Tag: Eye

  • Customer Service Tips – How to Handle Irate Customers

    [ad_1]

    Are you ready to learn how to keep every guest happy? It starts with making sure that your managers are thoroughly trained in every position within your restaurant. They need to know all the jobs, so they can step in if someone calls off sick, or if sales are higher than expected.

    The manager needs to be highly trained in excellent customer service. This type of service is called “wow” service because your customers will say “Wow!” about their experience at your restaurant.

    One way to easily accomplish that “wow” experience is simply by telling your managers that every time they are in direct contact with any guest, that they are smiling, being friendly and attentive to the guests. If a famous person was coming to your restaurant, how would you treat that person? Every guest should be receive that same VIP treatment.

    In case of a dissatisfied, angry, or irate customers, we recommend applying the GLAD technique. This will dramatically decrease customer related matters, and lead to customer recovery.

    What is the GLAD Technique?

    1. Go to the guest
    2. Listen carefully to the guest
    3. Apologize to the guest
    4. Do what it takes to solve the problem

    When approaching the upset customer, always shows genuine concern. It is important to listen to the guest without cutting them off. Make sure that you take the time to fully understand their concerns. Remain calm. Responding to anger in a calm manner may help reduce the person’s anxiety. Don’t be fake, be real.

    Always apologize to the guest, even if the customer is wrong. Even when you are certain the person is wrong, go with the mindset that the person is right. Never offer excuses as to why the problem occurred, but offer solutions instead.

    Solutions will vary depending on the complaint and the circumstances. Offer a solution and ask if this will meet the customer’s needs. Go above and beyond. Remember, one angry customer leads to other lost customers. Keep in mind that for each customer you lose, you will lose 11 customers within the next few weeks. That number will compound because those 11 people will also repeat what they heard from the first customer. Ultimately you could be losing hundreds of customers because of one dissatisfied customer. If the matter is serious, you could even lose your restaurant’s reputation, and the restaurant could end up being shut down.

    Every customer that leaves your restaurant tells family, friends and co-workers about the experience at your restaurant. If the experience was mediocre they won’t say anything, but if it was very good experience at your restaurant they will tell others. If it was a negative experience and they walked out dissatisfied, then the reputation of your restaurant will be impacted. Negative feedback from your customers could mean the end of your business. Don’t underestimate the power of the word-of-mouth effect. Word-of-mouth will work with you or against you depending on the guest’s experience.

    Do you really want to lose business because of customer complaints? Teaching effective customer service techniques to your managers and staff should be at the top of your to-do list.

    Teach your managers to be proactive in preventing customer related matters. Manager presence in the dining room is a wonderful path to reduce customer complaints. The manager should spend at least 80% of his/her time in the dining room, and only 10% in the manager’s office.

    The manager also needs to physically approach each customer’s table to ensure that WOW guest service is in effect. The manager also needs to learn how to detect negative body language and how to express positive body language.

    How do customers show their dissatisfaction with their body language?

    • When you are in direct eye-to-eye contact, you can witness the anger in the customer’s eyes.
    • Seeing untouched food, especially when everybody at the table ate their food, except the one customer who barely touched his or her food.
    • The manager asks the customer, “So how was your meal and service tonight?” The customer replies, “It’s okay”. If the customer was fully satisfied with both the service and the meal they may say it was “terrific” or “great,” not just “okay.”
    • When you look at a guest and you get an uncomfortable “gut” feeling, act on that feeling.
    • You see a customer looking around as though they want someone to help them. You may even see them glaring at a server speaking with other customers.

    What is your body language saying?

    • Always use direct eye contact when talking to your guests. Never look away while you are talking to your guest. Looking away gives the impression that you are not interested in what the other person has to say.
    • Never cross your arms when talking to guests, this could be interpreted as shutting them out or anger.
    • Never roll your eyes, as this is very disrespectful and it appears that you are belittling their concerns.
    • Constantly listen to the guest even if they are angry. It may help to allow the person to vent their anger. Always acknowledge their feelings.
    • Ask the customer what would improve the visit to your restaurant.

