Category: Lifestyle

  • Boost Your Style Through Self-Confidence

    Boost Your Style Through Self-Confidence

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    Did you know that how you feel can impact what you wear? And did you know that confidence and clothes are connected? When you feel good on the inside it shows on the outside. And when you are not feeling a high level of self-confidence that can also show up on the outside.

    Your self-confidence can give your style strength. And that strength can cause things like, you to attract the right type of people in your life, you receiving a promotion on your job, you feeling successful, you feeling happier, and you feeling powerful. Interesting, isn’t it? Our confidence and our style play a huge role in our lives.

    You deserve to feel your best and look your best at all times. And that doesn’t mean you have to go out and spend a lot of money. It can simply mean boosting your confidence and “rocking” what you’ve got. Why? Because it’s more about what’s on the inside than what’s on the outside.

    And don’t be so preoccupied with what you are wearing. If you look good in it and feel good in it that’s all that matters. The truth is that regardless of what we wear we will never please everyone. Even the top models wearing the most expensive clothing face scrutiny. There are critical people everywhere. So you can’t live your life according to what others think or feel. You should live your life in alignment with your authenticity. And that includes your fashion personality. Your fashion statement is all about you and not others. So if you love color, print, and bold jewelry, then go for it!

    When you look in the mirror you should adore the person looking back at you. You should feel like that person is amazing, phenomenal, and fashionable. Don’t feel self-conscious about how you look, love yourself from the inside-out. And be confident in who you were born to be. Don’t focus on what you think is wrong with you, focus on all of the wonderful qualities you have. Those type of confidence boosters will help you shine bright. And true style is about being confident “in the skin you are in.”

    Your outer style is a reflection of your inner-image. So when you have a positive self-image you feel better and you can look better. Because what’s in your mind can show up on your body.

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    Source by Dr. Shauntel Peak-Jimenez, Ph.D

    Views: 0

  • Why Your Mindset Matters

    Why Your Mindset Matters

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    Why does your mindset matter? Your mindset only matters if you want to have a better life. What matters to you?

    Do Things Happen to You, or do You Happen to Things?

    When life happens to you, you are existing. When you happen to life, you are living. Don't let people, circumstances, or environment keep you from living your dreams. Go out and make it happen, you will be glad you did.

    Focus on It

    Do you envision your success? Do you clear your mind of all distractions before you engage your mind? Filter out distractions, negative self-talk, and envision a time in the past when you experienced success. Think about the way this achievement made you feel. Focus your energy on the positive What you focus on-you find.

    Are you Sitting on the Sidelines, or Getting in the Game?

    Do you spend time wishing, or thinking about what you want or are you actively engaged in pursuing it? Don't waste precious time in your life measuring others achievements. If you spend any time on social media, be aware of this mind trap. If you must peruse others success, think about how they got there, and make a plan to replicate this success in your life. Take action.

    Do you Settle for the Status Quo, or are you Pushing your Limits?

    Is life ok, just good enough? Do you wish you had pushed a little harder to reach your goal? If you have a pulse, get busy! There is always time today to break the status quo in your life.

    Are you Continuing to Learn From the World?

    Keep learning new things even if the things you learn don't fit into your overall plan. If you continue to be a student for life, the knowledge will enable you to continue to grow in surprising ways. Expand your world.

    Are you practicing Blame Displacement?

    Sometimes in life, people blame circumstances, other people or things for the reason they did not get what they wanted in life. This habit goes by many names, but I like to call it "blame displacement." The tendency to blame others for events that do, or don't happen in life. Don't be a victim of blame displacement, look back at what you could have done differently, learn from the experience, then move on.

    Do you learn from failure?

    Famous people like Thomas Edison and Albert Einstein have said they learned the most from their failures. Look at your failures and take the information to be better next time. Just make sure there is a next time. Move forward and improve.

    Fear

    Is the fear of failure keeping you from what you want? The following are two different ways to handle the fear of failure:

    1-Think of the fear you are harboring, then imagine the worst possible scenario that could happen if you take action. Ask yourself, "what's the worst that could happen?" If you can live with this-take action.

    2-Fear is a future based emotion. It never takes place in the present. If you feel the fear use it as your rocket fuel to propel you into your goals-take action.

    Don't let fear, lack of focus, others or your environment keep you from your dreams. If you envision your success and believe in yourself and you will be well on your way to achieve your goals.The law of nature wills that what you believe, you can achieve, and receive in life.

