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Health Anxiety and Solutions

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It's always important to take care of oneself using all the principles of good health. Regular check-ups, proper nutrition and healthful living all enable one to keep on top of their health in a careful yet reasonable way. Often one becomes overly concerned with health issues and caught up in a cycle of health worries. One health issue is reconciled when another immediately pops up to take its place. These worries become all encompassing and exhausting after a while.

Eventually, the individual realizes that this cycle of health anxieties has intruded upon the quality of their life. A dark cloud, always hovering over daily living, this intrusive form of anxiety has to be addressed. One begins by determining why this is occurring, what purpose does it serve and how to interrupt this behavior.

Reason for Health Anxiety

Health worries actually serve a purpose and this purpose is not difficult to detect if one looks deep enough into this pattern of behavior. Often this pattern involves the brain distracting from specific emotions which the individual finds difficult to address.

Many emotions are so overwhelming, such as anger, grief or fear, that the brain looks for ways to distract. Health worries fit the bill because when one worries intensely about their health, there is little room to address an upsetting emotion.

Health worries blanket every other thought and this WORKS. This is the perfect distraction from unsettling emotions. When one worry is reconciled, another takes it place to veil the unaddressed emotion. Each health worry has a strong purpose, as it masks the true upsetting emotion, which is much more difficult to face in the long run.

Solution

– Recognition and acknowledgment of the Health Anxiety habit, one worry quickly following another in a noticeable loop that never ends. Awareness of this cycle is always the first step to reconciliation of the issue.

– Determining if this health worry is a true physical problem by visiting one's primary physician and ruling out a definite physical cause for the difficulty. Always rule out a physical cause before assuming it is merely health anxiety.

– Noticing that these health worries settle down when you become intensely interested in another topic or swept into a new relationship, job or cause.

– Identify your patterns. Do you experience twinges of symptoms that often jump from one area of the body to another? Do you find yourself overestimating physical intrusions and instantly jump to the conclusion that they signify danger or warrant the attention of an alert?

– Find interests that involve your entire being. Lose yourself in things that allow you little time for inward thinking. True illness does not surface through boredom as do these behaviors. True health problems do not generally follow the same time table as health anxieties do. Health worries are stronger during times of boredom and when one lacks interests. An intelligent mind requires challenges and goals.

– Activity is an important therapeutic tool against health worries. Exercise and movement invigorate and stimulate the mind and body in a positive way. Endorphins are released and Serotonin levels are boosted naturally when activity is a part of a daily routine. Moderate walking, jogging, tennis, swimming and dancing are all helpful activities that bring forth positive results.

– Nutrition is also essential to good health which in itself helps eliminate the strong habit of negative thinking, often concerning health worries. When eating properly, Serotonin levels are naturally boosted and blood sugar levels remain stable. This helps settle down an over-reactive mind, leading to a lessening in health anxieties.

– Talk back to the brain by firmly telling it to stop when health worries enter the mind. Shift into a more positive mode of thinking because you always have a choice in what you think about.

The mind will respond by quieting down as negative thoughts subside. The brain, caught red handed in this behavior is instantly embarrassed causing it to suspend this cycle of negative thought. This is comparative to a child being caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Embarrassment at being caught, stops this intrusive behavior.

– Be aware of "what if" thinking. If the majority of sentences you think begin with "what if" then this is proof of a strong health anxiety habit. Change "what if" thinking to "so what" and watch the cycle break.

Most of all, understand that worry solves nothing. Health worries, in particular will only serve to exhaust and deplete both mind and body. Consciously make a concerted effort to change the way you think and you will succeed in changing your life. You will go from self victimization to freedom from the intrusive habit of fearful worry.

You always have a choice. Life can be wonderful and fulfilling when you learn to alter your perspective and chose a more positive point of view. You always have a choice. Never define yourself by your habit of worried thinking. Do not be victimized by health anxiety and fear. With a few simple corrections, especially in thinking, you will find your life changes from being difficult and upsetting to becoming easier and much more fulfilling on a daily basis.

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Source by Dr.

Views: 0

November 10, 2022
Can Emotional Pain Build-Up If Someone Doesn’t Have A Strong Connection With Their Body?

