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Tag: Emotionally

  • The Catcher in the Rye: Mental Health Services and Social Connections for Children

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    The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger, was required reading for my tenth grade English class. I remembered it as a story about the struggles of adolescence, the yearning for independence, and the reluctance to let go of youth. My son is now about the same age as I was when I read the book and we are living through his own nudge for independence, which sparked my interest to give the story another read. Before I began, I wondered what my take on the book would be at this point in life having survived adolescence and received training and experience in child development in addition to having a teen in the house. This reading accentuated the unresolved grief, family dysfunction, mental illness, and lack of social connectedness of the main character, Holden Caulfield, and how these difficulties exacerbate the issues experienced during the typical maturational process. As the country still debates gun control laws in the aftermath of Sandy Hook, and as we try to recover from the Boston Marathon bombing, The Catcher in the Rye reminds us about the importance of developing meaningful and genuine connections with our children and the need to address their mental health issues.

    The Catcher in the Rye begins as a flashback story about Holden Caulfield’s experiences leading up to his nervous breakdown prior to Christmas. Holden narrates the story while receiving inpatient psychological treatment on the west coast. The events begin at Pencey Prep in Pennsylvania, where Holden has been expelled due to poor academic performance, and conclude in New York City as Holden attempts to return home. During the course of his journey, Holden attempts to make connections with a number of people however, he fails miserably due to his social ineptitude, lack of appropriate treatment for what may possibly be bipolar disorder, and inability to believe that other people are capable of being genuine. Holden eventually makes it home and connects with his younger sister. By that time he has decompensated to the point that, even though he is no longer experiencing suicidal ideations, he feels disconnected, misunderstood, and alone. Holden decides that he is going to go away, to escape from society and the rejection, the loneliness, and the pain that he feels. However, Holden makes one last trip to see his sister Phoebe before he disappears. Phoebe’s caring, anger, and innocence provide Holden with the connection he is looking for; she is both a peer and dependent to him. Through Phoebe, Holden is able to cling to his childhood and put off making the leap to young adulthood and independence.

    One theme that I was more attuned to during this reading was the unspoken dysfunction of the Caulfield family. Holden frequently compares himself to his younger, deceased brother, whom he describes as brilliant and athletic, as well as his older brother, who has become a successful author. It is suggested that Holden is a challenging child, and somewhat of a disappointment to his parents as he has been unable to live up to their expectations. He has been expelled from at least four preparatory schools due to poor academic performance, he has difficulty socially connecting with others, and he has frequent mood swings. It is possible that Holden’s parents were drained from watching their youngest son battle with leukemia which left them with little strength to effectively deal with Holden’s grief and potential disability. In Holden’s eyes, they appear to have emotionally and physically divested themselves from him. He has little to no emotional family support and what appears to be very little communication with them. Holden is left adrift to navigate this tumultuous time in his life without support, understanding, and treatment. His efforts to reach out and communicate, including failing out of schools and getting into fights, are not understood as cries for help but are seen as personal shortcomings.

    Holden perceives most people as being phony, superficial, and hypercritical. This may in part be due to his social awkwardness, lack of maturity, and feeling of being abandoned by his parents. He is continuously let down by everyone that he reaches out to for help as they either don’t live up to what Holden has built up in his mind, or they try to take advantage of him. Therefore, Holden comes to believe that everyone is phony who doesn’t or is incapable of meeting his preconceived expectations. In addition, Holden clearly experiences moments of mania during the story, which are often followed by feelings of sadness to the point where he does express some suicidal thoughts. It seems that the lack of communication with his parents, the unresolved grief and guilt over the death of his brother, and the inability to effectively and appropriately connect with others result in Holden being unable to interact with others on anything but a superficial level. The exception to this is Phoebe. Her reluctance to let her brother leave provides Holden with the strength to go home and ask for help. However, in the end, Holden continues to suffer from a lack of love and feelings of loneliness. He states, “Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.” At this point, Holden continues to find it difficult to have genuine, meaningful relationships believing that when you open up to people that they will turn away from you in order to keep the relationship on a superficial level. Holden continues to be plagued by this emotional void and, while there is a hunger for social connectedness, he will continue to experience emptiness and rejection due to his quirkiness.

    For me, reading The Catcher in the Rye in high school highlighted the struggle for independence and Holden’s war on hypocrisy. On this reading, I was able to obtain a better understanding of the tragedy that occurs as a result of Holden’s parents being unable to provide him the emotional support that he needs to overcome his brother’s death and deal with his mental health needs. Holden’s repeated failure to socially connect and develop a meaningful relationship with anyone other than his sister and the lack of treatment for his mental health issues made me think of the recent tragedies in Colorado, Sandy Hook, and Boston. It reinforced the need to take mental health needs and services seriously; just because these conditions are unseen doesn’t mean that they aren’t debilitating. Feeling cared for and connected to others reduces the stress, stigma, and isolation that are associated with these conditions. It made me wonder whether these tragedies could have been avoided if the people involved had received appropriate therapy and treatment. They may have felt connected and accepted, and these tragedies may have been avoided. The message of being accepted and cared for from The Catcher in the Rye continues to be relevant to young people today as we all strive for acceptance.