    What do you do with Moody Customers?

    This is your opportunity to turn around the customer’s mood from a bad to good. Make certain that you are on top of things and pay attention to details. If you have any concerns about their experience, you may even offer the table a free appetizer or dessert. It may seem like you are losing money by “giving away” food or “discounting” their meals; however, you will lose more money from each lost customer than you will for that one food item or meal. If you successfully turn things around, then you may create repeat business. Kindness and consideration of their needs will often overcome their anger.

    A wise person said, “How you handle positive feedback is important, but it is more important to know how to handle negative feedback.” Make sure you tell the customers that you appreciate the fact that they took the time to tell you about their experience. Don’t make excuses, instead find solutions. Don’t disagree with the customer, even if you know the guest is wrong.

    If you don’t learn from your mistakes, you are doomed to repeat them again and again.

    [ad_2]

    Source by Donna Schim

    Views: 0

  • How to Lose 50 Pounds in 11 Weeks – 5 Things You Must Do

    [ad_1]

    Trying to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks can seem like a formidable task, but I assure you it can be done.

    I’m assuming you’re not interested in using weight loss pills, appetite suppressants, surgery or any of that other junk to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks, which is good…’cos I hate those things. Don’t get me wrong, they have their place in certain situations, but in most cases, are an unnecessarily extreme measure.

    When you consider that a gastric bypass operation can cost anywhere between $25,000 to $35,000 US dollars, you have to question whether the advice given to some folks to go through with it is in their best interests or that of the surgeon and his pocket.

    Trying to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks may be a tough challenge but there are a few things you can do to make your life easier.

    Here are 5 top tips you should follow when trying to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks.

    1) Believe in yourself / set goals

    The first and most important thing is getting in the right frame of mind. This may sound strange since you already know you want to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks…so what do I mean?

    Well, don’t worry, I’m not gonna go all Tony Robbins on you and get you jumping up and down in a euphoric state (although there is some truth to that). Rather, I’m saying that you need a clear picture of where you want to be, and focus on it. You need to feel like you’ve already managed to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks…think about it…how does it really feel. Are your work colleagues inspired and envious of your new body and transformation? Do you have the confidence that you were lacking to ask out that hot guy or gal you’ve had your eye on for like forever?

    Only by picturing it in your mind will you be able to set goals for your success and believe that you can and will lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks. The goals will be the checkpoints on your journey, the self-belief will be the fuel that keeps you going.

    2) Find a good trainer and surround yourself with good like-minded people

    This is an essential and often overlooked part of trying to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks. A lot of people don’t realise that who they surround themselves with plays a huge part in their self-belief, attitude, and overall motivation and determination. It has been said that a person is the average of the 5 or 10 people they hang around with the most, and this regards health, wealth, ambition, aspiration, relationships, family etc. This is not a hard and fast rule, but I feel there is some truth to it.

    Trying to lose a lot of weight quickly will be demanding and therefore you want to surround yourself with positive folks who are rooting for you, and not people who are waiting for you to fail, so they can say “I told you so!”

    Now, I’m not saying you should just give up and avoid your family and friends, but rather to seek out folks who have similar goals, and understand your situation. Finding people who have been where you are now and achieved your goals can give you a real push to do the same. Why do you think things like Weight Watchers clubs are so successful? It’s because they bring all these people together and they help each other out.

    Where can you find these people? There are loads of forums online where you can find people who are trying to lose weight. Just going to Google or Yahoo and typing something like “weight loss + forum” (without the quotes) will yield all sorts of great things. There are also loads of weight loss and fitness programs online that you can follow to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks.

    The same applies to your trainer, coach, or workout program that you choose to follow. Are they supportive yet ambitious, pushing you on when things get tough? If not, find one that is.

    3) Eat a healthy diet

    Obviously, diet and nutrition is fundamentally important when trying to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks. Taking on too many calories will mean you always put on weight, period. Therefore, you will need to create a caloric deficit, by taking on fewer calories than you burn, forcing your body to burn up the fat deposits and use it as energy.