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After someone has experienced loss, they could end up experiencing emotional pain. When it comes to how severe this pain is, it can all depend on who has passed on.

So, if a family member has passed on, the amount of pain that they are in could be unbearable. Through being in so much pain, one could reach out for the support of family and friends.

Additional Help

This might not be enough, though, and one might end up reaching out for professional assistance. Perhaps their friends and their family are unable to be there for them on a regular basis.

It could be said that this is just part of life as these people are going to have their own responsibilities to deal with. There is also the chance that these people are also in a lot of pain and haven’t always got the energy to be there for them.

The Sensible Approach

The main thing here is that one will be embracing how they feel, and this will allow them to gradually embrace life once again. This doesn’t mean that they will ever ‘get over’ what took place; what it means is that they won’t stay stuck in this emotional place forever.

Additionally, one may also allow themselves to cry when they need to or during certain times. What this will illustrate is that one has a healthy relationship with the emotional part of their being.

Just One Example

If this is the case, it is going to be normal for them to embrace how they feel. Therefore, regardless of whether someone passes on, a relationship comes to an end, or something else takes place that has an impact on them, they will go with how they feel.

It is not going to be an issue for them to cry or to get angry, for instance, which may generally stop too much emotional pain from building-up inside their body. This is going to allow them to operate as whole human being.

Two Sides

Of course, there will be times when facing how they feel will be hard, even overwhelming, but it will be worth it. The reason for this is that having a good connection with their feelings will benefit their life in a myriad of ways.

For one thing, it will give them the ability to form deeper connections with others, and this wouldn’t be possible if they were emotionally disconnected. Also, their feelings will give them the guidance that they need to live a fulfilling.

A Different Experience

For someone else, it could be normal for them to deny how they feel after they have experienced loss. It is then not going to matter what kind of loss takes place as they will respond in the same way.

Through taking this approach, they may believe that the emotional pain they were in has simply disappeared. Yet, although it may seem as though is the case, this couldn’t be further from the truth.

Disconnected

In reality, their mind will have lost touch with their body and this part of them will still be carrying their feelings. However, as their point of awareness is generally in their head, this is unlikely to occur to them.

To maintain the illusion that they have created, it will be vital for them to do what they can to stay out of their body. If this doesn’t take place and they were to get back in there, they would end up being overwhelmed by emotional pain.

Twp Parts

Living on the surface of themselves may allow them to be successful when it comes to their career, for instance, but it unlikely that they will be able to experience intimacy or to live a life that is deeply fulfilling. It could also be a real challenge for them to relax and to just be; if they were to settle down, all the pain that is inside them could start to rise up.

Being on the go just about all of the time, acting like a ‘human doing’ as opposed to a ‘human being’, will be a way for them to avoid themselves. Nonetheless, this kind of behaviour is often seen as a sign that someone is ‘driven’ or has ‘high self-esteem’, so very few people are likely to realise that something isn’t right.

What’s going on?

If someone has the tendency to avoid how they feel as an adult and to live in their head, this could be something that has taken place for as long as they can remember. Perhaps, their early years were a time when they didn’t receive the attunement that they needed to develop in the right way.

As a result of this, leaving their body and getting into their head would have been the only way for them to stop themselves from being overwhelmed. The years will then have passed, but staying out of their body will still be a way for them to stop themselves from being taken out by how they feel.

A Build-Up

Their body can then carry the emotional pain that they avoided as a child and it can carry all of the pain that they have avoided as an adult. The longer they avoid themselves in this way, the more pain there will be.

With this is mind, the sooner that they face this pain the better it will be. Facing this pain is what will allow them to not just look whole on the outside, but to feel whole on the inside.

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Awareness

If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they will most likely need to reach out for external support. This can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

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Source by Oliver JR Cooper

Views: 0

November 10, 2022
Why Healing Requires Integrating Our Unconscious Experiences Into The Wholeness Of Our Being
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Nurture The Deepest Part Of Your Core Nature

Healing involves integrating our fragmented parts into the entirety of our being. However, the paradox is: we are not broken but merely disassociated from our wholeness. The term healing denotes restoring what is not functioning as it is intended. When we are caught up in the distorted beliefs about ourselves, it leads to separation or what we consider being broken. In fact, it is merely being separated from the completeness of our true nature. Think in terms of a hologram where the whole is contained in every part. This was an idea espoused by the late theoretical physicist David Bohm who believed the universe is a solid and brilliant hologram. He recognized how each part of our physical reality contained information about the whole. Therefore, our thoughts, emotions, soul and physical body are composed of our soul nature.