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    Source by David Pino

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  • Can Animals Get PTSD? Yes! Animal Communication and Energy Healing Can Help

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    Today, many rescued animals experience PTSD. They need help to heal before they can integrate into your family. Animal Communication and Energy Healing are two powerful tools to assist them.

    Why do so many animals experience trauma today?

    Many of the reasons are similar to those experiences that can cause PTSD in humans.

    ~~ Too early separation from the mother dog, cat, or horse, for whatever reason.

    ~~ Separation from their human family due to hurricanes, storms, flooding, fires, earthquakes, and other weather or earth-changing event in which people and their animals can become separated.

    ~~ Being shuffled from one rescue place to another in the genuinely loving effort to find the rescued animal a new home.

    ~~ Traumatic loss because the family is no longer able to keep the animal due to financial and/or health changes.

    ~~ When animals are dropped off at shelters or abandoned without explanation, they are confused, scared, hurt, angry, grieving, and afraid – just to name a few emotions that come up for them.

    ~~ When the shelter is one that kills animals after so many days, the animals know they might be killed, and the spirits of other animals killed there may be lingering, making the situation even more uncomfortable.

    This is not a complete list, but this list illustrates that one or more of these experiences may make integrating into a new loving family a challenge for the animal you’ve so lovingly adopted.

    The good news is that animals can recover from PTSD.

    When you adopt an animal from a rescue facility, you may not realize immediately that the animal is having difficulty adjusting.

    I’ve had clients ask for my assistance after struggling for a year or more to connect with a cat or dog or horse who has experienced a traumatic event.

    These clients are good, kind, loving, nurturing people who have tried everything they can think of to help their new animal companion adjust. Often they have been pouring love to an animal who is not open to receiving it.

    Of course, the sooner you ask for assistance, the sooner you and the animal will begin to build trust and open a loving connection between you.

    When an animal is emotionally shut down, afraid of experiencing yet another loss, and/or distrustful that this will be their “forever” home, something else must be added to the equation to assist them.

    Whatever history you have about the animal is also a very important piece of the puzzle.

    Using my Animal Communication and energy healing skills, I can offer you and your new companion special assistance.

    Over several sessions, I am able to establish a rapport with an animal who is very shut down.

    It can actually help me connect with them because I’m not physically present.

    Working from a distance, I can easily make a telepathic connection, which some animals experience as less intrusive than a human stranger being physically in the animal’s space.

    Furthermore, telepathically and energetically…

    ~~ I can feel what the animal is feeling because I’m a strong emotional empath.

    ~~ I can feel if the animal has a huge wall around themselves, or just needs some additional reassurance.

    ~~ I can feel if the animal is distrustful and can suggest ways of building trust.

    ~~ I can often feel if the animal is hiding something or lying to me and/or to themselves.

    ~~ I can ask other animals in your family for any insights they want to share, assuming they have already met the new family member. These often prove to be of immense value in understanding what’s going on with an animal who is too closed down to share very much.

    ~~ I can scan the animal energetically, with the animal’s permission, to pick up energy patterns in their auric field, chakras, and physical body.

    Once we have a better understanding of what’s going on for that animal, we together develop a plan of action.

    ~~ Sometimes Flower Essences are a good way to start. I am able to suggest appropriate essences to assist you and your animal companion(s).

    ~~ As a Certified Practitioner of The Emotion Code™, developed by Dr. Bradley Nelson, I know what a valuable tool this is for assisting an animal with PTSD. (This system has also been shown to be effective with humans.) Releasing emotional blocks and reducing or eliminating walls around their hearts will bring about huge healing shifts.

    ~~ As a Certified Multidimensional Healer, I work with healing teams from Source to remove the energy patterns of trauma, repair chakras and other damaged areas, assist the animal’s bodies to rebalance, and bring the animal into a space of harmony, peace, and openness to their new life circumstances.

    ~~ I may also refer you to other practitioners who offer many other alternative services that will assist the animal, such as acupuncture, chiropractic, Theta Healing, and basic training for dogs and horses.

    Having a “plan of action” helps you and the animal know what next steps to take and have a sense that there truly is hope of healing the animal and the entire situation.

    Have you recently brought home a new animal or are planning to adopt from a rescue place?

