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  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

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    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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    Source by Mandy Peterson

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  • Dousing the Flames of Marital Conflict

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    Conflicts in marriage are endemic. Because this is a union of two distinct individuals each with his or her own likes, dislikes, prejudices and pet peeves, conflicts are built into the marriage packet. As the famous evangelist Billy Graham once said, “For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic. The unblemished ideal exists only in ‘happily-ever-after’ fairy tales. ‘Happily incompatible’ is a good adjustment.”

    No human relationship can exist in a permanent state of happiness, and conflicts need not be viewed as a sign of instability or impending rupture of marriage. Couples need to master the art of quarreling constructively and resolving all conflicts positively. A mature approach will increase understanding and trust, and strengthen their relationship. However this depends on their level of commitment to each other.

    Areas of conflict:

    o Finance: In this consumer-oriented society of today, money or the lack of it can lead to conflict. Spouses have different spending habits. Overspending or unnecessary spending by one partner can upset the family budget, leaving less money for essentials. Entertainment, alcohol, consumer goods can eat into one’s pocket. Similarly miserliness will also trigger conflict.

    o When the needs, wants and desires of one partner are not met, there is a tendency to be irritable or argumentative over trifles.

    o Domination: When one partner is excluded from the decisions that affect them both, friction is bound to arise. Similarly, procrastination by one partner on issues that need urgent decisions can be annoying.

    o In-laws: Too much interference or over dependence of in-laws can become a bone of contention. Unfair references and comparisons lead to quarrels.

    o Children: Different styles of parenting or lack of proper parenting skills can result in heated arguments.

    o Sex: Husbands and wives have exclusive conjugal rights over their partners. Depriving a spouse of normal sexual activity creates tension in the relationship.

    o Working wives: Some women with high tech jobs may not have quality time to spend with husband and children. Stress, fatigue or overwork can sap them of strength and put them in an irritable frame of mind.

    o Habits: Drinking, smoking, gambling or drug taking are frequent causes of conflict.

    o Social activities. Time consuming parties or games leave very little time to spend with each other.

    o Physical and emotional abuse.

    o Self-centeredness.

    o Secrecy: Keeping important secrets from each other is a breach of trust.

    o Infidelity.

    The mark of a good marriage is not the absence of conflict, but how each partner deals with the problem. Conflict is like an ember with the potential to spark into a flame, and if not doused in time, can blaze into a conflagration. The foremost thing to remember is that it is not a battle between enemies. It is just a disagreement between spouses who have promised to love and cherish each other till the end of their lives.

    “Many marriages would be better if both husband and wife realize that they are on the same side,” says Zig Ziglar.

    The aim must be to diffuse the situation by proper resolution, so that it does not crop up again and again.

    There are two options available.

    1.The Negative Approach which will generate hostility.

    2.The Positive Approach which will make the bonds of marriage stronger.

    Negative Approach:

    – One partner personalizes the problem and treats it as an attack. Women are more prone to this approach. They withdraw into themselves and wallow in self pity. Withdrawal may be physical, sexual or emotional. Breach of communication follows. This is a dangerous trend. A trivial problem festers in the mind until it assumes gigantic proportions.

    – Angry reactions like yelling, crying, abuse, sarcasm, insults or even violence are disastrous. The idea obviously is to hurt the other person while defending one’s self in the blame game.

    As Broderick said, “Couples who vent their anger and do nothing to get at its cause and cure are committing marital suicide.”

    Positive Approach:

    1. Couples should never communicate when angry. They should first think things over calmly by themselves and then discuss the issue. Privacy is important. Discussions should not take place in the presence of their children or relatives, but in a quiet place where there will be no interruptions. They must bear in mind at all times that they are allies and not adversaries. There must be eye contact throughout the discussion. Respect for each other’s feelings is important. So the tone of voice and body language must be appropriate. Listening carefully to the other’s point of view is showing respect. Questions and clarifications are in order. It is also a time to share one’s genuine hurts and frustrations. Generalizations like ‘You always find fault’ or ‘You never listen’ are not helpful.

    2. The core issue must be tackled. It is important to define and discuss only the problem that started the conflict. Is the problem repetitive? Is there a recurring pattern? If so, why has the problem not been resolved before? There should be no deviation into unrelated issues. Old problems must not be dredged up and recycled to score a point.

