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  • The Catcher in the Rye: Mental Health Services and Social Connections for Children

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    The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger, was required reading for my tenth grade English class. I remembered it as a story about the struggles of adolescence, the yearning for independence, and the reluctance to let go of youth. My son is now about the same age as I was when I read the book and we are living through his own nudge for independence, which sparked my interest to give the story another read. Before I began, I wondered what my take on the book would be at this point in life having survived adolescence and received training and experience in child development in addition to having a teen in the house. This reading accentuated the unresolved grief, family dysfunction, mental illness, and lack of social connectedness of the main character, Holden Caulfield, and how these difficulties exacerbate the issues experienced during the typical maturational process. As the country still debates gun control laws in the aftermath of Sandy Hook, and as we try to recover from the Boston Marathon bombing, The Catcher in the Rye reminds us about the importance of developing meaningful and genuine connections with our children and the need to address their mental health issues.

    The Catcher in the Rye begins as a flashback story about Holden Caulfield’s experiences leading up to his nervous breakdown prior to Christmas. Holden narrates the story while receiving inpatient psychological treatment on the west coast. The events begin at Pencey Prep in Pennsylvania, where Holden has been expelled due to poor academic performance, and conclude in New York City as Holden attempts to return home. During the course of his journey, Holden attempts to make connections with a number of people however, he fails miserably due to his social ineptitude, lack of appropriate treatment for what may possibly be bipolar disorder, and inability to believe that other people are capable of being genuine. Holden eventually makes it home and connects with his younger sister. By that time he has decompensated to the point that, even though he is no longer experiencing suicidal ideations, he feels disconnected, misunderstood, and alone. Holden decides that he is going to go away, to escape from society and the rejection, the loneliness, and the pain that he feels. However, Holden makes one last trip to see his sister Phoebe before he disappears. Phoebe’s caring, anger, and innocence provide Holden with the connection he is looking for; she is both a peer and dependent to him. Through Phoebe, Holden is able to cling to his childhood and put off making the leap to young adulthood and independence.

    One theme that I was more attuned to during this reading was the unspoken dysfunction of the Caulfield family. Holden frequently compares himself to his younger, deceased brother, whom he describes as brilliant and athletic, as well as his older brother, who has become a successful author. It is suggested that Holden is a challenging child, and somewhat of a disappointment to his parents as he has been unable to live up to their expectations. He has been expelled from at least four preparatory schools due to poor academic performance, he has difficulty socially connecting with others, and he has frequent mood swings. It is possible that Holden’s parents were drained from watching their youngest son battle with leukemia which left them with little strength to effectively deal with Holden’s grief and potential disability. In Holden’s eyes, they appear to have emotionally and physically divested themselves from him. He has little to no emotional family support and what appears to be very little communication with them. Holden is left adrift to navigate this tumultuous time in his life without support, understanding, and treatment. His efforts to reach out and communicate, including failing out of schools and getting into fights, are not understood as cries for help but are seen as personal shortcomings.

    Holden perceives most people as being phony, superficial, and hypercritical. This may in part be due to his social awkwardness, lack of maturity, and feeling of being abandoned by his parents. He is continuously let down by everyone that he reaches out to for help as they either don’t live up to what Holden has built up in his mind, or they try to take advantage of him. Therefore, Holden comes to believe that everyone is phony who doesn’t or is incapable of meeting his preconceived expectations. In addition, Holden clearly experiences moments of mania during the story, which are often followed by feelings of sadness to the point where he does express some suicidal thoughts. It seems that the lack of communication with his parents, the unresolved grief and guilt over the death of his brother, and the inability to effectively and appropriately connect with others result in Holden being unable to interact with others on anything but a superficial level. The exception to this is Phoebe. Her reluctance to let her brother leave provides Holden with the strength to go home and ask for help. However, in the end, Holden continues to suffer from a lack of love and feelings of loneliness. He states, “Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.” At this point, Holden continues to find it difficult to have genuine, meaningful relationships believing that when you open up to people that they will turn away from you in order to keep the relationship on a superficial level. Holden continues to be plagued by this emotional void and, while there is a hunger for social connectedness, he will continue to experience emptiness and rejection due to his quirkiness.