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    Source by Nan L Hruby

    Views: 0

  • My Separated Husband Says I’m Smothering Him And I’m Not Sure How To Stop

    My Separated Husband Says I’m Smothering Him And I’m Not Sure How To Stop

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    As a wife who has been very reluctantly separated, I would argue that there is a natural and undeniable inclination to cling tightly to what you are afraid of losing. And when you are a wife who does not want to lose your marriage or your husband, then it’s very natural to cling a little more tightly. In some instances and with some husbands, this doesn’t matter. Some husbands do not mind the clinging.

    But when you are dealing with a husband who was demanding space and who seems to be distancing himself from his wife, it can matter – quite a bit, in fact. Many husbands push back against this type of clinging and distance themselves even more. They may use phrases like: “smothering,” “holding on too tight,” or “coming on too strong.”

    The wives hear what the husband is saying, but they also point out that their husband is expecting something that just isn’t natural. She might say: “last night, my husband told me something that I never ever expected him to say. He told me that I was smothering him. We have been separated for about three weeks – at his insistence. If I had my way, he would still be living at home. But as it is, he is staying with a male friend. He has been restless and unhappy for months. He finally told me that he needed some time away from our marriage. I immediately panicked and assumed that he wanted a divorce. He swore that he didn’t. But I am still not sure that I believe him. I just don’t understand why a middle aged man should need space from his marriage unless he is planning to end the marriage or break his vows. And that is why I feel that I need to be in touch with him every day and know what he is doing. But when I try to do this, he tells me that I am “smothering” him. I believe his exact words were something like: ‘I felt like I was being smothered at home and now I feel like I can’t escape even now that I am here. You have got to stop smothering me. I have got to be my own person.’ It’s almost like he is accusing me of acting like his parent – and I absolutely am not. I just care about him and I think that I have the right to know what is going on with him and with my marriage. I don’t think that our talking a couple of times per day is too much to ask. I don’t call that ‘smothering.’ Do you?”

    I am going to be honest because I honestly want to help you. And I want to help you because I have been in your shoes and, because I made so many similar mistakes that almost costs me my marriage, I learned a hard truth. And it is this: It really doesn’t matter if you or I wouldn’t call checking in “smothering.” Because if he perceives it as such, then he is going to react to that perception. And his reaction may be detrimental to what you really want. And isn’t that all that matters?

    Understand That Ideal End Game: I suspect that you what you really want is both for him to come back and for him to come back willingly – and not with his tail between his legs because you have worn him down. Believe me, I understand the strategy. I never consciously thought about it. But looking back now, I think I figured that if I could bug my husband enough or remind him of our marriage enough, he’d eventually get sick of the back and forth and come back home.

    Instead, he distanced himself from me even more. We’ve reconciled now. But he’s confided in me that there were times when he considered divorce because he felt that might be necessary to “escape” my constant contact.

    I’m not here to debate whether or not my husband legitimately needed space from me. He and I will probably never agree on that. But what does matter is that he thought that he did. And frankly, that is all that matters. Because these thoughts formed his actions. Whether his thinking was faulty or not, he was going to act on it. And this thought process made a huge difference in what happened in our marriage.

    I know that we wives like to think that if we just do or say the right thing, he will change his mind and not want space from us anymore. But frankly, this isn’t as likely as him just getting frustrated that you are not listening.

    If What You’ve Done Isn’t Working, Consider Trying Something New: For me, the better call was backing away. I tried initially just telling my husband that I was going to let him call me next time. This did work – some, at least. But there were times when he would not call and I would panic and then come on too strong. So I took some time off by putting literal miles between us by returning to my hometown for a while. This forced me to back away – because I didn’t have much of a choice.

    This didn’t feel ideal at the time. Honestly, it felt like giving up at that particular moment in time. But it did eventually make a positive difference. Eventually, my husband started reaching out to me. And as this started to work, I didn’t have to force myself quite as much anymore. I literally saw that it was working, so the struggle became much less because finally I was starting to see the tide turn. For this reason, I was more than willing to go along because I knew it was the better alternative.

