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Tag: Anxiety

  • Finding Emotional Intelligence in Negative Emotions – Positive Purpose in Sadness Anger and Fear

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    Emotional Intelligence is severely undervalued. When you feel stuck, frustrated, stressed, upset, or overwhelmed, skillful emotional awareness is the key to moving forward. Underneath your upset is a specific emotion that can guide you. The key, then, is to understand the messages in your feelings and become skillful in using their energy appropriately.

    Even so-called “negative emotions,” such as sadness, anger, and fear, convey important information and energy to carry out specific actions that can help you and others. Emotions arise with a purpose and when this purpose is fulfilled the feeling subsides. Unfortunately, as a society, we have not learned to understand and sufficiently value emotional energy and information, so we tend to deal with these feelings crudely.

    For example, with an emotion like anger, you might express it explosively or shove it under the surface, because you do not want to act angrily. Either you express your feelings reactively or cease feeling altogether.

    Emotional Intelligence expert, Karla McLaren, describes a healthy third alternative. She says you can facilitate the healthy flow of emotions by consciously “channeling” the information and energy that emotions provide. In other words, emotions contain meaningful messages along with energy to do something related to those messages. This is true for so-called “negative” emotions as well as “positive” ones.

    For example, McLaren suggests that:

    • ANGER arises when you, or someone or something you love, is threatened and you need to take protective action or set a firm boundary.

    • SADNESS arises when you need to let go of what no longer serves you or what is past, so you can move forward.

    • FEAR arises to prompt you to take preventative action.

    • JOY prompts you toward expansive, expressive, creative action.

    • COMPASSION prompts you to care for others.

    So, every emotion has a MESSAGE and ENERGY to carry out a specific type of action. Tuning into your emotions helps you to receive these messages and take these actions.

    Let’s explore the first three of these emotions in more depth. Sadness, anger, and fear are often misunderstood and handled poorly. We tend to repress them, stay stuck in them, or express them unskillfully, with negative consequences.

    So, as you work with these emotions, it’s important to do so Mindfully. Approach them as a curious observer with an attitude of paying attention, on purpose, in the present moment, without judgment. Know that emotions are simply information about yourself, others, and events, along with energy to do something about this information. They do not define who you are and they will pass as you gather their information and take appropriate action.

    (Note: If you feel overwhelmed or paralyzed by feelings to the point where you are unable to consciously process them yourself, seek the assistance of a counseling professional who is trained to work with intense emotions.)

    The Positive Purpose of Sadness

    The purpose of sadness is to enable you to let go of what is no longer working or what is past and finished. Sadness is a watery downward-flowing energy that enables you to release what no longer serves you, so you can return to fluidity and flexibility in your life.

    By allowing appropriate sadness to flow through you, you’ll make space for new energy and new possibilities. If you do not consciously acknowledge sadness or don’t know how to flow with it, you’ll bury it inside, where it will perpetually cycle, or you’ll get lost in the feeling and be overwhelmed.

    Here’s a practice adapted from Karla McLaren’s book, “The Language of Emotions,” that can help you consciously process feelings of sadness.

    1. When you feel sadness flood into you, take some quiet, private time to center into the feeling. Tune into the sensation of sadness, locate where it resides in your body, and approach it with curiosity to learn what it has to tell you.

    2. Take a deep in-breath as if you are filling your whole body with your breath. As you exhale, make a sighing sound, and feel the energy of your sadness flowing like water down through your body, through your legs and feet, and down into the ground.

    3. Stay centered in your inner space and ask your sadness the question: “What needs to be released or let go right now?” Don’t rush to fill in an answer. Instead, keep the question open. Listen and feel inside.

    Repeat your sighing breath down through your body as many times as you feel the need and keep your question open for your deeper knowing to respond. You may find you know right away what you need to release or you may find it becomes clear later. Either way, tuning into sadness (or any emotion) mindfully initiates a process of discovery and integration that will help you move forward.

    The Positive Purpose of Anger

    Anger arises to create and preserve personal boundaries and safeguard personal space. You feel angry when a personal boundary or the boundary of someone or something you care for is disrupted or violated. When you are able to identify the source of the perceived threat and use the energy available in anger to strengthen your personal space and take appropriate action, anger will recede. It will have accomplished its purpose.

    Here’s a practice adapted from McLaren to gather the information and use the energy in your anger:

    1. When you feel anger rising, focus inside your body and become more in-touch with the felt sensation. Approach the feeling with curiosity to learn more about it.

    2. Take a deep in-breath. As you exhale, imagine and feel as if the energy in your anger travels outward into a sphere about an arms-width around you, your personal boundary, strengthening it with a brilliant color. Do this until you feel a shift in your energy, so you are witnessing, feeling, and working with the energy in your anger without being consumed by it.

    3. Ask your anger this question: “What needs to be protected or restored?”

    4. Then ask, “What action will restore healthy boundaries and protect what is important?”

    These questions help you identify what feels threatened, so you can take appropriate action. Try this when anger arises and see how it works for you.