    3. Finance can be a contentious subject. Bad financial habits must be mended. Budgeting one’s income is important. If expenses go beyond the budgeted amount, there should be a discussion on how best to make good the deficit. Honest conversations about purchases, savings and overspending will help. It might require lowering one’s standard of living or finding other ways of income generation.

    4. Sex is an important aspect of marriage. Withholding sex by one partner as a means of punishing the other, is hurtful. Sex enhances intimacy and reconciliation.

    5. Spouses must take responsibility for their contribution to the problem. They should be willing to change their behaviour if necessary. Owning up faults and admitting their weaknesses will diffuse tension. Sometimes it may even be necessary to give into the partner’s wishes, even though not fully agreeable. It is important to focus on what is right and not on who is right. Compromise is by no means weakness. It reflects strength and helps resolve the problem permanently.

    6. Forgiveness is the most important salve that will heal the hurt of conflict. Couples should be generous in forgiving each other’s faults. It may not be easy, but it is always better to get it over with and move on.

    Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. Fault finding and negativity can destroy and tear apart relationships. ‘Let not the sun go down upon your wrath,’ advises Scripture. With proper communication, tolerance and commitment, most conflicts can be resolved.

    As Alexander Perry said, “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.”

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    Source by Eva Bell

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  • Beginner’s Guide To Digital Marketing

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    This is a short and sweet guide to the various types of digital marketing that exist today. You can use any of these ideas in your marketing right now. If you don’t do one of these types of marketing, consider adding it to your strategy.

    Content Marketing

    In many ways, everything involved with digital marketing focuses on content marketing. This involves creating content that engages, informs, encourages and converts your audience into buying your products and or services.

    Search Engine Marketing

    This consists of using both paid and unpaid content marketing to get people to visit your website or landing pages. You can use search terms within the content, as well as create ads with search terms for paid marketing that focuses on search terms.

    Social Media Marketing

    This involves using your social media platforms to promote content to your audience by asking people to share, by sharing great content, and by promoting via ads the content you’re trying to share.

    Search Engine Optimization

    SEO involves using the information provided by the search engines to optimize every page on your website, on your social media platforms, and on email platforms, in such a way that the search engines find you and send your information to their audience.

    Email Marketing

    Really a part of content marketing, building an email list is a great way to market to your audience in a captive way. You get them on your list, then you can market to them more directly and personally the items you want them to buy and use.

    Affiliate Marketing

    This is a great way to get more backlinks to your online real estate. An affiliate will share your information to make sales and a commission from those sales. Create an amazing program with graphics and content, make it cut-and-paste easy for affiliates to promote you, and it will be successful.

    Relationship Marketing

    Today, building online communities is very important to help you build relationships with your audience in the digital age. The days of hiding behind your computer are over. You’ll need to have live events, webinars, and lots of discussions with your community to engage with them.

    Pay Per Click

    Most online businesses today need to pay for some marketing. The best type is PPC (pay per click). This means you only pay when someone clicks your information. That way, you have more of a chance to get them to your landing pages, content, and products. You can remarket to them once they come to your website too.

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    Source by Jon Allo

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  • The Making of a Multi-Million Dollar Insurance Salesperson

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    Every sales person or sales agent fantasizes about becoming a millionaire. This is how one individual became a Multi Million Dollar Insurance Salesperson.

    Over half the insurance agents recruited earn less than $50,000 before making a quick exist. So how do you make a million dollars, an then more? Especially when your career involves selling insurance? For me it was not by working 70 hours a week. No “get rich quick” insurance trade magazine article or ad inspired me. I don’t ever recall working with millionaire clients. In fact, in my case it would take a ton of policies to equal a million dollars premium collected, let alone commission earned. I never even received one of the over 90 insurance designations currently available.

    My case involved putting together a formula, that you could easily (with effort) mix to achieve similar or superior results. For me the ingredients were composed of four components.

    WILLPOWER I need to convince myself that I could achieve the insurance production goals I was setting. To begin, I purchased a collection of books on positive thinking. In them they emphasize phrases like “I Can” and “I Will”. I repeated these key word phrases over and over in my conscious mind, and saw some definite steady improvement in my sales achievements. Good but not good enough.

