Tag: Cut

  • Turbomachine expander offers efficient, safe strategy for heating, cooling

    Turbomachine expander offers efficient, safe strategy for heating, cooling

    A new device to help homeowners cut electricity bills could also provide more efficient and safer cooling options for companies and vehicles.

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  • Entrepreneurship – Craze of Present Generation

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    An Entrepreneurship sets up an enterprise for profit motive and rightly so. But if you start your business with the 'Show me the money' attitude, rest be assured that you will not go very far!

    Ever wondered why in the world of Entrepreneurship, some carve a niche for themselves and stand out from the crowd, while others, even though successful, have a mundane existence?

    Well it all lies on certain qualities that an Entrepreneur may possess or the way certain activities are conducted by him / her. Here are special skills which you need to hone to become the Successful Entrepreneur.

    Everybody has a certain goal in life which just refuses to go away or change. You must understand this goal to be the calling of your life. Write down this goal – It will time and again remind you, how important it is to achieve this goal and will not let you sleep until you achieve it and become a celebrated Entrepreneur.

    Share your Dream with Right people – Law of Entrepreneurship

    In this world of make belief, you should be able to distinguish between the good, bad and the ugly. Many Entrepreneurial dreams die a quite death because somebody labeled it 'stupid' and constantly put you down until you also started believing your dream to be stupid and chose to abandon it. Share your dreams with only those whom you trust and are actually the propellers of your life.

    Find yourself a Mentor – Key Role in Entrepreneurship

    Someone who has already been there after many trials and turbulence is the right person to advice you. Somebody who has been there and done with can impart some priceless wisdom which you can use to carve a niche for yourself. But you must be very clear about what you will gain from the mentor-men-tee relationship. This will determine whom you can tap for assistance. The right Mentor will always short-cut your leaning process and give you the push you need and help you to stay task focused.

    Observe deeply and Practice Incessantly

    An Entrepreneur must consciously set aside some quite time to take on board any new ideas, things to learn and allow your mind to wander. You never know what your 'downtime' can fetch your business! Similarly only incessant practice will make an Entrepreneur perfect. Short cuts have never helped anyone in life. It is only your endurance for more and more practice that will give you results.

    Seek Challenges in Life

    The yardstick of success of an Entrepreneur is measured by the challenges he / she has overcome. Never be scared to consciously seek challenges in your Entrepreneurial life. Remember challenges are not setback of life. They are simply life's way of requesting you to make full use of the resources and tools available with you to resolve them.

    As an Entrepreneur you must have the skill set to select the right tool at the right time to overcome the challenge.

    Welcome Criticism – Challenge in Entrepreneurship

    In your journey as an Entrepreneur, be ready to welcome criticism from associates / citizens / clients / and sometimes even friends and family. There will be people out, there highly critical of your product / service. You must possess the gall to take such criticism in your stride and take them positively. If praise motivates you, then criticism must stimulate you to do better and better, not the opposite. If you cannot accept criticism, then your ego is getting in the way of your best judgement.

    Be Self Driven not Ego Driven

    An Entrepreneur must be proud, confident, self assured but not ego driven. Be humble and let your feet be planted firmly on the ground. Let your actions and achievements speak for you, not your boating and bragging. The more you brag, the more will sound phony. Remember, it is the empty vessel which makes the most noise.

    Carve a niche for yourself

    An entrepreneur must try to find out his niche area. Each of us has a special ability, a quite story which sets us apart from others. Play around with this strength and craft your own persona. Of you try to become a carbon copy of some you admire, you will never be able to make a name for yourself. Remember, the original always looks better than the copy. So leave your idol on the pedestal to be admired from a distance.

    What Goes Around Comes Back.

    As an Entrepreneur, you must try and help and benefit others. Give whatever you have in abundance- your time. your service or knowledge to those who are badly in need of it. You will be amazed at what you stand to gain when you give it to others.

    Value Learning over Money – Basics of Entrepreneurship

    An Entrepreneur sets up an enterprise for profit motive and rightly so. But if you start your business with the 'Show me the money' attitude, rest be assured that you will not go very far! Instead show humility and value what you have learnt in your journey as an Entrepreneur. Money will follow you steadily and surely, if you apply what you have learnt.

    Be Thankful

    Be thankful that you could become an Entrepreneur, be thankful that you could learn your failures, be thankful that you are at the receiving end of so many blessings and above all, be thankful that you are alive!