    I am not suggesting that you need to do the same thing. That may not work for you. But I am suggesting that you ask yourself if backing away – even for just a little while – might be worth a try. You can always reverse course if it doesn’t work for you. But once you know for sure that what you’re doing isn’t working – and once your husband has literally told you in harsh words that he’s getting frustrated – then these are both good indications that you may want to change course, even if only for a little while. At the very least, maybe try a form of communication that he doesn’t find “smothering.” You may not technically be smothering, but if he thinks you are, then that is what matters.

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    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0

  • How Should The Other Woman Proceed When The Wife Finds Out About The Affair?

    How Should The Other Woman Proceed When The Wife Finds Out About The Affair?

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    I sometimes hear from women who have been cheating with someone who is married. Some of the time, they truly believed that in due time, the man’s marriage was going to come to a natural and mutual end so that the two of them could be together. They wanted to believe that the marriage had grown stale so that both people would mutually agree to end the marriage. Once this happens, then that would free up the husband to pursue a new relationship.

    As we all know, this isn’t usually the way that it happens. Usually, the wife finds out about the affair and the marriage does not just end by both people mutually agreeing to it in a healthy way. The wife is usually hurt and angry and, believe it or not, the husband usually panics and immediately chases after his wife, suddenly afraid that he’s going to lose his family.

    Understandably, this can leave the other woman confused. This isn’t how things were presented to her. And where is she in all of this? You can see how she would feel left out in the cold and unsure about how to proceed. She might say: “I feel stupid admitting that I honestly thought I was going to live happily ever after with the man that I was dating. I knew that he was married, but he presented it to me like he was working on untangling himself from that. Still, he was always careful that his wife would not find out. But she did. And I was shocked when he immediately told me that he could not see me anymore and begged me not to make this harder than it already was. I’m very shocked by this. And I feel set aside and hurt. Now this guy and his wife are scrambling to save their family, but what about me? I feel like I need to do something. I feel like I am left out in the cold of all of this. I am tempted to try to contact his wife and plead my case. I want her to know that the husband represented to me that their marriage was over. I want for her to have all of the information so that she doesn’t think that her husband is loyal to her. And I want to see the other man and plead my case also. After all that we have been through, it is annoying that he is just going to walk away. What should I do right now?”

    Honestly, I am not sure that you are going to like my answer but it is heartfelt and is what I honestly feel and believe. I will admit that I have been the wife in this situation, but I’ve had friends in your situation and I hear from many on the other side of the equation. I can tell you that statistically, the husband and wife generally end up together. It may take a while. And there can definitely be some uncertainty, but statistics show us that it is much more likely for the husband to go back to his wife than to have a lasting relationship with the other person. You can check this for yourself, but that is what the statistics show. That is why I do not recommend that you reach out to either of them. It is only going to hurt, annoy, and frustrate everyone involved and the chances are high that it is not going to affect the outcome in the long run. You’ll only be causing pain to yourself, the husband, and the wife.

    I know that a big driving force for you right now is that you feel set aside and ignored. One reason for this is that it feels as if your course of action is set by someone else. Since the husband and wife have the marriage, they get to decide how things proceed, which can seem very unfair. So how do you get a sense of control back? By bowing out gracefully from this trio and focusing on yourself, your own well being, and your own happiness. Take control back of your own life. Ask yourself why you’d be vulnerable to settling for a man who couldn’t be solely yours. Fix your self esteem and then vow to only give your heart to men that are free to return your love and be yours alone. All women deserve nothing less. I know that this might not be what you wanted to hear, but I believe that it is the healthiest option. It gives you control of your life, it really is the right thing to do for all involved, and it doesn’t force you to go against the odds. Trying to hurt others usually ends up only hurting you. There’s more than enough hurt to go around right now, so you can never go wrong with focusing on your own healing instead.

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    Source by Katie Lersch

    Views: 0

  • Two Relationship Killers

    Two Relationship Killers

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    Consider a primary relationship in your life where you love someone and they love you. This could be an intimate partnership, a child-parent relationship or a very close friendship. Here are the two things to avoid, if you want to make sure love is present at all times.

