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Tag: Feelings

  • Sex As a Natural Treatment For Gout

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    I wanted to laugh when I first came across this rather ridiculous suggestion on some of the online sources about natural treatments for gout. After the initial state of skepticism, I decided to do some study about this interesting topic about having sex as a natural treatment for gout.

    Well, it must somehow works on some of the gout patients until this method is widely spread as one of the treatment option for gout. Some people think it works, but they just cannot explain how it works on reducing the inflammation and pain of the notorious gout attacks. Before I explain how to have good sex as one of the method of treating your gout, you must first understand the chemistry of sex.

    We all know about the temptation and good feelings that good sex gives us. That is part of our natural instinct, and having a healthy sex life plays an important role in maintaining the well being of our body and mind.

    Scientists call sex as a melting pot of the soup of bio-chemicals, the hormones. This scientific statement may somehow kills away some of the romantic side of sex, but whatever you feel as the result of sex can actually be explained by simple science. It is not a matter of what happens between your legs, it is about the chemical reactions happen between your ears.

    There are a few vital hormones that contribute the pleasures (and pain relief) we feel during sexual intercourse. It starts with dopamine, which is one of the brain’s pleasure chemicals. Dopamine is released in the ‘reward centre’ of the brain when we see something that arouses our desire, such as good food and attractive partner. Dopamine increases the pulse rate and cardiac functions which result in the ‘blushing’ effect in some people.

    During sexual orgasm, your brain will push the amount of dopamine to the max and then bring it down right after the climax with the release of prolactin which prevents you from over indulge in the rush of dopamine. Prolactin rises sharply immediately after orgasm and it is what gives you the “full” feeling after your intimate moment. Prolactin disengages you from sex after orgasm and makes room for your mind to think of other things besides the naked person lying next to you.

    Beside the roller coaster ride of dopamine, there are two other sex related neurotransmitters that contribute to the whole sensation of sex. Oxytocin, which is also known as the “cuddling hormone” is a hormone secreted by the pituitary gland when you feel the affection to someone you love dearly. Oxytocin helps in creating a strong bond between you and your lover.

    Oxytocin stimulates the production of endorphin which is the ‘happy neuro chemical’ that produces the feelings of ecstasy and pleasure. Endorphins fill you with a sense of well-being and relaxation, and sometimes might even drift you off to sleep. Endorphin has a similar chemical structure of morphine and that explains why it has the pain relief effects.

    The quality of you sex life determine the levels of the above mentions hormones in your body. If you want to have sex as a treatment for gout, you must know how to ‘control’ the release of those hormones.

    The best guideline is to increase the amount of oxytocin and endorphin as much as you can while minimize the fluctuation of dopamine and prolactin. Since oxytocin and endorphin are more emotionally related, so it is good to practice longer lasting sensual experiences with your lover instead of a lustful release of desire.

    Make love, not sex. Those pain and stress relief hormones are hidden in your brain not your sex organ. Cultivate the right feelings and emotions with your love ones by having romantic foreplay and delay the ejaculation for as long as you can while making sure both of you enjoy the pleasure of sex.

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    Source by Heemen Ee

    Views: 0

  • My Husband Left Because He Needs Space – But I Love Him and Want Him to Come Home, What Should I Do?

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    I recently heard from a wife who was quite lonely and devastated. Last week, her husband had decided that he “needed some space,” and he packed his bags and left the home. He had called a few times during his absence, but he wouldn’t give the wife any specifics about how long he expected to be gone and when (or if) he was coming back. The wife regretted how they had left things. They had argued and she had said some things that she definitely didn’t mean while the husband had said some heartless things to her as well.

    So, she had no idea where she stood or where the marriage was headed. And, even though she was angry at the husband for leaving her and for the things that she said, she knew that she still loved him and she wanted for him to come home as soon as possible. She did not want for this one impulsive event to mean the end of her marriage. But she didn’t know how to change the path that they seemed to be on. And, every time she tried to broach this subject with her husband and express her feelings to him, he became flustered and abruptly ended the conversation.

    So, it was clear to the wife that the topic was, at least for now, off limits. And, this left her confused as what she should do. She worried that if she just dropped the topic and backed off altogether, then her husband might just continue to drift away and not come home. But, she didn’t want to continue to push him further away.

    Actually, from my own experience and research, I believe that there is a happy medium here and a tactic that usually brings about the best outcome for everyone concerned. It would also allow for the wife to keep her self respect intact and to emerge in a position of strength rather than one of weakness.

    Even Though You Want Him Home, Try Not To Come On Too Strongly: Obviously, if the wife had her way, the husband would come home full of love and apologies that very evening. But, it was pretty clear that this wasn’t likely. The husband had been calling less and less and seemed more and more annoyed. Believe it or not, you will usually get better results and a better response from him if you let him come to you rather than pushing yourself onto him when he is not receptive to this.

