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Tag: Behaviour

  • Dousing the Flames of Marital Conflict

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    Conflicts in marriage are endemic. Because this is a union of two distinct individuals each with his or her own likes, dislikes, prejudices and pet peeves, conflicts are built into the marriage packet. As the famous evangelist Billy Graham once said, “For a married couple to expect perfection in each other is unrealistic. The unblemished ideal exists only in ‘happily-ever-after’ fairy tales. ‘Happily incompatible’ is a good adjustment.”

    No human relationship can exist in a permanent state of happiness, and conflicts need not be viewed as a sign of instability or impending rupture of marriage. Couples need to master the art of quarreling constructively and resolving all conflicts positively. A mature approach will increase understanding and trust, and strengthen their relationship. However this depends on their level of commitment to each other.

    Areas of conflict:

    o Finance: In this consumer-oriented society of today, money or the lack of it can lead to conflict. Spouses have different spending habits. Overspending or unnecessary spending by one partner can upset the family budget, leaving less money for essentials. Entertainment, alcohol, consumer goods can eat into one’s pocket. Similarly miserliness will also trigger conflict.

    o When the needs, wants and desires of one partner are not met, there is a tendency to be irritable or argumentative over trifles.

    o Domination: When one partner is excluded from the decisions that affect them both, friction is bound to arise. Similarly, procrastination by one partner on issues that need urgent decisions can be annoying.

    o In-laws: Too much interference or over dependence of in-laws can become a bone of contention. Unfair references and comparisons lead to quarrels.

    o Children: Different styles of parenting or lack of proper parenting skills can result in heated arguments.

    o Sex: Husbands and wives have exclusive conjugal rights over their partners. Depriving a spouse of normal sexual activity creates tension in the relationship.

    o Working wives: Some women with high tech jobs may not have quality time to spend with husband and children. Stress, fatigue or overwork can sap them of strength and put them in an irritable frame of mind.

    o Habits: Drinking, smoking, gambling or drug taking are frequent causes of conflict.

    o Social activities. Time consuming parties or games leave very little time to spend with each other.

    o Physical and emotional abuse.

    o Self-centeredness.

    o Secrecy: Keeping important secrets from each other is a breach of trust.

    o Infidelity.

    The mark of a good marriage is not the absence of conflict, but how each partner deals with the problem. Conflict is like an ember with the potential to spark into a flame, and if not doused in time, can blaze into a conflagration. The foremost thing to remember is that it is not a battle between enemies. It is just a disagreement between spouses who have promised to love and cherish each other till the end of their lives.

    “Many marriages would be better if both husband and wife realize that they are on the same side,” says Zig Ziglar.

    The aim must be to diffuse the situation by proper resolution, so that it does not crop up again and again.

    There are two options available.

    1.The Negative Approach which will generate hostility.

    2.The Positive Approach which will make the bonds of marriage stronger.

    Negative Approach:

    – One partner personalizes the problem and treats it as an attack. Women are more prone to this approach. They withdraw into themselves and wallow in self pity. Withdrawal may be physical, sexual or emotional. Breach of communication follows. This is a dangerous trend. A trivial problem festers in the mind until it assumes gigantic proportions.

    – Angry reactions like yelling, crying, abuse, sarcasm, insults or even violence are disastrous. The idea obviously is to hurt the other person while defending one’s self in the blame game.

    As Broderick said, “Couples who vent their anger and do nothing to get at its cause and cure are committing marital suicide.”

    Positive Approach:

    1. Couples should never communicate when angry. They should first think things over calmly by themselves and then discuss the issue. Privacy is important. Discussions should not take place in the presence of their children or relatives, but in a quiet place where there will be no interruptions. They must bear in mind at all times that they are allies and not adversaries. There must be eye contact throughout the discussion. Respect for each other’s feelings is important. So the tone of voice and body language must be appropriate. Listening carefully to the other’s point of view is showing respect. Questions and clarifications are in order. It is also a time to share one’s genuine hurts and frustrations. Generalizations like ‘You always find fault’ or ‘You never listen’ are not helpful.

