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  • Free Sex Is The Most Expensive

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    Have you ever had free sex? By free sex I mean one night stand sex, friends with benefits sex, we both know this isn’t going anywhere sex. How about now? You’ve probably never thought about it however, free sex maybe the most expensive sex you will ever have. It may cost you ever seeing your grandchildren, ever seeing your children; spending the last of your days alone…

    Have you ever met the perfect person? The dream person or are you still waiting to meet the perfect person? I submit we have all met the perfect person. the challenge is when the perfect person becomes the imperfect person. When they do something we don’t like, when they hurt us, when they don’t call us back, when they let us down.

    Everyone is perfect for the first 90 days it’s called the perfect phase. Some people live continually in the perfect phase. They’re called 90 day wonders. They meet someone, on the first day they have sex and every day thereafter. They spend all their time together. Until somewhere around the 90th day the perfect person becomes the imperfect person and they WONDER what happened.

    Then they call their forgotten best friend you; everyday, heartbroken, can’t believe it didn’t work out, convinced they can’t get over it until suddenly you don’t hear from them. Do you know what happened? They met another perfect person. On and on they go chasing mirage after mirage until at the end of their days they look back and the don’t see their grandchildren, they don’t see their children; and they spend the last of their days alone…

    Do you know what a man gives up when he commits, when he marries? Besides all the perfect free sex he thinks he could be having if he wasn’t married. Irresponsibility. He takes on responsibility; for others. Do you know what a woman gives up? Besides George Clooney. Independence.

    Together they form a interdependence. They commit to the relationship with an imperfect person. Then at the end of their days when they look back. They see their grandchildren, they see their children and at the end of their days they see each other.They’re not alone.

    Virtue and integrity are the foundations of love and a well lived life. The only way you know you love yourself or anyone else is by the commitments you are willing to make and keep. Sex is great it inspires us however love brings us home.

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    Source by James Allen Hanrahan

    Views: 0

  • Will You Marry Me? Four Simple Little Words, That Mean So Much

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    Since my social gathering, thoughts took me back my own marriage proposal, some 16 years ago. I had imagined how it might unfold; we had talked about marriage and family, so I knew it would arise at some point. Would it be full of romance, flowers, a candle-lit dinner and my future husband down on one knee, eloquently pledging his undying love for me! Well, not exactly – after a drunken evening in a local nightclub, you know the ones, with sticky ‘beer soaked’ carpets and dated disco tunes; he turned around to me and said ‘How about it then, shall we get married? Not the dreamy scene I had hoped for, but of course, I said ‘yes’ and we have been happily married with 2 children and a dog for the last 14 years.

    How many of us wait in anticipation for our partners to pop “the question?” Then are disappointed when either, it never happens or when it does, it doesn’t live up to our own expectations. Dreams of being whisked off to a secret exotic location, a special evening in the finest restaurant, and then finally having plucked up the courage to ask, and in front of an unsuspecting audience, your companion is down on one knee saying the words you have been waiting for.

    I have to tell you, although you might not believe me, this type of scenario does happen in real life. The friend that caught the bouquet had a marriage proposal that could have been taken from a film set.

    It started with a mystery holiday that had been planned as a birthday treat, she had no idea of where she was going and was told to pack for warm, sunny weather. The destination was the Greek island of Santorini, staying in a lovely hotel with magnificent sea views.

    A carefully planned romantic walk, where a ‘sea view’ table and a bottle of chilled Moet awaited them to watch the sunset. Along their ocean saunter, a detour to a traditional greek church with white washed exterior and striking blue dome, as my friend finished taking numerous photographs, she turned round to be presented with a handmade puzzle!

    I sure you can guess what came next, when she placed the puzzle pieces together, those simple four words appeared in front of her and her man, down of one knee, offering her the ‘sexiest’ (her words, not mine) engagement ring she had ever seen. Don’t be surprised when I tell you that, not only did my friend’s thoughtful fiancée plan the mystery trip, sea views and romantic proposal, he also designed and arranged for the ring to be handmade with her birthstone!

    Other marriage proposal stories have floated past my ears over the last few years. One in particular, a tale of a treasure hunt, constructed from cryptic clues sending the hopeful lady on an adventure to a hidden destination. Upon arrival, a small Silver love letter necklace with a delicately engraved letter inside – Will you marry me? An engagement ring placed on a finger and another couple betrothed to each other.