How does this idea appeal to you? Are you comfortable knowing whilst you were born whole and pure, through your beliefs, thoughts and experiences it leads to separation? I'm not suggesting it is entirely your fault because we are all bound to experience this. It is said, while our painful experiences are not our fault, healing the pain is our responsibility. Although there's an element of truth to it, we ought to remember there is nothing to heal other than to attend to our unconscious memories in order to return to wholeness. By attending to these aspects, we integrate our known sense of separateness. Release and Renew is a mantra I often repeat in my writing when I discuss healing and emotions. In doing so, we release that which is not conducive to the present moment. Similarly, we renew our commitment to nurture ourselves by connecting with our core emotions. The integration I speak of is an association with our soul nature, which at its essence is pure, whole and knows nothing of separateness or brokenness. It is the egoic mind which disconnects us from our spiritual self to create two identities ie the darkness and the light.

How To Heal Your Fragmented Parts

I am drawn to a passage by the South African author Michael Brown, who writes in The Presence Process : "I dropped my use of the word" heal "because of its connotation that something was wrong and had to be fixed. using the word "integrate," which to me meant there was a part of my experience that was unconscious- a part of my experience that I resisted, controlled, and sedated-which was asking to be incorporated into the whole.Whereas healing felt like I was excluding something from my experience, integration felt like I was embracing everything I experienced . " I believe Brown makes two important points here: we mustn't resist nor control the past, but perceive them as the whole of our life's experience. Second, integration means to embrace or at the very least acknowledge everything that happened to us. Perhaps not right away, but when we are ready to make peace with the past.

What are your thoughts about this? I realize you may have questions related to your personal experiences. Whilst I am not present to answer them, I assure you trying to make sense of them consciously is a healing process rather than an integration process. It is what author Dr. Mario Martinez means when he writes in The MindBody Code: How to Change the Beliefs that Limit Your Health, Longevity, and Success : "The true agents of change are elevated cognitions and exalted emotions. These agents of change provide sustain transformation; in fact, they have triumphed over the greatest infamies and darkest periods in our human journey. " It does little good to dwell on why the past took place as it did. Instead, we ought to turn the tables and consider the following questions as a basis for self-enquiry. Instead of trying to make sense of the past which keeps us trapped replaying painful memories, we identify how the experiences served us.
1. How can I use the past to facilitate my greater growth?
2. In what ways can I use my emotional wounds to bring peace and love to the part of me that is pure and whole?
3. How can I integrate my sense of separateness into the wholeness of my being?
4. Whom do I need to become and let go of to achieve this inner state?
Once we can perceive the pain of the past through the lens of: compassion, forgiveness, peace and love we heal our fragmented parts. It may involve deep exploration into ourselves with or without the guidance of a trained therapist. Considering this, I'd like you to spend the following week journaling your answers to the four questions above. Call it a remote coaching session if you like. Write what comes to mind even if it involves images or symbols. Similarly, pay attention to your dreams via the symbols that appear. Note how you feel within the dream and upon waking. Look for messages in your waking life in the form of people, places and situations that cause you unrest. This is your soul guiding you towards integration. Ultimately, to heal ourselves we must be willing to integrate the pain of the past, so healing happens naturally as nature intended it to.

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Source by Tony Fahkry

Views: 0
November 10, 2022
People Are Not Very Supportive Of My Marital Separation. They Aren’t Happy For Me If Things Improve