    2. The core issue must be tackled. It is important to define and discuss only the problem that started the conflict. Is the problem repetitive? Is there a recurring pattern? If so, why has the problem not been resolved before? There should be no deviation into unrelated issues. Old problems must not be dredged up and recycled to score a point.

    3. Finance can be a contentious subject. Bad financial habits must be mended. Budgeting one’s income is important. If expenses go beyond the budgeted amount, there should be a discussion on how best to make good the deficit. Honest conversations about purchases, savings and overspending will help. It might require lowering one’s standard of living or finding other ways of income generation.

    4. Sex is an important aspect of marriage. Withholding sex by one partner as a means of punishing the other, is hurtful. Sex enhances intimacy and reconciliation.

    5. Spouses must take responsibility for their contribution to the problem. They should be willing to change their behaviour if necessary. Owning up faults and admitting their weaknesses will diffuse tension. Sometimes it may even be necessary to give into the partner’s wishes, even though not fully agreeable. It is important to focus on what is right and not on who is right. Compromise is by no means weakness. It reflects strength and helps resolve the problem permanently.

    6. Forgiveness is the most important salve that will heal the hurt of conflict. Couples should be generous in forgiving each other’s faults. It may not be easy, but it is always better to get it over with and move on.

    Conflicts in marriage are inevitable. Fault finding and negativity can destroy and tear apart relationships. ‘Let not the sun go down upon your wrath,’ advises Scripture. With proper communication, tolerance and commitment, most conflicts can be resolved.

    As Alexander Perry said, “The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but to hold hands.”

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    Source by Eva Bell

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  • Pranic Psychotherapy Release From Addictions or Compulsive Behaviour

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    I start by defining ‘ MCKS pranic psychotherapy’. It is a method which is based on pranic healing techniques of scanning, cleansing, energizing, shielding, and releasing. These techniques are based on the principles of transmissibility of energy from practitioner to client, on receptivity of client to receiving the healing prana, and on the shielding of the chakras and aura from penetration by negative thought entities and elementals.

    Elementals are energy beings which are composed of thought entities that feed on intense emotions of anger, fear, grief, or hatred. A thought entity is an idea which has attached to it a strong emotion which gives it substance in the energy field. This entity resides in the aura, in the mental field, and can penetrate through chakras when the webs are cracked, torn, or damaged. These webs can be repaired and sealed with gold pranic light energy which the practitioner intends and transmits through their hand chakra or crystal wand.

    The power of intention moving energy is at the core of the basis for pranic healing being effective.

    Crystal wands are used by the practitioner of pranic psychotherapy to accelerate the intensity of energy which can be transmitted to the client and reduces considerably the absorption of negative energies involved in the healing process which may be attracted to stick to the hands and arms of the practitioner which is manipulating the energy during the healing process. This absorption of negative energy on the arms and hands of the pranic practitioner is greater when a crystal is not used. This requires the practitioner’s use of an alcohol spray with certain essential oils to dissipate any negative energies which may be adhered to the hands and arms while cleansing.

    Depression, anxiety, and addictions can be consequences of suffering trauma or injury whether physically, emotionally, mentally or spiritually. These injuring consequences leave wounds upon the recipient and are often accompanied by recurring thoughts, emotions, and when severe, hallucinations, which inflict suffering and despair. These consequences can also be paralyzing and prevent the client from taking action to be gainfully employed, to maximize one’s life potential, and to be socially active and productive financially, and to be successfully engaged in relationships at all levels.

    The grace of pranic psychotherapy is in its ability to remove these negative energies which accompany trauma, injury, or accidents. The psychic shielding is also a necessary feature of this treatment to ensure that these negative energies don’t return to inflict emotional and mental pain. There is often the need for subsequent repeat treatments to fully and completely remove all negative energies and elementals which are causing the recurring thoughts, emotions, and patterns.

    The sealing, repairing, and strengthening of the chakral webs further ensures the healing of the etheric body and preventing elementals and negative thought entities penetrating the chakras and affecting the emotional and mental body of the client.

