Global Digital Store – Ebooks and Softwares

Category: Lifestyle

  • Wrong Reasons For Getting Married – (1) Marrying Out of Sympathy

    [ad_1]

    There are right and wrong reasons for getting married. The worst thing a person can do to oneself is to marry a wife or husband for the wrong reason. There are quite a number of wrong reasons why people marry. One of the wrong reasons and perhaps among the most prominent of the wrong reasons is marrying out of sympathy.

    There are many scenarios under this subheading of marrying out of sympathy that relationship coaches experience in the course of counseling and coaching. Some of the most common ones are when the woman gets pregnant as a result of premarital sex and getting married to a person just because one’s brother or sister jilted that person. Between these two extremes, are those who start relationships with girls who are being maltreated by those they serve. Some men get involved with the neighborhood maids or relations of their neighbors who are being maltreated. Women fall into this kind of challenge too.

    When sympathy forms the basis for a relationship with the opposite sex, it is like playing with a keg of gunpowder over a fireplace. Sympathy is a powerful emotion. It so overpowering that it becomes difficult for the parties involved to consider the critical elements in the foundation for a joyful relationship such as friendship, understanding, compatibility etc. If the man is the one sympathizing, he is so enamored into what he sees as the Good Samaritan’s job that he does not consider what stuff the woman is made off, her attitudes, desires and mindset. He does not stop to find out what life purposes she has, what goals she is focused on and how all these could jell into his own desires. If it is the woman that is sympathizing, she goes through the same emotions and also begins to think that if she saves the young man, he would remain loyal to her forever.

    Findings, however, have shown that the truth is far from what these sympathizer-lovers are thinking. If as a result of your efforts the captive is set free, he or she will do what all captives do, “flee”. Fleeing here may not mean running away from their sympathizer-lovers, though that has been known to happen with people who confess that the only feeling they had was to escape the environment. In many instances, the sympathizer-lovers begin to act as saviors and lordships. This is usually resisted, first psychologically and later verbally. And there goes your peace and comfort.

    Marriage relationship requires that both parties are open to each other. Open – meaning that there are no secrets in their hearts that the other partner would not be allowed into. Once these secret feelings are there, it produces reactive communication instead of responsive communication.

    These sympathy missions when it emanates from the premarital sex pregnancy, the woman does not fully get happy in the relationship. This arises from the fact that as the usual challenges appear in the scene, instead of the woman finding a good reason to endure; she only thinks she is in a mess occasioned by the pregnancy. Some have confessed that if they did not get pregnant, there is no way they would end up with the man they are married to. Instead of seeing the usual marriage and child rearing challenges as learning opportunities, they mortify themselves for getting pregnant. And some of the time, they blame the man for putting them in the family way. Some blame the child that resulted from the pregnancy. Hatred for a child has been known to have grown from such situations creating lasting bitterness.

    For the men, having not evaluated the character, demeanor, temperament of their spouse before marriage because of the overpowering influence of the emotion of sympathy, when the woman shows her real character, they are usually overwhelmed. They see themselves as having made terrible mistakes. They now live the rest of their lives in regret, withdrawal or wickedness or under the influence of these three negative but powerful emotions.

    It is necessary that we have it ingrained in the tablet of our hearts that the only reasons good enough for marrying anybody are the foundational elements for joyful relationship. If while in a relationship with the opposite sex there is no opportunity to build friendship and if an understanding of the basic purpose of marriage is not clear to both of you, then there is no other reason why the relationship should continue beyond the next few hours.

    Interestingly, many marriages out there are based on sympathy.

    Young single adults (18-30 years of age) and single adults (31 years and above) should not marry anybody for the purpose of saving face or to save somebody from suffering. Instead of cornering yourselves to this quagmire, why not follow the appropriate dating, courtship and engagement practices where no sexual intimacy is included. There is need to remember that sexual intimacy is only appropriate in a legally and lawfully wedded marriage contract. You need to remember that the basic purpose of sexual intimacy is mainly for procreation and to cement companionship.

    The excitement and pleasure that accompany sexual intercourse is purposed to invite people to take the responsibility that comes with it. Any other use of sexual intimacy outside legal and lawful matrimony is a transgression of the law. And law breakers must bear the full weight of the law. In most cases, there would be no external police to arrest you and no external court to try you and no external prison to sentence you. But there are internal version of the police, the court and the prison and a large farmland where your hard labor would be performed if you commit this offense.

    What is the way to go?

    Here is the way to go. Instead of focusing on sympathy, those planning to get married should focus on what matters most – the purpose of marriage – companionship and procreation. Remember the good Lord Himself said of Adam in the scriptures: “it is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18), hence He made Eve to keep him company. Do not forget also that the same Creator gave them a commandment to “multiply and replenish the earth” (Genesis 1:28). This is the creator’s approval for sexual intimacy in marriage relationship with the intents and purposes clearly spelled out, though. Latter-day prophets have clearly stated that “sex between a man and a woman in a legal and lawful marriage is ordained of God”. These are the foundational elements that must be established before continuing in the plan for marriage with someone. Both parties ought to know and understand this fully. This knowledge and understanding would bear relationships as the foundation of a building bears it. Marrying for any other reason is like standing the building on its roof.

    [ad_2]

    Source by Francis Nmeribe

    Views: 0

  • Healthy Lifestyle in a Modern World

    [ad_1]

    During the recent years many people have started doing exercise, taking yoga classes and also following strict diet in many countries. The reasons behind these activities are many, like work-stress, people suffering from diabetes, people taking lots of fats in their food and due to the pollution and the ongoing urbanization. Most of the people living in the cities suffer from heavy pollution due to heavy intakes of carbon monoxide in their bodies. Due to this heavy intake there are many side effects involved in this process.