    Relationship killer #1:

    Firstly, you should never expect that because someone loves you, they need to sacrifice themselves for you and put your needs first. We often mistakenly think that the degree to which someone suffers is a testimony for the amount of love they have for us. Likewise, we mistakenly believe that if someone puts their needs first, they don’t love us. But that is not true at all. If I refuse to sacrifice myself for you, it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. It simply means I am clear on what works for me and what doesn’t, and I don’t mess with my own needs. Please don’t take this personal. I love you nonetheless, but I certainly don’t have to suffer in order to prove my love for you. Besides, if you doubt it, chances are no matter how much I suffer, you will never believe me anyway. Get this: your partner having fun while you are in hardship doesn’t mean they don’t love you. The people who love you don’t owe you any suffering on their part whenever things are not working out for you. So don’t be jealous when your loved one is out with friends while you are working hard or cooking alone at home. No one needs to put their own life on hold only because yours is (even when they truly love you!). Of course, you can ask for support. That’s perfectly reasonable. But asking someone to sacrifice themselves and to suffer so you can feel loved – that is totally unreasonable. And it is a sure relationship killer.

    Relationship killer #2:

    The other way to kill a relationship is by trying to prove your love for someone by sacrificing your own needs and suffering as a consequence. See, whenever you suffer, there is no real love to speak of. If you were doing something for someone because you wanted to and because you loved them unconditionally, you wouldn’t be suffering. But if you sacrifice yourself out of obligation and/or guilt, the unconditional love is gone and you are likely to expect something in return. In other words, you try to manipulate someone into loving you back by doing things for them which they then have to repay you for. Sadly enough, you are playing a game thinking you can control someone else’s feelings and buy their love. Of course, the result is just the opposite – you are slowly but surely killing the relationship. So stop that immediately by starting to put yourself and your needs first. Find your own truth and start honoring it. Understand that you are allowed to have a good time without feeling guilty when your partner does not want to or cannot participate. Of course, you can support them when they are feeling low. But you don’t have to suffer with them or else you will become resentful and kill the relationship as a result.

    In conclusion:

    • Love should be free – no attachments, no suffering, no trading of favors, and no feelings of obligation and guilt.
    • Love should be independent – I love you and I put myself first; you love me and you put yourself first; we love each other and we honor our independent needs nonetheless.
    • Love should be by choice – I love you how I want to, not how I feel have to.

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    Source by Vyara Bridgeman

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  • Emotional Labour – Organisational Behaviour

    Emotional Labour – Organisational Behaviour

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    Abstract:

    Putting on a good show, keeping face, professionalism in customer treatment can all be examples of emotional labour. When in the workplace dealing with others whether they be colleagues or customers we tend to give a positive emotional response despite the negativity of the other person (customer complaint) or our own current mood state (sadness, irritability) known as emotional dissonance. In this paper we will explore the phenomenon of emotional labour and its effect on workers productivity and social relations. The general outcome being that the strain of that dissonance creates mental health problems in the workplace.

    Introduction:

    Emotional labour can be seen as the affect of the current mood of a worker whilst engaging in interactions with others – putting on a good face for example despite feeling emotionally uncomfortable. (1. Robins/Judge 2013) These emotions can be driven by organisational expectations of an employees behaviour towards customers, clients and co-workers in support of the business goals to profit. For example in the service industry, customer complaints should be handled with a polite professional smiling attitude so that the customer perceives that their complaints are receiving serious attention. Despite the fact the service provider (customer relations officer) maybe be in a personal bad mood, have life problems or employment concerns – all this is swept aside to provide the company’s public positive image to the customer. For the employee engaged in such activities the strain of appearing positive and enthusiastic may cause both physical and emotional strain often leading to further deterioration in mood after work and in between assignments. You could argue that a good deal of the time we are in fact faking our emotions (feelings) in front of and towards others to support social conventions for example being polite. If a customer’s complaint is unreasonable, they are showing anger, accusing the company or misleading them and selling shoddy products – the company service support worker must maintain control over their own emotions despite feeling that the customer is wrong and the complaint is unwarranted or even ridiculous they still have to maintain the company driven reaction to the customer with calm professionalism. (2. Myler – Case Studies 2018) Some companies make being happy at work almost mandatory – where staff entertain, create an atmosphere or encourage excitement over the product and its associated feelings of happiness. For example, theme park staff forced to smile all day – try it yourself – it is very stressful to keep a happy demeanor in the face of disgruntled visitors waiting hours in a queue for a five minute ride or the phone shop worker being asked to entertain the queue of waiting customers with hi-fives and silly games. (3. Grandey et.al. 2010) Many customers in fact reporting discomfort at being targeted for unwanted attention and interaction). Therefore there is a difference between felt emotions (what I am actually thinking and feeling) than with displayed emotions (what is expected of me). After an interaction the employee can feel both exhausted by the forced situation and emotionally angry at faking their feelings for the benefit of others. Many people who suffer from depression report that faking happiness is the biggest strain of the day.

