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  • How Do I Convince My Husband That I’ve Changed My Ways So He’ll Give Me A Second Chance?

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    It’s an awful feeling to be looking back on your marriage with negative hindsight. Sometimes, we don’t see things clearly enough until we’re faced with actually losing them for good. I recently heard from a wife who was experiencing this first hand. Her husband had left her after finally becoming tired of her constantly bending the truth, not treating him in a respectful way, acting irresponsibly, and taking him for granted.

    She said, in part: “I was furious with my husband when he left me. I was mad that he would give up on our marriage without giving me any warning first. But after I began to think clearly, I realized that he did give me plenty of warnings but I wasn’t always paying attention. I spent the money that he mostly earned like crazy and put us heavily into debt. I would bend the truth about my activities so I could keep on doing exactly what he wanted. He worked hard while I had the fun. If he mentioned not being happy about this to me, I’d call him a stick in the mud or asked him if he was my father. I flirted with other guys and didn’t show him the respect he deserved. He was nothing but loving, loyal, and good to me, but I didn’t fully appreciate him until now. So now I’m at the point where I fully realize my mistakes and am committed to changing my ways. I’ve gotten a better job and have stopped the spending, lying, and partying. But when I tell him this, he looks at me with doubt in his eyes and doesn’t make any further attempts to see me. If he would only give me a second chance, I could and would prove to him that our marriage could be different. Will he give me that second chance? How can I make sure that he does?” I’ll try to answer these questions below.

    Usually, In Order For Your Husband To Give You And Your Marriage A Second Chance, Several Things Need To Happen All At Once: Over time, it became pretty obvious that this wife was sincere. It has been months since her husband had left. And, during that time, she had gotten a job, adjusted her thinking and her behavior, and really embraced a new way of life that the husband had been encouraging and calling for all along.

    The wife was frustrated that she’d made all of these changes and yet, despite her repeatedly detailing her mistakes and how she had changed them, her husband still had not been receptive enough to give her another chance or to come home. In fact, he’d started talking about divorce, which was especially upsetting to her.

    This wife didn’t understand that in order for your husband to give you a second chance or to be open to a reconciliation, several things need to happen, as follows:

    1. Your husband needs to completely believe that, not only have you really and truly changed, but that you understand why you acted the way that you did and are completely remorseful for it. He needs to believe that you now see the attributes in him that you missed before so that you won’t continue to take him for granted.

    2. Your husband needs to believe that the changes that you made are lasting and that you didn’t only “change” for his benefit. Many husbands suspect that as soon as he agrees to give you another chance or comes back home, you’ll eventually get comfortable again and resort back to your old ways so that he’s having to deal with the same behaviors over and over again without any escape.

    3. Once your husband believes that you’ve made lasting realizations and changes, then he has to perceive that continuing in a relationship or marriage with you is going to be better for him (or make him more happy) than to continue to be alone. Sure, he might believe that it’s possible that you’ve changed. But sometimes, he still feels that too much negativity has happened between you to really salvage the marriage. Or, he doubts if things can ever really “be the same” again.

    Identifying And Addressing Any Doubts That Your Husband Might Have About Giving You A Second Chance. Where Is His Reluctance And His Resistance Coming From? Admittedly, I didn’t personally know either the husband or the wife in this scenario. So, I couldn’t pinpoint which of the above 3 factors was keeping the husband from believing his wife or from giving her a second chance. But, if the wife truly observed the husband’s behaviors and listened to the clues he was likely offering her, then she should be able to figure out what truly stood in her way.

    Most of the time, this is a gradual process because you have to hang in there in order to keep going long enough to over come what is usually a husband’s considerable resistance and doubt. In truth, this couple had been married for years and yet the wife’s changes had only been around for a few months. The husband likely still had his doubts that the changes were sincere or were truly going to last. And he may have also had his doubts if the two of them could be happy again after he’d walked out on her and given up on the marriage.

    The best way to address these doubts was to just continue on with what she was doing and to give the process time to work. Because with time, the husband could likely see that she truly was sincere and absolutely meant what she said. It helps if you can somehow let your husband know that you are incorporating these changes even when he’s not watching you. If a mutual friend or family member comments about the changes in you without your being present, this can help.