    Most of the people are also addicted to smoking and alcohol, recent studies by an organization out of 100 people 60 percent drink significantly more than is healthy. Also in most of the countries even the percentage of the female population abusing alcohol is increasing. Due to this many of the doctors suggest people take regular exercises and also play sports in their leisure time. In the last ten years heart diseases has increased enormously from 35% to 70%. In recent years most of the children are born with diseases, a result of their parents poor health and lifestyle. So in these times it is necessary to follow some rules so that our health as well as our younger generations will be healthy.

    Keeping healthy is nothing but keeping our body clean with healthy habits like taking regular exercise. First of all a regular jog of 2 km is enough for an individual of an average age. During the school days till college everyone is involved in one or other sport, but when people find a job they forget about health and they soon become busy in their work. One should consult their doctor every 3-4 months for a regular checkup’s. They should not be stressed – if they find stress they should take yoga classes every day, so that their blood pressure will be normal. Otherwise that would lead them to hyper blood pressure or hypo, which may lead to heart disease. Most of the corporate companies in USA as well as rest of the world are employing dietitians, physiotherapists, and also good doctors to take care of their employees.

    The next thing I want to discuss is the diet because the intake food which we are taking is responsible for all the fats, carbohydrates,proteins and necessary enzymes which will be useful for the energy conversion or utilization in the human body. We should follow the diet very strictly by avoiding the junk food available in the market. A recent survey states that most of the people fall ill by consumption of junk food. A food with little fat is advisable because by taking more fat content the fat will be accumulated in the veins and arteries in the human body which result in high blood pressure which may lead to heart disease. In order to reduce the fats in the human body we should take less oil or cheese or butter in our food there by controlling the fats in the human body. Regular exercise will be helpful to control the fat in the human body.

    By playing sports it will be a good exercise in the human body. Swimming is also a good sport. We should maintain our body weight according to our height. There we can reduce our health problems to most of the extent. I conclude my discussion to the above topic by saying that a regular exercise or yoga and a strict diet and playing sports and regular check ups we can keep our body healthy after all there is an old saying “Health is Wealth”.

    [ad_2]

    Source by James Redwood

    Views: 0

  • Understanding the Laws of Success – Law of the Farm

    [ad_1]

    Success does not just happen; it is the result of the application of laws that have been proven over time. From the days of the Roman Empire, these laws have been shown to work. The key is to understand these laws and to work with them, not against them. One such law is the Law of the Farm.

    The Law of The Farm

    The Law of the Farm is based on observation of the world around us, namely the ability of a farmer to raise crops. The Law of the Farm says that success comes from the same process that a harvest comes to a farmer. First, as a farmer plows the ground, the person must be readied for success. The weeds of negative thinking must be cleared away, and the person must be fertilized with thoughts of abundance and possibility. Second, the seeds of success must be sown; these are the actions the person does to generate success. Those actions must be tended, supported by positive thinking, just as the farmer tends his crops. Then, when opportunities arise, they must be harvested, just as the farmer must harvest his crop. The harvest must be done at the right time, in the right way. Just as the farmer can lose his crop if he lets it sit in the field, so the person can lose success if he does not take advantage of the opportunities when they arise in the fullness of time.

    Preparing the Field

    For the farmer to reap a harvest, he cannot simply scatter seeds in a field. The field must be plowed, fertilized, and otherwise prepared before the seed is planted. For some crops, these may take years of preparation; as Stephen Covey points out in his book, “The Eight Habit”, a potato farmer must prepare his field for two years prior to planting. People must be prepared for success the same way. They need to have the weeds of negative thinking cleared away. They must be prepared for the planting by learning the attitude of expectation of success. A person must be fertilized with thoughts of abundance so that the seed has food to grow.

    Planting the Seed

    The farmer plants the seed of the crop he wishes to harvest. He does not plant corn seed to get a harvest of wheat. So, too, a person must plant the seeds of what he wishes to gain. This is where goal setting comes into the process. The person needs to decide what his goals are, and then create a plan for reaching those goals, so that he can plant the right seed for the desired harvest of success. A person wishing financial success must plant financial seeds, whether these be investments made or skills learned. The person must understand how the seeds being planted will grow to the desired harvest.

    Tending the Crops

    While the crop is growing, the farmer needs to tend and protect the growing plants. The field needs to be watered, treated to prevent insect infestation, fenced to protect the young plants from animals who would feed on the crop. A person working towards success must also protect his crop. Positive associations are needed to continue the growth of the ideas plants. Negative people and negative ideas must be protected against. Learning about himself and his endeavors (books, classes, further reading) can fertilize the ideas, making them grow stronger and faster. Persistence is needed to weather the storms of depression and impatience which can threaten the crop of success.

    Harvesting at the Right Time

    The farmer needs to gather in the crop when the time is right. He cannot do it too early, or the crop will not be useful; he cannot do it too late, or the crop will destroy itself in the field. A person working towards success needs to realize when the opportunities arise so that the efforts planted can be realized at the right time. Hesitation can cause the opportunity to rot away; the attempt to reach the absolute maximum can cause the right time to slip by. Act when your subconscious says to act; by listening to the small voice within you, you will know when the harvest time has occurred. The farmer doesn’t wait until the absolute peak ripeness occurs; he harvests the crop just before then, so that the ripeness will occur when the harvest is delivered. So, too, a person needs to act just before the maximum results, so that the results can mature during the act of harvesting. Particularly when it comes to investments, it is better to get 95% of the profit by acting early than to get 80% of the profit by acting too late.

    The Most Subtle of the Laws

    There are several laws of success, but the Law of the Farm is perhaps the most subtle. Just as a farmer gets better at raising crops as the years go by, so too a person gets better at using this law as he works it. Of all the laws, this one gets better the more you use it.