    Finding the right diet is important, and many folks go about it the wrong way. Starving yourself is a big no-no. You may lose a few pounds in the first few days, but it won’t last, as your body will transition into starvation mode and slow down your metabolism to burn less fat (it’s your in-built survival mechanism), making it even harder to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks.

    So what can you do? Eat more! Yes, by eating smaller meals more regularly you will maintain your metabolism at a higher rate, and this, combined with exercise, will help you lose the pounds faster.

    Green fibrous vegetables like broccoli, green beans, asparagus and lettuce are great healthy foods that can actually help you to burn fat, and it’s almost impossible to overeat on them. Eating more of them in the later part of the day along with a good lean protein like chicken breast is one of the best methods of getting lean as quickly as possible, and losing 50 pounds in 11 weeks.

    4) Follow a good exercise plan

    Without exercise, even the best diet plan in the world will struggle to help you lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks. You need to exercise in order to get the full benefit of the caloric deficit we mentioned earlier. It will create the furnace where you burn off those unwanted pounds.

    Regular exercise also aids the mind, confidence and overall health. By tightening up, toning and growing your muscle, you also help your body to burn fat faster. Did you know that muscle can actually help you burn fat? So the more muscle you have the more fat you can burn, because your metabolism will work faster with more muscle.

    Find a good training and exercise plan, with a good variety of cardiovascular work for your overall fitness, endurance and toning exercises like pushups and sit-ups, and some light weight training.

    5) Stick to it!

    This is the most important and often the hardest thing when trying to lose 50 pounds in 11 weeks. The best diet, exercise routine, trainer, and goals, mean nothing without the small action of going and actually doing it. Things may get tough over the next 11 weeks, but sticking to it and following through will show results, and you’ll be amazed at what you achieve. Once you see a little success you’ll be hungry for more and then it’ll be so hard to stop the momentum you build up, that 50 pounds in 11 weeks will seem like a piece of cake!

    [ad_2]

    Source by John Wheeler

    Views: 0

  • Lifestyle Diseases

    [ad_1]

    There have been increasing reports of several lifestyle diseases affecting the people from several countries of the world. One of the main reasons for this is lack of time to think about good health. Some of the other reasons include, lack of awareness, bodily disorders, excessive work related stress, etc. The rural uneducated people do not follow the basic principles of nutrition. Most of them are also poor.

    Hyper tension and excessive blood sugar levels are the most important risks affecting the lives of many people. Besides several other contributing factors, excessive salt in the body seems to be facilitating increase in the levels of blood pressure. Kidney is the vital organ which does control blood pressure levels. According to the medical researchers, the readings above 140/90 are known as the hyper tension. lesser salt intake, relaxation, drinking green tea, consuming two or three garlic cloves in the morning, etc are some of the natural remedies Balanced diet or nutritious food and brisk walking are also helpful. Avoiding the risky decisions, planning the work perfectly, avoiding disappointment, inclusion of fun in one’s life, meditation, yoga, management of time effectively, healthy inter personal skills,etc would also aid in reducing unnecessary stress.

    Good sleep can reduce higher glucose levels. Our blood needs only certain minimum levels of glucose. The excessive amounts can cause several health problems. The excessive glucose in the blood would lead to its clotting. The body might lose its immunity. Consuming our food at regular intervals would go a long way in reducing the risk of high glucose levels. Natural herbs such as neem leaves, lady finger, garlic, onion, green tea, etc are of great help to maintain normal blood sugar levels.

    Obesity is one of the major factors in reducing the effectiveness of the people. It is also responsible for the onset of the above mentioned health hazards. Several factors do play a role in the increase in our body’s weight. Many people seem to be getting good awareness about the ill effects of excessive weight.

    Stroke, cardio vascular diseases, loss of eye sight, etc are some of the consequences of improper lifestyle. Medical scientists do suggest to include more vegetables in the diet. Stress seems to be basically the mind’s problem. Higher glucose levels too cause stress.

    Proper medication, nutritious diet, regular exercise, etc would go a long way in maintaining the normal levels of both glucose and salt.

