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  • Dousing the Flames of Marital Conflict

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    Conflicts in marriage are endemic. Because this is a union of two distinct individuals each with his or her own likes, dislikes, prejudices and pet peeves, conflicts are built into the marriage packet. As the famous evangelist Billy Graham once said, “For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic. The unblemished ideal exists only in ‘happily-ever-after’ fairy tales. ‘Happily incompatible’ is a good adjustment.”

    No human relationship can exist in a permanent state of happiness, and conflicts need not be viewed as a sign of instability or impending rupture of marriage. Couples need to master the art of quarreling constructively and resolving all conflicts positively. A mature approach will increase understanding and trust, and strengthen their relationship. However this depends on their level of commitment to each other.

    Areas of conflict:

    o Finance: In this consumer-oriented society of today, money or the lack of it can lead to conflict. Spouses have different spending habits. Overspending or unnecessary spending by one partner can upset the family budget, leaving less money for essentials. Entertainment, alcohol, consumer goods can eat into one’s pocket. Similarly miserliness will also trigger conflict.

    o When the needs, wants and desires of one partner are not met, there is a tendency to be irritable or argumentative over trifles.

    o Domination: When one partner is excluded from the decisions that affect them both, friction is bound to arise. Similarly, procrastination by one partner on issues that need urgent decisions can be annoying.

    o In-laws: Too much interference or over dependence of in-laws can become a bone of contention. Unfair references and comparisons lead to quarrels.

    o Children: Different styles of parenting or lack of proper parenting skills can result in heated arguments.

    o Sex: Husbands and wives have exclusive conjugal rights over their partners. Depriving a spouse of normal sexual activity creates tension in the relationship.

    o Working wives: Some women with high tech jobs may not have quality time to spend with husband and children. Stress, fatigue or overwork can sap them of strength and put them in an irritable frame of mind.

    o Habits: Drinking, smoking, gambling or drug taking are frequent causes of conflict.

    o Social activities. Time consuming parties or games leave very little time to spend with each other.

    o Physical and emotional abuse.

    o Self-centeredness.

    o Secrecy: Keeping important secrets from each other is a breach of trust.

    o Infidelity.

    The mark of a good marriage is not the absence of conflict, but how each partner deals with the problem. Conflict is like an ember with the potential to spark into a flame, and if not doused in time, can blaze into a conflagration. The foremost thing to remember is that it is not a battle between enemies. It is just a disagreement between spouses who have promised to love and cherish each other till the end of their lives.

    “Many marriages would be better if both husband and wife realize that they are on the same side,” says Zig Ziglar.

    The aim must be to diffuse the situation by proper resolution, so that it does not crop up again and again.

    There are two options available.

    1.The Negative Approach which will generate hostility.

    2.The Positive Approach which will make the bonds of marriage stronger.

    Negative Approach:

    – One partner personalizes the problem and treats it as an attack. Women are more prone to this approach. They withdraw into themselves and wallow in self pity. Withdrawal may be physical, sexual or emotional. Breach of communication follows. This is a dangerous trend. A trivial problem festers in the mind until it assumes gigantic proportions.

    – Angry reactions like yelling, crying, abuse, sarcasm, insults or even violence are disastrous. The idea obviously is to hurt the other person while defending one’s self in the blame game.

    As Broderick said, “Couples who vent their anger and do nothing to get at its cause and cure are committing marital suicide.”

    Positive Approach:

    1. Couples should never communicate when angry. They should first think things over calmly by themselves and then discuss the issue. Privacy is important. Discussions should not take place in the presence of their children or relatives, but in a quiet place where there will be no interruptions. They must bear in mind at all times that they are allies and not adversaries. There must be eye contact throughout the discussion. Respect for each other’s feelings is important. So the tone of voice and body language must be appropriate. Listening carefully to the other’s point of view is showing respect. Questions and clarifications are in order. It is also a time to share one’s genuine hurts and frustrations. Generalizations like ‘You always find fault’ or ‘You never listen’ are not helpful.

    2. The core issue must be tackled. It is important to define and discuss only the problem that started the conflict. Is the problem repetitive? Is there a recurring pattern? If so, why has the problem not been resolved before? There should be no deviation into unrelated issues. Old problems must not be dredged up and recycled to score a point.

    3. Finance can be a contentious subject. Bad financial habits must be mended. Budgeting one’s income is important. If expenses go beyond the budgeted amount, there should be a discussion on how best to make good the deficit. Honest conversations about purchases, savings and overspending will help. It might require lowering one’s standard of living or finding other ways of income generation.

    4. Sex is an important aspect of marriage. Withholding sex by one partner as a means of punishing the other, is hurtful. Sex enhances intimacy and reconciliation.

    5. Spouses must take responsibility for their contribution to the problem. They should be willing to change their behaviour if necessary. Owning up faults and admitting their weaknesses will diffuse tension. Sometimes it may even be necessary to give into the partner’s wishes, even though not fully agreeable. It is important to focus on what is right and not on who is right. Compromise is by no means weakness. It reflects strength and helps resolve the problem permanently.

    6. Forgiveness is the most important salve that will heal the hurt of conflict. Couples should be generous in forgiving each other’s faults. It may not be easy, but it is always better to get it over with and move on.

    Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. Fault finding and negativity can destroy and tear apart relationships. ‘Let not the sun go down upon your wrath,’ advises Scripture. With proper communication, tolerance and commitment, most conflicts can be resolved.

