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Smart Bill Paying Tips for Online Families
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Back in the analog days before personal computers, the internet and smartphones, paying monthly bills was an event! Bills arrived in the mail and were collected in a specific location and saved for that special day each month when they were paid. The bills were reviewed to make sure all expected items had arrived and each check was written out with a corresponding entry added to the (paper) check register. It was a manual exercise requiring good organization, basic math skills and the concentration to ensure the accounting was properly logged. Mailing out the checks and tracking them in the register wasn’t the end of the process – it was imperative to scrutinize the monthly bank statement and balance the checkbook to ensure that there were no math errors, the checks hadn’t gotten lost in the mail, they were actually cashed by the creditor and correctly credited to the account. Because there was always a lag between the bills coming due and the bank statement arriving, sometimes it was difficult to avoid unpleasantness such as the power or telephone company threatening to turn off service due to a clerical error or post office delay.

Since that time, things have changed dramatically. First was the introduction of financial software that could help with monthly budgeting and bill-paying. Computerization increased organization and cut down math errors, making it easier to keep control of monthly obligations. Today’s consumer has a wealth of tools at their disposal to pay bills, track accounts and keep their personal finances organized. Instead of a shoebox full of paper and a checkbook, bills can be paid with a computer or smartphone connected to the internet. Payments made using either a checking account or credit card can be monitored almost in real-time. Even the role of the post office has diminished considerably because of changes in the bill-paying process. Many people utilize automatic bill payment options that are available directly from vendors such as the phone company or insurance company, as well as from many banks. Consumers may still have a checkbook in their possession, but most of the time it gathers dust on a shelf or in a drawer while bills are paid in a variety of other ways.

Automatic bill payments are the most convenient of all, with options to pay each vendor directly from a bank account or credit card. Auto-pay is great for convenience and flexibility, but the responsibility still falls to each consumer to ensure the process works as expected and to maintain control of their finances. What are some things to be aware of with auto-bill pay and what are some tips for keeping control of your budget while still taking advantage of the automation available?
- Choose the payment method that works for you: Many people find it more convenient to set up their auto-pay on a credit card instead of having the money deducted instantly from their checking accounts. That way, monthly bills appear together in 1 place, and there is less worry about cash flow during the month. And with credit card accounts accessible online, the balance can be monitored as needed. Many credit cards can offer consumer benefits such as frequent flyer miles, free merchandise and other perks. Using a credit card as the payment method is great for organization, but be careful!! Accruing charges on a credit card makes it easy to exceed your budget and get into trouble at the end of the month. Only use this method if you are prepared to pay off the balance on your credit card each month to avoid paying high finance charges on your fixed monthly expenses. If you’re on a very tight budget or have trouble limiting credit card spending, paying bills directly from your checking account is a better solution.
- Be prepared for changes: When using a credit card to pay most monthly bills, if your credit card is stolen or hacked, or when it expires and a new card is issued, be aware that any auto-payments you set up using that card will no longer process. Keep a list of accounts that use auto-pay, including which credit card is used as the payment method for each account. This way, you can quickly update them all when a new credit card is received. If you’re tempted to just check your most recent statement instead of keeping a list, remember – some bills come monthly, others are quarterly and still others are annual so they won’t all appear on your most recent statement. Keeping a list is most efficient way to easily update all applicable accounts.
- Stay involved in the process: Many banks help in the process and provide alerts when an expected bill arrives or does not arrive when scheduled – bill payment is a great feature of online banking and can help you stay on top of your obligations! Make time to review the bills each month to make sure there aren’t any unforeseen or erroneous charges; especially if you are on a tight budget and paying directly from your bank account. Unanticipated charges that are automatically deducted from your account can cause unexpected drops in your bank balance.
- Be smart when it comes to cash management: If possible, don’t set up auto-pay on bills that can vary greatly from month to month, such as credit card bills. And always avoid paying off the balance of one credit card by adding it to the balance of another.
- Keep your credit rating in good standing: Due dates for items such as credit cards, health insurance, mortgage and auto payments are typically due on the same day each month, making it easy to ensure that auto-pay bills arrive on time. However, the due date on some bills may vary. Be sure the payment date that you set up for each bill allows sufficient time for the creditor to process the payment in order to avoid late charges. Similarly, if using your bank’s bill-paying service, for some vendors there is a lag between the date paid and the date received – make sure you allow sufficient time to stave off late fees and avoid bad credit.
The most important concept to remember is that even though paying bills has become extremely convenient and paper cuts are much less common these days in the bill-paying process, you are still ultimately responsible for your finances, your bills and your credit rating. Monitor closely, take advantage of the online tools available from your bank and your creditors to help you keep track of your finances and remember to dust off that checkbook once in a while! Regardless of the method you choose for paying bills, it is highly recommended that you keep a current register of all checks and debits, making a deduction for each item immediately (as soon as you have issued or authorized an item for payment), including any associated fees. This will allow you to have an accurate, up-to-the-minute checking account balance from which to work. This will also help prevent incidences of insufficient funds and their associated fees. Accurate and timely account records never go out of style!

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Source by Ellen Debboli

Views: 0
February 10, 2020
Writing a Financial Plan on Your Own

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Like anything in life, you need a plan to succeed. That applies to your personal finance too. No one is completely secure financially unless you have accumulated millions of dollars and decide to live off the nest egg for the rest of your life.

Unfortunately, for most people, they are unprepared for retirement. Financial planning is crucial in reaching your goals of retiring comfortably. But having say that, how does one go about writing a financial plan without any formal education?

Below is a quick step-by-step guide to writing your own financial plan. Of course, a professional financial planner may be able to give you a more comprehensive financial plan but this will be a good step forward in understanding your needs and clearing some stumbling blocks.

1. What Are Your Objectives?

Don’t be afraid to dream – you only live once. Think about the size of the home, the education, your family, etc. Just pen these thoughts down of how you want the future to look like. Once you list down your ideals, remember to factor in mundane issues like kids education, insurance, etc.

Your goals should include:

* Education. Regardless of your age, extra education and training are needed either for a career switch or self-improvement. A lot of people are taking college courses (even with teenagers) or upgrading to an MBA to climb the corporate ladder. Even if college education is out for you, you still have to plan for your children’s college degree, unless you intend to leave them to their own devices.

* Career. What field do you desire to work in? Is it a creative job or a typical 9-5? Or do you want to be your own boss? Do you want to create multiple source of passive income?

* Lifestyle. Is work or family more important? Are you contended with “simpler living?” Do you desire a Porsche or BMW? Do you want to live in a mansion, a seafront house, etc? Do you have expensive hobbies life golf? These all cost money so tabulating the expenses and matching it to your income is necessary to achieve your lifestyle goals.

* Retirement. Don’t forget about retirement. It is a moment when you lose your income. So how do you want to live while retired? Will you downgrade your house, live with your children, or move to a retirement community?

* Insurance. Nothing is certain in life. You need to be insured for worst case scenarios. Every financial plan must have provisions for insurance.

These objectives may seem daunting but they need not be wishful thinking. The actual money set aside could be much less than you think, if effective financial planning is involved.

2. Plan Your Income

Of course, your financial plan isn’t just about your dreams. How are you going to pay for it? I assume you don’t have a sugar daddy, so you should be following a life of employment. Most people have their career path charted in this format – go to college, get a job, work hard up the ladder and retire.

There is nothing wrong race except there is high uncertainty in today’s globalized environment. People change jobs all the time due to layoffs or to seek fresh challenges.

Instead of a day job, you can consider starting a businesses or becoming a freelancer to sell your skills. Business isn’t just for those with money, MBAs or connections. You can start a home business to mange lawn care, making money online with a website or a vending machine business.

Besides becoming your own boss, you can find other income through network marketing or investing.

Investing is efficient in building side income as it is simply growing the money you already have. You can buy gold, stocks, bonds, real estate, etc.

