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Created To Bond – Changes That Heal Part II
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Failure To Develop Relationships

Emotional ties have a dramatic effect on our well-being. When one fails to develop relationships or bond with others, it can and often does affect their ability to stave off or recover from a variety of not only physical but also emotional ills. When they learn to attach to and trust others, they begin to develop not only emotionally, but also psychologically. Thus, their ability to bond with others… to become closely knit, often carryover into their home life.

When a child is distressed, he/she may show unusual signs such as increased pulse, increased or labored respiration, helplessness, and hopelessness and may easily become enraged. These signs are often seen when the biological parent remarries and the child tends to believe that he/she must compete with the step-parent for the biological parent’s attention.

When the adoptive or step-parent enters the situation with food, physical contact, compassion and other help, the child learns her parents can meet her needs. The child is then more active and able to respond to stimulation such as playing. When the child is content, she is able to sleep and feel comfortable in her surroundings.

According to Deborah Gray, author of Attaching in Adoption, “attachment is a relationship formed primarily with members of the family and requires more time and interaction to be created. Attachment is what most adoptive parents are referring to when they talk about bonding with their child. Adopted children of all ages may have an attachment to their birth family, even if the relationship was neglectful or abusive. Many adoption experts agree that if a child can form an attachment to birth and foster parents, she will have the skills to attach to her adoptive family as well.”

Signs of Secure Attachment

The parental attachment process can often take weeks or years to fully develop, and in some cases there maybe pervasive attachment disorders for which professional therapy will be required. A strong indicator of whether attachment is taking place is the comfort with which the adoptive or step-parent is able to recognize the child’s needs. It is important to remember that the repetition of parents meeting a child’s needs is the foundation of forming a secure attachment with children of all ages, not just infants.

The attachment bond shapes an infant’s brain

The attachment bond is the term for our first interactive love relationship-the one we had with our primary caregivers, that is, our mothers. The mother-child attachment bond is instrumental in shaping infants brains. This important attachment profoundly influences our self-esteem, our expectations of others, and our ability to attract and maintain successful relationships. So, the success, or failure, of our first love-the attachment bond-has a life-long effect.

Our secure attachment bond shapes our abilities to:
- feel safe
- develop meaningful connections with others
- explore our world
- deal with stress
- balance emotions
- experience comfort and security
- make sense of our lives
- create positive memories and expectations of relationships
Attachment bonds are as unique as we are. Primary caretakers do not have to be perfect. They do not have to always be in agreement with their infants’ emotions, but it helps if they are emotionally available a majority of the time.

We were born with an innate or preprogrammed need to bond with one very significant person-our primary caregiver, usually our mother. Like all infants, you were a small bundle of disjointed emotions-intensely experiencing fear, anger, sadness, and joy, often at the same time. The natural emotional attachment that grew between you and your caregiver was the first interactive relationship of your life, and it depended upon nonverbal communication. Therefore, the bonding you experienced in this relationship determined how you would relate to other people throughout your life. This bonding relationship established the foundation for all verbal and nonverbal communication in your future relationships.

For better or worse, the attachment bond profoundly influences the infant brain. It is a baby’s first love relationship. When the primary caretaker can manage personal stress, calm the infant, communicate through emotion, share joy, and forgive easily, the young child’s nervous system becomes “securely attached.” The strong foundation of a secure attachment bond enables the child to be self-confident, trusting, hopeful, and comfortable in the face of conflict. As an adult, he or she will be flexible, creative, hopeful, and optimistic.

People who fail to establish this type of bonding relationship often experience confusing, frightening, or broken emotional communications during their infancy and often grow into adults who have difficulty understanding their own emotions and the feelings of others. This hampers their ability to establish, build and/or maintain attachments leading to successful relationships.

What is Attachment?

Attachment is the relationship between infants and their primary caregivers-is responsible for:
- shaping the success or failure of future intimate relationships
- the ability to maintain a normal emotional balance
- the ability to enjoy being ourselves and to find satisfaction in being with others
- the ability to successfully rebound from various disappointments, discouragement, and misfortune
Many scientific studies of the brain-and the primary role attachment plays in shaping it-has given us a new basis for understanding why vast numbers of people have great difficulty communicating with the most important individuals in their work and love lives. Once, we could only use guesswork to try and determine why important relationships never evolved, or developed chronic problems, or fell apart. Now, thanks to new insights into brain development, we can understand what it takes to help build and nurture productive and meaningful relationships at home and at work.

What is the attachment bond?

The mother-child bond is the primary force in infant development, according to the attachment bond theory pioneered by English psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth. The theory has gained strength through worldwide scientific studies and the use of brain imaging technology.

The attachment bond theory states that the relationship between infants and primary caretakers is responsible for:
- shaping all of our future relationships
- strengthening or damaging our abilities to focus, be conscious of our feelings, and calm ourselves
- the ability to bounce back from misfortune
Scientific research reveals the infant/adult interactions that result in a successful, secure attachment, where both people are aware of the other’s feelings and emotions is the necessary precursor for successful relationships. These studies also reveal troubled, or insecure attachment, in which the communication of feelings fails thus resulting in an inability to form the bind needed to establish a solid relationship. Researchers found that in order to have successful adult relationships there must exist in us and we must depend on the ability to:
- manage stress
- stay “tuned in” with emotions
- use communicative body language
- be playful in a mutually engaging manner
- be readily forgiving, relinquishing grudges
The same research also found that when an insecure attachment exists some type of abuse may have caused it, but it is just as likely to be caused by isolation or loneliness. These recent discoveries offer a new glimpse into successful love relationships. Taking these observations into account often provides the keys to identifying and repairing a love relationship that is strained or falling apart.

Insecure attachment affects adult relationships

Insecurity can be a significant problem in all of our lives, and it usually takes root when an infant’s attachment bond fails to provide the child with sufficient structure, recognition, understanding, safety, and mutual accord. These insecurities may lead us to:
- Tune out and turn off-Most often, if our parent is unavailable and self-absorbed, we may-as children-get lost in our own inner world, we become introverted, avoiding any close, emotional connections. This often causes us as adults to become physically and emotionally distant in relationships.
- Remain insecure-If we have parents who are inconsistent or intrusive, it’s more than likely that we will become unrealistically anxious and fearful, never knowing what to expect. Then as adults, we may become willingly available one moment and totally rejecting the next.
- Become disorganized, aggressive and angry-When our early needs for emotional closeness and comfort is neglected, or when a parent’s erratic behavior is a source of disorienting terror, emotional problems are sure to follow. As we grow into adults, we may lack the ability to love easily and may unknowingly be insensitive to the needs of our partner.
- Develop slowly-Problems often occur when we fail to develop as rapidly as we should, both emotionally and intellectually. Such developmental delays often manifest themselves in the form of deficits and often result in subsequent physical and mental health problems, and generally lead to social and learning disabilities.
Lessons Learned From Our Attachment Bond

There are many powerful, life-altering lessons we learn from our attachment bond-our first love relationship continues to teach us as adults. The gut-level knowledge we gained from this bond then guides us in improving our adult relationships and making them secure.