    For me, reading The Catcher in the Rye in high school highlighted the struggle for independence and Holden’s war on hypocrisy. On this reading, I was able to obtain a better understanding of the tragedy that occurs as a result of Holden’s parents being unable to provide him the emotional support that he needs to overcome his brother’s death and deal with his mental health needs. Holden’s repeated failure to socially connect and develop a meaningful relationship with anyone other than his sister and the lack of treatment for his mental health issues made me think of the recent tragedies in Colorado, Sandy Hook, and Boston. It reinforced the need to take mental health needs and services seriously; just because these conditions are unseen doesn’t mean that they aren’t debilitating. Feeling cared for and connected to others reduces the stress, stigma, and isolation that are associated with these conditions. It made me wonder whether these tragedies could have been avoided if the people involved had received appropriate therapy and treatment. They may have felt connected and accepted, and these tragedies may have been avoided. The message of being accepted and cared for from The Catcher in the Rye continues to be relevant to young people today as we all strive for acceptance.

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    Source by David Pino

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  • Shamanic Healing Through Sounds

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    Shamanism, often considered to be the oldest of the healing professions, makes use of voice, drum, and rattles to communicate with the spirit world, seeking its positive healing energy for a patient. The human voice is the most common means used to summon the spirit worlds.

    In our Native American cultures, specific ‘songs’ are used for healing and these are passed down from one generation to the next. Each culture, having its own traditions, also has its songs.

    When one first hears a shaman’s song, one can’t help but feel the words all sound the same. Much of this may be due to the imitation in movies and television programs. The standard song appears to be “Ah Hey Ya” or something similar to “Ye Ha No Ha.” A careful listening reveals the sounds are the vowel sounds of A, E, I O, and U. During the chanting of these sounds; the sound of each vowel is elongated and is sung with specific intent-the intent to heal an ill patient. Each vowel has its own meaning.

    As tradition dictates, the four directions are acknowledged. The vowel A represents Earth and refers to the direction North. E represents Air and the direction of East; I represents Fire and the direction South, O represents water and the direction West. The vowel of O represents the aether and significantly it refers to being about. Once the four directions and the aether are recognized, the vowel sounds shift in use and meaning. The vowel sound of A is for purification while I emphasizes our relationship to all things (living and nonliving), E, brings a connection to the spirit world, and U takes the shaman into the spirit’s presence. O invokes the idea of innocence.

    During the singing, the shaman may accompany himself with a drum beat or the beat of a rattle. A helper may beat the drum or shake the rattles. During this time, the shaman may dance around the patient.

    Because of modern science, we have a better understanding of what the physical aspects of sound have on the human being. Simply, all things are vibrating molecules. When we are ill, those vibrations get out of sync. The shaman and his chanting and his drums connect to that vibration and realign the natural harmonics of the body; thus, allowing it to heal itself.

    Norman W Wilson, PhD

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    Source by Norman W. Wilson, Ph.D

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  • The Best Final Expense Sales Presentation Ever

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    Arriving At The Prospects Home

    When I arrive at the house, I like to park in the driveway because that is where family parks and they are more likely to greet me. I look for the door that they use the most and I go and knock on their door (usually the back or side door). While waiting for them to come to door, I look down at my clipboard and pretend to read. I try not to make any eye contact until they open the door.

    When they open the door, I greet them as if they have been waiting for me all day long. “Mrs. Jones? My name is Joseph and the reason I’m stopping by today is because you recently sent this card in and it’s my job to bring you that information you requested. I’d really like to go over this with you, can I come in?”

    If they say yes, GREAT!!! I’m in! If they say it’s not a good time, then I will schedule an appointment with them for the next day. Now you are off to your next one. Some people will let you in and some people will make appointments with you, some won’t be home. (Always make sure you go back or call if they’re not there.) Of course, some will slam the door in your face… ha (fortunately, not usually.)

    At the end of the day, you should have made 3-4 presentations and scheduled 4-5 appointments. The point is, you are out there working and making money. I’ve honestly made $8000 in commission in one day!!! No joke.

