviors.

    Also, his peers did not initially know how to respond to the disorder because of John Nash’s involvement with the US government. It may have opaque at times but eventually they could make light of the situation once Nash was coping and stable.

    THE PLOT THICKENS?:

    John Nash almost killed his baby son by drowning him in the tub during his major relapse. He had been pocketing the medication and eventually he regained his code breaking and psychotic behaviors. He was in the back shed while drawing the bath and got caught up in what was allegedly provided by Parcher and the US governments’ highest echelons.

    + Symptoms= Racing thoughts, Hallucinations, Delusions

    – Symptoms= Cognitive impairment, grossly distorted reality

    (Axis I and Axis II)

    RETURN TREATMENT:

    Nash was able to eventually be stabilized on his psychotropic medications and with time and strong encouragements able to cope. This was abruptly made evident by his realization that the manifestation of Marcie never aged and paired his wife’s’ strong endearment and optimism towards him.

    Self Reliance was key to his rehabilitation and integration back into society. Aside from a strong support network he found that working in his field of abstract mathematics was his tool for learning interpersonal relationships and separating reality from his reality.

    The Nobel Prize was a major pat on the back for John Nash. Although he did not know the extent of his economic theories had spilled over into, Nash was still acknowledged for his intelligence. It is his life time achievement and it is he can observe that his life was great, not grandiose.

    PAST & PRESENT THEORIES:

    Although many scientific advancement have been made in psychology and imaging techniques treatment has not evolved juristically. Although doctors can now see the brain functioning and areas of brain used in a schizophrenic person the treatment is somewhat similar to that of the 1950’s. ECT, medication, hospitalization, and reintegration are the keystones of treatment for the stabilizing of this mental disorder. Then a medical round of SSRI’s and atypical anti-psychotics are used to maintain an even keel. Hospitalization is a safe way to intervene on an individual although laws have changed regarding commitment of those deemed unsafe for society. ECT has been modernized and more finite now and can be used to treat a plethora of moderate to severe mental disorders. Also, SSRI’s are more affective and paired with support many will stay stable.

    Once John Nash was known to be schizophrenic his friends help with the families clarification of his advanced symptoms. Then they slowly allow him back into his life with some initial hesitance that eventually will turn into a subject of laughter between old friends. Although some were intolerant and mocking of his disorder and effort he was able to maintain a level of functioning on the normal plane of societal existence and even win the highest scientific achievement award.

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    Source by J Greenes

    Views: 0

  • Poor Man Rich Soul – How to Enjoy the Richness of the Mind

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    If you are poor nonetheless, it does not matter if you know how to keep a mind full of richness. Trees do not have any bank accounts, credit cards, fancy cars or villas, do they? What they have are branches and leaves as well as that good soil to keep them growing. It would not matter if fall strips them bare for a few months, because they would survive again after that. It is great if we can learn this; that abundance did not spring from nothing and that keeping along matters a lot. Have not all trees started from a single seed? And it even requires courage, endurance and patience to keep growing. So here are some tips to bring forth that richness of the mind.

    Try Unit Spending
    When you find yourself not able to spend on many things or when you are constantly living on a budget, there is a way around it! What that means is for you to train your mentality to spend in an acceptable range based on your financial capacity. For example, if you are a person capable of spending in amount bearing up to thousands, then by all means spend one to two units less. That means, when you start spending in amounts of tens or hundreds, suddenly you find yourself capable of buying a lot more stuff! On the other hand, if you are person capable of spending in amount bearing up to hundreds, then by all means spend again one to two units less. That means spend in amounts of tens and below tens! You will find yourself a lot happier when you realize that there are still so many things out there that you can buy!

    If one of the keys to happiness is ultimate buying power, make it one that happens in relation to quantity instead of quality. At times when quality matters more, you can either realign a portion of your savings and go for the best options available or delay the purchase until the time and cost of the product falls at its optimal state. Consider buying in relation to quality only when necessary. After all market places deserve its fair chance of customer share. Certainly there are products that you could compromise easily on its quality, just be sure not to compromise those that should not be done so.

    Be a Good Person
    If you are usually a good person, chances are you can become popular among your friends and family. That notion itself is self reassuring. Less fear embedded in your mind as you already know, there are people willing to lend a helping hand still. Make sure you are a good person that has real, decent friends and that you have done your part when times are good. Say the down time is heavy, then what you should do is share those worries with your friends and family. Deeper bonded friendships will warm hearts and keep us going still. Bad times can also be perceived as an opening for new opportunities at bay. Work hand in hand and fight together to alleviate all sorrows due to poverty. Let all pass with good hope and constructive activities.

