Tag: Due

  • Five Distinct Mindsets of an Entrepreneur

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    I have written in this column before about whether entrepreneurs are made or born (January 18). As I noted in that column, the issue is no longer the subject of debate. Entrepreneurs can be made, that much is clear. Unfortunately, the culmination of that debate begs a new question: What do aspiring entrepreneurs need to learn?

    The most fruitful research into this question has identified a number of cognitive skills that “expert entrepreneurs” possess. Cognitive skills are, in short, unique ways of thinking. Entrepreneurs who have been examined to reveal the cognitive skills they possess are usually NOT able to articulate them. They are aware that they’ve developed capabilities to convert disparate resources into profitable opportunities, but they can’t exactly say how they do it.

    Research has identified distinct patterns in the thought processes in an exceedingly diverse set of entrepreneurs. Scholars have translated these patterns into terms that can be used by people who teach entrepreneurship and, more importantly, those who practice it.

    In another field of study, Harvard psychologist Howard Gardner wrote a book titled “Five Minds for the Future”. The rationale for Gardner’s work is that: “One cannot even begin to develop an educational system unless one has in mind the knowledge and skills that one values, and the kinds of individuals one hopes will emerge at the end”. His book focuses on the five “mindsets” that he believes essential to general education: the disciplined mind, the synthesizing mind, the creative mind, the ethical mind, and the responsible mind.

    While Gardner’s minds are debatable, his perspective that the way people think largely defines who they become is instructive. In light of his work, it seems natural to wonder whether it is possible to identify five specific “mindsets” that are important to entrepreneurial success. My own research has identified five such mindsets: the opportunity recognizing mind, the designing mind, the risk managing mind, the resilient mind, and the effectuating mind.

    The opportunity recognizing mind is cultivated by identifying “pain points” in industry-specific value chains. Expert entrepreneurs rapidly go from spotting a pain point to analyzing the size of the market opportunity. Aspiring entrepreneurs, in contrast, are more likely to extrapolate from limited experience, and they tend to neglect analyzing the SIZE of the opportunity.

    The designing mind has learned how to create repeatable production processes that consistently create valuable output for an identified market. In fact, one of the main differentiators between entrepreneurship and small business is the entrepreneur designs and develops of production processes that do not require his or her constant attention. Small business owners generally enjoy working in their business. Entrepreneurs prefer the design approach of working on their business.

    Risk management is a too-often overlooked element of entrepreneurial expertise. A common belief is that entrepreneurs are risk takers. In reality, entrepreneurs have learned to be highly effective risk minimizers. Where others see intolerable risk, the expert entrepreneur has learned to reduce the risk to an acceptable level. For example, expert entrepreneurs operate according to the “principle of affordable loss” when launching a new venture. They don’t risk more than they can afford to lose.

    The resilient mind is simply the ability to bounce back from the inevitable failures and setbacks that all entrepreneurs encounter. Expert entrepreneurs have learned to distinguish their business failures from personal failure. Without question they still experience disappointment and frustration, but they don’t turn their negative emotions inward. They view their business experiences objectively, and they strive to learn as much or more from their failures than they do from their successes.

    Finally, the effectuating mind is simply the ability realistically to assess one’s talents, situation, and prospects. Any particular entrepreneurial opportunity could be pursued by anyone, but not everyone can pursue each opportunity. Some people simply will be better prepared to capitalize on an opportunity than others. This may be due to their life history, family circumstances, genetic gifts, or other factors. Expert entrepreneurs have learned honestly to assess their own unique talents and to leverage them in pursuit of opportunity. They do not care that others may be better suited to pursue other, potentially more lucrative, opportunities.

    The five mindsets entrepreneurial expertise are targets for lifelong learning and development. No matter your current level of expertise in any of these mindsets it is likely that you have room for improvement. If you deliberately practice and develop skills in these specific mindsets over time, the chances for your entrepreneurial success inexorably will improve.