    I am full of admiration for imaginative partners that take the time to plan a proposal, complete with surprises, mystery and the odd glass of champagne. Not everyone needs to go to these lengths and as long as the sentiments of the words are truly felt, then any proposal is a special moment. Regardless of how a marriage proposal is planned or not, from my ‘sticky carpet’ moment in the local nightclub or my friend’s Shirley Valentine meets Mamma Mia adventure on the island of Santorini, with marriage statistics as an all time low, isn’t it all about being asked those simple 4 words and living in happily ever after – with the perfect Engagement ring of course!

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    Source by Claire L Bentley

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  • Book Summary: The Millionaire Messenger: Make a Difference and a Fortune Sharing by Brendon Burchard

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    I read this book sitting in a Thai food restaurant on the Oregon coast. The food was outstanding and what was very interesting was the fact that at the cash register there was a book and DVD set talking about going to college for free. The author was a young guy who graduated from Harvard. The whole book series was designed to show college students and parents how to find money to pay for college. Come to find out the author was the restaurant owner’s son. This is a classic example of the Millionaire Messenger in action.

    Why is this important to me?

    I am not doing this summary to waste your time. It is my vision to provide concise action steps that you can adopt right now to enhance your life. The best way to financial freedom is through a business. Now most people cannot simply quit their jobs and to start a new business. Typically you need to work your job and your new business until you have enough sustainable revenue to take your business full time. The Expert Industry is a caring community of people who share their advice and knowledge with the world and get paid for it.

    You may be thinking I am not an expert in anything. This mindset has everything to do with Self-Esteem & Self-Confidence. Brendon addresses these concerns in the book. Think about this – every person has a unique finger print and unique life experiences. Those experiences with additional research can yield you an expert.

    I want to start with a potential example of being an expert in something. I have a good friend of mine that has been doing cement work for over 20 years. He does this with his four brothers. He does not think of himself as an expert. Have you ever considered how successful Home Depot is as business? They cater to the do it yourself community. My friend could simply film different cement jobs and sell them as a do it yourself venture. It would look like this:

    1. Create simple how to videos on the basics and give them away for free.

    2. Create a deeper video series on how to do a full patio, sidewalk or stairs and sell it with a checklist manual.

    3. Offer paid for consulting for job layouts with customers.

    4. Take high priced large concrete jobs that are above the do it yourself community and name your price.

    This is a simple example of releasing 100 years of combined cement expertise that could easily be parlayed into a seven figure business model.

    The Millionaire Messenger is packed with great how to advice. For the sake of time, I am going to chat about the 9 reasons you should consider unlocking your knowledge and passion in the expert business.

    1. Your work is based entirely on your passion and knowledge. This is really important because it no longer seems like work when you wake up each morning doing what you love.

    2. Relating and Creating – Your work activities center around gaining trust and relating to your audience as well as creating useful content that add real value to their lives.

    3. Anytime / Anywhere – Creating information how to products allows you the comfort of working on your schedule from anywhere. I can tell you from personal experience that setting up your business to do this one great step toward personal freedom.

    4. Work with who you want – This is a big deal because stress statistics show that stress related illness is interconnected with who you work with or bad working relationships in general.

    5. Promotions based on promos – The amount of money you make is directly related to the promotional efforts you put into marketing your content. This is all up to you and your work ethic.

    6. Pay equals value – This is the strongest and most relevant point in the book. If you deliver great value, people will pay you for it and you can decide what to charge. You are not trading hours of your life for dollars.

    7. Small Teams – You do not need a big team to do this. You can outsource several of these steps so that your payroll does not spiral out of control. There are information marketers that make millions of dollars a year with very little staff.

    8. Tools are cheap – Technology today really is cheap. There are so many excellent software packages that are free that you can craft your whole infrastructure for next to nothing.

    9. Financial Income can beat that of other industries. There are six ways to market your stuff and each has a different price point. The best business models are summed up in one phrase – “one to many”. Creating something once and selling it over and over is the true key to unlocking the wealth puzzle.

    The Millionaire Messenger is a good book that will give you the direction you need and the questions required to get you on the path to personal wealth and freedom.