    Master Choa Kok Sui has created this protocol which is administered through certified associate pranic healers, like myself, who have been trained in pranic psythotherapy and have documented successes with treating clients with the above mentioned wounds.

    So far I’ve only mentioned how pranic psychotherapy can be useful to treat injuries from trauma resulting in anxiety, depression, and/or motivational paralysis.

    Another important treatment feature of this pranic psychotherapy technique is to treat individuals suffering from addictive tendencies and obsessive compulsive tendencies.

    The same principles apply wherein the negative thought and emotional entities are creating audio and/or video tapes of incidents of trauma or woundedness which are repeated and which induce a continuous pattern of destructive repeated behaviours which become addictions or obsessive compulsive patterns of behaviour.

    Pranic Psychotherapy can be useful treatment technique for addiction to smoking, alcohol or drugs, and other repetitive negative behaviours which are destructive, self-harming, or self-limiting.

    These treatments have been successful in reducing and eliminating panic attacks which clients have experienced in social contexts. The triggers which bring on these panic attacks have been identified and the removal of the anxiety energies around the aura and chakras has prevented triggering of panic attacks in future situations.

    The shielding of the chakras and aura are also a necessary ingredient of this healing technique to protect the client from persistent and recurring thoughts and emotions which are symptomatic.

    The element of openness and receptivity must be mentioned as being an essential aspect of the healing process. The presence of these elements is necessary to obtain a successful outcome.

    There are also other reasons why people don’t heal. Carolyn Myss makes mention in her book: “Why People Don’t Heal”. In her book she makes mention of the karmic reason for people not healing from a particular wound. In summary the reasons may be that this person has lessons to learn in this incarnation and that this soul needs to go through this trial or tribulation to learn a particular lesson. Past life negative karma catches up with us, if not resolved, and requires it being worked out, perhaps in this incarnation. That’s why inner reflection and firm resolutions are necessary to heal whatever remains of past life karmas which have been destructive to self or others.

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    Source by Roger Fontaine

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  • Relationships: Can Someone Be Emotionally Unavailable Even Though They’re In A Relationship?

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    It would be easy to believe that the people who are emotionally unavailable are single and the ones who aren’t are in a relationship. Or, if someone is emotionally available and single, it could just show that they are taking a break after going through a breakup, for instance.

    This is then typically going to be something that is very black and white. However, while it may seem as though this is the case, this outlook would have very little to do with how things actually are.

    An Illusion

    In the same way that someone who appears to be happy can be deeply unhappy on the inside; someone can be in a relationship but it doesn’t mean that they are truly in one. Still, from the outside it may appear as though they are in an intimate relationship.

    In fact, other people could often wonder what it would be like for them to be in a relationship like this. These people are then going to believe that this person has this area of their life handled, and are going to want to experience the same thing.

    Both Ways

    Furthermore, someone like this could also believe that they are in an intimate relationship. So, every part of their being is not going to be involved, but they will still see themselves as someone who is in a relationship.

    They are then going to share their mind and their body with their partner, yet the emotional part of their being won’t be fully on a board. This doesn’t mean that they won’t feel things, though.

    Absent

    Their body will then be with their partner, but their mind and heart can spend a lot of time being somewhere else; that is unless their heart has simply retracted. Now, this is not going to be the same as having distractions at work; it will mean that one will generally find it hard to be fully present with their partner.

    If their partner doesn’t have trouble being present, they might be able to sense that one is rarely, if ever, present. They might not be able to understand what is going on, but they will find it hard to deeply connect with them.

    The Clearest Sign

    If this is how someone is most of the time, it will be pretty clear that they are emotionally unavailable. Their partner shouldn’t need any more information in order to realise that something isn’t right.

    Nonetheless, if they are also emotionally unavailable, it might take a while for them to become aware of this. And even if this was to take place, if they are not aware of what is going on for them and the part that they will have played in being drawn to someone like this, they could end up feeling like a victim and blaming their partner.