    As Alexander Perry said, “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.”

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    Source by Eva Bell

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  • The Catcher in the Rye: Mental Health Services and Social Connections for Children

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    The Catcher in the Rye, by J.D. Salinger, was required reading for my tenth grade English class. I remembered it as a story about the struggles of adolescence, the yearning for independence, and the reluctance to let go of youth. My son is now about the same age as I was when I read the book and we are living through his own nudge for independence, which sparked my interest to give the story another read. Before I began, I wondered what my take on the book would be at this point in life having survived adolescence and received training and experience in child development in addition to having a teen in the house. This reading accentuated the unresolved grief, family dysfunction, mental illness, and lack of social connectedness of the main character, Holden Caulfield, and how these difficulties exacerbate the issues experienced during the typical maturational process. As the country still debates gun control laws in the aftermath of Sandy Hook, and as we try to recover from the Boston Marathon bombing, The Catcher in the Rye reminds us about the importance of developing meaningful and genuine connections with our children and the need to address their mental health issues.

    The Catcher in the Rye begins as a flashback story about Holden Caulfield’s experiences leading up to his nervous breakdown prior to Christmas. Holden narrates the story while receiving inpatient psychological treatment on the west coast. The events begin at Pencey Prep in Pennsylvania, where Holden has been expelled due to poor academic performance, and conclude in New York City as Holden attempts to return home. During the course of his journey, Holden attempts to make connections with a number of people however, he fails miserably due to his social ineptitude, lack of appropriate treatment for what may possibly be bipolar disorder, and inability to believe that other people are capable of being genuine. Holden eventually makes it home and connects with his younger sister. By that time he has decompensated to the point that, even though he is no longer experiencing suicidal ideations, he feels disconnected, misunderstood, and alone. Holden decides that he is going to go away, to escape from society and the rejection, the loneliness, and the pain that he feels. However, Holden makes one last trip to see his sister Phoebe before he disappears. Phoebe’s caring, anger, and innocence provide Holden with the connection he is looking for; she is both a peer and dependent to him. Through Phoebe, Holden is able to cling to his childhood and put off making the leap to young adulthood and independence.

    One theme that I was more attuned to during this reading was the unspoken dysfunction of the Caulfield family. Holden frequently compares himself to his younger, deceased brother, whom he describes as brilliant and athletic, as well as his older brother, who has become a successful author. It is suggested that Holden is a challenging child, and somewhat of a disappointment to his parents as he has been unable to live up to their expectations. He has been expelled from at least four preparatory schools due to poor academic performance, he has difficulty socially connecting with others, and he has frequent mood swings. It is possible that Holden’s parents were drained from watching their youngest son battle with leukemia which left them with little strength to effectively deal with Holden’s grief and potential disability. In Holden’s eyes, they appear to have emotionally and physically divested themselves from him. He has little to no emotional family support and what appears to be very little communication with them. Holden is left adrift to navigate this tumultuous time in his life without support, understanding, and treatment. His efforts to reach out and communicate, including failing out of schools and getting into fights, are not understood as cries for help but are seen as personal shortcomings.

    Holden perceives most people as being phony, superficial, and hypercritical. This may in part be due to his social awkwardness, lack of maturity, and feeling of being abandoned by his parents. He is continuously let down by everyone that he reaches out to for help as they either don’t live up to what Holden has built up in his mind, or they try to take advantage of him. Therefore, Holden comes to believe that everyone is phony who doesn’t or is incapable of meeting his preconceived expectations. In addition, Holden clearly experiences moments of mania during the story, which are often followed by feelings of sadness to the point where he does express some suicidal thoughts. It seems that the lack of communication with his parents, the unresolved grief and guilt over the death of his brother, and the inability to effectively and appropriately connect with others result in Holden being unable to interact with others on anything but a superficial level. The exception to this is Phoebe. Her reluctance to let her brother leave provides Holden with the strength to go home and ask for help. However, in the end, Holden continues to suffer from a lack of love and feelings of loneliness. He states, “Don’t ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.” At this point, Holden continues to find it difficult to have genuine, meaningful relationships believing that when you open up to people that they will turn away from you in order to keep the relationship on a superficial level. Holden continues to be plagued by this emotional void and, while there is a hunger for social connectedness, he will continue to experience emptiness and rejection due to his quirkiness.

    For me, reading The Catcher in the Rye in high school highlighted the struggle for independence and Holden’s war on hypocrisy. On this reading, I was able to obtain a better understanding of the tragedy that occurs as a result of Holden’s parents being unable to provide him the emotional support that he needs to overcome his brother’s death and deal with his mental health needs. Holden’s repeated failure to socially connect and develop a meaningful relationship with anyone other than his sister and the lack of treatment for his mental health issues made me think of the recent tragedies in Colorado, Sandy Hook, and Boston. It reinforced the need to take mental health needs and services seriously; just because these conditions are unseen doesn’t mean that they aren’t debilitating. Feeling cared for and connected to others reduces the stress, stigma, and isolation that are associated with these conditions. It made me wonder whether these tragedies could have been avoided if the people involved had received appropriate therapy and treatment. They may have felt connected and accepted, and these tragedies may have been avoided. The message of being accepted and cared for from The Catcher in the Rye continues to be relevant to young people today as we all strive for acceptance.