Lesson No. 1-All adult relationships depend on nonverbal forms of communication for their success. These nonverbal communication skills are learned in infancy. Newborn infants cannot talk, reason or plan; yet they are equipped to make sure their needs are met. Infants don’t know what they need, they feel what they need, and communicate accordingly. When an infant communicates with a caretaker who understands and meets their physical and emotional needs an attachment takes place and the strength of that attachment influences other relationships later in life.

Lesson No. 2-Relationships in which the parties are tuned in to each other’s emotions are called attuned relationships, and attuned relationships teach us that:
- nonverbal cues deeply impact our love relationships
- as we play it helps us smooth over the turbulent times we endure in love relationships
- inevitable conflicts can build trusting relationships if we approach them without fear or a need to punish or retaliate
When we can recognize knee-jerk memories, perceive expectations, inappropriate attitudes, unfounded assumptions and improper behaviors as problems resulting from insecure attachment bonds, we can squelch their influence and their effect on our adult relationships. That recognition allows us to readily reconstruct the healthy nonverbal communication skills that ultimately produce an attuned attachment and successful relationship.

Becoming an Adult and Relationship Orientation

As we grow into adulthood, for the most part we bring with us the ideas and communication lessons we have learned from the time of our infancy. Whether these are good or bad depends on our ability to not only view life from our perspective but also have the ability and the willingness to see things from the other person’s point of view as well. When we are able to do that, then we are in a more astute position to deal with situations and circumstances that are adverse to us.

As we move through the adolescent stage of life we find ourselves at odds not only with others but also with ourselves. We want to be an adult with all of its rights and privileges sooner that we can become one, yet at the same time we want to abdicate the responsibility that goes with that station in life. It is a time of being able to make your own decisions and taking authority over your own life, but you are not there yet. You must learn to maintain control of your impulsiveness and your inhibitions. You must be able to objectionably reevaluate your beliefs, see your parents and authority figures realistically, recognize and pursue your God-given talents and goals, and be willing to take ultimate responsibility for yourself. Finally you must be able to accept and appreciate people who are different.

This ability helps us to be able to accept the good and the bad because we are able to address situations in a mature manner. When we are able to do this, we place ourselves into a position of strength, resulting in a proper evaluation of ourselves. Thus we are able to overcome some of the most persistent problems we face daily because now we are not only able to see things in black and white but also in the various shades of gray. As such, we are able to make allowances for our and other peoples mistakes.

We at that point come to realize that everything in life doesn’t have to go our way in order for us to be happy. We gain a new perspective on ourselves, others and God as a result of our changed thinking. We are then able to deal with each other with mercy, in grace, with the understanding that we too make mistakes. When we move into the realm of tolerance and forgiveness, we are able to love others without them having to be perfect.

Yet, in order to accomplish the task and responsibility of growing up we must also be willing to take responsibility and be accountable for those things of which we have been put in charge. Those things include our attitude, tongue, and actions. As we continue to grow in stature and wisdom the maturity level of our life should also increase proportionately.

Differences Between Men And Women

From my experience in dealing with women, (my mother, aunts, seven sisters and many friends and associates) I find that the majority of women are generally oriented towards their existing friendship networks whereas men were more interested in meeting new people and finding people who had similar interests — in other words, men would rather enjoy the adventure of reaching out to new people rather than cementing their existing relationships.

These results contribute to the growing research on social capital, networking and highlight the importance of examining specific interactive applications. The importance of distinguishing between strong and weak ties plays a major role in establishing new relationships. Also, it is necessary to consider the importance of taking into account gender differences in social interaction patterns. Whereas, women increase their bonding social capital as a result of using these sites but men do not. Women, on the other hand, show a decrease in bonding social capital with those whom they meet outside of their normal sphere of influence.

The fear of incorporating emotional intimacy into these association/relationships is mainly due to a fear of rejection and engulfment – a fear of losing the other and/or losing yourself. To overcome this obstacle you must be able to establish an inner bond with yourself. Inner Bonding is a transformational process for healing the fear of intimacy related ideas that have been carried from past experiences.

The mental visualization of these experiences often cause us to digress into a self-contained state of emotional security that hinders our ability to openly tolerate the inconsistencies we see in others. As a result, we ourselves are moved to a protective state and therefore unable to deal with the negative feelings that we will invariably experience. This barrier can block us from resolving issues that in reality are non-issues.

The Immaturity In Adolescence

Struggles with adolescent identity and depression usually set in when an adolescent experiences a loss. The most important loss in their lives is the changing relationship between the adolescent and their parents. Adolescents may also experience strife in their relationships with friends. This may be due to the activities their friends take part in, such as smoking, which causes adolescents to feel as though participating in such activities themselves is likely essential to maintaining these friendships. Teen depression can be extremely intense at times because of physical and hormonal changes but emotional instability is part of adolescence. Their changing mind, body and relationships often present themselves as stressful and that change, they assume, is something to be feared.

Your experiences in life help you to mature. The maturity is developed when you know you have no one to blame for the past but the circumstances and your immaturity. Oftentimes your immaturity stopped you from having a proper perspective of the facts facts and seeing things as they were. This made you blame others for your sufferings. You may have created and escalated your suffering without realizing the facts and circumstances and taking a easy way out by holding others responsible for it.

You feel you are always on the receiving end of every wrong or perceived wrong due to your immaturity. However, life has a knack of replaying memories and after few years it recreates the same circumstances but this time puts you on the opposite side (giving end), you are left with no choice but to accept the fact that you were so immature then and have grow-up with years. As you mature, life makes you see your ‘old you’ in somebody else now in these replaying of circumstances and you know that the other person still has to wait years ahead to grow and realize these facts.

Maturity slowly leads to wisdom when you know that it is only you who has to stand up and take responsibility for your past – action / inaction, sufferings / failures instead of holding others responsible. It is truly said that you create your own happiness. By blaming others and holding grudges you keep happiness at bay and give way to hatred and self pity. However, with time and wisdom when you accept the responsibility for your sufferings and embrace all your successes without pride -you are truly happy.

Divorce And Its Affects On Maturity

Children of divorced parents often bitterly vow not to repeat the same mistakes. They want to avoid putting themselves and their own children through the pain that comes from the dissolution of a marriage. But, according to University of Utah researcher Nicholas H. Wolfinger, these children’s aspirations face unfavorable odds. “Growing up in a divorced family greatly increases the chances of ending one’s own marriage, a phenomenon called the divorce cycle or the intergenerational transmission of divorce.” Dr. Wolfinger has spent almost a decade studying the marriages of children from divorced homes in America. These children are more likely to marry during their teenage years, cohabitate and marry someone who is also a child of divorced parents. And they are also one-third less likely to marry if they are over age 20.

“Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages,” by Wolfinger, published by Cambridge University Press, contains important information for those interested in divorce and its repercussions. “Divorce is an important topic because it has so many consequences for well-being,” writes Wolfinger,

“Its transmission between generations adds a whole new dimension by perpetuating the cycle of divorce. The divorce cycle, in short, can be thought of as a cascade. Ending a marriage starts a cycle that threatens to affect increasing numbers of people over time, a sobering thought in an era when half of all new marriages fail.” His research also suggests that if one spouse comes from divorced parents, the couple may be up to twice as likely to divorce. Spouses who are both children of divorced parents are three times more likely to divorce as couples who both hail from intact families.