    It’s not random

    What this comes down to is that they wouldn’t have randomly ended up with this person. This is not to say that they consciously chose to end up with them; it will have most likely been something that took place unconsciously.

    One way of looking at this would be to say that they were drawn to this person so that they could resolve their inner wounds and grow in the process. The only way this will happen is if they are aware of what is going on and don’t get caught up in their inner wounds.

    Back To the Main Point

    If someone is rarely present it will be clear that something is not right, and there can be other things that also reveal that they are not ready have an intimate relationship. Through having a weak connection with their emotions, it will probably be rare for them to relate to their partner on a deeper level.

    This can then cause the relationship to be very superficial and, thus, to lack the depth that is needed to enable a deeper connection to develop. As a result of this, the relationship might not progress.

    Avoiding Conflict

    Once the initial spark has died out and sexual side has settled down, there might not be a lot to hold the relationship together. But if their partner was to talk about how this, one could dismiss what they say.

    Another thing that they could do is to walk away if something like this is brought up, which will show that they are not willing to go there. This will be a further sign that they are only looking to get their feet wet, so to speak.

    An Obvious One

    If one was to continually talk about their ex, and even spent a fair amount of time with them, it is likely to show that something right. Their body could be in their present relationship but their heart could still be attached to their ex.

    It could go even further than this and one might actually still be sharing their body with their ex. If they are cheating on their partner, this will be another sign that they are not ready to commit.

    Awareness

    Obviously, the only way that someone can change their behaviour is they are aware of what is going on and have the desire to change. With this in mind, if one is in a relationship with someone who is not emotionally unavailable and they are not willing to do anything about it, it might be in their best interest to walk away.

    ​

    If they are used to attracting people like this, it will be a good idea for them to take a deeper look into what is going on for them at a deeper level. The assistance of a therapist or a healer may be needed here.

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    Source by Oliver JR Cooper

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  • How Smoking (Drug Abuse) and Drinking (Alcohol) Affects Your Academic Performance

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    One day, Barack’s mother, Ann Dunham marched into his room, wanting to know the details of Pablo’s arrest. “Don’t you think you are a little casual about your future?” she asked. “What do you mean? he responded. “Bar, you know exactly what I mean. Your friend Pablo was just arrested for drug possession, and your grades are slipping. You haven’t even started on your college application.”

    Barack Obama was a serious and brilliant student before he gained admission into Punahou School, Honolulu. In this school, he joined the “Choom gang”. It was a self-named gang that spent time together drinking alcohol, smoking marijuana and sniffing cocaine. Drugs made the choom gang popular in school. His relationship with the choom gang prospered, but his academics suffered. Drugs and alcohol made him lose focus. All he thought about was how to get high. He and his friends Ray, Pablo, Mark and others exhausted their time devising simply ways of doing drugs, which include total absorption (TA), the antithesis and the choomwagon. Reading was difficult because he was always high and confused. Indeed, he was heading towards becoming a junkie.

    His performance in school was a mess. Barack’s mother was right. His grades were going down every term. He was not even bothered about admission to college. All he thought was drugs because it was part of him. Truly, his friend Pablo was arrested by the police for drug possession.

    When pressure from his mum and his poor performance became unbearable, he thought about not going to college. Nevertheless, Barack’s mother kept encouraging him. She always told him that he could get into any school in the country if he just put in a little effort. Within him, he knew that the “effort” he needed was to quit drugs.

    He managed to graduate without mishap and was admitted into Occidental College in Los Angeles. Even without the choom gang around, Barack continued his drug escapade. To continue his education, Barack was transferred to Columbia University, New York.

    In New York, he decided to stop getting high. For the first time in years, Barack applied himself to his studies. He regained his love and strength for reading. Reading and understanding became easy because he was focused and at alert always. Barack began to trace out his future. It became clear that he had been wasting his precious time on drugs. He attended class regularly and soon graduated with good grades.

    “Using drugs and alcohol was a seriously misguided mistake. It was my greatest moral failure that could have destroyed my future. Maybe if I had not stopped doing drugs, I might have dropped out of school and wouldn’t have become the 44th President of the United States”, he once said.

