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Mexican Marriage Traditions

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There are many different cultures around the world who institute various traditions involving weddings, with one of the most interesting taking place in Mexico. Here are five of the most popular Mexican marriage traditions and customs, some of which are still followed to this day.

WHO PAYS FOR WHAT?

Typically, when it comes to more traditional types of Mexican weddings, the father of the bride will normally be the one who covers all of the expenses for the entire ceremony. However, in most cases, members of the families of both the bride and the groom will generally come together to help pay for the cost of the ceremony. There are even some cases where members of the wedding party will join the family in helping to cover the cost of the entire ceremony as well. There are also some traditions in which the bridesmaids and groomsmen are paired together and assigned certain roles in helping to pay for the ceremony.

BRIDAL ATTIRE

Mexican brides traditionally will wear light blue slips underneath their wedding gowns, while the groomsmen will wear ties and cummerbunds that match the colors of the dresses worn by the bridesmaids. In terms of the flower girl and ring bearer, they will often been seen dressed very similarly to the bride and groom themselves.

APPROVAL OF THE FATHER

Before proposing marriage to the woman that they love, most men around the world traditionally will seek permission from the woman’s father and obtain their blessing. This is something that is actually a custom in Mexico. However, in this country, it is taken a step further, as not only does the man go to the woman’s home, but he also brings his family with him for the occasion as a sign of respect, especially if the two families have yet to actually meet. In addition, if the woman is part of an extended family, her grandfather also has a say in the situation. Once the woman’s father has given his approval for his daughter to be married, the two families will then be presented with an opportunity to discuss possible dates for the wedding to take place.

WEDDING PROCESSION

On the day of the wedding, the bride will venture to the location of the wedding, accompanied by members of her family. The groom will do the same thing as well. This custom is a way for the family to show the town that they are proud of the person who is to be getting married, whether it is their son or their daughter.

WEDDING RECEPTION

Traditionally, Mexican wedding receptions can go on for as long as they want to – even until the wee hours of the morning! Three of the most important aspects of this event are music, food, and drinks, because in Mexican culture, this is indeed supposed to be a major celebration due to the importance of marriage.

To know more about Mexican wedding traditions http://www.singlemantravel.com/mail-order-brides/latin-brides/mexican-brides/

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Source by Robert Topper

Views: 0

February 9, 2020
Lifestyle Changes

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Lifestyle Choices: Learn to Overcome Emotional Overeating

Overcoming emotional overeating can seem overwhelming, and setbacks can be expected. But the good news is, there are lifestyle choices that you can make to help overcome this problem.

The key word is choice – you can choose to follow a healthy lifestyle. Sometimes it helps to break things down into small, specific steps you can take (just trying to lead a “healthier lifestyle” is a bit vague!). Following are some of these specifics. And remember, setbacks and relapses are not unusual. Don’t beat yourself up; just start fresh tomorrow.

It is never too late to start afresh and start feeding your body with the nutrients it needs to sustain itself and function better as a whole.

Under-nourished people usually do not have the time or knowledge to ingest proper food and are thus losing out on a healthy lifestyle and risk putting their lives in jeopardy.

Exercise

Experts are in general agreement that regular exercise three to five days a week is most beneficial. This exercise should consist of at least 20 minutes of cardiovascular exercise (such as vigorous walking, jogging, biking, etc.) followed by some light toning or weight training. Committing to this regimen full-force is not necessarily the best way to go; if you can only exercise once or twice a week, that’s still better than nothing and will hopefully pave the way for more in the future.

Exercise is said to relieve emotional overeating in several ways. For one, exercise produces endorphins which are the body’s natural “feel good” hormones. For another, exercise prevents boredom and mindless eating, which is what you might be doing if you weren’t exercising! And finally, exercise will likely boost your self-image, helping to break the cycle of low self-esteem and poor self-image that “feeds” emotional overeating disorder.

Nature

Never underestimate the healing power of nature! For those with emotional overeating disorder, choosing to spend more time out in nature can be particularly beneficial. After all, in the natural realm there are no media messages to mess with your self-image, and being in nature connects you to your origins and the origins of food.

Some experts theorize that detachment from food and its natural source plays a role in emotional overeating disorder. Getting involved in nature and exploring and appreciating it can go a long way toward reconnecting with our biologically normal view of food. Maybe you can kill two birds with one stone and do your regular exercise outdoors!

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Source by Michael Oscar Pisani

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February 9, 2020
Stopping Employee Theft in Your Coffee Business

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Regardless to how good of an employer you are, and even if you treat your employees well, understand that employee theft is a reality, and you need to control it. While it may only be a very small percentage of your staff that might steal from you, it can have a significant financial impact on your coffee business. If it goes unnoticed, employees will usually become even more brazen in their activities.

When it comes to theft, your employees are likely to fall into one of the following four categories:

Mr./Ms. honest – these are people who would never think of taking anything if it doesn’t belong to them. If they happen to go home with one of your ballpoint pens, they’ll bring it back the next day, and feel guilty that they took it home, even though it was unintentional.

Incidental theft – these are people that will take home your pen by accident, and will keep it. And, they may scarf a piece of cheesecake occasionally when you aren’t looking, even though they know they shouldn’t. Because these items have minimal value, they have no great sense of guilt related to their activities.

Theft because of need and opportunity – this is when you have an employee who is perhaps living on the edge financially, and because they have the need, and because your security may be lax, they’ll take advantage of an opportune situation to take something.

Compulsive theft – this is the person who is always looking for something to steal, and they have absolutely no conscience about it. They typically rationalize the theft in their own mind. They consider you to be the rich, fat cat, and feel that they are over worked and under paid, so stealing from you is justified.

Employee theft probably exists to some extent within your operation, whether you are aware of it or not. You can most likely live with incidental theft, provided it doesn’t get out of control. Theft related to need and opportunity is, in reality, your fault. These people would probably not steal from you normally, but a lack of security procedures has created the temptation and means for them to do so. Compulsive theft must be discovered, stopped, and you must eliminate the person(s) responsible.

Losing product due to theft:

Your employees may have no desire or need for a sleeve of 12oz. paper cups, Java Jackets, or a roll of toilet paper… but they might like a frozen cake, gallon of chocolate sauce, 6-pack of beer, or a bottle of wine.

