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Tag: Anguish

Even Though Your Wounds Are Not Your Fault, Your Healing Is Still Your Responsibility

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Pain is inevitable throughout life although to carry it unnecessarily fuels suffering. Even though our wounds are not our fault, our healing remains within our control. You’re no doubt reading this since you identified with the title, perhaps your own wounds or someone close to you has been hurt? Healing is a difficult and yet liberating journey of self-discovery. Forgiveness teaches us self-resiliency and self-reliance. It awakens us to a greater love and peace that resides within us.

It is why I am drawn to the words of the spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle who wrote on his Instagram account recently: “If you cannot accept what is outside, then accept what is inside. If you cannot accept the external condition, accept the internal condition. This means: Do not resist the pain. Allow it to be there. Surrender to the grief, despair, fear, loneliness, or whatever form the suffering takes. Witness it without labelling it mentally. Embrace it. Then see how the miracle of surrender transmutes deep suffering into deep peace. This is your crucifixion. Let it become your resurrection and ascension.” Tolle reminds us not to resist our pain but surrender to it in order to transform our suffering. I realise this advice goes against what people want to hear. I equate it to running towards a lion instead of fleeing for your life. Nevertheless, by facing our fears we allow pain to move through us and realise pain is not who we really are; it is an emotional state we have held on to and kept alive.

Beyond our pain lies an ever expansive love which at its essence is our true nature. Even though our wounds may not be our fault, our healing remains our responsibility. To heal means to accept what happened to us and discover our true selves through the healing process. Let me be very clear: acceptance does not mean we like what took place. It simply means to acknowledge the events and work towards healing ourselves of the pain associated with it. People might say: “I wish the event never occurred because I wouldn’t have to deal with the anguish, let alone the long road to recovery.” Whilst that may be true, if we believe everything happens for a reason, what if our pain is there to teach us self-compassion and forgiveness? Perhaps the lesson is not so much about the transgression that took place but how we love and nurture ourselves when we are wounded. How do you feel about this? I know it may be difficult to accept especially if your wounds are fresh. Let it sit for a while and try to see your situation through the lens of love and healing.

Dr. Mario Martinez, a clinical neuropsychologist, writes in The Mindbody Code: How To Change The Beliefs That Limit Your Health, Longevity, And Success that “When you’re wounded, especially by significant people in your life, your empowerment is challenged, and your worthiness is called into question. The vulnerability your loss of empowerment creates within you allows the wound to damage your worthiness.” To reclaim our empowerment and worthiness once more, we must cross the threshold of pain and let go of our hurt and anguish. It’s essential you understand, I am not inviting you to forget, but to forgive yourself for being caught up what took place. Through the healing process, we restore any sense of shame, guilt and anger we inherited as a result of our wounds. Dr. Martinez further explains, instead of trying to forgive the perpetrator or minimise the events of the past, we should focus on re-establishing our sense of self which is more important: “Rather than forgiving the perpetrator or minimizing the intensity of the misdeed, you recover the empowerment and self-worthiness you thought had been taken from you.”

What are your thoughts by now? Are you willing to take ownership of the past in the way you process it? There is rarely ever a right way to heal our wounds. Though, it requires courage to appreciate that our emotional wounds are not permanent and exist to awaken us to the loving presence within us. This presence can never be taken away or deprived through physical or nonphysical acts because at its essence, this is the foundation of who we are. As a result, we lean into this oneness of love, knowing like a net which supports a trapeze artist should they fall, we will be guided through our healing journey. Our priority is to nurture ourselves foremost through the eyes of kindness and compassion however painful our wounds may be. After all, the love within us is far greater than our wounds because it is the greatest purifier and healer there is.

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Source by Tony Fahkry

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July 21, 2022
Healing Grief’s Mental, Emotional, Physical Anguish, Pain And Suffering

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Mental anguish can detour your healing journey indefinitely.

Emotional pain may darken your hope.

Physical suffering may well obstruct your healing progression.