Regardless if you are a business owner or an employee, you should not let your money sit idly under your mattress. Even putting your money into an online savings account is more profitable.

3. Writing Your Financial Plan

At its core, a financial plan is a lifelong budget. You’ll be budgeting not just your next paycheck, but for your entire life. Planning involves knowing how you’ll get there and when you’ll get there. There are no hard and fast rules.

You have to be rational enough to assess your current situation, creative enough to see what is possible, and have the integrity to follow through with the plan. Remember, just because it’s on paper doesn’t mean it will happen – you have to decide to follow through and live up to your goals.

Get started by doing the following:

* Timeline. Establish where you want to be in five years? Ten? Thirty? Fifty?

* Research necessary costs. Your current “bills” plus 5% inflation per year. Don’t forget to factor in life insurance, health insurance, car insurance, etc.

* Research luxury costs. What you “want” to do. Cruises, nice cars, nice house, etc.

* Plan income strategy. For most people, they start with salaries. But don’t forget that your job isn’t your only means of income. Starting a side business, a money making hobby, or even making money online are viable options for extra income.

* Plan Investments. Investing is simply a must to counteract against inflation. You can invest in anything. Just make sure you know what you’re doing, and don’t put all of your eggs in one basket. As you age, financial security should become more and more important.

Try to factor in every cost and possible incomes. Whenever you aren’t sure about the numbers, be conservative. Also, bear in mind that a financial plan is ALWAYS about your goals. It’s not just about the money – it’s about getting what you want out of life. Money is just the tool.

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Source by Barry Ritz

Views: 0

February 10, 2020
Distinguishing Drug Abuse From Drug Addiction
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Though “drug abuse” and “drug addiction” are often used interchangeably, in reality the terms refer to two distinct behavior patterns. An individual can abuse or misuse drugs without being inevitably addicted to them. Abuse or misuse involves the use of drugs defying the culturally acceptable standards or medically prescribed doses to attain a certain effect. The substances abused may be legal, such as alcohol or prescription drugs, or illegal, like heroin and other street drugs which have no medicinal value.

On the other hand, drug addiction, or compulsive drug use, refers to an uncontrollable desire to use a drug in spite of being aware of harmful psychological and physiological effects that they can have on the body. Addiction is often characterized by an insatiable appetite for substances by increasing the dosage, leading to a complete dependence on them.

Since abuse and addiction are two distinct concepts, their causes are unique as well. Abuse is generally considered to be more complicated but it is not necessarily triggered by any motivational factor, unlike addiction which is caused by a powerful motivational force. Therefore, in most of the cases, abuse may not always result in addiction, but addiction can certainly lead to abuse.

Impact of drug abuse and addiction on the brain

It has been observed that both drug abuse and drug addiction have similar effects on mind and body. People often view abuse and addiction as a moral weakness or character flaw. One of the common myths surrounding drug use is that quitting it is directly linked to behavioral changes. In reality, addiction is a disease which alters the brain functions, hijacking the natural motivational control circuits. Thus, quitting is simply not a matter of choice or willpower. Though, the decision to use the drug initially might be voluntary, changes in the brain structure due to repeated drug use can inhibit someone’s self-control and decision-making ability, causing intense cravings.

Experts attribute the inability to refrain from drug use to these changes in the brain. However, modern medical advancements have led to the development of an array of treatment and rehabilitation options to combat the disastrous effects of addiction and help abusers take control of their lives. Studies have shown that a combination of medications and behavioral therapy can boost the recovery process with minimal withdrawal effects.

Possible reasons leading to drug abuse and addiction

For those who are dependent on illegal substances, it can be difficult to know whether they have crossed the limit. Here are some possible reasons that can trigger drug abuse or addiction:
- Connecting socially: A strong desire driven by an urge to fit into a certain group could lead people toward drugs.
- Dealing with problems in life: Continuous drug use can get individuals accustomed to it, and soon it might become the only way to escape from problems and challenges.
- Using drugs to combat other issues: Serious concerns, such as panic attacks or chronic pain, can cause dependence on drugs, until people discover healthier alternative methods to counter such problems.
- Strong influence of any drug: Frequent use of drugs triggers dependence on them. Thus, what started as a voluntary choice may slowly transform into a physical and psychological need.
Leading a drug-free life

Many families and individuals have suffered great losses due to addiction to drugs. Fortunately, there is hope, though the battle to eliminate addiction and regain sobriety is challenging. There are numerous treatment strategies that can go a long way in helping people come out of their addiction-related problems.

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Source by Barbara Odozi

Views: 0
February 9, 2020
Mexican Marriage Traditions

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There are many different cultures around the world who institute various traditions involving weddings, with one of the most interesting taking place in Mexico. Here are five of the most popular Mexican marriage traditions and customs, some of which are still followed to this day.

WHO PAYS FOR WHAT?

Typically, when it comes to more traditional types of Mexican weddings, the father of the bride will normally be the one who covers all of the expenses for the entire ceremony. However, in most cases, members of the families of both the bride and the groom will generally come together to help pay for the cost of the ceremony. There are even some cases where members of the wedding party will join the family in helping to cover the cost of the entire ceremony as well. There are also some traditions in which the bridesmaids and groomsmen are paired together and assigned certain roles in helping to pay for the ceremony.

BRIDAL ATTIRE

Mexican brides traditionally will wear light blue slips underneath their wedding gowns, while the groomsmen will wear ties and cummerbunds that match the colors of the dresses worn by the bridesmaids. In terms of the flower girl and ring bearer, they will often been seen dressed very similarly to the bride and groom themselves.

APPROVAL OF THE FATHER

Before proposing marriage to the woman that they love, most men around the world traditionally will seek permission from the woman’s father and obtain their blessing. This is something that is actually a custom in Mexico. However, in this country, it is taken a step further, as not only does the man go to the woman’s home, but he also brings his family with him for the occasion as a sign of respect, especially if the two families have yet to actually meet. In addition, if the woman is part of an extended family, her grandfather also has a say in the situation. Once the woman’s father has given his approval for his daughter to be married, the two families will then be presented with an opportunity to discuss possible dates for the wedding to take place.

WEDDING PROCESSION

On the day of the wedding, the bride will venture to the location of the wedding, accompanied by members of her family. The groom will do the same thing as well. This custom is a way for the family to show the town that they are proud of the person who is to be getting married, whether it is their son or their daughter.

WEDDING RECEPTION

Traditionally, Mexican wedding receptions can go on for as long as they want to – even until the wee hours of the morning! Three of the most important aspects of this event are music, food, and drinks, because in Mexican culture, this is indeed supposed to be a major celebration due to the importance of marriage.

To know more about Mexican wedding traditions http://www.singlemantravel.com/mail-order-brides/latin-brides/mexican-brides/

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Source by Robert Topper

Views: 0

February 9, 2020
Why Sage Hosting Is A Real Big Thing For Tech-Savvy Accountants and CPAs
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The modern accounting world is the proof that technology accelerates every industry it touches. Whether it be data or relationship with clients, advanced accounting software is efficient enough to handle it all. Before the emergence of cloud technology, CPAs and accountants were handling their complex financial data on spreadsheets. But, it is hard for them to claim better results with spreadsheets, and that’s when the need for a reliable cloud-based accounting software come to the fore.

Sage 50 Cloud is a familiar name among tech-savvy accountants and CPAs, who prefer technology to get expected results. From small businesses to huge enterprises, entrepreneurs to individual professionals, the hosted solution has worked exceedingly well for everyone. The major reason behind the popularity of Sage hosting solutions is flexibility, which allows firms to streamline complex accounting tasks smoothly. The hosted software not only minimize the overall cost but also bring productivity into your business.