    If so, keep in mind that while coming to your home is the best thing for this animal, in some cases you many need to take some extra steps to help the animal integrate and become part of your loving family.

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    Source by Nedda Wittels

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  • Relationships: Can Someone Be Emotionally Unavailable Even Though They’re In A Relationship?

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    It would be easy to believe that the people who are emotionally unavailable are single and the ones who aren’t are in a relationship. Or, if someone is emotionally available and single, it could just show that they are taking a break after going through a breakup, for instance.

    This is then typically going to be something that is very black and white. However, while it may seem as though this is the case, this outlook would have very little to do with how things actually are.

    An Illusion

    In the same way that someone who appears to be happy can be deeply unhappy on the inside; someone can be in a relationship but it doesn’t mean that they are truly in one. Still, from the outside it may appear as though they are in an intimate relationship.

    In fact, other people could often wonder what it would be like for them to be in a relationship like this. These people are then going to believe that this person has this area of their life handled, and are going to want to experience the same thing.

    Both Ways

    Furthermore, someone like this could also believe that they are in an intimate relationship. So, every part of their being is not going to be involved, but they will still see themselves as someone who is in a relationship.

    They are then going to share their mind and their body with their partner, yet the emotional part of their being won’t be fully on a board. This doesn’t mean that they won’t feel things, though.

    Absent

    Their body will then be with their partner, but their mind and heart can spend a lot of time being somewhere else; that is unless their heart has simply retracted. Now, this is not going to be the same as having distractions at work; it will mean that one will generally find it hard to be fully present with their partner.

    If their partner doesn’t have trouble being present, they might be able to sense that one is rarely, if ever, present. They might not be able to understand what is going on, but they will find it hard to deeply connect with them.

    The Clearest Sign

    If this is how someone is most of the time, it will be pretty clear that they are emotionally unavailable. Their partner shouldn’t need any more information in order to realise that something isn’t right.

    Nonetheless, if they are also emotionally unavailable, it might take a while for them to become aware of this. And even if this was to take place, if they are not aware of what is going on for them and the part that they will have played in being drawn to someone like this, they could end up feeling like a victim and blaming their partner.

    It’s not random

    What this comes down to is that they wouldn’t have randomly ended up with this person. This is not to say that they consciously chose to end up with them; it will have most likely been something that took place unconsciously.

    One way of looking at this would be to say that they were drawn to this person so that they could resolve their inner wounds and grow in the process. The only way this will happen is if they are aware of what is going on and don’t get caught up in their inner wounds.

    Back To the Main Point

    If someone is rarely present it will be clear that something is not right, and there can be other things that also reveal that they are not ready have an intimate relationship. Through having a weak connection with their emotions, it will probably be rare for them to relate to their partner on a deeper level.

    This can then cause the relationship to be very superficial and, thus, to lack the depth that is needed to enable a deeper connection to develop. As a result of this, the relationship might not progress.

    Avoiding Conflict

    Once the initial spark has died out and sexual side has settled down, there might not be a lot to hold the relationship together. But if their partner was to talk about how this, one could dismiss what they say.

    Another thing that they could do is to walk away if something like this is brought up, which will show that they are not willing to go there. This will be a further sign that they are only looking to get their feet wet, so to speak.

    An Obvious One

    If one was to continually talk about their ex, and even spent a fair amount of time with them, it is likely to show that something right. Their body could be in their present relationship but their heart could still be attached to their ex.

    It could go even further than this and one might actually still be sharing their body with their ex. If they are cheating on their partner, this will be another sign that they are not ready to commit.

    Awareness

    Obviously, the only way that someone can change their behaviour is they are aware of what is going on and have the desire to change. With this in mind, if one is in a relationship with someone who is not emotionally unavailable and they are not willing to do anything about it, it might be in their best interest to walk away.

    ​

    If they are used to attracting people like this, it will be a good idea for them to take a deeper look into what is going on for them at a deeper level. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.

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    Source by Oliver JR Cooper

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  • Dealing With Emotional Triggers

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    I write this article because I realized that while going through a tough season in my life and going through the emotional healing process there were moments when out of nowhere something and even someone would say or do something unbeknownst to them that would set me on an emotional spiral because it triggered a negative memory or life moment gripped by strong emotions.

    Once the moment subsided I started wondering what I could do to not be undermined by emotional triggers in my life. It has a lot to do with your thought process which works with your emotions. I have been in the process of healing my soul and crucial to that process was dealing with how I think and how it was effecting my life. For the most part I am positive but a long season of growing pains had created a lot of woundedness in my soul. I made the decision not to see through my wounds anymore and to see from a healthy soul which begins with ridding myself of the negative thoughts that have been bombarding me. To do so I began with prayer and seeking God for the wisdom and solution to deal with the hurt in my soul. Below are the solutions that has and continue to work for me. I am wired to be productive so this is incorporated into my day and what I will do for that day

    1) Pray and get quiet within yourself to hear the answer

    2) Once the answer comes stay committed to the healing process. It will take time to heal in your soul.