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    Source by Dr. Thomas Duening

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  • Lip Biting Habit – The Psychology Behind Our Habits

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    Lip Biting from this articles perspective is the constant chewing on the skin inside your mouth, often referred to as cheek biting or cheek chewing. This is a repulsive habit and like many habits can be very difficult to stop. This habit likely started out from feelings of stress or anxiety. It might also have started if you had a teeth brace and the metal would catch on the skin of your inner cheek and would tear a thin layer of skin off, not doing any real harm. However, this would mean you would roll your tongue over the lose skin and then want to bite it off. You use your fingers to push the skin towards your teeth and bite the excess skin away. Quite oddly, this is actually quite pleasurable and so you continue to bite more skin away.

    Whether you are lip biting due to stress, anxiety or just perceived pleasure, you have created a relationship between the thought you are having and the action you take. You see, the mind and body are linked. The mind affects the body and the body affects the mind. If there is an outer situation that you feel to be dangerous or painful, your subconscious mind will trigger an emotional response. Your body will naturally tense up and then you will feel even worse. These automatic reactions and trigger responses are programmed from a very early age, perhaps when you were learning to walk and you kept falling over. You hurt yourself when you fell over and so you felt pain. This then created a relationship and neural-pathway in the mind.

    Neural-pathways are elongated neurons in the brain that connect one side of the nervous system to the other. Basically they are created when we perform a task. The neural pathway gets stronger when we repeat the action. We perform a task for the first one or few times using our conscious mind (present thought mind) and then as we repeat it goes in our subconscious mind (auto-pilot mind). The action has become familiar and the subconscious mind takes over and acts on auto-pilot. The subconscious mind is where our habits are stored.

    There is a relationship between the feeling of stress or anxiety, and the action you take when lip biting. This relationship is known as Pavlovian Conditioning. This was discovered and named after Ivan Pavlov, a famous Russian physiologist He would ring a bell at the exact time he would feed his dogs. Then after a while he would ring the bell and the dogs would come running salivating. This proves the relationship in the mind of an outside situation can affect the mind and can then affect the body’s reaction to that situation. This same concept is why when you feel stressed, you automatically start lip biting without you even knowing it. It is embedded in your subconscious.

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    Source by Dave Kennedi

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  • Irrational Use of Medicines – A Threat to Patient Community

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    More than 50% all medicines worldwide are prescribed,dispensed or sold inappropriately. 50% of patients

    fail to take them correctly. Conversely, about one-third of the world population lacks access to essential medicines. Treatment with medicines is one of the most cost-effective medical interventions known and the proportion of national health budget spent on medicines ranges between 10% and 20% in developed countries and between 20 and 40% in developing countries. Thus, it is extremely serious that so much medicine is being used in an inappropriate and irrational way.

    Irrational use

    Common types of irrational use of medicine are:

    1. The use of too many medicines per patient

    2. Inappropriate use of antibiotics, often in inadequate dosage, for viral infections

    3. Over-use of injections when oral formulations would be more appropriate;

    4. Failure to prescribe in accordance with clinical guidelines;

    5. Inappropriate self-medication, often of prescription-only medicines.

    Poor communication between professionals and consumers

    Communication between professionals and consumers is fundamental to the improvement of rational use of medicines by consumers. Professionals should provide the following information to the consumers: the name of the medicine, the purpose for which the medicine is being taken, dose, frequency of use, and duration of use. The prescribed and dispensed medicines should also be properly labeled indicating the above information. The shortage of qualified health personnel in public health facilities has resulted in inadequate labeling of medications , and in insufficient time spent by them to inform the consumers on how to take the medicine. Also important are the possible drug and food interactions that might occur after taking the medicines. In cases of medicines for chronic diseases such as anti cancer drugs, the adverse effects such as memory loss, depression and many others should be explained to the consumer.

    All this communication requires adequate time between the professionals and consumers which is not always available due to the enormous workload of the health professionals in the developing countries. The situations has been made worse by the increase in the spread of HIV/AIDS and the attendant treatment issues which have placed further burden on both the health professionals and consumers.