    When I tell women this they will often respond with something like: “well, if I wait for him to pursue me or to come around, I may be waiting around forever. I can’t risk it. What if the saying ‘out of sight out of mind’ is true? What if I give him this space and he doesn’t ever come back to me?”

    Here’s what you might want to consider. He has already left. You can not turn back time and keep this from happening. But, what you can control is how you react right now. You can control how you present yourself right now and this is likely going to influence his perceptions of what he really wants. And, his perceptions aren’t likely to be good if you push when he’s not receptive or focus on the negative and how miserable you are without him.

    A desperate woman who is nagging, debating, or falling apart is not likely to be perceived as attractive. I don’t mean to be cruel about this, but my conversations with men who visit my blog indicate to me that, unfortunately, this is just the way that it is.

    Presenting Yourself As The Woman That You Know He Really Wants: Many women in this situation tell me that they feel like they are no longer who or what their husband wants. You mustn’t think this way. Here’s what you have likely forgotten. He has already chosen you once. You’ve already proven that you have the attributes that he values the most. He was already so crazy about you that he married you.

    Yes, things have started to go wrong and your life might be off track. But, that doesn’t mean that you can’t fix it. You know what he loves about you. Make sure he sees these things without your having to over reach for them. Wait until he is more receptive and then give him small doses of who you know he loves very much. Always keep things light hearted and allow for him to see the woman that he has been missing.

    Even if you feel frightened, unsure, and insecure, save these emotions for trusted girlfriends and family members because it is so important that you try to keep all of the perceptions as positive as you can right now. Make sure that he thinks you aren’t moping around the house praying for his return. Give the impression that you’re confident that if you can gradually improve things, he will come back willingly because you are meant to be together. If you can pull this off, you’ll often find that he’s becoming more and more receptive to you and to the idea of coming home.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0

  • Animal Spirit Guide – Panther Medicine – Astral Magic

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    Spirit of the dark moon,

    traveller of the astral world.

    Master magician,

    a seer of the nights secrets.

    Metaphysical Meaning

    Astral Travel, Spiritual, Secretive, Silent, Elegant, Valor, Connected to the Moon, Solitary, Feminine, Ancient Mysticism, The Crone ( Old wise woman ), Guardian Energy, Power and Strength, God of darkness, Courage, Old Soul, Reclamation of power, Superior telepathic communication, Loners, Visionary, Shape shifter, Sensuality, Distant Healing, No Fear, Alchemy, The Goddess, Self empowerment, Symbol of the shaman.

    Spiritual Symbolism

    Panther augers a time of awakening and uplifting the inner passions which drive our own personal life force. Panther medicine amplifies all the senses and redirects our psychic spiritual energy, to create a highly focused manifestation, seen by others as personal power and magic. Panther spirit symbolizes settling into your own self, being comfortable with yourself bringing forth great personal power. Panther allows us to recognize our own personal sense of purpose in life, and develop a strong spiritual understanding of why you are here.

    A Black Panther maybe smaller than lions and tigers but are the mightier aggressors with superior talent. Panther asks us to look deep into our dark feminine side, our fears, secrets and subconscious. If we learn to become comfortable with our dark side, it will bring healing light to the hidden sides of ourselves. The path of the hero is undertaken by the panther spirit.

    Totem Animal / Spirit Guide

    Panther spirit people encourage others positively through their own zest for life and quest for realizing ones dreams and desires. Panther reminds us to release our fears acknowledge our own power and accept our dark shadow selves. Panther helps in honoring ones own feelings. Panther spirit people have contained in them, the knowledge of the cosmos and other worlds, communicating with beings on an astral level.

    Out of body experiences accompany panther as your spirit guide, her medicine is extremely powerful, magically transferring this to you, allowing a state in which astral travel is not only achievable, but controllable too. Panther spirit people have a healing element behind the look in their eyes, giving way to telepathic healing. On the other hand a panthers stare is transfixing, slightly hypnotic and will instill the fear of death inside of the one looking back at her. Panther spirit people are often prophets and healers with universal insight.

    Mythology from around the world

    Native American Indians the Tucano of the amazon, thought the roar of the panther was the roar of thunder. Symbolizing black panther as the god of darkness causing eclipses by swallowing the sun. In Egyptian mythology the panther is connected with the Crone of the crossroads, Hecate. In China Panthers were embroidered on the robes of Generals in the belief that the Panther’s valor and ferocity would be passed on to the wearer.