    [ad_2]

    Source by John Steely

    Views: 0

  • Lip Biting Habit – The Psychology Behind Our Habits

    [ad_1]

    Lip Biting from this articles perspective is the constant chewing on the skin inside your mouth, often referred to as cheek biting or cheek chewing. This is a repulsive habit and like many habits can be very difficult to stop. This habit likely started out from feelings of stress or anxiety. It might also have started if you had a teeth brace and the metal would catch on the skin of your inner cheek and would tear a thin layer of skin off, not doing any real harm. However, this would mean you would roll your tongue over the lose skin and then want to bite it off. You use your fingers to push the skin towards your teeth and bite the excess skin away. Quite oddly, this is actually quite pleasurable and so you continue to bite more skin away.

    Whether you are lip biting due to stress, anxiety or just perceived pleasure, you have created a relationship between the thought you are having and the action you take. You see, the mind and body are linked. The mind affects the body and the body affects the mind. If there is an outer situation that you feel to be dangerous or painful, your subconscious mind will trigger an emotional response. Your body will naturally tense up and then you will feel even worse. These automatic reactions and trigger responses are programmed from a very early age, perhaps when you were learning to walk and you kept falling over. You hurt yourself when you fell over and so you felt pain. This then created a relationship and neural-pathway in the mind.

    Neural-pathways are elongated neurons in the brain that connect one side of the nervous system to the other. Basically they are created when we perform a task. The neural pathway gets stronger when we repeat the action. We perform a task for the first one or few times using our conscious mind (present thought mind) and then as we repeat it goes in our subconscious mind (auto-pilot mind). The action has become familiar and the subconscious mind takes over and acts on auto-pilot. The subconscious mind is where our habits are stored.

    There is a relationship between the feeling of stress or anxiety, and the action you take when lip biting. This relationship is known as Pavlovian Conditioning. This was discovered and named after Ivan Pavlov, a famous Russian physiologist He would ring a bell at the exact time he would feed his dogs. Then after a while he would ring the bell and the dogs would come running salivating. This proves the relationship in the mind of an outside situation can affect the mind and can then affect the body’s reaction to that situation. This same concept is why when you feel stressed, you automatically start lip biting without you even knowing it. It is embedded in your subconscious.

    [ad_2]

    Source by Dave Kennedi

    Views: 0

  • Addiction To Unrequited Love

    [ad_1]

    The Torchbearer – S/he will love me one day

    It sounds silly for one to be addicted to unrequited love, but it can sometimes be the result of growing up in a household where love was either conditional or not consistent. As a child, the “torchbearer,” may have been always trying to win the love, praise or affection from a parent (or someone else influential) who was unavailable, abusive or failed to provide proper nurturing…. or the child could have witnessed one parent in a sort of unrequited love relationship with the other and could have taken that energy on. If it wasn’t an issue of childhood environment, then possibly some sort of other trauma occurred to upset the torchbearer’s self-esteem and their ability to feel safe receiving love. It can also result from a sudden and unexpected separation, betrayal, health, or appearance issue.

    At an existential level, the torchbearer may have developed a belief that they are not worthy of love and they may find themselves attracted to love situations that seem to keep them stuck in this dynamic: loving someone, but not able to fully receive love back. Although the person feels unworthy of love on some level, often they know they are worthy on another level, which the torchbearer then may become confused as to why they stay addicted to an unavailable person. The relationship then becomes about fantasy, idealization, avoidance, or a love-hate relationship ensues where the addict both loves and disapproves of the object of their devotion.

    According to love addiction expert Susan Peabody, the main categories of love addictions include:

    • obsessed love addicts: obsess and can’t let go even if their partners are unavailable or abusive
    • codependent love addiction: needy to please partner for sense of self
    • narcissistic love addicts: take advantage of their partner and can act disinterested, selfish or abusive and yet still feel addicted to partner and can’t let go
    • ambivalent love addicts: this category includes unrequited love addicts (also known as “torch-bearers”), saboteurs, seductive withholders, and romance addicts. The main goal through this kind of love addiction is the avoidance of true deep emotional intimacy and bonding. These addicts crave love and affection, but are afraid to get too close at the same time.

    Unrequited love addicts are part of the category of Ambivalent Love Addicts. Susan Peabody was the first to create the term “Ambivalent Love Addiction”. Her book “Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships,” is an amazing book for anyone wishing to learn more about love addiction.

    To be an ambivalent love addict, or torchbearer, means that one deeply craves love, intimacy, commitment, and unconditional love. However, at the same time, one has fears of relating deeply to another person. Such love addicts can end up pushing love away or holding it at a distance. Subconsciously, it can feel much safer for these individuals to love someone who isn’t fully there or who doesn’t want a full-on commitment. Picking an individual who is married, committed to another, distant, a player, a saboteur, or a sex addict may act to help the torchbearer avoid a true relationship. Some torchbearers end up addicted to friends or colleagues and hope the relationship will become something more.

    With many of the torchbearers that I have read, I find there is usually an excuse to continue chasing the love interest. However, there is also always a counterproductive excuse for never letting the love interest know their real feelings. It is even possible that if the object of infatuation actually returned affection or expressed desire for commitment towards the love addict, the love addict might not crave the interest anymore. One popular excuse that I have heard reads something like: “getting what I wanted or asked for took too long, therefore I no longer trust the love interest anymore, so I no longer want a relationship.” Once the love interest gives up, separation anxiety sets in again. Why does this occur? An illusion has been broken and the person idolized has become more human and less of a challenge to the ego.

    The torchbearer runs the risk that even if they obtain the object of their desire they may not achieve the closeness or intimacy they desire unless they change why they were addicted in the first place. Sometimes the addiction simply changes. An addict may transform from a torchbearer into a seductive withholder. They can even start becoming a codependent love addict if the once unrequited love relationship begins to become real.

    So, how do you know if you are addicted to unrequited love?