    Gratitude always unlocks the fullness of your life and indeed will make you the celebrated "A Successful" Entrepreneur.

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    Source by Akshay Lendey

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  • Debt Cure$ – Book Review

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    By: Kevin Trudeau (2008)

    ISBN 978-0-9798258-1-1

    Book Price: $25.95

    Exposing the greatest rip off

    Kevin Trudeau is one of the leading consumer advocates in America today. His mission is to expose the greed that has taken over corporate America. Kevin is a bestselling author who has sold over 15 Million books. He is blowing the lid off the banking and credit card industry, and exposing the greatest rip off in USA’s history!

    Eliminate debt

    Kevin Trudeau presents 26 chapters helping readers to eliminate debt. He discusses, negotiation (Ch. 5), reducing interest rates (Ch. 6), turning from bankruptcy (Ch. 15), stopping debt collectors from harassing you (Ch. 20), achieving wealth (Ch. 21), rebuilding credit (Ch. 22), free money (Ch. 24), more free money (Ch. 24.5), & more!

    Reducing debt’s hold

    Kevin Trudeau is clinical, precise and personable in this revealing book. He presents, “The practices of the industry are designed to make sure you are late on your monthly payments, to make sure you go over the limit on your credit cards, and to make sure that the enormous fees and incredibly high interest rates continue to go up and up.”

    Mr. Trudeau points to cultural keys for debt in society, declaring, “People turn to their credit cards when they are in crisis mode, to simply help them get by… We are a convenience-oriented society, and credit cards are convenient.”

    Kevin releases simple, practical steps for reeling in debt. He explains, “The absolute worse thing for you to do about your debt is to do nothing… You need to know your current situation in order to move forward… a balance sheet is a financial snapshot that shows your current financial health… what you made and what you spent… “

    Encouraging words release motivation for readers. Trudeau states, “When you take control of your financial health, every area of your life improves. You can sleep better… you feel less stressed… not so tense… “

    Concise data reveals powerful solutions. Kevin expresses, “Even as little as $15 every two weeks applied to your mortgage can cut one and a half years off!” And “The banks and the lenders do not want us to know that we can reduce our payments, reduce our interest, and reduce the life of the loan.” All of this information is available here.

    Breaking free from the financial industry

    Kevin Trudeau successfully provides a powerful tool for helping readers break free from the financial industry.

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    Source by Dr. Steven J. Lynne

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  • Self-Healing Cutting Mats – How to Cut Them to Size

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    A self-healing cutting mat (or rhino cutting mat as they are also known) is an extremely useful tool for any professional in the signage industry, as well as for printers, designers, dressmakers and many other craftspeople. They provide a large cutting surface that is safe for a rotary cutter and can be used again and again without leaving score marks. They can be purchased in standard sizes from medium to super-size and often are available in custom sizes to fit a particular production table or counter.

    However there are times when you need to cut your rhino mat to size. Perhaps you’ve moved it from a larger table to a smaller one, perhaps custom sizes weren’t available or were more expensive? So what is the best way of trimming a self-healing cutting mat to size?

    Clean cut

    If you want to keep mess to a minimum, scoring is the answer. Score it a long a straight edge, apply bending pressure and then score again. It will cut through quickly and cleanly this way.

    Quick and messy

    A circular saw will do the job in no time if you don’t mind clearing up the mess! Make sure you have your industrial vacuum cleaner handy.

    Curved edges, irregular shapes

    If your production space has curved edges or an irregular shape, try cutting the mat in place to fit the shape with a router. Clamp the mat in place and use a flush trim bit, running it all the way round the table. This is also quick and easy, if a little messy.

    Once you have your rhino cutting mat trimmed to exactly the right size your production table will be all set up for cutting, trimming and all those other tasks. If you have some reasonably sized off-cuts don’t throw them away. They can be used to make mini cutting mats for smaller jobs, or portable cutting mats for when you are out and about and need to do some last minute trimming alterations. Even a small A4 size piece is handy, so trim the off cuts into usable pieces and keep them for future use.

    Of course many places that supply self-healing cutting mats will cut them to custom sizes for no extra charge, so do check first when buying a new one. You could easily save yourself the trouble of cutting yours to size and have it delivered already a perfect fit for your table.

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    Source by Jo Connelly

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  • Whatever Happened to Customer Service?

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    In the old movie, Miracle on 34th Street, the Macy’s Santa sends customers to rival store Gimbels for products that Macy’s does not have. After a management outcry, it then turns out that customers really appreciate this service and become more loyal to Macy’s than ever before.