    Within the Egyptian Book of the Dead, the king Pepi must pass through the ceiling of heaven wearing his panther skin. Draping the skin across his shoulders symbolized he had eliminated his desires for the earthly realm and its materialistic energy.

    How do you know if Panther is needed in your life or is your spirit guide?

    If you feel as though you need to protect someone in your life at the moment, panther spirit is lurking, offering her assistance. Having Panther come to you in your dreams is a strong message that she wishes you to observe her medicine. Nightmares or frightening dreams of panther is not negative it simply means you are not accepting nor seeing clearly your true self. Being passionate about panthers is a sign you have a connection with her. Being given unknowingly a picture or ornament of panther is a sign of her presence and a spiritual message to study her magic.

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    Source by Ian G Scott

    Views: 0

  • Dousing the Flames of Marital Conflict

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    Conflicts in marriage are endemic. Because this is a union of two distinct individuals each with his or her own likes, dislikes, prejudices and pet peeves, conflicts are built into the marriage packet. As the famous evangelist Billy Graham once said, “For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic. The unblemished ideal exists only in ‘happily-ever-after’ fairy tales. ‘Happily incompatible’ is a good adjustment.”

    No human relationship can exist in a permanent state of happiness, and conflicts need not be viewed as a sign of instability or impending rupture of marriage. Couples need to master the art of quarreling constructively and resolving all conflicts positively. A mature approach will increase understanding and trust, and strengthen their relationship. However this depends on their level of commitment to each other.

    Areas of conflict:

    o Finance: In this consumer-oriented society of today, money or the lack of it can lead to conflict. Spouses have different spending habits. Overspending or unnecessary spending by one partner can upset the family budget, leaving less money for essentials. Entertainment, alcohol, consumer goods can eat into one’s pocket. Similarly miserliness will also trigger conflict.

    o When the needs, wants and desires of one partner are not met, there is a tendency to be irritable or argumentative over trifles.

    o Domination: When one partner is excluded from the decisions that affect them both, friction is bound to arise. Similarly, procrastination by one partner on issues that need urgent decisions can be annoying.

    o In-laws: Too much interference or over dependence of in-laws can become a bone of contention. Unfair references and comparisons lead to quarrels.

    o Children: Different styles of parenting or lack of proper parenting skills can result in heated arguments.

    o Sex: Husbands and wives have exclusive conjugal rights over their partners. Depriving a spouse of normal sexual activity creates tension in the relationship.

    o Working wives: Some women with high tech jobs may not have quality time to spend with husband and children. Stress, fatigue or overwork can sap them of strength and put them in an irritable frame of mind.

    o Habits: Drinking, smoking, gambling or drug taking are frequent causes of conflict.

    o Social activities. Time consuming parties or games leave very little time to spend with each other.

    o Physical and emotional abuse.

    o Self-centeredness.

    o Secrecy: Keeping important secrets from each other is a breach of trust.

    o Infidelity.

    The mark of a good marriage is not the absence of conflict, but how each partner deals with the problem. Conflict is like an ember with the potential to spark into a flame, and if not doused in time, can blaze into a conflagration. The foremost thing to remember is that it is not a battle between enemies. It is just a disagreement between spouses who have promised to love and cherish each other till the end of their lives.

    “Many marriages would be better if both husband and wife realize that they are on the same side,” says Zig Ziglar.

    The aim must be to diffuse the situation by proper resolution, so that it does not crop up again and again.

    There are two options available.

    1.The Negative Approach which will generate hostility.

    2.The Positive Approach which will make the bonds of marriage stronger.

    Negative Approach:

    – One partner personalizes the problem and treats it as an attack. Women are more prone to this approach. They withdraw into themselves and wallow in self pity. Withdrawal may be physical, sexual or emotional. Breach of communication follows. This is a dangerous trend. A trivial problem festers in the mind until it assumes gigantic proportions.

    – Angry reactions like yelling, crying, abuse, sarcasm, insults or even violence are disastrous. The idea obviously is to hurt the other person while defending one’s self in the blame game.

    As Broderick said, “Couples who vent their anger and do nothing to get at its cause and cure are committing marital suicide.”

    Positive Approach:

    1. Couples should never communicate when angry. They should first think things over calmly by themselves and then discuss the issue. Privacy is important. Discussions should not take place in the presence of their children or relatives, but in a quiet place where there will be no interruptions. They must bear in mind at all times that they are allies and not adversaries. There must be eye contact throughout the discussion. Respect for each other’s feelings is important. So the tone of voice and body language must be appropriate. Listening carefully to the other’s point of view is showing respect. Questions and clarifications are in order. It is also a time to share one’s genuine hurts and frustrations. Generalizations like ‘You always find fault’ or ‘You never listen’ are not helpful.