There is plenty of other accounting software in the market that has the same set of features, but Sage gains the slight edge due to its cost-efficient pricing solutions. The hosting feature of Sage is also one major factor that makes it future ready. Let’s discuss further factors that justify the name of Sage in the accounting world. In short, here are the benefits of hosting your Sage to the cloud.
1. Mobile Device Compatibility to Focus on Core Business Goals:
  
  Sage, when hosted to the cloud, ensures that you can access your data from any location at any time and with any device. You are able to achieve better results when you enjoy doing your work. The hosted application allows you to work according to your comfort zone, which means you can complete tasks more efficiently. It is not less than a perk for technology-oriented accountants to have the comfort of the place and satisfaction of AI while handling complex accounts.
2. Supreme Operations to Avail Professional Growth:
  
  The presence of cloud help businesses to think beyond accounting hassles as the hosted accounting application is versed enough to take care of it. Accountants and CPAs can strategize new ways to expand their services globally or, simply think about resources management. There are lots of other tasks that they can handle in the meantime. Dedicated server, timely software upgrades and automated integration processes are some of the features that help accounting firms to claim professional growth.
3. Updated Technology to Stay Ahead of Market Game:
  
  In today’s competitive market world, it is hard to stay at the top always but not impossible. Accounting firms can find a sustainable place for themselves only if, integrate with cloud technology. Fortunately, Sage 50 cloud is able to do that for firms. The expert of hosting provider ensures that your accounting software will upgrade to its latest version, and you don’t have to pay any upfront cost for that.
4. Excellent Support to Think About Business Productivity:
  
  You automatically say yes to the assistance of cloud vendor when your data migrated to the cloud. There are many instances in business that makes it hard to focus on core business goals. But, the same is not a case with Sage hosting as experts assist every user 24*7. Be it day or night, experts will take care of your data and assist you with sustainable solutions. Hence, it is always beneficial to have an automated accounting software in the process.
Final Words

Sage hosting offers many benefits to its users, especially to accountants and CPAs, that allow them to explore the data, market opportunities and global expansion. Most of the traditional users still consider cloud as an expensive option. But, the truth is hosted application play a bigger role in the overall transformation of the firm’s growth. Organizations who truly want to stay ahead of the accounting game should make a quick switch to the cloud as it is the only way to steer the firm’s innovation.

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Source by Tina S Smith

Views: 0
February 9, 2020
Herpes Genitalis Cure

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You’ll be glad to hear that, despite the so-called medical ‘facts’ you’ve probably heard or read, which say there is no cure for Herpes Genitalis, there is another more positive view.

There is evidence that it is possible not just to find effective natural treatment for viral infections such as Herpes & even AIDS, but even to experience a complete cure.

So far medical research has found no way to eradicate Herpes.

So if you’ve tested positive for the virus you’ve probably been told there are now drugs to treat the symptoms and shorten the length of the acute attack – but that you can never get rid of the Herpes virus altogether.

That would mean that even when you are over the first attack and you are no longer showing any symptoms the virus is still in your system and later you will probably have a flare up intermittently and need another course of treatment.

However – it seems there are other much better possibilities than those offered medically.

I certainly believe there are more effective ways to deal with the virus than you will be offered medically.

The first time I saw someone successfully use a natural health method to prevent any recurrence of Herpes Genitalis was in someone who took large amounts of Tahitian Noni Juice for natural healing and then continued to take it on a regular basis over many years – and never had a recurrence of the virus after the first proven infection.

Though she was convinced the Noni juice had saved her from further problems it is of course impossible to say whether the result was due to the Noni juice or to some other factor – such as her absolute belief in this natural treatment, for example, or perhaps some other factor in her diet or in her life – including perhaps her own healing powers that she was not at that time aware of.

In fact it is always impossible to be certain in human beings what is the cause of a cure when it does occur – whether the person used medical or natural treatment – because there are always so many other factors that could have been involved. Even when someone takes a drug and gets better for example we cannot be certain it was the drug that produced the healing – for the same reasons.

However – the point is – this girl was cured – by something – which shows that healing is possible.

Over the years I have studied and used various forms of natural healing – from diets and supplements – to energy healing, laughter therapy and mind training – in an attempt to help patients who were not getting results with medical treatment or who wanted to avoid the side-effects of various medications. And although not everyone was cured there have been many cases where the healing results have been far beyond medical possibility and medical explanation.

While still running my own medical practice for example I saw some amazing results with natural treatments. One lady was cured completely of pancreatic cancer. Another – who had been suffering severe infected psoriasis all over her body for many years – despite all medical treatments – was completely clear within a month of starting a natural treatment.

And early in 2011 I modified my own already successful natural healing techniques after learning about university laboratory studies in which a 100% cancer cure was produced in mice – using only natural healing.

You can learn about home remedies, experience free natural healing for Herpes Genitalis or learn how to do natural healing for yourself at Jersey Natural Health.com.

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Source by Dr Anne Curtis

Views: 0

February 6, 2020
Stopping Employee Theft in Your Coffee Business

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Regardless to how good of an employer you are, and even if you treat your employees well, understand that employee theft is a reality, and you need to control it. While it may only be a very small percentage of your staff that might steal from you, it can have a significant financial impact on your coffee business. If it goes unnoticed, employees will usually become even more brazen in their activities.

When it comes to theft, your employees are likely to fall into one of the following four categories:

Mr./Ms. honest – these are people who would never think of taking anything if it doesn’t belong to them. If they happen to go home with one of your ballpoint pens, they’ll bring it back the next day, and feel guilty that they took it home, even though it was unintentional.

Incidental theft – these are people that will take home your pen by accident, and will keep it. And, they may scarf a piece of cheesecake occasionally when you aren’t looking, even though they know they shouldn’t. Because these items have minimal value, they have no great sense of guilt related to their activities.

Theft because of need and opportunity – this is when you have an employee who is perhaps living on the edge financially, and because they have the need, and because your security may be lax, they’ll take advantage of an opportune situation to take something.

Compulsive theft – this is the person who is always looking for something to steal, and they have absolutely no conscience about it. They typically rationalize the theft in their own mind. They consider you to be the rich, fat cat, and feel that they are over worked and under paid, so stealing from you is justified.

Employee theft probably exists to some extent within your operation, whether you are aware of it or not. You can most likely live with incidental theft, provided it doesn’t get out of control. Theft related to need and opportunity is, in reality, your fault. These people would probably not steal from you normally, but a lack of security procedures has created the temptation and means for them to do so. Compulsive theft must be discovered, stopped, and you must eliminate the person(s) responsible.

Losing product due to theft:

Your employees may have no desire or need for a sleeve of 12oz. paper cups, Java Jackets, or a roll of toilet paper… but they might like a frozen cake, gallon of chocolate sauce, 6-pack of beer, or a bottle of wine.

There are some simple things you can do to greatly reduce the chance of being ripped-off. First, don’t allow your employees to store their jackets, backpacks, and purses near where you store products. This makes it incredibly simple for someone to slide something into their bag or jacket pocket when no one is watching. I always had my employees store their personal belongings in the cabinet under the cash register (where someone would always be watching), or in my office, under lock & and key.

Second, keep the back door of your store locked with a key at all times (you or your supervisor being the only ones having a key). If customers regularly enter through your back door, this may not be an option. If your back door is an emergency fire exit (and it probably is), you’ll need to install an alarmed breaker-bar. The whole point is that you don’t want your employees to be able to flow in and out of the back door without you knowing about it. Carrying product out the back door to their car, a hiding place for later pick-up, or an awaiting friend, is one of the most common ways products will exit your store.

Once you have made it more difficult to stash things in their personal belongings, or carry them out the back door, employees may resort to hiding items in the trashcan. Of course you will unlock the back door to let them take out the trash. If they have hidden something in the trashcan, a dumpster-diving expedition will certainly be planned for after-hours to recover their treasure.

Periodic trashcan checks should eliminate this problem, or make it a far less appealing option to anyone considering this method to smuggle things out of your store. Buy a long handle 3-prong garden rake. When employees ask to take out the trash, accompany them, and have them hold the can up on the edge of the dumpster while you rake out the trashcan contents. What you are looking for are things that might have been hidden in the trash, but you can tell your employees that you are merely making sure that small wares aren’t being accidentally thrown away. During the 15-years I owned and managed restaurants, I discovered everything from six-packs of beer, bottles of wine, and packages of steaks hidden in the trash!