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I sometimes hear from people who are getting some hurtful feedback from those who are supposed to be “supporting” them during their marital separation. Sometimes, this so-called support comes from friends or family members. It can even come from the “support group” that you specifically joined in order to feel lifted up during your separation, which can be incredibly disappointing. Someone might say, “I did not really want to burden my family, friends, or coworkers with details about my separation. They know that I am separated, but I just don’t want to hear people’s personal opinions about my husband or my marriage. I am hoping to reconcile and so I don’t want to influence their opinions about my husband or about our relationship. However, I wanted a place to talk things through and to feel supported so I joined a support group for people going through a separation / divorce. The first week felt pretty good, but maybe that is because everyone was on their best behavior. I have to admit that the last few weeks, it really hasn’t gone well. I want to reconcile with my husband. I was looking for people who could identify with what I was going through to keep my spirits up while I was waiting to see what happened with my marriage. However, many of these people are getting ready to divorce and are quite bitter and angry. If I try to relay good news that happened between my husband and myself during the week, I sometimes get sarcastic comments. Someone might say ‘well, just wait. He’s just trying to be nice to you so that you’ll accept the divorce later.’ These type of comments are obviously not what I want to hear. I don’t mind expressing my fears, but I want people to try to talk me down or to help me look on the bright side. I don’t want people to tell me that the worst case scenario is going to happen or that all separations end in divorce. This is why I didn’t tell some friends and family, but now I am getting this with the support group. And yet, I know that I need support, so I am not sure what to do.”

I can really identify with what you are saying. I told some people about my own separation and I really came to regret it. Some of my friends became really angry with my husband and never really got over it – even after we reconciled. By then, I’d long forgiven my husband, and I just wanted to move on. But some people wouldn’t let it go. The thing is, with some people, if you tell them your most personal issues, then you’d better be ready to talk about those same issues every single time that you talk with them because they want to keep bringing it up and picking the scab. That is why you have to be really careful about who you confide in. Some people will project their own experiences and fears onto your experience and obviously, this doesn’t help you. Just because there are people in the support group who may be headed for divorce, this does not mean that you will be. At some point, I just had to tell people who weren’t supportive that I valued their friendship, but that I needed to talk about something else. Then I sought support elsewhere.

If you have not tried counseling, that is probably the very best option for support. They are trained professionals whose only job is to help you. They don’t know you outside of this and therefore are not going to let other things bleed into the reason for your being there. That is really the ideal scenario, but if you are resistant to counseling, then you have to pick your “trusted support person” carefully. If you truly feel that the support group isn’t going to improve, then you want to make sure that if you decide to end this support system, then you have already replaced it with a new and better one. Honestly, my ideal support person was not who I thought that it would be. It was someone from work who I did not know very well and perhaps that helped. She didn’t have all of the history with me that some of my other friends did. And she had separated and reconciled previously so she understood my thought process. Our interactions always left me feeling better, and not worse.

I often journaled my feelings on weekends because I knew that I needed to get them out and didn’t have access to my best support person. I came to decide that I’d rather journal to release my feelings than to have unsupportive people make me feel worse.

It’s important to remember that you can control who you allow to influence you. It’s possible to politely retreat when people aren’t understanding or supportive. It can be really important to surround yourself with positivity because it’s easy to get discouraged. And it’s very important to remember that people’s unsupportive reactions usually have more to do with their situation than with yours. They are projecting their own life and their own problems onto you, which just isn’t fair. If the support group isn’t providing the support that you need and is just making you feel worse, there’s nothing wrong with politely seeking support elsewhere. Because support is very important, but it can be tricky and difficult to find the right, objective person or group of people. At the same time, you don’t want to alienate family and friends, which is why it’s fine to just change the subject and ask to discuss something else.

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Source by Leslie Cane

Views: 0

November 10, 2022
Why Improving the Look of Your Leveraged Sales Products Matters

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A New Year has come upon us and it's time to relook at some of the leveraged sales products. If it's been at least six months since you've reexamined your products, now is the time to take a fresh look. Are you achieving your sales goals with them? Did they drop off in the last few months? If you feel like something in your product line can be improved, it's time to relook at everything and make improvements. In some cases, the rework is easy and done within in minutes. While others take more time, and may need a specialist to help. Don't give up, there are ways to improve your sales, you just need to look at the data and try something new.

The "Why" in improvement for leveraged sales.

Better looking leveraged sales products could mean a dynamic improvement in sales. It's always preached in book writing groups, that your eBook cover should be improved. If you're selling eBook's, maybe it's time to see if you can get a new cover that may help with your sales. Some folks never change their covers and let them set on the shelves for a long time. While its costly to change them, the sales and shares are worth the investment. The new cover can add a whole new life to the material. It shows your visitors that your serious about helping them by displaying an improved cover.