    Here’s one more point that I would like to make. It’s entirely possible that the husband was slowing warming to the idea that his wife could change, but that he still had his doubts that the marriage could truly be a genuinely easy or happy one. The wife admitted to me that sometimes things were tense when they were together because she was frustrated that her plan didn’t seem to be working. This was something that needed to be avoided in the future.

    It’s vitally important that your husband sees you being light hearted, fun loving, and very easy to be around. The relationship and the conversations should be light and should not feel awkward or forced. I know that this sometimes takes some doing, but if every interaction feels or reads negatively, then this will often just reinforce the husband’s belief that the marriage is too far gone to save.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0

  • How Did Don Vierra Become the World Renowned Consultant in Health Information System?

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    For those in Health Informatics, the name “Vieira” might not sound strange. Immanuel Antonius, professionally known as Don Vieira, is a successful and independent consultant who has reached horizons beyond expectations. The 32-year old Technoprenuer has ticked off projects, which most consultants still consider as a dream.While he was brought up in Namibia, his expertise and skills were never limited to the boundaries. If Namibia is his primary home, his work stations or contracted duty stations have become the secondary residence where he used to spend most of his days.

    As far as his academic background is concerned, he holds an Honors’ degree in Computer Science, Advanced diploma in Monitoring and Evaluation, certifications on Health Information Systems (HIS) and A masters’ degree in Biometrics from the University of Paris – Est créteil in France.

    Like people dream of being associated with tech giants such as Facebook or Google, he achieved the milestone of serving for similar giants in the health sector. Some of his notable associations are with World Health Organization (WHO), Centre for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), United Nations (UN), United States Agency for International Development (USAID), Clinton Health Access Initiative (CHAI), IntraHealth International, Global Fund, Population Service International (PSI), Jay Snow Inc. and the list goes on.

    Apart from his experience in healthcare informatics, language is one of those factors that contributed to his stature elevation. His understanding about seven languages, including English, Spanish, French and Portuguese, has helped him deal with people from different backgrounds.In other words, there has never been any force that stopped him from achieving his goals across the borders.

    With Ten (10) years of experience, he has built and supported several national systems such as the e-Health, Malaria, TB, PMTCT, Nutrition, VMMC and HIV- just to mention a few. He also trained more than 20,000 people including government officials, managers, nurses, doctors and technical people to bring significant changes in their methods of elevating the quality of life for the public.

    Vieira has developed strong professional relationships with several organisations in Kenya, Uganda, Mocambique, South Africa, Namibia, Angola, Germany, India, DRC, Zambia and the United States.Most of them used to admire his determination and skills for giving the best in every area.

    If he is assigned to a work, there is no force that can stop him from transforming a novice into an expert. Below are three of some of the notable milestones that gave a kick start to his career:

    1. A Discrete Choice Experiment for pharmacists- he worked with Dr. Peter Rockers, an assistant professor in the Department of Global Health at the Boston University School of Public Health, to bring visible changes in the health informatics. At the time of experiment, Dr. Peter Rockers was at Harvard Medical School.

    2. Vieira wore the big shoe when he took over the position of HIS Technical Advisor from Jim Sitzer, who went to become the Director in Public Health for the Umatilla County Health Department, Oregon in the US.

    3. During Vieira’s venture as a Technical Advisor for JSI, he developed a web-based master facility (MFL) for Namibia. It consists of a map indicating the location of all public health facilities in the country.The list aims to assist public locate services provided by the nearest health facilities, on the other hand, it also aims to guide the ministry of health in planning and equity in resource allocation and distribution. The MFL was built based on WHO guidelines

    Due to internet connectivity issues in most rural áreas, the Health Extension Workers were forced to use paper registers to collect patients’ information. This led to poor data quality since paper would torn or get lost. With an urge to find an appropriate solution, he created a mobile app that has the capability to store data without internet connectivity.

    Over the past few years, Vieira has won few accolades and gained international recognition for his consultancy expertise.His efforts have also managed to attract new audiences including influential decision makers from government authorities to NGOs. His passion for innovation and Technopreneurshipis what that has always made him different from others.

    For his next project, he promised to create what most government bodies and NGOs have failed to implement- “The Situation Room” that will bring new changes to the health sector.

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    Source by Anusha Saeed

    Views: 0

  • Chicken Soup – Does It Heal?

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    They say chicken soup is good for the soul, but what about the body?