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    Source by David Pino

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  • Free Sex Is The Most Expensive

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    Have you ever had free sex? By free sex I mean one night stand sex, friends with benefits sex, we both know this isn’t going anywhere sex. How about now? You’ve probably never thought about it however, free sex maybe the most expensive sex you will ever have. It may cost you ever seeing your grandchildren, ever seeing your children; spending the last of your days alone…

    Have you ever met the perfect person? The dream person or are you still waiting to meet the perfect person? I submit we have all met the perfect person. the challenge is when the perfect person becomes the imperfect person. When they do something we don’t like, when they hurt us, when they don’t call us back, when they let us down.

    Everyone is perfect for the first 90 days it’s called the perfect phase. Some people live continually in the perfect phase. They’re called 90 day wonders. They meet someone, on the first day they have sex and every day thereafter. They spend all their time together. Until somewhere around the 90th day the perfect person becomes the imperfect person and they WONDER what happened.

    Then they call their forgotten best friend you; everyday, heartbroken, can’t believe it didn’t work out, convinced they can’t get over it until suddenly you don’t hear from them. Do you know what happened? They met another perfect person. On and on they go chasing mirage after mirage until at the end of their days they look back and the don’t see their grandchildren, they don’t see their children; and they spend the last of their days alone…

    Do you know what a man gives up when he commits, when he marries? Besides all the perfect free sex he thinks he could be having if he wasn’t married. Irresponsibility. He takes on responsibility; for others. Do you know what a woman gives up? Besides George Clooney. Independence.

    Together they form a interdependence. They commit to the relationship with an imperfect person. Then at the end of their days when they look back. They see their grandchildren, they see their children and at the end of their days they see each other.They’re not alone.

    Virtue and integrity are the foundations of love and a well lived life. The only way you know you love yourself or anyone else is by the commitments you are willing to make and keep. Sex is great it inspires us however love brings us home.

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    Source by James Allen Hanrahan

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  • Mindset: A Summary

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    Dr. Carol S. Dweck was challenged by her student to write a book on the results of years of their research study. Dr. Carol S. Dweck rose to the occasion and has written this book, “Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, and How we can Learn to Fulfill Our Potential” in the hope that it will help the ordinary human being understand that life is what you make it and not what was dealt to you at birth. She has written in simple language giving examples of ordinary real people like herself and her students, artists like Picasso, sportsmen like Michael Jordan, the basketball player and John McEnroe the tennis player, Marina Semyonova the great Russian dance instructor and CEOs of different companies to name a few. In the third paragraph of her introduction she writes, “… you’ll learn how a simple belief about yourself… guides a large part of your life… In fact it permeates every part of your life… ” Thus she draws the reader into the book, making the reader one of her real life examples as the reader finds himself or herself in these examples.

    Dr. Dweck introduces the two types of mindsets, the fixed mindset and the growth mindset in the first section of the book. She writes how she learned from ten year old kids that failure could be turned into a gift if you had the right mindset. By giving them hard puzzles to work on, the kids cultivated their intellectual skills through effort and did not give up. These kids became her role models in her pursuit of whether human qualities are things that can be cultivated or are things curved in stone. Each person has a unique genetic endowment but experience, training, and personal effort take them the rest of the way.

    Dr. Dweck’s twenty years of research has shown that the view you adopt for yourself profoundly affects the way you lead your life. She writes that, if you believe that your qualities and traits are curved in stone and cannot be changed then you have a fixed mindset. And if you believe that cherished qualities and traits can be developed and cultivated then you have a growth mindset.

    Fixed mindset people believe that an individual’s intelligence, quality and traits are a fixed quantity which cannot be increased. If they are doing well in school then they are smarter than the others who are not doing well. If they do well in sports then they have talent dealt them at birth. They spend time to prove that they are better in the qualities dealt to them just to prove they were dealt a healthy dose and that they are not deficient. If something doesn’t work for fixed mindset people they always blame it on something else.

    Growth mindset people work hard to do better always. They do not sit back and see their accomplishments as the final goal. In their minds there is always room for improvement. They have no time to sit and see themselves as the best or better than others. They have no time to sit and think that they have a special talent. They are busy thinking of how they can make it better and what changes they can make if something expected did not go right. To them if something doesn’t go right it’s not failure it is a challenge to find out ways to make it happen.

    In the second section of the book, Dr.Dweck, takes us through her research journey of fixed mindset and a journey of growth mindset through several sets of eyes. Showing how these two mindsets make or break people in their daily lives. In individual sports she gives an example of John McEnroe fixed mindset in tennis. He was a brilliant player who believed on talent not effort and working hard. When he didn’t win he blamed it on something else. Like when he blamed the system for not liking the game any more. He would not take responsibility. Micheal Jordan on the other hand has a growth mindset. If he missed a goal he would go and practice for several hours trying to figure out why he missed it In team sport the author gives an example of Couch John Wooden who was tactically and strategically average but went on to win ten national championships. Coach Wooden a growth mindset, tells us he was good at getting players to fill roles as part of a team. He cared about the feelings of the players. Fixed mindset like Coach Bobby Knight picked players for talent. He was an excellent coach but used the dictator approach to win. The winning were short lived and broke individuals’ characters in the process.