    The influence of the company towards prescribing its product specially when new product introduced into the market. A study conducted by German Government on new medicines showed that 300000 doctors were prescribing a new type of insulin (analogue insulin) which has no added advantage over existing insulin. As a result of this finding the German Ministry of health decided to exclude new drugs form the list of medications paid for the national health insurance system as long as they are more expensive than existing approved drugs. This is an important step into the right direction but many of such types of steps taken in future to protect patients from this serious and widespread public health problem

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    Source by Imran Asif

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  • Three Little Known Facts About Shabby Chic Style

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    Shabby chic is an interior design style that incorporates worn, antique furniture and vintage accessories to create a design that is both elegant and popular. Items are chosen for their worn appearance and are often heavily painted throughout the years, with many layers showing through. Fabrics are usually cotton or linen, also showing wear and tear. Neutral colors, and often soft pastels such as pink, blue, and green are the trademark of this unique style.

    History

    Although the shabby chic style has become very popular over the last 35 years, its roots actually began in the early 1900’s when in Great Britain, many large, stately country homes and their contents were left to fade and age due to financial difficulties of the home owners. It wasn’t until the 1980’s, however, that this popular style got its name. During this time, many people had a desire to express how much class and taste they had. By incorporating the ‘chic’ interior style into their homes, they were able to boast classically vintage furniture that had a history.

    Fact: Not As Old As You Think

    Shabby chic furniture is not always old or antique. Many new pieces are distressed (made to look old) to give them a vintage, antique look. By applying white glaze and paint, and then scrubbing and sanding the top layers, especially around the edges, furniture can be transformed from something new and modern to something shabby chic. In addition to transforming new furniture, many people buy used furniture at thrift stores and garage sales to create beautiful shabby chic furnishings for their homes. The style is all about simple elegance and incorporating a variety of pieces to create a look that is unique.

    Versatility

    One of the best things about decorating your home in the shabby chic style is it does not have to be expensive. It is very easy to mix and match several different pieces to create a fresh look for your home without spending a lot of money. Because it is so versatile, it works well in almost every room of your home, including the kitchen and bathroom. From vintage armoires, to a dining table and chairs, the shabby chic style of decorating adds elegance to your home that is inexpensive and attractive.

    The shabby chic style of interior decorating is here to stay for quite some time. Trends show that the style has increased in popularity over the last 35 years, and continues to do so. Whether it is a single piece of furniture, an entire room, or a house-wide theme, the shabby interior design style with its deeply rooted history, will surely make a statement in your home.

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    Source by Kevin P Webster

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  • Improve Dental Health by Eating the Right Foods

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    How are Tooth Cavities Caused?

    Eating right can help prevent the two most common dental problems that people typically struggle with: Cavities and gum disease. Tooth decay (that eventually leads to cavities) is caused by accumulation of bacteria in the mouth. This bacteria comes from the food you eat and acts on the sugars contained in food (this is why sugary foods are not good for teeth).

    The acid produced slowly eats away at your tooth enamel and then the internal part of the tooth called the dentine. Finally, over a time, the tooth gets ‘eaten away’ by acid and chips off, leaving behind a hole or cavity. Cavities are often hotbeds for bacterial infection and can lead to severe tooth ache.

    Moreover, bacteria from the mouth may enter your body through the saliva or the bloodstream leading to other health problems.

    What is the Relationship between Food and Dental Health?

    A balanced diet gives the body the right amount of nutrients. Nutrients help the body revitalize its immune system and this in turn boosts resistance to dental diseases.

    Calcium helps build teeth and the jaw. A person who eats a diet poor in calcium is more likely to develop dental problems. To help the body absorb the calcium, the diet should contain adequate amounts of vitamin D. Lack of vitamin D in the diet can lead to dry mouth, burning sensations and a bitter taste in the mouth.

    Iron is also necessary for nourishment of blood vessels in the mouth. Deficiency in iron may lead to ulcerated sores and inflammation of the tongue. Vitamin C also helps in absorption of iron.

    Adequate amounts of Vitamin B2, B12 (riboflavin)and B3 (niacin) can prevent bad breath and ulcers. So your diet should ideally contain all these nutrients. eating the right foods can stave off dental problems and reverse tooth decay.

    Which Foods are Good for Dental Health?