    Culture and Emotional Labour

    Culture may impact on how someone sees emotional labour as the expectations of others in the light of social comparison. (4. Matsumoto etal. 2009) For example many American service jobs, such as retail staff, service providers and customer interaction workers all feel that a positive upbeat smiling enthusiastic person is a definite requirement for the companies image management. The monocor – have a nice day – often rings false in the ears of those who understand this is not a genuine sentiment but a practiced social grace. In other cultures such as Japan or Asia in general – forced politeness or deference to not displaying emotions may in fact cause particular strain on everyday life where displaced emotion can be seen in acts of violence and sexual deviance. The French tend to not display openness in dealing with customers but in fact a non-smiling or even impolite attitudes towards their clients. This can cause companies dealing in global markets problems with staff in having to adapt and understand policy in line with the cultural underlying expectations of behaviour.

    Mental Health

    Many psychologists, counsellors and others such as nurses encounter patients (clients) who maybe presenting mental health problems such as anxiety (worry about future events) or depression (living with the past) that report difficulties in the work place in faking their emotions towards both colleagues and customers – that they feel the strain of the day at home later through irritability, sexual indifference a lack of appetite and sleep. Keeping up appearances at work therefore effects the very quality of our lives both in and out of the work place. (5. Myler Case Studies 2018) Dealing with difficult people whether customers or colleagues leaves us feeling exhausted physically and mentally. In therapy the psychologist maybe searching for psycho-dynamic reasons for the negative feelings from past patterns of behaviour and often miss the power of the here and now effect of faking your feelings at work simply due to enforced company policies that require us to present an image of well- being and happiness that actually is not there. Treatment therefore should focus on workplace stress rather than personal history.

    Role Play & Emotional Labour:

    Of course we are schooled from an early age in how to act given certain social situations, for example being happy at a birthday party ( don’t spoil it for everyone) to look sad at the funeral (even when we did not even like the deceased). We have learned behavior for situational displays of affect. Have you ever been told off – criticised – looked at the person with a smile on your face – and they say, “what are you smiling at?” they think you are not taking them seriously enough, acknowledging their concerns – the truth maybe that we think their remarks are unwarranted and silly – however our learned correct response is to – look serious and be intently listening – while all the time inside feeling what an idiot this person is! In other words we are often asked to fake it – for the sake of the other persons feelings – this is often seen as high empathy when in fact it is more often just a learned reaction to a situational event. Emotional intelligence is seen a as a panacea for management effectiveness but maybe little more than learned responses to situations, rather than a genuine cognitive response to some event. In other words emotional intelligence maybe more pop psychology than a fact. Measurement for emotional understanding may reflect no more about the learned response to given situations we have come to understand through cultural, generational and traditional customs of our community or group behaviour. Psychometric tests for emotional intelligence may in fact be invalid and not robust enough to provide any useful measure of a persons feelings towards others but in fact reflect that learned behaviour – what should be the response not what I actually feel inside.

    Attributions Theory – Misunderstanding Others:

    Attribution theory ( 6. Heider – 1958) suggests that we attend to what we see more than what we know. In other words – we do in fact judge a book by its cover. So if we are busy faking our emotions so must everyone else? So how do we know that the mood being displayed to us is genuine or faked. We pride ourselves on being able to know others feeling by their facial expressions, there seemingly genuineness and authentic sounding responses. In fact much of the time we maybe reacting to the faked emotion rather than the real one. We are often surprised to hear someone committed suicide – we may say – they always seemed so positive and happy looking – but that is exactly what a mis-attribution is – the lack of skills to identify a real emotion from a faked one – we are actually quite good at emotional labour at work and so do we really know what anyone is actually feeling, as opposed to what they are displaying to us. So the helpful shop assistant may in fact be bored rigid at having to seem enthusiastic about a product she has already spoken about ten times that day already.

    In Summery:

    Emotional labour is a situation where the employee expresses the companies desired response to a given situation. Emotional dissonance are our feeling of confusion between our internal feelings and the face we put upon the situation given company policy towards others. Felt emotions therefore being what we actually feel as opposed to displayed emotion being the faked response to another person. Finally emotional intelligence being no more than learned responses to events as we behave given the situation we find ourselves in. The consequences of faked emotions can be strain leading to emotional exhaustion that has both physical and emotional outcomes for mental health and general well-being. Judging others may in fact lead to mis-attributions where we think the faked emotion is in fact the real feelings of the other party.