Another situation that will create an ideal opportunity for employees to steal from you is having only one person working in your store. If your baker comes in each morning a hour before you or the next employee, or if one person is left to clean and lock-up the place at the end of the day, opportunities for theft abound. As the old saying goes: when the cat’s away…

Always try to have at least two people in your store at all times. If there is not justification for having a second employee on the clock, then you will need to be that second person. If this requires you going from a 60-hour workweek to 80-hours, then this may not be a tolerable option. If this is the case, then at least invest a couple of hours more each day for a week or two to do some detective work.

During those times of day when only one employee is working, park at the far end of the parking lot, or across the street, so that you will reduce the chance of being noticed by your employee. If they are familiar with your vehicle, use your spouse’s or friend’s vehicle for a few days. Watch carefully (with binoculars if necessary). I know this all sounds a little CSI – like, but better to rest-easy, feeling fairly assured that your employee isn’t carrying away your store when you’re not watching. If I had the time, I could tell you countless stories of my experiences in catching employees red handed, loading the trunks of their cars.

If you suspect that theft of product might be occurring, but you’ve seen no direct evidence of it, then conducting a daily key item inventory may shed some light on the situation. Write down a list of 15 to 20 products that you think would be most appealing for someone to steal. In your coffee business, this might include items such as coffee, syrups and sauces, smoothie puree, biscotti, cookies, and desserts, sandwich meats & cheeses, and of course beer & wine (if you serve those from your operation). Then take an inventory of these items every day. Your employees don’t need to know what you are doing, and if they ask, simply tell them you are taking an inventory for ordering purposes.

What you are looking for are anomalies in usage. For example, let’s say that from your daily inventories you assess that you use about half a gallon of chocolate sauce per day. Then, one day you notice you used 1 1/2 gallons of chocolate the previous day. This should send up a red flag! Why did you go through an extra gallon of chocolate? Were you significantly busier yesterday, or did you featuring several drink specials which contained chocolate sauce? A quick review of individual item sales from yesterday’s cash register report should provide you with the answer. If you average one ounce of chocolate per beverage, then using 1 1/2 gallons means you should have sold approximately 192 beverages containing chocolate (128 oz. per gal. x 1.5 = 192). If this was the case, no problem. But, if you discover that you only sold 64 beverages containing chocolate, then 128 oz. (or 1 gallon) is unaccounted for and missing! A good indication that it probably walked out the door. If this happens, keep track of who was working on the day of the shortage. If this happens continually, eventually you will discover that the same person or persons were working every time.

Theft of money by employees:

Hopefully, none of your employees will have the desire to steal products from you, but some will be tempted by the lure of cold, hard, cash. Everyone could use an extra $20 a day. Employees who steal money from you will definitely hurt your bottom line, and must be eliminated.

The first way to reduce cash theft is to have a cash handling policy in place that will discourage theft. If multiple employees are using the cash register, and no one person is responsible, then I can almost guarantee that your cash drawer will keep coming up short on a regular basis. The fact that no one person can be held responsible for the shortages, will make grabbing a bill or two easy and appealing.

Implement a policy that one, and only one person is responsible for the cash register for the entire shift. They should count the drawer at the beginning of their shift to verify that they are starting with the designated change bank. Then, they should be the only person to ring up sales and make change. Even you, the owner/manger, should keep your hands out of their cash drawer. Finally, at the end of their shift, they should set aside the amount they started with in the change drawer, and total all the remaining cash, checks, and charges, and balance against what was rung up on the register. If they started with the right amount of money in the cash drawer, rang everything up, took all the money, counted back all the change, and they end up short… who’s fault is it? It can only be theirs. By implementing this simple policy, I once took an operation that was coming up $100 a day ($3,000 a month) cash short, and reduced it to $3 a day, in just 30 days! That’s over a $2,900 bottom line improvement, (in case you didn’t do the math)!

The other common method that a cashier might use to steal money from you is by using a method called, building a bank. This is the process of not ringing up items on the cash register, while still taking money from the customers, and then pocketing that money. Typically, they will obscure the view of the cash register display on the customer’s side with something like a flower, retail merchandise, or by turning the display so that it cannot be easily seen. Then, they will pretend to ring up an item, but will hit the no sale key instead, popping the drawer open so they can take the cash and make change, but in reality, they haven’t rung up anything. The other thing they might do when it is busy is to just not shut the drawer between transactions. They simply convey verbally the cost of items ordered by customers and take the cash, but once again, nothing has been rung up.

A cash register that prints out the order on a remote receipt printer to the person who will be preparing the item, can eliminate this problem. Quite simply, if the item isn’t rung-up, it won’t print out. If your barista or cook won’t prepare anything without a receipt (and they shouldn’t!), it will force your cashier to ring everything up.

If you observe that the cash register’s display has been blocked from the customer’s view, or there are an excessive number of no sale indications on your cash register’s detail tape, or notice that your cashier is not shutting the drawer between transactions, beware! While these may not be indisputable proof that your cashier is stealing from you, they should certainly heighten your vigilance to find out if something is going on.

If your coffee business only warrants having one employee working at a time, perhaps because you own a cart, kiosk, or low volume drive-through operation, then how do you go about keeping your employee from building a bank and stealing from you? The best solution I’ve seen is to turn your customers in to watchdogs. Affix a sign to the front of your cash register, in plain sight of the customer, that reads: If you don’t receive a receipt with your order, it’s FREE! This will force your cashier to hand each customer a receipt for their purchase. If they are building a bank, this means they will have to hand the customer a receipt that says – NO SALE; something they probably won’t fell comfortable doing!

The financial impact of theft of money can be extremely damaging, for example: Let’s say you have a cashier who is skimming off $20 a day by not ringing things up, and then pocketing the money. Not only did you loose the stolen $20, but the $7 of ingredients that were probably used to produce the ordered products; ($20 x 35% ingredient cost = $7.00). So in reality, you lost $27, and it will take an additional $41.54 in sales, to recover this loss; ($41.54 x 65% gross profit = $27). $27 a day lost to theft, X 21 days worked by the employee = $567 lost cash & product per month; $872 extra sales required to offset this loss. (Annual loss, $6,804; $10,468 in additional income required to offset loss.) You must stop theft of money!

Theft of money management:

If you have a manger running your operation for you, this can really create an opportunity for cash theft. Just about anyone who has ever run a food service operation (self included), probably felt that they were over-worked and under-paid. Some are tempted to grant themselves an unapproved raise. Your manger has the control key to the cash register, which means they have the ability to back off items that were sold. You would be wise to check your cash register detail tapes on a regular basis. If you see multiple items backed off in groups, or more worrisome yet, all backed off at the very end of the shift, beware!

A good way to keep this from happening is to establish a policy that no over-rings are to be backed off of sales on the cash register with the management control key. Instead, when the cashier makes an over-ring, they should take the receipt, write over-ring on it, sign it, and put it in the cash drawer. At the end of the shift, the total of all over-rings should be manually backed off of the sales total indicated on the cash register report.

Many years ago I had a manager that was stealing money from me in another creative way. This manager, who opened the store each day, would reset the cash register by Z-ing it out after the first half hour of business. He would then pocket the proceeds earned during that first half hour. Because additional sales were generated during the second half hour, the cash register hourly sales report would always show sales for the first hour of operation, thus eliminating any suspicion that something might be going on.

It wasn’t until I was doing a routine audit of cash register Z tapes that I noticed something wasn’t right. When you run a Z report, which resets the cash register at the end of each day, a multi-digit number will usually be printed somewhere on that tape. The next time you Z the register, that number will advance by one digit. I noticed that even though the tapes were sequential in date, every other number was missing. This tipped me off that the register was being Z-ed twice a day! When I confronted my manager with the tapes, his look of panic spoke volumes.