    3) Stay Diligent it takes 21 days to establish a new habit, and 90 days to become a way of life.

    4) I listen to and watch positive teaching on thinking and healing my soul daily.

    5) I wake up praying and then listening to teaching on the radio to replace negative thoughts and self talk with faith filled thoughts & words

    6) I Listen to worship music and worship God through song, I also listen to soothing music without lyrics sometimes. This creates an environment of peace conducive for my soul to heal.

    7) On hard days press in harder and don’t stop the healing process.

    8) It is crucial to guard your eyes, ears, and heart.

    9) Negative things do happen and it’s important how you manage your emotional response

    10) Believe in yourself and make the decision to not line up with a negative perspective and choose to see the good

    For example there is a great worship song that was sung at my sisters home going service and on a Sunday in church the song was sung. I began to come unglued emotionally inside but no one around me knew I was struggling and I wanted to run but The Holy Spirit reassured me I will be alright with a comforting peace. I just started saying Hallelujah to calm myself and stay focused on the worship. Till this day I can no longer hear that song but learning how to manage the trigger. My Pastor A. R. Bernard taught us that it will take twelve pieces of positive information to replace one piece of negative information. Yes it is a battle but worth fighting to be free indeed, healed and whole in your soul.

    This sums it up when dealing with Triggers… It’s crucial to Breathe properly to help calm yourself and gather your thoughts to respond and not react to your triggers

    Quote: Take a breath. Pause. Iyanla Vanzant

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    Source by Jana Hicks

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  • To Prevent A Divorce And Save Your Relationship Merely Takes A Willingness To Do So

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    If your relationship is going through a rough patch and it is one of numerous rough spots you may be worried that you are heading for divorce.

    Often divorce can’t be avoided, it will depend on the couple and the circumstance, but there are many times that you can pursue healing your relationship prior to it reaches the point for divorce.

    One error many people make is that they start making promises.

    Even if you believe you are genuine and that you can make some attitude and behavior changes, but do not commit, declarations like these will not save your relationship.

    You do need to go over the issues with your partner though since you can’t simply alter who you are to make them more than satisfied, and you need to be pleased and more than satisfied, too.

    Often there are issues that both of you require to work with to improve the relationship.

    The Idea is to Repair the Relationship Issues

    Telling your partner that you love or admire him/her continuously is not a great idea either, because even if it is true and you do like him, stating it constantly won’t repair any issues.

    Telling him that you like him can be seen as a bit of emotional blackmail – when all else fails to say ‘I love you’ – it doesn’t rather work like that.

    Rather, it’s the holiness within each of you that must be and connect seen as whole that is the miracle remedy for a failing marital relationship.

    The Course in Miracles states, “The holy relationship is a phenomenal teaching accomplishment. In all its aspects, as it begins, develops and becomes accomplished, it represents the reversal of the unholy relationship.”

    When a relationship is in difficulty it can be difficult and you may find yourself a psychological wreck and seem to think that to prevent divorce is impossible.

    Due to the fact that it will just drain him more emotionally, this is another factor why you shouldn’t keep telling him that you love him.

    Telling him that he is sexy or that you love him is something you must save for when you have your relationship back on track.

    Another big mistake when a relationship is in difficulty is to constantly argue, and all it does is add more stress to the relationship, and no one wins these arguments.

    No one Wins Over Arguments

    In a previous discussion I went deeper into the best marriage advice online and does couples therapy really work?

    – Do not start any arguments with your partner and if he begins one then leave.

    – If he would like to go over matters, when he has actually soothed down then ask him.

    – Do not approach the marital relationship like a competitor.

    You are not wanting to prove who is best at relationships and who is to blame for it stopping working, but do approach it like a partnership that you both need to help each other with.

    Sit down with your husband/wife and calmly talk about any problems you have, if your marriage is heading for divorce perhaps discuss how to avoid divorce.

    Don’t argue with him however ask him exactly what he is feeling and how he thinks you can prevent and enhance the marital relationship divorce.

    To save your relationship take his answers into factor to consider along with your own sensations and attempt to work some compromise that will make you both feel better.

    If you handle the problem in a calm and fully grown method, you can between the two of you, and perhaps with marriage counseling, find how to avoid a divorce.

    Even if you believe you are sincere, but he/she is not, and that you can make positive changes, statements of demanding or pleading will only hurt chances for how to fix a failing relationship.

    – Can you stop a divorce after filing?