There are some simple things you can do to greatly reduce the chance of being ripped-off. First, don’t allow your employees to store their jackets, backpacks, and purses near where you store products. This makes it incredibly simple for someone to slide something into their bag or jacket pocket when no one is watching. I always had my employees store their personal belongings in the cabinet under the cash register (where someone would always be watching), or in my office, under lock & and key.

Second, keep the back door of your store locked with a key at all times (you or your supervisor being the only ones having a key). If customers regularly enter through your back door, this may not be an option. If your back door is an emergency fire exit (and it probably is), you’ll need to install an alarmed breaker-bar. The whole point is that you don’t want your employees to be able to flow in and out of the back door without you knowing about it. Carrying product out the back door to their car, a hiding place for later pick-up, or an awaiting friend, is one of the most common ways products will exit your store.

Once you have made it more difficult to stash things in their personal belongings, or carry them out the back door, employees may resort to hiding items in the trashcan. Of course you will unlock the back door to let them take out the trash. If they have hidden something in the trashcan, a dumpster-diving expedition will certainly be planned for after-hours to recover their treasure.

Periodic trashcan checks should eliminate this problem, or make it a far less appealing option to anyone considering this method to smuggle things out of your store. Buy a long handle 3-prong garden rake. When employees ask to take out the trash, accompany them, and have them hold the can up on the edge of the dumpster while you rake out the trashcan contents. What you are looking for are things that might have been hidden in the trash, but you can tell your employees that you are merely making sure that small wares aren’t being accidentally thrown away. During the 15-years I owned and managed restaurants, I discovered everything from six-packs of beer, bottles of wine, and packages of steaks hidden in the trash!

Another situation that will create an ideal opportunity for employees to steal from you is having only one person working in your store. If your baker comes in each morning a hour before you or the next employee, or if one person is left to clean and lock-up the place at the end of the day, opportunities for theft abound. As the old saying goes: when the cat’s away…

Always try to have at least two people in your store at all times. If there is not justification for having a second employee on the clock, then you will need to be that second person. If this requires you going from a 60-hour workweek to 80-hours, then this may not be a tolerable option. If this is the case, then at least invest a couple of hours more each day for a week or two to do some detective work.

During those times of day when only one employee is working, park at the far end of the parking lot, or across the street, so that you will reduce the chance of being noticed by your employee. If they are familiar with your vehicle, use your spouse’s or friend’s vehicle for a few days. Watch carefully (with binoculars if necessary). I know this all sounds a little CSI – like, but better to rest-easy, feeling fairly assured that your employee isn’t carrying away your store when you’re not watching. If I had the time, I could tell you countless stories of my experiences in catching employees red handed, loading the trunks of their cars.

If you suspect that theft of product might be occurring, but you’ve seen no direct evidence of it, then conducting a daily key item inventory may shed some light on the situation. Write down a list of 15 to 20 products that you think would be most appealing for someone to steal. In your coffee business, this might include items such as coffee, syrups and sauces, smoothie puree, biscotti, cookies, and desserts, sandwich meats & cheeses, and of course beer & wine (if you serve those from your operation). Then take an inventory of these items every day. Your employees don’t need to know what you are doing, and if they ask, simply tell them you are taking an inventory for ordering purposes.

What you are looking for are anomalies in usage. For example, let’s say that from your daily inventories you assess that you use about half a gallon of chocolate sauce per day. Then, one day you notice you used 1 1/2 gallons of chocolate the previous day. This should send up a red flag! Why did you go through an extra gallon of chocolate? Were you significantly busier yesterday, or did you featuring several drink specials which contained chocolate sauce? A quick review of individual item sales from yesterday’s cash register report should provide you with the answer. If you average one ounce of chocolate per beverage, then using 1 1/2 gallons means you should have sold approximately 192 beverages containing chocolate (128 oz. per gal. x 1.5 = 192). If this was the case, no problem. But, if you discover that you only sold 64 beverages containing chocolate, then 128 oz. (or 1 gallon) is unaccounted for and missing! A good indication that it probably walked out the door. If this happens, keep track of who was working on the day of the shortage. If this happens continually, eventually you will discover that the same person or persons were working every time.

Theft of money by employees:

Hopefully, none of your employees will have the desire to steal products from you, but some will be tempted by the lure of cold, hard, cash. Everyone could use an extra $20 a day. Employees who steal money from you will definitely hurt your bottom line, and must be eliminated.

The first way to reduce cash theft is to have a cash handling policy in place that will discourage theft. If multiple employees are using the cash register, and no one person is responsible, then I can almost guarantee that your cash drawer will keep coming up short on a regular basis. The fact that no one person can be held responsible for the shortages, will make grabbing a bill or two easy and appealing.

Implement a policy that one, and only one person is responsible for the cash register for the entire shift. They should count the drawer at the beginning of their shift to verify that they are starting with the designated change bank. Then, they should be the only person to ring up sales and make change. Even you, the owner/manger, should keep your hands out of their cash drawer. Finally, at the end of their shift, they should set aside the amount they started with in the change drawer, and total all the remaining cash, checks, and charges, and balance against what was rung up on the register. If they started with the right amount of money in the cash drawer, rang everything up, took all the money, counted back all the change, and they end up short… who’s fault is it? It can only be theirs. By implementing this simple policy, I once took an operation that was coming up $100 a day ($3,000 a month) cash short, and reduced it to $3 a day, in just 30 days! That’s over a $2,900 bottom line improvement, (in case you didn’t do the math)!

The other common method that a cashier might use to steal money from you is by using a method called, building a bank. This is the process of not ringing up items on the cash register, while still taking money from the customers, and then pocketing that money. Typically, they will obscure the view of the cash register display on the customer’s side with something like a flower, retail merchandise, or by turning the display so that it cannot be easily seen. Then, they will pretend to ring up an item, but will hit the no sale key instead, popping the drawer open so they can take the cash and make change, but in reality, they haven’t rung up anything. The other thing they might do when it is busy is to just not shut the drawer between transactions. They simply convey verbally the cost of items ordered by customers and take the cash, but once again, nothing has been rung up.

A cash register that prints out the order on a remote receipt printer to the person who will be preparing the item, can eliminate this problem. Quite simply, if the item isn’t rung-up, it won’t print out. If your barista or cook won’t prepare anything without a receipt (and they shouldn’t!), it will force your cashier to ring everything up.