Besides observing the marital stability of the offspring of divorced couples, Wolfinger’s book provides another perspective on how parental divorce affects offspring marriage timing, mate selection, cohabitating relationships as well as historical trends in the divorce cycle. Wolfinger also explores the divorce reform movement in America and argues in favor of no-fault divorce laws, arguing that a return to an age of tough divorce laws would recreate the social conditions that used to make divorce harder on children.

It is my opinion considering all that has been written on this subject that one reason children from divorced families get divorced more often is because they have a tendency to marry as teenagers. Social history demonstrates that the older you are when you marry, the less likely you are to get divorced. It’s good advice for everyone.”

On the other hand, the more transitions children experience while growing up, the more they will experience as adults. Taking this into consideration, the question that needs to be asked is, “What is the hardest for kids is how many disruptions they experience — the up-and-down cycles.

This is a valid question because many children will have stepparents, and some will see their new families dissolve. This type of disruption occurs any time they lose a parent — except from death. That’s different, and doesn’t have the same negative effects on children… whereas divorce is ambiguous. Children wonder whether the divorce was their fault or who is to blame. And they wonder ‘Is he coming back?’” It is certainly good news that people are less likely to stay in high conflict marriages than they used to. However, “ending a low-conflict marriage may hurt children as much as staying in a high-conflict family,” and the odds of divorce transmission are actually highest if parents dissolve a marriage after little or no conflict. It therefore behooves us to evaluate the effects divorce will have upon our children and their emotional well being should we decide to travel that road.

But before making that decision, we should honestly examine ourselves and the motivating things that are moving us in that direction. This inventory, if prayerfully done will allow us to see the other persons point of view more clearly and thereby make the necessary adjustments, where warranted, to resolve the issues that precipitated situation to begin with. If we are truly willing to continue the relationship, then we must take the necessary steps needed to resolve the issues of what is good or bad by first considering what we could have done to alleviate the problem rather than casting blame. When we allow the power of forgiveness to flow in us we cannot only deal with the past and present, but also the future as bonds are cemented.

Gray, Deborah. Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents. Indiana:Perspectives Press Inc., 2002.

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Source by Franklyn T. Johnson, Ph.D

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February 3, 2020
Who Wants to Be a Millionaire? A Review of My Millionaire Mentor

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My Millionaire Mentor Review

Who wants to be a millionaire? Everyone! And yes, this opportunity promises to make you one in a matter of months. But hey, don’t we know that if there is something that sounds too good to be true, it is likely to be not true? Whenever we see any opportunity that promises a lot of money very fast, and with minimal efforts, it is natural to feel a little skeptical about it. There are thousands of such scams on the internet which claim to let you into a secret which will make you a millionaire in a matter of months. But eventually, you just end up spending your precious time and your hopes are dashed when time passes by and you make no money at all.

However, My Millionaire Mentor seems to be slightly different from all those false promises that are strewn around the internet. So let’s try and figure out whether this is actually a good opportunity or yet another internet money making scam.

What is My Millionaire Mentor?

My Millionaire Mentor is Ryan Matthew’s personal website where he offers to train fifty internet newbies and teach them a six step secret which will make them earn anything from $1000 to $5000 per day. Wow! That’s a lot of money, right? But what does one have to do in order to earn this kind of money? That is precisely what millionaire Ryan Matthews wants to teach you.

He is going to personally coach the first fifty people who sign up for this program, and he promises to let them in on the secret which has made him earn around $11 million in just two years. He adds that in order to make that whopping amount of money, he had to work for only an hour per day! When you see his San Diego beach house and his neat set of supercars, it seems like a fantasy. And when he promises that you can have all of that, it seems to be an even more unlikely proposition.

Ryan Matthews also adds that this process is completely risk free, and does not involve going to your friends and family to sell a particular product. He makes it very clear in his promotional video that you will not be a salesperson of any kind. Moreover, he guarantees that there is no way that you can lose money by participating in this program. So what is this program all about? Read on to find out more.

Is My Millionaire Mentor A Good Opportunity?

In the promotional video for the company, we find people from different walks of life thanking Ryan Matthews for completely transforming their lives. One instantly identifies with those people. All of us have debts and mortgages that we struggle to pay, even though some of us work on two jobs. We spend all our days working hard to pay off our debts, while the best times of our lives just pass us by. Who wouldn’t want to spend more time with their kids rather than working in office on a Saturday night? Moreover, there are so many other financial pressures that we have on our shoulders – like college funds, home loans, health worries – that we hardly find time to follow our dreams and live our lives to the fullest.

Thus, when an opportunity like My Millionaire Mentor comes to us, it is absolutely alluring. But the thing is, the internet is full of many financial scams which claim to transform your lives, but end up taking money from you. All of us have been disappointed many times through various such programs that claim to make us millionaires but end up taking our own hard earned money.

So we need to be very careful before getting into any such program which offers easy money. My Millionaire Mentor states it very clearly that it is a scheme which has long term returns. On the plus side, that means that your grandchildren can enjoy the fruits of your labor. However, on the other hand, it means that it will take some time before you can earn some real money for yourself.

How Does My Millionaire Mentor Work?

It is clear from the promotional video on the website that the product is basically a free traffic source that you will get unlimited access to if you become a member of this program. The other benefits include special coaching by Ryan Matthews over the phone. He will personally mentor you on how to best use his product and maximize the profits for yourself. Once you become a member of what Matthews calls a secret millionaire club, you will have access to the various tips and tricks that will help you to make money. It is also mentioned in the video that the way in which you will make money is 100% legal, moral and ethical.

So once you have access to the free traffic source, you will get clients who will pay you $1000 to $5000 a day for sending them traffic over the internet. Internet traffic is basically all the clicks that lead people to different website. According to Ryan Matthews, he has access to clients who are ready to pay that much amount of money for access to your traffic. In effect, you will be an internet traffic broker who will work with millionaire Ryan Matthews to coordinate internet traffic and redirect it to your clients.

Basically, it is an opportunity where you will be doing affiliate marketing. Affiliate marketing is an actual money making source on the web where you get paid for traffic that you send to your client’s website. And if you have access to a good traffic source which you can turn on or off at will, it is possible that you will make a lot of money online.

There are six steps to making this work – but that is classified information which you will get access to once you become a part of this program.

How Can You Make the First $500 Through My Millionaire Mentor?

In the promotional video, Matthews promises you that once you become one of the private members of the My Millionaire Mentor program, you will earn $500 and much more in the first month. In fact, you can around $5000 a day, without even leaving the comfort of your home. And to top it all, you just need a computer with an internet connection to do this job.

In order to become a private member, the entry fee is $1000. But in effect, you pay only $49 because you are refunded $500 immediately. You get your money back immediately, and Ryan Matthews guarantees that you don’t have to spend a penny more than $49 to get into this program.

Matthews also tells that by becoming a private member, you will get to be a part of a highly regarded company that is going to be the next big billion dollar internet empire in times to come. Though it is a speculation, in the internet age, anything is possible.

The process which Ryan Matthews is going to teach you is actually a very simple process which many people have used on the internet in order to make money. It is called affiliate marketing. Affiliate marketing is basically a process through which you send traffic to the websites of your clients. And for each click that leads a person to your client’s website from your source, you get paid a certain amount as commission. And if you have access to a source from where you can send millions of clicks to your clients, you will seriously earn a lot of money online. So, technically, My Millionaire Mentor is a concept that could actually earn if you serious money if Ryan Matthews actually handed out a free traffic source to you.