    I hope you have found this short summary useful. The key to any new idea is to work it into your daily routine until it becomes habit. Habits form in as little as 21 days. One thing you can take away from this book is one to many. When crafting your business model or tweaking an existing model, remember to leverage the power of “one to many.” In our software business, we create a software module once and sell it many times. This is how Microsoft and Oracle generate billions of dollars each year.

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    Source by Joe Mosed

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  • My Opinion on Sex and Love

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    Sex is not the perfect way to express your love: Rather it’s the perfect way to express love’s feelings. It’s perfect between a husband and a wife, a boy and a girl. It’s not only a physical activity, instead of it mostly a spiritual integration of two souls. It joints the spirit of the people involve. Sex is not love and love isn’t sex. Many often muddle the difference between sex and love. Most people don’t perceive that there’s a difference between them. In this note I’ll give my view on why these things are different from one another.

    Let’s start with sex. It’s something that does not often slump real feelings, real relationship or even a committed. There are few peoples who seek enjoyment from one-night stands. Often many have a ‘friend with benefits’, that’s what I would put under the sex’s category. There are never any real or deep feelings; it’s only about the enjoyment of the act. Usually when people only search to have sex, there’s very little opposite play and intimacy afterwards, the cuddling and holding of one another, well that doesn’t happen often.

    Many people are happy with having sex only for pleasure, never caring for the emotional circumstance of being in love. Often some will lope partner to partner because that’s all they’re searching that’s the instant rush and release in the sex’s pleasure. I’m one of the ones who have never been capable to do this thing. I could never jump into a one-night stand and I could never only have a “friend with benefits”. These parts are the values I’ve about lovemaking. It also, for me, means more that my friend is in love with me, and sex isn’t only about enjoyment. It’s where making love comes into play.

    When two people are in love, and who share the emotional bond with one another, they superintendence very much about making their partner feel desired and taken care of. When an individual is in love makes love to their partner, they give all their needs, not only sexually. They’ll take time by doing sex and making their lover happy. They’re careful to their partner’s every desires and needs. They get more pleasure out of tolerable them then they do themselves.

    Often times, they don’t always need to be glad while making love. Making love between couple who are in love is often intimate and slow. After lovemaking, many people that love one another will clasp and cuddle their lover like a deeper form of close affinity afterwards. It also brings the lovers together and they interconnect deeper on that soulful bond.

    Which is more essential to you in marriage?

    Love, sex or nothing…

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    Source by Sushil Chand

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  • How Smoking (Drug Abuse) and Drinking (Alcohol) Affects Your Academic Performance

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    One day, Barack’s mother, Ann Dunham marched into his room, wanting to know the details of Pablo’s arrest. “Don’t you think you are a little casual about your future?” she asked. “What do you mean? he responded. “Bar, you know exactly what I mean. Your friend Pablo was just arrested for drug possession, and your grades are slipping. You haven’t even started on your college application.”

    Barack Obama was a serious and brilliant student before he gained admission into Punahou School, Honolulu. In this school, he joined the “Choom gang”. It was a self-named gang that spent time together drinking alcohol, smoking marijuana and sniffing cocaine. Drugs made the choom gang popular in school. His relationship with the choom gang prospered, but his academics suffered. Drugs and alcohol made him lose focus. All he thought about was how to get high. He and his friends Ray, Pablo, Mark and others exhausted their time devising simply ways of doing drugs, which include total absorption (TA), the antithesis and the choomwagon. Reading was difficult because he was always high and confused. Indeed, he was heading towards becoming a junkie.

    His performance in school was a mess. Barack’s mother was right. His grades were going down every term. He was not even bothered about admission to college. All he thought was drugs because it was part of him. Truly, his friend Pablo was arrested by the police for drug possession.

    When pressure from his mum and his poor performance became unbearable, he thought about not going to college. Nevertheless, Barack’s mother kept encouraging him. She always told him that he could get into any school in the country if he just put in a little effort. Within him, he knew that the “effort” he needed was to quit drugs.

    He managed to graduate without mishap and was admitted into Occidental College in Los Angeles. Even without the choom gang around, Barack continued his drug escapade. To continue his education, Barack was transferred to Columbia University, New York.