    2. The core issue must be tackled. It is important to define and discuss only the problem that started the conflict. Is the problem repetitive? Is there a recurring pattern? If so, why has the problem not been resolved before? There should be no deviation into unrelated issues. Old problems must not be dredged up and recycled to score a point.

    3. Finance can be a contentious subject. Bad financial habits must be mended. Budgeting one’s income is important. If expenses go beyond the budgeted amount, there should be a discussion on how best to make good the deficit. Honest conversations about purchases, savings and overspending will help. It might require lowering one’s standard of living or finding other ways of income generation.

    4. Sex is an important aspect of marriage. Withholding sex by one partner as a means of punishing the other, is hurtful. Sex enhances intimacy and reconciliation.

    5. Spouses must take responsibility for their contribution to the problem. They should be willing to change their behaviour if necessary. Owning up faults and admitting their weaknesses will diffuse tension. Sometimes it may even be necessary to give into the partner’s wishes, even though not fully agreeable. It is important to focus on what is right and not on who is right. Compromise is by no means weakness. It reflects strength and helps resolve the problem permanently.

    6. Forgiveness is the most important salve that will heal the hurt of conflict. Couples should be generous in forgiving each other’s faults. It may not be easy, but it is always better to get it over with and move on.

    Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. Fault finding and negativity can destroy and tear apart relationships. ‘Let not the sun go down upon your wrath,’ advises Scripture. With proper communication, tolerance and commitment, most conflicts can be resolved.

    As Alexander Perry said, “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.”

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    Source by Eva Bell

    Views: 0

  • Heal Your Broken Heart With Heart Touching Poems

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    Being in love is an amazing experience in itself. Countless days and nights thinking about someone and the moments you spend with them takes you in a world which is far away from reality and seems just like heaven. Lots of promises and commitments for spending the life together is an essence that can never be forgotten. Unfortunately, all the couples are not so blessed; they have to face the separation in the mean of their love journey.

    Whatever the reason may be either the circumstances or the misunderstandings, it seems like all the happiness is going too far from their life. At that time one feels that he should lock himself in a dark room and keep on talking with those memories. It feels like the whole world is laughing on the separation of two hearts.

    Generally, those broken heart guys love to read their previous chats, messages, and letters again and again. No one knows why people do this while the fact is it’s the power of words that take them to rewind all their memorable moments and tears automatically comes out of their eyes. World witnessed that power of word can change an enemy into a friend and vice-versa.

    Love poem have proved their significant existence in the life of the broken heart guys. These love separations have given birth to popular poets. Every one of them has their own love story and unforgettable memories behind those words of the poem. If you are also among the ones that are not so blessed to have your partner with you for lifetime and one thing may work in your favor at this time.

    Try to write your feelings in the form of poem instead of sharing them with all. Once people will show you sympathy but they will not listen to you again and again. And a time will come when they may also hurt you by making fun of your feelings.

    Writing such poems will not only give your heart a relief but a writer may come out from you. With time it may become your hobby which may transform into strength. Though, it’s also true no one can forget their first love. But, sooner or later everyone has to overcome from this deadly experience.

    Remember that, you are doing this for your own benefit. Because when you will complete one poem you will definitely feel the need to write the other. You may notice that different elements of your pain come out of your heart – at first may be pity and then regret but definitely a glimmer of hope will come someday. Just keep on writing whatever bubble ups from the heart to the surface of your mind. Always remember that time is the biggest ointment that will definitely fade out those memories from your life. No matter how far the person has moved away you will definitely learn to live a happy life.

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    Source by Sarika Kataria

    Views: 0

  • Thinking of Divorcing Your Spouse? Save Your Marriage Today

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    There are questions you need to ask yourself when you notice an initial problem in your marriage. Are you unhappy in your marriage and if so, why? Is your spouse happy? Do you experience pain or joy in your marriage? Why are you not happy now after you got married? Why did the happiness before marriage succeeding disappear?

    A lot of marriages were resolved after a series of questions the couples ask themselves. This is the time to think, discuss with your spouse solutions to problems in your relationship. The couples should realize that honesty plays a very important role in this regard.

    The couples should know that marriage is an institution. It is designed by God to help and support each other through sadness and happiness. Normally, there will definitely be some misunderstanding among the couples which may give rise to conflicts, but both of you should be determined that the marriage must work. With this determination, the Devil will find it difficult to penetrate into your marital affairs.

    When you notice that your marriage is about to hit the rock, you should start thinking of saving the marriage because it is quite difficult, frustrating and boring to live alone. The best thing is to save your marriage from total collapse.

    The first thing for the couple is to talk to each other and try to understand the problem when seeking solutions. This method, however, should work because if you were able to develop a love for each other then you should be able to resolve any marital issues on your own without involving any third party

    However, if this method fails the next option is to seek out an advice from friends, family or religious leaders. But the couple should critically examine this advice whether it is appropriate or not as wrong advice can destroy the relationships.