Pros and Cons of My Millionaire Mentor

It is evident that this is a program which appears to have some sort of risk. But then, that is life. There are certain risks that one has to take, especially if you want to be a millionaire.

Technically, Ryan Matthews is asking for just $49 from you for getting access to a private group where you will be coached on the secrets of making money on the internet. This scheme does not have an MLM structure, and you need not sell anything. It is absolutely legal, and all you have to do is broker internet traffic.

Moreover, once you sign up, you get an immediate return of $500, which is a very good proposition. If you really get that money, it is a fantastic deal. Especially since you could go on to make more money in following months.

One of the cons of this entire program is that by watching the promotional video, you get to know very little about the process. There are many things which are not spelled out clearly, which makes it difficult to take the plunge and actually subscribe to the scheme and be a part of the millionaire mentor club.

However, the testimonials from the various people who have tried this out spells out that there are people out there who are making money from this program. And that is exactly what makes you want to go ahead and try it.

Another con of this program is that earning money through affiliate marketing can sometimes be a very slow process. But this is something that Matthews tells you in the promotional video itself. It is a long term investment plan whereby you will take some time to earn money.

But on the other hand, Ryan Matthews is also promising to let you on into a secret six-step process which will make the money making process much faster. So once become a part of the secret millionaire club and get to know the secret process which gives you access to more traffic, you might be able to make serious money online. And the success stories that are shared in the promotional video clearly say that people are making money quite fast. In fact, one woman said that she made more money through My Millionaire Mentor in two months than she had made in two years.

Now, that is something!

The biggest minus of this entire project is previous experience. Whenever we hear about something that promises to give us a lot of money without working hard, it raises our suspicions. Also, there are thousands of scams on the internet which make a fool of people who do not have sufficient knowledge about the topic and subscribe to various programs hoping to make money. In the end, they realize that all of it was a scam.

Conclusion

The good thing about My Millionaire Mentor is that you get to see people for whom this process has worked, and that tends to give you some courage to go ahead and take the plunge. What you need to do is hear Ryan Matthews for yourself. Go to his website and have a look at his promotional video. If you feel that what he is saying is worth giving a try, you can go ahead and become a private member of the millionaire club. It is a conscious decision that you need to take for yourself, now that you already know the pros and cons of the program.

If you think that this is yet another money-making scam on the internet, don’t sign up for it. However, if you think that this program really has the potential to completely turn your life around, go ahead and become one of the protégés of Ryan Matthews. After all, every one of us dreams of having a Lamborghini parked at our garage, and a wonderful, spacious home from where we can see the sunset with our loved ones. There are some dreams that can be fulfilled when you become a millionaire, and if you are a person who nurses such dreams, you might want to try out My Millionaire Mentor to see what’s in store for you.

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Source by David Morgan

Views: 0

February 3, 2020
How Drug Detox Can Help Improve Relationships
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Alcohol and drug abuse is the root cause of many problems in an individual’s life. From developing severe mental health issues and physical troubles to encountering serious challenges in one’s relationships, abuse of illegal substances is linked with innumerable adverse effects.

It is a widely known fact that long-term, committed relationships and substance abuse do not go together. Having a partner who is engaged in drinking or abusing drugs can be an insurmountable challenge, with the negative effects rippling and influencing all the near and dear ones. In worst cases, substance abuse problem can take a heavy toll by causing an emotional distance between the partners, which eventually results in frequent fights and violence at home.

Sadly, a person fighting substance abuse is deprived of the emotional connect with his or her partner resulting in the loss of trust and affection. Overall, such couples have a tough time dealing with this downward spiral, wherein a person drinks or uses drugs to reduce tension arising out of frequent conflicts, and vice versa.

Substance abuse and impact on relationships

A person abusing drugs is very likely to have a poor sex drive and may fail to maintain a healthy sexual relationship. This is because when someone is addicted to any substance, there is no room left for anything else. Some of the telltale signs that the substance abuse problem is negatively affecting one’s relationships are:
- Not taking care of responsibilities or staying out late.
- Rising instances of domestic violence.
- Isolating from friends and relatives to hide the drug or alcohol problem.
- Experiencing financial problems.
When it comes to intimate relationships, believing that one can prevent problems by avoiding sexual relationships post sobriety is incorrect. A complete recovery is possible only when a person gets enough love and care from his or her partner. Since intimate relationships are considered one of the most rewarding parts of human existence, a lack of it can leave people feeling unwanted and incomplete.

For a person recovering from an addiction, lack of sexual relationships might lead him or her to revisit the places that had triggered drug or alcohol abuse.

How detox can be helpful in restoring relationships

When a person fighting substance abuse enters a detox program, he or she needs to work harder to recover from the addiction and regain his or her ability to enjoy fruitful relationships with the loved ones. While undergoing treatment, it is important for a person to not just focus on maintaining sobriety but also reshape his or her habits and old attitudes that could act as a barrier to his or her interpersonal or intimate relationships.

While detoxification might pave the way for a person’s recover from an addiction, it is important to ensure that it also brings back his or her sexual drive. With low self-esteem and confidence, it becomes difficult for the recovering individual to even think about any personal relationship. Undergoing a detox program can be a great help in gaining enough confidence to deal with relationship problems.

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Source by Barbara Odozi

Views: 0
February 2, 2020
How Do I Convince My Husband That I’ve Changed My Ways So He’ll Give Me A Second Chance?

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It’s an awful feeling to be looking back on your marriage with negative hindsight. Sometimes, we don’t see things clearly enough until we’re faced with actually losing them for good. I recently heard from a wife who was experiencing this first hand. Her husband had left her after finally becoming tired of her constantly bending the truth, not treating him in a respectful way, acting irresponsibly, and taking him for granted.

She said, in part: “I was furious with my husband when he left me. I was mad that he would give up on our marriage without giving me any warning first. But after I began to think clearly, I realized that he did give me plenty of warnings but I wasn’t always paying attention. I spent the money that he mostly earned like crazy and put us heavily into debt. I would bend the truth about my activities so I could keep on doing exactly what he wanted. He worked hard while I had the fun. If he mentioned not being happy about this to me, I’d call him a stick in the mud or asked him if he was my father. I flirted with other guys and didn’t show him the respect he deserved. He was nothing but loving, loyal, and good to me, but I didn’t fully appreciate him until now. So now I’m at the point where I fully realize my mistakes and am committed to changing my ways. I’ve gotten a better job and have stopped the spending, lying, and partying. But when I tell him this, he looks at me with doubt in his eyes and doesn’t make any further attempts to see me. If he would only give me a second chance, I could and would prove to him that our marriage could be different. Will he give me that second chance? How can I make sure that he does?” I’ll try to answer these questions below.

Usually, In Order For Your Husband To Give You And Your Marriage A Second Chance, Several Things Need To Happen All At Once: Over time, it became pretty obvious that this wife was sincere. It has been months since her husband had left. And, during that time, she had gotten a job, adjusted her thinking and her behavior, and really embraced a new way of life that the husband had been encouraging and calling for all along.

The wife was frustrated that she’d made all of these changes and yet, despite her repeatedly detailing her mistakes and how she had changed them, her husband still had not been receptive enough to give her another chance or to come home. In fact, he’d started talking about divorce, which was especially upsetting to her.