    What are the symptoms? The symptoms listed below are not comprehensive, but ones I typically see with clients (usually women):

    • Do you obsess over or find yourself only attracted to love interests who are not available in some way or who are married, playing you, who are “just friends,” or have left you?
    • Do you fear communication or to let the person know your interest in them, feelings, and other basic questions for fear of rejection or to keep the fantasy going? Or do you find yourself communicating but unable to accept a lack of response or a non-commital response without hoping if you wait long enough you will be wholly wanted?
    • Do you suffer in silence while you hold adoration towards someone who doesn’t really know? Some unrequited love addicts pursue their interests opening and ardently, but others can hold torches for people who they will not let themselves get close to nor let themselves be revealed in any real way.
    • Do you expect your love interest to be psychic/empathic and to just know and interpret your feelings and needs, even though there has been no grounded communication? Are you living out your relationship psychically or vicariously through “signs” or empathic feelings that the other person may be thinking about you, even if there is no contact?
    • Do you find yourself always hoping and waiting for the other person to make an interest in you known?
    • Can you never feel “close” in a real way to the person you are holding a torch for?
    • Are you always living out the relationship in your head?
    • Are you continually asking yourself many questions, wondering about the other person feelings and intentions (or potential future intentions) without ever grounding anything to test to see if any fantasies are real?
    • Do you have other addictions, such as to sex, psychics, alcohol etc?
    • Do you feel you cannot let go of the love interest even though it is not making you feel loved? Do feel powerless to stop at will.
    • Is the preoccupation with this interest having a more negative affect on you spiritually, financially and other ways than positive? In the end, are you losing more than you gain?
    • Do you have a history of being hurt or obsessing on lack of love, attention or approval by a parent or someone else influential in your earlier life?
    • For those with less intense expressions of this addiction: are you confused why you only seem to attract or are attracted to unavailable people or people who are not 100% wanting a relationship? And with this, do you feel bored with people who are into you or once a relationship starts to develop? Does it seem that all the people who would be right and loving towards you, you cannot “fall in love” with?

    If you have an “interest” that you crave but are afraid to reach out to in any real and genuine way for fear of rejection, then you might be addicted to unrequited love. You may also be addicted if there is an underlying knowledge that expressing your wants and needs would not be appropriate. I’ve talked to many clients who are totally engaged with these types of interests, sometimes even sexually. But, usually they know on some level there are certain things they cannot ask/dare put forward cause the relationship is casual though they want something more. Though the “craving” is not always required, this article is mostly written for the hard core unrequited love addict.

    Here is an example of one kind of non-communicative unrequited love addict who does have some relationship and interaction with her love interest:

    A woman starts to like an attractive man. They meet and there is some flirting — the man seems interested to the woman. Information is exchanged followed by mixed signals that mark the relationship. The woman starts obsessing and fantasizing about having a relationship with the man. However, the man won’t make a clear move and the woman ends up doing most of the contacting to keep interaction ongoing. The woman acts casual because she wants the man to make his interest known first. She is getting some cues of affection and indication of interest, but it’s kept superficial and she is always unsure. This goes on for some time, sometimes months, and she starts thinking “Does this guy really want a relationship or am I just casual or a friend?” Despite feeling a sense of unknowing and distress, the woman will never risk asking to find out. She starts asking advice from other friends who tell her to forget about the man, but she hangs on in hope he will ask for a real date or commitment or show he cares.

    The man is simply not putting out vibe of wanting a full-on relationship. However, she starts to fantasize that maybe he is just scared, can’t communicate or is insecure. She fantasizes that he will start to be more demonstrative or want something more if she can just hang in or never upset the status quo. She even wonders, “should I say something or make a move”, but something inside is telling her it’s not safe to tell this person how she feels because they are not on the same page, so she withholds keeps holding a torch for this person. She finds out the man has started to pursue someone else and she feels upset and feels betrayed. But, still, she has never had clear indication they are in a “relationship.”

    In the worst cases of unrequited love addiction I have seen, the client is addicted to psychics, using spell casters to cast spells to make their love more available, or are even asking for healing sessions on the person they are addicted to hoping healing something in their love interest will change the reality of what is going on.

    What Can You Do If This Sounds Like You?

    Often, I see two main themes running in these relationships: fear of true communication (or fear of accepting a communication or lack there of), and fear of vulnerability & rejection. Many times I also recommend torchbearers learn how to set boundaries and how to respect others boundaries. If the torchbearer is holding on waiting for a “sign” or demonstration from the love object, afraid of giving up, learning communication would help with getting out of fantasizing a relationship and making it more real. In the least, the torchbearer can get closure, if the love addict’s desires are not reciprocated.

    Getting closure isn’t always an easy thing for a love addict. It is often considered to be a harsh rejection. Many frightened unrequited love addicts wish to avoid being hurt at all costs. However, with this cost, these love addicts avoid true intimacy and relationships.

    Most unrequited love clients I work with have a shut down throat chakra. They may have been raised or learned through some experience that expressing feelings or needs is a burden on others, a sign of weakness, inferiority or something to be afraid of. Codependent types are afraid to cause any sort of confrontation or rejection for themselves. However, the only way out is through. The crux is that this dynamic is used to avoid another hurt or rejection and this continues the cycle of avoiding true commitment, intimacy and bonding.

    Step 1: Communication With Yourself

    The first step is for the torchbearers to ask themselves what they truly want from a relationship. What is their vision of how they want to be loved and committed to? This step may be one of the hardest. The unrequited love addict may be so used to avoiding confrontation that asking them to figure out what they want and need seems strange. Torchbearers ask themselves “How do I get someone who doesn’t care to do so? How can I be better? More lovable?” Simply leaving an unrequited love may not solve the problem either. It may just transfer the love addiction from one of pursuing the unrequited love interest to holding a torch and suffering in silence while pining after the loss. They may remain stuck, wondering if maybe this person is still missing them or thinking of them and it gives them hope for reconciliation.