    Suddenly I was introduced to self-hypnosis and my insurance career instantly changed. This was not some occult form of hocus-pocus but sheer enrichment that builds and builds. It start with a client from England who was a professional hypnotist. I was intrigued, and he agreed to teach me how the subconscious mind automatically overrides the conscious mind. He then graciously taught how to easily hypnotize myself anytime I wanting. I programmed myself for success, and success followed.

    SALES SKILLS The so called selling skills insurance companies showed me, never really improved. I quickly saw that repetition of a bad habit is dangerous to your career. Now that my income was rising, I added another piece of dynamite to reaching sales goals faster. If I could double my closing ratio, it was simple to see my income doubling.

    I invested in the Dale Carnegie course for sales people. During this course I learned the steps that must be covered properly if you are going to expect a sale. What I did not expect was the announcement that passing the course required covering all the points in a two minute or less presentation. This is when I re-emerged a trait, I was not using enough.

    DETERMINATION I set myself a goal that surpassed just passing the course. Although there were around 25 people taking the course, I was determined. Not only was I going to pass, but my presentation would be voted the best of my fellow 2 dozen professional sales people. Needless to say, it took willpower, sales skill, and determination galore. Winning, gave me a feeling of floating sky high. After this I felt I could sell snow to an Eskimo.

    NO FEAR I have to admit, when I started selling insurance I was full of fears. It took the first 3 ingredients and one more step to prove to myself that I now had no fear. I had to do what few before me financially succeeding in trying. That was to make sales, by breaking the established rules, and doing what “experts” considered would only be done by fools. I would exchange my briefcase for a folder and yellow pad. My suit and tie would be reserved for funerals, and my dress code would be neat, yet informal. Now I was prepped for my no fear test.

    Without setting a single appointment, I opted to just knock on a prospects door, and do a simple presentation. I also programmed myself to act casual, using a “well, maybe you can’t afford it” approach if I had a closing objection. I knew most prospects have their conscious minds ready to be told they can certainly afford it. Using the opposite effect would alter their conscious thinking process.

    Starting on a Monday morning and working no evenings I wanted to test my abilities to the max. I started out well self-hypnotized and with about 50 prospect cards, some of them “leads”. Remember now, we are talking over 30 years ago. Without appointments I saw 25 prospects and made 30 straight sales of all sizes. Not a single strikeout. With over $20,000 premium and much of it in annual cash payments, I decided to stop with $12,000 in commissions. I had accomplished and achieved my goals in just four days. Yes, with a rounded effective formula you can put on the brakes.

    MY FIRST MILLION was then made very easily. For me, I proved I could become a millionaire, by breaking all the rules. My average policy size was not gigantic but my closing ratio was incredible. I did not wear a suit or tie or carry a briefcase. My cars were snazzy new Camaros and Mustangs, and I quit wasting time struggling to make appointments.

    There is one danger in programming yourself to achieve a certain goal. Since you are bound to achieve it, before applying self-hypnosis, ask yourself if it is good for your mind and body to do whatever it takes.

    To become a multi million dollar insurance salesman, do the opposite of most salespeople are doing. Develop your own prospecting methods, presentation sills, and closing tricks. It becomes much easier making an insurance sale when in your mind you have already done it, and have the acquired sales skills to back it up.

    I did it my way. You can too.

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    Source by Donald Yerke

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  • Benefits of a Virtual Top Doctor Consultant

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    Looking for the best doctor to suite your medical needs can be a problem, especially if you don’t have time and you need to research the doctor’s credentials. Whether you’re in urgent need of help, or just need a second opinion, I will show you how to access all the information you need – through the Internet’s Virtual Top Doctor Consultant.

    Information on Doctors’ Credentials

    Many organizations house comprehensive credentials, such as licensure, status and so forth. These organizations include:

    • American Board of Medical Specialists
    • American Medical Association
    • Federation of State Medical Boards
    • Your local State Medical Board
    • Public Citizen Questionable Doctors
    • Medical Societies

    Then you have other establishments which gather up this information in their own logistical format and provide this information to consumers. Most companies provide information about doctors who have had disciplinary action taken against them. And most consumers want to know whether their doctor has had disciplinary action taken against them. At the same time, most doctors – even the best ones – are sued at one point or other during their careers. It’s important to recognize that just because a doctor has been sued (or not) does not mean he/she is incompetent, and that very often he or she is innocent of the alleged malpractice.