    The following foods are good for improving dental health:

    • Milk, yoghurt, cheese, oysters, beans – These contain calcium and phosphates that help re-mineralize teeth and also strengthen gums
    • Nuts, bran, red meat, liver – These foods contain high levels of iron
    • Pasta, spinach, chicken, fish, almonds – These are concentrated sources of vitamin B2, B12 and B3
    • Pears, sweet potatoes, red peppers, Kiwi fruit and oranges are great sources of vitamin C
    • Celery stimulates the salivary glands leading to production of saliva. Saliva dilutes concentration of bacteria. Celery also acts as a natural floss and cleans between teeth
    • Raisins are excellent sources of oleanolic acid that discourages the growth of oral bacteria
    • Onions have a strong antibacterial action due to the sulphurous compounds they produce. They are best when eaten fresh and raw.

    Which Foods are bad for Dental Health?

    It’s advisable to curb intake of the following foods:

    Carbonated Soft Drinks: Soft drinks, canned iced teas and diet colas all contain flavor enhancers. Although diet sodas contain much less sugar than their conventional counterparts, they contain tooth-enamel eroding acids, namely phosphoric acid and citric acid.

    Alcohol: Feeling dry-mouthed after last night’s party? That’s the alcohol working to dry up salivary secretions. Ensure that your mouth is protected from excessive dryness by using rehydrating rinses or simply by drinking a lot of water.

    Candy bars, lollipops and toffee bars: Any sweet that involves prolonged sucking and chewing is bad for teeth. This is not just related to the sugar content (although that’s bad too). The longer the sugar stays in the mouth, the worse it is for your teeth – the bacteria get to metabolize the sugars for a longer time.

    Summary

    To put it in a nutshell, take care to avoid acidic and sweet foods. If you want to drink orange or grape juice, suck it through a straw and swallow it straight down the throat. Swishing it around the mouth is more likely to give your teeth an unwanted acid bath.

    As a precaution, rinse your mouth with clean water after drinking or eating sugary or acidic foods. This helps get rid of the acid deposit on the teeth and prevents tooth decay.

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    Source by Nirupama N Raghavan

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  • Rare American Coins and 1840-1873 Liberty Seated Silver Dollars

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    The Liberty Seated series silver dollar is impossible to complete in MS condition because of very small mintages and low survival rates. The series started as a slight variation of Christian Gobrecht’s original obverse design. The original Gobrecht soaring eagle reverse was replaced by a modified Heralding Eagle design by John Reich, first used on coins in 1807.

    Robert Ball Hughes modified Gobrecht’s original obverse creation in the “name of decency”. He chopped some of her rock seat away, made the liberty lettering on her shield more legible, and added more folds to her left sleeve. He also added 13 stars to the obverse rather that placing them on the reverse.

    It was minted initially in Philadelphia, then in New Orleans in 1846. Liberty Seated was the last silver dollar minted before the Coinage Act of 1873. The Coinage Act of 1873 stopped the production of silver dollars for domestic use, and initiated the use of silver Trade Dollars for foreign commerce.

    The Coinage Act also ended private citizen being able to have their personal silver or gold minted into legal tender. The main source of silver prior to 1870 was from private citizens, and not much silver was normally brought in for minting.

    By 1859, there was now a much better supply of silver from the Comstock Lode, therefore output of Liberty Seated dollars increased at the end of the series in 1871 and 1872. The Trade Dollar filled the gap between the Liberty Seated and the Morgan silver dollar.

    The total production of all Liberty Seated dollar business strike is 6,487,747. The Philadelphia Mint produced 5,465,463 of these coins. In fact during 1871 and 1872, the Philadelphia mint struck a total of 2,179,300 coins, making them the most “common” in the series.

    In 1851 and 1852 the Philadelphia Mint produced a total of only 2,400 coins. The branch mints only struck Liberty Seated silver dollars for four years each, early in production in New Orleans, and late in production in San Francisco and Carson City.

    The New Orleans mint struck a total of only 875,000 of these dollars. The New Orleans pieces have by far the highest mint state survival rates of the entire series due to the 1962-64 US Treasury release.

    It is believed that between one and three mint-sealed bags of 1,000 fresh 1859-O and 1860-O dollars were found among the bags of Morgan and Peace silver dollars sold to the public during the 1960’s.