    In New York, he decided to stop getting high. For the first time in years, Barack applied himself to his studies. He regained his love and strength for reading. Reading and understanding became easy because he was focused and at alert always. Barack began to trace out his future. It became clear that he had been wasting his precious time on drugs. He attended class regularly and soon graduated with good grades.

    “Using drugs and alcohol was a seriously misguided mistake. It was my greatest moral failure that could have destroyed my future. Maybe if I had not stopped doing drugs, I might have dropped out of school and wouldn’t have become the 44th President of the United States”, he once said.

    Lesson

    Drug and alcohol use on campus is universal. Students articulate many reasons why they do it, but most neglect to consider the academic and long-time consequences of their actions. Some are compelled to use drugs at social gatherings either because everyone else seems to be doing it or they believe it’s the cool thing to do. Others feel that drug and alcohol abuse offers an escape away from school or work-related stress, financial worries or relationship problems. Some feel that alcohol and drug abuse provide a way to compensate for feelings of shyness or low esteem.

    According to one study, 90% of teens said they have used alcohol; 50% have used marijuana; 17% have used cocaine, and 13% have used some form of hallucinogenic drugs. Drug use has been classified as a major problem of students as early as in primary 4. A recent report published by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration suggests that adolescents who receive grades of D or below are more likely than those in good academic standing to have recently used cigarettes, alcohol and/or other illicit drugs.

    The new research is part of a large-scale study of health and development conducted in New Zealand. Researchers administered IQ tests to over 1,000 individuals at age 13 (born in 1972 and 1973) and assessed their patterns of cannabis use at several points as they aged. Participants were again tested for IQ at age 38, and their two scores were compared as a function of their marijuana use. The results were striking: Participants who used cannabis heavily in their teens and continued through adulthood showed a significant drop in IQ between the ages of 13 and 38-an average of 8 points for those who met criteria for cannabis dependence. (For context, a loss of 8 IQ points could drop a person of average intelligence into the lowest third of the intelligence range.) Those who started using marijuana regularly or heavily after age 18 showed minor declines. By comparison, those who never used marijuana showed no declines in IQ.

    Researchers studying the effects of alcohol use on the brain are aided by advanced technology such as magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), diffusion tensor imaging (DTI), position emission tomography (PET) and electrophysiological brain mapping (EBM) showed that long-term heavy drinking lead to shrinking of the brain which impairs learning, memory formation and retrieval. That is why most times we read and forget within a short period.

    The process of generating new brain cells (i.e., neurons) is called neurogenesis. High level of alcohol leads to a disruption in the growth of brain cells. The decline of the number of brain cells leads to problems in learning and behaviour. The number of brain cell a student possesses determines his level of understanding. A student who has a higher amount of brain cells will do better academically.

    Thiamine, also known as vitamin B1, is an essential nutrient required by the brain. Up to 80% of alcoholics have a deficiency in thiamine, which may lead to memory loss and mental confusion. It might also affect your attention and concentration. Substance abusers easily get distracted; misplace things, forgetting to keep appointments and so on. As the brain continues to adapt to the presence of the drug, regions outside of the reward pathway are also affected. Brain regions responsible for judgment, learning, and memory begin to physically change or become “hardwired.” Learning, reading, and comprehension becomes difficult because the brain had been wired to focus on alcohol.

    Alcohol can produce detectable impairment in memory after only a few drinks and as the amount of alcohol increases so does the degree of impairment. Large quantity of alcohol can produce a blackout or an interval of time for which the intoxicated person cannot recall key details of events or even an entire event. Think about how much study time you have lost because you were too hung-over the next day to go to class. Drug abusers oversleep and are always tired.

    Severe Hallucination is another problem faced by drug users. Most times they lose touch with realities during lectures or examination. Physically they are in class but mentally they are somewhere else. Academics requires both physical and mental alertness. Therefore, a “high” students can attend lecture but will derive nothing because he was busy building castles in the air. Hallucination leads to academic failure.

    Everyone who became a drug or alcohol addict started with “let me taste or try it.” Smoking cigarette or Indian hemp or drinking alcohol is not a sign of “big boy or big girl”. It is not a sign of maturity but immaturity. You should not please your company by abusing drugs or alcohol. Drugs and alcohol are slow poisons. It solves no problem, if you get high because of financial stress, relationship problems, shyness or peer pressure, after some minute, you will get low and the problem will still be there.