    It Takes a Readiness to do the Work

    You may, but typically there are issues that both parties need to work with to rather than dealing with a breakup to enhance the relationship.

    Telling him that you enjoy him or that you will do anything for him/her, is something you need to save for when communication and holiness within is found and connected, and you have your relationship back on track.

    When a relationship is in trouble and continuously arguing is happening, the biggest error that needs forgiveness is.

    Do not approach the marital relationship like a competitor to find who is best at relationships and who is to blame, because the ego is in charge then, and you’ll see you both ending the relationship.

    It may be time for leaving the relationship where healing after a breakup is your next phase if you simply can not reconnect and heal within your hearts.

    (I also suggest searching the web for further content that dives into the idea of getting back with your ex, if that may be in the cards, and sure ways to rekindle a relationship.)

    To success in life and love!

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    Source by James Nussbaumer

    Views: 0

  • Relationship Anxiety – Why Doesn’t My Boyfriend Want to Marry Me?

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    Relationships aren’t always viewed as investments, but in many ways that’s exactly what they are. This is especially the case for a woman who is dating a man who is somewhat resistant to the idea of marriage. If you’re that woman, you know that you’ve invested a great deal of time and emotional energy into the connection. It’s understandable that you’d want and expect a diamond ring and a romantic wedding at some point, but what do you do if that end goal is nowhere in sight? If your boyfriend has made it clear to you that he’s not interested in marriage, you’re left flabbergasted. Before you throw in the towel and walk away from everything you two have built, you need some answers. Understanding why he isn’t feeling drawn towards marriage can help you overcome the problem and get things moving in a more positive relationship direction.

    Think About His Reasons for Not Wanting to Marry

    Obviously, by this point you and your boyfriend have discussed the issue of marriage and how you both feel about it. In all likelihood you’ve pushed your boyfriend to share with you where his reservations are coming from. Each man is unique which means that his reasoning for not wanting to take the plunge is going to be specific to him. Generally there are several common threads that seem to run through relationships in which the man isn’t in any rush to get married.

    One of the most common reasons why men refuse to make such a strong commitment is they sense that they’ll lose their own identity when they become a “husband.” Instead of being a self sufficient, single guy they suddenly become one half of a couple who are joined together forever. To most women this sounds like a dream come true but for a man who doesn’t feel emotionally mature, this can be a very frightening proposition. Not only does he see his own identity being pulled away but he senses that his role, from the wedding day forward, is simply to please his wife.

    Other men won’t get down on bended knee to make that all-important proposal because the financial aspect of it weighs heavily on their mind. Men want to be viewed as providers and if your man doesn’t have the means to support himself, let alone you and any potential children in the future, he isn’t going to want to take any steps towards commitment. He also likely won’t reveal his true motivations for not getting engaged. He doesn’t want you to think poorly of him. To a man the most important thing is that the woman he loves sees him as a hero in every sense.

    Devote Your Energy to Helping Him Overcome His Resistance

    There’s something to be said for not pushing a man to commit, but there are obvious exceptions every woman should be aware of. If you believe your boyfriend would love to be married, but he does have some lingering reservations that you’ve been able to identify, you can then start work on helping him move past those.

    It’s not advisable for you to sit down with a man who you believe is struggling with finances so you two can have an honest discussion about how he can’t afford a wedding, let alone an engagement ring. It is helpful if you share with him how you see marriage as an equal partnership and how important it is to you to contribute equally, always. If your boyfriend feels that some of the financial burden has been taken off his shoulders, in a very subtle way by you, that may steer him closer towards a proposal.

    You can also persuade your man to see the gains he’ll make in being married to you, as opposed to the losses he may believe he’ll suffer. If your guy is surrounded by single male friends, this may prove a bit more challenging, but don’t ever view it as impossible.

    Simply start mentioning how important you believe it is that couples always have their own interests. You could even bring up the example of a married friend of yours. Talk about how you think it’s great that her and her husband still have their own independent friends and that they each spend time apart from one another visiting with those friends.

    If your boyfriend senses that your attitude after you marry is going to be that of a woman who doesn’t want her husband spending all his time with her, he’ll be more inclined to see marriage in a much more positive light.

    Be Realistic About the Future of Your Relationship

    Even if you’ve determined why you believe your boyfriend is being hesitant about committing, and you’ve been working at getting him to move past his reservations, there is still a chance that he’ll refuse to marry you.

    If this is the case, it’s important that you look within yourself to decide if waiting endlessly is the right thing for you. Some people just don’t see marriage as something they want in their lives. If this depth of connection is important to you and your boyfriend has continued to resist, even after you’ve helped him understand the benefits of it, it may be time to rethink your future.

