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Tag: Angry

  • I’m Angry That He Won’t Marry Me And This Is Hurting Our Relationship: Tips That Might Help

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    I sometimes hear from women who, after a set amount of time, begin to feel a little annoyance, frustration, anger, or resentment that they are not getting engaged or married. And, as time goes by these negative feelings build so that it begins to hurt the relationship. The great irony of all of this is that this whole process can actually make a marriage or engagement less likely so that it is a vicious cycle.

    I heard from a woman who said: “I’ve been with my boyfriend for five years. I hate calling him that, my boyfriend. We’re in our late twenties and that’s too old to be calling someone your boyfriend. At this point, we have lived together for two and a half years. He knows that I want to get married, but he’s dragging his feet. We own our apartment together, but other than this, there’s nothing legally binding us together. I worry that if something happened to either of us, the other wouldn’t have any legal standing to make decisions. I’m angry that he has put me in this position. I feel like he thinks that I’m good enough to live with but not good enough to marry. And I find myself short tempered and sarcastic with him because of my anger. At this rate, I feel like this whole process is going to hurt our relationship. I can’t seem to control my feelings. And I feel that I have a right to be angry. What can I do?” I will try to address these concerns in the following article.

    Understand That If Left Unchecked, This Cycle Really Can Harm Or Even Destroy Your Relationship: Many couples get caught in this cycle and they just sort of become so used to it that they start to envision that it is always going to be this way. They figure that no one is going to blink first so that they will sort of always be at a stand still, waiting to see who is going to make the first move. That’s why they often don’t even see the end of their relationship coming. This cycle has ended many relationships precisely because people begin to believe that nothing is ever going to change. And eventually, one or both of the parties decides that they just don’t want to live this way anymore.

    Consider Agreeing To Shelf The Issue And Then To Come Back To It At An Agreed Upon Time: Here’s what you have to understand. It’s possible that eventually, this issue will become a central problem in your relationship. And, when this happens, the whole dynamics of your relationship changes and this change is not for the better. It seems as if everything always come back to this one thing and you can’t seem to regain your footing or to move forward.

    It’s my experience and observation that it is better for you to put this issue on the shelf, for just a little while, if you find that it is deteriorating your relationship. Sometimes, when I explain this to folks, they think that I am telling them to give up or to just accept that he doesn’t want to marry you. This isn’t what I am implying at all. I am only saying that if you agree to shelf it and then to reevaluate, you gain a couple of things. First, you limit the damage to your relationship. In order for him to commit to you, he needs to have the peace of mind that the relationship is worthy of that commitment. The chances of this happening are less if you just can’t move past your differences of opinion on this topic.

    Second, if you can get him to agree to revisit this topic later, then he’s committed to thinking very seriously about committing at a later point in time. As far as I’m concerned, that is a huge gain and big bonus. Because as of right now, you don’t have that. And when you shelf the issue, you place your focus back on your relationship. The tension wanes and things can be good between you again. This way, when you two do discuss this again at that set time, your relationship will hopefully have recovered to the point where he is comfortable committing. If he is not, then it may be time to dig a little deeper to determine why he isn’t comfortable committing.

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    Source by Mari Deene

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  • Transforming Negative Emotions Into Positive Feelings and Actions Part 2

    Transforming Negative Emotions Into Positive Feelings and Actions Part 2

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    Techniques to Release, Overcome and Transform

    1.) Observe yourself having the emotion. Just become aware and watch yourself in the process. This de-fuses it and frees you from an emotional strangle-hold and escalation. It takes will and strong desire to do this and becomes easier with practice.

    2.) Choose an image, a personal symbol, to place in your mind to stop self as soon as you recognize a negative emotion happening. For example, a stop sign, 10 deep breaths, a Danger sign or whatever means ‘stop” to you.

    3.) Consciously lift and move your energy from your solar plexus (stomach) area to your heart. The emotional charge is in the stomach and when you relocate your focus to the heart, you calm down and can see what is best. You’ll become harmless to yourself and others as your center of love is activated and replaces the negative feeling. A better decision can then be made.

    Release the Emotion (A present Feeling or one from the past):

    1.) Stomp, pound a pillow, yell, run, cry; release the emotion from the body.

    2.) Image a shower of light pouring down on you and washing the painful emotion away.

    3.) Pull the plug on the emotion. Image it as a color going down a drain.

    4.) Journal, write your feelings down.