    A year older and a year wiser! Never outgrow this mentality. Learn and be wiser everyday. Find ways to manage problems or formulate strategies to overcome them slowly. Plant yourself to become one strong and healthy tree.

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    Source by Karen Chai

    Views: 0

  • Drug Addiction in Senior Citizens

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    Drug addiction in senior citizens is a significant and growing problem in the United States that few people are aware of. In fact, addiction that occurs later in life can be difficult to detect, and sometimes the person suffering from this disease might not even know that they are physically and emotionally dependent on a particular substance. Therefore, a policy of education about the dangers of addiction in older people is essential in order for those who are close to them to recognize any problem and know what options are available to get help. This is especially important considering that recent increases in the amount of older people entering drug rehab programs indicate this problem is probably far worse than we might think.

    The primary way that seniors get addicted to drugs is as a result of chronic pain management. Even under strict medical supervision, addiction to pain medications can and does still occur. This is because these types of narcotics work the same for everyone: they initially manage pain well, then the body develops tolerance and more of the drug is required. With an increase in dosage and consistent use, tolerance increases and eventually leads to physical dependence. Physical dependence almost invariably leads to outright addiction at a mental and emotional level. Therefore, seniors who are taking pain medications regularly are at increased risk for addiction. And because these medications are prescribed by doctors, most people consider them harmless and don’t think that addiction will ever become an issue. However, once it sets in, addiction is a lifelong affliction that can cause serious health issues.

    Another primary reason that older people become addicted to drugs or alcohol is as a result of lifestyle changes. These changes include the celebration of a life of toil and work, but can lead to some very bad habits. For instance, frequent dinners that include wine or beer can quickly become problematic. Before a person knows it, they’re having cocktails with lunch and dinner, and eventually Mimosas or Bloody Mary’s with breakfast.

    As a result of inactivity after a lifetime of working, some seniors have difficulty sleeping. Medications designed to help people get to sleep are extremely addicting and can lead to significant problems with memory loss. Older people who are addicted to sleeping pills often engage in strange or erratic behavior while having no recollection of doing so. And because sleep aids can lead to a persistent state of confusion, it can be difficult for a person to understand that they have a problem.

    Grief and depression is often a significant problem for senior citizens. As people get older their friends, family and associates age as well, and the loss of these people becomes a common occurrence. This combined with decreased levels of activity can lead to a state of depression that some people might seek to self-medicate with drugs or alcohol. Boredom and lack of exercise serve to exacerbate these problems.

    If you have an older loved one with a drug or alcohol problem, their very life could depend on you. The following options are readily available:

    Individual Therapy/Counseling

    Intervention

    Outpatient Rehab

    Inpatient Rehab

    Group and Family Therapy

    Don’t wait a moment longer to take action; the earlier addiction or alcoholism is treated, the higher the likelihood of success.

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    Source by Jim Debbies

    Views: 0

  • Advantages of Group Dating

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    Group dating is very popular in Japan and it is also known as ‘compa’ and ‘gokon’. Group dating is slowly becoming very famous in other countries also because through group dating people can easily find a suitable partner. The concept of dating in a group is very unique and different. In this system a girl and a guy who know each other from before plan a date in which each of them get 4 to 5 eligible friends. This date can be held in discos, bars, restaurants and hotels.

    So now let us discuss the most advantages of a dating in a group. These advantages will help you to understand this type dating in a better way.

    1. Socialize in group in a much better way
    As a group dating system involves trustworthy peers people can socialize in a much better way with each other. Group dating helps a person to learn from one another’s experiences. This type of dating involves a group of trusted teens who go out together in a group rather than in couples. Every parent want their kids to be in good company and influence, this type of dating helps them in this matter.

    2. Group dating helps in observing the opposite sex
    Teenagers are often interested in the opposite sex, but they are too scared of rejection. But in this type date setting, teenagers of genders can get to know each other very well. In this setting, every person can keep an eye on his or her friend, this helps in creating a better bond between friends and siblings.

    3. Can get acquainted with each other very easily
    This type of dating is most appropriate for those people who like some one but are not able to express their feelings. By becoming a part of this system they can get to know more about the person they like or love. Through group dating they get confidence and can face rejection more easily and boldly.