    Making Appointments

    Rather then drive around all day, some people prefer to make appointments or hire someone to make appointments for them. Personally, I hired someone to do this for me. I schedule my appointments an hour and half apart. Usually it starts at 10:30am and ends at 7:30pm. I try to get 7 appointments a day, 4 days a week. I always make my appointments the day before because they forget if it’s more than one day away.

    Script for Setting Appointments Yourself

    Here is an appointment script you can use:

    Good Afternoon ____________, This is ____________

    I have in my hand, a pink card that you filled out and sent in requesting information on the Social Security Death Benefit Program.

    Now, my job is to get this information out to you.

    The address I have here is ___________________.

    Is that correct?

    Okay… Great!

    On the card ________, you wrote down that you were 65 and that your wife was 63… is that correct?

    Awesome, awesome…

    Let me ask you a question: are you (you guys) working, retired or receiving disability?

    Oh yeah, that’s good, that’s good… What time… do you/she/he get off work…

    chit chat…

    anyway, like I said, my job is to this information out to you and I can either get it out to you tomorrow at ______ or ______…

    which is best for you?

    Great…

    Do you have a pen and paper handy or do you have your calendar in front of you?

    I just want you to write down my first name… It’s Joseph. Last name Haworth, H-A….

    Now put down there ______am/pm on ___________day… that’s tomorrow.

    Well, I really appreciate your time, I look forward to meeting you and __________, at ______________am/pm _____day________.

    Have a great day.

    When you arrive at your appointment, smile BIG and assume you are getting in. Say you are there for the appointment and ask to come in. It’s easy to get in… most of them remember that you are coming.

    Presentation

    To put you at ease, I want you to know that I’m not a sales person at all. I’m the most passive, non pushy person you can imagine. There really is no trick to it. So relax your shoulders and have fun.

    Once you are in the door, you compliment their home, their yard, their dog, the smell of the house… you know… whatever! Just compliment. My favorite one is to mention how clean the house is. If it is really clean, it means they work really hard at it and they appreciate someone noticing. As I’m walking in the house, I look at the pictures and I either ask who is in the pictures before I sit down or I ask later. In any case, seniors love to share their pictures so make sure you ask about them.

    I’m always very casual and I do my best to avoid the sales presentation for about a half hour. I like to have them talk to me and tell me about themselves and their family and their problems etc. I honestly get sucked in. I’m right there, feeling their joy and pain and I’m concerned and interested. I don’t care about the insurance at that point. Eventually, you move to the presentation and by this time you are friends and this helps them listen and helps you know how to communicate to them. Here are the steps:

    1. You tell them why they received the card and what it’s about.

    2. You bring up the cost of a burial and the fact their family is going to have to pay $10,000.

    3. You find out why they sent the card in.

    4. Ask who their beneficiary is and if they have ever paid for a funeral (both these questions bring out emotion because they don’t want their kids to pay for the funeral and by asking if they have ever paid for one, this helps them remember the pain of paying all that money for a funeral.)

    5. Ask them what medications they take and what they are for. Then you ask how their overall health is. “Have you had any heart problems, or kidney, or liver or lung problems? If so, when?” You need to know when because most applications only care about the past 2 years or so.

    6. Now you know what they are going to be approved for and you can show them some prices. I usually write down 3 or 4 prices on the back of their lead card. I try to match what I think they can afford. Once I write them down, I go over the prices and then hand them the sheet. I say, “Now, Mrs. Jones, I want you to look over these three prices and you tell me which one is best for you?

    7. Before I give them the prices, I tell them about an immediate benefit and a graded benefit. The immediate benefit means that their family will get the full face amount if they died even after only one payment. The graded policy, however, makes them wait two years before they have full coverage. To find out which one they qualify for, I have to ask the questions on the application. (However, if you asked enough questions earlier, you already know….)

    8. Before I ask the immediate benefit questions, I ask them to pick out a price first. (This is called asking for the sale. You have to ask for the sale or you will not sell!!! Plain and simple). Knowing the price they will pay helps with the next step. When you know they qualify for immediate benefits, after you ask the appropriate questions (that you already know the answers to), you stand up and congratulate them.

    9. At that point, all you have to do is ask for their personal information. “Mrs. Jones, can I see your SSN and Drivers License”… the point is that you start writing the application.