    Retailers today have forgotten that lesson. Everybody is looking to cut costs. Customer service is no longer considered a revenue generator, so it’s one of the first things on the chopping block when a retailer starts tightening its belt.

    Good customer service is good business. It creates repeat customers. Repeat customers are what every retailer wants because it is far less expensive from a marketing standpoint to sell to a former customer than to bring in new customers.

    Retailers no longer know what makes “good” customer service. The general feeling is that if the product leaves the store and does not come back, everything is fine. Customer service is only for the “problems” and the job of customer service is to make the problems go away at the least possible cost. The less interaction between the store and the customer, the better.

    Superior customer service demands extensive interaction between the customer and the retailer. In my Internet company we look for every possible opportunity to contact and engage the customer. Once a customer has placed an order, the company will contact them at least four times during the 4 week period between the sale and the delivery. The first contact is to acknowledge the order and thank the customer for her (or his) purchase. At that time the customer receives information about the production and delivery process and they are encouraged to call if there are any questions. A second contact is made shortly before production is complete The third contact is made when the product is actually shipped. At this time, there is a detailed description of what the delivery process will entail. There is also a tracking number provided so that the product can be tracked by the customer during the shipping process. The fourth contact is after delivery when each customer is contacted to find out whether they are happy with the product or whether some additional followup is needed.

    When we receive a request for one of our free catalogs, we send it along with a letter noting that we also offer free fabric swatches and free design advice. When an order is placed, we acknowledge the order electronically, then send an email personally thanking the customer. We notify them when the product (in our case sofas) is about to be shipped. We notify them again after it has shipped. Most important, we contact the customer after the product has been received to make sure that everything is OK and that there are no problems. In doing this, sometimes there is a minor problem that the customer might not have mentioned but which distracts from the enjoyment of the sofa — for example a cushion feels too firm. We send out free, softer replacement cushions. The result is that instead of having a silent but disappointed customer, we now have a very happy buyer who enthusiastically recommends us to friends and family. The cost of the extra cushions is a marketing cost.

    The secret behind outstanding customer service is simply to put yourself in the place of the customer. What would you want the company to do if you were the customer? Treat the customer the way you want to be treated.

    1. Answer telephone calls promptly. It is amazing how grateful a customer can be when they realize they are speaking with a real live knowledgeable person who can answer their questions.

    2. Respond to emails and phone messages promptly. All emails phone calls should be handled as quickly as possible, hopefully in less than one hour.

    3. Be honest. It is amazing how often salespeople feel that telling the truth gets in the way of making a sale. If a microfiber fabric already has a stain protector built in and does not need the optional spray protector, tell the customer. Once you have saved them from spending an unnecessary $50, they will trust you completely and might even be willing to forgive minor glitches that may pop up. If a sofa won’t be finished by the promised deadline, call as soon as you are aware of the problem.

    4. Under-promise — If a delivery will take 3 weeks, estimate 4. Customers are usually delighted when something is ready ahead of schedule.

    5. Maximize contact with the customer. This does not mean sending frequent ads or spam. It means keeping the customer informed of the progress of their order up to and after delivery.

    6. Be knowledgeable about your products and your company. If you don’t know the answer to a question, find out quickly.

    7. Surprise and amaze your customer — give them something they do not expect. This can be as simple as delivering your product one week eaarly, or it can involve giving an upgrade at no charge. This is particularly important when an error has been made and you are trying to correct it. Go farther than your customer expects and they will change from disgruntled critics to enthusiastic supporters.

    Retail stores have been cutting back on customer service for years. As competition grows and profit margins shrink, customer service is one of the first places to cut back. Everyone who has ever tried to call a computer company for technical assistance and winds up talking to someone from India knows the problem. Corporate bean counters forget that with good customer service you can earn better margins. You are not forced to fight over who can offer the lowest price. Besides, it’s just nicer working in a friendly environment. When you have happy customers, you have happy employees.

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    Source by Jeff Frank

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  • Welding Jobs: Ideas You Can Use At Home To Make Money Welding (No Boss While You Make $100,000)

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    What if you could make $100,000 a year welding from home?

    What if you could make even an extra $500 a month from home, using your current skills? If you are a welder with basic welding skills and you are between jobs or you are being under paid in your current job, it might be worth your time to read this article – let’s think outside the box for just a minute on how you can make money welding from home.

