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THE SECOND STORY—BABY OYSTERS AND FISH

The story of baby oysters.—Before telling this story to my little girls I reviewed the story of the plants. This refreshed in their minds certain very important laws that they had learned in the first talk. This talk was given when they were about six and eight years old.

In studying the story of life among the plants, you will remember that we learned that in most plants the male and female organs of sex were in the same flower. Among the lower forms of animal life, we find both the male and female natures in the same animal. The oyster furnishes a good example. These little animals are surrounded with and fastened to a very hard and heavy shell. These animals live in great masses and their shells are cemented together. Growing in this way they cannot move about, or mix and mingle with each other. The mother parts of the oyster produce little eggs which are fertilized by a substance formed by other organs containing the father nature. The fertilized egg, when laid, floats off and becomes attached to the shell of some oyster on a nearby rock.{ Later, it hatches and the little baby oyster forms about its body a hard shell that is made larger as the little animal grows. In this way the little oysters come into the world. Among the oysters, we find the same laws that we found in the plants, i. e., each baby oyster must have a father and mother and the father and mother natures must unite. In the plants the father and mother natures unite in a little seed; in the oyster this union takes place in a little egg.

When God made the fish, lizards, snakes, birds and higher animals, he gave to one a papa or male nature, with suitable sexual organs; to another animal of the same kind he gave a mamma or female nature, with suitable female or sexual organs. In the plants we find that the female sexual organs, the ovaries, produced little seed. We found that the male sexual organs, the stamens, produced a fine powdery substance called pollen. Among the animals, the sexual organs of the mother produces little eggs and the sexual organs of the father produces a fluid called semen.

The story of baby fish.—Now we will study the fish. In the spring season of the year thousands of tiny eggs are formed in the ovaries of the mother fish. When these eggs are matured, the mother fishes swim in large crowds, called “schools,” from the deep water of a stream, river or sea to some shallow place that seems to them to be suitable for a nest or home for their young. The mother fishes lay their eggs in a mass of albuminous substance, like the white of an egg, that spreads out in a very thin sheet holding the little eggs one in a place and close together. The father fishes swim along sometimes a foot, a yard or more behind the mothers and expel from their bodies the semen that unites with and fertilizes the eggs. This special fluid of the male fish is formed by his sexual glands, called testes. In this way the father nature unites with the mother nature to produce every little fish that comes into this world.

Why the mother fish lays so many eggs.—The female fish forms thousands of these little eggs in her body each year. The female codfish has been known to lay as many as 6,000,000 eggs in one season. You could not count as many in a lifetime. The reason why the mother fish produces so many eggs is, that not one fish egg in twenty-five, on an average, will ever hatch and not more than one out of twenty-five little fishes ever grow to be an inch long. They have little, or no, protection, and they have so many enemies. There are hogs, turtles, crocodiles and alligators; the ducks, geese and other water fowls; as well as most of the fish that feed upon fish eggs and small fish. That the streams, rivers and seas may be kept supplied with an abundance of fish, God has planned for the mother fish to lay thousands of eggs.{

All baby fish are orphans.—Most kinds of fish leave their eggs as soon as they are laid and fertilized and never see or know their young. There are a few male fish, known as game fish, which swim over and around the eggs until they are hatched to keep other kinds of fish from eating the eggs. As soon as the eggs are hatched, he leaves. In this way all little fish grow up as orphans. They never know or enjoy the presence of their parents. The parent fish do not labor or sacrifice for their young, and, for this reason, they have no love for them. Should they ever meet their young in the river or sea they would have no way of knowing them or of feeling any sense of joy.

Fish do not pair off.—We found in the study of the plants that the seed were fertilized while in the pod or ovary. In the fish we found that the eggs are fertilized outside of the mother’s body. In nearly all the animals above the fish the eggs or ova are fertilized while in the mother’s body. There is no love between the male and the female fish. They do not pair off and live in families. Among all the spiders, lizards, serpents, many of the insects, crawfish, frogs and toads there is a tendency, at certain seasons, for the male to choose a female with a view to a home and family. But among all the animals we have named, many of the male and female animals part or leave each other as soon as the eggs are fertilized, and all{ the others leave each other as soon as the eggs are hatched. The love of the male for the female lasts but for a little time; while there is no love for their young after they are hatched. Before the young are hatched some of their parents show interest in their eggs and make some provisions for their young when hatched. But this is all done before the young are hatched. The young all grow up as little orphans.

Extract from EBook of Self Knowledge and Guide to Sex Instruction, by T. W. Shannon

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April 19, 2020
With Humans In Hiding, Animals Take Back The World

Gulf states have tightened lockdown measures in large cities, and with Dubai’s shops closed and almost no people on the streets, peacocks that normally live in nearby gardens ventured out to explore other areas of the Middle Eastern city.

A flock of geese searched for food inside a temple in Nagaon, in India’s state of Assam, on April 3. Many temples and shrines across the country have closed during the nationwide lockdown.

On April 5, two cows strolled on a Corsican beach usually popular with tourists. It was the 20th day of a strict shutdown in France.

A young puma walked the streets of Santiago on March 24 after the government ordered confinement measures in some areas of the Chilean capital.

Mountain goats roamed the streets of Llandudno, in Wales, on March 31, one week after U.K. Prime Minister Boris Johnson issued a stay-at-home order.