    We hope you will join us to see the full presentation in print, audio and on video.

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    Source by Jody Haworth

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  • How to Deal With the Dilemmas of Gay Dating

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    Unhappy relationships, fights and breakups can mess up your mind and discourage you from dating again. But, one bad relationship doesn’t mean that you are not going to date anyone ever again. Look around, there are men out there who are just like you, and they’ve had breakups and broken hearts too. The moment you find the one who is truly in love with you, it will make you forget all those failed attempts.

    And when you do find a perfect match, many of you might have dilemmas that can break your burgeoning relationship. For this reason, you need to know what those gay dating dilemmas can be and what you can do to avoid them.

    ‘Let go’ of the past

    Every gay man has stories about ‘coming out’, childhood, parents, fear and broken hearts. But don’t let things that happened in the past affect your present or future. It was a thing of the past, so use it as knowledge & wisdom. Give a fresh and healthy start to your new relationship.

    Expensive dates when you are in different income brackets

    The difference in income can become a major cause of breakups. You have a higher income and want to plan expensive dates, and you’re ready to make all the payments. But this can sometimes offend the other person and you don’t even realize. So, you need to keep the other person’s feelings in mind and plan accordingly.

    Be a fearless gay dating guy

    First of all, you need to be yourself, one who is not afraid of dating. Even if you try to show that you are a fearless gay dating guy, if he feels that you are afraid, it means you probably really are. So, get things clear in your mind before you start dating as breaking someone’s heart isn’t good for either of you.

    Express your feelings

    Don’t hide your feelings from the person you love. Express your feelings but if you think you still need to wait for the right time, then do! Sometimes though, there is no right time to express your love, every moment is right, so just open up and don’t leave it too late. Today, a number of online sites offer gay dating tips, so take their help.

    Stop comparing

    You are special, unique, and nobody can compete with you. Stop comparing yourself with your boyfriend’s ex or anyone else as it will lead you nowhere and will just ruin your relationship.

    Communication is key

    Yes, when dating someone, you need to have adequate communication with each other. Whether you prefer to communicate via text, or calls, or in person, make sure that you have healthy conversations with each other. Also, if your mate prefers to talk over a call while you want to communicate via texts, there’s no harm picking up his call, rather than creating unwanted turmoil in a relationship.

    Be honest & open up in a genuine way

    Don’t just presume you’ll be able to be intimate with a new person on your very first date. Take your time, understand each other and then discuss if you can move further in your relationship. Only if the other person is comfortable, go ahead and make love.

    Today’s technologically advanced world helps you find a perfect match sitting at home. A number of online gay dating sites will help you search for a compatible match the easy way. Moreover, these sites sometimes also provide gay dating tips so that you can have a healthy and happy relationship.

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    Source by Sarah Scott

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  • The Success Avoidance Syndrom

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    Life is full of ironies and paradoxes. One of the most amazing of these is the human tendency to cry for and cling to those things that hurt them. As one notable poet put it, “people run for their chains.” Is it not amazing that people generally dislike prisons, and yet it is a known fact that many former prisoners would rather be in prison than out of it? How many people out there are clinging to and crying for relationships, and yet they fully know that those same relationships are dysfunctional and leading nowhere?

    How many companies, individuals and nations are tenaciously holding onto solutions that have passed their sale by date? How many people desire to lose weight and to be in good health, and yet daily crave for and indulge in those behaviors that negate this aim? My proposition is that there are many. Perhaps the most debilitating human condition is the success avoidance syndrome. Put simply, people have this tendency to want and wish for success, and yet simultaneously unwittingly avoid the things that make for success. They desire success but hasten their feet towards failure. Below is a synopsis of the traits of the success avoiding individual.

    o Risk Avoidance.

    Many people want to succeed in life but they are averse to risk. However, the very nature of success is that the greater the risk involved the greater the rewards. Every opportunity carries within it a certain amount of risk. To try is to risk failing; to propose is to risk being turned down; to love is to risk heartbreak; to advance is to risk repulsion and resistance; to lead is to risk criticism and being cartooned; to express yourself is to risk appearing a fool; to seek profits is to risk making losses; to put your views to the public (like I am doing now) is to risk being ridiculed; to trust people is to risk being disappointed; to be yourself is to risk being rejected; to be a copycat is to court frustration; to write an exam is to risk failure and disappointment; to communicate is to risk being misunderstood, to buy something is to risk dissatisfaction and dissonance; to get an insurance policy is to risk paying for a service that may never become necessary.