If you observe that the cash register’s display has been blocked from the customer’s view, or there are an excessive number of no sale indications on your cash register’s detail tape, or notice that your cashier is not shutting the drawer between transactions, beware! While these may not be indisputable proof that your cashier is stealing from you, they should certainly heighten your vigilance to find out if something is going on.

If your coffee business only warrants having one employee working at a time, perhaps because you own a cart, kiosk, or low volume drive-through operation, then how do you go about keeping your employee from building a bank and stealing from you? The best solution I’ve seen is to turn your customers in to watchdogs. Affix a sign to the front of your cash register, in plain sight of the customer, that reads: If you don’t receive a receipt with your order, it’s FREE! This will force your cashier to hand each customer a receipt for their purchase. If they are building a bank, this means they will have to hand the customer a receipt that says – NO SALE; something they probably won’t fell comfortable doing!

The financial impact of theft of money can be extremely damaging, for example: Let’s say you have a cashier who is skimming off $20 a day by not ringing things up, and then pocketing the money. Not only did you loose the stolen $20, but the $7 of ingredients that were probably used to produce the ordered products; ($20 x 35% ingredient cost = $7.00). So in reality, you lost $27, and it will take an additional $41.54 in sales, to recover this loss; ($41.54 x 65% gross profit = $27). $27 a day lost to theft, X 21 days worked by the employee = $567 lost cash & product per month; $872 extra sales required to offset this loss. (Annual loss, $6,804; $10,468 in additional income required to offset loss.) You must stop theft of money!

Theft of money management:

If you have a manger running your operation for you, this can really create an opportunity for cash theft. Just about anyone who has ever run a food service operation (self included), probably felt that they were over-worked and under-paid. Some are tempted to grant themselves an unapproved raise. Your manger has the control key to the cash register, which means they have the ability to back off items that were sold. You would be wise to check your cash register detail tapes on a regular basis. If you see multiple items backed off in groups, or more worrisome yet, all backed off at the very end of the shift, beware!

A good way to keep this from happening is to establish a policy that no over-rings are to be backed off of sales on the cash register with the management control key. Instead, when the cashier makes an over-ring, they should take the receipt, write over-ring on it, sign it, and put it in the cash drawer. At the end of the shift, the total of all over-rings should be manually backed off of the sales total indicated on the cash register report.

Many years ago I had a manager that was stealing money from me in another creative way. This manager, who opened the store each day, would reset the cash register by Z-ing it out after the first half hour of business. He would then pocket the proceeds earned during that first half hour. Because additional sales were generated during the second half hour, the cash register hourly sales report would always show sales for the first hour of operation, thus eliminating any suspicion that something might be going on.

It wasn’t until I was doing a routine audit of cash register Z tapes that I noticed something wasn’t right. When you run a Z report, which resets the cash register at the end of each day, a multi-digit number will usually be printed somewhere on that tape. The next time you Z the register, that number will advance by one digit. I noticed that even though the tapes were sequential in date, every other number was missing. This tipped me off that the register was being Z-ed twice a day! When I confronted my manager with the tapes, his look of panic spoke volumes.

If you are doubting the honesty of any of your employees or managers, one way you can verify or eliminate your suspicion is by baiting the cash drawer. Slip an extra $20 bill in the drawer sometime during the day when they aren’t watching. If they don’t end up reporting at the end of their shift that they were $20 cash-over, I’ll do it a second time (just to make sure). If they don’t report it a second time, you should have no doubts that they are indeed, dishonest.

NEVER accuse an employee or manger of stealing unless you catch them red-handed (actually stuffing money into their pockets). Even though the circumstantial evidence may be overwhelming, unless you actually catch them in the act, they are likely to deny your accusations, and will probably file a complaint against you with the department of labor! The brief moment of satisfaction you will gain from letting them know you are aware of what they’ve been doing, will be quickly overwhelmed by the legal predicament you will find yourself in. You will be far better off to not make accusations. Simply terminate their employment. In many states, you do not need to provide a reason as to why you are letting them go. When they ask for an explanation as to why you are firing them, simply say: I don’t need to give you a reason, I’m just letting you go, goodbye!

Finally, don’t over look technology to help you with security. Surveillance cameras linked to a DVR (digital video recorder) can provide you with peace of mind, or evidence of theft. These systems have become very affordable, and many are easy to install. The value of these cameras go beyond having a video record of operations. The mere fact that employees understand that their activities are being video recorded, will usually discourage them from doing things that they might not think twice about, if no one was watching.

I think it’s important to not be paranoid about employee theft. Certainly, you don’t want to be constantly obsessed with the suspicion that everyone is stealing from you. In reality, the majority of your employees are probably honest people. But, you would be wise to establish some simple safeguards, and maintain a watchful eye.

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Source by Ed Arvidson

Views: 0

February 6, 2020
Customer Service Tips – How to Handle Irate Customers
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Are you ready to learn how to keep every guest happy? It starts with making sure that your managers are thoroughly trained in every position within your restaurant. They need to know all the jobs, so they can step in if someone calls off sick, or if sales are higher than expected.

The manager needs to be highly trained in excellent customer service. This type of service is called “wow” service because your customers will say “Wow!” about their experience at your restaurant.

One way to easily accomplish that “wow” experience is simply by telling your managers that every time they are in direct contact with any guest, that they are smiling, being friendly and attentive to the guests. If a famous person was coming to your restaurant, how would you treat that person? Every guest should be receive that same VIP treatment.

In case of a dissatisfied, angry, or irate customers, we recommend applying the GLAD technique. This will dramatically decrease customer related matters, and lead to customer recovery.

What is the GLAD Technique?
1. Go to the guest
2. Listen carefully to the guest
3. Apologize to the guest
4. Do what it takes to solve the problem
When approaching the upset customer, always shows genuine concern. It is important to listen to the guest without cutting them off. Make sure that you take the time to fully understand their concerns. Remain calm. Responding to anger in a calm manner may help reduce the person’s anxiety. Don’t be fake, be real.

Always apologize to the guest, even if the customer is wrong. Even when you are certain the person is wrong, go with the mindset that the person is right. Never offer excuses as to why the problem occurred, but offer solutions instead.

Solutions will vary depending on the complaint and the circumstances. Offer a solution and ask if this will meet the customer’s needs. Go above and beyond. Remember, one angry customer leads to other lost customers. Keep in mind that for each customer you lose, you will lose 11 customers within the next few weeks. That number will compound because those 11 people will also repeat what they heard from the first customer. Ultimately you could be losing hundreds of customers because of one dissatisfied customer. If the matter is serious, you could even lose your restaurant’s reputation, and the restaurant could end up being shut down.