    The Positive Purpose of Fear

    We’ve been told “Fear is what holds us back” and “The only thing to fear is fear itself.” If we can just overcome our fears, we’ll be able to live full-out and realize our hopes and dreams. But, what if this perennial wisdom regarding fear is missing something? What if fear in its essential form is one of our wise guides?

    Emotions have three primary forms: unconscious reactive expression, a repressed cycling state, and a healthy free-flowing state. It may be that we are only familiar with the first two forms of fear: a reactive expression that makes us cower and a repressed state which creates constant low-level anxiety.

    Fear in its healthy free-flowing form is something altogether different. What if fear can signal intuitive awareness of something that needs attention? What if it can alert you to important action?

    This form of fear is a sixth sense that reaches out through your personal space to pick up signals about what is happening inside you, with others, and in your environment. Fear can alert you to what is happening in your own body. It can alert you to the actions and intentions of the people around you and to conditions in the environment. When you learn to discern this information, it can help you can choose wise actions.

    To learn to use fear as a wise guide, try this simple practice:

    1. When you feel fear arising, take a quiet, private moment to center into the feeling. Tune into the sensation of fear, locate where it resides in your body, and approach it with curiosity to learn what it has to tell you.

    2. Take a deep in-breath as if you are filling your whole body with your breath. As you exhale, imagine and feel that your breath fills the sphere of your personal space about an arm’s width around your entire body. Sense into your personal space and into the wider space around you and search for subtle signals. For example, you might be drawn to an area inside your body or to look at something or someone in your environment. You might feel the urge to move toward or away from something.

    3. Stay centered in your personal space and ask your fear the question: “What action needs to be taken right now?” Don’t rush to fill in an answer. Instead, keep the question open. Listen and feel inside. See what presents itself. You may have an inspiration to take a specific action.

    It can take time to learn to discern guiding signals. As best as you can, be patient. The simple action of tuning into emotional signals is a cultivated skill. You’ll grow your ability to sense inner guidance from fear and all your emotions through mindful practice over time.

    You’ll also learn to discern the quality of signals that represent accurate present guidance from false interpretations based on painful past experiences. There’s a different felt quality to accurate versus false guidance. False guidance may feel alarming, stressful, or rushed. It is fixated on what happened in the past or overly-anxious about the future. Accurate emotional guidance has a matter-of-fact, present, forward-moving quality, that feels like perfect timing.

    So, in summary, as emotions come up, instead of being wary of them, what if you welcome them, become curious, and ask:

    • What is the sensation of this emotion in my body?

    • Exactly what emotion is this?

    • What is the message in this feeling?

    • What is it asking me to do?

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    Source by Kevin Schoeninger

    Views: 0

  • Reducing the Stress of Being an Entrepreneur

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    Starting and running your own business can be exciting and rewarding, but it can also be very stressful. For most of our almost 40 year marriage my husband has been an entrepreneur and I have sometimes worked with him. Having built my own business as a Stress Reduction Coach I have been reflecting on the stresses of being an entrepreneur.

    Signs and sources of stress

    Some of the signs of stress overload include irritability, anxiety about the sustainability of the business, and/or high business debt. Relationships within the family can suffer if they do not understand the entrepreneurial drive or the time and effort it takes to start and run a business. For women entrepreneurs, the job of running the household and balancing work and home can create enormous stressors. When you work from home, all the household tasks that need to be done can pull you away from your business. People who are drawn to be entrepreneurs are sometimes idea people who don’t like detail and repetitive tasks. Having to work on those things can create stress as well. And when you’re stressed it’s harder to concentrate and focus.

    Organize your environment

    One of the solutions is to reduce the stress and create an environment that discourages stress. Have a place where you can keep everything together and organized. A written plan of action for the business posted where you can see it along with a daily plan can help you focus the time you have available.

    A system that works for me

    I am not a person who comes to organization easily and I have struggled to find a way that works. Daytimers and lists help for a short while, but I have never been able to keep up with them. One thing I have found that works is to have a “big picture overview” of what needs to be done where I can see it. I have a poster board size piece of “static cling” presentation sheet that adheres to my door. It can be easily rolled up and removed if needed. I have several categories that I’ve posted at the top of the sheet, such as “website,” “presentation,” etc. These are written on standard sized post-it notes so they can be easily removed and changed. I brainstorm everything I need to do on small post-it notes. After I brainstorm, I then organize the notes in the appropriate columns. I also have a category that says TODAY for the urgent and important things. I can glance at the poster while I am working and see what else I might need to do and when I finish what I need to do, I can throw the post-it away. If something comes up that is not posted, I can put it on a post-it note and put it where it needs to be.

    This “system” helped me write many graduate papers and I used it when I planned and wrote my dissertation. Now it helps me as I plan and work my business. This is just one technique that helps me reduce the stress of being an entrepreneur.

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    Source by Lorna Minewiser

    Views: 0

  • 8 Steps to Cure Target Panic

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    However, because there are no scientific studies of this debilitating condition, most of what we think we know is based upon personal experience and supposition. But, as a bow hunter, it is important that you understand that such a condition does exist and that, even if you don’t presently experience any of the symptoms, there are steps that can be taken to alleviate your syndrome if it does suddenly develop.