Sika deer wandered over to a sushi restaurant in Nara, Japan, on March 12. When Prime Minister Shinzo Abe declared a state of emergency for Tokyo and its surrounding regions, the number of visitors to the city of Nara dropped significantly

Macaques searched for food around the closed stalls of the Johari Bazar in Jaipur, India, on March 26. After Prime Minister Narendra Modi declared a nationwide lockdown, the marketplace was deserted.

Since Italy’s countrywide lockdown was imposed, the water in Venice’s canals have cleared, and residents have noticed more birds appearing.

On March 30, ducks ventured across the street in the heart of Paris, which is typically bustling with traffic.

Goats sauntered on abandoned streets in Jaipur on March 24

A baby rabbit crossed a main road in Christchurch on April 1. New Zealand entered its strictest state of lockdown on March 25.

A wild fox roamed the empty streets of London on the night of March 28.

On April 1, cattle looked for food in Palu, Central Sulawesi, in Indonesia, where the government is recommending that people avoid public spaces.

A coyote stood outside Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles on April 3, weeks after Major League Baseball suspended all play.

The movie theater was closed in Westbury, N.Y., on March 20, leaving the parking lot empty for Canadian geese to roam.

Gulf states have tightened lockdown measures in large cities, and with Dubai’s shops closed and almost no people on the streets, peacocks that normally live in nearby gardens ventured out to explore other areas of the Middle Eastern city.

Karim Sahib/AFP via Getty Images

It took just a few days of lockdown for baby rabbits to dare to cross once-bustling roads in Christchurch, New Zealand, and less than a week for a puma to descend from the Andes Mountains into Santiago, one of South America’s busiest capitals. In Barcelona, wild boar, a familiar sight for citizens on the city’s outskirts, have made their way into Diagonal Avenue, an eight-lane thoroughfare.

It’s surprising and strange, yes, but also meaningful. Research suggests that ecosystems can rebound with speed once human intervention subsides. A review published last week determined that damaged ecosystems and wildlife can be rebuilt if the right conditions are achieved. Marine ecosystems in particular can substantially recover by 2050, according to the study, led by Carlos Duarte at the Red Sea Research Center in Saudi Arabia.

Of course, a deadly pandemic that brings about a sudden economic collapse is no way to sustainably restore threatened ecosystems. Yet it’s a clear reminder of how quickly the wild world responds when humans take a step back.

Scientists have tracked this pattern for decades. The number of humpback whales migrating from Antarctica to eastern Australia has been increasing each year, from a few hundred animals in 1968, when commercial whaling was banned, to more than 40,000 today. In 1880 only 20 breeding northern elephant seals had survived decades of hunting, and today there are more than 200,000.

Hunting bans, habitat restoration, and the reduction of water pollution are all linked to the recovery of marine species. The continuation of these practices—and, most of all, working to mitigate the effects of climate change—would contribute to oceans recovering significantly by 2050, the researchers said.

It’s more difficult for land ecosystems to bounce back because both the scale of extinction and the scale of human presence are so large there, said Duarte, a marine science professor. But these differences don’t mean the return of wildlife to deserted city streets isn’t significant, he said: “I believe our own confinement, and the release of wildlife from confinement, should bring some empathy between humans and wildlife moving forward.”

A flock of geese searched for food inside a temple in Nagaon, in India’s state of Assam, on April 3. Many temples and shrines across the country have closed during the nationwide lockdown.

Anuwar Ali Hazarika/Barcroft Media via Getty Images

On April 5, two cows strolled on a Corsican beach usually popular with tourists. It was the 20th day of a strict shutdown in France.

Pascal Pochard-Casabianca/AFP via Getty Images

A young puma walked the streets of Santiago on March 24 after the government ordered confinement measures in some areas of the Chilean capital.

Andrews Pina/Aton Chile/AFP via Getty Images

Mountain goats roamed the streets of Llandudno, in Wales, on March 31, one week after U.K. Prime Minister Boris Johnson issued a stay-at-home order.

Christopher Furlong/Getty Images

Sika deer wandered over to a sushi restaurant in Nara, Japan, on March 12. When Prime Minister Shinzo Abe declared a state of emergency for Tokyo and its surrounding regions, the number of visitors to the city of Nara dropped significantly

Tomohiro Ohsumi/Getty Images

Macaques searched for food around the closed stalls of the Johari Bazar in Jaipur, India, on March 26. After Prime Minister Narendra Modi declared a nationwide lockdown, the marketplace was deserted.

Vishal Bhatnagar/NurPhoto via Getty Images

Since Italy’s countrywide lockdown was imposed, the water in Venice’s canals have cleared, and residents have noticed more birds appearing.

Andrea Pattaro/AFP via Getty Images

On March 30, ducks ventured across the street in the heart of Paris, which is typically bustling with traffic.

Mehdi Taamallah/NurPhoto via Getty Images

Goats sauntered on abandoned streets in Jaipur on March 24

Vishal Bhatnagar/NurPhoto via Getty Images

A baby rabbit crossed a main road in Christchurch on April 1. New Zealand entered its strictest state of lockdown on March 25.

Sanka Vidanagama/NurPhoto via Getty Images

A wild fox roamed the empty streets of London on the night of March 28.

Sanka Vidanagama/NurPhoto via Getty Images

On April 1, cattle looked for food in Palu, Central Sulawesi, in Indonesia, where the government is recommending that people avoid public spaces.

Basri Marzuki/NurPhoto via Getty Images

A coyote stood outside Dodger Stadium in Los Angeles on April 3, weeks after Major League Baseball suspended all play.

Keith Birmingham/Pasadena Star-News via Getty Images

The movie theater was closed in Westbury, N.Y., on March 20, leaving the parking lot empty for Canadian geese to roam.