    Let’s take a look at chicken soup as a medicinal remedy for the common cold. Was Grandma right, if you eat chicken soup when you’re fighting the common cold, will it help?

    The chicken soup folklore has been around as long as people have, handed down generation to generation, along with the favorite chicken soup family recipe. The medicinal claims have never been proven, but from the time of the ancient Greeks, it has been used religiously to lessen the affects of a cold or the flu.

    The ingredients in chicken soup include chicken of course, carrots, celery, water or broth and spices, always including garlic. The soup is served steaming hot, which is where I believe one of the medicinal claims stems from. Let’s face it; whenever you’re feeling stuffy, drinking anything that is steaming hot helps to open up the sinuses, which immediately helps you to breathe better, thus you begin to feel better.

    If we take a closer look at the ingredients of chicken soup, one in particular stands out for its antioxidant benefits. Garlic is considered by herbalists to be one of the most useful herbs for medicinal purposes. Many cultures have used garlic for centuries in medicines, as it is a known antioxidant, used to treat many respiratory ailments including hoarseness, coughs and the common cold. The main compound in garlic, allistatin has antibiotic qualities used in some cultures to treat whopping cough, flu and other viral and bacterial diseases.

    Anyway you look at it, a steaming bowl of hot chicken soup when you’re feeling under the weather can’t hurt, and if you add garlic to your recipe, it may help.

    The recipes below should be individualized, use the ingredients that you and your family like, don’t like carrots? Use turnips instead. If your family is partial to peas, add peas. Use rice instead of pasta, whatever suits your taste. Just be sure to add the garlic, as stated above, its medicinal attributes make it a great addition to any soup.

    Basic Soup Recipe

    Chicken broth

    1 3 lb chicken, 3 quarts of water

    3 large Carrots

    3 stalks of Celery

    Onion Salt and pepper to taste 1 bay leaf Fresh chopped basil.

    Put all the ingredients in a large stock pot and simmer for 3 hours, skimming the surface often. Remove the chicken, remove meat from the bones, and put aside. Discard vegetables, and chill broth. After broth as chilled for a while, remove fat from the top. You are now ready to use broth in your soup.

    chicken soup

    2 cups chopped cooked chicken

    8 cups chicken broth

    Salt and pepper to taste

    Carrots, chopped

    Celery, coarsely chopped

    Diced garlic to taste

    Any small pasta

    Simmer until carrots and celery are soft and pasta is cooked, about 10 minutes. Serve hot.

    http://www.coolstuffforthekitchen.com

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    Source by Julie E Lewis

    Views: 0

  • The Stark Difference Between Affiliate Marketing and MLM Marketing

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    If you had the time, would you work in the Network Marketing Industry?

    That’s the one question I like to ask people when they talk with me about needing to earn more money. And depending upon their answer, I like to follow-up by asking, do you know the difference between Affiliate Marketing and MLM Marketing?

    My experience is that they don’t understand the difference between the two business models. And these business models are very different. If people understood the difference. there would be more success and a lot less failure. ‘

    Affiliate Marketing is more like working as a sales representative. You have a position with a business and your job is to promote the product or service and close the sale. A good affiliate marketer is someone who likes to copy, paste, and post ads.

    The MLM business model is much different. It takes real entrepreneurship to become successful. This is not a business model that one can copy, paste, and post and expect any kind of success. MLM or Relationship Marketing as it’s commonly called these days takes a lot of work.

    Listed below are a few of the requirements and skills needed to grow a successful MLM Business.

    First you must be willing to be trained. Each MLM Company has its own policies and procedures manual and no two are exactly alike. So before even beginning your business read over these documents very carefully.

    Second you want to learn as much about the product as possible. You do not want to make the mistake of not knowing the benefits of your products and how they can add value your prospective consumer.

    Third you want to contact your up-line sponsor or if they aren’t available or are new to the business, then find a team leader. You need someone with knowledge to guide and direct you. But more importantly you need to want to learn.

    The criteria for any business regardless if that business operates totally as an off-line business, or an on-line business or as both, you want to know how to recruit people to grow a down-line team.

    MLM business models thrive on growing a good solid down-line. And the down-line must be taught that unless the product sells, then there is no volume.