    You, and only you, can decide if marriage is a deal breaker within your relationship. If it’s vitally important to you that you two marry, share that with him and leave the ball in his court. If he continues to ignore your needs, you really have to consider whether a partner like that is truly the best choice after all.

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    Source by Gillian Reynolds

    Views: 0

  • My Wife Has No Time for Me! How to Take Control and Change This

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    We’re all well aware that each day only affords us a meagre twenty-four hours. When you factor in the time you spend working, traveling to and back to the office, sleeping, showering and eating, there isn’t a whole lot of time left for anything else. However, when you’re married you really do need to pencil in some time to spend with your spouse. It’s expected and beyond that, it’s crucial for a well balanced, happy and fulfilling partnership. That’s why it’s so alarming if you’re a man who has a wife with a schedule that doesn’t leave any time at all for you. If your wife is so busy that she can’t spend even a few moments with you per day, you need to help her find an opening here and there to connect with you. If you want your marriage to last, this needs to be at the top of your priority list.

    Obviously, you are going to take it personally if your wife has no time for you. Early in your marriage, she made certain that she had time to devote just to you, yes? You two did things together that you likely miss now. Perhaps back then you took something like having a coffee together for granted. Now you’d give just about anything to have an hour alone with her. As much as you may want to blame her lack of interaction with you on her busy schedule, there’s probably an underlying reason why she has excuse after excuse for not spending time with you. In most cases where this happens, it’s because the wife has begun to feel emotionally detached from her husband. Instead of trying to make awkward small talk with him she’d rather avoid him.

    Your wife isn’t about to do anything on her own to change this. If she seems happy enough filling her days with things that keep her from you, it’s you who needs to alter the routine of your marriage. Start by telling your wife that you miss her and wish you two had more time together. Although this may not alter her schedule so that she makes time for you, it lets it be known that you’re not happy with the way things are and your goal is to share more of your life with her. Your statement about wanting to be with her more won’t go unnoticed by her even if she seems to ignore it or brush it aside.

    Many women are devoting a great deal of their time to things that have to do with running the household and being a mom. You’re part of that equation so why not pitch in so your wife has more time for you? You can ask her if there’s anything she’d like you to do but be prepared for her to say there isn’t. Many women have a bit of a control streak running through them and they like to tackle everything they possibly can just because they believe no one else has the ability to do it quite as well as they do. If this sounds like a dictionary description of your wife’s personality, take on some tasks on your own. Jump in and drive the kids to school or make dinner a few times a week. Show your wife that you want to be her domestic partner as well as her life partner. The time you spend doing things around the house or tending to the children will result in more free time for your wife and thus more time for her to be with you.

    A great way to solve the issue of a wife who has no time is to create a scenario in which she has no choice but to spend time with you. This almost sounds like it borders on forcing her to make time for you but don’t view it that way. Plan an evening out for the two of you and take care of all the details right down to arranging child care if necessary. Then surprise your wife with your thoughtful night out. She’ll see the effort you put in as a sign of your desire to be closer to her. It’s a great way to not only have some uninterrupted time with your wife but it will give you a chance to talk with her about what she’s feeling and that will only help when it comes to bridging any emotional distance she may be feeling.

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    Source by Gillian Reynolds

    Views: 0

  • Developing Emotional Control With The Fallen Angels

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    Emotional control is that thing that everyone wants, but no one knows how to get.

    How do you develop something that most people don’t even understand?

    Some say hours of meditation can do this. You just meditate for a set amount of time each day and you develop more balanced emotions somehow.

    That doesn’t make sense to most people so they don’t do it.

    Meditation is only one way to learn how to better control yourself, and thereby your emotions.

    The fallen angels have a very unique power, and that is to guide us to understand our emotions. They can give you insight on how to better self-reflect and understand yourself.

    That process alone can be quite a startling realization.

    Let’s say you wanted a little spark to start things off.

    How on earth would you develop more emotional control and resilience if you don’t know where to start?

    Well, allow me to show you the way.

    Hakemiah – Develop emotional understanding of yourself and others around you (if applicable)

    Melahel – Develop deep understanding of your emotions so as to bring yourself to a serene state of being faster.

    Vevaliah – Enables deeper understanding of yourself, namely your emotions, so that you can better manage your temper, anger and other negative emotions if they creep up.

    Omemiah – Enables conscious control over emotions in a way that you can self-reflect and know how to bring your emotions back under control. Aids control of conscious thoughts so intellect and emotions are better controlled.

    Eshaliah – Deepens our connection to the self so that we have a much deeper holistic understanding of our emotions and how to manage them.

    Take a deep look at these powers. Do you see how powerful this can be?

    When you have emotional control, you basically have control over your thoughts, your body and how you react to others, the things that happen to you, and your life in general.

    Am I over stating things?