Bruce Bennett/Getty Images

Credits: Bloomberg

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April 9, 2020
Assuaging Plight Of The Poor In This Perilous Time By Okechukwu Nwanguma

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Rule of Law and Accountability Advocacy Centre has been monitoring and receiving information on public compliance with the Federal Government ordered lockdown in Abuja, Lagos and Ogun states, which contain measures to contain the ravaging Covid-19 pandemic.

Our monitoring of the compliance with the lockdown and stay-at-home orders in Lagos, Abuja and few other states indicate that most people are finding it difficult to effectively comply for various reasons.

First, there are those, who still don’t believe that Covid-19 is a real life-threatening pandemic and that precautionary measures such as social distancing, personal hygiene and other outlined measures can prevent its infection and spread.

In fact some have been made to believe that the lockdown is a deception by government to achieve other ulterior motives. Those, who promote this narrative are mainly the apocalyptic Pentecostal ‘Men of God’, who push arguments linking Covid-19 to 5G mobile technology, which they argue is a part of the biblically ordained designs of the Anti-Christ.

Second, some Nigerians are simply lawless or lack discipline, just like when passengers are asked to switch off their phones prior to flight take off and you still find some people, seemingly ladies and gentlemen, fiddling with their phones.

To illustrate, a relative of mine called me yesterday to complain that he was arrested by the police somewhere in Lagos when he drove out to buy pap for his baby. I asked him whether he knew about the lockdown order and whether there was nowhere around his neighbourhood he could walk down to buy the pap. He said ‘but other vehicles are on the road’. I told him that he had broken the law as much as those other people. Everybody may not be arrested at once.

He wanted me to talk to the police officers, who arrested him and ordered him to drive to their station. I asked him what he wanted me to tell them.

Third, and most significantly, there are yet others, who are forced out of their homes by want and hunger. They can’t stand the site of their tender children crying for hunger.

As I said elsewhere, majority of the population fall within the poor and vulnerable category. Usually, many feed themselves and their dependents on their daily earnings. They live from hand to mouth.

Under the prevailing difficult and uncertain situation, many families and individuals are already suffering and starving, just one week into the lockdown, with one more week left to go, with the probability of an extension.

The Federal Government’s Social Intervention Policy, the so-called conditional cash transfer is not yet addressing mass poverty, deprivation and hunger. The billions, which government announced that it has released and made available for conditional cash transfer to the poor and vulnerable in communities are not reaching the targets. There are still cries of woe and anguish in most communities.

We have seen videos of caricature of the ‘social intervention’, of food items shared to some communities. In one video, we saw a street in Lagos of over 30 families, who said they were given two loaves of bread and few cups of rice and garri and few condiments (tomato paste sachets) to share. And we see members of the community lamenting and asking how a whole street of over 30 families could be given such quantity of food items not enough to serve one family for two days to share!

Corruption has become our national culture. A seemingly intractable challenge to our progress and development. Most of our politicians and public office holders are unscrupulously avaricious.

Given our past experiences where public funds meant for and released to assuage the sufferings of poor and vulnerable communities were either unconscionably used to ‘cut grasses’ or inexplicably got ‘swallowed by snakes’, we call for transparent and community-based approaches to the management and disbursement of social intervention funds.

Considering complaints by many local communities about not benefiting from the released billions of naira announced and meant to alleviate poverty and hardship, especially during this difficult and uncertain period, we call for a transparent and effective investigation of the management of the funds so far allocated. Efforts must be put in place to ensure that the funds are not diverted as usual.

Independent community committees must receive these funds and be charged with identifying those in their midst, who qualify to benefit.

The management of the funds should be monitored by a multi-stakeholder committee including government and community representatives as well as credible media and civil society representatives.

Government must put effective measures in place to check corrupt public officials, who want to steal or divert funds meant to relieve the sufferings of the poor and vulnerable people in this perilous times.

This is the only way to help the people comply with the law and stay at home for now!

Finally, since government has been announcing huge numbers of beneficiaries of cash transfer program running into millions and claiming to have paid billions, can the government make the system transparent by publishing the names and addresses of the beneficiaries on an electronic portal so that Nigerians can do the verification?

Okechukwu Nwanguma is the Executive Director of Rule of Law and Accountability Advocacy Centre

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April 9, 2020
Urine test can predict how much a baby will grow in six months’ time

Metabolites from urine or blood samples can be used to predict how much a baby will grow six months ahead of time, which could improve interventions for chronic malnutrition

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April 9, 2020
Nigerian Music Star, Davido, In Self-isolation After Fiancée, Chioma, Tests Positive For Coronavirus

Nigerian musician, David Adeleke popularly known as Davido, has announced that his fiancé, Chioma, has tested positive for Coronavirus.

Making the announcement on Twitter, Davido said Chioma recently returned from the United Kingdom with their baby.

While the baby tested negative, her own result returned positive.

He said, “Hey everyone, I came back recently from America after cancelling a tour. My fiancé, Chioma, also came back from London recently with our baby.

“We had no symptoms and still both feel perfectly fine but because of our recent travel history, we decided to take ourselves and all close associates we’ve come in recent contact with for the COVID-19 test on the 25th of March.

“Unfortunately, my fiancé’s results came back positive while all 31 others tested have come back negative including our baby.

close associates weâve come in recent contact with for the COVID-19 test on the 25th of March. Unfortunately, my fiancÃ©âs results came back positive while all 31 others tested have come back negative including our baby. We are however doing perfectly fine and she is even still…

— Davido (@davido) March 27, 2020

“We are however, doing perfectly fine and she is even still yet to show any symptoms whatsoever.

