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  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

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    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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    Source by Mandy Peterson

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  • Living Alone with Hemiparesis

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    Safety would be the primary concern of course when people with hemiparesis live alone or are alone for extended amounts of time. Of course your first references are your doctor, physical therapist and occupational therapists especially. This being stated, I can offer insights on some important items to consider in practical aspects of living alone after a traumatic brain injury or a stroke that result in a severe muscle weakness along the left or right side of the body and is sometimes exhibited in slight nerve damage as with me. Perhaps instead of living by them selves, it would be better to consider us living independently. At this writing, I will have reached almost thirty years of living with hemiparesis. Most of this time I was living alone and working as an engineer and writer, author.

    For us, the detrimental effects of hemiparesis are still prevalent even after initial rehabilitation and limited recovery. The effects can change with extreme variation.

    Effects When Tired or Awoken

    When the body is tired, effects can be worse and certainly more dangerous when living alone. An example is if awoken in the night, maybe by thirst, a call, or other concern. Even a healthy person could possibly stumble on sleepy legs or with eyes half open, but for those with left or right hemiparesis, the negative effects are magnified. A stumble can turn into a fall and possibly a head injury since one arm has poor strength, does not react quickly and is not likely to stop a fall. If a foot drags slightly during the day with shoes, then it can be so much worse at night even so unsafe that the person will roll over the toes so as to bruise them and fall forward on the weak side. Lessons learned here emphasize the need for uncluttered floors and hallways. A stray shoe on the floor or even newspaper can prove disastrous. Either could throw off the balance suddenly for a waking person especially in the dark.

    This brings up a suggestion for low level lighting in the home or apartment. Economical battery operated motion detector lights are available at many stores now or a search online. Even if a cane is not needed during the day; it would be wise to have a cane near the bed, even a quad cane for late night awakenings or an early morning rising. In the morning, there are other issues as tightened up leg muscles that need stretching before safely moving.

    Shower and Bathroom Safety

    Morning stretching is important, especially as we who are injured age but more importantly, shower safety needs to be addressed. There is much assistive devices available and occupational therapists can communicate effectively the needs here, however I can give you my thoughts. These are that it can be quite scary at times, especially if you have had an accident, falling in the shower, tub or bathroom before. You will need to be able to have something within reach on your good side to grab onto, basically at all times. Please note that if you can’t use the screwed in support rails and use the bars with suction cups, you really need at least two bars together. Redundant support as these are known t slip and when you have water or soap in your eyes and reach out with the bar slipping, it can be devastating. I would recommend having a bar on the entry or exit and on the opposite side. This way if a person with hemiparesis turns around there is always a bar on the good side.

    But it does not stop there. Bathroom floors are usually smooth surfaces and with one foot having no or minimal grab, then any water on a smooth tile or marble surface is like ice and can easily cause a fall when drying. Rubber backed rugs are most often used but can bunch up under feet. A work around solution for these throw rugs is rubber strips with adhesive on both sides. The local hardware store will have some rug grippers or search the web

    Dressing

    This is an area again where an occupational therapist assures you are prepared with any assistive devices for reaching around the weak side or fastening in back and collar. However, I can emphasize that so much more time needs to be available, just in case. Even though, there are assistive devices and there is ample training in doing this usually available before even leaving the hospital.

    Food Preparation, Cooking Kitchen Safety

    One’s ability to prepare meals will vary. I understand it’s good to be independent but in the kitchen it just may be smarter to minimize preparation with knives or stovetop. Even the oven can cause burns and fire easily. Having a cardboard pizza box fall onto a hot broiler iron can start a fire that is not too easy for someone with a disability to put out quickly. Sure there are now small convenient fire extinguishers available but some often need two good hands to operate correctly and then even finding it quickly can be an issue for trauma, brain injury or stroke victims.

    Fortunately, there has been an improvement In microwave dinners. This certainly would not be your first option in the past. However, I have been at this for almost thirty years now and I really have seen a great variety come on the market and costs go down. Good, healthy dinners can be cooked in one minute. I still bake chicken and pizze plus a few others but safety really needs to bethe forst priority. Losing balance and reaching out to find as hot frying pan to lean on can happen and I have personal experience, it’s not a quick heal having a burn in the palm of your good hand. Agsin here as in the bathroom, a rug with rubber backing and rug grabbers should be required.

    Mind Body Health Needs

    Concentration and Focus are the key in most everything that the person with hemiparesis might have to overcome. That is why ongoing brain training is so important.

    Human interaction, relationships contribute greatly to complex usage of our brain and even helping to stay young. Well living alone minimizes this benefit ad over time can have an adverse effect. Sure, some will say the upward potential may be limited but start with the objective of not losing ability. Without regular exercise, mind or body can atrophy to borrow a term used to describe not using muscles.

    There are free and paid sources on the web. There are now brain improvement magazines at the local supermarket and brain games are popular and effective, most even for one hand use.

    Geographic Area Specific Issues

    Depending on your locality, power outages can occur during natural events mostly as snow or ice storms, hurricanes, tornadoes. When living on the eastern coast, I lost power even when their was a high windstorm. Natural events as this can have an impact on people living with hemiparesis just as they do for others with a disability, elderly or families in general. However preparedness is the key here and living alone increases importance of having battery lighting, food, water, cell phone, radio, all available and easily attainable in possibly in the dark.