    What is a Virtual Top Doctor Consultant

    As you probably know by now, there are literally hundreds of different types of consultants.

    We all want the best health care possible, so why don’t we shop around for a doctor like we do for a house or car? Over the past few years, through our own surveys and methodologies, MDNationwide has designed the first top doctor searchable database, which enables YOU to find the best doctor(s) in America without ever talking to anyone.

    Virtual Top Doctor Consultant researches thousands of MDs through an extensive process, which reviews:

    • How many years the doctor has been in service (over five years).
    • Whether the doctor is board-certified.
    • Whether disciplinary action has been taken.
    • The extent of the doctors’ Internship, Residency, and Fellowship training
    • Peer and patient recognition
    • Their community involvement
    • Experience with type of surgical procedure
    • Contacting medical societies
    • Contacting hospitals

    Because YOU come first

    • For peace of mind YOU know these MDs rank amongst the highest in the US
    • We focus only on helping YOU find the best doctors through our extensive research
    • YOUR Health is in good hands virtual top doctor consultant
    • YOU have a team of professional consultants who care about YOU, not just your money.
    • No, we are not doctors, we are experts in researching and recognizing the BEST MDs.
    • Doctors don’t pay us, Health Insurance companies don’t pay us.
    • We work for YOU; without YOU ours services would not exist.

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    Source by Hugo Gallegos

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  • Energy Healing And Body Talk

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    These days there are so many healing techniques available to us, like

    Quantum Touch

    Massotherapy

    Touch for Health

    Zero Balancing

    Healing Touch

    Chiropractic

    Chakra Balancing

    Ki Gong

    the list goes on and on. It’s exciting to know that more and more people around the world are accepting the healing value of alternative and complementary modalities.

    When we take a class in any one of these invaluable techniques, the focus of course is on learning the technique…

    –how to protect ourselves from picking up clients’ “stuff”

    –how to channel or run energy through our bodies out to our hands

    –how to approach and treat certain kinds of issues

    –the body mechanics we use, etc.

    What I see missing from the classes is how to assess the body healing type of the individual we are working with. What do I mean by that?

    Over the years, doing energy healing from the 1980s to the present time, I started to realize that with each person, I was addressing the energy flow to their bodies in a different way. Yes, there is the technique to follow, but after a while the practice becomes almost second nature. I found that as I was “listening” to the bodies, I was “talking” to them differently. And I haven’t found that kind of body talk mentioned anywhere in the energy healing field.

    Of course, I think that each energy healing therapist has a particular way that their inner dialog with the client feels most comfortable or most natural. But what I found was that, when I shifted my own inner preference for how I channeled or ran energy to match my client’s healing type, their recovery occurred in shorter lengths of treatment time.

    So here’s what was shown to me in the course of my years in energy healing: There are three basic types of healing preference that each body has: physical, mental, and spiritual. That seems to line up nicely with the complementary approach to body-mind-spirit healing, which is about the triune nature of being human. But what I’m referring to is the dominant energy healing preference each body is wired for. Each person’s body responds most effectively to the type of energy transfer that matches his or her own energy healing type.

    So sometimes I found I would be silently talking to the body and explaining what it was going through and encouraging it to heal itself. “Yes, you had a bad fall. You know your knee is injured, and you know how to fix it. You know how to do this.” This silent body talk flowed into their bodies along with the energy. This was obviously for a mental body healing type.

    Other times I found myself praying. Sometimes it was a standard prayer, sometimes it was a free-flowing appeal to the person’s guides or angels or Christ Spirit or Mary or an archangel or the Universal Healing Forces. Whatever came to mind to say, this prayer-type energy flowed into the spiritual body healing type.

    And of course, there’s the physical body type. This was a bit of a challenge for me, since most of the energy healing I do is in the bio-field around the body and there’s little or no physical contact. But the physical body healing type needs to feel it for it to respond more readily with its own inner healing mechanisms.

    So I’d touch the area in need, sometimes deeply, while my inner body talk with that person was more along the lines of a cheerleader, “Here it is. Go. Fix this. You can do it.” Or sometimes there wasn’t that much dialog, just a lot of purposeful contact while I ran energy.