    In corporate companies the author uses General Electric CEO, Jack Welch, as the fixed mindset who managed to humble himself to a growth mindset and as he grew in his mindset the company grew at the same time. Lee Iacocca whose fixed mind set is good to bring the company up to the top in a hurry but then you need to get rid of him before he breaks it. Ford motor company did just that and Lee Iacocca was not happy. Fixed mindsets leaders are more concerned with being heroes and put their ego before the welfare of the company. The author gives example of Enron as a company that broke in the hands fixed mindset high echelon smart people. Enron employed smart people with talent and paid the maximum price of closing the company. Enron is a good example of groupthink where executives get carried away with their brilliance and superiority and make catastrophic decisions.

    In love, these two mindsets can make or break a relationship. In her research, Dr. Dweck, found out that fixed mindsets feel judged and labeled by rejection in a break up. They also chose revenge as a means to get at the person who hurt them. Growth mindsets chose to forgive, learn from it and move on. The author gives Hilary Clinton as an example who forgave her husband and went to canceling in order to save her relationship. Time and effort is needed to cultivate the emotional skills that are needed to keep a relationship.

    Dr. Dweck, ends this third section with the influence that parents’, teachers’ and coaches’ mindsets have on children that are under their care. In her research she found out that children interpret the caregivers words of support and encouragement in a fixed mindset approach. This sets them up for failure. For example, “… You learned that so quickly! You are so smart… ” is interpreted as “… If I don’t learn something quickly, I’m not smart… ” She explains that parents, teachers and coaches should refrain from giving praise that judges their intelligence or talent but praise them for the work that they put in. She goes on to say parents, teachers, and coaches need to give equal time and attention to the children regardless of their initial skills. The children will in turn give all and blossom. The author points out, “… As parents, teachers, and coaches we are entrusted with peoples’ lives. They are our responsibility and our legacy… “

    In the fourth section of the book, Dr. Dweck, embarks on the most gratifying part of her work, watching people change. People are not conscious or aware of their beliefs. Dr Aaron Beck, a psychiatrist, discovered that he could teach them how to work with and change these beliefs. And cognitive therapy, one of the most effective therapies ever developed, was born. Dr Dweck, used workshops to probe the way people of fixed mindsets dealt with information they were receiving. She found that they put a strong evaluation on each piece of information. Something good led to a very strong positive label and something bad led to a very strong negative label. People with growth mindset are also constantly monitoring what’s going on, but their internal monologue is not about judging themselves or others. They are sensitive to positive and negative information, but they are attuned to it’s implications for learning and constructive action. Dr. Dweck also had workshop for students. The workshops require a large staff to deliver the material. So the workshop material was put on interactive computer modules. The teachers guide their classes through the modules, and called it Braintology. These mindset workshops put students in charge of their brain.

    It is interesting to note how a simple characteristic like a mindset affects decision making in a wide spectrum of the population. A student in kindergarten, a CEO in billion dollar company, a surgeon at work in a hospital, a sportsman at practice and on the court, a chef at a high end hotel, selection of dance students and a sport team. College students drop classes or drop out of school due to having a fixed mindset. A growth mindset helps you learn to deal with anger, and deal with stereotypes in racial and gender discrimination. It’s quite fascinating.

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    Source by Nancy Maina

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  • Finding Your Wealthy Place – Five Steps of Entering Your Wealthy Place

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    You can enter into your wealthy place. It is important however to indicate that such is not an overnight thing. It is a process. Never try to take shortcuts. The good news is that there are sure steps you can follow to reach your wealth place. They are described as follows:

    1. Know and Understand That There Is a Wealthy Place in God

    Not every believer knows that he or she has a wealthy place. That is the reason some believers do not bother working on becoming wealthy. They think having a job is enough. But having only a job cannot make you wealthy. You need to also do something apart from your job. Do business and or invest where you can make money. A paycheck normally meets life’s necessities. But you also have wants. What about them. You need abundance. If only your needs are met, how are you going to be a blessing to the nations (to others).

    “I will bless you and make your descendants into a great nation. You will become famous and be a blessing to others.

    I will bless anyone who blesses you, but I will put a curse on anyone who puts a curse on you. Everyone on earth will be blessed because of you.” (Genesis 12:2-4).

    Abraham was promised a blessing and becoming great if he obeyed. Guess what? He obeyed and was blessed to be a blessing. So shall you be blessed if only you will obey. Someone might say, “Ah! This was said to Abraham and his descendents i.e. his seed.” Just look at the following scripture:

    “So if you belong to Christ, you are now part of Abraham’s family, and you will be given what God has promised.” (Galatians 3:29 – Contemporary English Version). Other versions say we are Abraham’s seed. I hope you know the song, “Abraham’s blessings are mine.” We used to sing that song but I don’t hear much of it today. So we are saying you are blessed.

    If you have been praying and confessing but still broke, revisit the Word and see what God is saying about issues of money. There is a wealthy place. We read in Psalm 105:37, “He [the Lord] brought them forth also with silver and gold: and there was not one feeble person among their tribes.” Do you see the GREAT God we serve? He does not want us to go empty handed. He is a God of abundance. I hope you remember the Father who had two sons (parable of the prodigal son). In Luke 15:11-12, it is recorded, “And the younger of them said to his father, Father, give me the portion of goods that falleth to me. And he divided unto them his living.” A good Father has a portion for everyone of his sons. As sons of God, our Father has a portion for everyone of us. Find your wealthy place. It is your portion.

    2. Locate Wealth

    Maybe you are asking yourself, “What is the wealthy place?” This is a place of more than enough. Here are other lands:

    Land of “not enough”

    We have our excuses for dwelling in this land. Excuses like, “Brother, not everyone is supposed to be rich. So I am OK the way I am. I am fine.” Others say, “I don’t want much my sister. I love the Lord. I pray and read the Bible. I am satisfied with what I have.” But you see, these are all religious excuses. There is abundance. Most of us know this land. Many passed through it. It is a land of struggling in life.