    The third option is to go for counseling which is always very effective in solving marital problems especially if the advice is from a professional counselor. They should, however, be truthful, and openly discuss their marriage problems to get an appropriate solution. In addition, attending marriage seminars can also help.

    The fourth advice is for the couple to agree for temporary separation. This method has helped so many couples around the world to solve their marriage problems which will enable them to experience the feelings of being separated before taking any final decision. Temporary separation is reversible and its main purpose is to develop the skills of resolving problems which will improve the relationship.

    Anyone of the above advice will surely help in saving your marriage from total collapse.

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    Source by Dr Olusola A Coker Ed.D

    Views: 0

  • Crystal Meth Addiction – Signs Someone You Know Is Addicted to Crystal Meth

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    Crystal Meth is a pure form of methamphetamine, derived from either ephedrine or pseudoephedrine. It can be crushed and snorted, melted in a glass pipe and smoked, injected with a syringe, even eaten. Users experience feelings of euphoria, heightened senses, increased energy, a perceived increase in focus and feelings of power.

    The following is a partial list of observable signs a person is on the drug:

    1. Whatever the person is talking about pours out in a stream.

    2. If you have the chance, have the person stick out their tongue. A person who is on meth will be showing you a tongue in muscle spasms. It will look as if it has electrodes hitting different parts of it simultaneously.

    3. People who are on meth tend to sweat well beyond what is considered normal.

    4. Crystal Meth produces dilated pupils.

    5. A person taking it will repeat the same behavior over and over.

    6. You may notice an unusual breakout of what looks like acne, and the person will pick at the blemishes. Even if there is no apparent breakout the addict may pick at his skin for no apparent reason.

    7. You may notice (in some cases but not all) rapid weight loss, especially around the face.

    8. The person’s skin may be clammy looking or grey in pallor.

    9. The addict’s hygiene will be quite poor.

    10. Tooth decay is another common symptom of Crystal Meth abuse. Many people have lost a number of teeth from using the drug over periods of time. This is caused by severe calcium and vitamin deficiencies.

    11. Methamphetamine addicts are very active for periods that can last several days, even up to a week, followed by periods of sleep or depression.

    12. If a person has been taking Crystal Meth for a few days in a row, his jaw may “wind” or move in a sort of circle involuntarily.

    In addition to these symptoms, Crystal Meth creates severe vitamin and mineral deficiencies, causes inflammation around the heart, and causes inflammations on the skin. Meth users typically experience dramatic mood swings, going from elated excitement to feelings of deep depression, suicidal or even homicidal thoughts.

    Many Meth addicts start “projects” such as disassembling a radio, a piece of furniture or an appliance, and end up leaving it a big mess. They will often attempt to repair things by using parts from other things that are handy, creating an enormous mess of incomplete projects all around them.

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    Source by Steven Bruno

    Views: 0

  • The Catcher in the Rye: Mental Health Services and Social Connections for Children

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    The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger, was required reading for my tenth grade English class. I remembered it as a story about the struggles of adolescence, the yearning for independence, and the reluctance to let go of youth. My son is now about the same age as I was when I read the book and we are living through his own nudge for independence, which sparked my interest to give the story another read. Before I began, I wondered what my take on the book would be at this point in life having survived adolescence and received training and experience in child development in addition to having a teen in the house. This reading accentuated the unresolved grief, family dysfunction, mental illness, and lack of social connectedness of the main character, Holden Caulfield, and how these difficulties exacerbate the issues experienced during the typical maturational process. As the country still debates gun control laws in the aftermath of Sandy Hook, and as we try to recover from the Boston Marathon bombing, The Catcher in the Rye reminds us about the importance of developing meaningful and genuine connections with our children and the need to address their mental health issues.

    The Catcher in the Rye begins as a flashback story about Holden Caulfield’s experiences leading up to his nervous breakdown prior to Christmas. Holden narrates the story while receiving inpatient psychological treatment on the west coast. The events begin at Pencey Prep in Pennsylvania, where Holden has been expelled due to poor academic performance, and conclude in New York City as Holden attempts to return home. During the course of his journey, Holden attempts to make connections with a number of people however, he fails miserably due to his social ineptitude, lack of appropriate treatment for what may possibly be bipolar disorder, and inability to believe that other people are capable of being genuine. Holden eventually makes it home and connects with his younger sister. By that time he has decompensated to the point that, even though he is no longer experiencing suicidal ideations, he feels disconnected, misunderstood, and alone. Holden decides that he is going to go away, to escape from society and the rejection, the loneliness, and the pain that he feels. However, Holden makes one last trip to see his sister Phoebe before he disappears. Phoebe’s caring, anger, and innocence provide Holden with the connection he is looking for; she is both a peer and dependent to him. Through Phoebe, Holden is able to cling to his childhood and put off making the leap to young adulthood and independence.