    The power loss may be worse in cold weather for this condition as detrimental effects can disable some people with this extreme muscle weakness and possibly nerve damage. This varies of course depending on person or injury but in general arms and legs can start shaking uncontrollably and a serious limitation to mobility. Poor effects are also exhibit in sudden changes of weather. Each person may experience this differently but a check with your physician is best.

    To assist in times as these, warm clothing, even a safe generator where it can be installed in a home as a backup are suggestions with heat packs available at sporting good stores or camping supply shop.

    Summary

    Some of the techniques and tips outlined here may seem obvious to some or simple but they are not always thought of ahead of time before they are used. This is evident in support forums online, knowing individuals and my own thirty years of living with hemiparesis. There are of course more but in general, consideration that movements can be slow at times as can thinking. An important point is if there is a loss of balance or tripping, it will most likely be on the weak side which of course doesn’t react fast nor have enough hand strength usually to hang on to something firmly. This is why safety is the first priority when living alone with this injury.

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    Source by Leon Edward

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  • Multi Level, Affiliate, Joint Venture, or Network Marketing: What’s the Difference?

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    Have you been online and noticed all the ads and “hoopla” about Multi Level Marketing, Affiliate Marketing, or Joint Venture (JV) Marketing and wondering what the difference is? These three terms alone are everywhere, especially when it comes to making revenue online, and are synonymous with the term Network Marketing, where we all “network” with each other to make sales conversions.

    There are many terms and confusing explanations. Here’s my view.

    Multi Level Marketing may also be called Direct Sales Companies. A few of these that come to mind are companies like, Amway, Mary Kay, thirty-one, and Tupperware. These companies build their businesses by recruiting sales associates, or independent consultants, to join the “team” under them.

    The associates in turn recruit others to sell the products, and recruit consultants likewise. Their commissions are paid on a tiered scale. The amount of your pay depends on the place you’re at in the company and how many recruits you have under you. The higher your level in the company the more percentage of commissions you take on your sales and on the associates under you.

    Some may get the MLM confused with a pyramid. Here’s the difference: MLM’s have a legitimate product to sell you, and have low enrollment fees; a pyramid has high enrollment fees, and does not have a product to sell you. Plus, pyramids are illegal.

    Affiliate Marketing brings to mind companies like Amazon, ClickBank, Google AdSense. These type of companies have established sites with vendors already in place, where you can sign up as an affiliate, promote vendor products and be compensated for it.

    Joint Venture products brings to mind companies like Dow Corning (Dow Chemicals and Corning), Sony Ericsson (Sony Corporation and Ericsson Mobile Phones). With JV marketing you are joining with a partner to develop and/or promote a product. Another term that is used is “co-venturing.” These companies share expenses, revenues and assets.

    Some say that MLM’s, Affiliate and JV Marketing are the same. I feel that there is a slight difference between the three. Again, here’s my view.

    To recap:

    • With MLM’s you are recruiting associates, or consultants under you, while selling products.
    • With Affiliate Marketing you are taking a product that has already been developed and are helping someone else promote it, while sharing commissions on the sold product.
    • With JV Marketing you are joining with a partner to develop, promote, and sell your product, while sharing expenses, revenues and assets.
    • These can all fall into Network Marketing because you can “network” with others to bring about your results.

    Whichever marketing strategy you use is all up to your individual preference and gifts. Now that you know the differences, find the ones you like, and start generating your revenue! There are more opportunities than you can imagine.

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    Source by BG Jenkins

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  • The Single Sales Principle and The 8 Myths of Selling

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    The Single Sales Principle states that:

    ‘People buy when a compelling need is met by a credible solution that offers perceived value’.

    Simple. Too simple? Well, as Jim Collins claims in his book Good to Great, “Freud, Darwin and Einstein all had one thing in common. They took a complex world and simplified it.” And Single Principled Salespeople do just that. They understand that selling doesn’t have to be complicated. They simply make it easy for a customer to buy.

    It’s one of the two things they have in common. They are customer centric, not sales centric.

    The other thing that Single Principled Salespeople have in common is that they never follow the 8 myths of selling. Simply never.

    The 8 myths of selling were taught by well-meaning sales managers, eager to pass on the wisdom and knowledge that their sales managers had passed on to them. Like a cult, however, no one had questioned whether they were true. The 8 myths may have worked in their day, but they simply do not work today.

    Do you remember how you felt when you discovered there wasn’t really a Santa Claus? I remember it well. It was the 12th December 1971 and my (so called) best friend Johnny Harrison broke the fateful news to me over a Curly Wurly. I felt like I had been had. You don’t question what you are told as a kid; you just believe it to be true.

    Well, that was also the way I felt the day that I discovered that everything that I had been taught up to that point in sales was a complete lie; all myths. They were theories that had no substance in the modern world.