    [ad_2]

    Source by Tirumala Prasad

    Views: 0

  • Hematoma Treatment – Traditional & Alternative Medicine

    [ad_1]

    In this article I’m going to talk about traditional hematoma treatment as well as alternative medicine.

    A hematoma takes places when blood builds outside a blood vessel and they can happen anywhere. It usually happens when there is an accident or trauma, such as falling off a ramp when skateboarding or getting hit by a post office truck.

    Other causes could be drugs, diseases, high blood pressure and cancer. You might be wondering, how do you know if you have a hematoma.

    Well the skin can change colors such as become darker, there could be pain, inflammation and swelling.

    Traditional treatment usually involves R.I.C.E. Have you heard of R.I.C.E. Before? It stands for rest which is when the body heals itself, so many times it might just be the best medicine. Elevation, ice and compression which all reduce the inflammation and improve the healing.

    If the injury is really red, there is pus coming out of it or if it’s in an eye, it’s best to see a doctor.

    Plus if you notice hematomas occurring without any injury it’s best to get it checked by a doctor because it could be serious.

    If you are wondering if there are better treatments or alternative medicines the good news is that there are tons.

    One of my favorite things is coconut oil, which has millions of uses. In a study at the U.S. National Library of Medicine they took rats and split them into groups. Some received coconut oil and some did not. Wounds treated with coconut oil healed much faster.

    Another idea is bromalean which can help a lot. In a study by the third medical university at China researchers took 16 pigs and shot them with high velocity rifles. They divided them into groups and the group that received bromalean healed much more.

    The way it works is it increases the flow of blood and oxygen to the wound and reduces inflammation. Plus it activates growth factors, which are needed for healing.

    If that wasn’t enough it helps with burns. In Bursheba Israel they took pigs, burned a few and bromalean really improved the healing. It’s seems like they have something against pigs right? They are shooting them and burning them, poor pigs.

    If you really want to heal a hematoma or a skin injury believe it or not they even have a stem cell gun. It takes an hour and a half to isolate the cells and spray the skin. Then it only takes a few days for the treatment to work and the skin is brand new again.

    [ad_2]

    Source by Kevin Whitsitt

    Views: 0

  • Advantages of Group Dating

    [ad_1]

    Group dating is very popular in Japan and it is also known as ‘compa’ and ‘gokon’. Group dating is slowly becoming very famous in other countries also because through group dating people can easily find a suitable partner. The concept of dating in a group is very unique and different. In this system a girl and a guy who know each other from before plan a date in which each of them get 4 to 5 eligible friends. This date can be held in discos, bars, restaurants and hotels.

    So now let us discuss the most advantages of a dating in a group. These advantages will help you to understand this type dating in a better way.

    1. Socialize in group in a much better way
    As a group dating system involves trustworthy peers people can socialize in a much better way with each other. Group dating helps a person to learn from one another’s experiences. This type of dating involves a group of trusted teens who go out together in a group rather than in couples. Every parent want their kids to be in good company and influence, this type of dating helps them in this matter.

    2. Group dating helps in observing the opposite sex
    Teenagers are often interested in the opposite sex, but they are too scared of rejection. But in this type date setting, teenagers of genders can get to know each other very well. In this setting, every person can keep an eye on his or her friend, this helps in creating a better bond between friends and siblings.

    3. Can get acquainted with each other very easily
    This type of dating is most appropriate for those people who like some one but are not able to express their feelings. By becoming a part of this system they can get to know more about the person they like or love. Through group dating they get confidence and can face rejection more easily and boldly.

    4. No risk of temptation
    Having fun and getting to know each other are two main features of a group date. Kids involved in this type of dating are much better behaved because they want to impress each other. They avoid doing things that can harm their friends. Temptation is reduced to the bare minimum because kids are in the company of trustworthy friends.

    5. No pressure of impressing any one
    The main advantage of this type dating is that even if you do not manage to find a partner, you can still enjoy the outing or party with your friends. In a group dating even if you do not find a compatible partner you can still have a pleasant time, because you do not need to impress a particular person.