    The 1870-S Seated dollar mintage is unknown. Estimates range anywhere from 25-300 pieces. Today’s confirmed population is just a dozen specimens. In fact, the best known specimen 1870-S is MS-62. 1870-S is considered the king of the Liberty Seated series.

    1866 was the first year American coins started to add the inscription “IN GOD WE TRUST”. This date is actually more common in MS condition than many prior dates.

    The Carson City mint produced a total of only 18,584 Liberty Seated dollars during its four years of production. The 1870-CC accounts for 63% of the total mintage, making it the most “common” of the Carson City produced in this silver dollar series. A “few” MS examples have turned up.

    The 1873-CC is the second rarest date to the 1870-S with a total mintage of 2300, and a single MS-64 found. Because this series contains so many “stoppers” and is much more expensive to acquire than the Morgan or Peace series, the Liberty Seated series unfortunately hasn’t had much collector interest.

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    Source by Paul St. Julien

    Views: 0

  • Lower Your High Blood Pressure Naturally: 10 Hypertension Secrets Your Doctor Won’t Tell You

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    When you were diagnosed with high blood pressure you were almost certainly advised to lose weight, take more exercise and to improve your diet. That sagely advice was most likely coupled with a prescription for synthetic anti-hypertension medication. Over recent years, research has shown that some natural treatments are just as effective as prescription medicine. This begs the question: Is there something doctors are not telling us?

    The truth is that there is a great deal we are not being told about how our condition can be treated. That is due in part to:

    • the way doctors are trained;
    • the reliance of medical services on pharmaceutical products; and
    • a general lack of understanding of natural remedies.

    The irony is that the pharmaceutical companies develop products that mimic the effects of these natural hypertension remedies.

    The 10 Hypertension Secrets Your Doctor Won’t Tell You

    Secret #1: Hypertension is not a disease.It is in fact a vital sign telling you that there is something wrong inside your body that is elevating your blood pressure.

    Secret #2: The only way to “cure” your condition is by dealing with the underlying cause or causes. Your doctor prescribes medication to manage your condition because he or she does not have the time to investigate every possible cause.

    Secret #3: In many cases, lifestyle factors contribute to or even cause our condition. We do not need medication to improve our lifestyle choices.

    Secret #4:The medications prescribed by your doctor only treat the symptom, not the problem.

    Secret #5: Adopt and follow the principles contained in the Dietary Advice to Stop Hypertension (the DASH diet). There is reliable evidence that this advice, if strictly followed can lower your BP readings to within normal levels in as little as three weeks. Even if it takes longer, the evidence suggests that the diet makes the medication you are taking more effective, resulting in a lower dosage being required.

    Secret #6: Eat three or four cloves of fresh garlic a day or take a good quality supplement.Our blood pressure rises as our body increases production of the angiotensin converting enzyme (ACE). Garlic contains a natural ACE inhibitor. This, combined with the high amounts of allicin found in garlic give it its ability to dilate arteries, thereby lowering our blood pressure.If ACE inhibitors sound familiar to you it is because synthetic versions are often prescribed to manage your condition.

    Secret #7: Keep properly hydrated.The general advice is that our bodies need two litres of water a day to maintain health. You can substitute fresh home-made juices, such as beetroot, carrot, celery or cranberry for part of this daily requirement as these are known to lower blood pressure.

    Secret #8: Replace your caffeinated drinks with green tea. For people with our condition, having caffeinated drinks is like throwing gasoline onto a fire. Green tea is low in caffeine and is loaded with antioxidants that have been shown to reduce hypertension.

    Secret #9: Drink an infusion made from extract of hawthorn each day. Hawthorn is another powerful natural ACE inhibitor. It is also a mild diuretic that lowers blood volume. Synthetic diuretics are another medication commonly prescribed to manage your condition. Sometimes they are used in combination with other medications such as ACE inhibitors.

    Secret #10: Relieve stress. It is well-known that stress can cause hypertension. Try some deep breathing exercises, reading a book, or listening to tranquil music. Practicing meditation or deep relaxation are also effective ways of eliminating physical and mental stress, thereby reducing hypertension.