If you are doubting the honesty of any of your employees or managers, one way you can verify or eliminate your suspicion is by baiting the cash drawer. Slip an extra $20 bill in the drawer sometime during the day when they aren’t watching. If they don’t end up reporting at the end of their shift that they were $20 cash-over, I’ll do it a second time (just to make sure). If they don’t report it a second time, you should have no doubts that they are indeed, dishonest.

NEVER accuse an employee or manger of stealing unless you catch them red-handed (actually stuffing money into their pockets). Even though the circumstantial evidence may be overwhelming, unless you actually catch them in the act, they are likely to deny your accusations, and will probably file a complaint against you with the department of labor! The brief moment of satisfaction you will gain from letting them know you are aware of what they’ve been doing, will be quickly overwhelmed by the legal predicament you will find yourself in. You will be far better off to not make accusations. Simply terminate their employment. In many states, you do not need to provide a reason as to why you are letting them go. When they ask for an explanation as to why you are firing them, simply say: I don’t need to give you a reason, I’m just letting you go, goodbye!

Finally, don’t over look technology to help you with security. Surveillance cameras linked to a DVR (digital video recorder) can provide you with peace of mind, or evidence of theft. These systems have become very affordable, and many are easy to install. The value of these cameras go beyond having a video record of operations. The mere fact that employees understand that their activities are being video recorded, will usually discourage them from doing things that they might not think twice about, if no one was watching.

I think it’s important to not be paranoid about employee theft. Certainly, you don’t want to be constantly obsessed with the suspicion that everyone is stealing from you. In reality, the majority of your employees are probably honest people. But, you would be wise to establish some simple safeguards, and maintain a watchful eye.

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Source by Ed Arvidson

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February 6, 2020
Affiliate Marketer – The Win-Win Technique

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Affiliate marketing has turned out to be just about the most efficient way to market on the web. It is usually among the most active for anybody with a web site in order to obtain profits on the internet. Affiliate marketing is an arrangement made by a product owner and a site owner. The site manager, permits the usage of the website for the advertising of the merchant’s goods by back-linking towards the merchant’s web-site. In return, the vendor or product owner compensates the internet marketer according to all product sales produced because of the internet marketer efforts. Whenever an individual follows the URL ((Uniform Resource Locator) on the internet marketer site and proceed to made a purchase, the affiliate marketer receives a percentage. The product owner pays off the affiliate as long as a person clicks the merchandise link and buys something.

Affiliate programs are identified as a win-win scenario for both the vendor and also the affiliate because of the pay-for-performance structure. Both parties enjoy big benefits with this technique. There are numerous rewards for the merchant. It provides them with a larger market place to promote services or products. Through their marketing efforts, the affiliate marketer will provide the goods and services the ideal visibility that maybe could not be possible with the use of traditional promotion approaches. The more online websites a vendor has access to, the larger the exposure his products will have, which more than often converts into product sales. Internet affiliate marketing is the same as possessing an army of sales agents who can carry out promotion and may only get paid in the case a client buys.

At the same time, because an affiliate marketer relationship can be a win-win scenario, the affiliate marketer also looks forward to lots of benefits. Foremost involving these is the simplest way to produce revenues. The affiliate marketer can gain using an advertisement or back-link to the vendor’s site, which potential customers will ideally press and ultimately make a purchase. When the target individual follows the offer within the affiliate’s website, is rerouted towards the vendor’s site and usually proceeds to purchase that specific product or service. The more recommendations are made, the far more possibilities of earnings for that internet marketer.

Affiliate programs are an exceptional way to generate income while in your own home. You’ll find practically no initial expenses. The merchandise has already been created and verified through the vendor, and the only costs you have are the ones related to finding the customers and direct them in front of the offer. Internet programs are typically exempt of cost to sign up for, so affiliate marketers don’t need to be worried about start-up fees. There are millions of products you can consider. You’ll find affiliate marketing programs available for practically any merchandise offered in the web. Certainly, you can find a service or product out there that is definitely related to your site.

Furthermore, there is no sales knowledge required. Most programs provide outstanding assistance with regards to supplying advertising material. The simplicity of online marketing enables you to be an internet marketer at the minimum cost as well as enjoy the most convenience. You may also be able to create a profitable affiliate marketing enterprise in the comfort and ease of your home. In internet affiliate marketing, your main duty is actually to seek out potential customers and direct them to your selected offers; there is no need to concern yourself with products on hand, quality or even delivery. These, together with customer support are the responsibilities of the product owner.

Due to the possibilities on the world-wide-web, it is simple to find a large number of prospective buyers. You are able to accentuate your strategy by applying extra competitive and effective techniques including viral marketing and videos. By bringing in much more prospective buyers, you’ll realize a big increase in your possibility to generate income. Another advantage of an internet marketer is definitely the small monetary risk involved. When the item you happen to be promoting is just not creating wealth you’ll be able to dump it and select a different one. There aren’t any long-term binding agreements braiding you to products and solutions that are certainly not creating sufficient revenues.

Consider the very best advantage of becoming an internet marketer as the unique chance to improve your revenues and the fact that you may earn profits even when you use internet affiliate marketing only as a part-time business. With your personal affiliate enterprise, you can generate easily some extra income, despite the reality that you need to apply hard work and made use of your thoughts to maximize your possible earnings. Without a doubt, affiliate marketing and advertising is among the most basic and most successful work at home opportunities on the internet today.

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Source by Ruth Celeste Lee

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February 5, 2020
TOP TEN Pound 4 Pound Best Boxer Ever

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Before we start our list, I wanted to take some time to comment on 2 fighters that may have strong support in certain communities for being among the best ever, but truly do not have a place on the list.

NOT RANKED

Rocky Marciano – Won 49 Lost 0, 43 KO

Ask any Italian who the greatest boxer ever was, and you will never hear the names Ali, Louis or Sugar. Nope. You will only hear the name Rocky Marciano, the only heavyweight champion to retire undefeated. To his credit, Rocky Marciano did make a habit of beating up his opponents in the ring. Add the fact that his most notable victory was over his childhood idle, Joe Louis, whom he sent back into retirement. But Joe was well past his prime. He also beat Archie Moore, but he also was already in his early forties. So to the entire nation of Italy and her children I say to you, Rocky Marciano could not beat any of the champions in my Top T.E.N.

Lennox Lewis – 41 wins, 2 losses, 1 draw, 32 KO

Lewis will most likely go down as one of the most intelligent, calculated champions ever. But that is not what pound for pound is based on. Lennox was able to capitalize on Tyson’s jail term to reign as champion, then got out before the Klitchko brothers could undo the legacy he has manufactured for himself. He stayed an extra 4 years as an amateur to win a gold metal against younger opponents (Riddick Bowe for the medal bout). He then became champion only because Bowe gave up the title. He backed out of Tyson’s way (accepting a huge multi-million dollar payoff from Don King as payment for Tyson taking his ranking) as he was climbing back up to regain the championship that was handed to him. I believe that history will judge him for the fake that he truly is.

And now, to the top ten best pound for pound boxers:

10 – Mike Tyson – 50 wins, 5 losses, 2 no contests, 44 KO

No other fighter has been called “the baddest man on the planet”. Mike Tyson was perhaps the most feared person in boxing history. Up until Buster Douglas embarrassed Iron Mike, Mike Tyson made fighters give up. Going up through the amateur ranks, boxers actually lost on purpose so as to not fight Tyson in tournaments. How ironic that Tyson’s worst defeat was not to a boxer, but to a beauty pageant contestant named Desiree Washington. There is a great chance that had Tyson not suffered a 3-year setback, he would have easily moved up and be universally recognized as one of the best ever.