This wife didn’t understand that in order for your husband to give you a second chance or to be open to a reconciliation, several things need to happen, as follows:

1. Your husband needs to completely believe that, not only have you really and truly changed, but that you understand why you acted the way that you did and are completely remorseful for it. He needs to believe that you now see the attributes in him that you missed before so that you won’t continue to take him for granted.

2. Your husband needs to believe that the changes that you made are lasting and that you didn’t only “change” for his benefit. Many husbands suspect that as soon as he agrees to give you another chance or comes back home, you’ll eventually get comfortable again and resort back to your old ways so that he’s having to deal with the same behaviors over and over again without any escape.

3. Once your husband believes that you’ve made lasting realizations and changes, then he has to perceive that continuing in a relationship or marriage with you is going to be better for him (or make him more happy) than to continue to be alone. Sure, he might believe that it’s possible that you’ve changed. But sometimes, he still feels that too much negativity has happened between you to really salvage the marriage. Or, he doubts if things can ever really “be the same” again.

Identifying And Addressing Any Doubts That Your Husband Might Have About Giving You A Second Chance. Where Is His Reluctance And His Resistance Coming From? Admittedly, I didn’t personally know either the husband or the wife in this scenario. So, I couldn’t pinpoint which of the above 3 factors was keeping the husband from believing his wife or from giving her a second chance. But, if the wife truly observed the husband’s behaviors and listened to the clues he was likely offering her, then she should be able to figure out what truly stood in her way.

Most of the time, this is a gradual process because you have to hang in there in order to keep going long enough to over come what is usually a husband’s considerable resistance and doubt. In truth, this couple had been married for years and yet the wife’s changes had only been around for a few months. The husband likely still had his doubts that the changes were sincere or were truly going to last. And he may have also had his doubts if the two of them could be happy again after he’d walked out on her and given up on the marriage.

The best way to address these doubts was to just continue on with what she was doing and to give the process time to work. Because with time, the husband could likely see that she truly was sincere and absolutely meant what she said. It helps if you can somehow let your husband know that you are incorporating these changes even when he’s not watching you. If a mutual friend or family member comments about the changes in you without your being present, this can help.

Here’s one more point that I would like to make. It’s entirely possible that the husband was slowing warming to the idea that his wife could change, but that he still had his doubts that the marriage could truly be a genuinely easy or happy one. The wife admitted to me that sometimes things were tense when they were together because she was frustrated that her plan didn’t seem to be working. This was something that needed to be avoided in the future.

It’s vitally important that your husband sees you being light hearted, fun loving, and very easy to be around. The relationship and the conversations should be light and should not feel awkward or forced. I know that this sometimes takes some doing, but if every interaction feels or reads negatively, then this will often just reinforce the husband’s belief that the marriage is too far gone to save.

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Source by Leslie Cane

Views: 0

February 1, 2020
A Cardiologist Could Save Your Life

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Everyone has to see a doctor at some point in their lives. Unfortunately there is not one doctor that can diagnose or treat every problem. If you are having any issues or concerns with chest pains, high blood pressure, shortness of breath or issues with your blood vessels your doctor will most likely refer you to a specialist that deals specifically with these types of issues. This specialist is known as a cardiologist and they deal with preventing, diagnosing and treating diseases of the heart and blood vessels.

When you are referred to a cardiologist you can be sure that you are seeing a doctor who is highly trained in a very specific area. These doctors have an extensive educational background which includes four years of medical school and three years of training in general internal medicine. Following that they will spend another three years or more in specialized training. In order for these doctors to become certified they must have completed a minimum of ten years clinical and educational training and then pass a two-day exam that is administered by the American Board of Internal Medicine.

There are a variety of reasons that your doctor might refer you to a cardiologist. If there is any suspicion that you might have a significant heart or related condition you are a good candidate for a referral. Some patients that have heart murmurs or any signs of change in their ECG will also be good candidates for a referral. These doctors will be involved in the treatment of any heart attack, heart rhythm disturbances or heart failure. They are also very involved in helping patients who are affected by heart disease return to a normal life and they counsel patients about the risks as well as the prevention of heart disease.

Every patient has a different experience with a cardiologist. All patients will be required to undergo an initial consultation where the doctor will review their medical history and perform a physical examination. This examination may be a little more in-depth than what patients are used to and may include such things as having their blood pressure, weight, heart, lungs and blood vessels checked. Depending on the patient’s symptoms and the doctor’s findings on the examination a diagnosis may be made at that point. In some cases additional testing such as an ECG, x-ray or blood test may be required in order to make a definitive diagnosis. Pending the results and diagnosis the doctor may recommend medication or some lifestyle changes.

For some people the thought of going to a doctor is scary at any age. The thought of being referred to a specialist may be even more frightening for some people. It is important to remember that your doctor would not make a referral to a specialist unless they truly thought it was necessary. It is always better to be cautious and if there are any concerns about issues pertaining to the heart you definitely want to be in the hands of an experienced cardiologist.

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Source by Aloysius Aucoin

Views: 1

January 31, 2020
My Wife Treats Me Like Dirt – The Truth About the Husband You Must Be to Get Respect From a Wife!

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If you’re saying my wife treats me like dirt, then you’re probably thinking that it’s going to be nearly impossible to get her to worship you.

However it is possible, though it may take a little bit of work.

But most important is that you know what makes a wife worship her husband in the first place.

How to Be Able to Stop Saying My Wife Treats Me Like Dirt…

Okay, so most husbands who get into this situation get it totally wrong. They actually become exactly the opposite of who they have to be for their wives to respect them.

It’s probably the most common mistake that husbands make.

There’s a few reasons why this happens, and to understand HOW to stop it from happening…to understand how to make your wife stop treating you like dirt, you have to understand WHY it’s happening.

First…You’ve Lost Site of the Relationship FACT The fact is that your marriage is simply just another relationship. All relationships have certain dynamics that are inherent. We sometimes try to get past this, because we try to romanticize our marriages.

That only works in the beginning, in the honeymoon stages.

The fact is that in EVERY relationship there is always a dominant party, who has the upperhand. When I say dominant, I don’t mean that you have to be dominant in a harsh way. Of course you MUST NEVER be physically abusive in anyway. In a marriage, there are ways (traits that YOU must maintain) that keeps you having the upperhand.

You having the upperhand actually means a much happier marriage in the long run. That’s because you become the husband that your wife truly wants.

Second…Your Wife Doesn’t Know What She Wants in a Husband This one is a bit tricky. You see, your wife instinctively, down to her DNA wants you to be a certain type of husband. However society has made her think that she wants another type of man.

Basically she really instinctively to her core – as far back as her cave woman ancestors -wants you to be an ALPHA MALE. A true leader. However society has made her consciously think she wants you to be a submissive sissy of a husband. But we know through addictions and habits that instinct and biological forces always prevail.

Third…You’ve Become the Wuss to Make Life Easier So here’s the deal. You’ve lost your alpha male status (if you ever had it, most men don’t) simply because it was easier. It’s easier not to have to pass all of the tests that your wife will throw your way to make sure you are the alpha male that she wants down deep inside.