“She is now being quarantined and I have also gone into full self-isolation for the minimum 14 days.

“I want to use this opportunity to thank you all for your endless love and prayers in advance and to urge everyone to please stay at home as we control the spread of this virus! Together we can beat this.”

The Nigerian Center for Disease Control on Friday night announced that Coronavirus cases in the country had hit 70 with one recorded death.

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March 28, 2020
WHO steps up action to improve access to safe blood
The World Health Organization’s new action plan to speed up universal access to safe blood and blood products pulls together existing recommendations and recommends new improved ways of working. It’s the start of a four-year collaborative effort to improve blood transfusion and blood-based therapies in all countries.

Safe blood saves lives in all sorts of circumstances, not least in emergency and epidemic settings. Blood transfusion and blood products are critical for birth delivery for both the mother and baby; the survival and quality of life of patients suffering from life-threatening conditions such as haemophilia, thalassemia, immune deficiency and cancer; treating severe injuries and carrying out medical and surgical procedures.

But progress in blood safety and availability has been slow in many parts of the world, placing patients’ safety at risk and putting undue pressure on health workers. Progress is also mostly restricted to developed countries. Out of the approximate 118 million blood donations collected globally, 42% are collected in high-income countries, home to 16 % of the world’s population. And one out of four low-income countries do not test all donated blood, while 54% of countries do not have surveillance systems to securitise the supply chain from blood donor to patient.

Challenges include: slow implementation of national blood policies and weak blood regulatory systems; insufficient number of voluntary blood donors (who are considered the safest donors); poor quality management of screening tests, blood grouping and compatibility testing; inappropriate clinical use of blood; insufficient national funding for blood safety.

To address these, WHO has set out six key objectives for all countries and in particular those with weak blood systems:
- appropriately structured, well-coordinated and sustainably resourced national blood systems;
- regulatory capacity to ensure the quality and safety of blood;
- functioning and efficiently managed blood services;
- effective implementation of patient blood management to optimize transfusion practices;
- effective surveillance, haemovigilance and pharmacovigilance, supported by comprehensive and accurate data collection systems;
- partnerships, collaboration and information exchange to achieve key priorities and jointly address challenges and emerging threats at global, regional and national levels.
The Organization looks forward to working with partners worldwide to implement the plan, improve blood supply particularly in the low and middle-income countries where this is so urgently needed, and save lives. The plan will run from 2020-2024.

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February 27, 2020
Preventing child obesity in the next generation must start before conception

The key to preventing obesity in future generations is to make their parents healthier before they conceive, leading health researchers suggest.

In a series of papers, published in The Lancet Diabetes and Endocrinology, the researchers say that the time before couples conceive represents a missed opportunity to prevent the transmission of obesity risk from one generation to the next. They argue that a new approach is needed to motivate future parents to live a healthier lifestyle.

There is now a wealth of evidence that the risk of obesity and its associated conditions, such as heart disease diabetes and some cancers, could impact the developing baby. In turn, when the child becomes a young adult they may pass the risk of obesity on to their children – it is a vicious cycle.

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February 27, 2020
Stephen King Is More Introspective in His New Novel Doctor Sleep

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In Stephen King’s new novel, Doctor Sleep, King brings back the character of Danny Torrence, the little boy in The Shining. In interviews King says that when fans ask about the fate of specific characters (the one’s that actually live through the horror), he’s been more interested in the those that question the fate of Danny. I think most people who have seen the movie remember the cute little boy on a tricycle with a bowl haircut racing down the empty corridors of The Overlook Hotel. Later to run from a mad “white knuckle alcoholic” who was his father.

Doctor Sleep is, in my opinion, semi autobiographical. Like Duma Key, which deals with the aftermath of a man who is in a horrendous accident (like King), Doctor Sleep deals with the reality of what it is like to be a recovering alcoholic. I didn’t know King was an alcoholic, but he has been in recovery for over twenty years. So he knows the depths to which one can plunge as well as the difficulties in trying to remain sober. In Doctor Sleep, Danny is an alcoholic like his father and a chain smoker like his mother (who, in the novel, has died of lung cancer). When writing the book, King’s son, Owen, told him that the “plunge” he had given Danny, now Dan, was not far enough to equal the plunge Dan’s father, Jack, had taken. King takes his advice. So, if you don’t want gross, speed read ahead. Dan, after having picked up a girl, gotten in a fight, spends all of his paycheck on cocaine, wakes up still drunk and has to go to the bathroom. “Another lurch from his unhappy gut… That released all of the puke triggers: the vinegar smell of hard cooked eggs in a big glass jar, the taste of barbecue-flavored pork rinds, the sight of french fries drowning in a ketchup nosebleed. All of that crammed into his mouth last night between shots. He was going to spew… ” And that he does in spectacular fashion. But that leads to the main reason for the scene… Dan’s plunge. As he’s leaving the bathroom, out of another room comes a toddler with a baggy diaper full of everything a baby discards, sees the coke on the table, runs to it crying, “canny, mama, canny!” Danny keeps him from getting the “canny” and the little boy falls asleep with his drunk mother. Danny notices bruises on the little boy’s body. While the mom is passed out, he goes through her wallet taking all of her money. Justifying this by saying she’d been the one who made him spend his paycheck on coke. The taking of the money haunts Dan. And the bruises on the little boy haunt Dan. This, to me, is the real crux of the novel. Dan can not get beyond the demons of his past, his murderous, alcoholic father, the dead but not dead people from The Overlook who visit him leaving behind pieces of their rotting, putrefying bodies and the mother with her bruised baby boy. Dan discovers “that memories are the real ghosts” and that, “you take yourself with you, wherever you go.”