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    Source by Anyaehie George Kelechi

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  • Marital Pathfinder 101

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    The issue of marital discovery and fulfillment has been a major discourse in most singles’ forum taking cognizance of the implications of getting it wrong. When God created man, He took him and set him down in the garden and gave him a mandate (Vision): “… to work the ground and keep the garden in order” Gen 2:15 (message bible). He looked at man and said to Himself it’s not good that man should be alone; let’s make for him a help-mate and a companion. Reason being that man was not living his full potential and so needed a help-mate and a companion to relate some things with; God in His mightiness cause man to fall into a deep sleep, created a help-mate for him and presented her to him; “when man woke up, he came in contact with someone he is attracted to (someone of like mind), went close, identify himself with her, appreciate her, stretch out his hand towards her and they both hold hands, move round the garden and tend it properly according to God’s instructions”. (My opinion).

    Taking cue from where it all began- the Garden of Eden, as a single I strongly believe that marital fulfillment is real and everyone is meant to experience it if we can just know what we want and go through the process or stages towards getting what we desire. It takes grace-unmerited favor for good thing to come easily. Let me buttress on Adams experience as follow:

    Woke up: when man woke up… literally in life, when a man is said to have woke up from his sleep, it means he has gotten to the point of realizing that something is missing in his life and so needs attention and until this is done, optimal satisfaction or fulfillment will not be drive. Speaking from marital point of view, it’s where a man realized that for him to gain much ground in life, he will need a help-mate (vision helper) to give him the much needed support to fulfill purpose. By this, I mean the achieving the intangibles- life vision, life assignment. For the ladies, it’s the point where she needs someone with some sense of purpose. It is the point where a man will need to make clear his life vision, mission and set values that will govern his life activities- setting his priority(s) right as he moves on the journey to marital discovery and fulfillment. When this is done, he goes on an ultimate search through praying, fasting, interaction with people and the environment.

    Attraction:… he came in contact with someone he is attracted to (someone of like mind)… Gen 2:23; Esther 2:17. person-300x202The law of attraction states that every man draws to him what flows out of him. When Adam woke up, he came in contact with someone of like mind- someone that speaks and understands his language, sees what he sees, with similar mandate, etc and so got attracted to her because his instinct communicated it to him. As singles (guys and ladies), the law of attraction should not be ignored in our quest for marital fulfillment. A guy or lady, who knows where he/she is going, will deliberately get attracted to only those going in the same direction with him/her. If for any reason, you are attracting to yourself friends you do not wish to have, it means you have to work on what flows out of you- rebrand yourself inside-out. Try to understand your temperament (strength and weakness) and then the temperament of someone that will complement yours. On the other hand, if you are attracting the right people into your life, then you are on the right path to marital fulfillment because these people see what you see, speak and understand your language- success, spiritual intensity, business success, career fulfillment, etc

    Get close and identify with people:… went close, identify with her… law of contact. For one to get what he/she need in life, he will have to take steps forward without necessarily seeing the stair case to step on. As singles (guys and ladies) I don’t think we need to see a vision, have a dream, go on a trance or have an impartation with the full bottle of anointing oil pour on our head for us to go close to people we are attracted to and have an interaction with them. When the first man woke up from his deep sleep, he came in contact with someone he is attracted to (someone of like mind) and so went close and interacted with her. It is at the point of interaction he discovered that they both have so much in common and so he identify with her immediately. Personally, I strongly believe that all relationship with the opposite sex will not end in marriage (life partner); I believe also that if we set our priority(s) right, at the point of interaction with those we are attracted to, we will be able to identify and discover a relationship that will not work for marriage but can work in the area of career, business contact/partner, best of friends, etc. Let’s increase our sensitivity antenna as the Spirit of Truth will help us. When we do, there will be no reason for regretting knowing or coming in contact with anyone; though, we are not perfect or guru in relationship matter but the chances of regret will be very minimal or near to zero.

    Appreciation:… appreciate her… what you appreciate in the life of someone over a period of time will as a matter of fact become your reality (paraphrase- law of appreciation). In as much as the first man identify with the similarities between him and his friend so to speak, he also notice that there are attributes his friend have which he don’t but needed to excel and so appreciated these attributes. Appreciating someone’s strengths and giving strength to ones weakness has a way of building and strengthen relationship and friendship. As singles, it’s impossible to have strength in all facet of life; and so when we see someone doing things in the area of our weakness, we should endeavor to celebrate them and leverage on their strength to fulfill purpose in life.