    Actually, not at all. This is a pretty big deal no one really considers.

    We are diving very deep into the fallen angels, and this is uncharted territory for most of you.

    These angels are very easy to work with as long as you are willing to put some effort into your evolution – not many are willing to do that.

    What does that mean to put effort into your evolution? It just means that you care about becoming a better person and how you get there. The people who are technically ‘asleep’, who just go by day by day not self-reflecting and oblivious to the world around them are not ready for these angels.

    If you know what you want, and you’re just not sure how to get there, these angels can help you get there.

    Emotional resilience is a very big deal for those who are successful – it doesn’t really matter how you define success either. Being emotionally strong is just really seriously important, and I think you already see that.

    Nememiah – Helps us develop deep emotional resilience that allows us perfect self-understanding that leads to being much stronger emotionally.

    Literally everyone can use emotional resilience to better their lives.

    Asking if emotionally strength can help is like asking whether having extra money is a good thing – you don’t even question that.

    The tragic thing here is those who most need emotional help likely won’t be reading this. You are very likely one of the more emotionally awake people out there, and it’s interesting that you know you’re serious about developing your emotional strength.

    This isn’t a question of whether or not you want more emotional control, but of how enhanced emotional strength can help you.

    Can it help you cope with problems at work better?

    Can it help you deal with family drama in a more constructive way?

    Can it help you deal with stressful situations easier?

    It doesn’t matter what your situation is, the answer is Yes to these in one way or another.

    Emotional resilience is powerful, but I don’t think we pay enough attention to it to really change ourselves.

    I think that should change, don’t you?

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    Source by Donald B. Johnson

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  • Follow the Yellow Brick Road to More Sales

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    When Dorothy landed in Oz, she wanted to go home and was told by the Munchkins to see the great and powerful Wizard of Oz. “But how do I find the Wizard”, she asked. “Follow the Yellow Brick Road”. “And the best way to start, is at the beginning”. And that holds true for the Sandler System as well. Start at the beginning.

    The beginning step in the Sandler Sales Process is to establish bonding and rapport with your prospect. Once you’ve created a good relationship with this person, you can then set an up-front contract on what you will discuss, typically their agenda and yours, with a specific outcome in mind. This up-front contract should lead them down the path towards revealing some pain. If there’s no pain to reveal, then you can shake hands and part as friends, and move on to the next prospect. However, if you do reveal some pain, then you schedule a next meeting where you can delve deeper into the prospects issues and pain.

    THE PAIN FUNNEL IN ACTION

    Let’s look at a sample story showing the pain funnel in action. In this story, our sales person works for a contractor who builds navigation systems for fighter jets, and has an appointment to see Henry Jones. Henry has an engineering background and is very technical in nature. Watch how the sales person starts out using the questions from the Sandler Pain Funnel to better understand his prospect, and then slowly moves Henry through the funnel towards a sale. The questions are broad at first, but then become more specific and designed to make the prospect more emotional. The idea is to grasp Henry’s problems and lead him to reveal how the problems affect Henry personally.

    Henry starts by asking the salesperson, “Can you design a system that will easily retro- fit our F-16s so that rewiring will not be problematic?” As you can see, this is a very technical question for a very technical problem. The salesperson can try one of one two things: answer the question directly and speak about the product’s features and benefits, or try to uncover the real intent of the question and ultimately, if there’s any pain. In this example, the salesperson employs the Pain Funnel to dig for the pain behind the prospect’s question. The salesperson responds, “You know, that’s a great question. Can you tell me more about that?” Henry answers back, “Yes. We’ve had some experiences retrofitting F-16s with different types of equipment and ran into some challenges. It takes a very long time to rewire the system, and that becomes problematic when you have to disconnect wiring harnesses and lots of other systems that are related to whatever it is we are installing.” The salesperson probes, “Can you be a bit more specific? Give me an example.”

    Keep in mind, each and every question the salesperson asks comes from the Pain Funnel. Even though the questions are in order, you can tell it offers a very smooth arc to the overall conversation. If you have internalized the questions and the process, it won’t feel awkward guiding a prospect through the Pain Funnel in exactly the order prescribed.

    Henry continues, “Well, recently we had to retrofit replacements into the planes. We had to take out the ejection seats and remove some of the navigational systems. We even had to get into the hydraulics. So, what we originally anticipated would be a 25-hour job turned into a job that lasted close to 200 hours. It’s not so much the hours that really bothers us as the amount of time the fighters have to be out of service in order to get it done.” The salesperson continues down the Pain Funnel, “How long has that been a problem?” “It’s been two years that we’ve been dealing with this,” Henry replies. “OK. What have you tried to do about that?” the salesperson asks, following the Pain Funnel method exactly.