Maybe you need to look at the material in your leveraged sales and improve the copy. The material can be outdated, especially if your eBook's or guides have been in your online store for a year or longer. Other content may need just simple formatting changes and background changes. These cosmetic changes can enhance the beauty of your work and bring about new sales, increased trust and authority. However, a bad design is really difficult to overcome, be careful and do some research before granting final approval.

How the New Look of Your Leveraged Sales will play a major role in your marketing?

Reworking your leveraged sales is important, especially if you're a newbie in the business. People do judge a book by its cover and the first impression is always the lasting one. If your work comes across as lame, or unprofessional. Most people will never ever give you a second chance. So, by applying some effort to your project, you can create an impression that is favorable. Your first effort may be good, but you always want to try to improve upon your craft. In this regard, your prospects will develop a stronger relationship with you. Your leveraged sales will play a master role as you look to connect and build sales on your social media channels.

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Source by David L. Feinstein

Views: 1

July 30, 2022
What To Look For When Choosing A Bitcoin Trading Bot

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Cryptocurrency market has become very popular and every trader is looking to make it big with bitcoin trading. It is however a very volatile market that can be hard to keep up with, especially considering that this is a market that never sleeps unlike the stock market. To make things easier for traders, trading bots have been developed. A trading bot can be defined as software program which is designed to interact with financial exchanges directly so relevant information is obtained and interpreted so orders can be bought and sold on the traders' behalf.

In essence, the bots make decision through market price movement monitoring and use of pre-programed rules so that losses can be stopped. The bot analyzes market actions like price, volume and orders according to your preferences and tastes as a trader and makes the decision. If you are into bitcoin trading, then you may want to choose the best bitcoin trading bot to ease out the process for you. But with so many bots now available, how do you know which one is best?

Customization and ease of use

The interface of a good trading bot should be easy to use by any kind of trader including those who know nothing about coding. All information necessary should be easy to find and the gains clearly shown together with all aspects of the trading that matter including buy orders and current sell. All you should be required to do is enter your pairs and numbers and then start your trading with a click of a button. Apart from being straightforward even for first time users, a customizable trading bot is even better. With this function, you will be in a position to change how the skin looks so you can have a program that you are happy to use every time.

Operating system compatibility

Not all bots are designed the same and not all traders will use the same operating systems. For this reason, you want to get a platform that functions on all the operating systems. With this kind of bot on your side, you can access your trades from Linux, Mac or Windows depending on the device you are using. With your orders and settings on a USB, you will only need to plug into any computer to continue trading with the operating system notwithstanding. A standalone bot that requires no installation and is compatible with all systems will prove very convenient in the end.

Support for pairs, coins and exchange

Apart from bitcoin, you could be a trader interested in other pairs, exchanges and coins. It can therefore be more helpful to find a trader bot that can accommodate different coins offered by major exchanges. A full stacked crypto bot will work great for a spontaneous kind of trader.

Other bot features that could prove to be helpful are notifications and reporting, real time and historical back testing among others. Find out what the trader bot can do and select accordingly.

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Source by Shalini Madhav

Views: 1

July 30, 2022
Bottom Up Multi Level Marketing Structures That Work

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Feeding a Multi Level Marketing business is incredibly difficult in today’s world. There are many factors that stand in the way of creating a highly profitable home based business with the network marketing model. Traditionally people have faced the fear that the look of a typical multi-level marketing business is very pyramid like. I have always been able to see how network marketing is not a pyramid business. The results vary based on the individuals. People are the factor that add to the success or failure of an online business.

There is a change that needs to occur in the mentality of the person trying to build their network. People that go out only looking for the profit will soon find that they are broke. We are in a society that demands value. People are not likely do drop a lot of money into a home based business unless they know they are going to make money back. How do we do this as multi-level marketers when traditionally the bottom 60 percent of people in an MLM don’t make any money?

The answer lies in the question. With many newer multi-level marketing businesses there are team bonuses, and match bonuses. These are incentives to the leaders to ensure that their bottom people are starting to see money. This is accomplished by the leaders getting down to their bottom line and finding out what they need to ensure success. People want to succeed in MLM, but most people do not know how to recruit! The upline people’s job is to help these people get their first sign ups, and then that puts the people on a positive path. With team bonuses and match bonuses it is important to ensure the success of people further down.