    Stretch out your hands to get help:… stretch out his hand towards her… the good book says “ask and ye shall receive, seek and ye shall find, knock and the door shall be open unto thee”. At this point, the relationship should be defined. Gen 2:25. As I said, all relationship will not end in marriage; when you interact with people, you will know the areas (Business, career, Spirituality, academics, etc) you will team work to achieve great results in life. When this is defined, the objective of the relationship should be stated and boundaries set. In life, nothing works until someone work it out; relationship doesn’t work out until those involve make it work; it’s a team work affairs and nobody’s commitment should be taken for granted rather it should be appreciated.

    Get bonded:… and they hold hands, move round the garden and tend it properly according to God’s instructions. The book of life says “do two people walk hand in hand if they aren’t going to the same place?” (Message bible). There must be some form of agreement between both parties

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    Source by Emmanuel Chukwuyem Agese

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  • Why Goodwill Is Vital to Success

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    When I originally got the idea for this blog entry, I was thinking in terms of success in business, as a result of three lackluster experiences I recently had with customer service at three different businesses. Then, when I sat down to write about it, I soon realized that goodwill is vital to all areas of life.

    Goodwill is similar to integrity in that in takes time to develop but can be lost in an instant. As my cousin says, “Goodwill is a byproduct of doing the right thing.” Webster’s dictionary defines goodwill as “a kindly feeling of approval and support: benevolent interest or concern.”

    This definition makes clear that whether it is with your business associates, teammates, coaches, or bosses, or in your interpersonal relationships, without goodwill it is difficult to get beyond a surface level with any of them.

    In today’s ultracompetitive world everything that gives you a leg up on the competition makes your success more likely. As successful businessman Marshall Field was fond of saying, “Goodwill is the only asset that competition cannot undersell or destroy.”

    Each of the three companies from whom I experienced poor customer service developed varying degrees of goodwill – mostly negative – from me. The one that earned the most goodwill eventually offered me an acceptable solution and I am still doing business with them (though on a more cautious basis now).

    One of the other two offered worthless suggestions, compounding my initial frustration. The last one had a website that failed repeatedly to send my complaints and was unresponsive to the ones that did go through. Needless to say, it would have taken a lot of goodwill to overcome these slights and I decided to close both of those accounts.

    One of the quickest ways to earn goodwill is to exceed expectations. Here’s a recent example of a business that engendered massive amounts of goodwill from me. I ordered a supplement and a few weeks after receiving my order I received another package from them with a new bottle of what I had previously ordered and the following note enclosed:

    “I want to take a moment to thank you for your recent purchase. As a token of our appreciation we sent you your next bottle free of charge. You will not be charged for this bottle and are not signed up to an auto-ship program of any kind. We just wanted to say a quick hello and thank you”

    -Greg, Founder of Weyland Brain Nutrition

    Not only did they send me my next bottle free of charge, they also enclosed a bottle of another product for me to try. I have since recommended them to several of my clients and am now a devoted customer.

    The same phenomenon happens in our interpersonal relationships. When you go the extra mile for a co-worker, boss, friend, lover, coach or teammate, you engender goodwill and strengthen your bond with them. This in turn will lead to greater trust and loyalty, thus opening the door to greater possibilities for the relationship.

    Most people want to stand out from the crowd and are frustrated when they don’t. I like to tell my clients that if you don’t like being stuck in the crowd, go the extra mile; it’s never crowded there. It’s a simple recipe for success that is often neglected by the masses and will also go a long way towards engendering plenty of goodwill from others.

    You can follow Sam on Twitter @SuperTaoInc

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    Source by Sam Obitz

    Views: 0

  • What Is an Emotional Catalyst?