    So, what is target panic and how do you get past it? Well, there again, because there are no definitive scientific studies on the subject, there is no clear definition of exactly what target panic is nor what causes it but, some of the generally recognized symptoms are: the inability to place the sight pin in the center of the target, freezing above or below the target (usually below), the inability to release the arrow at the target, jerking the trigger instead of squeezing it or achieving a surprise release and, last but not least, “drive by shooting” in which the archer jerks the trigger on his release aid as the sight pin drifts past the intended target.

    However, even though we do not know the definitive cause of target panic, the general consensus among archers is that it is caused by anxiety concerning some aspect of the shot process and thus, while not clinically proven to work, the following steps are loosely based upon the process of systematic desensitization:

    1. Learn to shoot with a hinge-style release aid – it is believed that anticipation of the shot is one of the major causes of target panic. Thus, hinge-style release aids (aka “back tension release”) are specifically designed to cause the release to be a surprise to the archer. However, when first learning to use this type of release, you should use a loop of cord held in your bow hand rather than your bow.

    2. Shoot your bow with your eyes closed – although we often strive to do so, no one can hold a bow perfectly steady at full draw. Therefore, the second step to eliminating shot anxiety is to shoot with your eyes closed. Thus, start by obtaining a large target and significantly reducing the draw weight of your bow. Then, position yourself a short distance from the target (3 to 5 ft.), nock an arrow, draw your bow, and aim while focusing on the sight pin. Then, close both eyes, relax, and release the string while concentrating on the feel of the shot. Repeat until you are comfortable.

    3. Shoot a bare bow – because the sight pin often serves as a distraction, the next step is to remove the sights and concentrate entirely on the feel of the shot instead. Thus, remain close to the target and focus on how the bow feels in your hand and how it feels as you draw and release the string with your eyes open. Also, imagine that you are following the arrow on its flight to the target.

    4. Shoot with sight and a target – next, you need to introduce both a sight and a target. But, you do not want to actually aim just yet! Instead, place a brand new target face on your target, replace the sights on your bow, and adjust them way up so that your arrow will not strike the center of the target. Then, stand close to the target (3 to 5 ft.), draw your bow, place the sight pin in the center of the ten ring, and fire one arrow repeatedly. But, instead of concentrating on the sight pin and holding the bow steady, let the bow drift and instead concentrate on the feel of the shot as you release the arrow as described in the previous step.

    5. Move back to the 5 yard point and aim – for this step, you will need to move back to five yards, face your target, nock an arrow, draw your bow, and aim at the center of the target. But, DO NOT SHOOT! Instead, simply aim at the target for 15 seconds while concentrating on keeping the pin in the center of the ten ring and then relax your draw for 30 seconds. Then, perform this step repeatedly.

    6. Shoot at 5 yards – for this step, you will need to stand approximately five yards from the target, nock an arrow, draw your bow, and aim at the center of the target as in the previous step but, in this step you will actually fire the arrow at the target. However, because your sights have been adjusted way up, your arrows will strike the target well below your point of aim which will enable you to concentrate on the feel of the shot instead of shooting tight groups. Then, repeat this process at ten, fifteen, and twenty yards until you are comfortable.

    7. Shoot for score – in this step, you will employ everything that you have learned in each of the previous steps but, in this step, you will actually be attempting to achieve tight groups. Thus, move back up to five yards and readjust your sights so that your arrow hits the center of the target when you aim at it. Then, face the target, nock an arrow, draw your bow, and aim while attempting to keep the sight pin in the center of the ten ring. However, your main focus should be on the feel of the shot, including correct shooting form, as you release the arrow; not the sight pin as you might expect.

    8. Transition back to your original release aid and draw weight – once you become comfortable with the previous seven steps, you are then ready to transition back to your original draw weight and release aid. Thus, start by keeping your draw weight low and positioning yourself at five yards from the target. Then, draw your bow using your original release aid and aim at the center of the ten ring but, rather than concentrating on the sight pin, instead concentrate on the feel of the shot as you trip the trigger. Then, once you are comfortable with your original release aid, return your bow to its original draw weight while continuing to relax and concentrate on the feel of the shot as you release the arrow with the exact position of the sight pin being of secondary concern.

    So, if you are one of the many archers who either have in the past or, is presently, struggling with target panic, then fear not because, rather than being forced to give up your favorite sport, instead all you need is a little mental retraining! Thus, although not clinically proven, the eight steps mentioned above will certainly help to desensitize and distance you from your anxiety concerning the shot process. That way, you can instead relax and concentrate on the feel of the shot with such considerations as choosing the correct point of aim and the right moment to release the string being secondary, although still important, concerns. Just not your entire focus!

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    Source by Mike Venneri

    Views: 0

  • Offline Dating Vs Online Dating

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    Offline dating is whereby an administrator of the website Interacts with members as they apply through a private secure online application. The application may have a setting that allows the administrator to manually approve or decline each application. That way, if the administrators feel the member does not meet the criteria of what the other offline dating members are looking for, they will be denied access and notified through an email. Offline dating can build a private community based on its mission statement and be more selective. This can result in more targeted searches and a higher percentage of matches with a smaller number of members.