    By the 1990s, I figured it would be easier for me to know ahead of time which client was which body healing type before the session started so that I could start the body talk right away. Since I’d been learning how to do dowsing, I asked my pendulum what the type was. You can probably also use finger-muscle testing, if you’re familiar with that. It’s a simple yes-no process of elimination as you ask which healing type your client is.

    There were some surprises that I learned along the way, too. People who I thought for sure would be one type turned out to be another, even though their personalities clearly indicated something else. Like my Dad. Here was a guy who was totally immersed in 3-D. If he couldn’t see it, it didn’t exist. A very physical guy. When he got older and started having health problems (and let me work on them, which wasn’t all the time), I dowsed and – lo and behold – his healing body type was a spiritual!!!

    Then there’s my Mom, who I thought for sure would be a spiritual type, but the dowsing told me she was a physical! She believed in the old-country ways of laying on of hands, had a strong church connection, which Dad didn’t have, and was even known to have healing hands when she was younger (which was great for us as kids). But her body responded more effectively to the physical body touch-approach.

    It reminded me of something I came across in the Edgar Cayce holistic health readings. He talked about the “body mind” as though it was something different or separate from the conscious mind. And now I understood that. The body does have a mind of its own. And when we address that clearly, it responds more readily to whatever healing energy we deliver.

    Another surprise was that some people turn out to have dual types. This is more rare, but when you find it, it gives you more variety in how you frame your inner dialog with the body.

    Finally, one night in the late 1990s as I was meditating, it was revealed to me that what my guidance had shown me described the way our Master Teacher, Jesus the Christ, healed people. For many of us, Christ’s healings in the New Testament were our first exposure to energy healing, even though we probably thought of it as magical or superhuman, not something we could all do (even though He said we could). Maybe even some of the priests and pastors of our formal churches did the “laying on of hands.” But think about this:

    When Jesus healed the blind man, he put mud on the man’s eyes and rubbed it in. Then the man could see. This was an example of the physical body healing type. The man needed to feel something happening to his eyes.

    When He told the cripple that his sins were forgiven, or to rise up and walk, He was addressing a mental body healing type. The man simply got up and walked away. There was no contact at all with him.

    Finally, when a woman touched the hem of His garment and He asked her why she did that, she replied that that’s what she knew she needed to do to be healed. Definitely spiritual or faith healing.

    There also is one other example of a type of healing Jesus did and that was when the Roman soldier asked Him to heal his good servant who was not present at the time. This was a beautiful and dramatic example of both distance healing for the servant and faith healing on the part of the soldier.

    During the course of working with many clients over the years, my own guidance has revealed techniques and understandings that were invaluable in helping my people regain function and health sooner and more easily. You can use this information for yourself as well during those times you need to amplify more healing resource into your own body. I hope you find this information applicable in your own interactions with people in need.

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    Source by Cheryl Salerno

    Views: 0

  • Schizophrenia and Psychosis Cure

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    Only a philosopher could discover that the human being is completely absurd since this fact means that humanity is totally crazy. A psychiatrist could not come to that conclusion without being considered crazy.

    Only a poet could listen to the inner voice of the unconscious wisdom, recognize her ignorance and feel how horrible it is to live in a place where everyone is crazy.

    The cure of schizophrenia and psychosis is the total and absolute respect to the moral principles of goodness. A schizophrenic is someone who is completely dominated by the wild side of his or her conscience.

    In case the patient is a murderer, one must learn how to forgive oneself, which is usually impossible to achieve since no one can forgive one’s own faults when they have caused despair and misery.

    Schizophrenia is a very serious mental and psychic disease that cannot be cured because the wild side has completely dominated the human conscience. There is no human personality in the psychic sphere. This is why schizophrenics cannot recuperate their human conscience once they lose it.

    However, they can learn the meaning of their actions and can regain their humanity if they are willing to endure suffering. Suffering is medicine when it gives the patient the necessary conditions that help one become sensitive.

    In case schizophrenic patients are victims of other people’s cruelty, they must learn how to forgive their enemies, which is impossible because their enemies hurt them too much.

    Schizophrenia is the result of human craziness, the massive craziness that governs our world, a world where terror, violence, immorality, hypocrisy, poverty and indifference coexist. This is the insane world of the crazy human being!