9 – (Big) George Foreman – Won 76 lost 5, 68 KO

Foreman’s biggest enemy opponent has always been himself. He could not accept defeat. After making his name as one of the most dominant fighter ever, his loss to Ali took him out of professional boxing for over a year. He made his first comeback attempt in 1977, knocking out his next 5 opponents (including Frazier, again), only to retire after losing a 12 round decision. A decade later, Foreman made an improbable comeback at the age of 38. Foreman made it again near the top of the boxing rankings, and despite suffering setbacks against Holyfield and Tommy Morrison, Foreman shocked the world when he stunned Michael Moore with a knock out in the 10th round. His next few bouts further proved that even unto his late 40th, Foreman was still a formidable force.

8 – (Sugar) Ray Leonard – 36 Wins, 3 Loss, 1 Draw, 25 KO

Leonard has to be on this list if only for the pure psychology he was able to inflict on his opponents. Only Ali could get into his opponents head more. Add to that all the titles his has own, in multiple weight divisions, and you have your number 8 all time. Like most great fighters, he just did not know when to quit, so you will have to ignore the last few fights of his career. Sugar Ray beat them all, from Duran (No Mas, No Mas), to Hagler, then Hearns, Sugar Ray’s stock only dropped because of his own issues. He first retired due to a detached retina, and it can be argued that a serious cocaine habit between 84 and 89 further damaged his career.

7 – (Marvelous) Marvin Hagler – 62 Wins, 3 Losses, 2 Draws, 52 KO

Yes, we have the Marvelous one ahead of Leonard, even though Leonard beat Hagler in their one encounter. Hagler was so distraught by that loss that he left before, and even refuses to talk about that fight today. Hagler’s only 2 losses were early on in his career, and he responded to them by beating both fighters. He would have continued to dominate the middleweight division had he not suffered the mentally debilitating loss to Leonard. While Hopkins has been middleweight champion longer, with more title defenses, it can be argued that he never faced opponents the caliber of Duran and Hearns, both of whom Hagler defeated.

6 – Archie Moore – 181 wins, 24 losses, 9 draws and 1 no contest, 145 KO

Looking at the record, it is easy to see why the “Old Mongoose” or “Ancient Archie” has made it to the list. Archie’s career spanned over 4 decades, and it the only fighter to have faced by Rocky Marciano and Muhammed Ali. Archie was a better Light Heavyweight than he was a pure Heavyweight. He had his light heavyweight title stripped from him twice because he was too busy fighting at a higher weight class. No other fighter has knocked out as many professional opponents as Archie.

5 – Roy Jones Jr – 49 wins, 3 losses, 38 KO

This particular selection is highly debatable, and may end with Roy’s removal from the list completely. While there is no denying his talent, there is question as to if his showmanship and opponent section unfairly propelled him into his status. Winning a championship fight after playing paid basketball the same day was previously unheard of. As was becoming a champion at middleweight all the way up to heavyweight. Before his last two fights, Jones’ only defeat was a bogus call after he was disqualified against Montell Griffin, which he quickly avenged. Jones has at least warranted due considering, and an initial entry to the list.

4 – Joe (Brown Bomber) Louis – Won 68 Lost 3, 54 KO

While there seems to be some dispute over whether 5 of his victories by KO were exhibition matches or not, there is a consensus not take seriously 2 of his 3 losses in failed comeback attempts. The last, and most humiliating defeat was an 8th round KO through the ropes by Rocky Marciano. The Brown Bomber was so much in debt, that he tried to come back well past his prime. The fact that so much cultural identify was thrust upon his shoulders, made Joe Louis not only one of the greatest pure fighters, but a true icon for America’s 2nd class citizens. Joe will be best known for his 1st round KO over Germany’s Max Schmeling in 1938. Schmeling beat the favored Louis in 12 years only a few years earlier. Even when Joe won the Heavyweight title by knockout, he refused to be called champion until he settled the score with Schmeling. It is this attitude that made him a national hero despite his color.

3 – Julio Cesar Chavez – Won 104 Lost 5, 2 draws, 80 KO

Julio is a Mexican world champion boxer who won world titles in 3 different divisions. Among the world champions that Chávez defeated in his career are Edwin Rosario, Jose Luis Ramirez, Rocky Lockridge, Meldrick Taylor, Roger Mayweather, Sammy Fuentes, Héctor “Macho” Camacho, Juan Laporte, and Tony López. Chavez went 13 years before not winning a fight, with a draw to Pernell Whitaker, and it was another year later before he suffered his first defeat which was avenged 4 months later. Only in his last 8 years of his 24 year career did Chavez acount for 4 of his 5 losses to 3 different oppenents. He was able to avenge his lose to Willey Wise, but failed in second attempt to Oscar De La Hoya.

2 – Muhammed (Louisville Lip) Ali – won 56 Lost 5, 37 KO

In my book, Ali will also go down as one of the greatest human beings of all time. As purely a boxer, only a “what could have been” during his 3 year lay off after refusing to go to Vietnam prevents him from being the best ever. He came back after 3 years to lose his first of three asking Joe Frazier. Both were undefeated at the time. The same happened with Ken Norton. In both cases, Ali came back to whup them in the next 2 fights. Although the two became friends later on, Ali is also credited with knocking Foreman out in the ring, out of boxing, and onto the pulpit. Leon Spinks got Ali during his declining years, but Ali still come back to beat him in 1979. What happened to Ali in the next two fights against Holmes and Berbick is eerily similar to what is happening now with Roy Jones Jr. In neither case, should those 2 fights be included into what was an otherwise spectacular career.

1 – (Sugar) Ray Robinson 179 wins, 19 losses, 6 draws, 2 no contests, 109 KO

While many fighters have held that nickname over the years, none have been as sweet as Ray Robinson, whose real name was actually Walker Smith Jr. Robinson won the middleweight title an unprecedented 5 times. Even Muhammed Ali referred to Sugar Ray as the greatest fighter ever (it is rumoured that Robinson actually refused to give Ali an autograph when Ali met him while Ali was still young, and Clay). Unlike Moore, the majority of Robinson’s losses came at the end of his career.

Honorable Mention

Floyd Mayweather Jr – 32 Wins, 0 Losses, 21 Knockouts

Now regarded (arguably) as the best active pound for pound boxer

Roberto Duran – 103 Wins, 16 Loss, 69 Knockouts

He will forever by scarred by his 8th round quit job on Sugar Ray Leonard.

Evander (Real Deal) Holyfield – 38 Wins, 7 Losses, 2 Draw, 25 KO

Was undisputed cruiserweight and heavyweight champion of the world. He also was the man that destroyed the aura that was Mike Tyson. He will have his place in boxing history, but not as one of the greatest ever.

(Smokin’) Joe Frazier – 32 wins, 4 losses, 1 draw, 27 KO

Also one of the most feared fighters ever, but 2 losses to Ali and Foreman will keep him off this list.

Thomas Hearns – 59 wins 4 Loss 1 Draw, 46 KO

AKA “the Hit Man” and “the Motor City Cobra”, Hearns won seven world championships in six weight classes during his 22 year pro career. But losses to Leonard (his first ever) and Hagler will keep him off the list.

Bernard Hopkins – 45 wins, 2 losses, 1 draw, 1 NC, 32 KO

More so than Hagler, Hopkins had a slow start to his career. When he finally won the belt, he has defended against the best of the 90’s and 2000. He may end up considered in the 10 top yet.

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Source by

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February 3, 2020
Created To Bond – Changes That Heal Part II
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Failure To Develop Relationships

Emotional ties have a dramatic effect on our well-being. When one fails to develop relationships or bond with others, it can and often does affect their ability to stave off or recover from a variety of not only physical but also emotional ills. When they learn to attach to and trust others, they begin to develop not only emotionally, but also psychologically. Thus, their ability to bond with others… to become closely knit, often carryover into their home life.

When a child is distressed, he/she may show unusual signs such as increased pulse, increased or labored respiration, helplessness, and hopelessness and may easily become enraged. These signs are often seen when the biological parent remarries and the child tends to believe that he/she must compete with the step-parent for the biological parent’s attention.