    Then thine heart be lifted up, and thou forget the Lord thy God, which brought thee forth out of THELAND OF EGYPT, from THE HOUSE OF BONDAGE. (Deuteronomy 8:14).

    It is time to come out of this land in Jesus Name. It does not glorify God in any way.

    The Land of ‘Just Enough’

    Most people in life park in the land of “just enough.”They are not trying to justify why they are here. They are satisfied with being here. They have just enough and are barely getting by. But they are satisfied. When you are satisfied you don’t fight for anything. You will not fight for your rights or try to have more. But this is not good enough child of God. It is true that God brings us to one land at a time. Why?

    “And thou shalt remember all the way which the Lord thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep his commandment, or no.

    And he humbled thee, and suffered thee to hunger, and fed thee with manna, which thou knewest not, neither did thy fathers know; that he might make thee know that man doth not live by bread only, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of the Lord doth man live.” (Deuteronomy 8:2, 3).

    During the wilderness experience, the Israelites were allowed to have “just enough”. God fed them with manna for each day. They were not allowed to gather more. Some tried and the manna got rotten and infested with worms. They were still on their way to their “wealthy place”.

    Through the stages of our walk to the wealthy place there is a learning process. In the land of “not enough” you learn to depend on God for your needs (deliverance). Then in the land of “just enough” you learn that God can move you from one level to another. You need to demonstrate more trust on God. Furthermore, you learn to be trustworthy. God should trust you to be the guardian of His wealth. Some testing takes place. You must be seen to be faithful on the little so that much can be given to you.

    The Land of ‘More Than Enough’

    As children of God, we should all be headed to this land. The question is, “Why is it important to get into this land i.e. the wealthy place? This is because once you are in this land; you can help your neighbor. This is part of knowing and fulfilling your covenant. God said to Abraham, “… I will bless thee… and thou shalt be a blessing” (Gen. 12:2). In other words, God told Abraham, “I will bless you and your family so much that you will have to give some of your blessings away.”

    3. Be Willing to encounter obstacles and giants

    As you are willing to encounter obstacles and giants, withstand them using the Word of God. Many believers are not even willing to go into their wealthy place. They are not even thinking about it. Do you know why? It is because there are giants. Have you noted how difficult and challenging to get more money? The reason is that there are giants in the wealthy place. There has to be some fighting and perseverance to enter there.

    “And they [the twelve spies] told him [Moses], and said, We came unto the land whither thou sentest us, and surely it floweth with milk and honey; and this is the fruit of it.

    NEVERTHELESS the people be strong that dwell in the land, and the cities are walled, and very great: and moreover we saw the children of Anak there.” (Number 13:27, 28).

    Not child of God that this was their wealthy place. God had given it to them. They were supposed to go and take it with God’s support. That is how some of us believers react to the promises of God. We have heard the promises given. But because of the obstacles and challenges, we end up not willing to go forward. We decide to settle for less. There will indeed be resistance. God wants to see us moving forward and then He will support us. Believe the Word and do it in Jesus Name.

    Have a good attitude towards the Word of God. Be willing to obey. Look at the attitude of a believer who trusts God:

    In Numbers 13:30, Caleb said, “… Let us go up at once, and possess it; for we are well able to overcome it.” Does it mean this believer didn’t see the giants? He saw them. But he saw God bigger than the giants. Now, who is magnified in your life? Is it God (His Word) or the giants? There is a wealthy place to be possessed. The other spies saw themselves as grasshoppers in the eyes of the giants except Joshua and Caleb. Guess what happened? Out of the generation that came out of Egypt, only Joshua and Caleb entered the “wealthy place”. Why? The believed and acted on the Word of God. Do you believe the Word? Are you going to act on it?

    4. Expand your capacity to receive Wealth

    In order to enter into your wealthy place, you need to cooperate with God. Have an excellent spirit like Joshua and Caleb. The reason why those who died in the wilderness without entering into the place of plenty is that they did not have the capacity to receive the wealthy land. Do not die in the wilderness. The place of “just enough” or place of “not enough”.

    Some way or another, if you are going to receive in life what God has for you, you are going to have to be willing to take a step forward in faith from the mess you are in, toward the promise of God. When you do, God will meet you there. If your faith is really in God and His Word, your faith will not be denied- not now, not ever!

    “If ye be willing and obedient, ye shall eat the good of the land” (Isaiah 1:19). Allow God to enlarge you by the power of His Word and Spirit.

    5. Step Five: Take the limits off God

    If there is something that can hinder God’s full manifestation in our lives, it is our unbelief. Otherwise God is more than willing to take us to our wealthy place. He works in our lives to the extent that we believe and allow Him. He cannot force His way.

    “Yea, they TURNED BACK and TEMPTED GOD,and LIMITED THE HOLY ONE OF ISRAEL.” (Psalm 78:41).

    You are the only one that can limit God. After you have removed the limits, adjust your vision. God once told Abraham that as far as his eyes would see, that land He was going to give to him. You can receive only what you can see. It is all in the Word. The question is, “Can you see it with your physical eyes closed?”