    5.) Art Therapy. Do a simple technique that releases the emotion by taking a sheet of paper and using crayons, markers or pastels to draw/scribble your feelings on the paper. Get them out on the paper; release them. Turn the paper and see this situation differently. Now, draw. A new perspective can harmonize the emotion you’re releasing.

    6.) We release emotions with intention to be rid of them, not to fuel the fire for more. Be sure to release with the desire to be free of them.

    Transforming Negative Emotions:

    1.) Change your energy field. Close your eyes and imagine the emotion as energy around you. What does it look like, what color, shape, form etc. does it take? Now allow it to change and smooth out, becoming transformed, harmonized, peaceful. What does it look and feel like now?

    2.) Change your perspective on the situation. Re-frame it in a way that’s positive/productive for you. Ask yourself, how this situation can help you. What is good about it? How are you growing from it? A positive attitude about something can help resolve it for you, even if it’s a difficult situation. A new mindset can change everything.

    3.) Ask self what the lesson you are learning from this situation is. Knowing the lesson helps transform the negative feeling and take on the mastery of the lesson you are in the process of learning.

    4.) Put a new and positive picture in your mind about the situation that is causing the hurtful emotion. Instead of dwelling on the painful scenario or the trauma incident or being yelled at or treated disrespectfully, replace it with one of yourself healed, happy, successful, determined to move on etc. Whatever feels great and counters the old feeling. Keep the new picture in place whenever the old feeling comes up. The mind and body respond quickly to pictures, so this will shift you fast.

    5.) Inner Listening. Get very quiet and go into the silence within. Allow your inner guide to bring you new insights, wisdom and solutions for healing and transformation.

    6.) Forgiveness means letting go. It doesn’t condone bad behavior, but lets the pain go. You and others have the right to make mistakes and grow. Forgive self if needed and forgive others. This doesn’t mean that you will choose to stay connected with anyone who harms you. It means you let go of the painful movie, get the lesson and move forward. You stop the images and negative emotions from their endless control over you. Restore your self- esteem if you’ve acted poorly and wish the other person well if they have. To clean yourself completely, do a systematic of forgiveness for everyone in your life. You will be rejuvenated. Forgive; let go and say goodbye to these emotions.

    7.) Change a gripe to a goal. If you regularly complain and feel negatively about something or someone, set a goal for yourself and be determined to accomplish it. For example, if you are jealous of someone who has a degree in art; stop it and find a way to get one for yourself. If you are short of money and angry at others who have it, stop it and chart your path, make a plan to increase your income. Things happen first in the mind, so begin to visualize yourself having what you want already now. Feel the joy of it and for 5 minutes several times a day, sit quietly and feel the emotions you would have if it were yours now. Soon you begin to believe you have it. In the Biology of belief, Bruce Lipton offers scientific proof that we get what we believe.

    8.) Thoughts and emotions are intimately connected in fact, inseparable. One leads to the other. What repetitive thoughts do you have that are hurting you? Are you taking charge of your negative thoughts and transforming them? Think the opposite of your negative thought as soon as you catch yourself having it. Correct yourself on a daily basis; over and over. Repetition of the new corrected thought forges a new brain pathway and pattern. Strong intention and follow through is necessary.

    Don’t let your mind wander all day without direction or self-monitoring. You can change your mind at any moment into a more positive state. Letting your thoughts run wild will take away your peace. Take charge of yourself and choose thoughts that will help you.

    9.) What belief about yourself do you want to change? Finances, relationships, self-concept, accomplishment of a specific goal; health, personal qualities etc. Beliefs that limit and cause pain keep your emotions at a painful level, and only you can change that.

    Taking Positive New Action

    1) Set clear boundaries. You decide what you will and won’t accept from people and act on it.

    2) Practice assertive communication with others. Tell them how you feel without blame or judgment; just how you feel. Stand up for self if needed.

    3) Be creative. Create something positive from your experience.

    For example, women who have been abused have set up women’s shelters around the country. People who grew up hungry have started programs to feed poor children.

    All of these techniques work. Practice and practice and you will see yourself and your life become fulfilled and beautiful. Be very patient with yourself, as this is hard work and takes a lot of self- control, intention and discipline. It’s a progressive unfolding of the highest part of self. Over time we blossom!

    Steps in Review:

    1.) Stop and control self.

    2.) Release the emotion

    3.) Transform the emotion

    4.) Take positive new action

    5.) Replace negative emotional reactions with spiritual actions and personal spiritual qualities.

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    Source by Carole Cravath

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