    Step 2: Communication With Your Love Interest

    If communication is possible to ask for closure, this is the next step. I recommend asking in direct ways and not just looking for “signs.” State what you want out of love and a relationship, and ask the object of your affection if they feel they will ever be able to give it. Risk hearing the truth and risk rejection. This helps break the fantasy and though may be incredibly painful, it is the next step towards risking true intimacy and attracting the right relationship and breaking through all the fears that prevent it from coming. The whole idea of love addiction is the belief that without love one is nothing. If one can risk losing love and still see themselves as whole, then one can start going into relationships with sense of self as a sole identity which another can complement, rather than feeling another will complete them.

    Fear of intimacy (getting to know someone deeply), commitment, communication, rejection, boundaries, and confrontation needs to be challenged. Love addicts can also seem like perpetual victims or trauma junkies. So healing the need to be a victim is key too.

    Taking on the challenge of learning to set boundaries, risk confrontation and rejection, to communicate ones wants and needs (and listening to another’s – which this might be the real fear) may seem overwhelming. But, it is the only way out. All of this should be targeted, in addition to working on childhood issues, which implanted some of these fears and patterns.

    Step 3: Accepting What Is Communicated Back or Any Lack Of A Response

    Sometimes, the love addict at this stage may have been totally clear with their love interest what they want and they still feeling or receiving mixed signals. The person of their infatuation may be ambivalent, stringing them along, or afraid to just be honest and give them the closure they need. Sometimes there may be a lack of response — ie: an email is sent to the love object who appears to be avoiding sending a response back. In these cases, aim for setting a boundary for yourself on how long you will wait for what you need and stick to it. Be willing to recognize when you need to either end a relationship or at least bring it down to a more casual and detached level while you pursue other options.

    For those who find they are always making clear what they want and are still waiting to receive it or feeling unheard, the lesson may be in knowing when its time to stop voicing your needs and wants realizing they will not be met or cared for. Just affirm to yourself as much as you can that you can and are willing to find someone who can meet your wants and needs.

    Step 4: Changing and Challenging One’s Views on Love

    I also recommend changing how one views love. There is something self-absorbed in all the withholding and holding on. It is focused on fear and self-protection instead of love or generosity and true interest in another person and their needs and feelings. Many love addicts actually fool themselves into thinking their co-dependence is proof that they are being more loving than anything else. However, love is about extending and exposing oneself in the face of rejection and providing a safe and open place for someone else to extend and expose themselves. Love is not manipulative, wanting to change people or situations or waiting for such situations or people to change.

    Love is not about being a martyr either. If you can’t take a risk to know anyone else or have them tell you their wants and needs, or accept or listen when they are not on the same page, how can you expect someone to care and listen concerning your own wants and needs?

    Not all unrequited love addicts are afraid to state their wants, needs, and boundaries. But, often what can happen is the torchbearer is always stating needs and boundaries and they are not listening to what is being conveyed back. They keep hoping the love object will change, mature, or outgrow his detached stance.

    A Few Self-Help Healing Tools

    While one can always benefit from professional therapies, coaching, and alternative healing sessions geared towards transmuting thought patterns, there are a few healing tools that can be used to assist recovery from love addictions (feel free to look for others as I only mention a few here).

    If one has ever used “flower essences” before (a form of homeopathy), Australian Bush Flower Essences (www.abfeusa.com for more information) has a “Relationship Essence” which contains the following:

    • Boab: helps bring change, helps clears negative core patterns that are rooted in family and which are inherited. Can also help clear negative lines of karma that exist between individuals and past life influence.
    • Bluebell: is for those who cut themselves off from their feelings and helps to open the heart and to disolve greed and rigidity. Emotions are present but withheld and there is even fear of expressing positive emotions such as joy and love, etc through operation of fear that there is just not enough and they can’t survive if they let go of all they hold onto.
    • Bottlebrush: helps one to resolve mother issues and helps one embrace major life changes. It brushes away the past allowing individuals to move on and go forward.
    • Bush Gardenia: helps one to renew passion and interest in relationships. Helps with intimacy, and resolving where there is too much self-interest or lack of awareness in a partnership.
    • Dagger Hakea: Is for helping on to release resentments, bitterness and grudges.
    • Flannel Flower: is for those who fear emotional or physical intimacy, getting too close and who have a hard time maintaining personal boundaries. Helps one to garner trust to express ones innermost feelings.
    • Red Helmet Orchid: Helps for resolving father issues, probelms with confrontation or authority.
    • Red Suva Frangipani: Is for the rocky relationship that is challenged and is also for resolving deep sense of loss and sadness when a relationship is in trouble or has ended. Helps to heal that feeling of Wedding Bush: Is for issues with commitment to a relationship, job, goal etc. It can be used for individuals who tend to flit from one relationship to another, or for those who leave relationships when the crush phase or initial attraction has diminished.

    A book I highly recommend is Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships by Susan Peabody (co-founder of LAA).

    Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) is another tool that can help with love addictions. EFT can be easy to learn for free from demonstrations on YouTube or free downloads on various sites.

    [ad_2]

    Source by Mandy Peterson

    Views: 0

  • Sex As a Natural Treatment For Gout

    [ad_1]

    I wanted to laugh when I first came across this rather ridiculous suggestion on some of the online sources about natural treatments for gout. After the initial state of skepticism, I decided to do some study about this interesting topic about having sex as a natural treatment for gout.

    Well, it must somehow works on some of the gout patients until this method is widely spread as one of the treatment option for gout. Some people think it works, but they just cannot explain how it works on reducing the inflammation and pain of the notorious gout attacks. Before I explain how to have good sex as one of the method of treating your gout, you must first understand the chemistry of sex.

    We all know about the temptation and good feelings that good sex gives us. That is part of our natural instinct, and having a healthy sex life plays an important role in maintaining the well being of our body and mind.