    You remember Elisha’s servant Gehazi? When attacked by the Syrians he was afraid but Elisha told him not to. Why? There were angels all around them. Look at the following:

    “And when the servant of the man of God was risen early, and gone forth, behold, an host compassed the city both with horses and chariots. And his servant said unto him, Alas, my master! how shall we do?

    And he answered, Fear not: for they that be with us are more than they that be with them.

    And Elisha prayed, and said, LORD, I pray thee, open his eyes, that he may see. And the LORD opened the eyes of the young man; and he saw: and, behold, the mountain was full of horses and chariots of fire round about Elisha. (2 Kings 6:15-17).

    In the Name of Jesus Christ, I pray that your eyes may be opened and that you may see all that the Lord has prepared for you.

    Blessings in Jesus Name!

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    Source by Elphas Sipho Mdluli

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  • Will You Marry Me? Four Simple Little Words, That Mean So Much

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    Since my social gathering, thoughts took me back my own marriage proposal, some 16 years ago. I had imagined how it might unfold; we had talked about marriage and family, so I knew it would arise at some point. Would it be full of romance, flowers, a candle-lit dinner and my future husband down on one knee, eloquently pledging his undying love for me! Well, not exactly – after a drunken evening in a local nightclub, you know the ones, with sticky ‘beer soaked’ carpets and dated disco tunes; he turned around to me and said ‘How about it then, shall we get married? Not the dreamy scene I had hoped for, but of course, I said ‘yes’ and we have been happily married with 2 children and a dog for the last 14 years.

    How many of us wait in anticipation for our partners to pop “the question?” Then are disappointed when either, it never happens or when it does, it doesn’t live up to our own expectations. Dreams of being whisked off to a secret exotic location, a special evening in the finest restaurant, and then finally having plucked up the courage to ask, and in front of an unsuspecting audience, your companion is down on one knee saying the words you have been waiting for.

    I have to tell you, although you might not believe me, this type of scenario does happen in real life. The friend that caught the bouquet had a marriage proposal that could have been taken from a film set.

    It started with a mystery holiday that had been planned as a birthday treat, she had no idea of where she was going and was told to pack for warm, sunny weather. The destination was the Greek island of Santorini, staying in a lovely hotel with magnificent sea views.

    A carefully planned romantic walk, where a ‘sea view’ table and a bottle of chilled Moet awaited them to watch the sunset. Along their ocean saunter, a detour to a traditional greek church with white washed exterior and striking blue dome, as my friend finished taking numerous photographs, she turned round to be presented with a handmade puzzle!

    I sure you can guess what came next, when she placed the puzzle pieces together, those simple four words appeared in front of her and her man, down of one knee, offering her the ‘sexiest’ (her words, not mine) engagement ring she had ever seen. Don’t be surprised when I tell you that, not only did my friend’s thoughtful fiancée plan the mystery trip, sea views and romantic proposal, he also designed and arranged for the ring to be handmade with her birthstone!

    Other marriage proposal stories have floated past my ears over the last few years. One in particular, a tale of a treasure hunt, constructed from cryptic clues sending the hopeful lady on an adventure to a hidden destination. Upon arrival, a small Silver love letter necklace with a delicately engraved letter inside – Will you marry me? An engagement ring placed on a finger and another couple betrothed to each other.

    I am full of admiration for imaginative partners that take the time to plan a proposal, complete with surprises, mystery and the odd glass of champagne. Not everyone needs to go to these lengths and as long as the sentiments of the words are truly felt, then any proposal is a special moment. Regardless of how a marriage proposal is planned or not, from my ‘sticky carpet’ moment in the local nightclub or my friend’s Shirley Valentine meets Mamma Mia adventure on the island of Santorini, with marriage statistics as an all time low, isn’t it all about being asked those simple 4 words and living in happily ever after – with the perfect Engagement ring of course!

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    Source by Claire L Bentley

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  • Rich Brother by Tobias Wolff

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    The Rich Brothers is a story of two brothers, their sibling rivalry and their contrast in everything including worldly success and failure. While Pete is rich and Donald is poor by the end of the story we are left wondering who among the two is actually rich in the real sense of the term.

    Pete, the older among the sibling is rich and successful. He exemplifies the American middle class dream – nice family life with a wife and two daughters, a house, a sailboat, and every other thing that money can buy you – of success that his hard work in real estate business could attain for him. Donald, the younger brother is just his opposite. He lives alone and survives out of painting houses. At times, he lives in a Berkeley ashram and lives in financial debt.

    Pete comes to rescue Donald out of his difficulties and donates him money right in the beginning of this story. The two are driving in a car when Pete gifts him $100. However, there is a subtle sub-text of sibling rivalry in the background during their childhood as also when they grow up. Donald for instance, reminds Pete how as a kid he wanted to kill him, to which Pete replies, “children always do such things”.

    Pete doesn’t bother to or perhaps doesn’t like to discuss his personal life with Donald, yet Donald asks him if he ever dreams of his younger brother. Pete, in fact has a recurring dream that he is blind and needs his brother’s assistance. Perhaps, the author has metaphorically hinted at the blindness inherent in material success and in need of genuine spiritual assistance from people like Donald.

    The story moves further even as we discover more contrasting characteristics of the two brothers. In comes a character Webster that tells them a mythic tale of his own dream experience involving goldmine and greed. Donald gives away $100 gifted to him by Pete. But Pete throws him out of the car on learning what he has done.