    In most MLM business models, the down-line volume bonus is where the residual money is being made. So, product sales as well as recruiting new members are absolutely the fuels needed to drive the MLM business model engine.

    I like to think of it this way, the sale of the product is the gasoline for the engine and the recruiting of members is the oil that lubricates the engine and keeps it running smooth.

    If you are interested in working on-line, take the time to study the difference between the two business models, before you take the leap of faith to join. It can mean the difference between success and failure.

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    Source by Patricia A Gaines

    Views: 0

  • Poor Man Rich Soul – How to Enjoy the Richness of the Mind

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    If you are poor nonetheless, it does not matter if you know how to keep a mind full of richness. Trees do not have any bank accounts, credit cards, fancy cars or villas, do they? What they have are branches and leaves as well as that good soil to keep them growing. It would not matter if fall strips them bare for a few months, because they would survive again after that. It is great if we can learn this; that abundance did not spring from nothing and that keeping along matters a lot. Have not all trees started from a single seed? And it even requires courage, endurance and patience to keep growing. So here are some tips to bring forth that richness of the mind.

    Try Unit Spending
    When you find yourself not able to spend on many things or when you are constantly living on a budget, there is a way around it! What that means is for you to train your mentality to spend in an acceptable range based on your financial capacity. For example, if you are a person capable of spending in amount bearing up to thousands, then by all means spend one to two units less. That means, when you start spending in amounts of tens or hundreds, suddenly you find yourself capable of buying a lot more stuff! On the other hand, if you are person capable of spending in amount bearing up to hundreds, then by all means spend again one to two units less. That means spend in amounts of tens and below tens! You will find yourself a lot happier when you realize that there are still so many things out there that you can buy!

    If one of the keys to happiness is ultimate buying power, make it one that happens in relation to quantity instead of quality. At times when quality matters more, you can either realign a portion of your savings and go for the best options available or delay the purchase until the time and cost of the product falls at its optimal state. Consider buying in relation to quality only when necessary. After all market places deserve its fair chance of customer share. Certainly there are products that you could compromise easily on its quality, just be sure not to compromise those that should not be done so.

    Be a Good Person
    If you are usually a good person, chances are you can become popular among your friends and family. That notion itself is self reassuring. Less fear embedded in your mind as you already know, there are people willing to lend a helping hand still. Make sure you are a good person that has real, decent friends and that you have done your part when times are good. Say the down time is heavy, then what you should do is share those worries with your friends and family. Deeper bonded friendships will warm hearts and keep us going still. Bad times can also be perceived as an opening for new opportunities at bay. Work hand in hand and fight together to alleviate all sorrows due to poverty. Let all pass with good hope and constructive activities.

    A year older and a year wiser! Never outgrow this mentality. Learn and be wiser everyday. Find ways to manage problems or formulate strategies to overcome them slowly. Plant yourself to become one strong and healthy tree.

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    Source by Karen Chai

    Views: 0

  • How to Make Money Online: A Beginners Guide to Earn From Home

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    How To Make Money Online

    Making money online is NOT EASY at all. But it’s NOT THAT DIFFICULT too, if you are following a proper path. Without these following three things making money online will always remain a dream for you:-

    • Hard work
    • Perseverance
    • Patience

    If you think you have got the above mentioned three things, then let’s jump right into the topic.

    Below are some of the most authentic and legit ways to make money online

    Freelancing

    What is Freelancing?

    If you are into making money online, you must have heard the term Freelancing. But what does it really mean? Freelancing means working on a contract basis rather than on a regular basis for a company or organization and getting paid for hour of work, days of work or per project.

    YouTube

    Now a day You-tube is booming like anything. More and more people are coming to YouTube to find a solution to their problem, to learn something new and to entertain themselves. With this increasing popularity YouTube is also becoming a money making machine for content creators. Yes! In case you don’t know you can earn a decent amount of money by creating YouTube videos. Although YouTube videos don’t pay by themselves, you can make money by placing Google AdSense ads on your videos (of course there are other ways to make money on YouTube but for now we will stick to Google AdSense). The more views and clicks your ads get the more money you will make.

    Blogging

    Blogging basically means writing posts on any niches on the internet, which are updated frequently. You can write on different niches which include but not limited to personal journals, News, Technology, Health and Fitness, Gaming, Parenting or any other topic you are interested in.