    Now you know these 10 hypertension secrets your doctor has not told you, you can review how your condition is being treated. Lowering your high blood pressure to normal levels naturally is not only possible, it is not difficult.

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    Source by Robert Reddin

    Views: 0

  • What Is a Relationship Mission Statement

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    RELATIONSHIP VISION

    Aligning values in relationships is a good thing to do intentionally. Think about how most people go through relationships. Does one person give up important values for the other? Is there conflict in the relationship? These things usually happen when values and beliefs aren’t talked about and don’t align with each other. Most conflicts in any relationship is due to differing values or beliefs. After all if we all agreed on what is most important there would be no need to argue. A Relationship Mission Statement can help!

    WE ALL COME FROM DIFFERENT BACKGROUNDS

    Think about how you grew up, your environment, money, food, school and so many other things. Did you partner grow up the same? Did your parents teach you different lessons regarding TV, meals, religion, or friends then you partner? We all bring expectations into our relationships but most likely they aren’t the same for each of us. So why do we think things are supposed to magically work out without talking about it, creating goals, or aligning values. Eventually if the bumps can’t be smoothed out then couples tend to search for someone like me. This is not a bad thing, seeing a professional can be incredibly helpful and restore the peace and longevity of your relationship.

    CHECKING IN WITH YOUR PARTNER

    For now let me provide you a simple way to check in with each other, communicate, and look at the future. Creating a Relationship Vision is a simple and helpful tool. It doesn’t take much time and can really target the lasting happiness of your relationship.

    A few steps to creating a Relationship Vision Sit down by yourself for about 30 minutes. Remember it doesn’t have to be done in one day.

    SIMPLE STEPS TO FOLLOW

    1. Go for the positive

    When brainstorming phrase things in a positive manner. For example instead of saying “we don’t argue” say “we will settle things calmly and peacefully” or “we trust each other” instead of “we won’t be jealous”.

    2. Write down your non-negotiables and desires

    Write down your “must-haves” such as “we will parent together” or “exercise is important” or “we will communicate openly and respect each other’s perspective”. You could also write things like, “going outside of our union is non negotiable”, “monogamy is of the utmost importance “, “attending church is a priority”, “traveling and experiencing the world with my partner is a high priority.” Make sure it’s not a laundry list for your partner, i.e. he mows the lawn and she does the laundry.

    3. Explore several areas of a relationship

    Since we have a multifaceted life it is important to address as many of these as you feel necessary. Expressing wants, desires, and values with sex, finances, lifestyle, parenting, career in-laws, leisure time and education are just a few of the things you may want to consider in You Relationship Vision. Answer questions about these topics such as what do I enjoy in my free time? How important are finances? Do I want to work full time? Do I need a 401k? What about insurance? Does my job need to provide this? What percentage or amount of time do we spend with in-laws? How do we allow them to interact with the children? Is sex satisfying? Do we want to explore new sexual ideals? Do the answers align with my values?

    4. Come together

    Come together as a couple and discuss the things you agree on first. Then Discuss what is negotiable and create short sentences expressing what is important to both of you. Leave the things that you don’t agree on for last. See if you can compromise on these issues if not this is where someone like me comes in. Having a professional help couples work through the hard stuff is helpful and will benefit your relationship for a lifetime.

    5. Come up with your statement.

    It doesn’t have to be long, complicated or directive. As a matter of practicality it’s better to make it succinct, covering the overarching theme of your intentions for your relationship.

    Examples

    We are co-creators of our lives, sharing a desire to love and be loved unconditionally, by consciously determining our behaviors and the outcomes we wish for ourselves and our family. We value respect, trust, non-judgment and self-control. We bring our best selves to this union, casting out destructive, egocentric motivations so that we may achieve the most positive and loving lifestyle we are capable of.

    We agree to always love and cherish each other and recognize how fortunate we both are; each of us consider ourselves the ‘lucky one.’ We build a healthy lifestyle together, where we support each other in getting exercise, eating well, having fun, resting and relaxing. We make all important decisions together, as a team. We don’t keep secrets from each other. We confide in each other and feel safe in each other’s care.