    One theme that I was more attuned to during this reading was the unspoken dysfunction of the Caulfield family. Holden frequently compares himself to his younger, deceased brother, whom he describes as brilliant and athletic, as well as his older brother, who has become a successful author. It is suggested that Holden is a challenging child, and somewhat of a disappointment to his parents as he has been unable to live up to their expectations. He has been expelled from at least four preparatory schools due to poor academic performance, he has difficulty socially connecting with others, and he has frequent mood swings. It is possible that Holden’s parents were drained from watching their youngest son battle with leukemia which left them with little strength to effectively deal with Holden’s grief and potential disability. In Holden’s eyes, they appear to have emotionally and physically divested themselves from him. He has little to no emotional family support and what appears to be very little communication with them. Holden is left adrift to navigate this tumultuous time in his life without support, understanding, and treatment. His efforts to reach out and communicate, including failing out of schools and getting into fights, are not understood as cries for help but are seen as personal shortcomings.

    Holden perceives most people as being phony, superficial, and hypercritical. This may in part be due to his social awkwardness, lack of maturity, and feeling of being abandoned by his parents. He is continuously let down by everyone that he reaches out to for help as they either don’t live up to what Holden has built up in his mind, or they try to take advantage of him. Therefore, Holden comes to believe that everyone is phony who doesn’t or is incapable of meeting his preconceived expectations. In addition, Holden clearly experiences moments of mania during the story, which are often followed by feelings of sadness to the point where he does express some suicidal thoughts. It seems that the lack of communication with his parents, the unresolved grief and guilt over the death of his brother, and the inability to effectively and appropriately connect with others result in Holden being unable to interact with others on anything but a superficial level. The exception to this is Phoebe. Her reluctance to let her brother leave provides Holden with the strength to go home and ask for help. However, in the end, Holden continues to suffer from a lack of love and feelings of loneliness. He states, “Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.” At this point, Holden continues to find it difficult to have genuine, meaningful relationships believing that when you open up to people that they will turn away from you in order to keep the relationship on a superficial level. Holden continues to be plagued by this emotional void and, while there is a hunger for social connectedness, he will continue to experience emptiness and rejection due to his quirkiness.

    For me, reading The Catcher in the Rye in high school highlighted the struggle for independence and Holden’s war on hypocrisy. On this reading, I was able to obtain a better understanding of the tragedy that occurs as a result of Holden’s parents being unable to provide him the emotional support that he needs to overcome his brother’s death and deal with his mental health needs. Holden’s repeated failure to socially connect and develop a meaningful relationship with anyone other than his sister and the lack of treatment for his mental health issues made me think of the recent tragedies in Colorado, Sandy Hook, and Boston. It reinforced the need to take mental health needs and services seriously; just because these conditions are unseen doesn’t mean that they aren’t debilitating. Feeling cared for and connected to others reduces the stress, stigma, and isolation that are associated with these conditions. It made me wonder whether these tragedies could have been avoided if the people involved had received appropriate therapy and treatment. They may have felt connected and accepted, and these tragedies may have been avoided. The message of being accepted and cared for from The Catcher in the Rye continues to be relevant to young people today as we all strive for acceptance.

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    Source by David Pino

    Views: 0

  • Mindset: A Summary

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    Dr. Carol S. Dweck was challenged by her student to write a book on the results of years of their research study. Dr. Carol S. Dweck rose to the occasion and has written this book, “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, and How we can Learn to Fulfill Our Potential” in the hope that it will help the ordinary human being understand that life is what you make it and not what was dealt to you at birth. She has written in simple language giving examples of ordinary real people like herself and her students, artists like Picasso, sportsmen like Michael Jordan, the basketball player and John McEnroe the tennis player, Marina Semyonova the great Russian dance instructor and CEOs of different companies to name a few. In the third paragraph of her introduction she writes, “… you’ll learn how a simple belief about yourself… guides a large part of your life… In fact it permeates every part of your life… ” Thus she draws the reader into the book, making the reader one of her real life examples as the reader finds himself or herself in these examples.

    Dr. Dweck introduces the two types of mindsets, the fixed mindset and the growth mindset in the first section of the book. She writes how she learned from ten year old kids that failure could be turned into a gift if you had the right mindset. By giving them hard puzzles to work on, the kids cultivated their intellectual skills through effort and did not give up. These kids became her role models in her pursuit of whether human qualities are things that can be cultivated or are things curved in stone. Each person has a unique genetic endowment but experience, training, and personal effort take them the rest of the way.