    From Home Welding # 1:

    Teaching or tutoring any skill is a very profitable business. In any town of any size you’ll see at least one tutoring business in a strip mall brick and mortar location. In that same town will be at least a dozen other tutors working from home, making good money.

    Yes, most of the time they are tutoring math and reading to students. Lean back and think about what skills you have that can also be used in a tutoring business you can set up and milk cash from, like milk from a cow.

    Let’s say you are good enough with TIG to weld razor blades or pop can butts.

    If you can teach a non welder to operate a TIG torch good enough to go on and practice on their own at their home in about 3 hours of your hands on theirs – they will pay up to $100 an hour for 3 hours of TIG instruction. Just 2 students a day would bring you $100,000 a year. If you think I’m kidding I’m NOT! There are many reasons why education is so valuable – and that includes intense, focused tutoring in welding.

    6G pipe welding is the highest paid of all welding certifications – most 6G welders make $100k to $300k a year – and demand is crazy. However, if you are a 6G welder and you want to stay home, you can set up and teach 6G in your garage. Let’s say you do this with 7 students, each paying you $10,000 for a 3 month course. Yes, they will pay it – especially if you show them how they will have more time with your hand on theirs (the #1 secret to learning 6G fast).

    From Home Welding # 2:

    I was in Palm Springs the other day. I have been in and around the trades for 30 years… and when you see a tradesman’s truck and it is late model without dents or many scratches, clean, organized and well equipped, it means (99% of the time) that guy is making money.

    I pulled up to a light behind just such a truck – “Joe’s BBQ Service and Repair.” That’s it – that is all Joe does. He will weld cast aluminum or steel. He’ll clean and polish. He’ll replace a burner or a control. OR he’ll buy your old unit and sell / or sell you a new one.

    Yes, you need a town with a lot of high end BBQs. Other than that, go get it.

    From Home Welding # 3:

    Large steel cut outs. In art of all kinds, size matters. For example, 20 years ago we purchased two 4′ long coat racks – each is a piece of 1.5″ x 1.5″ x 1/8″ angle 4′ long with 6 horse shoes welded to the angle to hang the coats.

    On the horizontal surface of the angle is welded a scene made of 7 horse and 7 tree cut-outs. We paid $185 for each of these 20 years ago… that would be about $300 a piece in today’s dollars.

    The problem with you making these is that the 14 cut outs on each unit are too small too many to cut by hand – you need a computerized plasma table to make these.

    Here is where the magic of size makes all the difference.

    The artist who drew the cut outs on our coat rack was good. Each of the 7 horses is different and beautiful, as well as the trees. Any – or all of these – cut outs can be scaled up with chalk onto a sheet of say 4′ x 8′ x 3/16″ steel. Now, all you need is a plasma or an oxy torch to create the large version.

    What would a horse cut from a 4′ x 8′ sheet sell for?

    $300 to $700. It would depend on where you are and how you market it. Marketing is a large part of any business. Good marketing is not hard – you can do it.

    You can see, if you could get a “business pipe” full of inventory and sales and you were delivering 2 horses a day, you could easily make $100k. The other major opportunity with big cut outs is gates. The key to all of this stuff in the art category is beautiful line drawings. If you are not an artist, hire one on the condition that they sign the copyright to you.

    There are endless ideas to utilize even your most basic welding skills from home to make an excellent living or just extra money. The trick is:

    Step A:

    Find what will work best for you.

    Step B:

    Write out a simple plan of attack. Don’t put the cart before the horse. Many small businesses fail because the owner gets all wrapped up in the details and loses site of what is important. Here is what is important: Don’t spend money – MAKE MONEY!

    Step C:

    The first rule of business is to GET NOTICED. That is also the end goal of all marketing – once you have enough eyeballs on you, you will succeed. The common mistake is to leave marketing for last while concentrating on every little rule and piece of paper. A business license will do you no good if you don’t make money! Save your money and get it (if you really need one) when you make some money. Towns and cities will simply say, “do you have a business license?” When they ask, say: “I’m getting one now.”

    Conclusion:

    You are blessed to live in a country where you can go from nothing to something in a hurry. However, to get anywhere in a hurry requires running hard. You’ll never regret it.

    What should you do next?

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    Source by Scott R. Linden

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  • Internal Customer Service: Guidelines for Suppliers and Contractors

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    Change management and organization development experts talk about ‘creating alignment’ – aligning organizational strategy with daily business needs. And a big part of this is creating alignment between customer needs and employee actions as customer service providers. But we also have to take note of internal customers – those people within the organization that service us – as internal customers and who we service as internal customers. “There is a remarkably close and consistent link between how internal customers are treated and how external customers perceive the quality of your organization’s services. It is almost impossible to provide good external service if your organization is not providing good internal service.” R. Zemke and K. Anderson, Delivering Knock Your Socks Off Service, 1981.