    Online dating is whereby there are no administrators interacting with members as they apply. Anyone can fill out an application and they become members. Online dating is an open community and by using algorithms, you search for your match. This can result in less targeted searches and a lower percentage of matches with a larger number of members.

    The advantages of offline dating are you can meet a member in person at an event in your city. Offline dating companies typically host Mixers in different cities for its members and many Mixers don't charge a fee to attend. There is a cash bar and members are encouraged to purchase one drink that the venue keeps. This arrangement allows the offline dating company to host free Mixers. The member don't pay to attend, the offline dating company does pay for space to host the Mixer and the venue makes money from the cash bar.

    The advantages of online dating are members don't face rejection at live mixers. They initially contact each other and establish a virtual relationship that may or may not lead to an in person meeting. The goal is to meet offline and after a period of time establishing a virtual relationship, a level of comfort and trust is established. This may make the first live meeting less stressful.

    The costs of offline dating can be more because attending some events might cost more. Some events are free, such as attending a 2 hour cash bar event at a restaurant. Some events such as a destination trip, a ski trip or cruise ship will cost more.

    The costs of online dating are less because you know what your monthly charge is and at any time, you can cancel your subscription.

    The technology with offline dating companies are a combination of algorithms and human interaction. When a member registers and gets approved, their profiles are uploaded to the system and are not visible by other approved members. Only the administrators of the website can access members profiles and invite members to events, send updates on new happenings and offer dates for a fee. If a member wants to search through the offline dating sites database, only administrator can perform that function for him or her. When a search is completed on behalf of a member interested in finding matches, the system generates appropriate matches based on algorithms that the administrator sets, usually a 70% or higher compatibility. Once those appropriate matches are generated, the administrator can send a photo and bio for the member interested in getting dates to view, with just a click of a few buttons. No other information about the member is sent.

    The member requesting dates then selects a handful of members he or she would like to go on a date with and email the administrator which ones. Next, the administrator then sends those handful of members a photo and bio. No other information is visible. Finally, when any of those handful of members reply they would go on a date with the member requesting a date, a date is ready to be completed. To complete the transaction, the administrator sends a secure electronic invoice for $ 25 and once paid, the administrator sends the contact information for one of those members that is waiting to be contacted to go on a date with. This is a 5 step process all driven by technology and a push of a few buttons that can take less than 15 minutes per date. The process with offline dating companies is simply setting up a guaranteed date, whereby both members have seen photos and bios and both agreed to go on a date. This can take the anxiety out of arranging a date and save time.

    The technology with online dating companies are very simple and straightforward. Members apply online, upload their information, pay a subscription fee and can search and contact other members as the system produces matches based on algorithms that the administrator sets. The advantage is members can view hundreds of profiles and contact hundreds of members, all by paying a monthly subscription with no assistance of an administrator. The challenge comes when a member is interested and contacts another member, that member might not reply. Time and effort spent developing searching and contacting other members might not result in any dates.

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    Source by Janis Spindel

    Views: 0

  • Treating Facial Tics and Tourette’s Syndrome With Alternative Medicine

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    Tics may be due to nutritional deficiencies, genetic conditions, Tourette syndrome, immune system malfunction, allergies, or stress. Stress and anxiety can increase the frequency of facial tics. Emotional trauma can cause tics which can disappear when the emotional disorder is treated. Tics due to emotional trauma or stress can improve or disappear with hypnotherapy, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), energetic therapy, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) yoga, Tai Chi, music therapy, homeopathy, Interactive Metronome, cognitive behavioral therapy, HEMI Sync, acupuncture, massage, and scalp acupuncture. Secondary mood disorders can worsen the severity of tics.

    Treating and healing facial tics or Tourette’s syndrome with ordinary amino acids is the basis for Orthomolecular Medicine. Large doses of naturally found proteins called amino acids can repair the imbalance in the brain and repair its malfunction. These amino acids are affordable and are used in therapeutic doses much larger than those levels normally found in food. The concept of orthomolecular medicine is based upon the use of very large doses of vitamins, minerals, amino acids, or botanical extracts for the cellular repair and enhancement of normal brain activities and motor activities.

    Lithium mineral salt may help this patient if there is Tourette’s syndrome, but it would not help for most other types of facial tics. Botanicals that may treat tics and reduce tics and spasms include kava, skullcap, valerian, St John’s Wort, peppermint, black cohosh, dragon bone, prunella, rose hips, Go Teng, Tian Men Dong, Bai Shao, Yin Chen Hao. Orthomolecular medicine uses includes magnesium, zinc, calcium, B Vitamins, and chromium along with the botanicals to support recovery.

    Orthomolecular medicine uses large therapeutic doses of carnitine, tryptophan, taurine, GABA, and 5-HTP. Theanine, GABA, and 5-HTP can work well for tics caused by stress. These amino acids must be used long- term for Tourette’s syndrome and you may want to consider IV therapy in the worst cases for at least nine months.