    It is true that risk is often uncomfortable. However, the alternative which is failure, frustration and underachievement is even worse. Not only is the alternative very discomfiting, but it is also painful. Any risk minimization strategy is therefore actually a success reduction mechanism. A faint heart never wins a fair lady, and there is no crown for the coward. It is that simple. The winners know that the greatest risk in life is to risk nothing. After all to be alive is to risk dying some day and we will all die, so what is the big deal?

    Before we leave the subject of risk it is important to underline that there is a big difference between taking risks and taking gambles. To gamble is to put oneself at the mercy of fate and chance. With gambling one has no influence over the outcome at all and a good example is lottery. However, when one takes risk one does not become a prisoner of fate but remains a participator in a process in which the success is not guaranteed, but the chances thereof can be influenced by one’s own decisions and actions. There is no self determination with gambling, but the risk taker retains some control.

    o Failure Avoidance

    The person obsessed with avoiding failure learns to do nothing. It is only that person that never does anything, that never makes mistakes. In truth there is no effort without shortcomings. However, action is a progenitor of success and it follows logically that the person who never engages in meaningful and serious action by this very act of omission avoids success. Activity, of course is not to be confused with progress, but there can never be progress without activity. Failure avoidance is success avoidance. Period.

    Failure avoidance is a learnt habit. Research indicates that families, companies and environments replete with criticism, cynicism, pessimism, threats of punishment and motivation by fear are a good breeding ground for failure avoiders. To the contrary affirmation, recognition, acknowledgement, praise, reward and encouragement constitute the diet of the success pursuers. Creativity and innovation cannot co-habit with fear of failure and punishment.

    The failure avoiders are regulated by their fear of failure, but the winners are inspired by their dreams. In most cases the failure avoiders keep fresh the memories of their past failures, catastrophes, fiascos and heartbreaks. Their minds are filled with imaginations of pain and failure and negative outcomes. They always fear and expect the worst. They think in terms of and look for limits, but the winner thinks in terms of and looks for opportunities.

    The loser is therefore always running away from limits, while the winner is running towards opportunity. The winner recognizes that limits and opportunities are one and the same thing. The difference lies in the eye of the beholder and how he chooses to interpret what he sees. The failure avoider sees the challenges as stumbling blocks to be avoided but the winner sees them as stepping stones to be embraced and utilized. In truth every challenge brings with it an opportunity to grow, but it is easy to miss this opportunity if one sees it as a burden, problem or disappointment.

    What have you been avoiding all your life and of late? What have you been hesitating to do? Is it a conversation, telephone call or important decision? Whatever it is, take time to reflect on whether your avoidance does not constitute success avoidance. To be continued, expect some more.

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    Source by George Chingarande

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  • Don’t Ignore These Telltale Signs of Drug Abuse in Teens

    Don’t Ignore These Telltale Signs of Drug Abuse in Teens

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    Drug abuse has for a long been a problem among teenagers with peer pressure as the key factor driving it. Despite being well documented, parents and caregivers tend to ignore the apparent symptoms of drug abuse in the growing children. The early instances of drug abuse evoke far greater health consequences in this age group than in any other group.

    One of the reasons behind the increase in the severity of repercussions of drug abuse is that during adolescence both body and mind are still in the process of development. Apart from the fact that drugs can alter brain chemistry and structure, illicit drug use among teenagers can increase vulnerability to motor crashes and instigate risky sexual behavior. Additionally, drug abuse increases suicidal tendencies, assaults, symptoms of mental health conditions and dropout rate at schools.

    Illicit drug use also entails legal and social consequences, such as increase in incidents of violence, criminal activities and neglect, as well as a higher likelihood of abusing drugs in later life. In addition, pregnant teenage girls who continue engaging in drugs are at risk of harming the fetus and themselves in many ways.

    Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence

    Nurturing and caring for a teenager is no easy task. The bumpy journey of growth that includes a number of transitional phases, ranging from hitting puberty to adolescence, yearning for dependence to realizing independence, “I love you” to “I hate you,” to confronting life without a safety net to making sense of it all, can mislead parents, guardians and caregivers, especially when their children are on drugs.

    Even in the absence of any evidence, it is important that parents who feel that something is wrong with their children trust their hunch and take significant remedial actions, such as talking to their children or seeking professional help.

    One of the most practical tools to address the problem of drug abuse among teenagers is communication. Usually, drug-using teenagers develop traits that assist them in concealing their growing addiction-related practices.

    They also spend their time incommunicado. When a teenager displays odd behavioral patterns, such as not being themselves after a social event, being vague about the details of the movie watched, getting home beyond curfew, avoiding interaction or getting close to their parents, it is best to investigate to safeguard their health and life.

    Some of the below-mentioned warning signs specified by the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) can assist parents in keeping a check on their adolescent children:

    • A change in peer group
    • Carelessness with grooming
    • Poor academic performance
    • Increased absenteeism
    • Loss of interest in favorite activities
    • Changes in eating or sleeping habits
    • Deteriorating relationships with family members and friends

    Although the 2016 Monitoring the Future (MTF) survey of drug use among American teenagers suggests decline in the past year use of illicit drugs, except marijuana, alcohol and drug use amidst teenagers is a major public concern. In addition, there is substantial evidence that drug use in early years increases the likelihood of a teenager developing substance use disorder and the symptoms of mental health conditions in their adulthood. However, early intervention is known to reduce and treat these conditions more successfully compared to those who let the abuse linger or get treated late.

    Pull the plug on drugs

    The earliest warning signs of drug abuse among teenagers are changes in their behavior and mannerism. Usually, addressing a teenager’s drug abuse habits can be an unpleasant ordeal, which is at times riddled with extreme opposition from the patient.

    Therefore, it is important that parents communicate with their adolescent children about the life-threatening consequences of drug abuse. They should also discuss about the ways that can assist in overcoming the challenge of drug abuse. They can guide their children in the right direction through their love and care.

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    Source by Courtney Whetstone

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  • Finding a Suitable Doctor

    Finding a Suitable Doctor

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    It’s an unfortunate fact of life that many people who suffer from painful diseases, such as arthritis, tend to accept that their pain is inevitable, and leave it for as long as possible before seeking medical advice and/or attention.

    This course of action is not to be recommended, as early treatment can certainly help, and of course save the sufferer years of needless pain. It is advisable to take some care when choosing a doctor, however, as not all medical professionals are best qualified to give advice on individual diseases-believe it or not, some of them are still of the opinion that arthritis is a disease that only occurs in the elderly. It is therefore important to find a doctor who has a good knowledge of your disability, and preferably one with a sympathetic ear as well.

    When looking for a suitable doctor, remember that some of them who refer to themselves as specialists aren’t necessarily that, as they don’t have all the credentials to use the word. “U.S. News & World Report” estimated that around 30% of “specialists” were in this category. A doctor who has gone through formal specialty training, and has passed the necessary exams is a “diplomat” or a “board certified” specialist. Others who are so-called specialists might have quite a lot of expertise or experience, but have not met the requirements of the specialty board examiners.

    Of course, you must remember that credentials are not everything. Quite often, you’ll find it helpful if you get a good referral from a friend, or even from someone else in the medical profession. It’s also quite often the case that the most sought after doctors are, naturally, the busiest, the result being that they have less time and, dare I say it, energy, to devote to each individual. It follows that the quality of care that you can expect to receive will be somewhat diminished.

    When you do find a doctor with whom you feel you can have a good relationship, and you’re fairly sure that he can help you, there are some things that you can do yourself to make things easier all round.

    Think beforehand about what you want to tell the doctor. It’s usually better to tell him/her orally, as some of them do not take kindly to seeing a long list of written items. Try not to take too long in explaining your symptoms, but make sure that you are specific. You can also ask questions if there are things that are still puzzling you.

    Being able to communicate properly with your doctor is a great help-if you find that you’re not able to do so, it’s probably time to look around for another one.

    Next!

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    Source by Donnie Graham

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