    Walk onto most sales floors and you’ll see the 8 myths of selling proudly displayed on the wall (probably next to the target and the ‘Inspiration’ poster):

    “Attitude Sets Altitude”

    “People Buy People”

    “Always Be Closing”

    “Customers Like to Talk about Themselves”

    “It’s a Numbers Game”

    “Sell the Sizzle not the Sausage”

    “Money Talks”

    “Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail”

    Be honest, you believe in at least half of the 8 myths yourself, don’t you? You are not alone.

    Most salespeople will quote them as the ‘sales gospel’. Suggest that they are myths and they will think you have gone mad.

    On the surface the 8 myths look perfectly reasonable. In fact, set inside a picture frame, each one looks positively motivating. And I am sure they made a lot of sense, at the time. But things change. And so has selling.

    Myth 1: Always Be Closing

    If you need to use closing techniques to get a sale, you clearly haven’t demonstrated that your product meets their needs. Rather than force the customer into a decision they will regret, simply go back to where you lost them in the buying process, and start again from there. If you apply the Single Sales Principle® you don’t need to close… the customer should be asking you to buy.

    Myth 2: Attitude sets Altitude

    Abraham Lincoln asked the question: “How many legs does a dog have if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg”. No amount of looking in the mirror and telling yourself ‘you’re a tiger’ will work if you don’t believe in your product.

    The better the value proposition, the better the attitude of a salesperson. Single Principled Salespeople ensure that they have a deep, genuine belief in their value proposition.

    Myth 3: People Buy People

    People buy when the product/service cost-effectively meets the customer’s needs. No amount of schmoozing with a client will make up for a poor product match.

    Being personable is, of course, important in sales. But isn’t it important in all vocations? Friendly plumbers are more pleasant to deal with than unfriendly plumbers. Friendly bus drivers are more pleasant to deal with than unfriendly bus drivers. Friendly lawyers are more pleasant to deal with than unfriendly lawyers (unless they’re on your team of course!) Ken Hubbard, the American writer said “Beauty is only skin deep, but it’s a valuable asset if you’re poor or haven’t any common sense!”

    In the good old/bad old days, salespeople would use their charm (‘beauty’) to cover up for this lack of a credible solution (‘common sense’). Today’s professional buyer can see through that. It’s what is underneath that counts most.

    Myth 4: Customers Like to Talk about Themselves

    We have sat on thousands of sales calls. Some were good. Some were bad. And some were downright ugly. The bad ones were those where the salesperson doesn’t ask any questions at all. They launch into their features and benefits without any consideration for what the buyer may actually needed.

    And then there were the ugly calls. The salesperson knew that they had to conduct a fact find, and gain as much information about the customer as possible. So they launched into a ‘Spanish inquisition’, asking a list of meaningless questions that did nothing but bore the customer.

    Yes, there is a certain amount of information that needs to be identified in a sales intervention, as without it it is difficult to make a recommendation and know whether the opportunity is worth fighting for. But this is all for your benefit, not theirs. Needs make sales, not customer biographies.

    Myth 5: It’s a Numbers Game

    Average salespeople get a long way by putting in long hours and running around contacting a lot of people. They then submit ‘phantom forecasts’; over-optimistic sales projections based on a pipeline of proposals that never convert into actual business. This is because the needs identified in the sales call were not compelling needs.

    Just having a need doesn’t mean that the customer will act upon it. Many of the deals on a salesperson’s pipeline remain unclosed because the customer keeps procrastinating over the decision. Playing the numbers game doesn’t help them deliver more sales. It just creates more work for themselves and everyone around them.

    The Single Principled Salesperson ensures that the needs are compelling prior to presenting the solution. Why? Because only then are they assured that the customer will be motivated into action.

    Myth 6: Sell the Sizzle, not the Sausage

    We love the concept of making presentations sizzle. Our issue with the myth of ‘selling the sizzle’ is with how salespeople think that they can bamboozle a customer with fancy presentations that are high on show but low on substance.

    At first sight, ‘selling the sizzle’ seems to make perfect sense. The sausage sizzling away on a griddle is much more likely to sell than an uncooked sausage sitting in the fridge. But this is because the sizzle fired up your senses bringing attention to the fact that you are hungry. The sizzle satisfied your compelling need.

    Ever smelt a sizzling sausage when you have food poisoning? It would probably make you feel even worse. This is because this time your need isn’t hunger. In fact, food is the last thing you need.

    Myth 7: Money Talks

    Listen to buyers and you’d think that they really do believe that money talks. Buyers are a brutal species, taking sheer delight in making a salesperson sweat on price. They trick them into thinking it is all about cost, and if the salesperson doesn’t drop their price they will find a supplier who will. Indeed, some buyers actually believe in this hype themselves.

    But customers actually want value, not the cheapest price. If people wanted cheap we would all be driving around in 10-year-old cars and shopping in charity shops. Products are only perceived as expensive if the value is not appreciated by the customer. You’ll never lose a deal on price, only on value.

    Myth 8: Fail to Plan, Plan to Fail

    Salespeople tend to fall into two camps: those who plan too much and those who hardly plan at all.

    Those who plan too much tend to be ‘busy fools,’ i.e. running around doing very little. When we go out with these salespeople on calls they show us all the planning they have done: a tour of the client’s website; the previous history; a list of questions they are going to ask; competitor information etc. The problem is they don’t even refer to it.