    To be honest, open and authentic would be real intimacy in our relationships but carries the high risk of rejection and misunderstandings.

    References:

    1. Robins S.P. Judge T.A. 2013 – Organizational Behavior 15Ed Pearson Publishing

    2. Myler S.F. 2018 – Myler Case Studies 2018/19 Unpublished

    3. Grandey A. et.al. 2010 – Work in the Global Services Economy – Journal of Service Management.

    4. Matsumoto D. 2009 – Culture & Emotional Expression – New York, Taylor & Francis publishing.

    5. Myler S. F. 2019 – Myler Case Studies 2019 Unpublished

    6. Heider F 1958 – Attribution Theory – Oxford Dictionary of Psychology 2001

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    Source by Stephen F. Myler

    Views: 0

  • Love As an Emotion

    Love As an Emotion

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    I am now talking to the male part of any relationship because the male is normally the leader in any relationship. So, men, what will happen if your love for your wife or girlfriend relied on your emotions, or on your feelings? Today, you could cherish her, caress her, care for her, hug and kiss her. Tomorrow, you might feel totally different. You might slap her around a bit, shout and scream at her, ignore her, deride her. Because that is exactly what feelings are all about. Emotions play games on your feelings all the time. And the game changes every day, every minute. Think now of how confusing for the poor lady you have as a girlfriend or wife. She wants your attention, she says she loves you and has chosen you to be her mate, friend, and husband, whatever. But she is afraid of you because you are so much stronger as her, and she knows at any time you could burst into one of your tirades with disastrous consequences for her. Maybe a broken nose, a black eye, cracked ribs. Men who do this to any woman should be ashamed of themselves.

    Real adult love is more than just a feeling. It means caring even when you do not feel like caring. It means spending time with your spouse when you prefer watching an important game on the telly. It also means nursing her when she feels ill and spending time with her when you prefer spending time with your friends. Love is taking responsibility for others and setting their needs and desires above yours. Love is also consistent with your feelings and it does not change every day. Love is not rude or harsh with your spouse, and respects her as the weaker member of your relationship.

    I guess what I really want to say about being in a relationship where emotions and feelings is the basis of your relationship, and then you need to think long and hard about this. To rely on feelings is immature and stupidity, you just cannot rely on it. Do you really want to have a relationship with this woman? Tomorrow you might prefer spending time with your friends. Or for that matter, some other woman. So, if you decide no, I do not want to spend so much time with this woman, and then tell her that so that she could understand where she stands. She might feel hurt now, but in the end, she will at least know where she stands with you. And both of you could move on with your lives.

    There are so many examples I can give on real love. But one thing I will say about this. Real love is taking responsibility of the opposite gender. Today you say you love her, but she will have the assurance that regardless of how you feel, tomorrow you would love just as much. Do not rely on your feelings of love for today, tomorrow it might be different.

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    Source by Rodney Evan Bentley

    Views: 0

  • The Marital Adjustment Deduction

    The Marital Adjustment Deduction

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    Marriage is a blessing, but it always comes with challenges. Money can be a touchy subject if you don’t see eye to eye about saving and spending, and if you’re in debt, things can get pretty stressful. If your debt has grown to the point where you’ve decided to file bankruptcy, you’ll need to work together as a team to make a new start. While most couples decide to file together, if the partners have significantly different incomes or debts, it may be best for just one person to file a Chapter 7. How you decide to file will determine which of your income and property will be included in the Means Test. In order to give you the best financial outcome and protect your assets, we’ll use the marital adjustment deduction.

    The Basics

    Filing bankruptcy isn’t just about discharging your debts; it’s also important to do everything possible to protect the property and assets you’ve worked so hard to acquire. When only one spouse files bankruptcy, we can deduct some of the non-filing spouse’s income that is used to cover his or her individual expenses. We can deduct their cell phone, club memberships, business expenses, and entertainment. Additionally, any debts that are in their name alone will not be included in your case. This could be student loans, credit cards, car loans, insurance, or a mortgage that is solely in their name. Child support for their own children who do not live with you, as well as alimony they pay, will not be included in your case.You can also split up expenses that you share, such as utilities or a joint mortgage, and deduct their portion. The goal of all of this is to lower the total income that we use for the Means Test, which could mean the difference between a Chapter 7 or Chapter 13.