    These are the most important advantages of this type of dating system.

    [ad_2]

    Source by Jessica N King

    Views: 0

  • Book Review Of Millionaire Fastlane

    [ad_1]

    Book Review of Millionaire Fastlane by M.J. Demarco

    This book is one of the best books on Entrepreneurship in which the author lays out five commandments to be on the Millionaire Fastlane. According to the author, until and unless the business complies with the five commandments, they are not destined to be successful. These commandments are:

    Commandment of Need, Entry, Control, Scale and Time (NECST).

    Commandment of Need:

    Millionaires affect lives of millions of people by adding some values to their lives and hence are millionaires. If the marketplace does not care about your product or service then it is not going to add value to the marketplace and it is a failed venture before it takes off. So, every business should first figure out if there is a need for the service or product your business is going to deliver or not.

    So, we have seen test products being sold for free to test the water. All they are doing is trying to figure out if there is any demand or not.

    People often start business with wrong reasons. They are good at something and very skilled and open a business about it. But if the marketplace does not care about it, it’s going to be a failure because marketplace is a selfish place. It does not care what you want, what you have, how good you are. All it cares about it is what is it for them. If it adds some value to their lives then they will buy it otherwise not. So, it’s a big eye opener for me and could be for so many budding entrepreneurs.

    Commandment of Entry:

    This is the second commandment to successful business. If the barrier to entry is very easy it means millions will be doing the same thing and you will not have the ability to scale your business but rather will have to decrease the price and compete those millions. Usually war of price harms all the parties. For example if creating a website and writing a blog and generate income is your business then there is not enough barrier to entry unless you try to add something extra value to the marketplace which not anyone else has added yet. An example which the author gives few times is when he thought about starting Limo business. He found it failed both the first and second commandments. There was no need for one more limo business and barrier was very low to enter into this business.

    Commandment of Control:

    If you have no control over your business and you have given entire authority to another party, you are doomed to failure.

    Many entrepreneurs start a company and then hire a CEO or CFO to completely take control of operation or finance. They know nothing about what is going on and that is the recipe to failure. Especially when entrepreneurs do not have any basic financial knowledge like what is loan mortgage, how to calculate simple interest but hire an expert to help them make decisions. Since they themselves cannot take a second look at the decisions made by their advisers, chances are that they might screw up and entrepreneur will have to bear the loss.

    One of the examples given in the book about the benefit of controlling the business is given as the following. If you are a doctor working at a private-care facility it’s natural to think that you are on the fastlane because your magnitude (price/unit) is large and that will increase the net profit and hence wealth. But, the control of the private care facility is not held by the doctors but by the owner. So, it’s him who is on the fastlane not the doctor who depends on his intrinsic value to increase the wealth.

    Commandment of Scale:

    The author gives an example of a burger stall outside a supermarket. No matter how much the owner tries, he cannot scale his business and reach out to customers outside of the supermarket. So, this business violates the commandment of scale. But an e-store that sells some product in the internet has unlimited number of customers and hence has the capacity to scale his business to unlimited level. However, if the entrepreneur can create franchise of any burger store then he has the ability to scale and will be on the fastlane.

    The author gives an example of a quote by the billionaire Mark Cuban who said it only one business to be successful. So, it’s important that we undertake projects which can be scaled up. In baseball terms, take swing for home runs not singles. If you do decide to play singles, you have to replicate the effort many more times.

    The Fastlane wealth equation is:

    Wealth = Net Profit + Asset Value

    Net Profit = Units sold * Unit Profit

    The leverage is created by the units sold. If you are selling burgers on the supermarket lot, you are limiting the leverage and hence you are on the speed limit of 15 mph road. Also, you cannot increase the price of the burger so the unit profit cannot be controlled as well.

    So, either you have to be able to reach millions of people to increase the Units Sold quantity or sell at very high price to extra wealthy clients to increase the unit profit values.