Of course in every King novel there has to be some type of supernatural forces causing havoc. In this novel, King expands on the concept of “the shining”. It’s the ability to read other people’s minds, or move objects, or project out of one’s self. Dan has it and so does a young teenage girl named Abra. In Doctor Sleep, they have to battle a bunch of centuries old serial killers, the True Knot, disguised as RV driving pensioners who literally feed off the pain of others. They only feed on those with “the shining”, and they make their deaths particularly brutal. It makes for better “steam”. They get a big kick out of 9/11 and other tragedies. The leader of this group, a woman named Rose, has a tusk. In Doctor Sleep, Dan fights his past with much greater dread and sense of terror than he does the woman with the tusk. Dan does, through AA, “come to know a new freedom and new happiness.” He also comes to realize that he “will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.” With this novel King, apparently, is not shutting the door on his past.

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February 10, 2020
Created To Bond – Changes That Heal Part II
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Failure To Develop Relationships

Emotional ties have a dramatic effect on our well-being. When one fails to develop relationships or bond with others, it can and often does affect their ability to stave off or recover from a variety of not only physical but also emotional ills. When they learn to attach to and trust others, they begin to develop not only emotionally, but also psychologically. Thus, their ability to bond with others… to become closely knit, often carryover into their home life.

When a child is distressed, he/she may show unusual signs such as increased pulse, increased or labored respiration, helplessness, and hopelessness and may easily become enraged. These signs are often seen when the biological parent remarries and the child tends to believe that he/she must compete with the step-parent for the biological parent’s attention.

When the adoptive or step-parent enters the situation with food, physical contact, compassion and other help, the child learns her parents can meet her needs. The child is then more active and able to respond to stimulation such as playing. When the child is content, she is able to sleep and feel comfortable in her surroundings.

According to Deborah Gray, author of Attaching in Adoption, “attachment is a relationship formed primarily with members of the family and requires more time and interaction to be created. Attachment is what most adoptive parents are referring to when they talk about bonding with their child. Adopted children of all ages may have an attachment to their birth family, even if the relationship was neglectful or abusive. Many adoption experts agree that if a child can form an attachment to birth and foster parents, she will have the skills to attach to her adoptive family as well.”

Signs of Secure Attachment

The parental attachment process can often take weeks or years to fully develop, and in some cases there maybe pervasive attachment disorders for which professional therapy will be required. A strong indicator of whether attachment is taking place is the comfort with which the adoptive or step-parent is able to recognize the child’s needs. It is important to remember that the repetition of parents meeting a child’s needs is the foundation of forming a secure attachment with children of all ages, not just infants.

The attachment bond shapes an infant’s brain

The attachment bond is the term for our first interactive love relationship-the one we had with our primary caregivers, that is, our mothers. The mother-child attachment bond is instrumental in shaping infants brains. This important attachment profoundly influences our self-esteem, our expectations of others, and our ability to attract and maintain successful relationships. So, the success, or failure, of our first love-the attachment bond-has a life-long effect.

Our secure attachment bond shapes our abilities to:
- feel safe
- develop meaningful connections with others
- explore our world
- deal with stress
- balance emotions
- experience comfort and security
- make sense of our lives
- create positive memories and expectations of relationships
Attachment bonds are as unique as we are. Primary caretakers do not have to be perfect. They do not have to always be in agreement with their infants’ emotions, but it helps if they are emotionally available a majority of the time.

We were born with an innate or preprogrammed need to bond with one very significant person-our primary caregiver, usually our mother. Like all infants, you were a small bundle of disjointed emotions-intensely experiencing fear, anger, sadness, and joy, often at the same time. The natural emotional attachment that grew between you and your caregiver was the first interactive relationship of your life, and it depended upon nonverbal communication. Therefore, the bonding you experienced in this relationship determined how you would relate to other people throughout your life. This bonding relationship established the foundation for all verbal and nonverbal communication in your future relationships.

For better or worse, the attachment bond profoundly influences the infant brain. It is a baby’s first love relationship. When the primary caretaker can manage personal stress, calm the infant, communicate through emotion, share joy, and forgive easily, the young child’s nervous system becomes “securely attached.” The strong foundation of a secure attachment bond enables the child to be self-confident, trusting, hopeful, and comfortable in the face of conflict. As an adult, he or she will be flexible, creative, hopeful, and optimistic.

People who fail to establish this type of bonding relationship often experience confusing, frightening, or broken emotional communications during their infancy and often grow into adults who have difficulty understanding their own emotions and the feelings of others. This hampers their ability to establish, build and/or maintain attachments leading to successful relationships.

What is Attachment?

Attachment is the relationship between infants and their primary caregivers-is responsible for:
- shaping the success or failure of future intimate relationships
- the ability to maintain a normal emotional balance
- the ability to enjoy being ourselves and to find satisfaction in being with others
- the ability to successfully rebound from various disappointments, discouragement, and misfortune
Many scientific studies of the brain-and the primary role attachment plays in shaping it-has given us a new basis for understanding why vast numbers of people have great difficulty communicating with the most important individuals in their work and love lives. Once, we could only use guesswork to try and determine why important relationships never evolved, or developed chronic problems, or fell apart. Now, thanks to new insights into brain development, we can understand what it takes to help build and nurture productive and meaningful relationships at home and at work.