    And it’s not just about internal customers within the walls of your organization, it’s also about those arms-length internal customers and customer service providers – suppliers and contractors – those people who either supply your organization directly or come into contact with your external customers, directly, as your representative. These suppliers and contractors should be considered an integral part of your organization and the service they provide should be measured as accurately and frequently as you measure the service level you provide.

    To my mind, servicing others, whether internal or external (customer, supplier, colleague, peer, supervisor, contractor), should reflect the values of your organization and the process to retain the best customers – again, whether internal or external – can be applied across any of these groups. Suppliers and contractors should be selected and retained based on their commitment to servicing your customers – and your employees – as you require them to be serviced. Although you do not ‘own’ these suppliers and contractors, you have the right to demand the equivalent level of service you provide to your customers. When selecting your suppliers and contractors, or measuring the ones you currently are associated with, the following guidelines may help ensure that internal service meets the standard.

    Recruit suppliers and contractors as you would your employees.

    You should be seeking out the best person for the job, the high performer who will be able to deliver on your business expectations and drive up results for your company. Why not utilize some of the recruiting tools you use when conducting a search for an employee? Think about it. You will be paying this supplier or contractor to perform services for you or your customers so you should expect them to be of the calibre you expect from a new employee. Consider requesting a resume of their qualifications and experience, customers they have serviced, certifications that may be required, and if available, customer testimonials. Interview them in a similar fashion to the way in which you interview for employees. Check their references and make sure you put in place a contractual arrangement that clearly documents what you expect from them and what they can expect from you (this is just another version of position profiles and expectations for the role).

    In these cases, you are seeking high performers capable of servicing both your customers and your employees. And you have a responsibility to provide them with the information, resources and possibly, tools, they will need to service both these groups accurately and professionally.

    Provide clear expectations of performance.

    Even if your suppliers and contractors have worked with your organization for a long period of time, it is critical to periodically review your expectations of their role and how you expect them to service your customers. Customers are retained because they have developed a good relationship with their supplier and any contractor or supplier who is dealing with your customer directly, is seen by the customer to be an employee of your company, and hence; representing your company.

    When I was a general manager for an energy distribution company, one of our contractor service technicians accidentally cut the customer’s phone line. The first issue for the customer was, of course, the cut phone line and the inconvenience associated. The second issue was that the contractor apologized but told the customer he would have to call our company to secure satisfaction regarding the cost and inconvenience of having the line repaired. The third issue was the response the customer received from the Branch Manager when he called our company office to complain. He was told we were not responsible since it was a contractor that had cut the line! Yes, I too, was shocked when the customer got through to me to complain and told me what the Branch Manager had said. Even more distressing was the fact that the Branch Manager defended his position when I called him about the complaint!

    No doubt we did not clearly identify to our contractor our customer service expectations. To me, they were simple. Apologize to the customer, call our office immediately to request a solution and then work with the customer to get the solution implemented. Simple to me but certainly not to our contractor or, I quickly discovered, to my Branch Manager.

    So my next step was to build a contractor customer service agreement and develop a customer service training program to implement with both our employees and our contractors. We then implemented it across my region. We still had customer service issues with both our contractors and our employees, periodically,but this was a great first step.

    Conduct frequent performance reviews.

    Providing your suppliers and contractors with regular, specific feedback will not only give you confidence that they are meeting your needs but will also provide opportunities for them to discuss any customer service challenges, issues, or problems with you before they result in lost customers. These regular reviews should be part of the contract between you and the contractor and they should be implemented on schedule. During these reviews you should include their primary employee contacts to ensure all partners are clear about the issues and able to participate in developing the solutions. This secures commitment to the solutions.

    Reward and recognize customer service excellence.

    At a minimum, providing them with a reference signifies that you are pleased with their customer service performance. But, without a doubt, the best reward for suppliers and contractors is securing more work from you.

    Following these guidelines will go a long way to ensuring alignment between your company, your employees and your suppliers and contractors – to the business goals and strategy. All sectors can then be focused on delivering the expected level of customer service to the customer base you want to retain.

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    Source by Donna Stevenson

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  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

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    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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    Source by Mandy Peterson

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