    Psychosis is also the result of the same global insanity…

    In fact, schizophrenic and psychotic patients are the biggest victims of violence and indifference.

    However, they can regain their mental, psychological and emotional health through dream interpretation, even though the process is very difficult and time-consuming. Everything is difficult when we have to deal with diseases as terrible as schizophrenia and psychosis.

    Time and many efforts are required, but the patients can be cured!

    This is a miracle!

    We can cure these horrible diseases and save the people who are affected by them today, but we must surely focus on craziness prevention from now on!

    We must put an end to all the horrors of our lives, so that schizophrenia and psychosis ceases to exist in our population.

    Massive psychotherapy is indispensable for humanity if we wish to save the human race and our own planet, since we have almost destroyed all the natural sources, and created an imbalance in the nature of Earth.

    Unconditional and unrestricted peace, truth, wisdom, patience, piety and goodness are the cures for schizophrenia and psychosis.

    Only when we become organized and everyone will be sensitive instead of being indifferent to the horrors they “don’t have the power to eliminate,” will humanity be characterized by psychological, mental and emotional health.

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    Source by Christina Sponias

    Views: 0

  • Mindset = Being Organized

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    I think we can all agree that we hate clutter. We hate it so much we pretend it doesn’t exist. Sometimes we even hide ourselves from the world because we’re afraid of what others may think about us because of it. Being unorganized or having a home full of clutter, which we hate to admit, is thankfully something we can overcome. From experience, all it takes is patience, vulnerability and an open mind to achieve what we want in our homes and in our lives.

    Today I’m going to give you 5 simple and modern-day tips on how to change your mindset so you can become more organized.

    TIP #1: Start small

    For some reason our brains are wired to believe that we MUST complete an entire project at once. Have you ever wondered why none of your tasks or projects ever gets done on time? I bet one of the reasons may be because the project you took on was way to BIG to complete and because you were so overwhelmed, you failed to finish. Not anymore! By starting small, whether it is organizing your pen cup to completing a major project, you will avoid the stress of fulfilling that task and find yourself finishing quickly and punctually.

    TIP #2: Listen to organizing podcasts

    One of the best things you can do in the morning or as you’re driving is to stimulate your mind by listening to things that arouse your mental and physical growth. I’ve noticed in my own life and others around me that doing so has made a world of positive change in our lives. Organizing podcasts like Organize 365 or A Slob Comes Clean are 2 podcasts that have kept me motivated in times when I was lacking. One of the secrets to truly changing your lifestyle is to change our mentality and by incorporating these simple methods in your life, you will get there in no time.

    TIP #3: Create a Checklist

    This may sound cliché but to-do lists really do work – of course only if you use them. As I mentioned above, clutter is a bi%#* and in order to combat it, you will have to tackle it head on in small intervals. Here are 2 examples how checklists can be effective in helping you stay organized. 1) By using a checklist to plan out the tasks you need to accomplish at home after work, will prevent you from being overwhelmed after a stressful day 2) An effective checklist will only have your priority tasks therefore you will know exactly what needs to be done to maintain order. Checklist, lists, to-do list, plans, whatever you want to call them is a habit that needs to be implemented in your life so getting organized and staying organized can become second nature.

    TIP #4: Keep things you Truly Love

    Here are a few common responses I’ve heard when it comes to this topic:

    I love everything in my home and there’s no way I can get rid of anything! All of my stuff has a meaning behind them! Here’s a better one. I’ve spent so much money and I haven’t even worn it yet! – But it’s been 2 years…

    These are just a few examples of statements my clients have said to me when I’d suggest they should only keep things in their home they truly loved. Let me explain what this really means. Lets start with an example. We love our family (our immediate family) and though we may have favorites (wink) we love them so unconditionally that we couldn’t live a day without them. This is the type of feeling I believe you should have for the items in your home. You love your pen so much; the mere thought of it not being in your possession is utter mayhem. If you don’t have this feeling towards the items in your home then it’s probably time to part ways with it. I’d be happy to witness the department!

    TIP #5: Make it a Habit

    New studies show it takes 2-8 months to form a new habit. I know that seems like an abnormal amount of time – at least to getting organized but this is actually great news. Creating new habits shouldn’t be viewed as one and done rather as a process that will create a better outcome. Committing to an organizing system and practicing it thoroughly, though you may have hiccups, will create a positive mind and improve your organizing skills.