What is the attachment bond?

The mother-child bond is the primary force in infant development, according to the attachment bond theory pioneered by English psychiatrist John Bowlby and American psychologist Mary Ainsworth. The theory has gained strength through worldwide scientific studies and the use of brain imaging technology.

The attachment bond theory states that the relationship between infants and primary caretakers is responsible for:
- shaping all of our future relationships
- strengthening or damaging our abilities to focus, be conscious of our feelings, and calm ourselves
- the ability to bounce back from misfortune
Scientific research reveals the infant/adult interactions that result in a successful, secure attachment, where both people are aware of the other’s feelings and emotions is the necessary precursor for successful relationships. These studies also reveal troubled, or insecure attachment, in which the communication of feelings fails thus resulting in an inability to form the bind needed to establish a solid relationship. Researchers found that in order to have successful adult relationships there must exist in us and we must depend on the ability to:
- manage stress
- stay “tuned in” with emotions
- use communicative body language
- be playful in a mutually engaging manner
- be readily forgiving, relinquishing grudges
The same research also found that when an insecure attachment exists some type of abuse may have caused it, but it is just as likely to be caused by isolation or loneliness. These recent discoveries offer a new glimpse into successful love relationships. Taking these observations into account often provides the keys to identifying and repairing a love relationship that is strained or falling apart.

Insecure attachment affects adult relationships

Insecurity can be a significant problem in all of our lives, and it usually takes root when an infant’s attachment bond fails to provide the child with sufficient structure, recognition, understanding, safety, and mutual accord. These insecurities may lead us to:
- Tune out and turn off-Most often, if our parent is unavailable and self-absorbed, we may-as children-get lost in our own inner world, we become introverted, avoiding any close, emotional connections. This often causes us as adults to become physically and emotionally distant in relationships.
- Remain insecure-If we have parents who are inconsistent or intrusive, it’s more than likely that we will become unrealistically anxious and fearful, never knowing what to expect. Then as adults, we may become willingly available one moment and totally rejecting the next.
- Become disorganized, aggressive and angry-When our early needs for emotional closeness and comfort is neglected, or when a parent’s erratic behavior is a source of disorienting terror, emotional problems are sure to follow. As we grow into adults, we may lack the ability to love easily and may unknowingly be insensitive to the needs of our partner.
- Develop slowly-Problems often occur when we fail to develop as rapidly as we should, both emotionally and intellectually. Such developmental delays often manifest themselves in the form of deficits and often result in subsequent physical and mental health problems, and generally lead to social and learning disabilities.
Lessons Learned From Our Attachment Bond

There are many powerful, life-altering lessons we learn from our attachment bond-our first love relationship continues to teach us as adults. The gut-level knowledge we gained from this bond then guides us in improving our adult relationships and making them secure.

Lesson No. 1-All adult relationships depend on nonverbal forms of communication for their success. These nonverbal communication skills are learned in infancy. Newborn infants cannot talk, reason or plan; yet they are equipped to make sure their needs are met. Infants don’t know what they need, they feel what they need, and communicate accordingly. When an infant communicates with a caretaker who understands and meets their physical and emotional needs an attachment takes place and the strength of that attachment influences other relationships later in life.

Lesson No. 2-Relationships in which the parties are tuned in to each other’s emotions are called attuned relationships, and attuned relationships teach us that:
- nonverbal cues deeply impact our love relationships
- as we play it helps us smooth over the turbulent times we endure in love relationships
- inevitable conflicts can build trusting relationships if we approach them without fear or a need to punish or retaliate
When we can recognize knee-jerk memories, perceive expectations, inappropriate attitudes, unfounded assumptions and improper behaviors as problems resulting from insecure attachment bonds, we can squelch their influence and their effect on our adult relationships. That recognition allows us to readily reconstruct the healthy nonverbal communication skills that ultimately produce an attuned attachment and successful relationship.

Becoming an Adult and Relationship Orientation

As we grow into adulthood, for the most part we bring with us the ideas and communication lessons we have learned from the time of our infancy. Whether these are good or bad depends on our ability to not only view life from our perspective but also have the ability and the willingness to see things from the other person’s point of view as well. When we are able to do that, then we are in a more astute position to deal with situations and circumstances that are adverse to us.

As we move through the adolescent stage of life we find ourselves at odds not only with others but also with ourselves. We want to be an adult with all of its rights and privileges sooner that we can become one, yet at the same time we want to abdicate the responsibility that goes with that station in life. It is a time of being able to make your own decisions and taking authority over your own life, but you are not there yet. You must learn to maintain control of your impulsiveness and your inhibitions. You must be able to objectionably reevaluate your beliefs, see your parents and authority figures realistically, recognize and pursue your God-given talents and goals, and be willing to take ultimate responsibility for yourself. Finally you must be able to accept and appreciate people who are different.

This ability helps us to be able to accept the good and the bad because we are able to address situations in a mature manner. When we are able to do this, we place ourselves into a position of strength, resulting in a proper evaluation of ourselves. Thus we are able to overcome some of the most persistent problems we face daily because now we are not only able to see things in black and white but also in the various shades of gray. As such, we are able to make allowances for our and other peoples mistakes.

We at that point come to realize that everything in life doesn’t have to go our way in order for us to be happy. We gain a new perspective on ourselves, others and God as a result of our changed thinking. We are then able to deal with each other with mercy, in grace, with the understanding that we too make mistakes. When we move into the realm of tolerance and forgiveness, we are able to love others without them having to be perfect.