    The second type are those salespeople who do very little planning. Indeed, most salespeople fall into this category. You may be surprised to learn that so do Single Principled Salespeople.

    “Hooray!” I hear the cry from the sales community at large. “What? No need to plan?” Not quite!

    Peter Drucker, the management guru, defined the difference between ‘effectiveness’ and ‘efficiency’ as being:

    “Efficiency is doing things right; Effectiveness is doing the right things.”

    Single Principled Salespeople are effective because they identify the right things to do. It’s why they often work fewer hours than the average performers.

    The cartoonist, Doug Larson, said on time management, “For disappearing acts, it’s hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work.” I think we can all empathise with this sentiment. Life is too short to be planning for the sake of it.

    The 8 Myths of Selling Summary

    Winston Churchill said “Out of intense complexities, simplicities emerge.” Selling has become a complicated business. But it doesn’t have to be. Simple is good.

    And that’s why great sales people follow the Single Sales Principle®. By focussing on matching compelling needs with credible solutions that offer perceived value you will succeed in selling. We guarantee it. Follow the 8 myths and you will become frustrated and disillusioned with our wonderful profession.

    Original article written by Mark Blackmore (MD of Lammore)

    For more information on the ‘Single Sales Principle’ sales training programme contact:

    Ben Thompson

    ben.thompson@lammore.com

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    Source by Ben Charles Thompson

    Views: 0

  • What Is Wealthy Affiliate?

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    Wealthy Affiliate is an online community membership site founded in 2005 by two online marketers Carson and Kyle. It has become the number one community for creating and growing a successful online business.

    Wealthy Affiliate is a training website with a massive online community who engage with one another and offer help and support.

    Who Can Profit From Wealthy Affiliate University?

    Wealthy Affiliate (WA) makes the program available for everyone, including those who don’t have enough money to pay high prices for training or have a limited budget. WA offers instruction for people with different skill levels, from newbie’s up to experienced marketers.

    People Who Can Benefit From WA:

    Internet Marketers

    Local businesses and companies

    Online merchants

    Local marketers

    People that want to build their own website(s)

    People that want to sell their products online

    Retired people, looking for an extra income

    Individuals looking for a trusted hosting platform

    Students

    People who want to turn their hobby into an additional income

    Bloggers and website owners that want to improve their web sites

    Artist/Bands/Musicians Churches and Non-Profits.

    What Wealthy Affiliate Is Not?

    WA is not a “get rich quick” scheme. WA IS NOT AN MLM program and you do not need to build a massive down line to make money from the program. There isn’t a prerequisite to sell WA itself. You will not get rich overnight, unless you are a skilled marketer. The platform will teach you how to make money online.

    It will help you to build a solid online business that will endure for a long time, along with live support that you will need to soften the notion of doing it alone.

    How much does it cost to join Wealthy Affiliate?

    Wealthy Affiliate Starter Membership – Free.

    Premium Membership – $47 month or $359 yearly.

    If you upgrade to the premium membership within 7 days your first month access will only be $19.00

    Wealthy Affiliate General Overview

    There are several types of training that are available to members and it has everything from email marketing, list building, SEO, PPC marketing, article marketing, website development and technical training. The database has more than 300 teaching lessons and each month more resources are added.

    The training is attuned to suit every ones needs and includes:

    Video training

    Tutorial Training

    Classrooms on specific topics

    Question and Answers

    Live weekly training classes

    Task based Courses

    Participate in interactive discussions

    Why Do You Need WA?

    Affordability – Usually when people see all the upgrades or up-sells for different products or services, they automatically enter a negative mindset because they know that if they do not earn quickly, they will lose a huge sum of money. Most people start on a small budget and simply cannot afford to pay for expensive advertising or constant upgrades.

    Wealthy Affiliate has a free option and members can experiment with the program without any obligations, especially if they are not sure about the direction they want to take in the online marketplace. The premium membership is at a fixed rate and that gives members the freedom to work on a budget without having to be concerned about working harder just to upgrade to another level.

    All in one platform – To become successful online, we all need more services like hosting, a blog or website, content and various tools to run our businesses successfully. These services and tools can add up to a costly amount when you put it all together, and new as well as existing online entrepreneurs struggle immeasurably to keep up when they don’t earn from the internet quickly. Wealthy Affiliate has done a great job at adding the essential tools and services into one platform to get new marketers to get that critical head start.

    Website Builder and Hosting – WA allows you to use WordPress (WP) Express to build your own WP optimized blog and SiteRubix powers it. WordPress had become the most popular blogging platform with dozens of templates to choose from. You can choose to run the blog on a free siterubix.com domain or link it to your own. SiteRubix has a remarkable reputation and websites that are hosted on the service tend to do exceptionally well compared to other hosting companies.

    Coaching and Support – New online entrepreneurs are not able to get successful by themselves. If you have questions, they will get answered! The customer support is quick to respond and aids members with any issues that they might run into. Carson and Kyle are actively partaking along with members to answer questions personally. That alone shows the great amount of dedication they have when it comes to helping members.

    People who have absolutely no clue about earning an income online enter this marketplace on a daily basis and the World Wide Web has tons of “money-making” programs, products and tutorials that confuse new marketers badly enough and even cause a massive amount of people to fall into scams or empty promises.