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    Tell me that I am not the only person this has happened to. Your spouse or roommate or BF says “l am going to lose some weight” and suddenly you find yourself being hijacked into a diet, “No alcohol from here on out until we lose our weight!” (Our weight? Did you just call me fat?) We are going to work out 5 days a week (we are?) Pilates, Zumba, Yoga, Cardio, Free weights, Circuit training “No, No Sam you have to do 3 sets of 16 reps” (I do? Didn’t you just start working out like 2 days ago and now you’re a trainer?) So what just happened here?: A total lifestyle change that you were never intending to start. (OK well I was intending to start someday, but in my time frame, not because someone else had an emotional catalyst… see below)

    So, somehow you get manipulated to join in, maybe you want to add support to the instigators, maybe they are right! You are Fat! I mean isn’t that what they just said? When they assumed you would be joining in on the whole “Diet thing” sure, sure… they are just concerned about YOU being Healthy that’s why suddenly everyday you hear “Did you go to the Gym today?” Um… No, I sat in the backyard with a pack of Marlborough Reds, a Box of wine and some ho ho’s (wishful thinking)

    Low and Behold I have been to the gym more than usual (not difficult as usual was NEVER) and I will continue… but the truth is.. Being Manipulated to do something as big as Change your lifestyle because your friend or spouse has had a catalyst to change (Emotional catalyst do the trick of causing big Change almost every time) doesn’t set you up for success, your just along for the ride until you excuse your way out, truth hurts! OK my truth hurts. I love using humor to grow, educate or coach – but this would be a waste if you weren’t provided with a little lesson right?

    A catalyst – Easiest definition in this case is ” A person or thing that causes a change http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/catalyst

    Not really a fan of the dictionary version so to understand it better here are some personal and professional examples: http://www.fastcompany.com/magazine/152/next-strategy-passion-provokes-action.html

    Let me share this with you, when you do get a catalyst to change, you need to act on it immediately or it fades… until you get another emotional catalyst. If you decide you want to change something in your life, here is a simple 5 minute step in the right direction: Visualize not only what it will look like, but how it will FEEL once it is changed.

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    Source by Samantha Buckley Hugessen

    Views: 0

  • Why You Need to Express Emotion

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    When I was young I was taught that crying was not good. After all, the message was that if you cry too much, “you’re going to get sick.” Crying, especially in public, definitely was bad news. In short, crying, even when grieving, was considered to be a sign of weakness. If you were going to cry, then do so in private.

    Through the years this and many other natural ways of showing emotion have been stifled by many of the celebrities who always assume a stoic pose when appearing on camera. (I always remember the death of President Kennedy and the way Jackie showed little emotion during the funeral and on TV.)

    Many additional beliefs about expressing emotion were looked down upon for years as western culture had adopted the “rugged individualism” view of dealing with life in all its manifestations. Expressing emotion was out and being strong was definitely in. Keeping emotion within is presently the cultural norm.

    However, psychology and the social sciences have shown time and time again the importance of expressing, in some form, what is happening inside; it can actually save your life. If you have been trained by the authority figures in your life to suppress your feelings or if you are unable to cry (much to do with unconscious beliefs instilled early in life) when one might be expected to do so, consider the following.

    1. We are built to vocalize feelings and tell our stories. This is an inherent and normal human response. Its purpose is to relieve the stress of trauma and massive change that occur in every life. There is a basic human need to externalize the pressure and pain that develops within.

    2. What is the alternative when we bottle the anxiety, anger, fear, guilt or pain that is generated by a major loss? The physical self pays a huge price to perform this task. Stress hormones go into overdrive and every cell in the body is affected. I repeat, every cell in the body is heavily stressed. Energy stores are depleted.

    3. A more vicious result of stuffing feelings is that our unconscious and our memory banks keep them forever alive in full force. Consequently, we are easily thrown into deep pain throughout life when something we see in a movie or on a TV show or read in the paper, cues up the terrible feelings and memories we never dealt with.

    So what can you do? The obvious answer is to find a way to tell your story of pain and disappointment. If you don’t have a best friend who is a good long-term listener, (a resource we all need to develop), then seek out a counselor, clergy person, or support group. You also can express feelings through writing, drawing, painting or sculpting. Reach out to God to unload your burden. You may need several avenues of release.

    Give in to the natural inclination to share the pain of loss. There is nothing weak about doing so. It is not merely highly therapeutic, it will lead to insights into your loss and how to cope with it (verbalizing our feelings often leads to new interpretations and thoughts). When appropriate, request your good listener to give you valuable feedback.