Every customer that leaves your restaurant tells family, friends and co-workers about the experience at your restaurant. If the experience was mediocre they won’t say anything, but if it was very good experience at your restaurant they will tell others. If it was a negative experience and they walked out dissatisfied, then the reputation of your restaurant will be impacted. Negative feedback from your customers could mean the end of your business. Don’t underestimate the power of the word-of-mouth effect. Word-of-mouth will work with you or against you depending on the guest’s experience.

Do you really want to lose business because of customer complaints? Teaching effective customer service techniques to your managers and staff should be at the top of your to-do list.

Teach your managers to be proactive in preventing customer related matters. Manager presence in the dining room is a wonderful path to reduce customer complaints. The manager should spend at least 80% of his/her time in the dining room, and only 10% in the manager’s office.

The manager also needs to physically approach each customer’s table to ensure that WOW guest service is in effect. The manager also needs to learn how to detect negative body language and how to express positive body language.

How do customers show their dissatisfaction with their body language?
- When you are in direct eye-to-eye contact, you can witness the anger in the customer’s eyes.
- Seeing untouched food, especially when everybody at the table ate their food, except the one customer who barely touched his or her food.
- The manager asks the customer, “So how was your meal and service tonight?” The customer replies, “It’s okay”. If the customer was fully satisfied with both the service and the meal they may say it was “terrific” or “great,” not just “okay.”
- When you look at a guest and you get an uncomfortable “gut” feeling, act on that feeling.
- You see a customer looking around as though they want someone to help them. You may even see them glaring at a server speaking with other customers.
What is your body language saying?
- Always use direct eye contact when talking to your guests. Never look away while you are talking to your guest. Looking away gives the impression that you are not interested in what the other person has to say.
- Never cross your arms when talking to guests, this could be interpreted as shutting them out or anger.
- Never roll your eyes, as this is very disrespectful and it appears that you are belittling their concerns.
- Constantly listen to the guest even if they are angry. It may help to allow the person to vent their anger. Always acknowledge their feelings.
- Ask the customer what would improve the visit to your restaurant.
What do you do with Moody Customers?

This is your opportunity to turn around the customer’s mood from a bad to good. Make certain that you are on top of things and pay attention to details. If you have any concerns about their experience, you may even offer the table a free appetizer or dessert. It may seem like you are losing money by “giving away” food or “discounting” their meals; however, you will lose more money from each lost customer than you will for that one food item or meal. If you successfully turn things around, then you may create repeat business. Kindness and consideration of their needs will often overcome their anger.

A wise person said, “How you handle positive feedback is important, but it is more important to know how to handle negative feedback.” Make sure you tell the customers that you appreciate the fact that they took the time to tell you about their experience. Don’t make excuses, instead find solutions. Don’t disagree with the customer, even if you know the guest is wrong.

If you don’t learn from your mistakes, you are doomed to repeat them again and again.

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Source by Donna Schim

Views: 0
February 5, 2020
Lifestyle Diseases

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There have been increasing reports of several lifestyle diseases affecting the people from several countries of the world. One of the main reasons for this is lack of time to think about good health. Some of the other reasons include, lack of awareness, bodily disorders, excessive work related stress, etc. The rural uneducated people do not follow the basic principles of nutrition. Most of them are also poor.

Hyper tension and excessive blood sugar levels are the most important risks affecting the lives of many people. Besides several other contributing factors, excessive salt in the body seems to be facilitating increase in the levels of blood pressure. Kidney is the vital organ which does control blood pressure levels. According to the medical researchers, the readings above 140/90 are known as the hyper tension. lesser salt intake, relaxation, drinking green tea, consuming two or three garlic cloves in the morning, etc are some of the natural remedies Balanced diet or nutritious food and brisk walking are also helpful. Avoiding the risky decisions, planning the work perfectly, avoiding disappointment, inclusion of fun in one’s life, meditation, yoga, management of time effectively, healthy inter personal skills,etc would also aid in reducing unnecessary stress.

Good sleep can reduce higher glucose levels. Our blood needs only certain minimum levels of glucose. The excessive amounts can cause several health problems. The excessive glucose in the blood would lead to its clotting. The body might lose its immunity. Consuming our food at regular intervals would go a long way in reducing the risk of high glucose levels. Natural herbs such as neem leaves, lady finger, garlic, onion, green tea, etc are of great help to maintain normal blood sugar levels.

Obesity is one of the major factors in reducing the effectiveness of the people. It is also responsible for the onset of the above mentioned health hazards. Several factors do play a role in the increase in our body’s weight. Many people seem to be getting good awareness about the ill effects of excessive weight.

Stroke, cardio vascular diseases, loss of eye sight, etc are some of the consequences of improper lifestyle. Medical scientists do suggest to include more vegetables in the diet. Stress seems to be basically the mind’s problem. Higher glucose levels too cause stress.

Proper medication, nutritious diet, regular exercise, etc would go a long way in maintaining the normal levels of both glucose and salt.

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Source by Tirumala Prasad

Views: 0

February 3, 2020
Created To Bond – Changes That Heal Part II
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Failure To Develop Relationships

Emotional ties have a dramatic effect on our well-being. When one fails to develop relationships or bond with others, it can and often does affect their ability to stave off or recover from a variety of not only physical but also emotional ills. When they learn to attach to and trust others, they begin to develop not only emotionally, but also psychologically. Thus, their ability to bond with others… to become closely knit, often carryover into their home life.

When a child is distressed, he/she may show unusual signs such as increased pulse, increased or labored respiration, helplessness, and hopelessness and may easily become enraged. These signs are often seen when the biological parent remarries and the child tends to believe that he/she must compete with the step-parent for the biological parent’s attention.

When the adoptive or step-parent enters the situation with food, physical contact, compassion and other help, the child learns her parents can meet her needs. The child is then more active and able to respond to stimulation such as playing. When the child is content, she is able to sleep and feel comfortable in her surroundings.

According to Deborah Gray, author of Attaching in Adoption, “attachment is a relationship formed primarily with members of the family and requires more time and interaction to be created. Attachment is what most adoptive parents are referring to when they talk about bonding with their child. Adopted children of all ages may have an attachment to their birth family, even if the relationship was neglectful or abusive. Many adoption experts agree that if a child can form an attachment to birth and foster parents, she will have the skills to attach to her adoptive family as well.”