    4. No risk of temptation
    Having fun and getting to know each other are two main features of a group date. Kids involved in this type of dating are much better behaved because they want to impress each other. They avoid doing things that can harm their friends. Temptation is reduced to the bare minimum because kids are in the company of trustworthy friends.

    5. No pressure of impressing any one
    The main advantage of this type dating is that even if you do not manage to find a partner, you can still enjoy the outing or party with your friends. In a group dating even if you do not find a compatible partner you can still have a pleasant time, because you do not need to impress a particular person.

    These are the most important advantages of this type of dating system.

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    Source by Jessica N King

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  • The Life of Ezra Pound by Noel Stock

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    A review of The Life of Ezra Pound by Noel Stock must begin by acknowledging the phenomenal achievement of its author. It is comprehensive, detailed, forensic, appreciative, critical and illuminating, a massive achievement of analysis, research and insight. At around 200,000 words it is also a commitment, not for the fainthearted or for anyone with only a passing interest in either poetry or the history of the twentieth century. But it is also something else, something that, despite the magnificence of its scholarship, provokes this reader to focus on issues that are external to the text, itself. But more of that later: first, the book.

    Ezra Pound was undeniably one of the greatest figures of twentieth century literature. Unlike his illustrious contemporaries and friends, however, Joyce, Eliot and Yeats among them, his name has seemed to slip from the mainstream since his death in 1972. I read his great achievement, the Cantos, when I was at college. I did not understand them. In some ways they feel less like a work of poetry than a lifetime achievement, a creatively conceived and sometimes over-presented commonplace book into which fell, in poetic form, a distillation, a reflection or sometimes mere mention of whatever disparate material that Pound obsessed over at the time. The Cantos were Pound’s creative life, but we must not forget the massive amount of other material, his journalism, music, prose and economics, for want of a more accurate word.

    Pound was one of the founders and movers of literary and artistic movements: Imagism and the Vorticism among them. They were perhaps not the most enduring of directions. He was American but seemed more at home in England and then Italy, neither of which chooses to honour his achievements on their soil. But what is strongly felt about this man from the start is his conviction of, perhaps his obsession with his own genius. He was utterly sure he would contribute to the arts and perhaps even change their direction. He seemed to consider his legacy immortal, even before it had been created. He felt he was something new, original and enduring. And all this when apparently no-one even wanted to read his material, or formally give him time of day. And not only did he seem to deny his failures, he didn’t even seem to register them. The limitations were always somewhere else. In the early years, he thus seemed like a self-publicist, with is achievements acknowledged before they were achieved, like a modern self-published author who writes five-star, best-seller reviews of his own work. Nowadays, that surely would never do!

    But eventually, perhaps by sheer dogged application alongside considerable talent, Pound received the recognition he thought he deserved, though perhaps never in our own contemporary, blunt instrument yardstick of success – sales. Certain academics loved him. Others did not. He himself had high hopes of a Nobel Prize.

    Noel Stock includes copious quotations from Pound’s verse, always with critical assessment, sometimes with criticism. The Cantos were so far reaching in their intellectual coverage that it may appear from the outside that no-one without the full gamut of requisite skills would understand them. And given that these skills comprise, amongst other things, a knowledge of Dante and medieval Italian poetry, Confucius, Mencius and Lao-Tze in the original Chinese, troubadour songs in their original langue d’oc, Noh theatre texts in Japanese, Pound’s own experimental English, besides knowledge of the Classics and their metres, one might presume that there might be few modern readers of his work. This is probably accurate. But there is more to the modern shunning of Pound’s work than its overtly elitist intellectual demands. And it is here that this review needs to diverge from literature, poetry and indeed Ezra Pound, himself, to address the related concepts of fascism and racism.

    The main reason why today Pound’s name remains passé is his espousal of fascist ideas and his overt antisemitism. He went to live in Italy. He regarded Mussolini as rather a good thing. In Italy at the time he was hardly alone in this belief. He adopted Hitler’s aggressive antisemitism because he was fundamentally opposed to capitalism, if it meant what he saw as a banking and economic system dominated by Jews, the foundation of this belief being a bank owned by the Rothchild family. He also took to broadcasting pro-fascist propaganda (in Italian and English) on radio during World War II.