    Scientists call sex as a melting pot of the soup of bio-chemicals, the hormones. This scientific statement may somehow kills away some of the romantic side of sex, but whatever you feel as the result of sex can actually be explained by simple science. It is not a matter of what happens between your legs, it is about the chemical reactions happen between your ears.

    There are a few vital hormones that contribute the pleasures (and pain relief) we feel during sexual intercourse. It starts with dopamine, which is one of the brain’s pleasure chemicals. Dopamine is released in the ‘reward centre’ of the brain when we see something that arouses our desire, such as good food and attractive partner. Dopamine increases the pulse rate and cardiac functions which result in the ‘blushing’ effect in some people.

    During sexual orgasm, your brain will push the amount of dopamine to the max and then bring it down right after the climax with the release of prolactin which prevents you from over indulge in the rush of dopamine. Prolactin rises sharply immediately after orgasm and it is what gives you the “full” feeling after your intimate moment. Prolactin disengages you from sex after orgasm and makes room for your mind to think of other things besides the naked person lying next to you.

    Beside the roller coaster ride of dopamine, there are two other sex related neurotransmitters that contribute to the whole sensation of sex. Oxytocin, which is also known as the “cuddling hormone” is a hormone secreted by the pituitary gland when you feel the affection to someone you love dearly. Oxytocin helps in creating a strong bond between you and your lover.

    Oxytocin stimulates the production of endorphin which is the ‘happy neuro chemical’ that produces the feelings of ecstasy and pleasure. Endorphins fill you with a sense of well-being and relaxation, and sometimes might even drift you off to sleep. Endorphin has a similar chemical structure of morphine and that explains why it has the pain relief effects.

    The quality of you sex life determine the levels of the above mentions hormones in your body. If you want to have sex as a treatment for gout, you must know how to ‘control’ the release of those hormones.

    The best guideline is to increase the amount of oxytocin and endorphin as much as you can while minimize the fluctuation of dopamine and prolactin. Since oxytocin and endorphin are more emotionally related, so it is good to practice longer lasting sensual experiences with your lover instead of a lustful release of desire.

    Make love, not sex. Those pain and stress relief hormones are hidden in your brain not your sex organ. Cultivate the right feelings and emotions with your love ones by having romantic foreplay and delay the ejaculation for as long as you can while making sure both of you enjoy the pleasure of sex.

    [ad_2]

    Source by Heemen Ee

    Views: 0

  • Living Alone with Hemiparesis

    [ad_1]

    Safety would be the primary concern of course when people with hemiparesis live alone or are alone for extended amounts of time. Of course your first references are your doctor, physical therapist and occupational therapists especially. This being stated, I can offer insights on some important items to consider in practical aspects of living alone after a traumatic brain injury or a stroke that result in a severe muscle weakness along the left or right side of the body and is sometimes exhibited in slight nerve damage as with me. Perhaps instead of living by them selves, it would be better to consider us living independently. At this writing, I will have reached almost thirty years of living with hemiparesis. Most of this time I was living alone and working as an engineer and writer, author.

    For us, the detrimental effects of hemiparesis are still prevalent even after initial rehabilitation and limited recovery. The effects can change with extreme variation.

    Effects When Tired or Awoken

    When the body is tired, effects can be worse and certainly more dangerous when living alone. An example is if awoken in the night, maybe by thirst, a call, or other concern. Even a healthy person could possibly stumble on sleepy legs or with eyes half open, but for those with left or right hemiparesis, the negative effects are magnified. A stumble can turn into a fall and possibly a head injury since one arm has poor strength, does not react quickly and is not likely to stop a fall. If a foot drags slightly during the day with shoes, then it can be so much worse at night even so unsafe that the person will roll over the toes so as to bruise them and fall forward on the weak side. Lessons learned here emphasize the need for uncluttered floors and hallways. A stray shoe on the floor or even newspaper can prove disastrous. Either could throw off the balance suddenly for a waking person especially in the dark.

    This brings up a suggestion for low level lighting in the home or apartment. Economical battery operated motion detector lights are available at many stores now or a search online. Even if a cane is not needed during the day; it would be wise to have a cane near the bed, even a quad cane for late night awakenings or an early morning rising. In the morning, there are other issues as tightened up leg muscles that need stretching before safely moving.

    Shower and Bathroom Safety

    Morning stretching is important, especially as we who are injured age but more importantly, shower safety needs to be addressed. There is much assistive devices available and occupational therapists can communicate effectively the needs here, however I can give you my thoughts. These are that it can be quite scary at times, especially if you have had an accident, falling in the shower, tub or bathroom before. You will need to be able to have something within reach on your good side to grab onto, basically at all times. Please note that if you can’t use the screwed in support rails and use the bars with suction cups, you really need at least two bars together. Redundant support as these are known t slip and when you have water or soap in your eyes and reach out with the bar slipping, it can be devastating. I would recommend having a bar on the entry or exit and on the opposite side. This way if a person with hemiparesis turns around there is always a bar on the good side.

    But it does not stop there. Bathroom floors are usually smooth surfaces and with one foot having no or minimal grab, then any water on a smooth tile or marble surface is like ice and can easily cause a fall when drying. Rubber backed rugs are most often used but can bunch up under feet. A work around solution for these throw rugs is rubber strips with adhesive on both sides. The local hardware store will have some rug grippers or search the web

    Dressing

    This is an area again where an occupational therapist assures you are prepared with any assistive devices for reaching around the weak side or fastening in back and collar. However, I can emphasize that so much more time needs to be available, just in case. Even though, there are assistive devices and there is ample training in doing this usually available before even leaving the hospital.