    Make every effort to change the pattern of the way you deal with loss and change and encourage your children to be open with you about their feelings. See the process as wisdom seeking and in making wise choices. Let periodic expression, where you plumb the deepest depths of your feelings, become part of your long-term healing process. We all need the nurturance and feeling of community that sharing feelings naturally brings forth.

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    Source by Lou LaGrand

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  • Relationship Anxiety – Why Doesn’t My Boyfriend Want to Marry Me?

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    Relationships aren’t always viewed as investments, but in many ways that’s exactly what they are. This is especially the case for a woman who is dating a man who is somewhat resistant to the idea of marriage. If you’re that woman, you know that you’ve invested a great deal of time and emotional energy into the connection. It’s understandable that you’d want and expect a diamond ring and a romantic wedding at some point, but what do you do if that end goal is nowhere in sight? If your boyfriend has made it clear to you that he’s not interested in marriage, you’re left flabbergasted. Before you throw in the towel and walk away from everything you two have built, you need some answers. Understanding why he isn’t feeling drawn towards marriage can help you overcome the problem and get things moving in a more positive relationship direction.

    Think About His Reasons for Not Wanting to Marry

    Obviously, by this point you and your boyfriend have discussed the issue of marriage and how you both feel about it. In all likelihood you’ve pushed your boyfriend to share with you where his reservations are coming from. Each man is unique which means that his reasoning for not wanting to take the plunge is going to be specific to him. Generally there are several common threads that seem to run through relationships in which the man isn’t in any rush to get married.

    One of the most common reasons why men refuse to make such a strong commitment is they sense that they’ll lose their own identity when they become a “husband.” Instead of being a self sufficient, single guy they suddenly become one half of a couple who are joined together forever. To most women this sounds like a dream come true but for a man who doesn’t feel emotionally mature, this can be a very frightening proposition. Not only does he see his own identity being pulled away but he senses that his role, from the wedding day forward, is simply to please his wife.

    Other men won’t get down on bended knee to make that all-important proposal because the financial aspect of it weighs heavily on their mind. Men want to be viewed as providers and if your man doesn’t have the means to support himself, let alone you and any potential children in the future, he isn’t going to want to take any steps towards commitment. He also likely won’t reveal his true motivations for not getting engaged. He doesn’t want you to think poorly of him. To a man the most important thing is that the woman he loves sees him as a hero in every sense.

    Devote Your Energy to Helping Him Overcome His Resistance

    There’s something to be said for not pushing a man to commit, but there are obvious exceptions every woman should be aware of. If you believe your boyfriend would love to be married, but he does have some lingering reservations that you’ve been able to identify, you can then start work on helping him move past those.

    It’s not advisable for you to sit down with a man who you believe is struggling with finances so you two can have an honest discussion about how he can’t afford a wedding, let alone an engagement ring. It is helpful if you share with him how you see marriage as an equal partnership and how important it is to you to contribute equally, always. If your boyfriend feels that some of the financial burden has been taken off his shoulders, in a very subtle way by you, that may steer him closer towards a proposal.

    You can also persuade your man to see the gains he’ll make in being married to you, as opposed to the losses he may believe he’ll suffer. If your guy is surrounded by single male friends, this may prove a bit more challenging, but don’t ever view it as impossible.

    Simply start mentioning how important you believe it is that couples always have their own interests. You could even bring up the example of a married friend of yours. Talk about how you think it’s great that her and her husband still have their own independent friends and that they each spend time apart from one another visiting with those friends.

    If your boyfriend senses that your attitude after you marry is going to be that of a woman who doesn’t want her husband spending all his time with her, he’ll be more inclined to see marriage in a much more positive light.

    Be Realistic About the Future of Your Relationship

    Even if you’ve determined why you believe your boyfriend is being hesitant about committing, and you’ve been working at getting him to move past his reservations, there is still a chance that he’ll refuse to marry you.

    If this is the case, it’s important that you look within yourself to decide if waiting endlessly is the right thing for you. Some people just don’t see marriage as something they want in their lives. If this depth of connection is important to you and your boyfriend has continued to resist, even after you’ve helped him understand the benefits of it, it may be time to rethink your future.

    You, and only you, can decide if marriage is a deal breaker within your relationship. If it’s vitally important to you that you two marry, share that with him and leave the ball in his court. If he continues to ignore your needs, you really have to consider whether a partner like that is truly the best choice after all.

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    Source by Gillian Reynolds

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