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    Source by Judi Igwe

    Views: 0

  • How to Quickly and Confidently Spot a Fake 1893-S Morgan Silver Dollar

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    1893-S Morgan silver dollars are so renowned, that more exist today than were originally minted. Most Counterfeit 1893-S Morgans consist of altered versions of existing genuine Morgan dollars.

    The majority of 1893-S Morgan silver dollars are certified, so why would I need to know how to tell a fake one when I see it? Hasn’t NGC and PCGS already done that for me?

    I’ve seen fake 1893-S Morgans both graded and raw. I have to assume PCGS and NGC graders both know how to spot a fake 1893-S Morgan, so when I see an example of a counterfeit slabbed in a legitimate looking holder, I have to figure the holder is as fake as the coin.

    I also run across fake coin denial. Owners of these coins don’t want to admit they were fooled into buying a counterfeit coin. That’s a hard pill to swallow, especially when the owner paid top dollar for a graded coin with the confidence of it being blessed from a major third party grader.

    The 1893-S date/mintmark is the most valuable of the Morgan designed dollars. Because of this, most counterfeit versions have been made by altering either the date, or the mintmark.

    Learning to tell a fake 1893-S Morgan is simple, because ALL 100,000 coins were made from the same obverse die and two reverse dies. That makes the diagnostic really easy.

    They all have the same obverse characteristics and not terribly different reverse characteristics. Any coin that doesn’t possess the telltale diagnostic characteristics is a fake. Learn what to look for, and you can spot a fake raw coin AND a fake graded coin.

    The date is probably the easiest thing to pick out. Unlike other dies from the S, O, or P mints, the date has a flaw and a certain characteristic the altered coins won’t possess.

    First, look closely at the 1. Does it line up exactly with the dentil directly under it? Can you draw a line right through the center of both?

    Next, study the last numeral. As the date progresses, it slopes upward to the right, in relation to the edge. The 3 is noticeably higher than the 1 at the beginning. This is the easiest way to quickly spot a fake.

    There are things to check in the “T” and “R” on LIBERTY, but they would need a microscope to detect. There’s a tiny die scratch in the “T” and a detail that resembles “rabbit ears” in the base of the “R”. ALL genuine 1893-S Morgans have this detail, if you happen to have a microscope check out this diagnostic detail.

    You don’t really need to turn the coin over to make any more diagnostics on it.

    Further diagnostics will only tell you how the alteration was made. The genuine “S” mintmark is clear and rounded. It isn’t a mushy blob. The top serif on the “S” is a vertical line, while the bottom serif is more like a triangle.

    The next mintmark giveaway is the alignment of the “S”. It should be perfectly aligned. I’ve seen the “S” mintmark noticeably slanted, and it shouldn’t be. Also, the “S” is slightly filled in between the upper curve and the slant of the “S” as well as the lower curve and the slant.

    Since most counterfeit 1893-S dollars are altered, continue to study the coin with a 10X glass. Rotate the coin and look for tooling marks around the 9 or 3 for signs of a date alteration on the obverse. Altered coins are usually the 1898-S, 1883-S, or 1893-P.

    As collector values continue to increase with the 1893-S, the fakes will get even better. With emerging technologies, counterfeits will become almost perfect replicas of the original. My hope is that as technologies to accurately copy a coin advance, technologies to detect such copies will also keep up.

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    Source by Paul St. Julien

    Views: 0

  • 8 Steps to Cure Target Panic

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    However, because there are no scientific studies of this debilitating condition, most of what we think we know is based upon personal experience and supposition. But, as a bow hunter, it is important that you understand that such a condition does exist and that, even if you don’t presently experience any of the symptoms, there are steps that can be taken to alleviate your syndrome if it does suddenly develop.

    So, what is target panic and how do you get past it? Well, there again, because there are no definitive scientific studies on the subject, there is no clear definition of exactly what target panic is nor what causes it but, some of the generally recognized symptoms are: the inability to place the sight pin in the center of the target, freezing above or below the target (usually below), the inability to release the arrow at the target, jerking the trigger instead of squeezing it or achieving a surprise release and, last but not least, “drive by shooting” in which the archer jerks the trigger on his release aid as the sight pin drifts past the intended target.