    It has been proven that most successful online marketers had a mentor or support program that guided them into becoming successful. This is the best active community online and many methods to communicate are available like; a live chat box, questionnaire option, forum, active dashboard and micro blog communication.

    There is no negativity or judgmental behavior like we see in the public forums, only quality conversations. You will be able to network with like-minded marketers and meet countless people who will share ideas or support one another.

    Inspiration – Without motivation, it is hard to complete anything in life, not to mention starting up an online business. Wealthy Affiliate keep their learners motivated by setting up goals and then reward those who had met the goals by giving away something of value. For most people it is much easier to reach success when they have something to work towards that is worth the effort.

    Wealthy Affiliate will most certainly not make you rich and it will not make you successful. In the end the decision to take action will all be in your hands and no amount of training or support can replace free will. The law of sowing and reaping is how you will receive your harvest.

    What Is Wealthy Affiliate?

    Wealthy Affiliate is someone who unites with others of like-mindedness, on the terms of having and obtaining legitimate unlimited wealth.

    WA gives you all the building materials, but the rest will be up to you. Getting started is always the hardest part, but with the right motivation and positive attitude there is absolutely no reason to fail.

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    Source by Jamie Clay

    Views: 0

  • 6 Bad Habits That Affect Baseball and Softball Hitters

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    One of the most common complaints from players is the lack of power behind the plate. No matter what philosophy of hitting you believe in, none of them will help you reach your greatest potential if these top 6 bad habits are not stopped in their tracks. This is true for baseball and girls’ softball. If you have any of these bad habits, ridding yourself of them will automatically increase power and bat speed.

    Smushing the Bug

    If you were taught to smush the bug, you have dug yourself into a hole. Smushing the Bug involves a small muscle movement that reduces power and bat speed. Some hitters are taught to twist or turn their back foot to create more bat speed and power in the swing. Nothing can be farther than the truth. Additionally, it is nearly impossible for you to hit middle or outside pitches with the sweet spot of the bat if you have a spinning back foot problem. A sure pop out! This is the most major of these six diseases because it also throws off your balance. This bad habit needs to be fixed right away, but it’s not easy.

    Correction: Try swinging the bat while your back foot is planted flat on the ground. See if you can swing without moving your back heel off the ground. Also, it may be helpful to work on hitting outside pitches off of the tee. This will help you hit from your heels and keep that foot from spinning too soon.

    Bat Wrapper

    This common bad habit affects batters who were trained in the “back elbow up” theory. If your back elbow goes up when getting your weight back, the bat will start to wrap around your head and throw off the timing of the swing, ultimately adversely effecting power and bat speed.

    Correction: In your stance, bring the elbow down right away. If this doesn’t work and your elbow keeps popping up, lay the bat back in your top hand when you move your hands and weight back. This should help prevent the bat from wrapping around your head. You should iron this out by practicing this correction technique until you’re confident that the habit is broken. This disease is most likely going to keep coming back, so monitor it and drill it out of your system!

    Back leg collapse

    This disease is pretty serious and must be addressed. When that back leg collapses, you lose all of the power in your big muscles, and your eyes and head do too much bobbing. This type of batter pops out a lot!

    Correction: Stay as tall as possible in your stance and when swinging the bat for power.

    If that doesn’t work, do some swinging drills where you swing off your back leg only. If it collapses, you’ll fall down swinging. Remember, stay tall and hit the ball!

    Head Diver

    This player was led to believe that if he dives his head near the contact zone, he’ll see the ball better. This action causes your eyes to move off the ball path and throws you off balance. It also locks up the large muscles and prevents power and bat speed production.

    Correction: Concentrate on thrusting your back muscles. If you’re a head diver, you’re trying too hard to hit the ball with your eyes instead of letting your body bring your hands to the ball. “Crack your back” and keep your head behind the ball. It is nearly impossible to have any kind of power or bat speed when you are off balance. Once you contact the ball, remember that it’s OK to let your head come off of the ball for a complete follow-through!

    Bent Lead Arm

    If hitters’ are swinging slightly up and popping up often, you can look to see if their lead arm is bending too much at the start of their swing. This problem is rare, but easy to fix.

    Correction: All you need to do is concentrate on keeping the lead arm straighter when starting your swing. Most advanced or experienced hitters will not have this problem, but it’s something to be aware of. Remember; only make adjustments when the ball is not flying like it should in batting practice. If you’re hitting rockets and your lead arm bends a little, then who cares? In the swing, the lead arm will usually straighten at first and then possibly bend at contact depending on pitch location (Especially the low pitch).

    Twister

    The hitter who twists his upper torso while getting his weight back before he swings will have problems hitting the ball. There is way too much eye movement and upper body movement when the hitter has this problem. This throws your timing and swing path out of synch.

    Correction: This is a rare disease that can be cured by religiously practicing getting your weight back without turning your shoulders. Your hands should move straight back without the shoulder turning much. It makes a big difference!

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    Source by Mike Huber

    Views: 0

  • Categories of Ethical Dilemmas in Business

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    First published in Exchange, the magazine of the Brigham Young University School of Business, the following twelve categories were developed to cover the root or cause of most ethical business dilemmas that one might encounter in their jobs. I have summarized them to keep them short and simple.