    Henry answers, “We talked to a contractor to see if there was a possible fix, and they came up with some recommendations.” The salesperson goes to the next Pain Funnel question: “And did that work?” Henry responds, “The only potentially viable solution they came up with was to redesign the entire system. That would actually take the planes out of commission for even longer.” The salesperson asks, “Do you have any idea how much that would cost you?” “A lot. But it’s not just dollars. It also puts peoples’ lives at risk. Every day that one of those planes is out of service, we risk not having a jet ready to protect people”, Henry says more emotionally now. “How do you feel about that?” the salesperson asks sincerely. (Or alternatively, the salesperson could ask, “What’s your level of commitment to seeing if there is a way to make sure this problem doesn’t happen again?”) “Honestly? We’re very upset this is happening, and we have to get it fixed. We need solutions that minimize the amount of time these planes are out of service. Do you think you can help us?”, Henry pleads.

    THAT’S HOW IT WORKS

    In our prior scenario, the salesperson effectively uncovered Henry’s pain. So what’s next? Uncover even more pain. An effective Pain Step means uncovering 3 to 5 elements of pain the prospect is dealing with. However, don’t use the same approach each time, vary it a bit to keep the prospect unaware of what you are doing. A classic bit of sales wisdom is, “The best presentation you will ever give is the one the prospect doesn’t see.” Since the prospect has revealed to you what to present in order to win the sale, you will want to move forward in the sales process by offering direct solutions that relieve his pain. However, don’t do it right away. First, be sure you really have uncovered three to five pains, and done a good job on the Budget and Decision Steps. In other words, stay within the Sandler Seven Step process. At this point, you will be ready to present the appropriate solutions in the Fulfillment Step. Moreover, if you’ve done your job correctly, like Dorothy did, and followed the Yellow Brick Road to Oz, all you need to do is click the Ruby Slippers together and the deal will close itself, and may even take you some where over the rainbow!

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    Source by Greg Nanigian

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  • Numerology’s Habit Challenge; Hidden Strength From Your Name

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    All of us know what it’s like to have a crisis on our hands. When you have such a problem, where do you find the ability to deal with it? Numerology can help you find out what your basic approach is to solving the really hard problems in life. You just need to calculate your Habit Challenge.

    The Habit Challenge has several names: Submerged Characteristic and Habit number to name a few. This value reveals a hidden strength which you can use when problems are especially difficult for you. You don’t call on it often, but it’s there when you need it. Note: since this value is based on your use name, it can change throughout your lifetime.

    Habit Challenge Calculation

    Your Habit Challenge is calculated by counting the number of digits in your use name, and then reducing the total by fadic addition. For example actor Johnny Depp’s habit challenge value is (1) as shown below:

    Johnny Depp = (6 + 4) = (10) = (1 + 0) = (1)

    Habit Challenge (1) – Originality

    Your value gives you the ability to find an original solution to difficult problems, often to the surprise of others. Choosing to take the lead in these problems brings quick results.

    Habit Challenge (2) – Follower

    Your value gives you the ability to be a good follower; to let others lead and to obey orders when necessary. Collaboration is usually successful and some skill in diplomacy is present.

    Habit Challenge (3) – Imagination

    Your value gives you the ability to use your imagination and creativity to solve unusually difficult problems; you will find an artistic solution. You don’t always take these kinds of problems seriously.

    Habit Challenge (4) – Logic

    Your value gives you the ability to use logic and set reasonable goals to solve unusually difficult problems. Detailed, unemotional analysis will be your tools. You prefer a practical and orthodox solution to these problems. You will remain emotionally calm and cool in these situations.

    Habit Challenge (5) – Adaptive

    Your value gives you the ability to be adaptable, take risks, and accept changes to solve unusually difficult problems. New, untried solutions can work for you. You will show quickness of thought and versatility in these situations.

    Habit Challenge (6) – Responsible

    Your value gives you the ability to be responsible and sympathetic to the needs of others in solving unusually difficult problems. The effects on friends and family will be considered in reaching your solution.

    Habit Challenge (7) – Meditation

    Your value gives you the ability to meditate and seek within yourself to solve unusually difficult problems. You will tend to reject unsought advice and work to find your own solutions. You will wait to act until conditions are perfect to solve these problems.

    Habit Challenge (8) – Ruthless

    Your value gives you the ability to be efficient and ruthless in solving unusually difficult problems. You will set goals and work long and hard on them in these situations. Determination and persistence will be used in solving these problems.

    Habit Challenge (9) – Broad Minded

    Your value gives you the ability to take a broad-minded and idealistic approach to solve unusually difficult problems. You will be generous towards others in these situations. You will have unexpected and dramatic reactions to any opposition in solving these problems.

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    Source by Keith Abbott

    Views: 0