    Meanwhile, Pete ponders what would he answer his wife when she would ask him about his brother? Perhaps, he is not worried. Material wealth has blind his conscience; his sensitivity: “And in this way, smiling, nodding to the music, he went another mile or so and pretended that he was not already slowing down, that he was not going to turn back, that he would be able to drive on like this alone, and have the right answer when his wife stood before him in the doorway of his home and asked, Where is he? Where is your brother?”(Wolff 269)

    Wolff’s story parallels the biblical story of Cain and Abel. One brother is spiritual, God-oriented, helping and reaching out to others, while the other is materialistic, has least concern with God and can even go to the extent of trying to kill or hurt his brother. The contrast in the character of the two brother compels us to ask who is the rich brother? The one that has money or the one who lacks material wealth, but is endowed with human virtues? Who really needs whom? Does Donald really need money? If he really needed money, why would he give it away to Webster without a second thought? Pete can only pretend that he doesn’t need Donald. He can only pretend that he can go alone and will answer his acts toward his brother.

    The author through contradictory characters of the two brothers has tried to dig the real meaning of wealth. A person can remain unfulfilled despite all his wealth as shown through the metaphor of dream where Pete is blind and in need for assistance. Donald is pious, happy and harbors no grudge against Pete, and therefore, is quite capable of helping Pete learn how to be a good person.

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    Source by Ajit Kumar Jha

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  • Explore a Luxurious Lifestyle With Flats in North Kolkata

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    North Kolkata and luxurious lifestyle? They are not quite synonymous to each other, right? Are you sure about this outlook? Well, the reality is based on a different story altogether.

    North Kolkata essentially represents the vintage charm of the city. There is something unique about the region. While walking down the lanes of this region, you'll come across homes which were built during the British era or even before. The lanes are narrow where you'll find children indulging in playing 'gully cricket'. You'll come across the traditional shops selling fried eatables or as the Bengalis call it 'Tele Bhaja' along with some iconic sweet shops. However, luxurious lifestyle calls much more than such features. It calls for modern features that will upgrade your living standards and simplify it as well.

    Hence, things are changing for North Kolkata. The small shops, old vintage houses and narrow lanes are getting replaced by contemporary facilities and modern living spaces. However, does that mean this place will provide you with a luxurious lifestyle? Let's delve into the blog to familiarize with the truth.

    Luxury Living & North Kolkata- Do they Go Hand-in-Hand?

    Modern Residential Projects: Luxury starts with residential complexes defined by opulence and style. The housing complexes in North Kolkata will provide you the same. Most of the projects in this region are stunning defined by comfort, luxury and modern-day conveniences under one roof. The residential complexes are wrapped in the pure essence of nature backed by modern features, bringing you the best of both worlds.

    Most of the projects are spread across a huge acre of land with 60-70% open spaces defined by lush green foliage. Such projects also consist of landscaped gardens, ponds, pocket gardens, children's park and the likes to provide one with well-rounded lifestyle amidst a stunning milieu.

    Upgraded Living Spaces: With modern housing complexes, you'll also get the advantage to live in fine living spaces which will essentially improve your living standards. Constructed using cutting edge technology, the projects consists of comfort packed rooms, quality apartment specifications (like bathroom & kitchen fixtures) and an amazing city view. What's more? The modern luxury apartments in North Kolkata are open on 3-4 sides and are Vaastu compliant, thus bringing comfort and good vibes in your new home. Some projects will also provide you with duplex living spaces within a price range of 30 lakhs to 40 lakhs. Isn't that incredible?

    Excellent Amenities & Facilities: In today's world, it is mandatory for a residential complex to provide the residents with a remarkable set of amenities and facilities. Understanding the significance of the same, the developers are making sure to provide the residential complexes with clubhouse amenities and residential project facilities that will enhance the living standards a step further. Luxuriate with residential complexes in North Kolkata consisting of features like:

    • Rooftop swimming pool.

    • Adda Room

    • Pool Table

    • Modern Gymnasium

    • A Multi-Purpose Grass Court.

    • Landscaped Green Areas

    • Reflexology Park, etc.

    Apart from these three primary features, connectivity quotient in North Kolkata has improved as well. The region has seen an increase in local train routes, buses, auto-rickshaws, call cabs and even metro links, easier simplifying the daily task of traveling to various parts of the city. For example, if you buy flats in Barasat, you'll stay considerably close to the airport, local railway stations and upcoming metro link for an easy traveling affair.

    With connectivity, the region has also seen an improvement in commercial facilities. The region now consists of popular schools, health care centers, malls, departmental stores, entertainment zones, etc., thus meeting your requirement for a well-rounded lifestyle.

    Hence, does luxurious lifestyle and North Kolkata goes hand in hand? We can say without any second thought they do go hand in hand. Hence, North Kolkata is becoming a hub of high end residential projects to provide you with a posh living standard. Are you planning to buy a new home? Why don't you check out the residential complexes in this region? Your dream home is probably hidden here.

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    Source by Jems Hug

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  • The Philosophy of the Mind, Mindset and Mentality

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    It is important for people, who are serious about reflecting on the issue of the mind and its associated issues of the body. It is defined that the basis of Philosophy of the Mind is the branch of philosophy that studies the nature of the mind (mental events, mental functions, mental properties and consciousness) and its relationship to the physical body. It intersects to some extent with the fields of neurobiology, computer science and psychology. It is also interesting, at this juncture, to evaluate an aspect of theory of mind. It is stated that 'Theory of the Mind', is the social cognitive ability to explain and predict other people's actions in terms of the fundamental mental states, such as beliefs, intentions, or feelings.