    1. Taking Things That Don’t Belong To You

    Everything from taking highlighters from the storage room, to sending personal mail through the mailroom, to downloading unauthorized games to play on your work computer fall into this category. A CFO of a major corporation took a cab from the airport to his home in the city. When he asked the cabbie for receipt, he was handed a full book of blank receipts. Apparently this dilemma of accurately reporting business expenses involves more than just one employee.

    2. Saying Things That You Know Are Not True

    When a car salesperson insists to a customer that a used car has not been in a previous accident, when it has, an ethical breach has occurred. When a clerk in a store assures a customer that a product has a money-back guarantee, when only trade-ins are allowed, another ethical violation occurred (and perhaps a violation of the law).

    3. Giving Or Allowing False Impressions

    There is an urban legend in which 2 CD’s were being sold on a TV infomercial that claimed that that all the hits of the 1980’s were on the CDs. The infomercial emphasized over and over again that all songs were performed by the original artists. When they received the CDs, upon closer inspection, they found that all songs had been covered by a band called The Original Artists. While technically true, the impression given by the infomercial was false.

    4. Buying Influence or Engaging in Conflict of Interest

    When a company awards a construction contract to an organization owned by the brother of the attorney general, or when a county committee who is charged with choosing a new road construction company is traveling around the state looking at roads at the expense of one of the bidders, a conflict of interest arises which might affect the results of that choice.

    5. Hiding or Divulging Information

    Failing to divulge information from the results of a study on the safety of a new product, or choosing to take your companies proprietary product information to a new job are examples that fall into this category.

    6. Taking Unfair Advantage

    Have you ever wondered why there seem to be so many product safety rules and procedures? It is primarily the result of laws passed by government institutions to protect the consumer from companies that previously took unfair advantage of them because of their lack of knowledge or through complex contractual obligations.

    7. Committing Acts of Personal Decadence

    Over time, it has become increasing clear that the acts of employees outside of work can have a negative effect on a businesses image. This is one of the primary reasons companies are minimizing social interactions or events, outside of the office, so that drug or alcohol related events can not be tracked back to the company.

    8. Perpetuating Interpersonal Abuse

    At the heart of this category of ethical misbehavior is the abuse of employees through sexual harassment, verbal lashing, or public humiliation by a company leader.

    9. Permitting Organizational Abuse

    When an organization chooses to operate in another country, it sometimes butts up against social culture in which child labor, demeaning work environments or excessive hours are required. It is at this point that the leaders of the company have a choice…whether to perpetuate that abuse or alleviate it.

    10. Violating Rules

    In some cases, people or organizations violate rules to expedite a process or decision. In many of these cases, the results would have been the same regardless, but by violating the rules or required procedures for that outcome, they can potentially scar the reputation of the organization they work for.

    11. Condoning Unethical Actions

    Suppose you are at work one day and you notice that a colleague of yours is using petty cash for personal purchases and fail to report it. Perhaps you know that a new product in development has safety issues, but you don’t speak out. In these examples, failing to do right creates a wrong.

    12. Balancing Ethical Dilemmas

    What about a situation that would be considered neither right, nor wrong? What should be done here? Should Google or Microsoft do business in China when human rights violations are committed daily? Sometimes an organization must balance the need to do business with any ethical dilemmas that might arise from doing business.

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    Source by John Bascom

    Views: 0

  • Energy Healing And Body Talk

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    These days there are so many healing techniques available to us, like

    Quantum Touch

    Massotherapy

    Touch for Health

    Zero Balancing

    Healing Touch

    Chiropractic

    Chakra Balancing

    Ki Gong

    the list goes on and on. It’s exciting to know that more and more people around the world are accepting the healing value of alternative and complementary modalities.

    When we take a class in any one of these invaluable techniques, the focus of course is on learning the technique…

    –how to protect ourselves from picking up clients’ “stuff”

    –how to channel or run energy through our bodies out to our hands

    –how to approach and treat certain kinds of issues

    –the body mechanics we use, etc.

    What I see missing from the classes is how to assess the body healing type of the individual we are working with. What do I mean by that?

    Over the years, doing energy healing from the 1980s to the present time, I started to realize that with each person, I was addressing the energy flow to their bodies in a different way. Yes, there is the technique to follow, but after a while the practice becomes almost second nature. I found that as I was “listening” to the bodies, I was “talking” to them differently. And I haven’t found that kind of body talk mentioned anywhere in the energy healing field.

    Of course, I think that each energy healing therapist has a particular way that their inner dialog with the client feels most comfortable or most natural. But what I found was that, when I shifted my own inner preference for how I channeled or ran energy to match my client’s healing type, their recovery occurred in shorter lengths of treatment time.

    So here’s what was shown to me in the course of my years in energy healing: There are three basic types of healing preference that each body has: physical, mental, and spiritual. That seems to line up nicely with the complementary approach to body-mind-spirit healing, which is about the triune nature of being human. But what I’m referring to is the dominant energy healing preference each body is wired for. Each person’s body responds most effectively to the type of energy transfer that matches his or her own energy healing type.