    Lesson

    Drug and alcohol use on campus is universal. Students articulate many reasons why they do it, but most neglect to consider the academic and long-time consequences of their actions. Some are compelled to use drugs at social gatherings either because everyone else seems to be doing it or they believe it’s the cool thing to do. Others feel that drug and alcohol abuse offers an escape away from school or work-related stress, financial worries or relationship problems. Some feel that alcohol and drug abuse provide a way to compensate for feelings of shyness or low esteem.

    According to one study, 90% of teens said they have used alcohol; 50% have used marijuana; 17% have used cocaine, and 13% have used some form of hallucinogenic drugs. Drug use has been classified as a major problem of students as early as in primary 4. A recent report published by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration suggests that adolescents who receive grades of D or below are more likely than those in good academic standing to have recently used cigarettes, alcohol and/or other illicit drugs.

    The new research is part of a large-scale study of health and development conducted in New Zealand. Researchers administered IQ tests to over 1,000 individuals at age 13 (born in 1972 and 1973) and assessed their patterns of cannabis use at several points as they aged. Participants were again tested for IQ at age 38, and their two scores were compared as a function of their marijuana use. The results were striking: Participants who used cannabis heavily in their teens and continued through adulthood showed a significant drop in IQ between the ages of 13 and 38-an average of 8 points for those who met criteria for cannabis dependence. (For context, a loss of 8 IQ points could drop a person of average intelligence into the lowest third of the intelligence range.) Those who started using marijuana regularly or heavily after age 18 showed minor declines. By comparison, those who never used marijuana showed no declines in IQ.

    Researchers studying the effects of alcohol use on the brain are aided by advanced technology such as magnetic resonance imaging (MRI), diffusion tensor imaging (DTI), position emission tomography (PET) and electrophysiological brain mapping (EBM) showed that long-term heavy drinking lead to shrinking of the brain which impairs learning, memory formation and retrieval. That is why most times we read and forget within a short period.

    The process of generating new brain cells (i.e., neurons) is called neurogenesis. High level of alcohol leads to a disruption in the growth of brain cells. The decline of the number of brain cells leads to problems in learning and behaviour. The number of brain cell a student possesses determines his level of understanding. A student who has a higher amount of brain cells will do better academically.

    Thiamine, also known as vitamin B1, is an essential nutrient required by the brain. Up to 80% of alcoholics have a deficiency in thiamine, which may lead to memory loss and mental confusion. It might also affect your attention and concentration. Substance abusers easily get distracted; misplace things, forgetting to keep appointments and so on. As the brain continues to adapt to the presence of the drug, regions outside of the reward pathway are also affected. Brain regions responsible for judgment, learning, and memory begin to physically change or become “hardwired.” Learning, reading, and comprehension becomes difficult because the brain had been wired to focus on alcohol.

    Alcohol can produce detectable impairment in memory after only a few drinks and as the amount of alcohol increases so does the degree of impairment. Large quantity of alcohol can produce a blackout or an interval of time for which the intoxicated person cannot recall key details of events or even an entire event. Think about how much study time you have lost because you were too hung-over the next day to go to class. Drug abusers oversleep and are always tired.

    Severe Hallucination is another problem faced by drug users. Most times they lose touch with realities during lectures or examination. Physically they are in class but mentally they are somewhere else. Academics requires both physical and mental alertness. Therefore, a “high” students can attend lecture but will derive nothing because he was busy building castles in the air. Hallucination leads to academic failure.

    Everyone who became a drug or alcohol addict started with “let me taste or try it.” Smoking cigarette or Indian hemp or drinking alcohol is not a sign of “big boy or big girl”. It is not a sign of maturity but immaturity. You should not please your company by abusing drugs or alcohol. Drugs and alcohol are slow poisons. It solves no problem, if you get high because of financial stress, relationship problems, shyness or peer pressure, after some minute, you will get low and the problem will still be there.

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    Source by Anyaehie George Kelechi

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