And so you don’t have to argue and here nagging, you submit, and become a sissy of a man to put it bluntly. More scientifically you become a beta male. Or in the pick up artists community (and these guys understand human dynamics probably better than nearly anyone) you become an Average Frustrated Chump.

I understand this completely because frankly, I did the same thing. And the reason is because it’s tons and tons easier.

Fourth…You React in the Wrong Manner to Her Drama This may be the toughest part but when you react to your wife treating you like dirt, you’re likely doing it in the exact opposite way that you should. Most of the time the way a husband reacts to this only makes the problem worse, and actually confirms in your wife’s mind what she already knows…that you’ve got beta qualities, rather than Alpha.

Sadly, this is usually the head factor in you having to say my wife treats me like dirt.

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Source by Jason T. Nelson

Views: 0

January 31, 2020
Implementing the Character’s Emotion

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Now that you’ve made your choices, how do you generate these emotions and make them readable to the audience? And in doing so, does the actor actually feel the emotions or simulate them? These are the questions often asked about portraying the emotion.

It stands to reason if you want to affect the audience and move them, you, playing a credible character, must feel these emotions. But you must feel them in such a way that they are conveyed to the audience. The degree to which you feel each emotion will depend upon the method used to carry out this feat and your ability to master it.

Actors involved in what is termed “Method Acting” use the affective memory to generate emotions. Here the actor recalls a specific event in his own life that has produced the required feeling. For example, remembering a fight you had with another student in high school could arouse the emotion of anger. Recalling the death of a close relative might generate the emotion of grief. The actor has to go back, replay the experience leading to the desired emotion, and relive those moments in his mind. Through this method, the required emotion is revived.

There are some benefits and also some dangers in this type of emotional generation. Usually, emotions derived this way seem real and deeply moving, more so to the actor than the audience. That’s because there is a tendency to internalize these emotions so much that they are not fully evident to the viewer. The method does make producing emotions seemingly easy, but at a price.

You will find that emotions take time to evolve naturally and resist abrupt changes when deeply seated in ones memories. This is one reason few method actors make it big in comedy. The changes come too quickly and the method actor usually lacks the required emotional agility. Likewise, the method process takes up valuable rehearsal and production time as the crew and cast wait for the actor to call up the right emotion.

Actors using the method are likely to develop a self-indulgent feel “good” attitude which gravitates towards feelings closest to them and more comfortable for them to generate. The performance then becomes one that portrays the actor’s reality and not that of the character’s. You can see how this may stifle the actor’s imagination and limit the search for emotional truth. The method can likewise put a strain on the actor’s psyche. Using past events, some best left forgotten, can lead to situations where it affects the actor’s mental stability.

Another danger is that of becoming bored with affected memory when repeated retakes or performances are required. There is also the possibility of being so caught up in past events one does not relate as the character.

Another way to generate emotions is to rely on our emotional conditioning, the response to the word for each feeling, and the ability of the body to remember the resulting psychical (of the mind) and physical manifestations. This is the most simple way to produce a whole galaxy of emotions with little effort on our part. Through our childhood development, we are conditioned by the meaning of words, especially with regard to feelings. We respond to them without any conscious thought.

Consider what happens when you are reading a good book or script. You become involved in the story and the characters. You see and feel their imaginary lives. And when you read the action description:

She looks at his mangled body, then turns away in horror.

The word itself is the key to what she felt. We don’t have to stop, reflect back on our own life and re-experience some past event. The response is there before we have time to think. The word itself is the signal to release all the information we have on that emotion and to invoke an immediate physical response.

This response, while different for each person, still has common traits and a behavior that tells others which emotion is being felt. It’s almost a language in itself and a part of our non-verbal communications.

The answer lies in the fact that in physiological terms, all emotions have similar traits. That is to say, if we were to test the breathing, heart rate, skin temperature, etc., of two people, one feeling rage and the other joy, the “physiological” signs would be similar. Only the face, gestures, and movements would signal which emotion they were actually feeling. But the flush face, the pulse and breathing rate, etc., all signifying the energy behind the emotion, would determine the size of the emotion.

Through this process we have learned how to reach and find the emotion. But now, we must learn to nurture these feelings, making them big enough for the performance and adapting them to build credible characters.

As we said before, emotions are feelings large enough to change your life or destroy it. They need to be powerful feelings, but all that you start with is the small sensation that the name of the emotion evokes. How can we make it bigger?

As the word for the emotion is read, the actor feels a response centered somewhere in his body. For instance, the emotion “fear” might be felt in the stomach. For another actor, it might be in the shoulders and neck. “Suspicion” causes a response around the eyes. “Lust” in the hips or groin. “Desire” could be centered in the lips or eyes.

For each actor, the physical response will vary. But the important thing is that the actor feels these responses and gains awareness of the physical symptoms in various parts of his body.

How do we increase this energy level? There is a technique taught by Don Richardson, a well know TV director. It entails having the actor do some physical exercise, such as push-ups, until he’s completely out of breath. Then after a few moments, have him go directly into the scene with his intention and emotion located and his energy level at a peak. The result is astounding for the actor has no choice but to emote fully.

The next step is to start from a totally relaxed state, retaining the selected intention and emotion, and then adding what one felt at the peak when doing the push-ups. The small emotion is now fired up by a burst of adrenaline flowing through the system as the body recalls the effect of the push-ups. The emotion is thus achieved on a large-scale as the body remembers the intense physiological state attained earlier.

Now the emotion has to be adapted to create your specific character and make him credible. Credible emotions evolve out of the character’s perception of reality, their past experiences (emotional conditioning), and their struggles as they strive toward their goals. Character traits also play an important role in how emotions are adapted. For instance, is the person you are portraying mainly rational, mainly emotional, or a balance of the two, and as a result, would the feelings be out flowing, repressed, or even denied? Is there a great deal of inner conflict where the emotions hinder the character from attaining his objectives? What is the dynamic range of feelings, deep, shallow, explosive, etc? All these questions entail a good deal of research into creating the emotional side of a credible character.

To assist you in this regard, I’ve compiled discussions on the various root emotions. These will aid you in adapting emotions to your specific character needs as well as improving your emotional range and awareness.

The third way is indicating the emotions through mechanical acting. In this approach, the actor imitates the physical responses, mimicking the feelings as displayed by others.

People often look down on mechanical acting. Yet sometimes, it becomes a necessity, either as a training or rehearsal tool exploring possible expressions and gestures, or when the actor’s capabilities cannot fulfill the complex demands of the scene. Demands such as acting style, blocking, stage business, and/or quick precise attitude and emotional changes. In such situations, producing the proper emotional illusion through a mechanical response will, at least, get the actor through these difficult moments. In addition, the director may specify certain emotional responses to attain his vision of the story, responses that may later be embellished by editing, music, and sound effects.

In certain types of performances, particularly comedy sketches, parities, certain sit-coms, and stand up comedy, experience with mechanical acting is helpful. This is because the focus is centered on dialogue emphasis, precise timing, and clarity of attitudes. Likewise, exaggerated surface emotions have the potential to change unexpectedly while deeply felt realistic emotions lack this agility.

This is not to say that the actor can not feel these emotions. In fact, he may feel them strongly, but the expression begins as a duplication of some physical response. Life studies, the observing of real people, nurture such emotional beginnings.