    This patient may have severe allergies and benefit from the elimination of genetically modified foods. The diet should be altered to exclude unsaturated fats, caffeine, nicotine, artificial sweeteners, food additives, food dyes, alcohol, and high fat meats. Try to eat free range chicken, organic meat, organic or locally produced eggs, and limit red meat to twice per week. You should always eat breakfast relatively high in protein. This may include whey protein, almond milk, or soy protein. Walnuts, yogurt, almonds, pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, and pecans are great snack foods ideas. Remember that corn is frequently a genetically modified food. Popcorn can be a good snack food if you are certain that it is not genetically modified. Organic or locally grown vegetables and fruits are the best health options. Avoid foods that are often contaminated with pesticides or heavy metals. Plant fruit trees in your yard for more fresh fruit.

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    Source by R Stone

    Views: 0

  • Sex Drive, Sex Addiction And Anger

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    In psychiatry, we do a mental state examination that is quite like a physical examination. In it, one of the questions we ask of every patient is- How is your sexual appetite? In many parts of the world this question can be considered offensive especially when asked by the member of the opposite sex. But in the western world, people can talk freely about it. So in psychiatry, one has to be respectful of the culture one is working in.

    The importance of this question is that sexual drive determines the mental health of a person. In most psychiatric conditions, the drive is reduced. This happens in depression and anxiety conditions including post-traumatic stress disorder. In certain conditions like mania, it increases. In a person who is not manic, but has an unhealthy, elevated sexual drive, it is considered to be a sign of an addiction. An addiction has the quality of being compulsive and it is in excess to the norm. This excess starts damaging the person’s financial, social and personal condition. In such situations, it is a sign of ill health.

    In my experience, sex drive is the indicator of the physical and mental tension a person carries. When the tension increases to the extent that the body and the nervous system start getting tired, the drive reduces. If the tension is reduced, the drive comes back. In my experience, this happens typically in people who suffer with depression. Depression, is suppressed anger. When a depressed person, having low sex drive, starts releasing anger, the nervous system experiences a release and the sex drive or libido is increased as a result.

    Excessive sexual drive is the result of excessive tension or stress being produced in the body. The fact that regular physical exercise produces a healthy sex drive is a clinically known fact. When the tension is increased in the body, as happens in anger and following physical exercise, there is an upsurge in sex hormones. At that stage, the drive can become excessive. Despite having regular sexual partners, such people will feel the need to masturbate frequently to reduce their nervous tension. Such people are usually normal individuals except that they are torn inside with guilt about masturbation. If such people were to do nothing about their ‘sex addiction’, they would end up being depressed. This is because the body has a limit to tolerate tension. When the limit is reached,the nervous system becomes fatigued and features of depression kick in.

    In medical practice, medicines can be prescribed to control the excessive sexual drive. In my work, I have used meditation and imagery exercises to help the patients reduce their anger. The reduction in their sexual drive is a natural spontaneous follow up.

    Many years ago, there was an earthquake in the region of California. In the studies done at that time, scientists were perplexed to learn that immediately after the earthquake, the survivors reported a surge in their sexual drives. The reason for this, as I understand is this. Sex is an activity that is gift from nature to the animal world to continue with the progeny. During times of danger, the survival of the species or individual is threatened. This causes an anger drive that is necessary to undo the effects of the danger. Testosterone is a typical male hormone that increases muscle tension and produces energy in the body. Its secretion is increased at such times too. In order for the progeny to continue, reproductive activity has to take place. So there is a consequent increase in sexual drive.

    On the other hand, what would happen, if the anger tension is considerably reduced in the body? In all kinds of spiritual literature, there is emphasis on celibacy. Some religions enforce it on their followers. This is so because if you meditate regularly, the body’s physical and mental needs reduce considerably. There is also a reduction in anger levels and the body’s tension. The sexual drive reduces as a result. In such cases reduction in sexual drive is a sign of excellent mental health rather than the sign of mental illness. In spiritual literatures, sex is not a weakness because it provides pleasure, but because it is a sign of tension. Spiritual practices, like meditation, reduce this tension. Engaging in sex is a ‘weakness’ from anger/tension perspective in spirituality. It has nothing to do with denial of pleasure.

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    Source by Pradeep Chadha

    Views: 0

  • Why You Need to Express Emotion

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    When I was young I was taught that crying was not good. After all, the message was that if you cry too much, “you’re going to get sick.” Crying, especially in public, definitely was bad news. In short, crying, even when grieving, was considered to be a sign of weakness. If you were going to cry, then do so in private.

    Through the years this and many other natural ways of showing emotion have been stifled by many of the celebrities who always assume a stoic pose when appearing on camera. (I always remember the death of President Kennedy and the way Jackie showed little emotion during the funeral and on TV.)

    Many additional beliefs about expressing emotion were looked down upon for years as western culture had adopted the “rugged individualism” view of dealing with life in all its manifestations. Expressing emotion was out and being strong was definitely in. Keeping emotion within is presently the cultural norm.

    However, psychology and the social sciences have shown time and time again the importance of expressing, in some form, what is happening inside; it can actually save your life. If you have been trained by the authority figures in your life to suppress your feelings or if you are unable to cry (much to do with unconscious beliefs instilled early in life) when one might be expected to do so, consider the following.

    1. We are built to vocalize feelings and tell our stories. This is an inherent and normal human response. Its purpose is to relieve the stress of trauma and massive change that occur in every life. There is a basic human need to externalize the pressure and pain that develops within.