Signs of Secure Attachment

The parental attachment process can often take weeks or years to fully develop, and in some cases there maybe pervasive attachment disorders for which professional therapy will be required. A strong indicator of whether attachment is taking place is the comfort with which the adoptive or step-parent is able to recognize the child’s needs. It is important to remember that the repetition of parents meeting a child’s needs is the foundation of forming a secure attachment with children of all ages, not just infants.

The attachment bond shapes an infant’s brain

The attachment bond is the term for our first interactive love relationship-the one we had with our primary caregivers, that is, our mothers. The mother-child attachment bond is instrumental in shaping infants brains. This important attachment profoundly influences our self-esteem, our expectations of others, and our ability to attract and maintain successful relationships. So, the success, or failure, of our first love-the attachment bond-has a life-long effect.

Our secure attachment bond shapes our abilities to:
- feel safe
- develop meaningful connections with others
- explore our world
- deal with stress
- balance emotions
- experience comfort and security
- make sense of our lives
- create positive memories and expectations of relationships
Attachment bonds are as unique as we are. Primary caretakers do not have to be perfect. They do not have to always be in agreement with their infants’ emotions, but it helps if they are emotionally available a majority of the time.

We were born with an innate or preprogrammed need to bond with one very significant person-our primary caregiver, usually our mother. Like all infants, you were a small bundle of disjointed emotions-intensely experiencing fear, anger, sadness, and joy, often at the same time. The natural emotional attachment that grew between you and your caregiver was the first interactive relationship of your life, and it depended upon nonverbal communication. Therefore, the bonding you experienced in this relationship determined how you would relate to other people throughout your life. This bonding relationship established the foundation for all verbal and nonverbal communication in your future relationships.

For better or worse, the attachment bond profoundly influences the infant brain. It is a baby’s first love relationship. When the primary caretaker can manage personal stress, calm the infant, communicate through emotion, share joy, and forgive easily, the young child’s nervous system becomes “securely attached.” The strong foundation of a secure attachment bond enables the child to be self-confident, trusting, hopeful, and comfortable in the face of conflict. As an adult, he or she will be flexible, creative, hopeful, and optimistic.

People who fail to establish this type of bonding relationship often experience confusing, frightening, or broken emotional communications during their infancy and often grow into adults who have difficulty understanding their own emotions and the feelings of others. This hampers their ability to establish, build and/or maintain attachments leading to successful relationships.

What is Attachment?

Attachment is the relationship between infants and their primary caregivers-is responsible for:
- shaping the success or failure of future intimate relationships
- the ability to maintain a normal emotional balance
- the ability to enjoy being ourselves and to find satisfaction in being with others
- the ability to successfully rebound from various disappointments, discouragement, and misfortune
Many scientific studies of the brain-and the primary role attachment plays in shaping it-has given us a new basis for understanding why vast numbers of people have great difficulty communicating with the most important individuals in their work and love lives. Once, we could only use guesswork to try and determine why important relationships never evolved, or developed chronic problems, or fell apart. Now, thanks to new insights into brain development, we can understand what it takes to help build and nurture productive and meaningful relationships at home and at work.

What is the attachment bond?

The mother-child bond is the primary force in infant development, according to the attachment bond theory pioneered by English psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth. The theory has gained strength through worldwide scientific studies and the use of brain imaging technology.

The attachment bond theory states that the relationship between infants and primary caretakers is responsible for:
- shaping all of our future relationships
- strengthening or damaging our abilities to focus, be conscious of our feelings, and calm ourselves
- the ability to bounce back from misfortune
Scientific research reveals the infant/adult interactions that result in a successful, secure attachment, where both people are aware of the other’s feelings and emotions is the necessary precursor for successful relationships. These studies also reveal troubled, or insecure attachment, in which the communication of feelings fails thus resulting in an inability to form the bind needed to establish a solid relationship. Researchers found that in order to have successful adult relationships there must exist in us and we must depend on the ability to:
- manage stress
- stay “tuned in” with emotions
- use communicative body language
- be playful in a mutually engaging manner
- be readily forgiving, relinquishing grudges
The same research also found that when an insecure attachment exists some type of abuse may have caused it, but it is just as likely to be caused by isolation or loneliness. These recent discoveries offer a new glimpse into successful love relationships. Taking these observations into account often provides the keys to identifying and repairing a love relationship that is strained or falling apart.

Insecure attachment affects adult relationships

Insecurity can be a significant problem in all of our lives, and it usually takes root when an infant’s attachment bond fails to provide the child with sufficient structure, recognition, understanding, safety, and mutual accord. These insecurities may lead us to:
- Tune out and turn off-Most often, if our parent is unavailable and self-absorbed, we may-as children-get lost in our own inner world, we become introverted, avoiding any close, emotional connections. This often causes us as adults to become physically and emotionally distant in relationships.
- Remain insecure-If we have parents who are inconsistent or intrusive, it’s more than likely that we will become unrealistically anxious and fearful, never knowing what to expect. Then as adults, we may become willingly available one moment and totally rejecting the next.
- Become disorganized, aggressive and angry-When our early needs for emotional closeness and comfort is neglected, or when a parent’s erratic behavior is a source of disorienting terror, emotional problems are sure to follow. As we grow into adults, we may lack the ability to love easily and may unknowingly be insensitive to the needs of our partner.
- Develop slowly-Problems often occur when we fail to develop as rapidly as we should, both emotionally and intellectually. Such developmental delays often manifest themselves in the form of deficits and often result in subsequent physical and mental health problems, and generally lead to social and learning disabilities.
Lessons Learned From Our Attachment Bond

There are many powerful, life-altering lessons we learn from our attachment bond-our first love relationship continues to teach us as adults. The gut-level knowledge we gained from this bond then guides us in improving our adult relationships and making them secure.

Lesson No. 1-All adult relationships depend on nonverbal forms of communication for their success. These nonverbal communication skills are learned in infancy. Newborn infants cannot talk, reason or plan; yet they are equipped to make sure their needs are met. Infants don’t know what they need, they feel what they need, and communicate accordingly. When an infant communicates with a caretaker who understands and meets their physical and emotional needs an attachment takes place and the strength of that attachment influences other relationships later in life.