    Dr. Dweck’s twenty years of research has shown that the view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life. She writes that, if you believe that your qualities and traits are curved in stone and cannot be changed then you have a fixed mindset. And if you believe that cherished qualities and traits can be developed and cultivated then you have a growth mindset.

    Fixed mindset people believe that an individual’s intelligence, quality and traits are a fixed quantity which cannot be increased. If they are doing well in school then they are smarter than the others who are not doing well. If they do well in sports then they have talent dealt them at birth. They spend time to prove that they are better in the qualities dealt to them just to prove they were dealt a healthy dose and that they are not deficient. If something doesn’t work for fixed mindset people they always blame it on something else.

    Growth mindset people work hard to do better always. They do not sit back and see their accomplishments as the final goal. In their minds there is always room for improvement. They have no time to sit and see themselves as the best or better than others. They have no time to sit and think that they have a special talent. They are busy thinking of how they can make it better and what changes they can make if something expected did not go right. To them if something doesn’t go right it’s not failure it is a challenge to find out ways to make it happen.

    In the second section of the book, Dr.Dweck, takes us through her research journey of fixed mindset and a journey of growth mindset through several sets of eyes. Showing how these two mindsets make or break people in their daily lives. In individual sports she gives an example of John McEnroe fixed mindset in tennis. He was a brilliant player who believed on talent not effort and working hard. When he didn’t win he blamed it on something else. Like when he blamed the system for not liking the game any more. He would not take responsibility. Micheal Jordan on the other hand has a growth mindset. If he missed a goal he would go and practice for several hours trying to figure out why he missed it In team sport the author gives an example of Couch John Wooden who was tactically and strategically average but went on to win ten national championships. Coach Wooden a growth mindset, tells us he was good at getting players to fill roles as part of a team. He cared about the feelings of the players. Fixed mindset like Coach Bobby Knight picked players for talent. He was an excellent coach but used the dictator approach to win. The winning were short lived and broke individuals’ characters in the process.

    In corporate companies the author uses General Electric CEO, Jack Welch, as the fixed mindset who managed to humble himself to a growth mindset and as he grew in his mindset the company grew at the same time. Lee Iacocca whose fixed mind set is good to bring the company up to the top in a hurry but then you need to get rid of him before he breaks it. Ford motor company did just that and Lee Iacocca was not happy. Fixed mindsets leaders are more concerned with being heroes and put their ego before the welfare of the company. The author gives example of Enron as a company that broke in the hands fixed mindset high echelon smart people. Enron employed smart people with talent and paid the maximum price of closing the company. Enron is a good example of groupthink where executives get carried away with their brilliance and superiority and make catastrophic decisions.

    In love, these two mindsets can make or break a relationship. In her research, Dr. Dweck, found out that fixed mindsets feel judged and labeled by rejection in a break up. They also chose revenge as a means to get at the person who hurt them. Growth mindsets chose to forgive, learn from it and move on. The author gives Hilary Clinton as an example who forgave her husband and went to canceling in order to save her relationship. Time and effort is needed to cultivate the emotional skills that are needed to keep a relationship.

    Dr. Dweck, ends this third section with the influence that parents’, teachers’ and coaches’ mindsets have on children that are under their care. In her research she found out that children interpret the caregivers words of support and encouragement in a fixed mindset approach. This sets them up for failure. For example, “… You learned that so quickly! You are so smart… ” is interpreted as “… If I don’t learn something quickly, I’m not smart… ” She explains that parents, teachers and coaches should refrain from giving praise that judges their intelligence or talent but praise them for the work that they put in. She goes on to say parents, teachers, and coaches need to give equal time and attention to the children regardless of their initial skills. The children will in turn give all and blossom. The author points out, “… As parents, teachers, and coaches we are entrusted with peoples’ lives. They are our responsibility and our legacy… “

    In the fourth section of the book, Dr. Dweck, embarks on the most gratifying part of her work, watching people change. People are not conscious or aware of their beliefs. Dr Aaron Beck, a psychiatrist, discovered that he could teach them how to work with and change these beliefs. And cognitive therapy, one of the most effective therapies ever developed, was born. Dr Dweck, used workshops to probe the way people of fixed mindsets dealt with information they were receiving. She found that they put a strong evaluation on each piece of information. Something good led to a very strong positive label and something bad led to a very strong negative label. People with growth mindset are also constantly monitoring what’s going on, but their internal monologue is not about judging themselves or others. They are sensitive to positive and negative information, but they are attuned to it’s implications for learning and constructive action. Dr. Dweck also had workshop for students. The workshops require a large staff to deliver the material. So the workshop material was put on interactive computer modules. The teachers guide their classes through the modules, and called it Braintology. These mindset workshops put students in charge of their brain.