Yet, in order to accomplish the task and responsibility of growing up we must also be willing to take responsibility and be accountable for those things of which we have been put in charge. Those things include our attitude, tongue, and actions. As we continue to grow in stature and wisdom the maturity level of our life should also increase proportionately.

Differences Between Men And Women

From my experience in dealing with women, (my mother, aunts, seven sisters and many friends and associates) I find that the majority of women are generally oriented towards their existing friendship networks whereas men were more interested in meeting new people and finding people who had similar interests — in other words, men would rather enjoy the adventure of reaching out to new people rather than cementing their existing relationships.

These results contribute to the growing research on social capital, networking and highlight the importance of examining specific interactive applications. The importance of distinguishing between strong and weak ties plays a major role in establishing new relationships. Also, it is necessary to consider the importance of taking into account gender differences in social interaction patterns. Whereas, women increase their bonding social capital as a result of using these sites but men do not. Women, on the other hand, show a decrease in bonding social capital with those whom they meet outside of their normal sphere of influence.

The fear of incorporating emotional intimacy into these association/relationships is mainly due to a fear of rejection and engulfment – a fear of losing the other and/or losing yourself. To overcome this obstacle you must be able to establish an inner bond with yourself. Inner Bonding is a transformational process for healing the fear of intimacy related ideas that have been carried from past experiences.

The mental visualization of these experiences often cause us to digress into a self-contained state of emotional security that hinders our ability to openly tolerate the inconsistencies we see in others. As a result, we ourselves are moved to a protective state and therefore unable to deal with the negative feelings that we will invariably experience. This barrier can block us from resolving issues that in reality are non-issues.

The Immaturity In Adolescence

Struggles with adolescent identity and depression usually set in when an adolescent experiences a loss. The most important loss in their lives is the changing relationship between the adolescent and their parents. Adolescents may also experience strife in their relationships with friends. This may be due to the activities their friends take part in, such as smoking, which causes adolescents to feel as though participating in such activities themselves is likely essential to maintaining these friendships. Teen depression can be extremely intense at times because of physical and hormonal changes but emotional instability is part of adolescence. Their changing mind, body and relationships often present themselves as stressful and that change, they assume, is something to be feared.

Your experiences in life help you to mature. The maturity is developed when you know you have no one to blame for the past but the circumstances and your immaturity. Oftentimes your immaturity stopped you from having a proper perspective of the facts facts and seeing things as they were. This made you blame others for your sufferings. You may have created and escalated your suffering without realizing the facts and circumstances and taking a easy way out by holding others responsible for it.

You feel you are always on the receiving end of every wrong or perceived wrong due to your immaturity. However, life has a knack of replaying memories and after few years it recreates the same circumstances but this time puts you on the opposite side (giving end), you are left with no choice but to accept the fact that you were so immature then and have grow-up with years. As you mature, life makes you see your ‘old you’ in somebody else now in these replaying of circumstances and you know that the other person still has to wait years ahead to grow and realize these facts.

Maturity slowly leads to wisdom when you know that it is only you who has to stand up and take responsibility for your past – action / inaction, sufferings / failures instead of holding others responsible. It is truly said that you create your own happiness. By blaming others and holding grudges you keep happiness at bay and give way to hatred and self pity. However, with time and wisdom when you accept the responsibility for your sufferings and embrace all your successes without pride -you are truly happy.

Divorce And Its Affects On Maturity

Children of divorced parents often bitterly vow not to repeat the same mistakes. They want to avoid putting themselves and their own children through the pain that comes from the dissolution of a marriage. But, according to University of Utah researcher Nicholas H. Wolfinger, these children’s aspirations face unfavorable odds. “Growing up in a divorced family greatly increases the chances of ending one’s own marriage, a phenomenon called the divorce cycle or the intergenerational transmission of divorce.” Dr. Wolfinger has spent almost a decade studying the marriages of children from divorced homes in America. These children are more likely to marry during their teenage years, cohabitate and marry someone who is also a child of divorced parents. And they are also one-third less likely to marry if they are over age 20.

“Understanding the Divorce Cycle: The Children of Divorce in Their Own Marriages,” by Wolfinger, published by Cambridge University Press, contains important information for those interested in divorce and its repercussions. “Divorce is an important topic because it has so many consequences for well-being,” writes Wolfinger,

“Its transmission between generations adds a whole new dimension by perpetuating the cycle of divorce. The divorce cycle, in short, can be thought of as a cascade. Ending a marriage starts a cycle that threatens to affect increasing numbers of people over time, a sobering thought in an era when half of all new marriages fail.” His research also suggests that if one spouse comes from divorced parents, the couple may be up to twice as likely to divorce. Spouses who are both children of divorced parents are three times more likely to divorce as couples who both hail from intact families.

Besides observing the marital stability of the offspring of divorced couples, Wolfinger’s book provides another perspective on how parental divorce affects offspring marriage timing, mate selection, cohabitating relationships as well as historical trends in the divorce cycle. Wolfinger also explores the divorce reform movement in America and argues in favor of no-fault divorce laws, arguing that a return to an age of tough divorce laws would recreate the social conditions that used to make divorce harder on children.

It is my opinion considering all that has been written on this subject that one reason children from divorced families get divorced more often is because they have a tendency to marry as teenagers. Social history demonstrates that the older you are when you marry, the less likely you are to get divorced. It’s good advice for everyone.”

On the other hand, the more transitions children experience while growing up, the more they will experience as adults. Taking this into consideration, the question that needs to be asked is, “What is the hardest for kids is how many disruptions they experience — the up-and-down cycles.