    Commandment of time:

    Time is the scarcest resource we have. Most people spend money frugally and time freely. That according to the author is exactly the wrong way to the road to wealth. Time is limited and money is abundant. Only difference between successful and unsuccessful people is the way they spend their time. The former value each moment of their life and spend it to increase their self-worth. The latter waste it on fulfilling their immediate desires like watching TV series, indulging in games etc. for long period of time etc.

    As per the author, fastlane is not an easy path but sure it should be a fast way to earn wealth.

    As a fastlaner, our goal should be to automate the travel. If you have a business which requires you to dedicate each moment of your life all the time and always have to trade time for money, it’s a job masked as a business. It’s a money tree that never grows.

    It’s normal to work more than 80 hours per week in the starting phase of a business but it’s not normal to work like that for the rest of the life which is a normal for most of the people working normal life. One of the famous quotes from the book which is often used outside as well is about how most of the people define as normal. Normal is to wake up at 6 am, fight traffic, work 8 hours or slave 8 hours Monday to Friday, save 10% and repeat for 50 years. Normal is to believe that stock market will make us rich and fastest car and bigger house will make us happy. The definition of normal is corrupted by the society and we are conditioned to believe that. In short, the author believes, normal is modern day slavery and that’s why only few have the courage and the intelligence to come out of normalcy and drive on a millionaire’s fastlane.

    [ad_2]

    Source by Manju Pradhanang

    Views: 0

  • Facial Tattoo Meanings

    [ad_1]

    Tattoos have always had symbolic meaning both to the the wearer and to the society they live in. As tattooing has exploded in popularity much of the original tattoo symbolism has fallen by the way side.While many tattoo designs have completely lost there original meanings, facial tattooing has remained taboo. This has allowed its symbolism to remain mostly intact.

    The tattooed tear drop under the eye dates back to at least the 1960’s and it symbolism varies depending on the placement on the face and if the tear drop is filled in or empty. An empty tear drop most often symbolizes that the wearer has lost a loved one and they are permanently crying, but the empty tear drop can also symbolize a longing for revenge. If this revenge is carried out in the form of murder the tear drop tattoo is then filled in.

    Also placed under the eye but with a less cryptic meaning is a dollar sign. The dollar sign symbolizes that money is all the wearer can see. The symbol began popping up around the early 1990’s and is most often seen on southern gang members, though the tattoo has crossed over and several entertainers now wear it.

    A little known use for a cross tattoo design is to place it directly between the eyebrows on the bridge of the nose. This symbol,which started in New Orleans, symbolizes the wearer has committed at least five murders. Only worn by seasoned killers this tattoo design has not made the cross over into mainstream tattooing.

    [ad_2]

    Source by Bobby Alexander

    Views: 0

  • Dousing the Flames of Marital Conflict

    [ad_1]

    Conflicts in marriage are endemic. Because this is a union of two distinct individuals each with his or her own likes, dislikes, prejudices and pet peeves, conflicts are built into the marriage packet. As the famous evangelist Billy Graham once said, “For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic. The unblemished ideal exists only in ‘happily-ever-after’ fairy tales. ‘Happily incompatible’ is a good adjustment.”

    No human relationship can exist in a permanent state of happiness, and conflicts need not be viewed as a sign of instability or impending rupture of marriage. Couples need to master the art of quarreling constructively and resolving all conflicts positively. A mature approach will increase understanding and trust, and strengthen their relationship. However this depends on their level of commitment to each other.

    Areas of conflict:

    o Finance: In this consumer-oriented society of today, money or the lack of it can lead to conflict. Spouses have different spending habits. Overspending or unnecessary spending by one partner can upset the family budget, leaving less money for essentials. Entertainment, alcohol, consumer goods can eat into one’s pocket. Similarly miserliness will also trigger conflict.

    o When the needs, wants and desires of one partner are not met, there is a tendency to be irritable or argumentative over trifles.

    o Domination: When one partner is excluded from the decisions that affect them both, friction is bound to arise. Similarly, procrastination by one partner on issues that need urgent decisions can be annoying.

    o In-laws: Too much interference or over dependence of in-laws can become a bone of contention. Unfair references and comparisons lead to quarrels.

    o Children: Different styles of parenting or lack of proper parenting skills can result in heated arguments.