    It is interesting to note how a simple characteristic like a mindset affects decision making in a wide spectrum of the population. A student in kindergarten, a CEO in billion dollar company, a surgeon at work in a hospital, a sportsman at practice and on the court, a chef at a high end hotel, selection of dance students and a sport team. College students drop classes or drop out of school due to having a fixed mindset. A growth mindset helps you learn to deal with anger, and deal with stereotypes in racial and gender discrimination. It’s quite fascinating.

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    Source by Nancy Maina

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  • My Husband Says He’s Miserable With Me and Isn’t Sure He Wants to Be Married – Insights to Help

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    Over the weekend, I received some correspondence from a wife who had noticed her husband acting cold and distant all weekend. He seemed to be picking fights, was clearly on edge and was showing body language and postures which indicated that something was very wrong. Of course, the wife asked him what was bothering him and he proceeded to answer with phrases like “nothing,” or “it’s just a bad day.”

    The wife was not happy with these responses and continued to press. The husband proceeded to withdrawal and act defensive. Finally, after the wife continued to follow him around and nag him, he angrily blurted out “can’t you see I’m miserable with you? If it weren’t for the kids, I’m not sure if I’d even want to be married to you.” The wife later regretted her response (which was to tell the husband that being married to him was no picnic either.)

    Later when they both calmed down, she asked him if he really meant what he said. The husband took a deep breath and said “I really don’t want to hurt you, but yes, I’m just not happy. I don’t know if it’s healthy for either of us to remain married.” The wife wanted my advice as to how she should proceed or act around him as he was clearly determined to sulk and complain. I will tell you what I told her in the following article.

    Determining What Responsibility A Wife Has In Her Husband’s Misery: The wife admitted that things weren’t perfect in her marriage. In fact, she had felt a distance growing in her marriage for some time. However, she would have never guessed that her husband was as miserable as he said he was. She suspected that he was projecting some disappointment and misery in other areas of his life and from his work onto their marriage.

    She may well have been right. This is actually quite a common occurrence. Much of the misery that he was feeling may not have initiated with her, but what was more important than it’s origin was the fact that he was equating his negative feelings with her and with the marriage. This may well be very unfair and even quite inaccurate. But, like it or not, this was her reality today and even she admitted that the marriage could use some improvement.

    So, while much of this may not have been her fault, there were certainly areas that she could address and improve. In a marriage that is working well, the spouse who is having issues with his job, his life, or his family will typically find solace and comfort in his spouse – rather than blaming her for the problem. The fact that he was doing just that indicated that there was a lot of room for improvement.

    So while the responsibility for the husband’s misery very likely did not lie totally with the wife, there was some opportunity to provide support and to let him know that she was there for him, willing to listen, and willing to help him in any way that she could – which is probably exactly what she would want for him to do if the roles were reversed.

    Beginning To Make Improvements In Your Marriage When You Husband Wants To Remain Alone In Being Miserable: When I explained some of these things with the wife, she was a bit resistant. She said that he was moping around so much that he might trip on his bottom lip. Granted, it can be hard to approach someone like this. But, she had pretty much been either ignoring him or trying to convince him either that he wasn’t as miserable as he thought, or that, if he was, this was his fault and not hers.

    Although this strategy is understandable, it’s not usually the most effective. The first step would be to calmly bring this out into the open and say your peace in a positive way that doesn’t continue to encourage or elicit his negative emotions. She might start by saying something like “I’m very sorry that you’re so unhappy right now. I love you and want for you to be happy. If there’s anything that I can do to help with this, I’m more than willing to do that. I can listen. I can offer support. I can make some shifts and changes if that’s what you need, but I can’t read your mind. Are you willing to talk about this so that we can come up with a plan to make this better?”

    I had no way to predict how the husband was going to react. I can tell you from previous experiences that some husbands will continue on with the negative act and say things like “it’s too late,” or “there’s nothing that you can do now.” Some men, though will begin to meet you half way even in the beginning. No matter what reaction you get, it’s very important that you respond in a positive manner. If they lash out, reply that you’re sorry to hear that and again offer your support. Eventually as you remain calm, supportive, and positive, it will become harder and harder to remain negative when you refuse to engage them.

    If they do tell you some things that might help, by all means meet them half way and do what you can to make things better. Although not all of this is your fault, it will only benefit both you and your marriage if you can lighten the tension, begin to identify and work on the issues, and to be the spouse that you would want your husband to be to you if the roles were reversed. If you can do this, it’s highly likely that all of the “ending the marriage” talk will begin to eventually lessen also.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

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