    Food Preparation, Cooking Kitchen Safety

    One’s ability to prepare meals will vary. I understand it’s good to be independent but in the kitchen it just may be smarter to minimize preparation with knives or stovetop. Even the oven can cause burns and fire easily. Having a cardboard pizza box fall onto a hot broiler iron can start a fire that is not too easy for someone with a disability to put out quickly. Sure there are now small convenient fire extinguishers available but some often need two good hands to operate correctly and then even finding it quickly can be an issue for trauma, brain injury or stroke victims.

    Fortunately, there has been an improvement In microwave dinners. This certainly would not be your first option in the past. However, I have been at this for almost thirty years now and I really have seen a great variety come on the market and costs go down. Good, healthy dinners can be cooked in one minute. I still bake chicken and pizze plus a few others but safety really needs to bethe forst priority. Losing balance and reaching out to find as hot frying pan to lean on can happen and I have personal experience, it’s not a quick heal having a burn in the palm of your good hand. Agsin here as in the bathroom, a rug with rubber backing and rug grabbers should be required.

    Mind Body Health Needs

    Concentration and Focus are the key in most everything that the person with hemiparesis might have to overcome. That is why ongoing brain training is so important.

    Human interaction, relationships contribute greatly to complex usage of our brain and even helping to stay young. Well living alone minimizes this benefit ad over time can have an adverse effect. Sure, some will say the upward potential may be limited but start with the objective of not losing ability. Without regular exercise, mind or body can atrophy to borrow a term used to describe not using muscles.

    There are free and paid sources on the web. There are now brain improvement magazines at the local supermarket and brain games are popular and effective, most even for one hand use.

    Geographic Area Specific Issues

    Depending on your locality, power outages can occur during natural events mostly as snow or ice storms, hurricanes, tornadoes. When living on the eastern coast, I lost power even when their was a high windstorm. Natural events as this can have an impact on people living with hemiparesis just as they do for others with a disability, elderly or families in general. However preparedness is the key here and living alone increases importance of having battery lighting, food, water, cell phone, radio, all available and easily attainable in possibly in the dark.

    The power loss may be worse in cold weather for this condition as detrimental effects can disable some people with this extreme muscle weakness and possibly nerve damage. This varies of course depending on person or injury but in general arms and legs can start shaking uncontrollably and a serious limitation to mobility. Poor effects are also exhibit in sudden changes of weather. Each person may experience this differently but a check with your physician is best.

    To assist in times as these, warm clothing, even a safe generator where it can be installed in a home as a backup are suggestions with heat packs available at sporting good stores or camping supply shop.

    Summary

    Some of the techniques and tips outlined here may seem obvious to some or simple but they are not always thought of ahead of time before they are used. This is evident in support forums online, knowing individuals and my own thirty years of living with hemiparesis. There are of course more but in general, consideration that movements can be slow at times as can thinking. An important point is if there is a loss of balance or tripping, it will most likely be on the weak side which of course doesn’t react fast nor have enough hand strength usually to hang on to something firmly. This is why safety is the first priority when living alone with this injury.

    [ad_2]

    Source by Leon Edward

    Views: 0

  • Three Little Known Facts About Shabby Chic Style

    [ad_1]

    Shabby chic is an interior design style that incorporates worn, antique furniture and vintage accessories to create a design that is both elegant and popular. Items are chosen for their worn appearance and are often heavily painted throughout the years, with many layers showing through. Fabrics are usually cotton or linen, also showing wear and tear. Neutral colors, and often soft pastels such as pink, blue, and green are the trademark of this unique style.

    History

    Although the shabby chic style has become very popular over the last 35 years, its roots actually began in the early 1900’s when in Great Britain, many large, stately country homes and their contents were left to fade and age due to financial difficulties of the home owners. It wasn’t until the 1980’s, however, that this popular style got its name. During this time, many people had a desire to express how much class and taste they had. By incorporating the ‘chic’ interior style into their homes, they were able to boast classically vintage furniture that had a history.

    Fact: Not As Old As You Think

    Shabby chic furniture is not always old or antique. Many new pieces are distressed (made to look old) to give them a vintage, antique look. By applying white glaze and paint, and then scrubbing and sanding the top layers, especially around the edges, furniture can be transformed from something new and modern to something shabby chic. In addition to transforming new furniture, many people buy used furniture at thrift stores and garage sales to create beautiful shabby chic furnishings for their homes. The style is all about simple elegance and incorporating a variety of pieces to create a look that is unique.

    Versatility

    One of the best things about decorating your home in the shabby chic style is it does not have to be expensive. It is very easy to mix and match several different pieces to create a fresh look for your home without spending a lot of money. Because it is so versatile, it works well in almost every room of your home, including the kitchen and bathroom. From vintage armoires, to a dining table and chairs, the shabby chic style of decorating adds elegance to your home that is inexpensive and attractive.

    The shabby chic style of interior decorating is here to stay for quite some time. Trends show that the style has increased in popularity over the last 35 years, and continues to do so. Whether it is a single piece of furniture, an entire room, or a house-wide theme, the shabby interior design style with its deeply rooted history, will surely make a statement in your home.

    [ad_2]

    Source by Kevin P Webster

    Views: 0

  • My Husband Left Because He Needs Space – But I Love Him and Want Him to Come Home, What Should I Do?

    [ad_1]

    I recently heard from a wife who was quite lonely and devastated. Last week, her husband had decided that he “needed some space,” and he packed his bags and left the home. He had called a few times during his absence, but he wouldn’t give the wife any specifics about how long he expected to be gone and when (or if) he was coming back. The wife regretted how they had left things. They had argued and she had said some things that she definitely didn’t mean while the husband had said some heartless things to her as well.

    So, she had no idea where she stood or where the marriage was headed. And, even though she was angry at the husband for leaving her and for the things that she said, she knew that she still loved him and she wanted for him to come home as soon as possible. She did not want for this one impulsive event to mean the end of her marriage. But she didn’t know how to change the path that they seemed to be on. And, every time she tried to broach this subject with her husband and express her feelings to him, he became flustered and abruptly ended the conversation.