    So sometimes I found I would be silently talking to the body and explaining what it was going through and encouraging it to heal itself. “Yes, you had a bad fall. You know your knee is injured, and you know how to fix it. You know how to do this.” This silent body talk flowed into their bodies along with the energy. This was obviously for a mental body healing type.

    Other times I found myself praying. Sometimes it was a standard prayer, sometimes it was a free-flowing appeal to the person’s guides or angels or Christ Spirit or Mary or an archangel or the Universal Healing Forces. Whatever came to mind to say, this prayer-type energy flowed into the spiritual body healing type.

    And of course, there’s the physical body type. This was a bit of a challenge for me, since most of the energy healing I do is in the bio-field around the body and there’s little or no physical contact. But the physical body healing type needs to feel it for it to respond more readily with its own inner healing mechanisms.

    So I’d touch the area in need, sometimes deeply, while my inner body talk with that person was more along the lines of a cheerleader, “Here it is. Go. Fix this. You can do it.” Or sometimes there wasn’t that much dialog, just a lot of purposeful contact while I ran energy.

    By the 1990s, I figured it would be easier for me to know ahead of time which client was which body healing type before the session started so that I could start the body talk right away. Since I’d been learning how to do dowsing, I asked my pendulum what the type was. You can probably also use finger-muscle testing, if you’re familiar with that. It’s a simple yes-no process of elimination as you ask which healing type your client is.

    There were some surprises that I learned along the way, too. People who I thought for sure would be one type turned out to be another, even though their personalities clearly indicated something else. Like my Dad. Here was a guy who was totally immersed in 3-D. If he couldn’t see it, it didn’t exist. A very physical guy. When he got older and started having health problems (and let me work on them, which wasn’t all the time), I dowsed and – lo and behold – his healing body type was a spiritual!!!

    Then there’s my Mom, who I thought for sure would be a spiritual type, but the dowsing told me she was a physical! She believed in the old-country ways of laying on of hands, had a strong church connection, which Dad didn’t have, and was even known to have healing hands when she was younger (which was great for us as kids). But her body responded more effectively to the physical body touch-approach.

    It reminded me of something I came across in the Edgar Cayce holistic health readings. He talked about the “body mind” as though it was something different or separate from the conscious mind. And now I understood that. The body does have a mind of its own. And when we address that clearly, it responds more readily to whatever healing energy we deliver.

    Another surprise was that some people turn out to have dual types. This is more rare, but when you find it, it gives you more variety in how you frame your inner dialog with the body.

    Finally, one night in the late 1990s as I was meditating, it was revealed to me that what my guidance had shown me described the way our Master Teacher, Jesus the Christ, healed people. For many of us, Christ’s healings in the New Testament were our first exposure to energy healing, even though we probably thought of it as magical or superhuman, not something we could all do (even though He said we could). Maybe even some of the priests and pastors of our formal churches did the “laying on of hands.” But think about this:

    When Jesus healed the blind man, he put mud on the man’s eyes and rubbed it in. Then the man could see. This was an example of the physical body healing type. The man needed to feel something happening to his eyes.

    When He told the cripple that his sins were forgiven, or to rise up and walk, He was addressing a mental body healing type. The man simply got up and walked away. There was no contact at all with him.

    Finally, when a woman touched the hem of His garment and He asked her why she did that, she replied that that’s what she knew she needed to do to be healed. Definitely spiritual or faith healing.

    There also is one other example of a type of healing Jesus did and that was when the Roman soldier asked Him to heal his good servant who was not present at the time. This was a beautiful and dramatic example of both distance healing for the servant and faith healing on the part of the soldier.

    During the course of working with many clients over the years, my own guidance has revealed techniques and understandings that were invaluable in helping my people regain function and health sooner and more easily. You can use this information for yourself as well during those times you need to amplify more healing resource into your own body. I hope you find this information applicable in your own interactions with people in need.

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    Source by Cheryl Salerno

    Views: 0

  • My Husband Wanted The Separation, But Now He’s Constantly Trying To Keep Tabs On Me

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    I sometimes hear from wives who are very confused about their husband’s conflicting behavior during a martial separation. Often, he is the one who initiated the separation and it seems as if he almost can’t wait to leave. But as soon as the couple are living apart, suddenly the husband wants to keep tabs on the wife or seems particularly interested in her day to day activities.

    I heard from a wife who said: “my husband has been wanting to separate for a while. I tried my best to talk him out of it, but after listening to him insist upon it for months, I finally gave in and agreed to go and live with my sister for a little while. Since he was so anxious to get rid of me, I really didn’t expect to hear from him, although I knew that I would miss him terribly. I’ve been gone only two days, but now he is constantly calling me and wanting to know what I’m doing. I will answer the phone and the first thing he says to me is ‘what are you doing’ in an almost accusatory way. The truth is, I’m not doing anything and I tell him so. Why does he even ask? He couldn’t get rid of me quickly enough and now it’s like he wants to keep checking on me. What is going on?” I’ll try to answer these questions in the following article.