    Affiliate Marketing

    These days almost every product is available online, whether it is as small as a needle or as big as a car, everything is available online. And people are inclining more and more towards buying products from online stores may be because of the easy accessibility of products and convenient home delivery system.

    These online stores need to advertise their products in some way and affiliate marketing is one of the many ways they promote their products. So affiliate marketing is a form of advertisement in which the affiliate (in this case you) promotes the products from different online store in his/her blog or website through a unique link (generally referred as affiliate link). The affiliate gets a commission when someone buys a product through that link then (generally some percentage of the price of the purchased product).

    Almost every big online store has an affiliate program which you can join to promote their products in your website and get a commission in return if someone buys from your affiliate link.

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    Source by Manas Ranjan Meher

    Views: 0

  • Understanding WineShop At Home: Can You Really Make Money With WineShop At Home?

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    WineShop At Home began in 1995 and offers a large variety of wine and wine related products in addition to a business or income opportunity for those that would like to make an income stream marketing their company or products. However, can you really make money with WineShop? To answer this question, we will take a look at their compensation plan. I will also explain the products and give specific explanations of a few of them while also going over the cost it’s going to take to actually join the company itself and start making money all from home, if possible.

    The Thing:

    You guessed it, wine! Other than wine, they also offered wine related products and gifts. Categories of items offered by WineShop At Home are Wine Related Accessories, Gifts, Specials, Stemware, Personalized Wines, and of course, Wines. I will give a brief explanation of a few of the products offered by the company below.

    1. Adagio 2014 Sonoma Country Pinot Gris – You can get a bottle of this wine for $24.00 and flavors in the bottle consist of Mango, Pineapple, Grapefruit, Meyer Lemon, and Bergamot.
    2. Wine Country Chefs Apron – This apron is also $24.00 and is listed in the gift category. It comes in black and with the WineShop At Home Logo in addition to the slogan “Bringing The Wine Country To You” printed on the front.
    3. Artisan 5 Star “Sparkler Stem” – This is a set of 4 and cost $69.95 and is in the Stemware category. It is designed to develop persistent bubbles and forms a crown at the surface.

    The Opportunity:

    If you become involved with this company, you will be given the title “Wine Consultant”. Now is time for the big question! Can you really make money with WineShop At Home? In order to answer this, as mentioned before, we must take a look at their compensation plan. For this company, their compensation plan is pretty basic so let’s go ahead and get the ball rolling.

    1. Personal Commissions – As a wine consultant you will be able to earn a Base Commission of 20% and will be eligible to earn bonuses up to 35%.
    2. Team Commissions – As for most network marketing companies, you can build a team to leverage even more income. You can earn up to 44% commission from your teams generated sales and will be eligible to earn cash bonuses up to $3,500.

    To Conclude, Yes, You Can Make Money With WineShop At Home!

    The Cost:

    Yes, there is a cost! It’s important to remember, if you get involved or affiliated with this company you are opening up your own business! All businesses require some type of start-up fee. However, in the industry of Network Marketing, Affiliated Marketing, Multi-Level Marketing, or whichever name you decide you enjoy more, it is generally much more affordable than starting a traditional company in which can range from $5,000 to $10,000 easily.

    If you want to get involved with WineShop At Home, you must purchase one of the three kits offered!

    1. Mini Kit – $79.00. This kit includes a Wine Tasting Guide, Wine Tasting Training DVD, WineShop At Home Corkscrew, 3 Posi-Pours, 5 Host Planners, 10 Interest Forms, 5 Host A Wine Tasting Brochures, and a Guest Wine Tasting Tablet.
    2. Starter Kit – $149.00. This kit includes a WineShop At Home Logo Messenger Bag, 2 Bottles of Wine Club Select, A Wine Tasting Guide, A Wine Tasting Training DVD, WineShop At Home Corkscrew, 10 Order Boards, 3 Posi-Pours, 10 Interest Forms, 5 Host Planners, 5 Opportunity Brochures, and a Guest Wine Tasting Tablet.
    3. Premium Kit – $299.00. This kit includes an Insulated 6-bottle Wine Carrier Bag, A Launch Tasting Sampler, 4 Bottles of Wine Club Elite, Personalized Wine Sampler, WineShop At Home Apron, Wine Tasting Guide, Wine Tasting Training DVD, WineShop At Home Corkscrew, Wine Away, 15 Order Boards, 6 Posi-Pours, 20 Interest Forms, 10 Host Planners, Host Postcard Invitations, 10 Opportunity Brochures, and a Guest Wine Tasting Table.