ROOT EMOTIONS

Root emotions are active feelings that clearly convey what is felt by the characters. They do not include happiness, sadness, sorrow, loneliness, or nervousness as these are not an emotion, but state of being. The state of being is the result of an emotion. Root emotions, on the other hand, are the cause and have the potential to affect change.

Certain weak and complex emotions should likewise be avoided. Self-pity is weak in that it plays an effect and is often resented by the audience. Disinterest and boredom are likewise poor choices as there is no active force to motivate the character.

Love is also a poor choice in that it is a complex emotion made up of many other feelings. Playing the feeling of love immobilizes the character rather than inviting action. A better choice would be to play a definitive emotion such as desire, lust, joy, exhilaration, or exaltation. In an unstable relationship, other emotions such as jealousy, suspicion, bewilderment, guilt, or embarrassment, along with certain other emotions, could be used. By using one single root emotion at a time, subtle shadings within the realm of love can be clarified as well as changes in the intensity.

The emotions of the characters also plays into the psychological experience of the audience. It might be the voyeurism of spying on the character’s intimate moments. It could also be the vicarious experience of identifying with character’s situation or problems. It could also be the visceral feelings we experience as we watch the scene unfold, emotions moving us and giving us a sense of being entertained. Strong emotional choices and well-portrayed feelings, ones that connect with the viewer, can make for interesting and memorable scenes. They can help create anticipation, arouse curiosity, and hook us enough to be intrigue and involved.

I’ve divided the most frequently used root emotions into five different categories. Each category is further clarified as to the focus of the emotion as well as the general clarifications.

ROOT EMOTIONS

DARK EMOTIONS (Active – Directed at or against someone, something.)

Rage

Anger

Hatred

Contempt

Jealousy

Envy

SURVIVAL ORIENTED (Reactionary – Selfish – Focus usually on the expected or imagined.)

Terror

Horror

Fear

Dread

Despair

Grief

Suspicion

Apprehension

GOAL ORIENTED (To find, to obtain, to provide – Focus usually on wants.)

Revenge

Ambition

Greed

Hope

Desire

Lust

Determination

Compassion

Curiosity

EGO ORIENTED (Self evaluation & result – Focus usually on masking or repressing the emotion.)

Guilt

Shame

Indignation

Intimidation

Embarrassment

Resentment

BRIGHT EMOTIONS (Enjoyable – upbeat – Focus usually on the continued enjoyment.)

Exaltation

Joy

Pride

Exhilaration

Wonderment

Bewilderment

In review, root emotions motivate you to fight for something, to change your (the character’s) life or destroy him (the character’s dramatic soul). To be a strong sympathetic character, always play the fighter’s side of the emotion, thinking you can win rather than loose. The physical look of one particular emotion will vary depending on the story situation, the characters, and the natural casting chemistry within and between actors.

To further your knowledge on this subject, explore the physical sensations, sources, forms, and dynamics of the most common root emotions. Observe emotions in life as well as performances. What are the defining characteristics? Such research will also serve as a guide in stretching the clarity, strength, and polarity of your emotional repertoire.

This chapter has covered the basic skills used in building and implementing dramatic emotions. Use these skills as tools to nurture and release the character’s true feelings, and make them readable to the audience. Most important, create emotions that serve the story, its genre and purpose.

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Source by Erik Sean McGiven

Views: 0

January 30, 2020
Timeshare Sales Techniques – The Statement of Intent

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The statement of intent is an excellent sales tool for establishing a number of things right at the beginning of your sales presentation. Firstly and most importantly it is used to calm your clients down and make them feel more comfortable about being on a Timeshare or Holiday Club presentation.

Once you have collected your clients from the reception, have them seated correctly in the warm up area and ordered their drinks, you should give them what is known in the Timeshare Industry as “The Statement of Intent”. Or “Breaking of the pact”

Your clients are probably very nervous, either because of a past personal experience on a Timeshare presentation, or because of all the bad press and warnings they have read or heard about what happens when you attend a Timeshare sales presentation.

The easiest way to alleviate their fears is let them know exactly what is going to happen during their presentation. People only fear the unknown. So if you let them know what to expect and in what order. They will normally calm down immediately.

A good statement of intent should go something like this:

“Ok John and Mary, while we’re waiting for our drinks to arrive let me tell you exactly what’s going to happen while you’re with me here today”. “Firstly I’m going to ask you to help me with a brief holiday survey about where you’ve been in the past, where you would like to go in the future, and what you’ve liked or disliked about some of the holidays you’ve taken in the past. It’s a very important part of my job as the information people like you give us, help my company to keep up to date with the ever changing holiday trends and stay ahead of the competition, then I’m going to show you around the resort and you will see why we now have so many members in my holiday club and you’ll realise the benefits that my members get from being part of such a large and well established holiday company, at the end of my presentation you will be given the option of either saying no thanks, in which case I will make sure you get any gifts you have been promised and a taxi back to your hotel, or you can choose to join the other thousands of families who said yes and are now enjoying the many benefits of being part of my club and I will make sure my manager is available to sort out the best possible deal at the best possible price, either way the choice will be yours.” “All I ask is that you allow me to do a full presentation and answer all your questions before you make your choice.” “Is that fair enough?”

Now get all parties to agree and shake all their hands. At this point you must confirm that they are OK for time, that they’re not rushing of to meet any one in half an hour and they haven’t left Grandma alone on the beach in full sunshine.

Apart from relaxing your clients and making them more open minded, you will have also got rid of the time problem. If they start pushing you to speed things up you can just remind them that they agreed to allow you to do a full presentation and you shook hands on it.

Your clients will have agreed to give you at least ninety minutes. It’s up to you to turn that ninety minutes into a three hour presentation that ends in a deal!

They won’t even notice the time if you, entertain them, win them over, and close them using the “Simple Selling Skills” you’ll be learning when you keep dropping by my site on a weekly basis.

See you next week.

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Source by Alan Roy Hocking

Views: 0

January 29, 2020
Terminal Wealth Dispersion, Life Expectancy and Individual Retirement Accounts

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Terminal wealth dispersion is the technical term that describes the variability of the future value of investment portfolios. This inevitable variability means that no one knows what the value of their investment portfolio will be when they reach retirement age or at any time during their retirement. And the uncertainty of individual’s life expectancies compounds this problem.

Hedging against the risks associated with these two factors places an onerous burden on individuals. Although this hedging could result in a very comfortable retirement, if one can afford the hedge and their timing is right, the potential downside risk is so great that it may be deemed unacceptable by many individuals. So one has to ask “Do individuals really prefer to forgo a sure but modest retirement income and play the odds with their retirement savings in hopes of being very well off in retirement?”

With individual accounts, individuals lose the benefit of the pooling of risks. The two risks that force individuals to over-save are investment risk and the risk of living beyond the average life expectancy. In both cases the outcomes, terminal wealth and life span, are highly variable. When the risks are pooled for a large number of individuals over many overlapping life spans, the average outcomes are highly predictable, which is what makes traditional pension plans work so well.

Traditional pension plans exist, for all intents and purposes, in perpetuity. This being the case, they can build reserves during good times in the financial markets and weather the bad times, thus enabling them to make consistent payouts to retirees regardless of the timing of their retirement. Unfortunately, individuals do not get to choose their holding periods or the years of their retirement and must take whatever comes along, and what comes along might be good or it might be bad. Thus individuals must set savings goals that are sufficiently high to hedge against the risk of the average return of an investment portfolio over its holding period falling well short of that which would be expected very long term.