All three – mental, emotional, and physical miseries – often accompany an unwanted grief happening. They lead toward lack of clarity and uncertainty in your thinking about how to stop grieving and start a healing process. All three highlight your fear and doubt of overcoming your sorrow and loss. It is essential you take important steps to transform your grief and loss into healing hope. The “HOW” is a vital answer you must seek.

“If I could tell the world just one thing

it would be we’re all okay,

and not to worry cause worry is wasteful

and useless in times like these.

I won’t be made useless.

I won’t be idle with despair,

I will gather myself around my faith.

Light does the darkness most fear.”

~ Jewel

The faith to heal at the time of your darkest hour is needed to move past your fear. Recognizing that impossibilities are so often temporary is essential.

“Things are only impossible until they’re not.”

~ Jean-Luc Picard, character in STAR TREK: The Next Generation

Let’s examine together beneficial solutions that provide ways you can overcome and erase fear and vagueness and meet head-on the mental anguish, emotional pain, and physical suffering caused by your grief experience. There are five solutions you should consider:

1- Don’t Give Up Your Power

“The most common way people give up their power is by thinking they don’t have any.”

~ Alice Walker

At all cost don’t let your unique circumstance rule your emotions and hope. Take charge and rule your life from within. Your hope is a powerful empowerment. Search deep within for all the mental, emotional, and physical muscle you have. You do have your own power beyond what you temporarily believed you had when your awful grief resulted.

“Greatness is not in where we stand,

but in what direction we are moving.

We must sail sometimes with the wind

and sometimes against it –

but sail we must,

and not drift, nor lie at anchor.”

~ Oliver Wendell Holmes, Jr.

You must focus your attention and hold a healing effort course with a relentless commitment to weather the storm of your grief, loss and sorrow.

“No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore, you have the power to change anything

about yourself or your life that you want to change.”

~ Barbara De Angelis

Seek your individual and unique power. You have more control than you think.

2- Stand Up To Your Obstacles

“Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they haven’t half the strength you think they have.”

~ Norman Vincent Peale

Fear and discouragement can be left in the dust if you use your greatest weapon; action is your greatest weapon. Fear and hesitation must not be allowed to molder and mildew for it grows by itself. Because of your personal grief experience you may feel you have run into a thick insurmountable wall. Don’t be submissive and give up without a fight. Determine how to go through it, or climb over it, or figure out how to work around it. Begin today.

3- Don’t Give In Until The Cows Crow

Take a firm personal stand and follow Jonathan Huie’s suggestion:

“I won’t give up ’til goats sing and walruses fly.”

Think about it: You are the only one who can make yourself give up.

“Circumstances don’t defeat you – you defeat yourself when you give up.” ~ Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Many give up about the time success is in the near future. They give up too quickly at the last ten seconds of the game one basket away from winning the game. Perhaps you will need to modify your efforts and the way you approach your target; keep your eyes on your goal to reconcile your grief condition and don’t quit. Keep pondering and seeking for solutions that fit your unique grief and sorrow.

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems you cannot hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time the tide will turn.”

~ Harriet Beecher Stowe

Don’t let a temporary defeat condition last longer than it should. Giving up makes your grieving misery permanent. You’re not a product of your condition or circumstance but of the personal decisions you make. Draw deeply from the heart of your grief and loss suffering – for your sorrowful experience may be the means of personal inspiration, strength and survival.

4- Expect Hope

“Expect to have hope rekindled.

Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways.

The dry seasons in life do not last.

The spring rains will come again.”

~ Sarah Ban Breathnach

Always look for hope. It is a mistake to let grief cloud and obliterate the whole blue sky of hope. Hope or the lack of optimism is purely a function of one’s attitude.

“Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass… It’s about learning how to dance in the rain.”

~ Vivian Greene

Life happens. Waiting for the grief storm in your life to pass is a mistake. Learning to dance with hope in your heart is vital to healing.

5- Gather Your Strength

The storms of life give you opportunity to learn. The grief storms of life provide another day – another way to learn a lesson for fighting the current challenge you face and the next battle.

“When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one that has been opened for us.”

~ Helen Keller

Looking at closed doors stops you from seeing the open doors of healing possibilities and opportunities. Look for your unique personal door of strength. Walk through this door before it closes. Deep within is grit and fortitude untapped until you need it.