    Baron-Cohen is a Professor of Developmental Psychopathology who proposed the empathizing / systematizing theory of psychological sex differences. He emphasizes that females are more disposed to an empathizing style and males are more disposed to a systematizing style. Consciously and sub-consciously both genders progressively streamline their efforts to draw meaningful results to find out which effect is more pronounced in the daily lives of human beings. Therefore, it is logical to study the relationship of the mind and mind-set with a variance of mentality. Thus, the mentality, eventually, becomes a pivotal point either good or bad subjectively.

    All creatures are created on "The Fitrat"; It is an Arabic word and it means original creation without an analogy. It has an ingrained quality that likes truth and good. It rejects all malign and untruth until such that the arrogance and ignorance overpower the mind. The deviation has its impact, yet the 'The Fitrat' constantly reminds the human beings its repercussions. However, the human mind which is polluted with arrogance and impertinence finally leads towards disaster.

    Analyzing the above scenario, which leads to environmental forces playing a dominant role affecting human behavior. Since God has also bestowed human beings' wisdom and knowledge, hence, human has a choice to select and rejects what his mind dictates. Subsequently, it develops a mentality which suits his desires finally shaping the personality of men and women accordingly.

    A question arises about how a mind affects the personality; If so, then in what way? Again, how it shapes the mentality? Human behavior indicates that the structure of brain correlates with their activities. The brain is directly proportional to personality and it is substantiated by Collin De Young and his team at University of Minnesota. They further stated, "Experiences change the brain as it develops, and those changes in the brain can change personality."

    Dr. Daniel Siegel coined the term "mindset" to describe the human capacity to perceive the mind of the self and others. A mindset is a relationship between the mind and brain and these factors collectively evolve the mentality. It differs with every individual subject to their upbringing with respective dwellings within the parameters of cultural, social and family values.

    It is important to understand why some individuals from poor dwellings, who, after, marriage is living in economically affluent environments remain introvert and perverted. Their past still haunts their behavior which is subconsciously governed by their poor mentality. Thus, their martial, live in affluent families failed to make a dent on a positive note. Hence, the relationship within their post marital environment conspicuously shows unhappy and bickering. In many cases, it drastically affects children and relationships among respective families.

    It is said that being a poor person is not bad, but having a poor mentality is a disaster. This typical camouflage scenario will expose the truth lying beneath the façade of superficial mask. Here, those people who are responsible to adjust and maintained the situations in a harmony often failed miserably because of dubious thinking and arrogance. It is appropriate to, quote, "The mind is a beautiful servant; a dangerous master." (The source of this quote is unknown)

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    Source by Ehtesham Mirza

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  • Why You Need to Express Emotion

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    When I was young I was taught that crying was not good. After all, the message was that if you cry too much, “you’re going to get sick.” Crying, especially in public, definitely was bad news. In short, crying, even when grieving, was considered to be a sign of weakness. If you were going to cry, then do so in private.

    Through the years this and many other natural ways of showing emotion have been stifled by many of the celebrities who always assume a stoic pose when appearing on camera. (I always remember the death of President Kennedy and the way Jackie showed little emotion during the funeral and on TV.)

    Many additional beliefs about expressing emotion were looked down upon for years as western culture had adopted the “rugged individualism” view of dealing with life in all its manifestations. Expressing emotion was out and being strong was definitely in. Keeping emotion within is presently the cultural norm.

    However, psychology and the social sciences have shown time and time again the importance of expressing, in some form, what is happening inside; it can actually save your life. If you have been trained by the authority figures in your life to suppress your feelings or if you are unable to cry (much to do with unconscious beliefs instilled early in life) when one might be expected to do so, consider the following.

    1. We are built to vocalize feelings and tell our stories. This is an inherent and normal human response. Its purpose is to relieve the stress of trauma and massive change that occur in every life. There is a basic human need to externalize the pressure and pain that develops within.

    2. What is the alternative when we bottle the anxiety, anger, fear, guilt or pain that is generated by a major loss? The physical self pays a huge price to perform this task. Stress hormones go into overdrive and every cell in the body is affected. I repeat, every cell in the body is heavily stressed. Energy stores are depleted.

    3. A more vicious result of stuffing feelings is that our unconscious and our memory banks keep them forever alive in full force. Consequently, we are easily thrown into deep pain throughout life when something we see in a movie or on a TV show or read in the paper, cues up the terrible feelings and memories we never dealt with.

    So what can you do? The obvious answer is to find a way to tell your story of pain and disappointment. If you don’t have a best friend who is a good long-term listener, (a resource we all need to develop), then seek out a counselor, clergy person, or support group. You also can express feelings through writing, drawing, painting or sculpting. Reach out to God to unload your burden. You may need several avenues of release.

    Give in to the natural inclination to share the pain of loss. There is nothing weak about doing so. It is not merely highly therapeutic, it will lead to insights into your loss and how to cope with it (verbalizing our feelings often leads to new interpretations and thoughts). When appropriate, request your good listener to give you valuable feedback.

    Make every effort to change the pattern of the way you deal with loss and change and encourage your children to be open with you about their feelings. See the process as wisdom seeking and in making wise choices. Let periodic expression, where you plumb the deepest depths of your feelings, become part of your long-term healing process. We all need the nurturance and feeling of community that sharing feelings naturally brings forth.

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    Source by Lou LaGrand

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