Network Marketers that work in this fashion find two things. First they find that they gain more team building bonuses. Second they will find that these people nearer the bottom start to make some money and want to learn how to help the people below them!

When you take the time to help someone succeed, you will find that they will want to repay that favor. This is where the expert network marketer can shine. Passing on how to properly invite people, and teaching them how to talk to the people after and get them to sign up will go much further than just constantly recruiting more people.

In the end, taking the time to help, and to nurture your bottom line people will pay off huge dividends. People that are coached and rewarded for small successes will learn more and soon your level of success will surpass your wildest dreams!

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Source by Paul Harvie

Views: 0

July 29, 2022
Always Be in Money Making Mode!

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Every day you should be doing something to make money. Making money can become a habit, just like not making money. It is important that you cultivate and develop the money-making mindset.

If you have an email list send them valuable and information information on a regular basis. If you are creating content to get links back to your website, create it every day. Do something – an article, a press release, a video, a blog post or comment. Do it every day.

Do something every day to bring in money. Get obsessed and addicted to making money. Put your focus on making money, not TV and other non money making time wasters. Making money absolutely must become your new lifestyle.

If you truly want to be successful and make your living online it is time to sacrifice your normal time that’s dedicated to other things, and shift that time and focus to creating cash flow.

Start with where you are right now, start with the knowledge you have right now. Start with the resources and assets you have right now. Don’t wait until you know it all because you never will!

Your income is going to come from how much product/service you sell. You have to change your focus and how you use your time.

Full time marketers (or those who want to be full time marketers) focus their time and attention on “making money”… they focus on selling stuff. It’s not rocket science my friends.

Too many distributors spend their time on making changes to their website, changes that will have little effect on sales. Don’t get caught up in this. Stop worrying about making your store ‘pretty’ and trying to get everything perfect because you never will! I don’t care if you have only one product or 200 products… spend your time promoting what you have!

Focus on those things that will make you money like driving traffic to your website, building your list and selling to your list.

At the end of each day always ask yourself “What did I do today to make more money from my store?” Whether small or large always do something daily to make money. That is the reason you have your store, to make money.

If your store is to satisfy your Ego or impress others kill it right now and find a regular job!

Do whatever you can to get visitors to sign up on your list. Give your list members valuable and informative free stuff like written articles and reports, videos about your niche and videos on using your products, surveys… anything that bonds them to you. You give people FREE and valuable helpful information and they will reciprocate by giving your orders.

Your long term GOLDEN GOOSE to making you tons of money online is building a huge email/newsletter list and making them loyal followers and then SELLING to them!

Like I said, it’s not rocket science people, it’s plain and simple BUSINESS! Now go and let making money dominate your thoughts 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year!

Godspeed… CoachDoug

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Source by Doug Allan Dammeier

Views: 0

July 28, 2022
MLM Success Stories and Facebook Pages

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If you're not sharing your MLM success stories to your Facebook pages by now, you're missing out on lost opportunities. Your success can inspire prospects and help them take action. Facebook is another tool to connect with your prospects and help them learn more about you and your business. It is not the perfect tool, but one that should not be ignored by MLM businesses. While there is competition there, just like anywhere else, the effort and time you devote to your social pages can pay off in the long run.

Sharing Your MLM Success Stories to Facebook

Facebook pages is a great ground to share your MLM success stories. There are a couple of options to present them to your audience. One way is through text, graphics, images, audio and even video. You can use a combination to help reach further into the world of Facebook. Don't feel limited to one content format. Some people respond better to videos and some to graphics and text. A blend can help you achieve better results as you post your content. Watch for interaction from your audience and adjust your plan of action. If you feel like images and text are working better than videos, then switch to that format.

A consistent schedule is important for social media, especially for pages on Facebook. Your MLM success stories should be posted on a regular schedule. This means figuring out how often you want to share your stories, what and in what format to share them in. If you're unsure on how to proceed, try once a week with no more than two stories. Now you just need to figure out the format. Once you get data back, you can make changes to the sharing plan.