“Look well into thyself; there is a source of strength

which will always spring up if thou wilt always look there.”

~ Marcus Aurelius

Gather solutions for the strength needed for your unique grief healing challenge. You Can! Believe this is so!

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Source by Duane Marchant

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July 20, 2022
Assuaging Plight Of The Poor In This Perilous Time By Okechukwu Nwanguma

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Rule of Law and Accountability Advocacy Centre has been monitoring and receiving information on public compliance with the Federal Government ordered lockdown in Abuja, Lagos and Ogun states, which contain measures to contain the ravaging Covid-19 pandemic.

Our monitoring of the compliance with the lockdown and stay-at-home orders in Lagos, Abuja and few other states indicate that most people are finding it difficult to effectively comply for various reasons.

First, there are those, who still don’t believe that Covid-19 is a real life-threatening pandemic and that precautionary measures such as social distancing, personal hygiene and other outlined measures can prevent its infection and spread.

In fact some have been made to believe that the lockdown is a deception by government to achieve other ulterior motives. Those, who promote this narrative are mainly the apocalyptic Pentecostal ‘Men of God’, who push arguments linking Covid-19 to 5G mobile technology, which they argue is a part of the biblically ordained designs of the Anti-Christ.

Second, some Nigerians are simply lawless or lack discipline, just like when passengers are asked to switch off their phones prior to flight take off and you still find some people, seemingly ladies and gentlemen, fiddling with their phones.

To illustrate, a relative of mine called me yesterday to complain that he was arrested by the police somewhere in Lagos when he drove out to buy pap for his baby. I asked him whether he knew about the lockdown order and whether there was nowhere around his neighbourhood he could walk down to buy the pap. He said ‘but other vehicles are on the road’. I told him that he had broken the law as much as those other people. Everybody may not be arrested at once.

He wanted me to talk to the police officers, who arrested him and ordered him to drive to their station. I asked him what he wanted me to tell them.

Third, and most significantly, there are yet others, who are forced out of their homes by want and hunger. They can’t stand the site of their tender children crying for hunger.

As I said elsewhere, majority of the population fall within the poor and vulnerable category. Usually, many feed themselves and their dependents on their daily earnings. They live from hand to mouth.

Under the prevailing difficult and uncertain situation, many families and individuals are already suffering and starving, just one week into the lockdown, with one more week left to go, with the probability of an extension.

The Federal Government’s Social Intervention Policy, the so-called conditional cash transfer is not yet addressing mass poverty, deprivation and hunger. The billions, which government announced that it has released and made available for conditional cash transfer to the poor and vulnerable in communities are not reaching the targets. There are still cries of woe and anguish in most communities.

We have seen videos of caricature of the ‘social intervention’, of food items shared to some communities. In one video, we saw a street in Lagos of over 30 families, who said they were given two loaves of bread and few cups of rice and garri and few condiments (tomato paste sachets) to share. And we see members of the community lamenting and asking how a whole street of over 30 families could be given such quantity of food items not enough to serve one family for two days to share!

Corruption has become our national culture. A seemingly intractable challenge to our progress and development. Most of our politicians and public office holders are unscrupulously avaricious.

Given our past experiences where public funds meant for and released to assuage the sufferings of poor and vulnerable communities were either unconscionably used to ‘cut grasses’ or inexplicably got ‘swallowed by snakes’, we call for transparent and community-based approaches to the management and disbursement of social intervention funds.

Considering complaints by many local communities about not benefiting from the released billions of naira announced and meant to alleviate poverty and hardship, especially during this difficult and uncertain period, we call for a transparent and effective investigation of the management of the funds so far allocated. Efforts must be put in place to ensure that the funds are not diverted as usual.

Independent community committees must receive these funds and be charged with identifying those in their midst, who qualify to benefit.

The management of the funds should be monitored by a multi-stakeholder committee including government and community representatives as well as credible media and civil society representatives.

Government must put effective measures in place to check corrupt public officials, who want to steal or divert funds meant to relieve the sufferings of the poor and vulnerable people in this perilous times.