    So, it was clear to the wife that the topic was, at least for now, off limits. And, this left her confused as what she should do. She worried that if she just dropped the topic and backed off altogether, then her husband might just continue to drift away and not come home. But, she didn’t want to continue to push him further away.

    Actually, from my own experience and research, I believe that there is a happy medium here and a tactic that usually brings about the best outcome for everyone concerned. It would also allow for the wife to keep her self respect intact and to emerge in a position of strength rather than one of weakness.

    Even Though You Want Him Home, Try Not To Come On Too Strongly: Obviously, if the wife had her way, the husband would come home full of love and apologies that very evening. But, it was pretty clear that this wasn’t likely. The husband had been calling less and less and seemed more and more annoyed. Believe it or not, you will usually get better results and a better response from him if you let him come to you rather than pushing yourself onto him when he is not receptive to this.

    When I tell women this they will often respond with something like: “well, if I wait for him to pursue me or to come around, I may be waiting around forever. I can’t risk it. What if the saying ‘out of sight out of mind’ is true? What if I give him this space and he doesn’t ever come back to me?”

    Here’s what you might want to consider. He has already left. You can not turn back time and keep this from happening. But, what you can control is how you react right now. You can control how you present yourself right now and this is likely going to influence his perceptions of what he really wants. And, his perceptions aren’t likely to be good if you push when he’s not receptive or focus on the negative and how miserable you are without him.

    A desperate woman who is nagging, debating, or falling apart is not likely to be perceived as attractive. I don’t mean to be cruel about this, but my conversations with men who visit my blog indicate to me that, unfortunately, this is just the way that it is.

    Presenting Yourself As The Woman That You Know He Really Wants: Many women in this situation tell me that they feel like they are no longer who or what their husband wants. You mustn’t think this way. Here’s what you have likely forgotten. He has already chosen you once. You’ve already proven that you have the attributes that he values the most. He was already so crazy about you that he married you.

    Yes, things have started to go wrong and your life might be off track. But, that doesn’t mean that you can’t fix it. You know what he loves about you. Make sure he sees these things without your having to over reach for them. Wait until he is more receptive and then give him small doses of who you know he loves very much. Always keep things light hearted and allow for him to see the woman that he has been missing.

    Even if you feel frightened, unsure, and insecure, save these emotions for trusted girlfriends and family members because it is so important that you try to keep all of the perceptions as positive as you can right now. Make sure that he thinks you aren’t moping around the house praying for his return. Give the impression that you’re confident that if you can gradually improve things, he will come back willingly because you are meant to be together. If you can pull this off, you’ll often find that he’s becoming more and more receptive to you and to the idea of coming home.

    [ad_2]

    Source by Leslie Cane

    Views: 0

  • My Wife Constantly Criticizes Me – The Hidden Truth to Why She Does This and How to Fix It Fast!

    [ad_1]

    Are you stuck in a marriage where you’re helplessly saying my wife always criticizes me? It’s troublesome, to be honest downright annoying.

    But the truth is that you created the environment for this to happen, and now you have to create the environment where it WON’T happen. But you’ve got to do it right or things can just get worse…and fast!

    What To Do When You’re in a Marriage Where You’re Saying My Wife Constantly Criticizes Me

    There’re really only a few good reasons why you’d be saying my wife constantly criticizes me. The great part is that nearly all of them lead to one major problem, which means that there’s really one major fix. It’s getting this fix right that can be the sticking point.

    So what are some of the reasons that your wife is constantly criticizing you? Let’s go through them now…

    Reasons Your Wife is Criticizing You…

    Resentment – Many times criticism stems from resentment. It’s basically a passive aggressive way of her telling you that she resents you. Jus think about when you resent someone, how every little thing can bother you about that person.

    And when resentment rears its ugly head the weapon of choice is usually criticism.

    Lack of Respect – Now this one can be a bit tricky and here’s why. Your wife may not have respect you for different reasons. But it’s very likely that the reasons that she’s put forward aren’t really the true reasons at all.

    Most of the time when a woman doesn’t respect you, she’ll try to tell you that it’s because you’re not doing enough of the stuff like buying flowers, and being sweet and lovable. But usually she doesn’t even realize that this is NONSENSE, and basically completely opposite of the real reason.

    The real reason that a woman usually loses respect for her husband (barring that there’s no abuse in the relationship) is that you’ve lost your MAN status in the home. In other words you’re no longer the captain of the ship that she NEEDS in order to have that respect for you.

    Your wife, by the very nature of her DNA…going way back from her ancestors in the caves MUST have you being the alpha male in the home, or she cannot respect you and therefore…

    She’s Not Attracted to You – In a nutshell, it all comes down to attraction. It may sound hard to believe, especially when the problem started out as “my wife constantly criticizes me” that it would come down ultimately to attraction, but it does.

    If your wife resents you it’s because you’ve lost your manhood status. You’re no longer the alpha male that she needs in her life. If your wife has no respect for you, it’s for the same reason. How can she have respect for you if you’re not evoking the very qualities that she needs in a man? If you’re not being the man that she needs to have, then she’s basically by nature got every right not to respect you any longer.

    If she resents you and has no respect for you, then she cannot be attracted to you. And the fact is that a wife that is attracted to you will move mountains to be with you. A wife who is ultimately down to her core attracted to you, will worship the ground you walk on. You’ve seen this with your own eyes, every time you’ve seen a woman who was with a jerk, or an ugly guy.

    The fact is that she respected and was completely attracted to that guy, because HE was a MAN who exuded ALPHA MALE status. Become that guy and you’ll no longer be saying my wife constantly criticizes me!

    [ad_2]

    Source by Jason T. Nelson

    Views: 0