    2. What is the alternative when we bottle the anxiety, anger, fear, guilt or pain that is generated by a major loss? The physical self pays a huge price to perform this task. Stress hormones go into overdrive and every cell in the body is affected. I repeat, every cell in the body is heavily stressed. Energy stores are depleted.

    3. A more vicious result of stuffing feelings is that our unconscious and our memory banks keep them forever alive in full force. Consequently, we are easily thrown into deep pain throughout life when something we see in a movie or on a TV show or read in the paper, cues up the terrible feelings and memories we never dealt with.

    So what can you do? The obvious answer is to find a way to tell your story of pain and disappointment. If you don’t have a best friend who is a good long-term listener, (a resource we all need to develop), then seek out a counselor, clergy person, or support group. You also can express feelings through writing, drawing, painting or sculpting. Reach out to God to unload your burden. You may need several avenues of release.

    Give in to the natural inclination to share the pain of loss. There is nothing weak about doing so. It is not merely highly therapeutic, it will lead to insights into your loss and how to cope with it (verbalizing our feelings often leads to new interpretations and thoughts). When appropriate, request your good listener to give you valuable feedback.

    Make every effort to change the pattern of the way you deal with loss and change and encourage your children to be open with you about their feelings. See the process as wisdom seeking and in making wise choices. Let periodic expression, where you plumb the deepest depths of your feelings, become part of your long-term healing process. We all need the nurturance and feeling of community that sharing feelings naturally brings forth.

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    Source by Lou LaGrand

    Views: 0

  • Relationship Anxiety – Why Doesn’t My Boyfriend Want to Marry Me?

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    Relationships aren’t always viewed as investments, but in many ways that’s exactly what they are. This is especially the case for a woman who is dating a man who is somewhat resistant to the idea of marriage. If you’re that woman, you know that you’ve invested a great deal of time and emotional energy into the connection. It’s understandable that you’d want and expect a diamond ring and a romantic wedding at some point, but what do you do if that end goal is nowhere in sight? If your boyfriend has made it clear to you that he’s not interested in marriage, you’re left flabbergasted. Before you throw in the towel and walk away from everything you two have built, you need some answers. Understanding why he isn’t feeling drawn towards marriage can help you overcome the problem and get things moving in a more positive relationship direction.

    Think About His Reasons for Not Wanting to Marry

    Obviously, by this point you and your boyfriend have discussed the issue of marriage and how you both feel about it. In all likelihood you’ve pushed your boyfriend to share with you where his reservations are coming from. Each man is unique which means that his reasoning for not wanting to take the plunge is going to be specific to him. Generally there are several common threads that seem to run through relationships in which the man isn’t in any rush to get married.

    One of the most common reasons why men refuse to make such a strong commitment is they sense that they’ll lose their own identity when they become a “husband.” Instead of being a self sufficient, single guy they suddenly become one half of a couple who are joined together forever. To most women this sounds like a dream come true but for a man who doesn’t feel emotionally mature, this can be a very frightening proposition. Not only does he see his own identity being pulled away but he senses that his role, from the wedding day forward, is simply to please his wife.

    Other men won’t get down on bended knee to make that all-important proposal because the financial aspect of it weighs heavily on their mind. Men want to be viewed as providers and if your man doesn’t have the means to support himself, let alone you and any potential children in the future, he isn’t going to want to take any steps towards commitment. He also likely won’t reveal his true motivations for not getting engaged. He doesn’t want you to think poorly of him. To a man the most important thing is that the woman he loves sees him as a hero in every sense.

    Devote Your Energy to Helping Him Overcome His Resistance

    There’s something to be said for not pushing a man to commit, but there are obvious exceptions every woman should be aware of. If you believe your boyfriend would love to be married, but he does have some lingering reservations that you’ve been able to identify, you can then start work on helping him move past those.

    It’s not advisable for you to sit down with a man who you believe is struggling with finances so you two can have an honest discussion about how he can’t afford a wedding, let alone an engagement ring. It is helpful if you share with him how you see marriage as an equal partnership and how important it is to you to contribute equally, always. If your boyfriend feels that some of the financial burden has been taken off his shoulders, in a very subtle way by you, that may steer him closer towards a proposal.

    You can also persuade your man to see the gains he’ll make in being married to you, as opposed to the losses he may believe he’ll suffer. If your guy is surrounded by single male friends, this may prove a bit more challenging, but don’t ever view it as impossible.

    Simply start mentioning how important you believe it is that couples always have their own interests. You could even bring up the example of a married friend of yours. Talk about how you think it’s great that her and her husband still have their own independent friends and that they each spend time apart from one another visiting with those friends.

    If your boyfriend senses that your attitude after you marry is going to be that of a woman who doesn’t want her husband spending all his time with her, he’ll be more inclined to see marriage in a much more positive light.

    Be Realistic About the Future of Your Relationship

    Even if you’ve determined why you believe your boyfriend is being hesitant about committing, and you’ve been working at getting him to move past his reservations, there is still a chance that he’ll refuse to marry you.