    Squared Away Paperwork

    As you utilize the standard and marital adjustment deductions, you will provide documentation to the court so that they can easily review your case. Documents should be organized and clear, showing who is responsible for which debts and expenses, giving the court no reason to disallow any of our desired exemptions. There will be no cause for concerns that your case will be dismissed or the trustee would even suspect Bankruptcy Fraud.

    Finding an attorney who can help file all the paper work and know your case will take some of the stress out of filing and hopefully bring some joy back to your marriage.

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    Source by W. George Senft

    Views: 0

  • Free Online Dating: Tips and Advice

    Free Online Dating: Tips and Advice

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    Are you a real “newbie” to the world of free online dating? Do you find online dating foreign? Fret not, dear readers. Here are some online dating tips to assist you in enjoying the experience.

    Your Username

    Let’s start at the beginning. It’s great to choose a username that makes you stand out. Just remember, though, there is a big difference between being very clever and being so obscure your username goes right over the heads of potential partners.

    If someone is already using your first choice for a name, just let it go. Obviously, it wasn’t that clever after all. Avoid using provocative pen names. Not everyone has a sense of humor when it comes to online dating, especially if you are hoping to find a long-term relationship.

    Your Profile

    A profile that is carefully composed is essential to a successful online dating experience. The profile area is your space to present not only your biographical information but also other special personal information, pictures of yourself and some details of what you are seeking in terms of a date and/or potential mate. Don’t stress it though, because while you only get one chance to make a good first impression on a date, you get as many chances as you want on your free online dating profile. Get together with a friend or two when you’re ready to build your profile. They can help in choosing the best pictures.

    Your Photographs

    All your photographs should be under seven months old unless specifically designated otherwise. Your main photo should be a headshot. People should be able to see your eyes. In fact, there are free online dating sites that will suspend your photo posting privileges if your main photo does not show your eyes.

    You should also include at least one full body shot too. This way, when you do score a first date, there will no concern about how “different” you look in person. Don’t post too many pictures that include other people who might hide the real you or confuse others as to your dating status either.

    Keep all your profile photographs updated. Include supplemental photos of you enjoying your favorite pastime or perhaps pics from recent vacations. They can give you something to talk about.

    Your Headline

    Your headline should make a statement about you or maybe answer a basic question like: “What qualities am I looking for in a man/woman?” Again though, don’t be so clever; you may lose your “reader”.

    Your Description

    Your description should focus on three separate sections. The first concerns who you really are and some of the different things you enjoy doing. The second might be more about your personal habits or just about anything unusual or unique that makes you stand out from the crowd. The third one should discuss your current activities, books you have read and films you have seen recently.

    Additional Tips

    Finally, try to be brief. Share, but be careful you don’t share too much. Find a comfortable middle ground between letting them know something about you and removing all the mystery. Use spell check, too. You don’t want a profile that looks thrown together.

    To summarize these online dating tips, you want to give people an honest representation of yourself, both physically and mentally. Specify a few things that make you stand out. If you took time off to protest at Standing Rock or have a unique collection of some sort, include that. It will get people’s attention.

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    Source by Pete Nyandeh

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  • Am I Ordained To Marry?

    Am I Ordained To Marry?

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    One common question people ask us during counseling is whether they are ordained to marry or not. Few weeks ago, a sister walked up to me to ask if she was ordained to marry or not. I asked why she thought so. She said, her pastor taught them that it is written in Matthew 19:12 that some people were made to be eunuchs and therefore, not everyone is expected to marry. And now she was worried because of the series of disappointments she had experienced in her relationships. When I asked her whether they were equally taught how to differentiate between both groups she said that was why she came to ask me. I said she should have gone to her pastor to ask but she said she would not because they were more interested in how many souls they had won to Christ than their marital plans.

    Her vehement refusal to go to her pastor for counsel was a clear indication that she had gone through some elements of frustration. I don’t know how many people are in the same situation today. All I know is that someone will be free from this bondage today.

    Before I address the core issue, let me tell you that Christianity is a balanced relationship. The same God that says he that wins a soul is wise also says marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral, (Hebrew 13:4 NIV). The practice of holding back mature adults in church from marriage because you don’t want to lose them to other churches or distract them from actively engaging in church growth is unbalanced and unhealthy for the growth you desire. Marriage is an honor before God. It brings glory to God. Anyone that desires to marry should be encouraged before they begin to defy themselves right under your pulpit.