Linking from your MLM success stories to critical pages

Your MLM success stories are bait to draw in prospects to your website. Make sure that you add the right link to each story. All of your content that you share should point back to your pages of one type or another. It's a free form of advertising. Many out there are not adding links and wonder why they lack traffic and success. Be careful not to add too many links either, use only one link per story that you're sharing. This will make it easier for your prospects and for you to track data from. You can change the links out later, if need be.

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Source by David L. Feinstein

Views: 0

July 28, 2022
When You're Back on the Dating Scene

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With so many relationships breaking down and such a high percentage of marriages ending in divorce it's no wonder that many of us will, at some point, end up back on the dating scene.

We may be older and wiser, a little battered and bruised, but often, once we're ready to date again, thinking about rejoining the fray, we'll be harboring the fantasy of meeting someone special. Back on the dating scene means being optimistic, hopeful and looking forward to finding love again.

What do we need to consider when we're back on the dating scene?

– Our previous relationship experiences may have scarred our view and made us wary of what might go wrong. We may be keen to meet someone new but are nervous of trusting again. Cynicism of others' motives and being uncertain of our own instincts after getting it wrong may be sensible forms of self-protection, but if we treat all new dates with apprehension they will quickly sense our hesitancy and lack of enthusiasm. It's not going to bode well if we're on permanent alert, suspicious of their comments, behavior or intentions.

Counseling and hypnotherapy can be a useful start to the healing process and a good way to deal with past upsets. Therapy can help us to improve our confidence, self-esteem and remedy unwanted habit patterns, so becoming more assertive in an appropriate adult way. Don't forget that most potential dates will have their own story too, with their concerns, unease and fears. Starting out, second time around, can be a cautious time for both.

– This can be a good time to do things that boost your confidence. Maybe your wardrobe, make up or grooming regime need a refresh. Small changes can make a massive difference to how you feel about yourself and often cost very little to implement. Pay attention to current affairs, popular TV and local events so that you can easily join in conversations and offer relevant opinions. Think about picking up a hobby or interest, volunteering or joining a course. Exams don't have to be a factor!

– You may have to deal with children who are not too impressed at the thought of you dating again. They may have been through the damage of the breakup, witnessed the pain of the divorce and are used to you being around, more like your old self and always there for them. The thought of a new 'mum' or 'dad' arriving on the scene may fill them with horror.

Dependant on their age and awareness of the reasons for the breakup, they may have put your ex on a pedestal, especially if he or she is seen as the victim, all alone and struggling to recover. Giving you 'permission' to starting dating again might seem like a step too far and incredibly disloyal.

Children's jealousy, resentment and emotional blackmail may need to be navigated with kind but firm determination, especially if they refuse to share you or treat any potential serious new relationship with shock or disdain. Sometimes it's advisable to keep the fact that you're dating private until you're confident that this new relationship is right for you, even if that decision remains in place for months or even years, until the children are older or more settled.

And if they do insist on overseeing your love life it's important to refuse to allow yourself to be bullied by them. Older children are often determined to live their life on their terms, but equally they must allow you to do the same.

– Ageing, older parents can sometimes start to increase their demands just as you're ready to start back on the dating scene. They may be increasingly fragile and in need of greater levels of support. There may be concerns at leaving them unattended for too long, or that you could be called away at a moments notice. It could make the notion of dating again seem like too much hassle.

But supportive friends or the services offered by many local care agencies could potentially step into the breach and provide whatever level of support is required to help ease those concerns. And mobile phones make us all easily accessible.

– Friends too can send mixed messages. Sometimes at the outset, they may display great enthusiasm about getting you back on the dating scene. They may be keen to introduce you to single friends, arrange coffees, support you as you aim to lose a little weight and update your image. But then, if you become more committed to dating reality may sink in for them. The awareness that if you become serious about someone new and how it could significantly change your close, supportive relationship may hit them hard and prompt them to revise their approach.

Become aware of them starting to discourage you or of them regularly finding fault with your new love interest. Trust your gut and pay attention to any reasonable concerns they may have, but also appreciate that other people's perception of your date will be different to yours, especially if they're coming from a long-established, cozy, familiar relationship scenario.

Have some fun, take good care of yourself and enjoy getting back on the dating scene!

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Source by Susan Leigh

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July 28, 2022