    If this is the case, it’s important that you look within yourself to decide if waiting endlessly is the right thing for you. Some people just don’t see marriage as something they want in their lives. If this depth of connection is important to you and your boyfriend has continued to resist, even after you’ve helped him understand the benefits of it, it may be time to rethink your future.

    You, and only you, can decide if marriage is a deal breaker within your relationship. If it’s vitally important to you that you two marry, share that with him and leave the ball in his court. If he continues to ignore your needs, you really have to consider whether a partner like that is truly the best choice after all.

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    Source by Gillian Reynolds

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  • Divorce Tips: How To Heal From A Divorce In One Therapy Session

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    Healing from a divorce does take time and people going through this process are apt to experience a range of emotions including sadness, guilt, anger, resentment, anxiety, frustration and depression.

    The good news is that therapy can expedite the healing process and help people to view the end of their marriage in a more positive manner.

    Some years ago, I developed a visualization technique based on Ericksonian Psychotherapy and Hypnosis and which seems to help many divorcing individuals to heal from their loss and to restore their overall well-being.

    A description of this technique appears below.

    Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths as you listen to my voice.

    Each time you breath in through your nose and out through your mouth. And every time you inhale you take in relaxation, peace and healing. And each time you exhale you let go of or diminish any pain, sadness or any negative or uncomfortable thought or unpleasant emotion.

    So, your breath becomes a powerful healing tool. You can use your breath to adjust your mood whenever you need to do so.

    And as you use your breathing to heal yourself, you may also discover that your mind can go back in time if you want it to do so.

    And as you go back in time…

    Do you remember when you were a little boy or a little girl?

    You may remember what you looked like back then or you may have seen photos videos of yourself from your childhood.

    You may also recall what the house you grew up in looked like.

    Now, when you were a child, you probably fell down while running or while riding your bicycle. And most likely, you bruised your knee or your elbow. And your arm or your leg probably bled what felt like a lot back then.

    Then your mom, dad or a neighbor came along and gave you a hug and comforted you.

    They washed out the wound and applied an antiseptic to the injury. This probably that stung a bit. When it was placed on your wound, you may have felt like you were going to have to feel a little worse before you could feel a little better.

    And then your caretaker applied a band aid or some gauze and tape that was just the right size to cover and protect your wound.

    This helped you to feel less pain, a bit safer and a bit more secure.

    The wound may have felt worse for the next day and for even a few more days or weeks.

    You probably had to change the band aid every day or so. And you may have to wash the injured spot frequently.

    But in time, the wound began to heal, even though you may have scratched it at times, like most kids do.

    And after the passage of a little some more time, a scab formed, all the bleeding stopped and the old skin was replaced with news softer but tougher new skin.

    After a little more time, the pain subsided almost completely. Though, you still had some good days and bad days with your wound.

    Now, the pain from some wounds may not ever go away one hundred per cent.

    Many of us have physical aches and pains that stay with us, but we push on in spite of them.

    But, luckily, sometimes healing eighty or ninety percent is sufficient for us to carry on to feel generally okay.

    As you can see, the mind heals from emotional losses and wounds in much the same way that it heals from physical injuries.

    So, if you or someone you love is struggling with a loss, think about the process of healing described in the metaphor.

    Perhaps it will to help to lessen your pain, allow you to heal and to move forward with your life with a more positive spirit.

    Give it a try. Interestingly, this same technique has been used by people who are dealing with the death of a loved one.

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    Source by Jay P. Granat, Ph.D.

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  • The Only Real Cure For Irritable Bowel Syndrome

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    In this article I will talk about irritable bowel syndrome specifically IBS-D which manifests itself in loose bowel movements or alternating diarrhea and constipation. I will not talk about IBS-C which appears to manifest itself in solely bloating and constipation.

    If you have landed on this page it will be because you like many millions of others have either been trying to self diagnose your condition or more likely that you are looking for a cure. I must warn you in advance, although I have an academic background I am not a medical health professional and you should always consult a doctor before embarking on any form of treatment however mild.

    In this article I will be covering my battle with IBS for approximately 10 years and how I finally found a cure that works. Everybody has a different story when it comes to IBS-D but as I found out, we all have something in common. I will go on to discuss this in the following paragraphs but I just want to start by saying a little bit about me.

    About 10 years ago I was a young university graduate and decided to join a job that first seemed exciting with infinite possibilities. I soon learned that this job was very stressful and required a 24 hour commitment. I didn’t have a problem with working hard but I had a problem with my work environment. Many people at work were miserable, anxious, and horrible to one another and constantly testing their bodies to the limit. It seemed the norm to be constantly stressed out, have a poor diet and feel like you had no control over your life. My work was my life and my life was nonexistent.

    Within a few months I started to come into work and make my way straight to the toilet. As any sufferer of IBS-D will known this meant constant diarrhea. It didn’t matter what I ate or drank I would always have diarrhea. It was not uncommon for me to visit the toilet three or four times a day having eaten little to nothing and immediately have diarrhea.

    Slowly I just got used the feeling and for whatever reason I thought nothing more of it. As soon as I would eat I would not feel at ease until I had gone and empties my bowels after which I immediately felt better. Along with the diarrhea I would lose water from my body which I never had time to replace so I looked like a dried out prune. Over 5 years I continued to do this to my body hoping that I would find a better role in my job and finally this would all stop.