    Final Thoughts:

    I’m not a big drinker. Matter of fact, I don’t drink expect maybe once a year. However, I would still consider marketing their products just for fun. I know a ton of people enjoy drinking, alcohol, and more specifically, wine! Therefore, I believe this company has a Massive Market! A massive market is very important to look for before joining any company like this and if it doesn’t have a massive market you will likely become frustrated before making any actual money!

    The opportunity affiliated with the company is honestly pretty weak. They only offer two different payouts. I was unable to find any referral bonuses, any leadership bonuses, any Match-Up Bonuses, etc. This company started in 1995 and it doesn’t seem they have expanded their compensation plan very much which is a problem. I like companies and feel secure and motivated about companies that constantly expand. This does not seem like a constantly expanding company, at least in terms of their compensation plan. You can definitely make money with WineShop At Home but how much depends solely on two different payout systems.

    The cost is nice. I like the fact that they have 3 different ways to begin. The price can be either expensive or inexpensive depending on your budget and what kind of business builder you are. In comparison, a traditional company has a much higher start-up fee regardless of which kit you choose from WineShop At Home. Additionally, in terms of Network Marketing the cost is also quite affordable and you are able to get a good amount of items with each kit.

    *Dustin Hale is NOT affiliated with WineShop At Home or their business/income opportunity

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    Source by Dustin Hale

    Views: 0

  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

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    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

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    Source by Mandy Peterson

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  • Is MLM Dead? Top 5 Reasons Multi-Level Marketing is on Its Way Out!

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    What a simple question to answer. Right? Not a chance. How in the world can a sixty year old business model shrivel up and disappear? The truth of the matter is that Multi-Level Marketing or MLM has its place in society. The problem is, this model is totally antiquainted and just doesn’t deliver as promised. At the beginning, MLM was revolutionary and literally changed the face of business. Due to technology advances and computerization, the limitations that come along with the MLM structure and associated compensation plans, have MLM’s days numbered.

    What does this mean for the companies that have built there businesses around MLM? For now, it means that the the business consultants that are earning a substantial income will continue earning, less and less as their downlines shrink and are not replenished due to more sophisticated and much more lucrative comp plans. This has already begun and will pick up momentum as people get educated about the alternatives.

    So what are the limitations that have MLM begging for mercy? Lets look at the top five reasons that the extinction of Multi-Level Marketing is inevitable.

    1) Expiring Volume- Before computers, all sales had to be calculated and tracked by humans, which means that mistakes and errors occurred. The longer the errors were carried over, the more of an impact they would have as they compounded. This is the reason that volume expires at the end of every month and the counters start at zero again. Obviously computers have been available for at least 20 years, so why do these companies continue to have expiring volume? a better question is, why do new companies continue to use models that have expiring volume? The answer is that companies that predate personal computers can’t change without shortchanging their highest paid affiliates and newer companies that have volume that expires every month should never have started doing things this way. Either way, it makes it very difficult for average people to succeed this way.

    2) Horizontal Growth- In many cases the strategy that is employed is to start a new line of distribution with every business partner a leader “signs up”. In other words, you are creating a competitor out of all of your personally sponsored partners. Now they are not a competitor of yours of course but they are all competitors of each other and that creates a few problems. It is very difficult for most people to manage many organizations(most MLM’s suggest 6-15 or more organizations). It creates a sense of competition rather than team synergy. It separates people who should be in the same organizations one another.(family members, friends or co-workers). Lastly and probably most importantly, it splits the sales volume up between all of the “legs” which makes it much more difficult for your teammates to earn money.

    3) Organization built in “levels”- The major limitation of organizations built in levels is that no matter what happens or which business partners thrive, the leader is only able to get credit for so many levels of growth. What this means is that if and when any “leg” grows below the level in which the leader is given credit, there is a much less motivation of the leader to train that leg in depth. The biggest problem however is that often times it takes people leading to people leading to people in order for a new leader to emerge. I that process happens at a level below what the MLM’s compensation plan will pay on, the leader is just plain out of luck. Wow, imagine working day after day, week after week and month after month training a leg or team. The training pays off, growth happens and it is very exciting. As is supposed to occur, people lead to people and a superstar is brought into the team. It just so happens that the superstar is one level below what you are paid on and your just out of luck. THAT SU__KS!!!!!!!!