When the adoptive or step-parent enters the situation with food, physical contact, compassion and other help, the child learns her parents can meet her needs. The child is then more active and able to respond to stimulation such as playing. When the child is content, she is able to sleep and feel comfortable in her surroundings.

According to Deborah Gray, author of Attaching in Adoption, “attachment is a relationship formed primarily with members of the family and requires more time and interaction to be created. Attachment is what most adoptive parents are referring to when they talk about bonding with their child. Adopted children of all ages may have an attachment to their birth family, even if the relationship was neglectful or abusive. Many adoption experts agree that if a child can form an attachment to birth and foster parents, she will have the skills to attach to her adoptive family as well.”

Signs of Secure Attachment

The parental attachment process can often take weeks or years to fully develop, and in some cases there maybe pervasive attachment disorders for which professional therapy will be required. A strong indicator of whether attachment is taking place is the comfort with which the adoptive or step-parent is able to recognize the child’s needs. It is important to remember that the repetition of parents meeting a child’s needs is the foundation of forming a secure attachment with children of all ages, not just infants.

The attachment bond shapes an infant’s brain

The attachment bond is the term for our first interactive love relationship-the one we had with our primary caregivers, that is, our mothers. The mother-child attachment bond is instrumental in shaping infants brains. This important attachment profoundly influences our self-esteem, our expectations of others, and our ability to attract and maintain successful relationships. So, the success, or failure, of our first love-the attachment bond-has a life-long effect.

Our secure attachment bond shapes our abilities to:
- feel safe
- develop meaningful connections with others
- explore our world
- deal with stress
- balance emotions
- experience comfort and security
- make sense of our lives
- create positive memories and expectations of relationships
Attachment bonds are as unique as we are. Primary caretakers do not have to be perfect. They do not have to always be in agreement with their infants’ emotions, but it helps if they are emotionally available a majority of the time.

We were born with an innate or preprogrammed need to bond with one very significant person-our primary caregiver, usually our mother. Like all infants, you were a small bundle of disjointed emotions-intensely experiencing fear, anger, sadness, and joy, often at the same time. The natural emotional attachment that grew between you and your caregiver was the first interactive relationship of your life, and it depended upon nonverbal communication. Therefore, the bonding you experienced in this relationship determined how you would relate to other people throughout your life. This bonding relationship established the foundation for all verbal and nonverbal communication in your future relationships.

For better or worse, the attachment bond profoundly influences the infant brain. It is a baby’s first love relationship. When the primary caretaker can manage personal stress, calm the infant, communicate through emotion, share joy, and forgive easily, the young child’s nervous system becomes “securely attached.” The strong foundation of a secure attachment bond enables the child to be self-confident, trusting, hopeful, and comfortable in the face of conflict. As an adult, he or she will be flexible, creative, hopeful, and optimistic.

People who fail to establish this type of bonding relationship often experience confusing, frightening, or broken emotional communications during their infancy and often grow into adults who have difficulty understanding their own emotions and the feelings of others. This hampers their ability to establish, build and/or maintain attachments leading to successful relationships.

What is Attachment?

Attachment is the relationship between infants and their primary caregivers-is responsible for:
- shaping the success or failure of future intimate relationships
- the ability to maintain a normal emotional balance
- the ability to enjoy being ourselves and to find satisfaction in being with others
- the ability to successfully rebound from various disappointments, discouragement, and misfortune
Many scientific studies of the brain-and the primary role attachment plays in shaping it-has given us a new basis for understanding why vast numbers of people have great difficulty communicating with the most important individuals in their work and love lives. Once, we could only use guesswork to try and determine why important relationships never evolved, or developed chronic problems, or fell apart. Now, thanks to new insights into brain development, we can understand what it takes to help build and nurture productive and meaningful relationships at home and at work.

What is the attachment bond?

The mother-child bond is the primary force in infant development, according to the attachment bond theory pioneered by English psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth. The theory has gained strength through worldwide scientific studies and the use of brain imaging technology.

The attachment bond theory states that the relationship between infants and primary caretakers is responsible for:
- shaping all of our future relationships
- strengthening or damaging our abilities to focus, be conscious of our feelings, and calm ourselves
- the ability to bounce back from misfortune
Scientific research reveals the infant/adult interactions that result in a successful, secure attachment, where both people are aware of the other’s feelings and emotions is the necessary precursor for successful relationships. These studies also reveal troubled, or insecure attachment, in which the communication of feelings fails thus resulting in an inability to form the bind needed to establish a solid relationship. Researchers found that in order to have successful adult relationships there must exist in us and we must depend on the ability to:
- manage stress
- stay “tuned in” with emotions
- use communicative body language
- be playful in a mutually engaging manner
- be readily forgiving, relinquishing grudges
The same research also found that when an insecure attachment exists some type of abuse may have caused it, but it is just as likely to be caused by isolation or loneliness. These recent discoveries offer a new glimpse into successful love relationships. Taking these observations into account often provides the keys to identifying and repairing a love relationship that is strained or falling apart.

Insecure attachment affects adult relationships

Insecurity can be a significant problem in all of our lives, and it usually takes root when an infant’s attachment bond fails to provide the child with sufficient structure, recognition, understanding, safety, and mutual accord. These insecurities may lead us to:
- Tune out and turn off-Most often, if our parent is unavailable and self-absorbed, we may-as children-get lost in our own inner world, we become introverted, avoiding any close, emotional connections. This often causes us as adults to become physically and emotionally distant in relationships.
- Remain insecure-If we have parents who are inconsistent or intrusive, it’s more than likely that we will become unrealistically anxious and fearful, never knowing what to expect. Then as adults, we may become willingly available one moment and totally rejecting the next.
- Become disorganized, aggressive and angry-When our early needs for emotional closeness and comfort is neglected, or when a parent’s erratic behavior is a source of disorienting terror, emotional problems are sure to follow. As we grow into adults, we may lack the ability to love easily and may unknowingly be insensitive to the needs of our partner.
- Develop slowly-Problems often occur when we fail to develop as rapidly as we should, both emotionally and intellectually. Such developmental delays often manifest themselves in the form of deficits and often result in subsequent physical and mental health problems, and generally lead to social and learning disabilities.
Lessons Learned From Our Attachment Bond

There are many powerful, life-altering lessons we learn from our attachment bond-our first love relationship continues to teach us as adults. The gut-level knowledge we gained from this bond then guides us in improving our adult relationships and making them secure.

Lesson No. 1-All adult relationships depend on nonverbal forms of communication for their success. These nonverbal communication skills are learned in infancy. Newborn infants cannot talk, reason or plan; yet they are equipped to make sure their needs are met. Infants don’t know what they need, they feel what they need, and communicate accordingly. When an infant communicates with a caretaker who understands and meets their physical and emotional needs an attachment takes place and the strength of that attachment influences other relationships later in life.

Lesson No. 2-Relationships in which the parties are tuned in to each other’s emotions are called attuned relationships, and attuned relationships teach us that:
- nonverbal cues deeply impact our love relationships
- as we play it helps us smooth over the turbulent times we endure in love relationships
- inevitable conflicts can build trusting relationships if we approach them without fear or a need to punish or retaliate
When we can recognize knee-jerk memories, perceive expectations, inappropriate attitudes, unfounded assumptions and improper behaviors as problems resulting from insecure attachment bonds, we can squelch their influence and their effect on our adult relationships. That recognition allows us to readily reconstruct the healthy nonverbal communication skills that ultimately produce an attuned attachment and successful relationship.

Becoming an Adult and Relationship Orientation

As we grow into adulthood, for the most part we bring with us the ideas and communication lessons we have learned from the time of our infancy. Whether these are good or bad depends on our ability to not only view life from our perspective but also have the ability and the willingness to see things from the other person’s point of view as well. When we are able to do that, then we are in a more astute position to deal with situations and circumstances that are adverse to us.