    My counsel is that while encouraging them to continue winning souls they should also be counseled on the right way to find the right kind of spouse and the right way to marry. Teach them to let their marriage become a plus to the church instead of minus. If you alone could chase one thousand souls, let you and your spouse join in marriage to chase after ten thousand souls.

    Matthew 19:12 says: ” For there are some eunuchs, who were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, who were made eunuchs of men; and there are eunuchs, who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it let him receive it.”

    The above scripture clearly defines the three categories of eunuchs. Our point of emphasis here shall be on those born eunuchs from their mothers’ womb. The other two are those forced into it and those that became so by their choice.

    When God created man in His image and likeness, He decreed that he should go into the world and multiply. That declaration is for you and me. The only approved way to achieve this multiplication is to marry legally and keep the matrimonial bed holy. You don’t need an angel to whisper into your ears that it is time to marry. The rules are there in the bible. That is not our focus for today anyway.

    Take example from Abraham, the father of faith. He didn’t need any prophecy to discern whether his son Isaac, needed a wife or not. All he needed was simple wisdom drawn from the Word of God. God told him during his call that through him the earth shall be populated with His new generation of children. He settled it in his mind to get a wife for Isaac to make that calling and purpose come to fruition. At the appointed time, he sent his servant, Eleazar to go to his kindred to get a wife for Isaac. You know the rest of the story in Genesis chapter twenty-four.

    God designed man with all the features required to perform all that He wants him to do on earth in the same way a manufacturer will not put his products in the market place without the inbuilt features to function. Signs of puberty, sexual emotions and strong attraction towards the opposite sex are some indicators that you are ordained to marry. When His due season is near, He begins to impress His desires in your spirit for onward transmission to these dormant sexual potentials in you and suddenly you will awaken to certain pressure in that direction. The bible says, ” it is God who works in us both to will and to do of his good pleasure”, Philippians 2:13. Marriage is one of the good things that bring pleasure to God. When you start feeling the urge or willingness to get married just know God has begun this good work in you. Anybody that has this urge or desire to marry is one of those God has ordained to marry. Period!

    To become a eunuch or to marry is your choice. God has given you the free will to decide it. He will not choose or impose any one on you. Apostle Paul chose not to marry because he wanted to use his life to serve God and not because God said he should not. His case should not become a doctrine to dissuade people from fulfilling God’s purpose for their lives. He even admonished anyone that is unable to bear it to marry instead of burning in lust. If you choose to live a life of celibacy or choose to marry as you have desired, God is pleased with you. Do not allow previous disappointments dissuade you or make you start thinking that it might be that you are among the chosen eunuchs. You are ordained! If things are not working well, find out what you have not been doing right, keep correcting and working on yourself so God can connect you with the right kind of spouse.

    However, it does not mean you should rush into anyone because God has willed it so for you. There is period to find the right kind of spouse and there is time for preparation. My stake here is to let you know that these signs put you in the category God has ordained to marry. You do belong to the group of those made eunuchs from their mother’s womb.

    Parents should watch out for these signs in their children and wards. When these signs begin to show up, it is a signal to parents to start preparing their children or wards for the next phase of their lives. Unfortunately, many parents and guardians around these children do not always prepare them on time, and sometimes they misdirect them through wrong information. We owe the upcoming generation this responsibility as guardians. Those who fail at this level of parenting always regret it because late stitches steal real good time.

    Those made eunuchs from their mother’s womb do not have and will never have the urge to get married because they do not have the features in them. I do not mean those incapacitated by sickness, diseases and infirmities like down syndromes, depression or paralysis. These are healthy and virile folks who are repugnant to the site of the opposite sex. They never have any amorous feelings towards the opposite sex even when they are both nude in a secret room.

    Whether we choose to marry, remain single or born incapacitated, it does not make us sinners or better before God. He loves all of us equally, but it will please Him to see us fulfill His desires for us. I have cleared the obstacles before you. The onus is now on you to decide what you want. Apostle Paul chose not to marry because it was his choice. Apostle Peter did not divorce his wife because of God’s work, yet God accepted them all. Decide your case by yourself.

    Remain Blessed!

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    Source by Christopher UI Ogholoh

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