    4) Commission structured in percentages- All the limitations with levels discussed above are still an issue. The problems are compounded when the commissions or payments are calculated using percentages based on levels. As the level increases the percentage paid generally decreases. This reinforces the competition of teams and teammates and also puts the leader in the position where recruiting must continue in order to get large pay increases. If the leaders are concentrating on prospecting and recruiting new partners for themselves, how much time do they have for educating their downline? Not much and even if there was the time, how much motivation does a leader have to train partners that he is paid very small percentages on.

    5) Sign up game- Because of the structure of MLM’s and the philosophy of business plans, most of the emphasis is put on recruiting new partners and not on moving products or services to the end consumer. This limits the amount of volume that each partner produces. The focus of Multi-Level Marketing is to get anyone who can fog a mirror “signed up” and worry about whether they are qualified later. This aids in the high level of attrition and fallout that occurs in MLM. Attrition is is the other major factor that leads to limited commissions and the discouragement that is so common when talking with ex Multi-Level Marketers.

    The forgone conclusion with most MLM companies compensation plans is that because of the limitations noted above, expiring volume, horizontal growth, building in levels, paying in percentages and the sign up game mentality, they are just not designed for the “average” person to succeed. The business models are designed around what the company wants or expects from their distributors and not what can realistically be expected.

    At the end of the day, the vast Majority of people (approx 95-98%) that start a Multi-Level Marketing business never make a penny. Sure, they may earn a few two digit or three digit checks but for most it never amounts to even close to what has been invested. Thankfully we are not stuck in the 50’s or 60’s and there are new and improved compensation systems that do away with all of the drawbacks of MLM and truly give ordinary people who have some level of motivation and determination a real opportunity to set themselves free.

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    Source by Chris Olejniczak

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  • 3 Obscure APA Writing Style Rules You Should Know

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    Many students are required to submit essays, research papers, and other assignments written in APA writing style. Academic papers written in APA style of writing should strictly follow APA guidelines even those obscure ones to score good grades. Using APA Writing style requires more than just the form of references and citations. Some complex requirements may be unknown for those who are not familiar with APA writing style or have some experience using this style when preparing their academic papers. Below are the three obscure APA rules you should know:

    Prefixes in APA Writing Style

    A big part of using APA writing style is the proper use of prefixes. It is common to use hyphens after prefixes in casual English. However, this is against APA style of Writing. Words such as underdevelopment, hypertext, underscore should not be hyphenated when writing an academic paper using APA style of writing. There are certain circumstances that you will be allowed to use prefixes when writing an academic paper using APA style. When using the prefix self-, you should always add prefixes for example self-esteem, self-employment among others. On the same note, you are allowed to use a hyphen when the word after the prefix is a proper noun or number.

    Anthropomorphism in APA style of writing

    Anthropomorphism refers to a situation where a writer ascribes human traits or action to non-living things. Anthropomorphism is commonly used in all levels of study when writing an academic paper. Many tutors, professors, or reviewers may not bother to mention it; however, it should be avoided when writing an academic paper. Examples of most commonly used anthropomorphism include “This article examines… ” or “This paper discusses… ” Be as it may, it is not technically possible for a paper to discuss anything. Therefore, the best alternative is to say “The researcher discussed… ” or “… is discussed in this paper.”

    Numbers in APA Writing Style

    Many students and scholars are confused by the use of numbers when writing documents using APA style. Many students and scholars are familiar with numbering rules in APA style, but they end up misusing them. It is important to note that you should spell out numbers between one through ten when you include in a paper formatted in APA style of writing. For example, you should not write ” It took 7 years for me to understand how to cite a paper using APA.” Instead, write, “It took seven years for me to understand how to cite a paper using APA.”

    Tips for proper formatting and editing a document using APA

    It is important to obtain a copy of APA writing style guidelines and review it thoroughly before writing an academic writing paper. You obtain them from popular websites such as Purdue OWL and reputable universities writing centers. You can also get help from professional writers and editors that can help you format your academic paper or book in APA style of writing.

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    Source by Johny Evans

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