The relatively short duration of individual’s holding periods leave them very susceptible to the effects of market cycles, which are notoriously unpredictable in amplitude and frequency. Being broadly diversified mitigates this risk but does not eliminate it, as it’s entirely possible for a worldwide bear market to occur during one’s holding period. Then at the end of the holding period for wealth accumulation, a second holding period begins, which will be the term of retirement, and this second holding period carries the same risks as the first, but at a time in life when there is no source of income to make up for portfolio under-performance.

The other component of risk that individuals must hedge is the risk represented by the uncertainty of one’s life span, which means that individuals must aim even higher when setting their savings goals. The managers of large pension plans can depend on retirees living on average for only the average life expectancy of employees who reach retirement age. The average life expectancy for someone who reaches the age of 66 is currently 82 years, and 66 is currently the age when workers are eligible for full Social Security benefits, which makes it a reasonable baseline. Based on those assumptions, the average term of retirement would be 18 years and pension plans should only have to be funded to the extent necessary to cover the cost of this average term of retirement.

Individuals, however, don’t know how long they’re going to live, so they must over-save to ensure that they don’t run out of money before they run out of time. This need to over-save is independent of the first need, thus the need to over-save is compounded, i.e., an individual needs to save enough to cover the cost of living well beyond the average life expectancy and the targeted amount of savings at retirement age must be great enough to ensure with a reasonably high level of certainty that the actual amount on hand at retirement is at least the bare minimum necessary to get by on.

A popular estimate of the term of retirement for which individuals must plan is 30 years. Saving enough to cover the cost of a 30-year retirement is a much greater burden than saving for an 18-year retirement, but planning on a shorter retirement exposes individuals to tremendous risk. It also exposes taxpayers to tremendous risk, as individuals who outlive their savings will undoubtedly require some form of public assistance to make ends meet and are likely to become wards of the state when they become physically incapable of caring for themselves.

An individual who bases their retirement saving on living to the age of 96 but only lives to be 82 will have forgone a lot of pleasures in life, such as travel, fine dining and better vehicles, that they could otherwise have enjoyed. But many individuals just don’t have the level of income required to support the saving rate necessary to amass the wealth required to hedge against the downside of terminal wealth dispersion and the possibility of living well past the average life expectancy. For them it’s not a matter of forgone consumption, it’s a matter of going through life with the knowledge that they are likely to spend their golden years living in abject poverty and that that will be their reward for 40 or 50 years of hard work. And it gets worse!

Some economists now believe that within 15 years or so, given the current rate of health care inflation, 100% of Social Security benefits will be spent on medical expenses: Medicare Parts B and D premiums, copayments, uncovered expenses and medigap insurance premiums. If that becomes the case, anyone without substantial savings or a defined benefit pension will be looking for public assistance the day after they retire. Although this is probably a worse case scenario, there is a general consensus that individuals retiring today will need to set aside approximately $180,000 for medical expenses not covered by basic Medicare.

With the situation already at this state, adding private Social Security accounts to the mix would be like throwing gas on a fire, as individual Social Security accounts carry the same risks as other individual retirement accounts. Those who have tried to kill Social Security since its inception find private accounts very appealing. But, not so coincidentally, most of them seem to be in the enviable position of not needing Social Security to support their retirement. More recently, younger workers, too, have come to oppose Social Security, but not for the same reason as the traditional opponents. Young workers may be crushed by the growing burden of Social Security and may never receive any benefits from the system. Those who oppose Social Security simply because it’s a social program should be expending their efforts on reforming it rather than killing it.

If Social Security had been managed like a pension plan rather than the ilconceived system it is, with today’s workers paying for yesterday’s workers’ retirement, its current situation wouldn’t be so dire. Indeed, it might very well be a fully funded, functional system. CalPERS and other large public employee retirement plans have operated successfully for decades, with success being defined as being able to meet their obligations, not having an adverse effect on the financial markets, no scandalous events attributable to malfeasance by the plans’ sponsors and being free of influence from elected officials. There’s no reason that Social Security can’t also be managed in such a manner. It would literally take an act of Congress to do this, but the hardest part for Congress would be letting the system run without their interfering with its operation.

Passing off the burden of retirement to individuals was a great deal for corporations but it’s a very poor deal for most individuals, and extending individual accounts to include the Social Security system would only make a bad situation worse. It’s not a poor deal for all individuals because there will be some who can afford to save a substantial portion of their income and whose holding periods will coincide with bull markets, thus putting their wealth in the upper range of their terminal wealth dispersion, and who also live a long, healthy life. They will be the ones who benefit from over-saving and living beyond the average life expectancy, but they may end up forfeiting a portion of their wealth in the form of taxes to support the less fortunate. I don’t believe that is what the public expects from a well-conceived system.

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Source by Mike Kennedy

Views: 0

January 29, 2020
Quick Guide to Build Good Habits and Break Bad Ones

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Most of us find ourselves doing something that people wish we’re able to stop. Bad habits can certainly become elements of our lives, keeping us back, or annoying us (and our family members).

Here are quick guides to build good habits and break bad ones:

Identify The Habit You Need To Change First

You have to notice your unfavourable habits first. You must first notice that you have a habit that you would like to improve. If you really know what that habit is, then you can deal with it. Most of us already have lots of cons that we wish to change. Don’t make an effort to attack everything simultaneously, though. Prioritize your bad habits, and choose the one to give attention to first.

Take Small Steps

Depending on the habit involved, small steps might be needed to be taken to be able to succeed. While some individuals are lucky when they quit smoking frosty turkey, not everyone succeeds with this technique. They could need to step back by smoking lesser cigarettes each day, or looking for other ways that could help them step back little by little. Also, in a situation whereby you wish to stop watching TV. In the event that you are being used to watching 4 hours of TV every night, it will be hard just stopping. You will need to reduce 1 hour out of the time at first. Make your changes little by little, but surely in a manner that is manageable for you if you need to help make the changes in your daily life “stick”.

Substitute Bad Habits With Good Habits

You’ll be more successful if you substitute a bad habit with a good habit in most cases. Many number of people replace smoking cigarette with gnawing sugar-free gum. If you want to get over a bad habit, it’s vital that you look for a good habit to substitute it with. Slowly but surely, the good habit can be your normal habit and the bad behavior will disappear.

Try a Challenge

Most times, it benefits to truly have a challenge when you really wish to get rid of unfavourable habits. Get one of these weeklong a challenge to start out, to see if you can do something different for a whole week. Afterwards, you can extend the challenge. Another strategy is to have a thirty-day challenge. They state that it takes twenty-one days to build up a habit, so a thirty-day challenge should help you substitute your unhealthy habit with a good one.

After Success With One Habit, Tackle The Next

Once you’ve acquired success with one habit, move to another on your list. Be sure you recognize your good endeavors and then consider what other bad habits you need to get gone. The fact that you have previously been successful once is likely to increase your self-assurance in your capability to move to the next habit, allowing you to substitute it faster than you did the previous habit. If you can continue with this exercise through your list such as this, it’s likely you’ll find that you truly can substitute the majority of your bad habits with good and change your overall life for the better.

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Source by Reshali Balasubramaniam

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January 28, 2020