    We’re together to build a loving family and teach our children about healthy relationships. We create a sense of stability by having some routine but also make time for fun and spontaneity. We don’t intentionally hurt each other, but recognize we still do – and so we quickly and readily apologize. We take care of each other.

    6. Schedule a time

    Weekly, monthly, quarterly or whatever works for you, but make sure you come together to gauge if you are on track. This is the best way to ensure you both get your needs met and can address it if you’ve gotten off track. This will also provide space for growth. Since nothing in life stays the same, people, situations, events, or relationships, this provides room to renegotiate, change your Relationship Vision as the both of you change.

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    Source by Roxanna Teeling

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  • Can A Spouse Have An Emotion-Based Revenge Affair And Not Realize It?

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    I get a decent amount of correspondence about revenge after an affair. Sometimes, the faithful spouse wants to (or is considering) doing something to get revenge. Other times, they are feeling the urge to want revenge but they are trying desperately to resist that urge because they know that it is not really going to help anything.

    Other times, I hear from the cheating spouse who is scared of revenge or who thinks that they might be seeing vengeful behavior (even if their spouse denies this.) Here is an example. A husband might say: “I really can not effectively tell you how sorry I am that I cheated on my wife. I really don’t know what I was thinking. And in fact I probably wasn’t thinking clearly at all. I believe that my children are the only reason that my wife did not leave me. But although she’s still here, at times she looks at me with pure hatred. Her opinion of me has obviously changed. Where she used to respect me, now she acts as if I have low morals and am just a jerk. She doesn’t really listen when I talk and half the time she rolls her eyes at me and doesn’t even try to engage me with conversation. For the past three weeks, she has been spending a lot of time with a male coworker. I didn’t say anything at first because she gets mad at me so easily. Plus I thought it would hypocritical of me to insinuate that I don’t want her to have male friends when I am the one who had an affair. But last night we were spending time with our kids and the guy called. So I lost patience and asked her about it. She said that it was her job to train the guy at work and that they had become ‘close.’ She says he makes her laugh and feel good in a way she hasn’t for a long time. I got flustered and asked her if she thought that the relationship had crossed a line and had become an emotional affair. She got very angry. She said that the last thing she would do is start up an affair considering how my affair pretty much ruined our lives. She said that she was not that stupid. But now I’m wondering if perhaps she’s started an emotional affair for revenge without even knowing it. Is that possible?”

    Anything is possible. As a spouse who has been cheated on, I can tell you that there is a vulnerability there. Being cheated on makes you doubt yourself. It makes you wonder if anyone will ever find you attractive again. It makes you wonder if everyone is going to see you as damaged. So when a man show interest in you, allows you to confide in him, and boosts your confidence, this can feel like a relief. It can feel as if it’s just what the doctor ordered. And if your spouse gets jealous and insecure, well, perhaps he deserves it.

    At the same time, I am only speaking for myself when I say that although I would have welcomed any attention, I would have never made my situation worse by actually cheating. Our family life was so broken at the time that there was no way that I was going to add to my problems by adding another infidelity into the mix. I was not in any state to be in any sort of romantic relationship.

    I’m not saying that this is how your wife feels. I can’t possibly know that. However, I also can tell you that plenty of women have men friends at work, with there being nothing inappropriate about it. Adults are capable of having friends of the opposite sex without cheating. So your wife having a relationship with a male coworker doesn’t necessarily mean that you have anything to worry about.

    Rather than accuse your wife of something that might not be true and making her feel defensive, I would place my focus on your marriage and your relationship with her rather than placing your focus on her relationship with him. Because if you can work through the issues and strengthen your marriage, then you will have more confidence that you have nothing to worry about. And your wife won’t have the need to get her emotional needs met elsewhere.

    She may not even be consciously trying to do anything inappropriate. She may just be finding relief in having someone to interact with. And it may be nothing to worry about. But, if it gives you a bad feeling, there is nothing wrong with trying to bump up your attempts to improve your marriage and to strengthen your intimacy as quickly as you can. The sooner she is getting her emotional needs met by you, the sooner she will no longer need to get it from someone else, assuming that’s what is happening right now. That said, it’s possible that you are very sensitive about something that is innocent due to the affair.

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    Source by Katie Lersch

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