    It certainly did not go away in fact into my 6th year of IBS-D suddenly out of nowhere I started getting debilitating cramps followed immediately by diarrhea. I would have these cramps 5-10 times a day and would literally need to run to the toilet or feel like I was about to soil myself. This made it difficult to be effective at my job which then created a vicious cycle causing my IBS-D to completely go out of control.

    I suddenly thought that I had developed cancer and stated reading everything on the internet about what disease matched up with my symptoms. I found quite a few which is why self diagnosis is not such a wise idea. I went to my doctor and we stated off with a course of antibiotics as he thought I might have developed in infection after an episode of food poisoning.

    This didn’t have any lasting effect and soon I was back to him demanding more in depth tests. This started a with a breath test to rule out food allergies and went onto multiple blood tests to eventually eliminating ulcers, colitis, coeliac disease, Crones disease gut infections, etc. I then went to the next and final step which was endoscopy of both the upper and lower digestive tracts. This all came back negative too. Finally I was diagnosed with severe IBS-D. In one way I was relieved to know that I didn’t have something like colon cancer but at the same time I was depressed thinking IBD apparently has no cure.

    The next chapter of my life involved trailing a long list of medicines in the hope that they would resolve this issue. Now I want to tell you that of the drugs that I took, there are many people out there that rave about some of these drugs and what it has done for them. That is great as everyone’s body is different and what works for you may not work for me.

    I am addressing the huge numbers of sufferers worldwide who like me have tried everything under the sun and were unable to find a cure. Now the following is a non exhaustive list of drugs which I tried and the results by their side.

    Fibre (ineffective) Made things worse

    Pre & Probiotics (ineffective) At first seemed promising but quickly stopped working

    Exercise (ineffective)

    Drinking Lots of water (ineffective) Made things worse

    Exclusion diet (ineffective) Some foods like cheese, chocolate, spice made my IBS worse but exclusion of all the culprits did not resolve matters.

    Anti Spasmodic (ineffective) Lots of different brands but all useless

    Imodium (ineffective) Helped a little with the diarrhea but certainly not the cramps

    Tri Cyclic Anti Depressant (ineffective) Has a drying up effective at first but quickly runs out

    Hypnotherapy (ineffective) Very insightful and relaxing but not enough by itself

    At this point the consultant G.I specialist had run out of ideas and I was left to suffer on my own.

    Having done countless hundreds of hours of research I came across the answer. In Islam we believe that for every single disease God has made a cure so go seek it.

    These are my opinions on IBS-D;

    IBS-D will not kill you, it can easily be treated and there is nothing seriously wrong with you

    IBS-D Is a functional disorder which is caused 99% by stress be it conscious or subconscious

    IBS-D can only ever be treated by dealing with the cause behind the problem and not the problem itself

    IBS-D affects people generally in the Western world where the 24/7 lifestyle and pressures of society cause people to be stressed out beyond limits and this is often brushed off as mild anxiety or depression.

    So here is the magic bullet you have all been waiting for that worked for me and if my concept is correct should work 100% without fail for genuine IBS-D sufferers.

    First accept that you have IBS-D because you are under pressure consciously or subconsciously and this is your body’s way of warning you that enough is enough.

    I spoke to my G.P and asked for Venlafaxine XL which is an SNRI antidepressant. I choose this specifically because it had constipation as one of its side effects; it was a powerful antidepressant and reduced visceral hypersensitivity.

    Within 6 months at 150mg a day I had completely 100% recovered from any symptoms of IBS-D.

    So how did it work? It is simple; the vicious cycle of stress, followed by cramps followed by diarrhea was broken. I no longer worried every time I went out if I had been food poisoned or where the nearest toilet was. It just let me get on with life without thinking about IBS and soon I was able just stop worrying about IBS and that is it.

    Every single person reacts differently to different antidepressants so try them and see which one works best for you. Whilst you are on them you could try using hypnotherapy to make you understand that if you take the stress away then you break the cycle. It’s your thoughts that control your bowels. Controlling your thoughts will help control you’re IBS but as I said before hypnotherapy is ineffective on its own.

    The only other drug that I have used when coming off Venlafaxine was a benzodiazepine called Alprazolem, brand name XANAX. In the UK this is not prescribed on the NHS so you will have to get it by private prescription. This drug can be addictive but if you have good self control it is an excellent drug to use on a controlled as needed basis. One tablet of 0.5 mg and I would be saying what IBS? You have to be very very careful not to increase your dose or develop a habit for this drug. You should also know it can develop tolerance and so you will then need to start increasing your does. Use it like it is supposed to be used as a treatment for IBS and not recreationally for you pleasure and you will have no problem.

    Finally I’d like to conclude by saying that if I didn’t have God in my life I probably would have given up long ago. Now I have my life back and am free from IBS-D. God always gave me hope so never give up the search for treatment and treatment starts with knowledge of your condition. So don’t make the mistakes I made and loose ten years of your life before realising that we are all human and we all have breaking points. If you have gone past that breaking point your body will tell you one way or another so listen to your body.

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    Source by Jordan James Sinclair

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