    o Sex: Husbands and wives have exclusive conjugal rights over their partners. Depriving a spouse of normal sexual activity creates tension in the relationship.

    o Working wives: Some women with high tech jobs may not have quality time to spend with husband and children. Stress, fatigue or overwork can sap them of strength and put them in an irritable frame of mind.

    o Habits: Drinking, smoking, gambling or drug taking are frequent causes of conflict.

    o Social activities. Time consuming parties or games leave very little time to spend with each other.

    o Physical and emotional abuse.

    o Self-centeredness.

    o Secrecy: Keeping important secrets from each other is a breach of trust.

    o Infidelity.

    The mark of a good marriage is not the absence of conflict, but how each partner deals with the problem. Conflict is like an ember with the potential to spark into a flame, and if not doused in time, can blaze into a conflagration. The foremost thing to remember is that it is not a battle between enemies. It is just a disagreement between spouses who have promised to love and cherish each other till the end of their lives.

    “Many marriages would be better if both husband and wife realize that they are on the same side,” says Zig Ziglar.

    The aim must be to diffuse the situation by proper resolution, so that it does not crop up again and again.

    There are two options available.

    1.The Negative Approach which will generate hostility.

    2.The Positive Approach which will make the bonds of marriage stronger.

    Negative Approach:

    – One partner personalizes the problem and treats it as an attack. Women are more prone to this approach. They withdraw into themselves and wallow in self pity. Withdrawal may be physical, sexual or emotional. Breach of communication follows. This is a dangerous trend. A trivial problem festers in the mind until it assumes gigantic proportions.

    – Angry reactions like yelling, crying, abuse, sarcasm, insults or even violence are disastrous. The idea obviously is to hurt the other person while defending one’s self in the blame game.

    As Broderick said, “Couples who vent their anger and do nothing to get at its cause and cure are committing marital suicide.”

    Positive Approach:

    1. Couples should never communicate when angry. They should first think things over calmly by themselves and then discuss the issue. Privacy is important. Discussions should not take place in the presence of their children or relatives, but in a quiet place where there will be no interruptions. They must bear in mind at all times that they are allies and not adversaries. There must be eye contact throughout the discussion. Respect for each other’s feelings is important. So the tone of voice and body language must be appropriate. Listening carefully to the other’s point of view is showing respect. Questions and clarifications are in order. It is also a time to share one’s genuine hurts and frustrations. Generalizations like ‘You always find fault’ or ‘You never listen’ are not helpful.

    2. The core issue must be tackled. It is important to define and discuss only the problem that started the conflict. Is the problem repetitive? Is there a recurring pattern? If so, why has the problem not been resolved before? There should be no deviation into unrelated issues. Old problems must not be dredged up and recycled to score a point.

    3. Finance can be a contentious subject. Bad financial habits must be mended. Budgeting one’s income is important. If expenses go beyond the budgeted amount, there should be a discussion on how best to make good the deficit. Honest conversations about purchases, savings and overspending will help. It might require lowering one’s standard of living or finding other ways of income generation.

    4. Sex is an important aspect of marriage. Withholding sex by one partner as a means of punishing the other, is hurtful. Sex enhances intimacy and reconciliation.

    5. Spouses must take responsibility for their contribution to the problem. They should be willing to change their behaviour if necessary. Owning up faults and admitting their weaknesses will diffuse tension. Sometimes it may even be necessary to give into the partner’s wishes, even though not fully agreeable. It is important to focus on what is right and not on who is right. Compromise is by no means weakness. It reflects strength and helps resolve the problem permanently.

    6. Forgiveness is the most important salve that will heal the hurt of conflict. Couples should be generous in forgiving each other’s faults. It may not be easy, but it is always better to get it over with and move on.

    Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. Fault finding and negativity can destroy and tear apart relationships. ‘Let not the sun go down upon your wrath,’ advises Scripture. With proper communication, tolerance and commitment, most conflicts can be resolved.

    As Alexander Perry said, “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.”

    [ad_2]

    Source by Eva Bell

    Views: 0