This is a valid question because many children will have stepparents, and some will see their new families dissolve. This type of disruption occurs any time they lose a parent — except from death. That’s different, and doesn’t have the same negative effects on children… whereas divorce is ambiguous. Children wonder whether the divorce was their fault or who is to blame. And they wonder ‘Is he coming back?’” It is certainly good news that people are less likely to stay in high conflict marriages than they used to. However, “ending a low-conflict marriage may hurt children as much as staying in a high-conflict family,” and the odds of divorce transmission are actually highest if parents dissolve a marriage after little or no conflict. It therefore behooves us to evaluate the effects divorce will have upon our children and their emotional well being should we decide to travel that road.

But before making that decision, we should honestly examine ourselves and the motivating things that are moving us in that direction. This inventory, if prayerfully done will allow us to see the other persons point of view more clearly and thereby make the necessary adjustments, where warranted, to resolve the issues that precipitated situation to begin with. If we are truly willing to continue the relationship, then we must take the necessary steps needed to resolve the issues of what is good or bad by first considering what we could have done to alleviate the problem rather than casting blame. When we allow the power of forgiveness to flow in us we cannot only deal with the past and present, but also the future as bonds are cemented.

Gray, Deborah. Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Today’s Parents. Indiana:Perspectives Press Inc., 2002.

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Source by Franklyn T. Johnson, Ph.D

Views: 0
February 3, 2020
Healing Grief & Loss – A Fresh Start

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Every Day Can Be A Fresh Start

“There are no constraints on the human mind, no walls around the human spirit, no barriers to our progress except those we ourselves erect.”

~ Ronald Reagan

7 DAILY FRESH START BULLET POINTS can help you heal your grief and loss. You have special unique empowerment to seize the moment again and again. Erect possibilities. Erect personal healing solutions. Erect your own peace. Erect hope. Every hour of every day can be a fresh start. Your condition may limit what you are able and desire to perform. However, constraints, walls or barriers don’t need to be in your mind. The opportunities for healing and progress toward a better you are abundant even if done in small baby steps; and on a few occasions one step forward and two steps back. There are keys to minimize the constraints in your mind. 7 must-consider steps to make every day a fresh start follow:

*Fresh Start #1 Erect Possibilities

“Seeds of great discoveries are constantly floating around us,

but they only take root in minds well prepared to receive them.”

~ Joseph Henry

Your grief loss happening may have sent you on a personal detour filled with discouragement and despair. On this detour confusion and hopelessness may jump in front of you on every turn of your healing journey. This is the essential time to explore all possibilities to reconcile your sorrow and grief. Undiscovered possibilities are available. Now is time to be open to receive all possible healing opportunities. Will you prepare to receive them? Search diligently for unrecognized or hidden possibilities.

*Fresh Start #2 Erect Personal Healing Solutions

Especially after a horrendous grief experience your life can be confusing and without meaning. It is essential to recognize you bring the meaning to every living moment. The meaning of your life is what you ascribe it to be. Being alive and proactive determines your healing solutions.

*Fresh Start #3 Erect Your Own Peace

You are absolutely correct. SOMETIMES LIFE IS TOUGH! In fact, life is not always fair. To be at peace because of grief circumstances can be extremely challenging. Finding your own personal peace can be enhanced by counting all the reasons why you can be grateful. Writing down a gratitude list can buoy up your spirit. No matter your condition after your grief there are blessings you can count. Counting your blessings can bring you peace.

*Fresh Start #4 Erect Hope

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems you cannot hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time the tide will turn.”

~ Harriet Beecher Stowe

Hope and peace go together. Nonetheless, without hope you cannot have personal peace. Hope is a powerful and vital quality to own and magnify. Consider all the ways you might create hope in your attitude and in your actions. Holding hope in a strong grasp every day will turn your tide to more happiness, hope and peace.

*Fresh Start #5 Erect Barrier Deletes

Learn to erase negative thinking. Erase hopelessness from your daily thinking. Everyone gets discouraged. Life grief experiences may be joined with partners of despair, confusion, uncertainty, and even anger. Were it that you could simple press a delete button and erase all things that are barriers to your happiness. Essential to your transformation from your grieving experience to a happier state of mind are behaviors that will eradicate negative thinking. It begins and ends with your attitude. Others can help but you are the one who must press the delete button over and over again until your mind is full of positive thinking. You can.

*Fresh Start #6 Erect Empowerment Discovery

I like to think of a tool box inside each of us. Perhaps a hammer, chisel, screwdriver, measuring tape, a pair of pliers, a small level, to mention a few. I dare say it has been a long time since you have used all of those tools – maybe never. However, the time may very well come when a simple use of a pair of pliers will be vital to you. Just like the foregoing tools mentioned are empowerment tools for your mind and attitude. Perhaps you have not needed them before. Maybe they were not needed until your grief loss experience. They might not have ever been used. You may need to dig deep within. If you do you will discover empowerment strength you were unaware you always had. Asking again and again, what can I do will help you discover your personal needed empowerment. Strength will begin to grow in your mind.

*Fresh Start #7 Erect A Daily Fresh Start

Even without a horrendous grief experience a fresh start can be invigorating and revitalizing. Erect each day with a fresh attitude of positive possibilities and opportunities. Seek for all healing solutions. Count your blessings. Delete all negative thinking. Search for your own empowerment. Begin each day with a positive attitude. Think about how you can gain more hope with a daily fresh healing attitude.

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Source by Duane Marchant

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February 1, 2020