Lesson No. 2-Relationships in which the parties are tuned in to each other’s emotions are called attuned relationships, and attuned relationships teach us that:
- nonverbal cues deeply impact our love relationships
- as we play it helps us smooth over the turbulent times we endure in love relationships
- inevitable conflicts can build trusting relationships if we approach them without fear or a need to punish or retaliate
When we can recognize knee-jerk memories, perceive expectations, inappropriate attitudes, unfounded assumptions and improper behaviors as problems resulting from insecure attachment bonds, we can squelch their influence and their effect on our adult relationships. That recognition allows us to readily reconstruct the healthy nonverbal communication skills that ultimately produce an attuned attachment and successful relationship.

Becoming an Adult and Relationship Orientation

As we grow into adulthood, for the most part we bring with us the ideas and communication lessons we have learned from the time of our infancy. Whether these are good or bad depends on our ability to not only view life from our perspective but also have the ability and the willingness to see things from the other person’s point of view as well. When we are able to do that, then we are in a more astute position to deal with situations and circumstances that are adverse to us.

As we move through the adolescent stage of life we find ourselves at odds not only with others but also with ourselves. We want to be an adult with all of its rights and privileges sooner that we can become one, yet at the same time we want to abdicate the responsibility that goes with that station in life. It is a time of being able to make your own decisions and taking authority over your own life, but you are not there yet. You must learn to maintain control of your impulsiveness and your inhibitions. You must be able to objectionably reevaluate your beliefs, see your parents and authority figures realistically, recognize and pursue your God-given talents and goals, and be willing to take ultimate responsibility for yourself. Finally you must be able to accept and appreciate people who are different.

This ability helps us to be able to accept the good and the bad because we are able to address situations in a mature manner. When we are able to do this, we place ourselves into a position of strength, resulting in a proper evaluation of ourselves. Thus we are able to overcome some of the most persistent problems we face daily because now we are not only able to see things in black and white but also in the various shades of gray. As such, we are able to make allowances for our and other peoples mistakes.

We at that point come to realize that everything in life doesn’t have to go our way in order for us to be happy. We gain a new perspective on ourselves, others and God as a result of our changed thinking. We are then able to deal with each other with mercy, in grace, with the understanding that we too make mistakes. When we move into the realm of tolerance and forgiveness, we are able to love others without them having to be perfect.

Yet, in order to accomplish the task and responsibility of growing up we must also be willing to take responsibility and be accountable for those things of which we have been put in charge. Those things include our attitude, tongue, and actions. As we continue to grow in stature and wisdom the maturity level of our life should also increase proportionately.

Differences Between Men And Women

From my experience in dealing with women, (my mother, aunts, seven sisters and many friends and associates) I find that the majority of women are generally oriented towards their existing friendship networks whereas men were more interested in meeting new people and finding people who had similar interests — in other words, men would rather enjoy the adventure of reaching out to new people rather than cementing their existing relationships.

These results contribute to the growing research on social capital, networking and highlight the importance of examining specific interactive applications. The importance of distinguishing between strong and weak ties plays a major role in establishing new relationships. Also, it is necessary to consider the importance of taking into account gender differences in social interaction patterns. Whereas, women increase their bonding social capital as a result of using these sites but men do not. Women, on the other hand, show a decrease in bonding social capital with those whom they meet outside of their normal sphere of influence.

The fear of incorporating emotional intimacy into these association/relationships is mainly due to a fear of rejection and engulfment – a fear of losing the other and/or losing yourself. To overcome this obstacle you must be able to establish an inner bond with yourself. Inner Bonding is a transformational process for healing the fear of intimacy related ideas that have been carried from past experiences.

The mental visualization of these experiences often cause us to digress into a self-contained state of emotional security that hinders our ability to openly tolerate the inconsistencies we see in others. As a result, we ourselves are moved to a protective state and therefore unable to deal with the negative feelings that we will invariably experience. This barrier can block us from resolving issues that in reality are non-issues.

The Immaturity In Adolescence

Struggles with adolescent identity and depression usually set in when an adolescent experiences a loss. The most important loss in their lives is the changing relationship between the adolescent and their parents. Adolescents may also experience strife in their relationships with friends. This may be due to the activities their friends take part in, such as smoking, which causes adolescents to feel as though participating in such activities themselves is likely essential to maintaining these friendships. Teen depression can be extremely intense at times because of physical and hormonal changes but emotional instability is part of adolescence. Their changing mind, body and relationships often present themselves as stressful and that change, they assume, is something to be feared.

Your experiences in life help you to mature. The maturity is developed when you know you have no one to blame for the past but the circumstances and your immaturity. Oftentimes your immaturity stopped you from having a proper perspective of the facts facts and seeing things as they were. This made you blame others for your sufferings. You may have created and escalated your suffering without realizing the facts and circumstances and taking a easy way out by holding others responsible for it.

You feel you are always on the receiving end of every wrong or perceived wrong due to your immaturity. However, life has a knack of replaying memories and after few years it recreates the same circumstances but this time puts you on the opposite side (giving end), you are left with no choice but to accept the fact that you were so immature then and have grow-up with years. As you mature, life makes you see your ‘old you’ in somebody else now in these replaying of circumstances and you know that the other person still has to wait years ahead to grow and realize these facts.

Maturity slowly leads to wisdom when you know that it is only you who has to stand up and take responsibility for your past – action / inaction, sufferings / failures instead of holding others responsible. It is truly said that you create your own happiness. By blaming others and holding grudges you keep happiness at bay and give way to hatred and self pity. However, with time and wisdom when you accept the responsibility for your sufferings and embrace all your successes without pride -you are truly happy.

Divorce And Its Affects On Maturity

Children of divorced parents often bitterly vow not to repeat the same mistakes. They want to avoid putting themselves and their own children through the pain that comes from the dissolution of a marriage. But, according to University of Utah researcher Nicholas H. Wolfinger, these children’s aspirations face unfavorable odds. “Growing up in a divorced family greatly increases the chances of ending one’s own marriage, a phenomenon called the divorce cycle or the intergenerational transmission of divorce.” Dr. Wolfinger has spent almost a decade studying the marriages of children from divorced homes in America. These children are more likely to marry during their teenage years, cohabitate and marry someone who is also a child of divorced parents. And they are also one-third less likely to marry if they are over age 20.

“Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages,” by Wolfinger, published by Cambridge University Press, contains important information for those interested in divorce and its repercussions. “Divorce is an important topic because it has so many consequences for well-being,” writes Wolfinger,

“Its transmission between generations adds a whole new dimension by perpetuating the cycle of divorce. The divorce cycle, in short, can be thought of as a cascade. Ending a marriage starts a cycle that threatens to affect increasing numbers of people over time, a sobering thought in an era when half of all new marriages fail.” His research also suggests that if one spouse comes from divorced parents, the couple may be up to twice as likely to divorce. Spouses who are both children of divorced parents are three times more likely to divorce as couples who both hail from intact families.

Besides observing the marital stability of the offspring of divorced couples, Wolfinger’s book provides another perspective on how parental divorce affects offspring marriage timing, mate selection, cohabitating relationships as well as historical trends in the divorce cycle. Wolfinger also explores the divorce reform movement in America and argues in favor of no-fault divorce laws, arguing that a return to an age of tough divorce laws would recreate the social conditions that used to make divorce harder on children.

It is my opinion considering all that has been written on this subject that one reason children from divorced families get divorced more often is because they have a tendency to marry as teenagers. Social history demonstrates that the older you are when you marry, the less likely you are to get divorced. It’s good advice for everyone.”

On the other hand, the more transitions children experience while growing up, the more they will experience as adults. Taking this into consideration, the question that needs to be asked is, “What is the hardest for kids is how many disruptions they experience — the up-and-down cycles.

This is a valid question because many children will have stepparents, and some will see their new families dissolve. This type of disruption occurs any time they lose a parent — except from death. That’s different, and doesn’t have the same negative effects on children… whereas divorce is ambiguous. Children wonder whether the divorce was their fault or who is to blame. And they wonder ‘Is he coming back?’” It is certainly good news that people are less likely to stay in high conflict marriages than they used to. However, “ending a low-conflict marriage may hurt children as much as staying in a high-conflict family,” and the odds of divorce transmission are actually highest if parents dissolve a marriage after little or no conflict. It therefore behooves us to evaluate the effects divorce will have upon our children and their emotional well being should we decide to travel that road.

But before making that decision, we should honestly examine ourselves and the motivating things that are moving us in that direction. This inventory, if prayerfully done will allow us to see the other persons point of view more clearly and thereby make the necessary adjustments, where warranted, to resolve the issues that precipitated situation to begin with. If we are truly willing to continue the relationship, then we must take the necessary steps needed to resolve the issues of what is good or bad by first considering what we could have done to alleviate the problem rather than casting blame. When we allow the power of forgiveness to flow in us we cannot only deal with the past and present, but also the future as bonds are cemented.

Gray, Deborah. Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents. Indiana:Perspectives Press Inc., 2002.

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Source by Franklyn T. Johnson, Ph.D

Views: 0
February 3, 2020
Important MLM Training Tip – How To Find Your Best Prospects

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This might be one of the most important online MLM training articles you will ever read on the subject of how to go about getting the best MLM prospects. Who do you think are the best candidates to join your program?

Do you want a hint? Think in terms of any company hiring new workers. What is the main question they ask to their applicants? If you said something pertaining to what kind of previous experience they have, then give yourself a hearty pat on the back. No matter what the business is, past experience is a really big advantage and network marketing is no exception. Here we are, only in paragraph # 2, & you’ve already learned a really vital MLM training tip.

Another group that is just as good as someone with MLM experience is Internet marketers have never have dealt with a pay plan that is on multiple levels. So now that you are aware that your best MLM prospects are people with I. M. Or MLM experience, you just need to learn where to find them.

Well, you won’t find at your next family get together. You won’t find them on the line buying food at the store and you won’t find them wasting your money buying biz opp leads. You can only find them by leveraging the massive power of the Internet. This is because the Internet is global and millions of your targeted prospects are on it every day.

Believe it or not, they are seeking you out at this very second. It’s true. Lots of MLM marketers aren’t happy with their current program and they are actively looking around for their next one. They are at Google and other search engines, constantly looking for you. You are going to use SEO, search engine optimization, (especially keyword research) to help let them find you.

You want to get to Google’s keyword tool. Just Google, KEYWORD TOOL. When you are there, start thinking of keywords, (search terms) that you would imagine people would use when they are looking for a new MLM program, like the one you are in. This tool, not only provides you the numbers for how many searches those keywords get every month, but also gives you a lot of other related keywords, and their search numbers as well.

Naturally, everybody searching for an MLM company is not someone who has past experience, but you better believe that many of them do have it. Also, ask yourself if you are going to deny anyone from joining your downline, just because they do not have yet have experience. The answer should be, no.

By the way, you can think of search terms that would primarily be used by people who have experience. For example, BETTER MLM, is most likely indicative that the person is searching for a program that is better than the one she currently has, (or that she previously had.) This keyword, by the way, currently shows 480 monthly searches, which is well over the 200 minimum searches you usually will look for.

Now you need to research how much competition this keyword has. Go to the normal Google page and use “quote marks” and type it in, like this: “better mlm”. It will list the number of results under the search box. If that number is less than 40,000, you should use it.

So, then go to article directories and publish articles with your targeted keyword in the title and sprinkled throughout the article about 1 time for every 100 words. A three to five hundred word article is long enough. Discuss more than just your program. Establish yourself as a credible source of information. Provide some MLM training or your favorite MLM tip, etc. In the last paragraph you can link to your website for more information.

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Source by Joe LoBalsamo

Views: 0

February 3, 2020
Effects Of The Procrastination Habit

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Procrastination is often portrayed as a habit that takes place when somebody doesn’t want to do something or doesn’t feel the need to do it today. Many times, friends and family make small side jokes about how a person puts this task off or waits until the last second to do another task.

For many, however, the habit of procrastination can reach such chronic levels that it can have negative effects on their life. These effects range from financial difficulties, to broken relationships and even health problems. To those with the habit of procrastination at this level, it is no joke.

Procrastination And Finances

A person who procrastinates paying their bills will often wind up paying reconnection and overdue fees on service utilities. Many times these services get disconnected and because of the cost of upfront payments and other fees, they may or may not get turned back on again.

In addition, once a person gets into this habit their credit will suddenly begin to spiral downward causing them difficulty in future and potentially needed purchases. With no credit it’s very difficult to purchase a home, a car or even obtain so much as a cell phone.