    However, even though we do not know the definitive cause of target panic, the general consensus among archers is that it is caused by anxiety concerning some aspect of the shot process and thus, while not clinically proven to work, the following steps are loosely based upon the process of systematic desensitization:

    1. Learn to shoot with a hinge-style release aid – it is believed that anticipation of the shot is one of the major causes of target panic. Thus, hinge-style release aids (aka “back tension release”) are specifically designed to cause the release to be a surprise to the archer. However, when first learning to use this type of release, you should use a loop of cord held in your bow hand rather than your bow.

    2. Shoot your bow with your eyes closed – although we often strive to do so, no one can hold a bow perfectly steady at full draw. Therefore, the second step to eliminating shot anxiety is to shoot with your eyes closed. Thus, start by obtaining a large target and significantly reducing the draw weight of your bow. Then, position yourself a short distance from the target (3 to 5 ft.), nock an arrow, draw your bow, and aim while focusing on the sight pin. Then, close both eyes, relax, and release the string while concentrating on the feel of the shot. Repeat until you are comfortable.

    3. Shoot a bare bow – because the sight pin often serves as a distraction, the next step is to remove the sights and concentrate entirely on the feel of the shot instead. Thus, remain close to the target and focus on how the bow feels in your hand and how it feels as you draw and release the string with your eyes open. Also, imagine that you are following the arrow on its flight to the target.

    4. Shoot with sight and a target – next, you need to introduce both a sight and a target. But, you do not want to actually aim just yet! Instead, place a brand new target face on your target, replace the sights on your bow, and adjust them way up so that your arrow will not strike the center of the target. Then, stand close to the target (3 to 5 ft.), draw your bow, place the sight pin in the center of the ten ring, and fire one arrow repeatedly. But, instead of concentrating on the sight pin and holding the bow steady, let the bow drift and instead concentrate on the feel of the shot as you release the arrow as described in the previous step.

    5. Move back to the 5 yard point and aim – for this step, you will need to move back to five yards, face your target, nock an arrow, draw your bow, and aim at the center of the target. But, DO NOT SHOOT! Instead, simply aim at the target for 15 seconds while concentrating on keeping the pin in the center of the ten ring and then relax your draw for 30 seconds. Then, perform this step repeatedly.

    6. Shoot at 5 yards – for this step, you will need to stand approximately five yards from the target, nock an arrow, draw your bow, and aim at the center of the target as in the previous step but, in this step you will actually fire the arrow at the target. However, because your sights have been adjusted way up, your arrows will strike the target well below your point of aim which will enable you to concentrate on the feel of the shot instead of shooting tight groups. Then, repeat this process at ten, fifteen, and twenty yards until you are comfortable.

    7. Shoot for score – in this step, you will employ everything that you have learned in each of the previous steps but, in this step, you will actually be attempting to achieve tight groups. Thus, move back up to five yards and readjust your sights so that your arrow hits the center of the target when you aim at it. Then, face the target, nock an arrow, draw your bow, and aim while attempting to keep the sight pin in the center of the ten ring. However, your main focus should be on the feel of the shot, including correct shooting form, as you release the arrow; not the sight pin as you might expect.

    8. Transition back to your original release aid and draw weight – once you become comfortable with the previous seven steps, you are then ready to transition back to your original draw weight and release aid. Thus, start by keeping your draw weight low and positioning yourself at five yards from the target. Then, draw your bow using your original release aid and aim at the center of the ten ring but, rather than concentrating on the sight pin, instead concentrate on the feel of the shot as you trip the trigger. Then, once you are comfortable with your original release aid, return your bow to its original draw weight while continuing to relax and concentrate on the feel of the shot as you release the arrow with the exact position of the sight pin being of secondary concern.

    So, if you are one of the many archers who either have in the past or, is presently, struggling with target panic, then fear not because, rather than being forced to give up your favorite sport, instead all you need is a little mental retraining! Thus, although not clinically proven, the eight steps mentioned above will certainly help to desensitize and distance you from your anxiety concerning the shot process. That way, you can instead relax and concentrate on the feel of the shot with such considerations as choosing the correct point of aim and the right moment to release the string being secondary, although still important, concerns. Just not your entire focus!

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    Source by Mike Venneri

    Views: 0