    Normally, my reviews are consciously detached. I try to review the book, not myself. Likes and dislikes are, to me, wholly nebulous and indefinable and even passing whims that are always less significant than considerations of communication or achievement of ends. In the case of The Life of Ezra Pound, the subjective “I” must be included, since our appreciation or not of this poet’s writing now seems to depend wholly on our individual take on his politics, despite his being be neither analytical or pro-active in his views, as this biography clarifies. In some ways, his politics were as transient as his current interests, as expressed in the meanderings of the Cantos. But what now can we make of Pound? Should we even try to understand him? Is dismissal the preferred option? I would say that he is worth the effort. Not the use of “I”! And this is not because I think Pound is a particular genius, overlooked or even readable. And I certainly do not see his actions as pardonable! And here I beg your pardon for making this book review become something personal, something about me and not about the book, but I assure you it is relevant. Please exit here if you are wary of the personal.

    I remember in the recent past a well-known British television presenter saying on-air that the music of Wagner was not played in her household because of the composer´s antisemitism. I remember another celebrity saying that antisemitism was the flavour of Wager´s age, and that rejection of the composer´s work on those grounds alone ought to prompt a similar rejection of everything artistic or otherwise that came out of mid-nineteenth century German culture.

    In the not too distant past I re-read Adam Smith´s Wealth of Nations. In my review I concentrated on those aspects of the analysis that might contradict the completely neo-liberal interpretation of the work. I was perhaps wrong to do so, but I wanted to challenge the idea that there is just one way to read Smith´s notion of free trade. Embedded within Smith´s thesis, however, are assumptions about human progress and worthiness. The Hindoo, the Mussulman and even the Catholic have their place in history and civilisation, but the heathen is judged to be a primitive sub-human. I do not recall Smith referring to ´The Buddhist´, but that may be my own failure of memory. In today´s politics, how many of the neo-liberal, perhaps neo-conservative supporters of their own notions of Smith´s concepts of free trade also regard those not associated with an organised great religion as both uncivilised and sub-human? And, given that the assumption appears to run throughout the work, should that alone disqualify Smith´s views on other subjects or his contribution to economics? Another position that almost dominates sections of The Wealth of Nations is that there is no economic activity that is or could be greater than the total that describes the state. How many of these same free marketeers would share Smith´s oft-stated revulsion of the very idea of a transnational corporation, which he regarded as necessarily market-distorting and almost automatically corrupt? This is recognized in antitrust and anti-monopoly legislation, but how often is this side of Smith´s work quoted? My point here is that we can choose to be selective, and usually do.

    I am tempted here to introduce the composer Anton Webern into the argument. A member of the second Viennese School, Webern espoused the atonalism of his associate, Schoenberg. Webern was perhaps the artistic opposite of Ezra Pound, being prone to destructive self-criticism and a desire for an extreme succinctness of expression. But Webern, like Pound, thought that fascism might be more sympathetic towards “high art” to which he aspired than the mechanisms of capitalism that concentrated on what it could sell. He thus initially espoused fascism, eventually to his own and his associates´ cost.

    After this considerable diversion, there is eventually a moral, and that is to beware anyone touting answers, especially those based on interpretations of the past in anything other than its own terms. Which brings me to Brexit! It might seem quite a jump, but it does follow. Trust me!

    I have recent personal experience, albeit apocryphal, that suggests the prime motivation among the British working class leave voters who surely swung the referendum result was “getting rid of all the foreigners.” I use quotes to emphasise that this was expressed to me personally and verbatim, with stress on the “all”. I had just finished The Life of Ezra Pound and I felt immediately a strange yet strong link with Pound´s antisemitism, which was founded on nothing less than trying to find someone to blame.

    Perhaps we should not judge Wagner, Adam Smith or even Ezra Pound using the moral perspective of our own time. For if we did that, and rejected any espousal of either racism or religious bigotry, how much of our human past would we retain? And, given the above Brexit opinion, is the moral perspective of our time significantly different from that of the 1930s, or even the 1850s, or 1770s or indeed any other time in our conflict-ridden blame game of history?

    The Life of Ezra Pound is a forensic biography of a poet. It describes a life lived in its historical and cultural context. Like all books committed to communicating its subject, it is a masterpiece that takes the reader way beyond the confines of its subject and thereby achieves a permanent relevance. Revisit this past. We must never deny it existed or forget its consequences. But it reminds us that as individuals, communities and societies, there is no rule that precludes the repetition of error. And neither is there any rule that insists that a current moral ground need be any higher than any other existing folly, contemporary or past.

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    Source by Philip Spires

    Views: 0

  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

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    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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    Source by Mandy Peterson

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