Those are just the necessities. Once a person’s finances are curtailed because of procrastination it also has affects on their families. Luxury items and vacations become non-existent, and I’ve even read stories where the habit of procrastination has hit so hard that it becomes difficult to purchase food for the family.

Procrastination And Health

Procrastination can also have serious health implications for those that are in the habit of procrastinating seriously. The largest, and most common, health risk is that of depression. In fact, procrastination and depression are very closely linked.

The second most common health risk that procrastination presents is that of stress. Stress from not achieving, stress from financial burden and stress in relationships are many times a direct result of procrastination.

If procrastination isn’t taken seriously the effects such as stress and depression can reach levels that require immediate and intensive professional care. Without such care the effects of the habit of procrastination can have long term health consequences.

The good news is that with a plan of action, time and persistence anybody can overcome the habit of procrastination. Once a person realizes that the habit of procrastination is having negative effects on their life, all they have to do is commit to change and follow through with their plan of action.

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Source by Matt Ryan

Views: 0

February 3, 2020
Can You Treat Trichotillomania With Holistic Medicine?

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Trichotillomania is an impulse control or brain disease similar to OCD or addiction where the person pulls out their own hair. The hair can be located anywhere. Trichotillamania may be caused by trauma, rape, physical violence, torture, child abuse, and very severe emotional abuse. It may be minor and easily managed or severe. This disease can overwhelm the person. It is very important for the person with this disease to eliminate or minimize exposure to any severely negative people in their life that are abusive or exploitative. It is an emotional disorder that usually needs several therapies in order to be managed successfully. There are many alternative therapies which are untried for this illness, but these may successful due to the large emotional component of the illness. Trichotillomania seems similar to addiction, OCD, and a bad habit. Quieting the mind should be one of the goals of any therapy. Alternative therapies that quiet the mind include Yoga, scalp acupuncture, auricular acupuncture, Emotional Freedom Technique(EFT), botanical extracts, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS),and orthomolecular medicine.

This person must be evaluated by a medical professional. A full physical and diagnostic testing of hormones and neurotransmitters must occur. This patient must be evaluated for AIDS and a brain tumor. There are several diseases that are severe enough to result in very irregular symptoms. It is extremely important to be very aggressive in treating this disease. Amino acids therapy for this may be useful and could include 5-HTP, theanine, GABA, and phenylalanine. Chinese herbal patent formulas may be considered along with Chinese liquid herbal extracts. Scalp acupuncture may be very successful in treating this type of illness. It should be done with larger needles for this type of disease. Scalp acupuncture treatments last about thirty minutes to one hour. It may take nine treatments in order to see results. Laser therapy using a cold medical grade laser may work well on this patient. You may need several sessions of cold medical grade laser therapy before you see a significant change.

It is important for this person to sleep well and eat a well balanced diet without nitrates, amines, and food dyes. This person should avoid genetically modified foods, food additives, MSG, tumeric, and drink plenty of pure water to stay fully hydrated. The diet should allow Swiss method decaffeinated coffee or organic coffee and tea. This person should consider trying the Rotation Diet where each food may be eaten once during a four-day period. It is also a good idea to identify and reduce exposure to all allergens. You may want to consider some form of allergy treatment. Convention allergy treatments with shots is one alternative. NAET is a non-painful alternative that incorporates chiropractic and acupuncture with a special diet to treat allergens. This person needs consider a form of regular exercise like the walking, gym, biking, Bikram yoga, hiking, and dancing.

©Dr R Stone, MD-India

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Source by R Stone

Views: 0

February 2, 2020
9 Steps To Living Abundantly

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Many of us are bowed down by life – stressed, short of time, tired, on a treadmill, knowing that this isn’t the way to live, but not knowing how to free ourselves up to live more fully, more abundantly. There are simple things we can do – they don’t take time or money – they take a change of attitude. Here are 9 of them:

1. Being totally financially honest – if you are not, this implies that there is not enough for you to have everything you need without dishonesty.

2. Creating a vacuum so that more good things can flow into it – don’t fill your life up with things you don’t really want. Ask yourself if you want each thing before you buy it. Don’t have abundant rubbish, live abundantly by seeking out the things and experiences that work for you in your core being.

3. Tithing is often associated with religion, but it is also possible to tithe in a non-religious context. This seems a really important aspect of living abundantly – every time you freely give money away, you are implying that you are confident that more will come – this is a BIG positive affirmation with a lot of power behind it. The traditional amount is 10% of your income. I’ve recommended this to lots of people, and they’ve told me that when they do this – magically – they seem to have more. I started with 10% but now I’ve increased it, because I’ve seen that the more I give away the more I get back, and the happier and more abundantly I live.

4. Being grateful for what you already have – focussing on the good that is already in your life. It’s easy to think about what you don’t have, but spend some time each day thinking about what you do have. Start each day by thinking of 5 things that you are grateful for – and express this out loud.

5. Resentment, jealousy, envy and self-pity interfere with the free-flow of abundance. If you are jealous or envious of someone, it implies that what they have is not available for you to have also. If you find it difficult to let go of these feelings, Bach flower remedies may help. Try the remedy ‘willow’ to counteract resentment and self-pity, or try ‘holly’ for envy, jealousy and greed.

6. Forgiving those that have wronged you is part of living abundantly. Holding on to your anger, however justifiable it may seem, keeps you stuck in the past, rather than going forward into a better future. If it’s difficult to let go of your negative feelings, try writing a letter expressing all your anger, hurt or envy. Write until you can write no more, and then burn it.

7. Being able to receive from other people. Being able to receive is healthy, but many people find it difficult. You may need to practice receiving. Think of the pleasure you get in giving. By not receiving generously you are denying other people the pleasure of giving.

8. Realise that in general ‘good luck’ plays a very small part in people’s life. (If you put your faith in good luck, then you have to accept the possibility of bad luck too.) People who put their faith in ‘good luck’ often spend their lives waiting for things to happen. People who don’t believe in luck go out and make things happen.

9. Believing that there is enough money, food, love, etc. in the world to meet everyone’s needs to live abundantly. I left this one till the last, because it can be very hard to believe when faced with war and starvation in the newspapers and on the TV, but a lot of this anger and need is caused because people who have do not believe they have enough, because they substitute money and food for all the other abundance of life. Do your bit to correct that imbalance and start living a life that recognises there are inequalities and shortages, but recognises that we can correct that so we all have what we need.

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Source by Jane Thurnell-Read

Views: 0

February 2, 2020