This is the only way to help the people comply with the law and stay at home for now!

Finally, since government has been announcing huge numbers of beneficiaries of cash transfer program running into millions and claiming to have paid billions, can the government make the system transparent by publishing the names and addresses of the beneficiaries on an electronic portal so that Nigerians can do the verification?

Okechukwu Nwanguma is the Executive Director of Rule of Law and Accountability Advocacy Centre

Opinion

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http://saharareporters.com/2020/04/08/assuaging-plight-poor-perilous-time-okechukwu-nwanguma

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April 9, 2020
Waking the Tiger, Healing Trauma, by Peter A, Levine

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Many people who have suffered tremendous emotional trauma (for example, the recently bereaved, people in war-torn countries, those who have been tortured or sexually molested) or physical hurt (e.g. severe neglect, debilitating injuries) recover entirely or near completely from their tragedy. However, others do not fare as well and continue to relive the same horrific experiences of morbid fear, anguish, and anxiety for a prolonged period of time. These latter groups of people have been traumatized by their bad experiences.

In their book, “Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma,” Levine and Frederick (1997), said that this is a result of bottled-up somatosensory symptoms emanating after trauma. There are three main ways people respond when faced with a traumatic experience, said Levine and Frederick (1997). They can fight (confront the situation), flee (get away from the situation), or freeze (be totally overwhelmed by the predicament to the point of immobility). Victims who apply a fight or flee solution to a traumatic experience fare better in dealing with trauma than people who freeze in response to shock (Levine & Frederick, 1997). This state of suspended animation and paralysis occurs unconsciously and involuntarily. During this state of freeze, the victim has no way of going through all the typical reactions associated with traumatic events (Levine & Frederick, 1997). Because they are not adequately discharged by the victim, the trapped emotions wreak havoc on the traumatized individual.

The solution to trauma is, therefore, to guide the victim along a path (Experiential Sensation-FELT SENSE) that allows them to perceive and release those trapped emotions (Levine & Frederick, 1997). This approach to healing trauma was garnered by learning how animals recover from traumatic experience (Levine & Frederick 1997). Confronting trauma, said Levine and Frederick (1997), should be mostly on an emotional, limbic brain level, and not solely on the rational, executive brain level.

Levine and Frederick’s trauma theory is also supported in some ways by the polyvagal theory, which suggests that trauma has a somatic experiential component. If, as indicated by the polyvagal theory and by the Levine and Frederick (1997) theory, that trauma has strong emotional roots, one can apply elements of relationship models such as the DIR model in addressing trauma. After determining the victim’s functional emotional development capacity level, a DIR practitioner can begin to appeal, build and strengthen discovered areas of weaknesses, thus allowing the victim to escape the shackling phenomena of a past traumatic event. Calming the traumatized individual is a tool in the DIR toolbox with which to regulate traumatized individuals. A calmed mind creates an opportunity for further regulation of emotions and understanding of deep-rooted feelings, all of which are needed for trauma victims to extricate themselves from the shackles of the past and begin to attain new heights of functional capacity.

Other applicable trauma theories include the NARM model, which, focusing on the mind, suggests that trauma is associated with a maladaptation in the victim’s attachment history. The PTSD model suggests that trauma victims are applying to their current problems solutions which had worked and were appropriate in the past.

In my opinion, while attachment and trauma appear as opposite ends of the same emotional realm, it is apparent that whereas attachment is mostly positive, except, for example, in cases of extreme attachment/dependency, trauma is almost always negative, at least until it resolves. Treatment of trauma requires a dedicated practitioner, who is ready to learn from their victims and understand their challenges in order to develop an appropriate management strategy.

Recognizing the signs and symptoms of trauma, making timely referrals to a trauma specialist, and integrating several of the modalities mentioned would likely give the best result in the management of traumatized children and adults.

Reference

Levine, P. A., & Frederick, A. (1997). Waking the tiger: Healing trauma: The innate capacity to transform overwhelming experiences. Berkeley, CA: North Atlantic Books.

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Source by Anselm Anyoha

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October 8, 2019