As we move through the adolescent stage of life we find ourselves at odds not only with others but also with ourselves. We want to be an adult with all of its rights and privileges sooner that we can become one, yet at the same time we want to abdicate the responsibility that goes with that station in life. It is a time of being able to make your own decisions and taking authority over your own life, but you are not there yet. You must learn to maintain control of your impulsiveness and your inhibitions. You must be able to objectionably reevaluate your beliefs, see your parents and authority figures realistically, recognize and pursue your God-given talents and goals, and be willing to take ultimate responsibility for yourself. Finally you must be able to accept and appreciate people who are different.

This ability helps us to be able to accept the good and the bad because we are able to address situations in a mature manner. When we are able to do this, we place ourselves into a position of strength, resulting in a proper evaluation of ourselves. Thus we are able to overcome some of the most persistent problems we face daily because now we are not only able to see things in black and white but also in the various shades of gray. As such, we are able to make allowances for our and other peoples mistakes.

We at that point come to realize that everything in life doesn’t have to go our way in order for us to be happy. We gain a new perspective on ourselves, others and God as a result of our changed thinking. We are then able to deal with each other with mercy, in grace, with the understanding that we too make mistakes. When we move into the realm of tolerance and forgiveness, we are able to love others without them having to be perfect.

Yet, in order to accomplish the task and responsibility of growing up we must also be willing to take responsibility and be accountable for those things of which we have been put in charge. Those things include our attitude, tongue, and actions. As we continue to grow in stature and wisdom the maturity level of our life should also increase proportionately.

Differences Between Men And Women

From my experience in dealing with women, (my mother, aunts, seven sisters and many friends and associates) I find that the majority of women are generally oriented towards their existing friendship networks whereas men were more interested in meeting new people and finding people who had similar interests — in other words, men would rather enjoy the adventure of reaching out to new people rather than cementing their existing relationships.

These results contribute to the growing research on social capital, networking and highlight the importance of examining specific interactive applications. The importance of distinguishing between strong and weak ties plays a major role in establishing new relationships. Also, it is necessary to consider the importance of taking into account gender differences in social interaction patterns. Whereas, women increase their bonding social capital as a result of using these sites but men do not. Women, on the other hand, show a decrease in bonding social capital with those whom they meet outside of their normal sphere of influence.

The fear of incorporating emotional intimacy into these association/relationships is mainly due to a fear of rejection and engulfment – a fear of losing the other and/or losing yourself. To overcome this obstacle you must be able to establish an inner bond with yourself. Inner Bonding is a transformational process for healing the fear of intimacy related ideas that have been carried from past experiences.

The mental visualization of these experiences often cause us to digress into a self-contained state of emotional security that hinders our ability to openly tolerate the inconsistencies we see in others. As a result, we ourselves are moved to a protective state and therefore unable to deal with the negative feelings that we will invariably experience. This barrier can block us from resolving issues that in reality are non-issues.

The Immaturity In Adolescence

Struggles with adolescent identity and depression usually set in when an adolescent experiences a loss. The most important loss in their lives is the changing relationship between the adolescent and their parents. Adolescents may also experience strife in their relationships with friends. This may be due to the activities their friends take part in, such as smoking, which causes adolescents to feel as though participating in such activities themselves is likely essential to maintaining these friendships. Teen depression can be extremely intense at times because of physical and hormonal changes but emotional instability is part of adolescence. Their changing mind, body and relationships often present themselves as stressful and that change, they assume, is something to be feared.

Your experiences in life help you to mature. The maturity is developed when you know you have no one to blame for the past but the circumstances and your immaturity. Oftentimes your immaturity stopped you from having a proper perspective of the facts facts and seeing things as they were. This made you blame others for your sufferings. You may have created and escalated your suffering without realizing the facts and circumstances and taking a easy way out by holding others responsible for it.

You feel you are always on the receiving end of every wrong or perceived wrong due to your immaturity. However, life has a knack of replaying memories and after few years it recreates the same circumstances but this time puts you on the opposite side (giving end), you are left with no choice but to accept the fact that you were so immature then and have grow-up with years. As you mature, life makes you see your ‘old you’ in somebody else now in these replaying of circumstances and you know that the other person still has to wait years ahead to grow and realize these facts.

Maturity slowly leads to wisdom when you know that it is only you who has to stand up and take responsibility for your past – action / inaction, sufferings / failures instead of holding others responsible. It is truly said that you create your own happiness. By blaming others and holding grudges you keep happiness at bay and give way to hatred and self pity. However, with time and wisdom when you accept the responsibility for your sufferings and embrace all your successes without pride -you are truly happy.

Divorce And Its Affects On Maturity

Children of divorced parents often bitterly vow not to repeat the same mistakes. They want to avoid putting themselves and their own children through the pain that comes from the dissolution of a marriage. But, according to University of Utah researcher Nicholas H. Wolfinger, these children’s aspirations face unfavorable odds. “Growing up in a divorced family greatly increases the chances of ending one’s own marriage, a phenomenon called the divorce cycle or the intergenerational transmission of divorce.” Dr. Wolfinger has spent almost a decade studying the marriages of children from divorced homes in America. These children are more likely to marry during their teenage years, cohabitate and marry someone who is also a child of divorced parents. And they are also one-third less likely to marry if they are over age 20.

“Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages,” by Wolfinger, published by Cambridge University Press, contains important information for those interested in divorce and its repercussions. “Divorce is an important topic because it has so many consequences for well-being,” writes Wolfinger,

“Its transmission between generations adds a whole new dimension by perpetuating the cycle of divorce. The divorce cycle, in short, can be thought of as a cascade. Ending a marriage starts a cycle that threatens to affect increasing numbers of people over time, a sobering thought in an era when half of all new marriages fail.” His research also suggests that if one spouse comes from divorced parents, the couple may be up to twice as likely to divorce. Spouses who are both children of divorced parents are three times more likely to divorce as couples who both hail from intact families.

Besides observing the marital stability of the offspring of divorced couples, Wolfinger’s book provides another perspective on how parental divorce affects offspring marriage timing, mate selection, cohabitating relationships as well as historical trends in the divorce cycle. Wolfinger also explores the divorce reform movement in America and argues in favor of no-fault divorce laws, arguing that a return to an age of tough divorce laws would recreate the social conditions that used to make divorce harder on children.

It is my opinion considering all that has been written on this subject that one reason children from divorced families get divorced more often is because they have a tendency to marry as teenagers. Social history demonstrates that the older you are when you marry, the less likely you are to get divorced. It’s good advice for everyone.”

On the other hand, the more transitions children experience while growing up, the more they will experience as adults. Taking this into consideration, the question that needs to be asked is, “What is the hardest for kids is how many disruptions they experience — the up-and-down cycles.

This is a valid question because many children will have stepparents, and some will see their new families dissolve. This type of disruption occurs any time they lose a parent — except from death. That’s different, and doesn’t have the same negative effects on children… whereas divorce is ambiguous. Children wonder whether the divorce was their fault or who is to blame. And they wonder ‘Is he coming back?’” It is certainly good news that people are less likely to stay in high conflict marriages than they used to. However, “ending a low-conflict marriage may hurt children as much as staying in a high-conflict family,” and the odds of divorce transmission are actually highest if parents dissolve a marriage after little or no conflict. It therefore behooves us to evaluate the effects divorce will have upon our children and their emotional well being should we decide to travel that road.

But before making that decision, we should honestly examine ourselves and the motivating things that are moving us in that direction. This inventory, if prayerfully done will allow us to see the other persons point of view more clearly and thereby make the necessary adjustments, where warranted, to resolve the issues that precipitated situation to begin with. If we are truly willing to continue the relationship, then we must take the necessary steps needed to resolve the issues of what is good or bad by first considering what we could have done to alleviate the problem rather than casting blame. When we allow the power of forgiveness to flow in us we cannot only deal with the past and present, but also the future as bonds are cemented.

Gray, Deborah. Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents. Indiana:Perspectives Press Inc., 2002.

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Source by Franklyn T. Johnson, Ph.D

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February 3, 2020