    He May Just Be Missing You: Men often envision having all kinds of peace and quiet so that they can think. But, sometimes this just isn’t the reality. Sometimes all that silence brings about is loneliness. And then he can start to wonder if this was such a good idea after all. And he looks around and notices that everything around him reminds him of you. Now, it might make things easier if he would just tell you all of this, but many men will not. Instead, they’ll call you and do annoying things like asking what, or how, you are doing.

    He Might Be Feeling Insecure: It’s very common for separated spouses to admit that they at least partly suspect that their spouse might eventually see other people during the separation. Your spouse might be acting on this suspicion or just looking for reassurance, which leads me to my next point.

    He’s Trying To Determine Your Frame Of Mind: It’s common for the spouse who initiated the separation to have a strong suspicions that you are going to be resentful and angry. Therefore, he might want to keep in close touch to gauge your feelings. He may want to see if your resentment is going to drive you away. And he may be feeling some remorse for his actions.

    Taking Some Positive Implications From These Annoying Questions: I know that this is probably very frustrating. But there is some positive indications here. If he didn’t care at all, he wouldn’t be calling. If he wasn’t thinking about you at all and was living it up and celebrating his freedom, he wouldn’t be calling either. And since this wife didn’t want the separation in the first place and wanted to save her marriage, this was hopefully good news to her.

    How To Respond When He Keeps Calling And Asking What You’re Doing: First, you have to decide what you really want to happen. And ultimately, this wife wanted her husband to come home. I know that it’s tempting to say something like ‘well what do you think I’m doing? I’m sitting here staring at my sister and living in a strange place because you made me leave my own home for your silly separation,’ but this is a bad idea. Because you don’t want to discourage him from reaching out to you. Instead, you want to make him want to check in and initiate contact with you. So, as difficult as it may be, try to sound as upbeat as possible. Trying to make him feel guilty is the wrong call too, because it brings about pain and makes him want to avoid you. With that said, you don’t want to make it sound as if you are sitting by the phone waiting for his call. You want for him to know that you have too much self respect for that.

    An appropriate response might be something like: “not much. I’m just spending some time with my sister. We’ll probably go out and grab some dinner in a little while. What are you doing?”

    Notice I was light hearted and I turned the question back to him. And I alluded to the fact that no one was sitting around waiting. By asking what he was doing, you’re leaving it open ended for him to share his feelings. He might say that he’s not doing anything because he’s lonely. Or he might say that what he’s really doing is missing you. The point is to not engage with him and don’t ask him why he keeps calling you with his silly questions. Try to stay positive because this really is a good sign. It means he is interested and that he is reaching out. And not all separated spouses fall into this category. Some husbands rarely call their wives at all, let alone care about their experiences or feelings.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0

  • Healing Flowers to Grow in Your Garden

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    Can you imagine yourself swinging outside your lawn smelling the sweet scent of the blossoms that are vividly blooming? Isn’t calming? Simply seeing and getting a whiff of flowers will give you calmness– a spiritual healing.

    Across history and cultures, we have witnessed how flowers are used for medicinal design. You know what’s the best thing? These gifts from Mother Nature can easily be grown in your garden. Indulge in the wonderful activity of gardening with these invigorating blossoms.

    Calendula

    These flowers come mostly in yellow and orange. Ironically, the fire-colored blooms help in healing. Cream created from brightly colored calendulas is perfect for treating skin burns and wounds. A plus to this flower is that it is also edible. It will give your salad a kick with its spicy and zesty flavors.

    When growing calendulas, they prefer a cooler atmosphere. You can care for them indoors. But, always remember that any plant requires the sun for nourishment. It is advised that you place them where they get enough sun and shade.

    Dandelion

    From its roots to its leaves, dandelions are used to cure various ailments. A round of applause to Mother Nature for creating such wonderful plant. Ancient people use the leaves for curing illnesses. These are perfect for problems with kidneys, gallbladders, and skin among many other ailments. Herbal healers use the roots for detoxification. Surprisingly, it can cure your hangovers. You should probably stack-up on these roots or better yet grow it in your backyard.

    The dandelions are very adaptive to its environment. It can grow in almost anywhere! These vigorous flowers can also thrive in the summer and winter. You should prepare a well-fertilized and drained soil to grow healthy flowers that could last.

    Lotus

    You guessed it right. The lotus came from China (as it is known) and some parts of Asia. It has been a used as a traditional healing plant. Say goodbye to diarrhea, high blood sugar, and cholesterol. Like dandelions, the lotus’ roots promotes healing. It is used to cure upset tummies.

    Despite growing in the mud, the lotus flower is tantalizing and even aromatic. The roots are deep into the mud while the leaves and flowers are above water. Growing lotus is an exciting change of gardening technique that will challenge your green thumbs.

    Peonies

    A bouquet of flowers made from peonies is a wonderful gift. But, a cup of peony tea is the bomb! The roots may help with menstrual cramps and muscle pains. These flowers are not only pretty but, they are truly relaxing as it relieves you from bodily pains. Peonies are beauty and value grown in magnificent blooms.

    You can grow peonies in your garden during the spring or fall season. These blooms require colder weather to grow healthy. They can be nourished in the garden or in pots. Be sure to water them regularly.

    Allow yourself the relaxation that you need in this mad world we live in. Go and have fun growing them!

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    Source by Lexxa Molijon

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